I'm Reading The Picture Of Dorian Gray And Therefore They Are Reading The Picture Of Dorian Gray

win for the gays!!!!

win for the gays

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Happy Two Days from Halloween! Have some quotes!! (Part 12)

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Jared, to Evan: If Karma doesn't hit you, then I fucking will.

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Alana: If you got arrested.. what would be the charges?

Jared: Theft.

Evan: Disturbing the peace?

Zoe: Aggravated assault.

Miguel: Arson.

Connor: All of the above. In that order, probably.

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Evan: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Zoe: No.

Miguel: I did not

Connor: I think I may have actually forgotten one-

Jared: Also no.

Evan: Oh good, neither did I.

Alana: *Exhausted sigh*

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Jared: I'm the smartest person in my friend group.

Alana: You hang out with Evan, Zoe, Connor, and Miguel.

Alana: It's not as high a compliment as you think.

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Connor: The floor is lava!

Alana: *Helps Zoe onto the counter*

Miguel: *Kicks Evan off of the sofa*

Jared: *Lays on the floor*

Evan: Are you.. are you okay-?

Jared: No.

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Evan: Fine! Judge all you want, but-

Evan, pointing to Zoe, then to himself: Dated a gay person!

Evan, pointing to Jared: Left a man at the altar!

Evan, pointing to Alana: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer!

Evan, pointing to Connor: Threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire!

Evan, pointing at Miguel: And you live in a box!

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Jared: Evs is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Connor: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Zoe: Tackle him!

Miguel: Dump him-

Evan: NO TO ALL OF THOSE! JUST ASK ME TO BEND DOWN!

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*Squad's reaction to being told that their 'the chosen one'*

Alana: I will not let you down.

Zoe: Sounds fun.

Connor: K.

Jared: No, I'm fucking not.

Miguel: Do I HAVE to?...

Evan: Please God, I am so tired.

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Evan: Is the slap mark still visible?

Connor: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.

Zoe: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.

Alana: Gonna be honest... A palm reader could tell the person who did that's future just by looking at your face.

Jared: The phrase 'talk to the hand cuz the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you because the hand IS your face.

Evan:

Evan: Y'know, the word 'yes', isn't hard to say. At all.

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Zoe: DUMBEST SCAR STORIES, GO!

Alana: I.. burned my tongue once drinking tea :(

Connor: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.

Evan: I have a piece of graphite in my leg from the first grade when I accidentally stabbed myself with a pencil.

Miguel: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave, and it spilled on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Jared:

Jared: All my scars are emotional. Mostly because I'm not an idiot.

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Evan: I am not at all proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarette.

Alana: But Evan, we don't smoke. And Connor hasn't for like, two months. Neither has Miguel.

Evan: Cut the crap... I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

Evan: *Points at Connor* One, *Points at Miguel* two, *Points at Jared* three, *points at Zoe* four, *Points at Alana* five.

Evan: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarette in my hand.

Jared: *Sighs*

Jared: *Puts a cigarrette in Evan's hand*

Evan: Thank you. ...Light?

*All simultaneously pull out lighters*

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Alana: Christmas lights?

Evan: Check.

Alana: Thermos of hot cocoa?

Evan: Check.

Alana: Santa suits?

Evan: Check.

Alana: Shovel?

Evan: Check.

Jared: Alibi and bail money?

Evan: Chec-- wAIT WHAT?!

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Evan: Jared kissed me!

Alana: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Evan: It was just- so- unbelievable!

Alana: AAA! OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOSH!

Zoe: Okay, we want to hear everything. Alana, get the wine and unplug the phone. Evan, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Evan: Oh no, it ended very well.

Alana: Do. Not. Start. Without. Me!

Zoe: Alright, now let's hear about that kiss. Was it like, a soft brush up against your lips or was it a, you know.. "I gotta have you now" kinda thing?

Evan: Well, at first it was really intense, y'know? And then.. Oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Zoe: Ohhh... so was he holding you? Or was his hands on your back?

Evan: First they started on my waist in then they slid up and were in my hair.

Alana: Awhh!

Zoe: Ooo~

*Meanwhile*

Jared, eating pizza with Connor at his house: So then we like, kissed. I guess.

Connor: Tongue?

Jared: Yeah.

Connor: Cool.

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Evan: Stressed.

Jared: Depressed.

Connor: Possessed.

Zoe: Obsessed.

Miguel: Impressed.

Alana: Chicken breasts-

Zoe: What the fuck?

Alana: Sorry, I know, I just wanted to join in.

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Zoe: You know, when Evan comes over.. Connor can get a little bit...

Jared: Psycho?

Alana: Scary?

Miguel: Drunk?

Zoe: All three.

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Zoe: Out of Connor, Evan, Jared, me and Miguel, if you had to, who would you punch?

Alana: None of you! Your my friends and I wouldn't punch any of you!

Jared: It would be Evan, wouldn't it?

Alana: ...Okay yes, but I don't know why.

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Jared: Is it just me or is instant ramen better uncooked?

Evan: It's just you.

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Connor: You spent all your money on THIS?!

Miguel, putting tiny raincoats on baby ducks: They live outside. They need this.

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Connor: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed on the souls of the living, I strike fear into-

Zoe: You sleep with a teddybear.

Connor: hE IS THE SECOND IN COMMAND OF MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!

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Jared: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "There are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants so much more advanced than us.

Evan: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:

Evan: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."

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Jared: Kill me nowwwwwwWWWWWWW

Evan: No can do. I need you for help with my homework.

*Insert Jared glaring at him*

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Evan: N.. No!

Jared: A fair rebuttal. However, consider the counterpart:

Jared: Y...yes?????

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Connor: Are you tall enough to play basketball, though?

Jared: Are you calling me short?

Connor: I'm calling you vertically challenged.

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Evan: Tomorrow's garbage day.

Jared: I can't believe they made an entire day just dedicated to you.

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Alana: Hey, aren't you Connor Murphy?

Connor: Are you a cop?

Alana: N..no?

Connor: Then yes.

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Miguel: Life could be worse, Connor.

Connor: Yeah, life could be a lot better too!

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Jared: Ah, ready for another fantastic day of being better than Evan.

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Evan: Are you a masochist or a sadist?

Jared, deadpanning: I'm a Taurus.

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i think its doable

Idk anything about falsettos. Au where they manage and try to save a failing home depot then go into severe credit card debt

Falsettos fandom what do we think of this one here

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As an artist I can confirm that this is indeed the most accurate thing I’ve seen all fucking day.

twinkle twinkle little star

why is art so fuCKING HARD

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you already know it's whizzer even though the fandom still aggressively focuses on the angst

Real or nah???

What the fuck WHAT THE FUCK

it's consuming my brain

So many.. opportunities....

Marvin, coming home from work: What should we order for dinner?

Whizzer, flipping through TV stations: Wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy.

Marvin:

Marvin: don't call me weatherboy

I just pictured Whizzer saying “Wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy” to Marvin and now it’s all I can think about

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Jared & Alana:

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@youraveragemiscellanyenjoyer it has been done

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oh hey same whats up

I care about Jared Kleinman very very much