“Show, Don’t Tell!”: Using The Five Senses In Writing

“Show, Don’t Tell!”: Using the Five Senses in Writing

This is an extended piece to my ‘Show, Don’t tell’ post. When writing the senses, I like to imagine the scene as if I were watching a movie. It’s the simplest way for me to picture and write when it comes to descriptions. You don’t want to overload the reader, but you do want to paint the picture instead of telling them. Staying aware of the five senses in your writing will dramatically improve your skill. It not only helps the reader be a part of the story but helps the writer set important scenes, without having to outright state what is happening. In this post, I will explain how I use the five senses in my writing. As always, my advice is subjective and only to show what I personally do. Whether you keep the senses in mind as you write, or you edit them in later, making sure you pay attention to keywords will help eliminate the stress of going back later to figure out what (maybe!) went wrong.

SEE: On Sight

One of the easiest ways to go about elaborating sight is to eliminate words related to vision (look, saw, gazed, peek, etc). It also helps to stay aware of items, colors, sizes, etc. Do the same thing you’d do with words related to sight, eliminate them. Of course, don’t erase every word or phrase, but being proactive, keeping them in mind, and avoiding them will help you avoid overloading your reader with too much purple prose. (Granted, I would die for purple prose, but I understand that’s not everyone’s thing).

Examples:

Jill saw Jack running. He carried a silver pail. He tripped and fell down the hill.

There are a lot of sight-words in this example. As the writer, it is your decision to choose what you want to elaborate on, whether it is one thing, or all of them. How much of the story you want to paint is up to you—

Jack’s feet blurred against the green grass as his toe caught his ankle. He rolled on his side, his silver pail flying into the air and reaching Jill first.

Jill craned her neck to find Jack staggering down the hill. Water sloshed from the sides of the bucket, swinging and glistening in the sunlight. He stumbled and grabbed for the handle with his second hand as the pail threatened to leave his grasp, and then he slipped, toppling down the hill.

In both of these scenarios, the reader can “see” that Jack is running and tripped without specifically stating that Jill saw it. They also “see” he had a silver pail and dropped it.

Being more visually descriptive is also very important for facial expressions. It takes a simple mood and elevates it. Describing the expression also gives the reader the chance to “feel” that way too, almost like a mimic, which helps them visualize and empathize with the character.

Example:

Maxine made a disgusted face.

Think of what a disgusted reaction looks like; usually, it involves frowning, pinching your nose, sticking out your tongue, etc. Sometimes, it can help to look in a mirror and write what you’re seeing, too.

Maxine flared her nostrils and stuck out her tongue.

In the latter example, the reader is able to infer that Maxine is disgusted by how the writer described her reaction.

HEAR: On Sound

Describing sound can be tricky. It’s also hard to remember when to use it. We tend to think of sound in terms of music or voices—okay, okay, sometimes we sprinkle in animals howling or the wind blowing, too!—but sound can be incredibly important in setting a scene and is often under-utilized. Sounds let the reader know their surroundings without pulling from what is going on and adds intensity!

Examples:

Manuel sat nervously at the coffee table.

Again, as the writer, you can decide where to incorporate the use of sound. Here are a couple of suggestions, based on the above example:

Manuel’s fingers drummed against the table and drowned out the low whistle escaping from between his teeth as he exhaled. All around him, there was cheerful chatter, through which the barista’s loud voice occasionally sliced.

Manuel’s thoughts whirred and hummed, a dull grinding and the clinking of glass broke through the constant thump of his knee against the underside of the table.

In both of these examples, the reader was able to gather that Manuel was nervous (tapping knee, drumming fingers, low whistle). They are also able to gather he is in a coffee shop (or a restaurant of sorts) without explicitly saying so.

TOUCH: On Sensation

The best way to handle touch is by imagining whatever it is you are describing and what it feels like. If you don’t know how something feels, google it. Don’t describe a snake as slimy just because its scales are shiny and gives it a slime-like effect. That said, touch doesn’t just deal with what your character is physically touching. It can also deal with emotions and help to express them without saying outright how your character feels.

Example:

Opal touched the silk blanket. She felt sleepy and closed her eyes.

Here we can elaborate on what the blanket feels like when Opal touches it and how she feels to indicate she is tired:

The supple fabric slid between Opal’s fingers like water. Her tired muscles sagged and sharp, tiny pinpricks pressed against her heavy eyelids as she lay back.

The reader knows the blanket was very soft and also that she is tired without specifically stating she was sleepy.

TASTE: On Flavor

Taste is a fun sense to mess with. It can show the reader so much more than how delicious the bread is (or how gross dirt is). I like to play around with taste in the weather/air, the taste of fear, the taste of cat hair in your mouth because there is always cat hair in your mouth… all right, maybe that’s a personal thing.

Example:

The sun rose over the city.

What do you use for taste here? A city can’t taste, the sun doesn’t taste, but your character does!

Yellow light spilled over the streets, soaking the grit from the rainbow puddles into the air. The bitter grease lingered and settled in his mouth, strengthening every time he scraped his teeth against his tongue.

