Anyone Remember Hancock?

Anyone remember Hancock?

I’m joking, but it reminded me of this.

Quick question: What happens if Jaune amps himself when he nuts?

I believe the answer would be a stellar career in the bukkake portion of porn

Either that or guaranteed conception

More Posts from Thesapsmith and Others

2 years ago

He would cry.

And then he’d steal some of Weiss’ outfits and run off to take her spot at Beacon.

You know it would be so funny is IQ Weiss got back to atlas and suddenly became Jacques' favorite for being so horrible and callous. What will Whitley do then huh? Cry, I think.


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4 years ago

In an AU where Velvet had silver eyes, this would be half the reason he’d let Jaune enroll.

A small militia of silver-eyed, ultra-durable potential Hunters, with night-vision and super hearing.

It’d be his ace in the rabbit-hole.

Would Velvet have many kids with Jaune like regular bunnies do and if so how many?

velvet: *blush* BABIES?!

jaune: *blush*


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5 years ago

Why do I imagine Jaune pulling out a perfectly forged fake fed id, like he just made one in case he needs it?

Abuse of the Uniform

Officer Yang: You’re under arrest Vomit Boy!

Jaune, playing along: Oh, and why might that be officer?

Yang, winking: For being hella cute~

Jaune, flirtatiously: Oh no~ Surely there’s ‘something’ I can do to make this all go away…?

Yang, leaning in: Oh, I’m sure we could arrange something…

Jaune: Unfortunately I’m an undercover fed. You’re under arrest for misuse of government-granted authority.

Yang: Ah dammit.

4 years ago

I seriously keep wanting to write a fic that starts with this, and they just end up landing within sight of each other.

Then they have to trek an indeterminate distance together to get to the evacuation point back at Beacon or back to Vale. Jaune wouldn’t have a clue who she is at this point in canon, I think?

Feels and bonding would happen, I have no idea what would happen once they were wherever they wanted to go though...

It’s not just that they both lost someone at Beacon. It’s that they couldn’t do anything to stop it.

It’s Not Just That They Both Lost Someone At Beacon. It’s That They Couldn’t Do Anything To Stop

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4 years ago

How likely would it be to see Willow molotov the Hound?

You're laughing. Willow schnee is about to druken fist with the hound rock lee style and you're laughing.

4 years ago

What if Jaune caught Neo, and then lifted her so she was higher than him, then tip-toed up to kiss her after?

Okay but imagine that first Silent Knight kiss

Jaune’s knees are bent but he still has to lean down and nearly hurt his neck to reach Neo

Neo is on the tips of her toes practically pulling Jaune down to her level, using him as support so she doesn’t fall over


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4 years ago

I’m almost surprised it wasn’t a tasteful ‘team photo’ in that basket.

Councilman Arc: Jaune begins to call out Atlas on its treatment of Mantle and the parasitic nature of the relationship as Atlas rarely shares anything that they can’t rip away in an instant. This forces Atlas to better their treatment of Mantle and leads to the Happy Huntresses wanting to show Jaune just how happy he’s made them.

One visit was all it took. His very first travel to Atlas, as part of diplomatic relations. All he wanted was to visit Mantle once, to see it. Some of the politician said that there was not much to see.

Jaune saw enough.

He realized just how dependent Atlas was of Mantle. They relied on the city below on just about anything. And how were they repaid? With scorn.

Scorn, ridicule and even more corruption.

Jaune forced their hand. He informed Ironwood that the ill treament of Mantle was attracting Grimm and would cause a catastrophe in the long run.

Hence, the support for Mantle was enforced. Ironwood gained some support among Mantle for the move, even if some Atlas dwellers accused the man of kowtowing to a youngling beginner in the great game of politics.

Ironwood was no politician, however, so he could give a fuck.

Added bonus for Jaune was that his efforts did not go unnoticed by a certain group within Mantle. The Happy Huntresses were a volunteer group that was thinning out Grimm beyond the walls of Mantle, thus supporting the sparse military presence up to the reforms allocating resources for it.

The blonde received...a gift basket.

Not what he thought, given the trend, but he’d gladly take it. Some ham, sweets, a few pieces of fruit and...

And there it was.

A piece of paper with a scroll number, which also read “Call me″. Although that could mean anything.

And hey, he had a lot to learn, and this woman could maybe teach him a thing or two.

