“But If You Forget To Reblog Madame Zeroni, You And Your Family Will Be Cursed For Always And Eternity.”

Content: domestic Simon ''Ghost'' Riley, husband!Simon, massages, fluff, A LOT of ass smacks because this man has a whole ass bakery.

Simon sat quietly next to you on the couch, mind reeling with the stress from the mission he just came back from, gaze distant and focused on staring ahead. You know better than to take it personal, aware that he simply needs time to unwind and process he's back home, safe and sound.

''Would you like a massage?'' You offer with a small smile, noticing how his muscles seem more tense than usual, bulging out of his clothes even more. He's quiet for a few seconds before looking at you, managing to return a half-smile and nod in agreement. Your hands hold his, trying to pull him out of the couch and being unable to— the asshole is making himself heavier on purpose, a smug smirk painting his lips at the thought of annoying his wife.

You pull harder, grunts escaping your lips because he's just too damn heavy.

''Simon.'' One stern look is all it takes for him to willingly get up from the couch, playfully swatting your head out of the way before running away once you try to kick his ass, running right after him while a small laugh escapes your lips. You crash on his back, purposely pushing him face-down in bed before smacking his ass, dragging a quiet, muffled laugh out of him.

You remove his muddy boots, helping him get out of his clothes until he's stripped down to his boxers, still laying face-down in bed, trusting you completely with his body. You get a bottle of massage oil from the closet, landing another playful slap on his rear before straddling him, sitting on his ass as you began spreading the oil all over his back. He let out a grunt at the spank, but didn't bother protesting, too distracted by the sensation of the cold oil being spread all over his tense muscles.

Your hands work wonders soon after, kneading and applying pressure on every single one of his muscles, slowly getting rid of the knots and tension in his body. He laid in bed with his head turned to the side, eyes closed as he relaxed and enjoyed the feeling of your hands working over his muscles, low moans leaving his lips sometimes at the pressure applied on his back muscles.

20 minutes is all it took to get rid of most of the knots on his back, planting a gentle kiss on the side of his head before giving him another one on the cheek, getting a grunt in response from the half-asleep man.

''I love you.'' You whisper in his ear, using the leftover oil on your hand to massage his bicep.

''I love you too, sweet girl.'' He manages to reply, voice groggy and deeper as he tried to stay awake to spend more time with you. A small giggle leaves your lips when you see his struggle, getting off of him and jokingly playing bongos on his ass, looking at the muscle and fat giggling underneath your touch.

''God, your ass is so perfect.'' Your tone is playful, but he's no stranger to you worshipping his body, a small smile on his lips at your words.

''S'all yours.'' He mumbles sweetly, voice still gravelly and coarse as he allowed you to do as you pleased with him. Another gently spank is delivered to his ass before you lean down, biting one of his asscheeks— not hard enough to hurt him, but hard enough for him to feel it. His muscles twitch from the sudden sensation before he relaxes, a small chuckle leaving his lips as he turns to look at you with a smug grin.

A/N: I don't wanna kms anymore so here's some tender Simon instead of angst efbhjfehbj<3 writing some rimming stuff soonish AND I'm going back into writing nasty sinful monkey sex more :3

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Cute birds appreciation post

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Do not talk about your abusive family on tiktok. Do not talk about your closeted identity on tiktok. Do not talk about your traumas and mental illnesses on tiktok. Do not talk about your plans to move out from your abusive household on tiktok. Do not talk about the ways you disagree with your bigoted family on tiktok.

Do not attach your face or voice to anything on tiktok that you do not want your family members, neighbors, coworkers, or classmates to see. Be smart and stay safe.

Look at the baby!! 😭🥰🥰❤️

7/15 happy birthday to izuku midoriya!! his final birthday while the series is still ongoing 😭😭😭 i luv u son

Why are feminists mad that we care about Ken vs Barbie who actually was just Becky from the burbs?

Also how the Barbie movie handle gender dynamics…I would rather eat cake from Marie Antoinette than see another Hollywood feminist movie ever again.

They're mad because the movie was allegedly about the struggles women face, about how they need feminism yadda yadda, but the execution of the film told a different story than what the producer and writers wanted.

The Barbie movie started by showing the feminist utopia, a world where men were playthings to be used for a night, and discarded by morning, where men held no positions of power, and owned no property except the clothes on their backs.

The Kens were fine with this, after all, they were made to be with Barbies, and they only knew the Barbie world, where Barbie could be anything, but Ken could only be Ken.

They then went to the real world, witnessed reality, Ken saw how much more the Kens could be, Barbie was sold the bog standard Feminist message.

Ken takes his realization back to Barbie world and informs the Kens, and so, the Kens take over, they do all the work, love the Barbies, and everyone is actually happy.

And it wasn't some dictatorship like the Barbies had, both Kens and Barbies could hold positions of power, they even planned to have elections.

Barbie comes back and has a meltdown, how could her Feminist utopia be ruined? So, she hatches a plan, she takes the Barbies, one by one, and has Feminist struggle sessions with them.

They plan to rig the elections, force the Kens to fight eachother so only the Barbies can vote, and it happens, the Kens are once again stripped of their dignity and rights, everything goes back to normal in Barbie world.

Ken decides he's had enough of this and leaves, clearly he'll never be enough for Barbie, and Barbie leaves too, she realized she was wrong, she never wanted power, and the film ends with Barbie trying to get pregnant and start a family.

The film isn't a pro feminist one, it mocks feminism and the feminist creators don't even understand how.

It should be to no one's surprise that Ken's song won the Oscar, while the film did not, and no, the film doesn't deserve an Oscar simply because the premise of the film was that women should just win.

Just finished hamlet & had to share THIS

Reblog the writers’ fortune cookie for luck!

🤣🤣🤣

i always give a lazy two finger salute when cars stop for me at a crosswalk and it's devolved so much that at this point I feel like an icon of jesus whenever I cross the street

This is pure gold 🤣🤣🤣

please watch this tiktok (x)