Chapter 1

Chapter 1

This wan’t how I intended to re-enter the public eye, although frankly I hadn’t intended to go public at all after the operation was shut down. Sure, I had fantasized about it, but I’d never really wanted the attention to begin with, and the politics involved were always a mess. I stood in the aisle, leaning against the armrest of a middle-aged woman’s seat, breathing heavily. The hair on the back of my neck prickled, warning me about the other passengers watching me. Something warm and wet trickled off my lip and dripped onto the floor. I swiped at my nose with the back of my hand, unsurprised to see blood. I had pushed myself too far, used up more energy in two minutes than I had in the past five years. But it was flowing back to me, and it felt good.

The plane shuddered and lurched as we were towed off the landing strip and toward the gate. Pushing myself upright, I stumbled back to my seat. The eyes of the other passengers followed me, and I could see a mix of relief, confusion, and fear on their faces as I passed. The oxygen masks had deployed during the chaos, and they swung in unison, like choreographed dancers. A toddler was wailing over the hum of the airplane systems, and the lights of the airstrip flickered in through the windows as the plane jostled towards the gate.

When I reached my seat I rummaged through the seat back pocket, pulling out an ancient mp3 player, headphones, and my wallet. I stuffed them into my jeans and pulled my backpack out from under the seat in front of mine. The empty plastic water bottle in the side pouch got caught on something and flew spinning up the aisle. The cockpit door banged open, making me jump, and the pilot barreled out. His eyes met mine and he strode down the aisle, disbelief and anger staining his cheeks. He opened his mouth to scream at me, but I’d already had enough of him.

“No,” I held up my hand to stop him and his mouth snapped closed and he stopped halfway down the aisle. He turned even redder, furious, but unable to move or speak. The co-pilot poked his head out after the pilot, and looked nervously at me. “Good. We’re all here.” I straightened up. “Attention everyone, I need everyone’s attention please.” I knew everyone was already looking at me, but I needed the extra few seconds to steady my nerves. “The feds are going to come talk to you.” I added more power to my voice, pulling my audience in. “You will tell them everything you saw. You will tell them the truth, but you may not tell anyone else. After tonight, you will only remember that there was a dangerous malfunction, and this brave pilot,” I gestured to the copilot, still standing by the cockpit door, “managed to get us all here in one piece. He’s a real hero, and you are all very grateful to him. You will forget my face, forget that I was on this flight, and forget what I did.” I zipped up my jacket and swung my backpack onto my shoulder.

The other passengers and staff looked glassy-eyed, and some of them shook their heads, as they fought my orders. I took a deep breath, pulling more power from my core. It surged through my body, like electricity, crackling over my nose and stopping the flow of blood. I stepped into the air and willed myself up and away, phasing through the ceiling of the small plane. I hovered there, in the freezing January air, breathing puffy white clouds. Swirling my power around me in a protective cocoon, I felt it shielding me from the wind and obscuring me from view. I pulled out my phone, powered it on, and dialed a familiar number.

“Smith.”

“Hey, there was an incident. Everyone’s ok, but the Department is going to want to come handle this one.”

“Erin? Erin, you need to come in. The director has questions.”

“The director wants to put me in a cage. You know I can’t come back, not after what I did.”

“Let’s talk about this.”

“I know you have to try to get me back, but please just listen. Someone came after me. Someone who knows about the project. I’m the last loose end, and someone is trying to clean me up. We both know that won’t work, but I can’t let other people get hurt in the crossfire, not again.” I glanced at the emergency crews swarming the plane, illuminated by blinding spot lights.

“Erin, listen…”

“Vegas airport. You have until midnight before they lose their memories, although I’m not sure how good of a job I did, so you might do some cursory exit interviews. Don’t bother with the phone, I’ll leave it here for you.”

“Erin, I’m so sorry about what happened. You were kids. You didn’t deserve that.”

“I know.” I knew this was a a ploy to keep me on the line, but there was real remorse behind those words, pain even. I snapped the phone closed. It was a cheap plastic flip phone that I only carried for emergencies. I let it go and it floated beside me, components disassembling themselves and dropping to the ground. I snapped the chips into several pieces, and the wind carried them off. Might as well make it a challenge for them. I pulled out my wallet, removing the driver’s license I used to buy my plane ticket and dropping it to fly away with the bits of my phone. I had liked being Sam Davis, but they would cross check the passenger list with the people who got off the plane as well as the security footage at the airport. It was time to pay a visit to Luca. I sucked in a deep breath of the cold night air, and vanished.

