I Think I Might Be Relapsing.

“Imagine having a child that refuses to hug you or even look you in the eyes”

Imagine being shamed, as a child, for not showing affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being forced, as a child, to show affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being told, as a child, that your ways of expressing affection weren’t good enough. Imagine being taught, as a child, to associate physical affection with pain and coercion.

i just wanna say, as a feeding tube haver, that it's so much more possible to get used to invasive medical devices than you might fear.

i grew up horrified by even being reminded organs exist. i was just so severely grossed out by human anatomy. i got a lot better about it through years of chronic illness, since you just have to get used to it. but that's the baseline i started from originally, in case you are also squeamish and wonder if it's possible for that to change.

so when i needed a feeding tube, i was pretty distressed by the idea. having a tube sticking through a new hole in my abdomen was a seriously horrifying concept, and i couldn't imagine coping with having a stoma (the hole) and caring for it etc. i did it because i needed it to survive but thought i might never get used to it.

and yeah, it freaked me out at first. but eventually i did just get used to it. it just feels normal now. i even feel affection towards it, because it is keeping me alive.

I just had a migraine visual aura stop as a tiny little speck and in literally a few seconds I would not properly see out of either eyes because the aura filled my vision that fast. I am not exaggerating, I noticed the tiny speck of aura and in the few seconds it took for me to grab my meds from my bag the aura spread to the point that I could not read. I think that's a world record and in related news, I am visiting urgent care as so as I am able to because what the fuck. That should not happen. I think is has something to do with my eye photophobia suddenly getting so much worse so quickly over the last few months. There might be something wrong with my eyes and I'm very worried

please please please don’t forget to include intellectual disability, psychosis / schizospec disorders, level 2-3 autistics, folks w dissociative disorders, and others with “severe mental illness” from ur conversations about mad liberation.

these are some of the most vulnerable and disenfranchised mad people, and we need to give them a voice.

these are the places where liberation is needed the most

‘how do you expect people who have been abused by someone with NPD to refer to their abuse then?’

by calling it what it is: emotional abuse.

it’s not difficult.

slapping the word ‘narcissistic’ on the front of abuse is blindly assigning blame and associating the abusive behaviours with NPD, despite the fact that nowhere in the criteria does it state any abusive behaviours as a symptom.

i understand that people who are severely mentally unwell are more prone to abusing others, however to point the blame at a disorder (and therefore at everyone with the disorder) is ableist, irresponsible and grossly misinformed.

to put it into perspective as to how bad the stigma surrounding NPD is, i have been diagnosed with NPD and have been told i should be killed because of it, that i will inevitably abuse my partners i have had, i’ve had partners in the past be harassed by people saying that it’s ‘just a matter of time’ before i abuse them without any of these people ever even knowing me. i see endless amounts of things online calling all narcissists evil, as well as having my own experiences with abuse disregarded because they do not believe someone with NPD could be anything other than a perpetrator, despite the fact NPD is induced by trauma. the list goes on.

your choice of wording does matter and it does damage people with NPD.

seeing supposedly 'neurodivergent friendly' creators (who are usually Autistic/ADHD) stigmatize NPD, ASPD, and any PD under the sun makes me so angry. like they think 'neurodivergent' means 'Autism and ADHD' when the creator of the term meant for it to be a term for anyone with a different neurotype INCLUDING PDs, schizophrenia, psychosis, and all the disorders people love to treat horribly. i've had people tell me that the term was originally intended for AuDHD only so people are just using that definition but... definitions change. i thought autistic people knew that. i thought we were familiar with this. but not when it comes to demonized disorders... ok.

(p.s. it's really easy to just say Autistic, ADHD instead of 'neurodivergent' when you're only catering to Autistic and ADHD individuals)

Being disabled has made me notice all of the ways the world is failing in accessibility. I’m fortunate that I can now open doors with my arms/hands, but do you know how many times I look around and there is no wheelchair access button on public doorways? Or how many times the button is broken? Or how there is no place to sit in a store, or the chairs were recently removed when I planned on using them to rest? Not to mention the uneven sidewalks, or aisles that are too narrow, or whatever else? People really do forget disabled people exist.

Came across a video of a guy showing other wheelchair users how to get up and down escalators in a manual chair, and my God, the comments were just filled with people, or rather 2 very dedicated people yelling "This is SO DANGEROUS!! You should not be showing people how to do this!!! You will never need to do this because everywhere HAS to have lifts!!! Its the law!!!!" Over and over again.

Like tell me you've never gone to a public place with/as a wheelchair user, lol. Even in countries like America that have the ADA and Australia that has the DDA, you aren't garuenteed accessibility. You should be, but the unfortunate reality is that just because it's the law doesn't mean businesses/people will listen.

If I didn't know that escalator trick in uni I'd have probably missed so many classes I'd have had to repeat a year because the lift at the local train station broke at least once a week, and the ones at my local shopping centre I think worked maybe...twice the 3 years I lived there. Like obviously, it should be more accessible and lifts should be available because not everyone can do that trick, but why are you getting mad at disabled people for working with what we've got? Get mad at the people breaking the ADA/DDA, not us.

Disabled people aren't these fragile little flowers, nor are we children that need protecting from ourselves. If we are using the escalator, we can handle it, I promise.

sure there’s a ramp, but is it steep? is there a curb at the top? is the ground uneven? do i need a key for the elevator? are the aisles and doorways wide enough? do i have room to turn? is there furniture and clutter in my way? is the carpet difficult to wheel on? can i open the doors myself?

accessibility to wheelchairs is more than just a ramp.

An unpopular opinion that actually makes sense when I explain why I have it. (Well makes sense if you're not abelist)

I'm not too fond of the "I don't want to be led by the people that ate off of led paint and played in asbestos." Criticism against baby boomers.

Obvious abelism aside (the criticism is implying that baby boomers are less fit to lead because asbestos and lead severely negatively impacts cognitive functioning.)

But both of these mass disabling events are centered around a lack of knowledge that asbestos and lead has such a severe impact on cognitive functioning.

And I don't like that because many people today are also victims of a mass disabling event caused by a lack of information.

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.

Up until 2013. The only fetal alcohol diagnosis that existed was Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. And it's caused by severe alcoholism in the pregnant person, and the baby tends to have withdrawals after they're born.

Back then. It was believed if you drank while pregnant, you could still get lucky, and your child can be born "completely fine".

But very recently (I think it was in the early 2000s?) People started saying "No. They're not 'completely fine'. They don't have the classic signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but they're still impacted by the alcohol on the developing fetus." And it was in 2013 they realized that yes. Even "just one or two glasses" causes Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

It's estimated 1 in 10 pregnant women between the ages of 15-41 have had alcohol in the past month and 1 in 5 first graders have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

Fetal alcohol syndrome is pretty well known. They have a distinct face shape and learning disability.

But fetal alcohol spectrum disorder can (but doesn't always) have specific facial features. Other symptoms include

Trouble with emotional regulation

Issues learning

Low body weight

Loss of coordination

Issues with empathy

Shorter height

Hyperactivity

Holding attention difficulties

And you're thinking "wow. That sounds a lot like my autism/ADHD diagnosis". Yeah. Since it's not well known in its mild forms. It's often misdiagnosed as autism/ADHD and often times the best way to know is by straight up asking your parents if there's any chance your mom drank while pregnant.

I asked my mom, and she was one of those strict "I didn't even dye my hair while pregnant because I thought the chemicals would seep through my skin and affect the baby."

But like...

Let's not make fun of baby boomers for being disabled due to a lack of knowledge? When a lot of us Millennials and GenZ are probably affected by a similar lack of information.

-fae