Megan Please Give Me A Chance

Jesus Christ allmighty

Deadpool & Wolverine Honda Odyssey fight slowed gifset

You husk simpers gotta be the most DIRTY NASTY FREAKS on the whole planet. Y’all motherfuckers be getting my coochie sore.

My right hand can only move so fast y’all 😭

This old ass man got y’all ERECT

“you were his favorite girls”

I love this so much 😭

Alastors the dad that stepped UP

I could read a series about this I’m a sucker for happy family type shit

Alastor Adopts Your Daughter…And More

Alastor never anticipated that a silly little game of pretend would have his head dipping in a rare display of compassion, his heart fluttering and a subtle blush dusting over his usually cold, sharp features. You, on the other hand, nervously chuckled away right next to him, an ‘I’m sorry, what did you just say, baby?’ tumbling from your lips as you failed to process your daughter’s innocent plea in your state of shock.

“I want Mr. Alastor to pretend to be my daddy forever!” She repeated herself, her little fingers toying with the hem of her shirt. “Pretty please? He’s so nice,” She tentatively added with a sniffle, “And maybe the other kids will stop making fun of me for not having one.”

You were prepared to gently turn her down, but Alastor took her smaller hands in his larger ones before you could utter a single syllable, his ears falling back with an uncharacteristically sympathetic smile. He couldn’t say no to your daughter, her big, round eyes brimming with tears and threatening to stain the chubby cheeks he’d come to adore, his decision only solidified by her gut-wrenching admission.

“I would be honored to pretend to be your father for all of eternity, little one,” Alastor leaned down to tell her, your mouth falling open in disbelief as you observed the tender exchange between the two of them. “So long as your mother permits it, of course.”

Your daughter turned to you with an expectant look on her face, impatiently bouncing on her knees, eliciting an amused chuckle from Alastor. You supposed that there was no harm in entertaining her, mumbling ‘Fine, I’ll think about it,’ to satisfy her. And it worked, an excited squeal flooding the parlor as she turned away and resumed the game with a renewed fervor, a permanent smile etched onto her youthful features.

“You know that means that you’re stuck as my pretend husband, right?” You joked, gently bumping your shoulder against Alastor’s as he leaned back, a newfound affection towards him brewing in the depths of your stomach. “I’m sure you failed to consider that.”

“Oh, the absolute horror!” Alastor turned to you with a gasp of mock-disappointment, however he quickly succumbed to a bout of laughter. “But I could live with it,” He added, reaching out to caress your cheekbone with the back of his hand. Now it was your turn to blush.

While Alastor was unfamiliar with matters of the heart, he’d be willing to sit down with his dear friend Rosie over a long cup of tea if it meant that he could have you two, and not just in a make-believe setting. Besides his mother, you were his favorite girls, and he desperately wanted to chase that foreign feeling that overwhelmed him every time either one of you smiled up at him as if he wasn’t the Radio Demon, the most terrifying, bloodthirsty sinner in all of Hell.

“Does that mean you’re going to have babies now?” Your daughter suddenly asked, eliciting a surprised bleat from Alastor. You could only clamp a hand over your mouth, stifling your nervous laughter. “Because I want to be a big, happy family with many siblings!”

“Baby, I don’t think that’s going to—“ You started, assuming that she had pushed Alastor too far, but he quickly composed himself.

“Perhaps we could arrange to provide you a sibling or two?” Alastor interrupted you, your eyes widening in shock. “Oh, I think you’re just cruel, darling,” He said as he turned to you, gesturing to your pouting daughter, “How can you say no to that sweet little face?”

Chappell as Lady Liberty at Gov Ball 2024, via Rolling Stone

I FOUND IT ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

IM SO HAPPY 🥺🥺🥺

He Chose You (Pt.1)

Lucifer/Reader

Hazbin Hotel AU where Lilith never existed, Lucifer has been lonely for over a millennia and Charlie will be born one way or another. Rated E for explicit sexual content of the raunchiest variety in later chapters and also weird old people.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 13.5 | Part 14 | End

There was a knock at your door. It sounded like someone rapping their knuckles against the wood whimsically, as if following the beat of a song you couldn’t hear.

The methodical folding of your clothes into garage sale-quality drawers came to a halt. You looked over your shoulder, shifting on your feet hesitantly.

It had been little over a week since you moved into the grand old Donner apartment. Apart from a quick tow-in of shoddy furniture from your hired movers, no one had come calling. 

You definitely weren’t expecting anyone either, not in a brand new city you’d spontaneously decided to live in.