More Posts from The-story-of-erin-lee and Others

9 months ago

Okay, okay, here's perhaps my spiciest and most controversial take yet.

Now, before I even say anything, please note that I am talking specifically about fantasy. Not retellings of myths, not historical fiction set in different countries, nothing like that. This is for second-world fantasy, where you're creating a whole different world.

Ready?

Stop making everything so damn complicated!

This is not to say that you can't have a rich and exciting world filled with lore, religion, different societies, traditions, unique geographies. Not that. Of course we want that: it's the whole reason we read fantasy. I'm talking about something else.

This is my simple takedown, and you can read the rest to better understand what I mean:

Stop jamming your story with five billion weird words.

Don't use super complicated nouns.

Keep the characters to a minimum so we can know and like them.

Don't yammer on about all the backstory.

Stop making readers do homework just to understand things.

Focus on the feeling a story gives instead of the intricate worldbuilding.

Why is it important to keep things simple?

A lot of people shy away from fantasy because they assume that every fantasy story is going to be so complicated that their head will hurt. Not in terms of plot - many people like complicated plots - but in terms of terminology and history. Things that ultimately don't really matter to the plot.

We as writers often assume that everyone cares about our story as much as we do and is equally captivated by every detail. This is simply not true.

To your reader, your story is not their life's work: it is entertainment that they want to be able to pick down and put up at their leisure. It's a distraction from their difficult lives and all their real-world frustrations. If they get really into it and, say, write fanfic or whatever, that's amazing! But they're not likely to do that if they feel like they'll be jumped on for doing something wrong or that they have to include every single little detail.

For example, I wrote over 1 million words of Touken Ranbu fanfic. Touken Ranbu, at its heart, has a very simple premise: you've got a bunch of legendary swords that were turned into hot men and fight evil time-traveling monsters. You can understand it with just that. There are layers to it, though, that you can slowly untangle. That makes for good writing because it works on multiple levels depending on how much you care about it.

I would have given up on the story if I felt like I needed a dictionary just to understand the plot. Most people would. Language needs to be accessible and premises need to be clear, or no one is going to want to go deeper.

Subtle little details that people can pick up are way more enjoyable than tossing every single factoid at people so that they feel overwhelmed and can't think. It's wonderful to have rich layers of symbolism, mythology, etc. That's excellent. But you can only get people to care about those things if they can actually comprehend your damn story.

A lot of the things that turn people off from fantasy are all about a writer's ego, and it oozes through the work. People can tell that you're wanting them to pat you on the back for putting so much shit in your story. It's annoying and a total turn-off when you make readers work so hard to comprehend what you're saying.

So what exactly am I talking about? This.

Using made-up terms for everything that could easily be explained with a normal English word

When I am writing fantasy, I imagine myself as a translator. After all, my made-up societies have their own made-up language (Seinish) that is referenced a few times.

However, I'm not using Seinish words all the time. I'm writing in English. I didn't write out a Seinish dictionary or even come up with most of the terms because, honestly? Most readers don't care. They want to understand what's going on in as simple of terms as possible, with only a few specific terms that remind us that we're somewhere different.

I may use some specialized terminology, but it's always couched in context clues that make us aware of what it is without actually having to just say "sdlkjfslkdjf, also known as a marketplace."

For example, in The Eirenic Verses, the High Poet Society has religious centers called meronyms. (Which actually isn't a made-up word, just used in a unique context.) We know they're religious centers because we see all the religious leaders living there. Someone sees the term "meronym" and goes "oh yeah, that's the religious place" and moves on.

It's one of the only confusing, specialized terms in the book other than place names, which people expect whenever they're reading fantasy. Because of that, it stands out and is easy to remember. It's not one of 1029310283012830132 different terms someone has to remember in order to follow along.

Even Tolkien, famed for literally writing an entire extra book full of lore for his stories, doesn't really use that much specialized terminology except for place names. My favorite author, China Mieville, only uses specialized terminology for things that have absolutely no basis in our reality and that can't be explained otherwise. And he's an extremely eloquent guy who uses the weirdest words possible whenever he can. If he can write a book that's mostly comprehensible without a cheat sheet, you can too.