4 years ago

I just wish they’d let you setup a default filter set, if I’m never going to care to read about “Some Pairing” or “Some Fandom” or any sort of taggable thing I wish you could set it once and have it default to being in that slot, even better if you can then remove it just as easily as a one-time thing.

I know about Tuff’s userscript but I’d rather it tie to my account.

Setting a default language or languages would also be nice.

The only thing I want from ao3 is primary and secondary categories for ship tags and a "read more" type deal for the tags so they aren't all on display at once.

I just want to be able to find fics that are mainly about the ship I'm interested in, while being able to scroll past the smut fics tagged with every kink under the sun in a timely manner. Is that really too much to ask?

5 years ago

Had to go looking for this because you’re the only person ever to spell Jinn with one n

Magic knight AU

*a few weeks after salem’s defeat*

Yang: can’t believe this is finally over.

Ruby: i know, me too.

Weiss: what do we do now? I mean, with the relics, we can’t leave them all together, it would be really dangerous.

Nora: then we should throw them away right? That way no one will ever find them again.

Ren: we used the power of the maidens to finish salem, so i don’t think we can use the vaults anymore, and considering they attract grimm it would be better if we threw them somewhere far away from population.

Oscar: why don’t throw it in the ocean? people won’t find it there and the grimms would stay surrounding it, but since they’re gimms they won’t use them, that way even if someone tried to get them he would have to deal with several underwater grimms.

Ruby: thats a good idea.

Yang: sounds good for me too.

Blake: then i think is decided, we’re throwing them in the ocean.

Jaune: well, before we do that, i was thinking about something.

Ruby: what is it?

Jaune: we never really used our third question for the relic of knowledge right?

Weiss: yes, there’s one last question available since we managed to defeat salem without asking her anything.

Jaune: *picking up the relic of choice* then i know what i’ll ask her.

Ruby: jaune, what are you-

Jaune: jin.

*time freezes around them and a blue mist comes up before a tall blue woman shows up*

Jin: hello again childrens, its been awhile.

Ruby: *sheepishly* yeah, it is.

Jin: i still can answer one more question in this era, so, what is your question.

Ruby: well, i don’t know, jaune is the one who called you.

Jin: really? *turns to jaune who’s blushing and looking away* is there something wrong?

Jaune: *face as red as a tomato* d-don’t you wear any clothes?

Jin: i don’t have the need to use them, you can look if you want.

Jaune: *slowly turns to her, still trying to keep his eyes away from areas they shouldn’t stare* okay.

Jin: *chuckles* you’re a cute little one aren’t you?

Jaune: *blushes a bit more*

Jin: so, what is your question?

Jaune: well, you being the relic of knowledge and all, i think you know already what we’re going to do with all the relics right?

Jin: you’re planning to throw them in the ocean, i’m aware of that.

Jaune: so, my question is, are you happy? With y’know, being trapped alone into this relic for all this time and probably for the rest of your life?

RWBY,NR,OSCAR: *eyes wide in surprise.

Jin: *taken aback* what?

Jaune: are you happy with being trapped alone inside the relic?

Jin: …young man, are you sure that you want to use your last question for that?

Jaune: *nods*

Jin: *with a small smile* i must say im surprised, i never expected anyone to make me sutch a question, but no, i’m not happy being inside this lamp, being trapped there alone for more than a millenia isn’t exactly what you would call fun, i wanted to see the places i know on my mind, but i can’t, i am a prisoner from the relic *raising her arms* these shackles are a proof that i’m never going to be really free *looks down slightly* my job is to answer questions and thats what im going to do for the rest of my existence; or at least until the relic of knowledge exists.

Jaune: so, you can’t really be free because of the lamp?

Jin: yes, unfortunately.

Jaune: but what if the lamp didn’t existed?

Jin: it doesn’t matter, no one would risk a relic with unlimited knowledge just to free someone like me, my fate has already beeb decided, i’ll stay here forever.

Jaune: you’re wrong, we are the ones who decide our fates, no one can do that for us.

Jin: im afraid i can’t do that, not while i’m still trapped by the lamp.

Jaune: then lets take care of it *unsheathes his sword coating it in a bright white aura*

Jin: wait, what are you-

Jaune: HRRAHH *slashes the lamp breaking it completely*

RWBY,NR,OSCAR: *drops jaw on the ground*

Jin: *eyes wide and completely speechless* …why?

