Raven Makes Mistakes Sometimes.

kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.

i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."

goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'

"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.

behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."

"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."

"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."

later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."

she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.

the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?

i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.

but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.

each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".

but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.

"old friends" is an underrated relationship dynamic because it's such an innocent boring sounding term for what is usually some of the wildest shit imaginable. it's always like 'oh yeah we go way back, we have history' and then you find out that history includes sex, drugs, murder, divorce, war crimes and The Incident

No one talks enough about that one scene where Kaz sweeps a cape over Inej and there are an incredulous amount of flower petals scattering in the wind, and Inej is like these were my mother's favourite flowers, but Kaz is like cool story bro I'm glad you're back :) This boy couldn't care less about these flowers, because he's so focused on his scheme to get her away from Van Eck.

And Inej grows up believing there's no one out there for her who fits the description her father gave her. No one has learned her favourite flower, song, or sweet. She associated these specific items with affection.

And just...Kaz doesn't give Inej these exact things. Not flowers, but a knife. Not sweets, but a ship. Not a song, but the sound of freedom as she rushes to meet her parents at the harbour.

Kaz challenges the idea of love Inej was taught, and I think it's beautiful because what her father said still remains true. It's not about gift-giving, but how well the person has gotten to know you, and Kaz understands what Inej needs goes beyond flowers.

So when they're surrounded by these petals, yes, it's wonderfully symbolic for Inej, but the true expression of Kaz's loyalty isn't in these types of gestures: it lies in the fact that he came back for her, that he fights with and for her. Inej doesn't need flowers, but she needs someone to put her complete trust in. And it is that boy who earns her heart.

We’re all feeling this, right, it’s not just me? SHE-HULK: ATTORNEY AT LAW (2022) — 01x08 “Ribbit and Rip It”

When I was 17 my appendix ruptured because I thought I was just having period cramps and didn’t go to the hospital so don’t tell me PMS symptoms are no big deal

i have so many thoughts about the ending of Narnia, when they fall back through the wardrobe and into the spare room.

What does Narnia think? When their kings and queens vanish? Do they wait for them, the same as they wait for Aslan? Do they think they've been abandoned? Do they search tirelessly? How long does it take for them to give up hope, if they ever do?

And what about the Pevensies? How do they handle suddenly being thrown back into the past? Do their memories blur? Do they struggle with being children again, when their hearts and minds are already so grown? Do they turn to a friend only to remember that they're not there? Do they whisper to trees and ask animals their names and wait in silence before remembering that this is not the world they know?

Does Edmund flinch at Turkish Delights, or the brush of winter? Does Susan ache when someone calls her gentle? Does she ever miss the weight of her bow? Does Peter miss the weight of his sword? Does Lucy ever hear a song and think of Tumnus? Do they all stand straighter, mindlessly keeping their crowns balanced before remembering they aren't there?

Do they struggle with the harsh lack of magic in this new-old world? Do they dream of Narnia and wake up in tears, a hole in their chest that nothing can really fill?

They spent a lifetime in that world, fighting for it and ruling it, learning the laws of magic and royalty; is that something they ever forget?

death: i've come to collect your soul

me: wait one more episode

Anyway adults saying “I don’t know isn’t an answer” is part of the reason I learned to lie and bluff so well.

a collection of seemingly unintentionally profound shitposts that fill me with a viscerally intense feeling of existential awareness

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

i feel like 2021 will be great for fandoms i mean in january we get season 3 of legacies in february we get acosf and in april we get a shadow and bone netflix series in may the black widow movie in june venom in july minions and another marvel movie (i forgot the name) and as far as i remember there is a second the adams family planned and some other stuff maybe we'll even get a percy jackson series on disney+ and a kane chronicles movie on netflix so far that looks pretty great to me. maybe we'll all die because of corona but at least we won't get bored