You Already Know It's Whizzer Even Though The Fandom Still Aggressively Focuses On The Angst

Random Incorrect DEH Quotes I Found While Poking Around (Pt. Two) :

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Evan: The human body is %70 water, so we are basically just all cucumbers with anxiety.

Jared: Excuse you, but with the amount of salt and alcohol that I consume daily, I think it's more accurate to say that i'm an anxiety pickle.

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Evan: You often use humour to deflect trauma.

Jared: Thank you!

Evan: I- never said that was a good thing..

Jared: What i'm hearing is that you think i'm funny.

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Jared: I've met a lot of pricks in my life, but you, Evan, are a fucking cactus.

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Jared: I will FIGHT the next person to insult Connor.

Connor: Bitch why, i'm a piece of shit

Jared: ALRIGHT SQUARE UP YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD-

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Connor, walking in: Sorry I was late, I was doing... stuff.

Jared, slamming open the door and looking noticeably disheveled: HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING S T A I R S-

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Jared: 4/20 is in 14 days, and I want you all to know that I will not tolerate any weed jokes. Not on my good, christian blog.

Connor: But your Jewish-

Jared: Not when it comes to the devil's lettuce, you heathen stoner fuck-

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Death: I've come to kill you.

Evan: Let me ask Jared.

Death: It isn't a choi-

Evan: He said no.

honestly, I can’t tell if this is accurate at all anymore, it’s- it’s been in the works for days uhh

but anyhow!! very late falsettos day post :)

I'm giggling at the "serving cunt" text on Marvin's

Pinterest gets it

UGH FR

I think my shuffle did Something Bad is Happening/More Racquetball and then... then fuckin' Love Thy Neighbour?

i find it so funny when the shuffle puts shit like feed me or whizzer going down or blue after a really sad song

like

“you, the one i left behind, if you ever walk this way, come and find me lying in the bed i made…FEED ME. DOES IT HAVE TO BE HUMAN?? FEED ME. DOES IT HAVE TO BE MINE???”

or like

“it’s not up to me, just let me be legally blonde…heyyyyyyy ‘ronica *womp womp womp womp*”

Random

Okay so, this is completely random, but when I sum up the Evan & Jared fight in DEH I get this and it hurts me emotionally and physically so:

Jared, pointing to himself: Hey, dickhead! Quit replacing me with Zoe! With the Murphys! With Connor! I’m your fucking friend, not some dead kid you didn’t even know!!

Evan: So now i’m your friend? As soon as it’s convenient for you, I am your friend, but as soon as it isn’t, it’s back to “That fuck-up Evan Hansen?! I barely know him”!!!

Evan: Maybe a dead kid is better than you, because at LEAST he won’t constantly fucking tell me off! Or be an asshat to me! Or deny our friendship every two seconds!

Jared: Fuck you!

Seriously why.

why.

why.

Ugh nobody is in the right here they both have way too many emotional issues

they matched each other’s freak

Happy Two Days from Halloween! Have some quotes!! (Part 12)

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Jared, to Evan: If Karma doesn't hit you, then I fucking will.

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Alana: If you got arrested.. what would be the charges?

Jared: Theft.

Evan: Disturbing the peace?

Zoe: Aggravated assault.

Miguel: Arson.

Connor: All of the above. In that order, probably.

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Evan: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Zoe: No.

Miguel: I did not

Connor: I think I may have actually forgotten one-

Jared: Also no.

Evan: Oh good, neither did I.

Alana: *Exhausted sigh*

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Jared: I'm the smartest person in my friend group.

Alana: You hang out with Evan, Zoe, Connor, and Miguel.

Alana: It's not as high a compliment as you think.

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Connor: The floor is lava!

Alana: *Helps Zoe onto the counter*

Miguel: *Kicks Evan off of the sofa*

Jared: *Lays on the floor*

Evan: Are you.. are you okay-?

Jared: No.

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Evan: Fine! Judge all you want, but-

Evan, pointing to Zoe, then to himself: Dated a gay person!

Evan, pointing to Jared: Left a man at the altar!

Evan, pointing to Alana: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer!

Evan, pointing to Connor: Threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire!

Evan, pointing at Miguel: And you live in a box!

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Jared: Evs is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Connor: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Zoe: Tackle him!

Miguel: Dump him-

Evan: NO TO ALL OF THOSE! JUST ASK ME TO BEND DOWN!

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*Squad's reaction to being told that their 'the chosen one'*

Alana: I will not let you down.

Zoe: Sounds fun.

Connor: K.

Jared: No, I'm fucking not.

Miguel: Do I HAVE to?...

Evan: Please God, I am so tired.

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Evan: Is the slap mark still visible?

Connor: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.

Zoe: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.

Alana: Gonna be honest... A palm reader could tell the person who did that's future just by looking at your face.

Jared: The phrase 'talk to the hand cuz the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you because the hand IS your face.

Evan:

Evan: Y'know, the word 'yes', isn't hard to say. At all.

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Zoe: DUMBEST SCAR STORIES, GO!

Alana: I.. burned my tongue once drinking tea :(

Connor: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.

Evan: I have a piece of graphite in my leg from the first grade when I accidentally stabbed myself with a pencil.