If there is an English term for what you are trying to explain, just use that, for the love of god. The point of writing a story is not to show how smart and special you are: it is to tell a story. You need to remove as many barriers to access as possible.

Things that get a pass and can be made up most, if not all, of the time:

Place names (as in specific places, not categories of things)

Peoples' names

Languages

Species that don't exist in our world

Modes of transportation that don't exist in our world

Magic that can't be explained in any other way

Technology that can't be defined by our language

Look, if you have an animal that is basically a dragon, just call it a dragon. If you've got a wheeled carriage, call it a carriage. Call earth magic something based in earth terms, like "terravitae" or something, idk. There should be some connection to our world in your terminology because you are writing this in English for an English-speaking audience.

It doesn't make you a lazy writer, it makes you one that wants people to understand what you're talking about. Again, imagining yourself as a translator is a good way to keep yourself from going ham on the nouns.

Proper nouns that are way too complicated

Let's look at some well-known proper nouns from fantasy.

Middle Earth

Narnia

Earthsea

Discworld

Westeros

Ankh-Morpork

Bas-Lag

Wonderland

They're all ... simple. They're not a million syllables with weird intonations and accents and all that. If you showed this to a medieval peasant, they'd probably be able to pronounce them and would likely understand that they were place names.

Unless there's a good reason to have a weird name, don't use one. Come up with something simpler.

All of these I mentioned are three syllables or less, making them easier to remember. In fact, I'd argue that nearly every proper noun in your book should be no more than three syllables. Maybe one or two four-syllable ones.

Any very weird name should be balanced out by several easier ones so that it stands out.

40 million characters

Younger writers often want their world to feel very lived in, so they introduce dozens of characters with their own names, descriptions, backstories, etc etc etc. The problem is that this is a huge mental load on your reader, especially if a lot of the characters have very similar names. It makes reading your stuff into a chore rather than an enjoyable experience.

Now, some literary greats do have a lot of characters. But they get away with it because they're great.

I'm not great, so I don't do that.

I'd also suggest that you don't do that, regardless of how good you think you are.

To see if you have too many chracters, write out a dramatis personnae and rank it in terms of importance. Does your top tier have like 15 characters? Cut some. Figure out where they are in the story and if they don't exist for more than a few pages, delete them. Absorb them into someone else.

If a character is only in one scene, don't bother naming them. They don't matter enough. This reduces the cognitive load for your reader because they can see that character for what they are: a background person who exists only briefly.

Any time you name a character, they need to have deep plot relevance. The more unusual your character's name, the more important they should be. And they should have some sort of relationship to another character, preferably the main character. Otherwise, why are they there? Why do we care? Go away!

Way too much backstory

I am an adult and my brain is filled with 50 million other things. I have to remember stuff for my job, I have a to-do list, I have family I care about who needs me.

Your story is not the end-all be-all of my existence. Hell, my story is not the end-all be-all of my existence either. I want to be able to pick up your book, understand what's going on, and then delve a bit deeper or even make up my own headcanons.

I do not need the entirety of your story's world thrown at me right off the bat. It is overwhelming and tiring. Imagine if you visited a different country and someone immediately came up to you and started spewing the whole history of the country right after you stepped off the plane. That's what you're doing to your readers!

Think also about how you approach your everyday world. Do you reel off a million facts about your personal history the instant you meet someone? No, of course not. It'd be weird and creepy.

Are you constantly recalling facts about your city while walking down the street? Do you even know any major facts about your city? You probably know a few little trivia points and that's it. Because it's not relevant to you, and it's not relevant to your readers, either. I can't recall off the top of my head when Cleveland was settled, but I can tell you that we have the world's first Dunkleosteus fossil in our museum, because that is interesting to me. That's the kind of thing that makes a place feel lived-in, not four hundred thousand pages of exposition about the place's history.

Give your readers time to settle in, and reveal things slowly as they make sense. Maybe we hear a little bit about the country's government as they pass a parliament house, or because they have to visit the city center for a different reason. If it's not pertinent to the current scene, then don't put it there.

