Ha!

who edited this video of katie couric squirting a tomato on ina garten i just want to talk 

Ive been avoiding this long enough. May as well give in.

so i’m sure by now most of you have seen the news story about the patriots using their team plane to fly ppe into massachusetts from china (or at least if you’re local to new england you probably have).

it’s being shared on the news as a heartwarming story of a football team stepping up for their local area, but it’s also absolutely a sign of how truly and deeply fucked the federal response to this has been.

some background: massachusetts has received somewhere in the neighborhood of 17% of the ppe requested from the federal stockpile, and not one single ventilator. we requested 1000 of those and have now had to up our request to 1400. we have repeatedly been outbid by the federal government and now, most recently, had shipments of ppe that we ordered straight up seized by the feds in new york.

so, in desperation, our governor set up A SECRET DIPLOMATIC BACKCHANNEL to essentially beg china to send us badly needed equipment and make sure the federal government couldn’t seize it this time

florida has received multiple shipments of supplies in this same time frame, on time and unmolested by federal authorities. the difference? governor ron desantis is buddy buddy with trump and florida is a big swing state for the election. states that get on trump’s shit list are having to beg, borrow, and steal so that more people don’t die.

this is deeply, incredibly fucked and i don’t want anyone to ever forget it.

That sure is a portent

Today’s problem

what do chairs for dragons look like.

#relationshipgoals

Way to show up to a party, make sure everyone "drops dead" when they see you.

After succumbing to a fever of some sort in 1705, Irish woman Margorie McCall was hastily buried to prevent the spread of whatever had done her in. Margorie was buried with a valuable ring, which her husband had been unable to remove due to swelling. This made her an even better target for body snatchers, who could cash in on both the corpse and the ring.

The evening after Margorie was buried, before the soil had even settled, the grave-robbers showed up and started digging. Unable to pry the ring off the finger, they decided to cut the finger off. As soon as blood was drawn, Margorie awoke from her coma, sat straight up and screamed.

The fate of the grave-robbers remains unknown. One story says the men dropped dead on the spot, while another claims they fled and never returned to their chosen profession.

Margorie climbed out of the hole and made her way back to her home.

Her husband John, a doctor, was at home with the children when he heard a knock at the door. He told the children, “If your mother were still alive, I’d swear that was her knock.”

When he opened the door to find his wife standing there, dressed in her burial clothes, blood dripping from her finger but very much alive, he dropped dead to the floor. He was buried in the plot Margorie had vacated.

Margorie went on to re-marry and have several children. When she did finally die, she was returned to Shankill Cemetery in Lurgan, Ireland, where her gravestone still stands. It bears the inscription “Lived Once, Buried Twice.”