Recently I Was Thinking About How The Plot Of The Original Life Is Strange Would Make For A PERFECT Columbo

Throwback to that one time I threw Twitter into chaos over whether or not Princess Peach is the artist behind the paintings at her castle. A lot of people were all for it, but some were so vehemently against it that they tried to debunk it.  It’s just a silly headcanon, dudes. Calm down. Peach does more than just bake and get kidnapped. Let her have her hobbies.

Proving Her Wrong

You sit in your chair, arms crossed and scowling, glaring over the lip of the table at the affini sitting across from you. She was resting her chin on a closed fist, watching you intently as you sulked.

Finally, you couldn't contain it any longer. You weren't going to let her walk all over you like that, starsdamnit! "I'm not a seed, Oleria. I appreciate everything you've done to help me, but me needing a Wardship after being rescued from that clanker of a ship doesn't mean-"

"Open." You respond automatically to the word, letting her insert a bite of dinner into your mouth, waiting to continue speaking until after she taps your chin; the signal to let you close and chew.

"Mmm…I…yeah. Um, what was I…? Oh, right- I'm not a seed. Like…yes, maybe I enjoy cuddling and so on, but so does everyone I talk to-"

"All those floret friends you have, you mean? Chloe and Jess and Alice and all them?" She stroked downward on your cheek this time, but your mouth fell open all the same. You knew what it meant by now.

"Mmmmm….fuck, that's tasty. And yeah, they all like cuddling and stuff too! So its fine."

"Sweetie, we talked about this. Mommy doesn't like it when you use language like that in front of her."

"I…s-sorry, Oleria." Your cheeks burn in embarrassment, which is a bit strange. Why would you be embarrassed? She's just helping you out a little, giving you a reminder so you're a model sophont. "But anyway, I do plenty of things that independents do, okay? I play with my friends every single day-"

"When I remind you."

"-And a go to bed at a reasonable hour-"

"Because I gave you a bedtime."

"And I've tried plenty of xenodrugs, something most feralists would never do!" You lean forward, smugly confident.

"…Well on that, I do suppose you have a point. Speaking of which…" She held up her hand out, an injector vine hovering nearby it. Your eyes lock onto the dripping needletip waiting within the gorgeous blooming flower, all thoughts slipping out of your mind as your head finds its way to her palm. Nestling and nuzzling against it as the prick in your neck steals away any traces of resistance for the rest of the evening.

"Theeeere we go. Don't you worry, silly. Mommy knows exactly what you are~"

"Okayyy Mommyyyy…" You giggle. "Yaaaaay."

Lady Detective Reinhold is on the case! 🎀🔎✨

I saw this and immediately thought of the character Spryte from the 1989 Legend Of Zelda cartoon. She's always macking on Link, watching him bathe, pushing him to stop pining over Zelda and start dating her instead ("But Spryte, you're only 3 inches tall!" "So? You don't like short girls?") and overall just relentlessly bratty and constantly horny. It's even a plot point in one episode- Link gets hit with an invisibility spell in which only someone who loves him is able to see him, and Spryte can't because she's only after him for his body.

According to the show's writer, Bob Forward, he added her into the series because fairies were a huge kink for him and he had a sexual awakening seeing Tinkerbell in Peter Pan when he was younger. Bob Forward later went on to invent and patent electric underwear that repeatedly shocks your balls.

(In case anyone thinks I'm joking, I'm not, I promise all of this is true)

way old ref of some werewolves from a pet project that later resurfaced as that one set of brooding midwestern werewolves I drew a bit ago

see what rogen & co dont seem to get here is that you need to do more than cross a singular boundary over and over again to be funny, and stuff thats like “oh it looks like its supposed to be for kids but its unexpectedly ~mature” is only really like… actually jarring/intriguing when you cant ever be entirely sure of the creator’s intentions, which is the case in foodfight! (was this meant to be a movie for kids? was this meant to be a movie for anyone? we cant really ever know) and definitely not the case with sausage party (yes seth, we get it. what if tacos could be lesbians. what if pixar characters did drugs. what if supermarket products were racist although i guess that was sort of also larry kasanoff’s cinematic thesis wasnt it)

which is to say that while foodfight! is certainly not a comfortable viewing experience in of itself (and it’s not funny in any of the ways it intended to be) the singular line, “i’m not the one who’s going to be puppy whipped, you cold farted itch” is and will always be funnier than an animated potato yelling “fuck” repeatedly for like 90 minutes

the professor layton series takes place in the 2010s england is just like that