I've got tons of lore for my world. Some of it may be referenced one singular time, and some of it may be never referenced at all. That's okay, because it's just for me to get a better sense of the place I created. If a reader doesn't need it, then I don't bother putting it in, because it might detract from their enjoyment.

Overall: stop making your readers do homework!

We do not want our readers to feel like they are working when they are reading our stuff. Excellent writers can infuse deep themes and symbology into their stories without making it feel like work. These are the writers who are remembered forever, because not only have they made a good story that you can enjoy at a surface level, but they have also twined in deeper themes that you can dive into after you've digested the story.

I did my undergrad in British literature, so I read a lot of Shakespeare and contemporaneous authors. Shakespeare is considered complicated by modern standards because of the Elizabethan language, but if you translated it into modern terms, his stories are simple. People betray each other and stab each other, or fuck each other, or get transported to weird magical worlds.

You could watch a Shakespeare play and think absolutely nothing of the themes, but still enjoy the story. You could know absolutely nothing about Greek history and still get the gist.

This is because Shakespeare specifically wrote his plays to appeal to a mass audience. He was a god-tier author when it came to balancing symbology and plot. To be like Shakespeare, be simple. Remember that your reader does. not. really. care. all that much. They don't.

It's very unlikely that your writing is going to become someone's life's work and they're going to spend their whole existence studying. Cool if true, but unlikely.

Your job is to make a story that people like and want to read. Only when you've gotten people liking and reading do you get permission to go ham with the backstory and the characterization and the weird names, because they trust you to create a story that they will like. Otherwise, your primary objective is making people feel things so they want to feel more things and read more stories.

People care more about how a story makes them feel than the specifics

Yes, of course there are outliers to this who really want every single detail of the world, but those are few and far between. You should not tailor your story to these exceptions. Think about the average everyday person.

I have many books that I love, but I can't tell you everything about them now. I can, however, tell you how I felt when I was reading them: the plot twists that made me gasp, the thing that made me cry. I can give you a general, sweeping impression of whether I liked or disliked the story and what made me feel something. This is what people recommend books based on: how they felt.

Your story should focus on the plot and the emotion. People watch movies, listen to music, read books, or look at art to feel something, not to memorize factoids for later usage. Even if they do want to memorize factoids, they won't do that if they haven't built an emotional connection to the story.

While in life, we want facts over feelings, it's opposite in creative writing. We want feelings over facts. The emotional resonance, the mood, the characters, the plot: that is what is important, not showing off how smart you are and how much you have thought about your story.

9 months ago

NEED HELP WRITING? (a masterlist)

I have likely not added many that I've reblogged to this list. Please feel free to roam my blog and/or ask/message me to add something you'd like to see on this list!

Synonym Lists

Look by @writers-potion

Descriptors

Voices by @saraswritingtipps

Show, Don't Tell by @lyralit

Tips & Tricks

5 Tips for Creating Intimidating Antagonists by @writingwithfolklore

How To (Realistically) Make a Habit of Writing by @byoldervine

Let's Talk About Misdirection by @deception-united

Tips to Improve Character Voice by @tanaor

Stephen King's Top 20 Rules for Writers posted by @toocoolformedschool

Fun Things to Add to a Fight Scene (Hand to Hand Edition) by @illarian-rambling

Questions I Ask My Beta Readers by @burntoutdaydreamer

Skip Google for Research by @s-n-arly

Breaking Writing Rules Right: Don't Write Direct Dialogue by @septemberercfawkes

Databases/Resources

International Clothing

Advice/Uplifting

Too Ashamed of Writing To Write by @writingquestionsanswered

"Said" is Beautiful by @blue-eyed-author

9 months ago

Jealousy Starters

"Why do you need to talk to them?"

"You seem to enjoy their company more than mine."

"Are you cheating on me?"

"I saw how you looked at them."

"Why did they text you?"

"You never laugh like that with me."

"Who were you with last night?"

"You’re always so secretive with your phone."

"I bet you’re hiding something from me."

"I don’t trust your friends."

"Why did you stay out so late?"

"Who is more important to you, me or them?"

"You never make time for us anymore."

"Are they more interesting than me?"

"You didn’t tell me you were meeting them."

"I feel like you’re replacing me."

"Why do you need to dress up for them?"

"Are you trying to impress someone else?"