Experiment with taste in your writing. Describe things you wouldn’t normally think to taste, like crude oil*. The internet is a good resource when it’s something you don’t want to try yourself, like crude oil**. Chances are, someone out there has already tried it and explained what it tastes like online.

SCENT: On Smell

Ahhh, smell. Smell lets the reader know so much: they can figure out where a character is, what they’re doing, where they are, etc., just from a few scent-related descriptors thrown around. Smell is also useful in triggering memories or past events.

Danny walked through the forest.

You can use so many of the five senses here! But since we’re focusing on scent, let’s zero in on that:

A crisp hint of pine lingered in the air and blended with the pungent decay of the brown needles underfoot.

Without stating anything about a forest, the reader has an idea of where Danny is. You can also use smell to show emotion!

Danny was in love.

How do you smell love, K? Well, you’ve got me there: you can’t. But as a writer, you can think of what love means to you and of things you associate with love, and work from there. Personally, I imagine it would have a sweet smell, maybe too sweet.

A rush of flowery sweetness filled his nostrils as the handsome young man walked by.

There you have it. Of course, there’s a lot more to writing the five senses, as there is with anything, but this is to give you a basic idea of what I do when I’m writing. Being proactive and keeping the senses in mind while writing can be tough and exhausting, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And you don’t leave it all for editing! Remember: the most important thing is to keep practicing.

Happy writing!

* Please do not taste crude oil. I can’t believe I have to type this, but some people want to eat Tide Pods, so here I am.

** Do not taste crude oil. You will die.

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More Posts from Thequeerish and Others

thequeerish

7 years ago

I would just like to point out the many many candles in this photo. I guess “I’ll always be with you” included the candles. Or did Clarke go back to Polis for them? I can imagine her digging through the tower’s rubble and finding thousands of candles. The ones on the metal structure on the left are all sh has left.

JRothenbergTV Momma provides. @MisElizaJane @LolaFlanery #The100 #BTSMonday

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thequeerish

4 years ago

Please don’t pirate books at least while the author is alive. I’ll make an exception for actual billionaires and wildly expensive textbooks you cannot afford yet need to complete your studies. I can’t make an exception for assholes, because we’re all considered assholes by someone. I don’t know how many people realise how many writers who created successful, beloved stories and characters still die poor while other people get rich off the same work. I don’t think people realise that in the UK the current average yearly earnings for an author has nosedived over the last fifteen years to £10,500. That obviously is forcing people to quit writing. It increasingly means writing is a job for people who’ve inherited money or have wealthy spouses who can support them. I don’t know if people realise that in general, writers are poor and getting poorer. I’m sorry, but if you think widespread sense of entitlement to free books has nothing to do with that … you’re just wrong.

I say I don’t think people realise - the truth is I hope they don’t, because the alternative is that they don’t care. That’s certainly the impression I’ve got from Twitter, where a truly horrifying number of people are arguing that copyright on all books should expire after thirty years, and you should be able to acquire books for free after that. This … would not just mean that everyone gets free books. It would mean if you write a book at 30, not only do you lose any royalties from it at 60, but Disney can take it, make a franchise out of it, Scrooge McDuck it up in a pool of money while you starve because writers don’t get workplace pensions.

Some threads on the unintended (?) consequences of this. I can’t go over it all again. John Brownlow NK Jemisin Michael Marshall Smith Me Marina Lostetter Kari Dru and others William Gibson and others

There are plenty of others. It’s not that this actual idea will actually happen, but I do think it reinforces the idea that it’s not only okay, but sometimes actually virtuous to search for ways to enjoy writers’ work without paying for it. Like it’s somehow a step towards a better world. Not just at the reader end, to be fair, at the employer end too. And I do see a lot of people here too who are all about supporting workers unless the workers are writers in which case fuck’em.

Like. If you want to radically change society in such a way that mass-media conglomerates don’t exist and so can’t exploit us and we’re supported to make art in some other way than fine. But can you start the revolution with actual rich people please, not ask us to live right now, in the society we’ve got, without the money we need to survive it. Finally, a plea: I really, really, do not want to debate this. This whole thing genuinely makes me feel tense and shaky and sick. If you’ve got to disagree - unfollow me, block me, vagueblog somewhere I can’t see it. The Twitter version of this already has me feeling like I’ve been kicked in the gut. I didn’t want to write this post. I just felt I wasn’t going to have any peace until I did.

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thequeerish

4 months ago

My wife would love this card!

~giveaway~

last one for the day 😮‍💨 this MPP portrait is up for grabs!

rules:

be 18+ because I’ll be asking for your mailing address if you win

open internationally

1 reblog = 1 entry, likes don’t count as an entry!

I will pull for the winner on Feb 12 😁

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thequeerish

3 years ago

Hi, so I've finished a short story, a first draft you could say, but there are still some kinks in it that I want to iron out. What is stopping me is that it seems just such a huge job, I wouldn't know where to start. And so I keep making excuses. (Chances are I'll use this as an escuse as well, that I'll wait until I hear your answer.) Any tips on where to start?

Procrastination & The Editing Stage...

