The Opposite Of Anxiety Is Not Calmness, It Is Desire. Anxiety And Desire Are Two, Often Conflicting,

Temple of Asclepius (Aesculapius): Villa Borghese Gardens, Rome.

truly some people have no genre savviness whatsoever. A girl came back from the dead the other day and fresh out of the grave she laughed and laughed and lay down on the grass nearby to watch the sky, dirt still under her nails. I asked her if she’s sad about anything and she asked me why she should be. I asked her if she’s perhaps worried she’s a shadow of who she used to be and she said that if she is a shadow she is a joyous one, and anyway whoever she was she is her, now, and that’s enough. I inquired about revenge, about unfinished business, about what had filled her with the incessant need to claw her way out from beneath but she just said she’s here to live. I told her about ghosts, about zombies, tried to explain to her how her options lie between horror and tragedy but she just said if those are the stories meant for her then she’ll make another one. I said “isn’t it terribly lonely how in your triumph over death nobody was here to greet you?” and she just looked at me funny and said “what do you mean? The whole world was here, waiting”. Some people, I tell you.

There’s nothing better than friends reading something you love and giving you updates as they go. Like yes, my melancholy whatever I’m dead I’m dead, but let me relive this with you, let me live again….

the veil is getting thinner can you feel it

Svetlana Alexievich, The Unwomanly Face of War, trans. Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky (New York: Random House, 2017), xxi.

“I am a historian of the soul.”

the dark

sometimes i feel like there's a heart beating inside me

"And Cain says, “When you split me and my brother in the womb, you did not divide us evenly. He got kindness, and I got longing. He got complacence, and I got ambition. I want to kill him sometimes. I think sometimes he wants to die.”

- Nathaniel Orion, "Hevel"

Look down on me, good and gentle Jesus, while I kneel here.