"Why didn’t you invite me?"

"I bet you wish you were with them instead."

9 months ago

Signs of Attraction

Mirroring your movements unconsciously.

Frequent light touches on your arm or back during conversation.

Persistent eye contact, with pupils dilated when looking at you.

Quick glances at your lips while talking.

Frequent, almost nervous laughter in response to your jokes.

Finding excuses to start or extend conversations.

Revealing personal details in hopes of creating a deeper connection.

Sudden interest in your hobbies or activities.

Adjusting clothing or hair when they notice you looking.

Offering compliments not just about your appearance, but your qualities or achievements.

Standing closer to you than to others in a group.

Making plans for future meetings without a specific reason.

9 months ago

When writing emotionally reserved characters:

Show your character's struggles with holding in emotions. Just because your character won't let themself go in public, doesn't mean they don't struggle holding everything in.

Find a motive. Pride and/or consideration for those around them can make emotionally reserved people hold back more than would be considered good for them. There are other reasons too, perhaps the initial cause and the reason now are different, but try to give them a reason.

Show side-effects. Everything you bottled up shows itself in another way, whether it's physical or mental. This can be long- and short-term, depending on the severity of the emotions.

Give them coping mechanisms. Everyone who wishes not to show certain emotions has a trick or two to keep themselves in check. Taking a sip of water, not looking people in the eyes, clenching their fists, breathing just a bit too deeply.

Write subconscious signs that they give off, which close friends or family might pick on. Just because these characters want to keep their emotions to themselves, doesn't mean they don't give off signs. Some manage to keep said signs well hidden from those closest to them, but it's more common for environment to pick up on something at the very least.

9 months ago

writing morally gray characters

When you're fleshing out a morally gray character, get into their head. Explore what makes them tick—their backstory, beliefs, and what gets them out of bed in the morning. These characters aren't black and white; they're a swirling mix of shades of gray. Show the tug-of-war they feel inside when faced with tough decisions. It's like watching someone juggle their principles and desires right in front of you—it's what makes them feel real.

Throw your character into situations where the right path isn't crystal clear. Life's full of those messy, uncertain moments, and your character should reflect that. It keeps readers guessing and rooting for them to figure it out.

your character grow over time. Maybe their moral compass shifts as they learn from their mistakes or adapt to changing circumstances. People change, and so should your characters—it keeps the story fresh and unpredictable.

Give your character a unique flavor. Avoid the tired old stereotypes personas. Mix it up with quirks, a distinct background, or motivations that aren't what you'd expect.

Even if your character's choices aren't always squeaky clean, make sure readers can see their humanity. Share their doubts, vulnerabilities, and reasons behind their actions. It's about making them relatable, even when they're making questionable calls.

Every action has a reaction, right? Show how your character's decisions ripple out and affect not just them, but everyone around them.

Remember, morally gray doesn't mean they're totally without a conscience. Your character might have their own code or justify their actions based on their unique perspective. It's all about that gray area where things get interesting.

Decide where your character's moral rollercoaster is headed. Will they evolve into a better version of themselves, slide back into old habits, or stay forever stuck in that gray zone?

9 months ago

Trope chats: Dream twists

Trope Chats: Dream Twists

The dream plot twist, a narrative device wherein a significant portion of the story is revealed to be a dream or illusion, has been a recurring trope in literature. This essay embarks on a deep dive into the appeal, pitfalls, and evolution of the dream plot twist, examining its historical roots, its enduring appeal, the challenges it poses, and how it has evolved over time.

The dream plot twist captivates readers by challenging their perception of reality within the narrative. It adds a layer of complexity to the storytelling, prompting readers to question the authenticity of the events they've witnessed. This twist provides a sense of surprise and revelation, offering authors a unique opportunity to subvert expectations and manipulate the narrative trajectory. The dream plot twist can evoke a range of emotions, from shock and disbelief to introspection and reevaluation, as readers grapple with the implications of the revelation.

The dream plot twist has roots in ancient storytelling traditions, where dreams were often considered conduits to otherworldly realms or divine messages. However, it gained prominence in Western literature with the advent of psychological realism in the 19th century. Works like Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and Ambrose Bierce's "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" demonstrated how dreams could be wielded as powerful narrative tools.

