JAY .:. BLESSED-CURSED MV — Shooting Sketch

Do you know what having bpd is?

Having bpd is crying because someone has given you a gift.

Not because the gift is too beautiful. But because they paid attention to your words. To what you said. They watched you and saw how you look at things.

Because they thought of you, saw you smiling with it, and got it for you.

Having bpd is calling them an idiot because they got you a gift.

Not because it is too expensive. But because you are so used to feeling so worthless that someone spending money on you just because you wanted something sounds so selfish and so wrong that you feel the need to fix it. You feel the need to apologize, to make up for a fucking gift, because you are not that much of a thing to be given gifts.

Having bpd is being stunned to silence because someone has given you a gift.

Not because it was a surprise. But because you never even expected someone to think of you. You never consdiered the possiblity of being on the receiving hand of a holiday. Never thought people would be grateful for your existance too, not when all you see in the mirror is a disgusting void.

Having bpd is not being able to thank your friend.

Because you don’t know how to thank people when they consdier you as a human being and consider your feelings and thoughts while buying you something just to see you smile.

I have bpd and I am crying over here just because I got a gift, because I still don’t think I was worth it.

Fun, someone said the words “prior authorizations” around me and now I’m pissed off at 730am on my day off. I go off on this rant all the time. ALL THE TIME.

do most people on mobile tumblr know you can hold down the reblog button to fast reblog a post to your blog? you know you can reblog things with one click right? please please reblog things if you enjoy them, lack of exposure is killing content creators on this site 

txt’s cant you see me hits so much harder when you realise none of your friends understand and see that you’re falling apart or maybe they just don’t care anymore

thinking about wwx growing lotuses in the burial mounds, and jc rebuilding lotus pier, and jzx making a lotus garden for jyl. thinking about the homesick children of lotus pier building new lotus piers wherever they are because they can’t go home to the one they grew up in. but it’s never the same because they aren’t together

social media has made it extremely difficult to like any artist. there's something wrong with everything and we're just all expected to be this perfect human being who isn't capable of making mistakes and growing from them. even though i'm aware no form of media i ever consume will be without its problems but i can't physically stop myself from seeing everything so critically to the point i hate myself for liking it in the first place. not to mention now i just assume things from the smallest gestures, so at this point someone i like could say one thing and i will be sitting here thinking of 100 ways it could be taken in a wrong context. there's no way to know either cause you don't know any of them personally. then it ends up in extensive searching and breakdowns in the middle of the day. in a way i am just so scared of them actually fucking up and seeing everyone hate them that i try to villainize them to save myself from the pain.

it’s a well known fact that lesbians love hanguang jun. i think they would follow him around between lectures. at first he’s confused about this group of girls following him around until he realises they’re all wlw that just admire him and he takes them under his wing

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making art is actually abusive because you are manipulating the viewer into feeling something

Something that bears mentioning: I get why we need to shame straight girls who fetishize mlm ships but. To any straight girls who consistently relate to or resonate with mlm dynamics on a deep level or see themselves in queer male characters. if by any chance this post from a tiny tiny blog crosses your dash. Please take this moment to very privately consider the possibility that you might not be straight. Or a girl.