TW: Alcoholic tendencies, Nicotine addiction, Self-harm, Disordered Eating, Implied cycle of abuse.
I’ve always been hypocritical. Quite frankly its one of my most consistent traits, thinking myself immune to the rules i hold for others. It’s kind of funny honestly, becuase hypocrites run rampant everywhere and never seem to like their own kind. I can’t say i’ve avoided this either, i despise hypocrites myself which in turn makes me even more of one i suppose. Normally my hypocrisy shows most when discussing bad habits, when i urge my friends to eat despite having been starving for days at my own volition, when I say to put down the blade while my wrists are still painted red, when i indulge in hate for my parents while black out drunk with a cig nested between my fingers. I guess thats more excusable then other kinds of hypocrisy at least, as it comes from care for others and a lack of care for oneself. But that always feels flimsy to me, a rose tinted hue over my actions. Besides justifying my actions encourages me even more right? It doesn’t really matter what you answer there because at the end of the day i will still be starving. I will still be in a pool of blood. I will still have cigarettes for breakfast and whiskey for dinner. Maybe theres still hope for change but i won’t persue it. I’d rather die like this then risk being worse for the chance of being better. Thats my biggest crime - being to set in my ways to get better.
One day we need to have a conversation about how the majority of HR professionals are white women and how they operate as the single largest barrier to entry for non white people in corporate.
TW: SH and Suicidal thoughts
Not my dumbass going for round two of selfharm after like twenty minutes. Boi you literally were just crying to ur friend about being suicidal and now ur doing this shite? mmmmmmm tastes like ✨issues✨
diet culture people make me feel like i’m going crazy. you want me to take an experimental pill that destroys my appetite?? you want me to remove part of my stomach??? you want me to stop eating bread and rice, two of the staple foods most inherent to humanity????? why exactly? because my stomach is big? because you don’t like the way i look, and you think it’s reasonable to tell me to carve pieces off of myself and try random drugs and ruin my own life so i can look more visually pleasing to you? and you somehow don’t see how absurdly cruel and selfish that is to ask of somebody???? while pretending you care about their HEALTH????????????????? FUCK YOU!!!!
My time in the mental hospital wasnt fun. Of course no ones reallly is but regardeless. It wasn‘t necessarily the worst, but i have some horror stories. Like when an adult patient came into the childrens ward becuase he was „still in highschool“ and was loudly argued with and then had to be dragged out by the police. Or when i got put in the bad corner for tapping on the wals during quit time and then when i asked for a pen and paper to write down my feelings ,a coping mechanism we had just talked about in group, i was denied and then was left becuase someone else started having a breakdown and asked to be moved to the other mental illness timeout corner so i was less likely to hurt myself ,literally taking initiative and attempting to do the best for my own mental health, and was then called attention seeking for bothering someone when my fellow patient was having a breakdown (the guy who i was asking permission from was just sitting at a desk). What i hated the most was the fact that i wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to anyone because they took me away during quiet time and when i started arguing they threatened to keep me for another week. Sure i have more stories, there was a nine year old who was both suicidal and homicidal, but guess What? She was nice. She had to be put on paper only gowns, lived in the white room, had to be forcefully fed meds, and had been to that specific hospital 5 times alone, and she treated me with more compassion then any of the nurses did. We were friends, i helped her draw, and she confided in me terrible things she had not told anyone about her home-life because i treated her like a human. I never saw her again. The point to this, above all else, is that this system doesn’t work. I felt just as suicidal as I had before but now I was more scared to tell the truth about that because I didn’t want to go back. The people in power have no one to check that they are actually helping and the patients become inmates more often then not. And I know that ill try and commit again, and i hope to god that i‘ll succeed, because i can not go back there again.
A noob trying to make it pro
i know vitamin c basically neutralizes adhd meds but lemonade good
Lines of thought that seem Normal but are actually rooted in extreme puritanism:
-Seeing the nude human body is inherently traumatic -Sex scenes in art are pointless -Wearing kink-related clothing in public is the similar to performing a sex scene in front of unwilling participants -Depicting female characters expressing sexuality is always degrading -People's sexual fantasies are always an endorsement of the behavior they want to see in real life -Sex work is more traumatic and coercive than other types of work The goal is to treat sex as just another thing people do. That is a much healthier attitude than hiding it! It's not uniquely traumatic, it's not weird to talk about it or include it in society.
why was seawatt kind of sassy
This is just a bunch of thinly veiled rants about my fucked up brain.
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