Jaune: this way you’re free right? Now you can choose your fate and decide what you want to do with your life.

Jin: *stares as her shackles slowly vanish* i-

*times starts to pass again and jin gets covered in a blue mist before falling on the ground*

Jaune: *hurry towards her* jin are you oka…*blushes deeply*

Jin: *now with a fair skin tone, blue eyes, blue hair, slightly shorter than jaune in height and completely naked* what? i’m…human…?

Jaune: *looking away with a dark red blush* i-i think so *takes off his hoodie handing to her* t-take it for now, at least you won’t be naked.

Jin: *eyes start to tear up before she leaps at him, trapping him in a tight hug* thank you…thank you so much…

Jaune: *blushing to an atomic level* i-i-its o-okay, d-d-don’t worry about t-that.

Jin: why did you freed me? I don’t think i can answer big questions without the relic.

Jaune: *trying to ignore the embarrassment and her naked chest against his shirtless torso* w-well, n-no one should b-be treated like t-that, i c-couldn’t let y-you t-t-trapped in there, n-now y-y-you c-can choose w-what to d-do with y-your l-life.

Jin: so, i can choose whatever i want?

Jaune: *nods*

Jin: *smiling and hugging him closer* then i want to stay with you, forever and ever.

Jaune: *blushing to a solar level* wait! What!?

RWBY,NR,OSCAR: …

Yang: is it me or jaune just smooth talked a hot ancient relic into being his girlfriend?

Weiss: honestly, i gave up trying to understand these things a long time ago.


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5 years ago

Think you would do another part to the missing for a year ask

Missing For A Year Part 2

What originally was supposed to be a day of remembrance and comfort to those who had mourned the ‘death’ of the two leaders of ®WBY and (J)NPR, quickly became a revelation of confusion and shock. For after almost a year after their supposed passing, Ruby and Jaune returned to Beacon at the day of their own memorial with more than a few surprises. Many of the friends family felt relief that their friends/children/sibling while others had…..unique reactions.

Glynda: For the love of-I JUST HAD THIS SCHOOL FIXED! (Starts to repair the damages done to the door) Mr. Pine would you be so kind as to bring back Miss Schnee and…the newly announced parents. Preferably before she tears the courtyard apart.

Oscar: I’ll try but I can’t make any guarantees.

Glynda: Understandable. Now hurry!

Oscar starts to sprint after them in order to calm matters before they escalate. Meanwhile, the remaining friends of Ruby and Jaune take in the new situation.

Blake: Are they going to be ok? Weiss seems pretty mad.

Neptune: Yeah she’s fine, the two of them… well not so much.

Sun: By the way, how’re you doing babe? I mean we just did get a major truth bomb dropped on us.

Blake: I’m really not sure what I’m feeling. Shock, elation, grief, betrayal…..it’s a mixed bag at the moment.

Sun: Hey take whatever time you need. In the meantime, want to go see the new babies!

Blake: …..Sure. I think that’ll be nice.

Neptune: Also should we get Ren? He’s been still as a statue for a good minute or two. I think he’s also forgotten how to breathe.

Ren: godchildren…godchildren…I’m a godfather…

Sun: Ok buddy come on let’s go. *Grabs him like a cardboard cutout*

Meanwhile….

Ruby: ‘Huff! Huff! Huff!’ I think we lost her

Jaune: *Kneeled over in exhaustion* Man, here I thought we were gonna be having a nice reunion with everyone. Not to run in our own funeral.

Ruby: Technically it was a memorial.

Jaune: Haha. Oh yeah like that’s way better.

Ruby: Look, let’s just see if we can talk to her. She seems pretty upset about it all. Can’t imagine what she’s going through. I mean we basically were proclaimed dead by everyone then to suddenly just stumble back into their lives unannounced and without warning.

Jaune: Yeah that would put her in a questionable state of grief.

Ruby: I wish we could make it up to her you know.

Weiss: Maybe you can by accepting your punishment… *Peeking over the bush they were hiding in*

Slowly the couple turned their heads backwards to see their assailant right behind them. Nervous expressions written on their faces due to the unnervingly calm the SDC heiress/huntress was being.

Ruby: Weiss…hey, how are you?

Weiss: Good…heard you’re married now…and with children.

Ruby: Y-Yeah. Had a really busy year.

Weiss: Oh I had a busy year too. By busy I meant that I spent most of the past year in grief over the death of two of my dearest friends.

