Fulgrim

Book 3 scene / iconic quote from "A Thousand Sons"

Bonus under the cut

Only you

I've been seeing a lot of knight posts recently. pretty great

Please tell me your red hilt conspiracy theory. I know very little about the narrative surrounding the sword so I’m curious.

oh my god. okay okay i got into it like a few months ago and that post is so incomprehensible so this time i am going to attempt to not just rant like an insane person.

okay. lets go chronologically through le morte, my main source for this whole thing.

In Book 2 chapter 1, a damsel arrives at court challenging people to draw a sword from a scabbard. They fail and she continues on, meeting Balin on the road, who successfully draws her sword in chapter two, which is summarized thusly:

“Balin, arrayed like a poor knight, pulled out the sword, which afterward was the cause of his death.”

He refuses to return it to the maiden, who warns him that “ye are not wise to keep the sword from me, for ye shall slay with the sword the best friend that ye have, and the man that ye most love in the world, and the sword shall be your destruction.”

Soon, as she predicts, Balin, after doing a whoopsy daisy Dolourous Stroke, kills his brother Balan and is mortally wounded in the same battle. Merlin shows up, buries them both, switches the handle of Balins sword with a red handle, and says:

“there shall never man handle this sword but the best knight of the world, and that shall be Sir Launcelot or else Galahad his son, and Launcelot with this sword shall slay the man that in the world he loved best, that shall be Sir Gawaine“ (book 2 chapter xix)

Then he plunks the sword in a rock and sends it magically floating in the river. Cut to like thirty years later, the rock floats to Camelot, arriving at exactly the same time as Galahad. uh oh galahad!

In the vulgate grail quest, the knights find this rock, and it is first presented to Lancelot, who refuses to attempt to draw the sword. Arthur then asks Gawain, who also initially refuses, but is unable to deny Arthur when he gives him a direct command. Gawain reluctantly attempts to draw the sword and fails, whereupon Lancelot immediately gives him shit for it even though it wasn’t his fault--! he is warned that this will have dire consequences.

whatever. Then, because percival <3 percival tries it, specifically so gawain wont be embarassed at being the only one to fail. i love percival so much. he also fails though. then galahad tries it and succeeds. horay!

(this goes down much the same in le morte, and lancelot says: “My lord Sir Gawaine, said Sir Launcelot, now wit ye well this sword shall touch you so sore that ye shall will ye had never set your hand thereto for the best castle of this realm.” again, not his fault, but go off i guess lancelot)

except not horay. this is where the speculation starts in earnest but:

knights in the grail trio who die on the grail quest: galahad, percival

knights in the grail trio who dont die on the grail quest: bors

knights in the grail trio who touch the red hilted sword: galahad, percival

knights in the grail trio who dont touch it: bors

ya know??????

anyway so galahad dies and the sword gets passed to lancelot, who uses it to eventually deal a fatal blow to gawain, fulfilling both the prophecy of the sword and the doom gawain earned by attempting to draw it.

conclusion: sword bad. should have kept secace instead. fuck the sword with the red hilt all my homies hate the sword with the red hilt

One of my favourite post formats is when someone with a similar URL to op torments them like they are failed clones of each other and it completely changes the tone of the original post.

Come and sit by the fire. Soup will be ready soon.

OH FUCK

… somebody’s getting slapped

I'm gonna do some Uno reversing theorizing here y'all. I think Pyotr was gonna win this match. I also think he's won 98% of these Uno matches. @meo-htp made an in-depth post detailing the vamp's hideout.

Picture courtesy of Meo-htp:

One of the details was how their table has huge dents in it and a big bite out of it. Shitbeard has gnarly marks on his arm, so I think he's the one who made the dents in the table.

And I think Kevin was the one who took a chunk out of the table. He's the only one who has the most pronounced canines out of the four of them.

I originally thought it would be Ape Boy, but his teeth aren't..big enough for a bite like that. He couldve caused it due to his excessive hunger, but the others mentioned him "over feeding" so he shouldn't even be hungry enough to bite the table.

I believe Shitbeard and Kevin got into an intense Uno match and now it was Ape Boy and Pyotr's turn.

Ape is clearly looking at Pyotr waiting for him to make his turn, thinking he's 100% gonna win. He's only got one card left in his hand while Pyotr has three.

Unfortunately for Ape Boy, this is a 2 way game. Meaning all Pyotr has to do is use his skip turn card, use the change colour card to red, then put down his red card. Winning him the Uno game.

It just makes me think about how much stuff Pyotr could plan out and his ability to think ahead when he's calm.

bi people i love you so fucking much

Last Will by Nikolay Kurganov