After another moment of uncertainty, you pivoted to the door and inched it open to a slit you could peek through. “Hello?”

Your brow furrowed as you stared at the empty space ahead of you. Pulling the door open fully, you peered down one end of the hallway to the other. 

Nothing but cracked and crumbling crown moldings on wainscoting, a matted-looking saxony carpet, the same musty, stale air…

‘Quack’

You nearly jumped out of your skin, head snapping down to see a real, live duck standing just outside your doorframe. 

“Oh!”

     You immediately squatted down to marvel at the animal. It gazed back up at you with beady red eyes and a curious gait. 

“Hey little guy,” You cooed, smiling despite the incongruous image of a waterfowl in your building.

You raised a hand and reached out slowly, instinctive desire to pet the cute little creature warring with a minuscule yet no less embarrassing fear. 

Were ducks typically friendly? You knew so little, ornithology not being your thing. 

“Will you let me pet you?” Your fingers hovered over the surprisingly patient animal before it decided to nudge itself under your palm.

The duck shivered with delight at your touch, all-white feathers ruffling excitedly and tail wagging, looking akin to a very happy dog. 

“Oh my god.” You gasped, heart melting. “You’re so cute!”

Soft feathers brushed against your bent knees as the duck drew close enough to rub its body against you. It had gone from doggish to cat-like effortlessly, and you couldn’t help giggling over how silly it looked.

“Where did you come from?” You asked after a bit of cuddling, glancing from side to side once again. The hallway remained empty, no one running to fetch what you assumed was a beloved pet. 

     ‘That’s… weird.’ You thought. ‘So, who knocked on my door?’ 

It was tempting to ask the bird that was currently bouncing on its webbed feet. You couldn’t help but snort with laughter before positioning yourself so that you were sitting. In an instant, the duck made to climb into your lap, allowing you to carefully lift it onto your legs when it couldn’t reach. 

“You’re so silly!” Grinning, you continued to stroke its head. “Your owner is probably worried sick about their silly little guy.” 

‘Quack’ 

The duck burrowed its head against your stomach as it settled on your lap, and you sighed. “I’d love to keep you, but I don’t know how to take care of you, sweetie.” 

Little red eyes bore into you from below, seemingly wide and beseeching. It was too precious, and too perfect (to the point where you idly wondered if someone was somehow scouting a way to scam you via adorable duck shenanigans).

Aside from the guttural, sad ‘wek’ you got in reply, a slow creak of hinges drew your attention back up. The door across from you had visibly opened the barest amount. You squinted, just able to make out frizzy red hair and a red-rimmed, down-turned mouth in the dim lighting. 

“Oh hey, hi!” You stopped yourself from standing, instead of bracing the bundle in your lap close. “Is this your duck?”

A tingle went up your spine as the door opened fully and an old woman appeared. She was dressed in green capri pants and a ruffled tan blouse, hair red as an open flame and barely kept in-check by a cheetah-print scarf. The makeup she wore was caked on, harsh red lipstick smeared around her thin lips and black kohl-rimmed eyes popping out of her wrinkled face. 

The sour, almost suspicious look on her face softened but did not completely go away, even when she smiled.

“Oh Lou!” She cried, making you jump. “You didn’t get very far, did you? I almost didn’t notice you were gone, you little scoundrel!”

“Well, thank goodness for that I guess. He’s got those little legs, ya see,” She nodded down at your lap, “but he’s so darn fast anyway, might as well be a midget racehorse!”

You chuckled and smiled politely. That persistent tingling at your back had you holding back a shiver, and the skin on your arms prickled and rose. 

“I didn’t know we could have pet ducks in this building.” Your words belied a confidence, as well as interest in having a conversation with this woman, that you didn’t truly have. 

As a matter of fact, despite the inner scolding you gave yourself for being judgmental, you were quite off-put in the woman’s presence. The want to return to your apartment and shut the door in her overly-painted face was rising like a lump in your throat. 

“He seems to really like you, that’s so sweet. He’s not usually this friendly with anyone but my hubby. That’s Mr. Farrow, honey, have you met him?” The woman - presumably Mrs, Farrow, leaned down just a few feet away. 

She still looked to be examining you and your avian companion, the bland pleasantness oozing yet unable to suffocate the shrewd glint in her dark eyes. 

“Oh, uh, no. I’m afraid I haven’t -” You started. 