Ruby: Oh…that sounds terrible.

Weiss: It was…but do you want to know what’s worse than grieving over the dead?

Jaune: What’s that?

Weiss: Finding our that all your grief was wasted on two absolute morons who didn’t even know the proper way to send a letter to their grieving friends. But who also managed to start up a new life entirely ignorant of the pain their absence caused others. But you want to know the bright side?

Ruby/Jaune: …..what’s the bright-

From a birds eye view, newly installed cameras recorded the sudden appearance of a massive snowy explosion in Beacon’s courtyard. The sound of the sudden explosion alerted the attention of the deputy assistant to the headmistress, as he saw a large amount of snow built up seemingly out of nowhere.

Oscar: Oh no…Welp! At least I know where they are. *Starts running*

It takes Oscar about five minutes to get to the epicenter of the explosion as he had to walk through all the snow built up from the explosion. There he finds Weiss holding onto a supply bag and a rather large ice cube.

Oscar: Weiss, did you have to do this in the courtyard?

Weiss: Yup.

Oscar: ‘Sigh’ Honestly I don’t blame you. By the way where’s Ruby and Jaune?

Weiss: Close by. *Uses Myrtenaster to spin the ice cube to reveal everything but the faces of the couple encased in the block of ice*

Ruby: *Teeth chattering* H-H-hey Oscar… how’s it…ha-hanging?

Oscar: I’m good…..are they ok?

Weiss: Oh don’t mind them they’re completely fine. This is just the punishment they are going to endure being stuck in one place for the remainder of the day. Right? *Glares at the two leaders*

Jaune: *teeth chattering* Y-y-yeah! To-Totally…no problems here! R-R-Right Ruby?

Ruby: *teeth chattering* Y-Y-Yep! Totally… peachy!

Oscar: Somehow I don’t believe…

Weiss: Oh you worry too much. They’re not going to get hypothermia from being in there. There Aura will protect their body temperature and the worst they can get from this is a cold.

Oscar: How kind of you.

Weiss: Do you want to go in the cube?

Oscar: *puts hands up in surrender* No! I’m good! I’m completely ok with being outside the cube.

Weiss: Good! Now come along you too, a LOT of people probably wish to see you right now. Weiss then uses her summoning glyph to bring out the Arma Gigas, who takes block of ice and carries it for her. With Oscar by her side the two begin to walk back to the main auditorium of Beacon.

Glynda: There you are Miss Schnee, did you manage to reconcile with- Why do you have a giant ice cube?

Weiss: Yes. I did in fact reconcile with my leader and her…husband. And for why I have this ice cube, see for yourself.

The Arma Gigas leaned down so that Goodwitch could see the couple’s faces.

Glynda: …..So I see. Well in any case, a lot of the Xiao-Long and Arc Families are eager to see these two. So would you mind if you could-?

Weiss: Of course.

Weiss’ summoning places the ice cube down and pushes it inside, causing the block to slide against the floor until it’s in the middle of the room.

Ruby: H-H-Hey everyone!

Taiyang: Ruby! *Runs over everyone in his path to get to her* My precious little bud! I-I can’t believe you’re here and alive! …..I…I thought I lost you too. *Hugs the cube*

Ruby: O-Oh Dad….I’m s-so s-s-sorry! I would h-hug you if-f-f my arms we-weren’t f-frozen.

Taiyang: It’s ok sweetie…you’re being here is all I need.

????: JAUNE MILES ARC!

Jaune: O-oh Crud…

A middle aged blonde woman marches over to the ice cube, with a frying pan in hand. Her eyes seemed to project fire despite having no magic.

Jaune: M-M-Mom! H-H-Hold on a s-s-second! I c-can exp-plain!

Mrs. Arc: Young man…..you…*drops the pan*

Jaune: Huh? *Face gets cradled*

Mrs. Arc: My baby…my baby boy…..*sobbing*

Jaune: M-M-Mom….. *Gets tarry eyed* I-I’m sorry for making you g-g-go through that.

Mrs. Arc: Oh Jaune…you have nothing to be sorry about my little blessing. You’re here now.

Nora: Awww! What a wonderful family reunion!

The others began to gather around the cube to ask their questions about where the two leaders have been this entire time, and the couple did their best to answer the many asked questions. Weiss even lessened the temperature of the ices o that they could say complete sentences without the cold stuttering.

