Love That My Brain Needed Something To Fixate Over So I Can Feel Happy Again And It Decided To Settle

i am so tired of peeing. i drink the water, which i apparently need to live or something, then i have to go put the water somewhere else five minutes later. i drink the water, i go to a place to un-drink the water, i wash my hands, i leave, then i have to drink more water. guess where that water ends up? not in me! i give the water to my body and like a child it tosses it out and demands more. all hours of the day all hours of the night no matter what i am doing my life is interrupted by piss and this is bullshit

Thinking about this guy in a Facebook group I'm in who was like "I don't have spotify wrapped because I only listen to vinyl so I recorded every time I listened to music on a spreadsheet and here's my stats"

very specific Julien Baker lyrics that fucc me up

But I think there’s a god and he hears either way …. i rejoice

Maybe it’s all gonna turn out alright and I know that its not but I have to believe that it is 

maybe the emptiness is just a lesson in canvasses

and besides I’m starting to get used to the gap

pinned to the mattress like an insect to styrofoam/ all my prayers are just apologies

Grit my teeth and try to act deserving / When I know there’s nowhere I can hide from your humiliating grace …. and I would go to church on sunday

rom the sting, paper sheets, bloodwork and the IV / And the whirring machines while the nurses reassure me

(I know I shouldn’t act this way in public)

But I’ve kissed enough bathroom sinks to make up for the lovers that never loved me/ And I know my body is just dirty clothes

And I just let the parking lot swallow me up / Choking your tires, and kicking up dust / Asking aloud why you’re leaving / But the pavement won’t answer me

GET TO KNOW ME MEME 2/7 parallels ➤ JULIEN BAKER “Sour Breath” | “Faith Healer”

hi

hi!

the accuracy of this I-

Some of you have never taken the ‘Am I Gay’ quiz at 13, deliberately chosen the obviously straight answers, and gone to bed content in your clearly authentic, airtight heterosexuality and it shows

so no one told you life was gonna be this gay