“Oh, that’s alright! That’s fine! Matter of fact, he’d get an earful from me if he was talkin’ to a pretty thing like you without me knowin’!” Mrs. Farrow laughed. “Just kiddin’, honey. You’re new to the building though, aren’t you? Well, welcome! It’s nice to see a new face here! ‘Specially a young one!” 

“Thank —”

“Maybe that’s why Lou is so taken with you! Animals just thrive off energy and sunshine and all that. Not slow, almost dead things. I’m sure you’re birds of a feather that way.” 

Again, your soft laughter is polite, teetering on nervousness. 

You took a moment to rise, humming apologetically when Lou squawked as he was jostled. On your feet, you instinctively stepped back. One foot over the threshold and solid in your apartment. 

“He is really sweet.” You said, holding the animal out as carefully as you could. “I’m glad he didn’t get lost.”

Mrs. Farrow stared, arms falling to her sides. She didn’t attempt to take the bird from you for a long, long moment. 

Confusion and disbelief clouded your mind as you stood, waiting, watching as Mrs. Farrow’s throat bobbed when she swallowed forcefully. 

What? Was she afraid of the duck?

In a split-second, she returned to smiling animatedly and waved a geriatric hand in the air so flippantly that the uncomfortable moment ceased to exist. 

“Oh honey, you can put him down if you want. He’ll come back over now that our door’s open.” Mrs. Farrow laughed. “Lou’s not my biggest fan. He’s such a prideful thing, you know. Just like Mr. Farrow - it’s probably why they get along so well!”

You blinked, then slowly bent at the waist to let Lou down. The duck made another disdainful quack, red eyes looking at you morosely. 

It’s little legs eventually rowed through the air in an effort to gain footing. You lightly placed him over the carpet and let go, allowing Lou to jump down. 

The duck began waddling away, though it appeared to hang its head as it did so. Occasionally, he turned to look at you, somber and sullen as if bidding farewell before walking on death row. 

“Aww, poor little thing.” Mrs. Farrow drawled. At your side. “Looks like my Lou is sweet on you! Poor guy, I can see why! Again, a lovely young thing like you is probably a gift from above in this stuffy old place.” 

“Say, how long have you been here?” 

You turned to the old woman. “About a week, I’m still getting settled.”

Mrs. Farrow nodded vigorously, eyes bright but mouth pursed. “A week, a week?! A week and no one’s introduced themselves to you?”

“Holy Toledo, you must think we’re all a bunch a’ snobs in here! That’s no good. Oh! Why don’t you come over for dinner sometime and me and my mister can show you some proper hospitality?” 

“Oh, that's really nice of you —” 

“Sure! Sure! It’ll be great, how ‘bout tomorrow night? It’d give us some time to get prepared, have things cleaned and settled. Do you like steak? That’d be perfect, actually. I’ve got some in the freezer just waitin’ to be defrosted.”

“Um, well — That’s a little short notice…”

“I’m sure Mr. Farrow won’t mind. He’ll be glad for the company, and if he isn’t, well he will be when I’m done with him.” She chortled. “Just another joke, honey. He’s always dyin’ to talk to someone that isn’t me. It’d be a real treat to him. Treat ta me too! What do you say?”

Your mouth opened and closed as a light sheen of sweat broke over the nape of your neck. Mrs. Farrow’s sharp eyes were wider, attempting to beguile you while your head was still spinning. 

“I-I guess, maybe —” You stammered.

“Wonderful!” The eccentric woman’s eyes lit up like fireworks, cigarette-smoker’s voice becoming truly raucous in her delight. “I’ll go ahead and get started. You go get back to what it was you were doing before Lou and I interrupted you! And don’t worry about a thing! We might be old timers, but a good meal and good cheer never go out of style.” 

Mrs. Farrow laughed, pretending to shoo you away until you were back inside your apartment and she was pulling your door to a close for you. 

“Have a good night, honey! We’ll see you tomorrow! 6 o’clock, don’t be late!”

Before you knew it, you were staring at the back of your own door again. 

‘What the fuck just happened?’

MY HUSBAND IS BACK

Mammon 🤡

I could tag some mfs but imma keep it very cute very demure 😭

You husk simpers gotta be the most DIRTY NASTY FREAKS on the whole planet. Y’all motherfuckers be getting my coochie sore.

My right hand can only move so fast y’all 😭

This old ass man got y’all ERECT

Are all men so bitchy or is it just the people I’m affiliated with-

I wanna thank the stars that aligned to make Valentino you’re all getting your pussy ATE

Loved him since day ONE ☝️