Over time, the dream plot twist has evolved, taking on various forms and purposes. It has been used to explore the nature of consciousness and reality, as seen in Philip K. Dick's science fiction works like "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" and Christopher Nolan's film "Inception." Alternatively, authors have employed dream sequences to delve into characters' inner thoughts and emotions, providing insight into their subconscious minds.

Despite its appeal, the dream plot twist is not without its pitfalls. The revelation that a significant portion of the story was a dream can leave readers feeling cheated or manipulated. If not executed skillfully, it can be perceived as a narrative shortcut or a cheap gimmick. Authors must tread carefully to ensure that the twist enhances the story rather than undermining the reader's investment in the narrative.

Moreover, excessive use of the dream plot twist can lead to predictability, diminishing its impact over time. Readers may become wary of investing emotionally in a story, fearing that the events they witness may ultimately prove illusory.

The dream plot twist can significantly impact reader engagement, for better or worse. When executed effectively, it can prompt readers to reassess the entire narrative, fostering discussions and interpretations. However, if mishandled, it may lead to frustration and a sense of betrayal, eroding the trust between the author and the audience.

The dream plot twist remains a fascinating and versatile narrative device, offering authors a unique tool to explore themes of perception, reality, and consciousness. Its enduring appeal lies in its ability to surprise, challenge, and provoke thought. However, authors must navigate the potential pitfalls with care, ensuring that the twist enhances the narrative rather than diminishing the reader's investment. As literature continues to evolve, the dream plot twist remains a potent and enigmatic element, weaving its ethereal magic through the fabric of storytelling.

9 months ago

When A Character Is in a state of panic they…

breathe rapidly and shallowly.

feel their heart pounding in their chest.

have trouble forming coherent thoughts.

sweat profusely even in cool environments.

tremble or shake uncontrollably.

feel a tightness in their chest or throat.

dart their eyes around frantically.

speak in a hurried and disjointed manner.

feel an overwhelming sense of dread.

have a strong urge to escape or hide.

experience a sense of detachment or unreality.

struggle to make rational decisions.

9 months ago

other words to describe your characters instead of _____

"CONFUSED"

HIGH bewildered, baffled, perplexed, disoriented, stunned, amazed, astonished, flabbergasted MODERATE doubtful, puzzled, surprised, perplexed, befuddled, distracted, disorganized LOW misled, undecided, uncertain, lost, dazed, unsure, indecisive

"WEAK"

HIGH ashamed, exhausted, powerless, anemic, decrepit, frail, useless, depleted MODERATE vulnerable, inept, inadequate, worn out, helpless, spent, run down, sluggish, fragile LOW tired, weary, limp, soft, feeble, ineffective

"STRONG"

HIGH powerful, potent, fearless, forceful, mighty, emphatically, active, vigorous, unyielding MODERATE confident, tough, robust, brave, sound, daring, hardy, hefty LOW capable, adequate, firm, assured, steady, stable, solid

If these writing notes helped with your poem/story, please tag me. Or leave a link in the replies. I'd love to read them!

more words to use instead other words to use instead even more words to use instead

9 months ago

betrayal and trust prompts

“i never thought you’d be the one to betray me.”

“after everything we’ve been through, this is how it ends?”

“i told you my deepest secrets, and this is how you repay me?”

“you’ve broken my trust, and I don’t know if I can ever forgive you.”

“i thought you were different, but you’re just like the rest.”

“i wish i could turn back time and see the truth sooner.”

“i don’t know if I can ever look at you the same way again.”

“you’ve shattered everything we built together.”

“was any of it real, or was it all a lie?”

“you were the last person I expected to hurt me.”

“i trusted you more than anyone else, and you broke that trust.”

“how long were you planning this? how long have you been lying to me?”

“you’ve left me with nothing but questions and a broken heart.”

Loading...
End of content
No more pages to load
  • chaoscontrolled123
    chaoscontrolled123 liked this · 9 years ago
  • the-story-of-erin-lee
    the-story-of-erin-lee reblogged this · 9 years ago
the-story-of-erin-lee - The Story of Erin Lee
The Story of Erin Lee

Read the disclaimer. This is a work in progress, and I will post updates as I get them. Thanks for reading!

52 posts

Explore Tumblr Blog
Search Through Tumblr Tags