Miguel: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave, and it spilled on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Jared:

Jared: All my scars are emotional. Mostly because I'm not an idiot.

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Evan: I am not at all proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarette.

Alana: But Evan, we don't smoke. And Connor hasn't for like, two months. Neither has Miguel.

Evan: Cut the crap... I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

Evan: *Points at Connor* One, *Points at Miguel* two, *Points at Jared* three, *points at Zoe* four, *Points at Alana* five.

Evan: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarette in my hand.

Jared: *Sighs*

Jared: *Puts a cigarrette in Evan's hand*

Evan: Thank you. ...Light?

*All simultaneously pull out lighters*

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Alana: Christmas lights?

Evan: Check.

Alana: Thermos of hot cocoa?

Evan: Check.

Alana: Santa suits?

Evan: Check.

Alana: Shovel?

Evan: Check.

Jared: Alibi and bail money?

Evan: Chec-- wAIT WHAT?!

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Evan: Jared kissed me!

Alana: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Evan: It was just- so- unbelievable!

Alana: AAA! OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOSH!

Zoe: Okay, we want to hear everything. Alana, get the wine and unplug the phone. Evan, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Evan: Oh no, it ended very well.

Alana: Do. Not. Start. Without. Me!

Zoe: Alright, now let's hear about that kiss. Was it like, a soft brush up against your lips or was it a, you know.. "I gotta have you now" kinda thing?

Evan: Well, at first it was really intense, y'know? And then.. Oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Zoe: Ohhh... so was he holding you? Or was his hands on your back?

Evan: First they started on my waist in then they slid up and were in my hair.

Alana: Awhh!

Zoe: Ooo~

*Meanwhile*

Jared, eating pizza with Connor at his house: So then we like, kissed. I guess.

Connor: Tongue?

Jared: Yeah.

Connor: Cool.

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Evan: Stressed.

Jared: Depressed.

Connor: Possessed.

Zoe: Obsessed.

Miguel: Impressed.

Alana: Chicken breasts-

Zoe: What the fuck?

Alana: Sorry, I know, I just wanted to join in.

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Zoe: You know, when Evan comes over.. Connor can get a little bit...

Jared: Psycho?

Alana: Scary?

Miguel: Drunk?

Zoe: All three.

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Zoe: Out of Connor, Evan, Jared, me and Miguel, if you had to, who would you punch?

Alana: None of you! Your my friends and I wouldn't punch any of you!

Jared: It would be Evan, wouldn't it?

Alana: ...Okay yes, but I don't know why.

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Jared: Is it just me or is instant ramen better uncooked?

Evan: It's just you.

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Connor: You spent all your money on THIS?!

Miguel, putting tiny raincoats on baby ducks: They live outside. They need this.

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Connor: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed on the souls of the living, I strike fear into-

Zoe: You sleep with a teddybear.

Connor: hE IS THE SECOND IN COMMAND OF MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!

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Jared: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "There are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants so much more advanced than us.

Evan: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:

Evan: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."

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Jared: Kill me nowwwwwwWWWWWWW

Evan: No can do. I need you for help with my homework.

*Insert Jared glaring at him*

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Evan: N.. No!

Jared: A fair rebuttal. However, consider the counterpart:

Jared: Y...yes?????

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Connor: Are you tall enough to play basketball, though?

Jared: Are you calling me short?

Connor: I'm calling you vertically challenged.

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Evan: Tomorrow's garbage day.

Jared: I can't believe they made an entire day just dedicated to you.

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Alana: Hey, aren't you Connor Murphy?

Connor: Are you a cop?

Alana: N..no?

Connor: Then yes.

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Miguel: Life could be worse, Connor.

Connor: Yeah, life could be a lot better too!

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Jared: Ah, ready for another fantastic day of being better than Evan.

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Evan: Are you a masochist or a sadist?

Jared, deadpanning: I'm a Taurus.

YES.

YES IT IS.

WHO- WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND EVEN??

Why do falsettos fanfics always give Whizzer a different birth name? Like is it that hard to believe his parents looked at him when he was a baby and went “That boy is a Whizzer.”?

I'm saying it,

Christian and Andrew are probably fine, but if you’re really worried they’re fighting,

Where was this when they saw most of the shows of the rest of the Falsettos cast members but not each other’s. What about when they were both at the Water 4 Elephant premiere and had no pictures? Were people harassing Andrew and Stephanie for not being like Anthony and Tracie and posting congrats for Christian, Betsy, and Brandon on their Tony nominations like people do when birthdays aren’t posted?

no cause people, especially Christian, don’t live on social media.

It’s not that deep, really, guys. Either he got a friend to play a role he cared about or not, but Broadway is small enough that no matter who they cast, it could have been traced back to Andrew.

While I was hoping for Christian to be Herbie, someone had to fill this role. This was falsetto fans who already bought tickets are still happy.

But if Chrisitan and Andrew did have a falling out, it's not recent.

Most likely, they're fine, and if it's a one-off pain, I'm sure they'll talk.

I pretend I do not hear

@weirdo-with-a-potato we've officially subjected ourselves to neverending catgirl hell

P.S.

christian borle I am so fucking sorry oh my god why did I spend so many hours on this PLEASE FORGIVE ME