Blake: Where happened to you two when you two defeated Salem?

Ruby: Well do you remember how she used her magic to bring the temple up to the atmosphere? Well when it was descending we saw that it was heading straight to the face of a mountain so luckily, both of us clung to a straying falling fragment in time while Jaune amplified our auras to withstand the impact of landing.

Jaune: Still has a bit to spare to heal us enough so that I could carry us to a nearby village. It was a fairly new settlement that probably was uncharted on most maps at the time.

Ren: Which means we wouldn’t have been able to find the village…

Jaune: Bingo!

Yang: *Holding Summer in her arms still, while the baby was contently playing with her hair* What happened to you afterwards?

Ruby: Well after Salem’s defeat, Jaune and I decided that we both wanted to take a little bit of a break from huntsmen work, so we decided to do some traveling. We already confessed to each other after the first month and got our marriage license in the second month at a court house. By that time we had gone from Mistral to Vacuo. But at the time of the third month…..I started to get sick, a lot. Didn’t take us long to go to a doctor to see why and to both our surprise I was a couple weeks along in my pregnancy.

Jaune: So we put exploring the world on hold and settled down in a local down in Southern Vale.

Weiss: How did you keep you’re presence under the radar for so long?

Ruby: Honestly we didn’t even know people were looking for us since Salem’s defeat so we just dressed like normal citizens and kept our hunting gear in our briefcases.

Weiss: Of course you did. *Face palm*

Nora: Welp looks like everything worked out in the end! All’s well that ends well!

Jaune: Um…Nora. Where’s Rowan?

Nora: Huh?

Jaune: The baby you were holding before we ran off you were holding onto him and now you’re not.

Nora: I’m not! *Looks all around herself, but finds nothing* …..Uh oh.

Jaune: …..Nora, you were watching him did you give him to somebody else?

Nora: I don’t think so!

Ruby: What! Nora did you lose my baby!

Nora: Ren did I give him to you?!

Ren: No I haven’t even gotten to hold him. *slightly disappointed*

Nora: Uuuuuhhh no, oh gods. *starts to hyperventilate* I don’t know what I did with him! I LOST THE BABY!

????: Ahem!

Nora and the others look to the source of the voice and there they see Whitley looking upwards.

Whitley: I think I found your missing baby. *Points Up*

Everyone looks up and to the parents surprise/horror, Rowan had somehow climbed up to the ceiling and was crawling on one of the ceiling beams.

Rowan: *Cute Baby Noises and waves at them*

Ruby/Nora: AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Nora: Don’t worry baby I’ll save you!

Weiss: Whitley! Why didn’t you tell us this sooner?!

Whitley: *Still looking up* He was doing fine climbing up there by himself so I wanted to wait and see if he could climb down.

Nora: *Up on the beams, slow to approach the infant* Hey there baby Rowan! Hi sweetie~ Listen why don’t you come over here to Auntie Nora. Come on~

Rowan: *Baby noises and crawls the opposite way*

Nora: Wait. No Rowan! You’re going the wrong way! Over HERE! Towards ME!

Rowan: *Baby noises but looks down to see the giant ice cube.* Aaaaaah! Ma! Ba!

Nora: Yes you want to go see mommy and daddy right? So just come over to me and I’ll take you to them. Ok sweetie!

Rowan: Hehehehe! *Falls over the edge*

Nora: NO! *Trues to catch him but fails*

Ruby/Jaune: ROWAN!!

Rowan falls down from the ceiling and just before he gets close to the ground his descent is slowed down before it stops completely leaving him completely suspended in midair. Then he is levitated over to his savior, Miss Goodwitch.

Glynda: Young man. I should let you know that playing in the ceiling is no place for a child to play.

Rowan: ….. *blows raspberries then laughs*

Glynda: *Smiles* You’re very lucky you’re not one of my students. Not yet anyway. Miss Rose, I believe this is belongs to you. *Levitates the baby over to Taiyang, who was standing right by her*

Ruby: Oh! My sweet baby boy, I’m so glad you’re safe!

Rowan: *cute baby noises* Ma!

Everyone: Awww.

Nora: AAAH! *Falls to the ground* …..I’m ok! Ow!

-End of Part 2-

Hope you guys like this second addition to the Missing for a Year post I made a month ago. Stay safe and I’ll talk to you all later!

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