Procrastination is typically a symptom of anxiety and perfectionism. Before you ask how you solve the problem, you should figure out why you’re having it in the first place. This is an immensely helpful practice in the long run. Ask yourself why you’re so anxious to start examining your own work and test various possible exercises that could soothe this anxiety long enough to get started.

Editing is understandably very intimidating. It’s daunting to have to sit down and actively look for flaws (or as I like to say, room for improvement) in your own work. Writing is a practice in vulnerability sometimes editing can feel like critiquing your own emotions. In order to edit well, you have to detach from your own connection to the content and view it objectively. If you’re having trouble with this, I recommend putting literal distance between yourself and the writing.

Let it sit physically and mentally away from you for a few months and then come back to it with fresh eyes and preferably a second project in the foreground of your writing time. This will allow you to see it as a story rather than a part of you, and therefore you will find it easier to criticize.

I have a few posts and tips that touch on the subject of procrastination and approaching work you’re intimidated by that expand upon the topic:

Stop Getting Too Attached When Writing

Healthy Forms of Motivation

How To Have A Productive Mindset

How To Fall In Love With Writing

Writing Through Mental Health Struggles

Dear Writers Who Are Hesitant To Start Writing

“All First Drafts Are Crap” -- My Thoughts

Getting Back To Writing After A Long Hiatus

Why “Burnout” Is Oay - The Creative Cycle

Wanting To Finish A Story You’ve Fallen Out of Love With

How To Use Beta-Reader Feedback

How To Actually Get Writing Done

Writing On A Schedule

Coming Back To A Story After A Break

Coming Back To A Story You’ve Grown Since

How To Prevent Getting Stuck

Sticking To A Story (Working on Multiple Projects)

Writing Your Way Through The Plot Fog

Get Back Into The Stride of Writing

When you are finally ready to start editing, perhaps a few of these resources may be helpful to you:

Step-By-Step : Editing Your Own Writing

Improving Flow In Writing

Constructive Criticism : How To Give & Receive

How To Make A Scene More Heartfelt

How To Perfect The Tone

Editing & Proofreading Cheat Sheet

A Guide To Tension & Suspense

What To Change Draft-By-Draft

Dialogue Punctuation

Finding And Fixing Plot Holes

On Underwriting

Denoting Flashbacks

Ultimate Guide To Symbolism

Expanding Scenes

Naming Stories

Tips on Descriptions

Tips on Balancing Development

Tips on Connecting Chapters

Tips On Dialogue

Using Vocabulary

Balancing Detail & Development

Showing Vs Telling

Writing The Middle of Your Story

–

Masterlist | WIP Blog

If you enjoy my blog and wish for it to continue being updated frequently and for me to continue putting my energy toward answering your questions, please consider Buying Me A Coffee, or pledging your support on Patreon, where I offer early access and exclusive benefits for only $5/month.

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thequeerish

3 years ago

Day Thirty-Five

of @the-wip-project‘s challenge

Q35: How do you describe sounds?

A35: There’s a lot of silence in my current wip. It’s a way to voice the loneliness the main character feels. Plus, most of the story takes place in winter in my home town where, at least during the era the story is set in, the accumulation of snow dampens all sounds.

You have given me something to think about, though. Will make sure that I don’t forget to describe sounds, or lack thereof, in my text.

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thequeerish

8 years ago

It was so nice to see Clarke happy! I think she smiled more in this scene than in the all the episodes since 3x07 combined.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

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spoiler season 4 the 100 clarke griffin clarke deserves better

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thequeerish

1 year ago

All acceptable and encouraged forms of fanfiction. Thank you creators

“This reads like fanfiction (it feels like it was written by a preteen, and most of such things posted publicly are fanfic)” vs “This reads like fanfiction (it has a focus on character and relationships, like the style of a lot of modern fanfic)” vs “This reads like fanfiction (it keeps referencing people and events with the assumption that the audience is already familiar with them, like how fanfic doesn’t need to rehash the source material)”

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thequeerish

3 years ago

Day Twenty-five

of @the-wip-project‘s #100daysofwriting challenge

Q25: What have you learned recently, about yourself, about your writing, about your story?

A25: I’ve learnt all kinds of things recently, part of it during this challenge the most important ones to me are:

It’s difficult for me to “find time” aka force myself into a chair and actually write. Part of this issue is because I do have little time with a young family, a full time job and elders whom I support. But ... more and more I am concerned that I am not writing because when I finish this current wip I will have to say goodbye to the wip’s world and characters and I’m not ready to give up that part of my brain.

I have no shortage of creative ideas. I have difficulty putting them into a cohesive plot.

I tend to rework my plot every few months. I try very hard to stick to one but ... then ideas that are better occur to me.

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100daysofwriting

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thequeerish

2 years ago

classic scifi novels by men r always like. page 1 here’s a cool scifi idea i had. page 2 i hate women so much it’s unreal

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book recs scifi reading list

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thequeerish

2 months ago

Fun activities

It's very endearing to me how many people are willing to keep an eye on a video feed so they can push a button and let a fish in the Netherlands get to the other side of a dam.

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doing do any of these things

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