Jdjdjsjsjej Is All I Feel Right Now

Jdjdjsjsjej is all I feel right now

I wanna show you off

pairing — idol!jeongin x f!reader (From the Unveiling Love series!)

word count — 5k

warnings — she/her reader, argument, hurt/comfort, exes (?) 2 lovers, jeongin is kinda toxic in a way but only slightly, suggestive themes (making out), reader is drunk, mentions of alcohol and night clubs, unwanted advances towards reader (not from jeongin)

summary — you and jeongin broke up after many arguments about how secret your relationship was. when you find yourself alone and uncomfortable at a club, jeongin comes to your rescue.

Inside the dance practice room, the tension between you and Jeongin was palpable. The air crackled with unspoken words, each movement echoing the silent storm brewing between you.

Jeongin's frustration boiled over, his voice piercing through the air like a knife. "Why do you always have to push me like this?!" he screamed, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

You shot back, your own voice rising to match his intensity. "I'm tired of pretending like we're just friends when we're not! I want us to be open about us, about what we have!"

His eyes flashed with anger as he stepped closer, his breath hot against your face. "You know why we can't do that! My career, my image, everything will be ruined if they find out about us!"

"I'm not asking you to shout it to the world or to all your fans, Jeongin! But can't you at least acknowledge us when we're with close friends? You won't even let me meet your own members," you pleaded, your voice tinged with hurt and frustration.

Jeongin's jaw clenched, his eyes flashing with defiance. "You know it's not that simple. Our group's dynamic—it's delicate."

"Well, what about me? What about how I feel?" you countered, feeling the tears prickle at the corners of your eyes. "I'm tired of knowing I'm not good enough to be shown off!"

Tears streamed down your cheeks, your heart aching. As he paced back and forth, his frustration palpable in the air.

When he finally spoke, his voice was still thick with anger, his words cutting through the air like shards of glass. "We can't do this anymore," he said, his tone final and resolute.

Your heart sank like a stone as his words echoed in the empty room. "What do you mean?" you whispered, your voice trembling with disbelief.

"Us. We're not meant to be together, not like this."

The pain in his words was like a physical blow, knocking the breath from your lungs as you struggled to comprehend what he was saying. "But… but I love you," you choked out, the words tasting bitter on your tongue.

He shook his head, "I'm sorry."

And with those final words, he turned and walked away, leaving you alone in the empty room, your heart shattered into a million irreparable pieces.

Jeongin knew he was going to finish work late that day. He was filming a music video which was specifically designed for a nighttime setting, which explained the extended working hours. As the filming progressed, each frame meticulously captured, Jeongin's anticipation grew for work to be over. When the time arrived, he eagerly checked his phone, expecting a text from you. However, to no surprise, he was still left with nothing. A furrow formed on his brow as frustration settled in.

He knew he shouldn't be doing this, yet he found himself yearning for your touch, your presence. After all, he had been the one to break things off, and it seemed unreasonable to expect you to reach out. He could still replay each word you said that night. All he wanted now was to hold you close, to reassure you that you were more than enough, that all he ever wanted to do was to protect you.

In the quiet moments of the night, he found himself grappling with the truth he had been avoiding: that despite his attempts to move on, he still loved you, still needed you in ways he couldn't admit even to himself.

He discreetly went to check your location, like he was committing a crime. To his surprise, he learned that you were currently at Hallyu, the most prestigious club in Gangnam favored by the wealthy, including his idol friends. Everyone knew that Hallyu held a reputation for discreet happenings, scandals, unspoken to the public. Whatever happens in Hallyu stays in Hallyu — or within the idols in general.

Going to Hallyu was a good way to unwind after a demanding comeback and promotional activities. Hallyu gets the busiest during the yearly break that most idols get, a time when companies are occupied with contract negotiations. This break becomes crucial for idols to rest, leaving the workload in the hands of their management departments.

What's interesting is that fans haven't realized that these are the only few weeks in the year with fewer comebacks, since everyone is on break. This trend usually happens around spring. During this time, new songs only come from smaller groups who are trying get noticed in the industry and earn revenue.

Jeongin ran a hand through his damp hair, his brows knit in concern. The unusual sight of you at Hallyu without him triggered a sense of worry. You had never ventured there without his company, and considering the strict entry policies, it puzzled him. The bouncers typically ensured you entered only in the presence of someone who was at least a little famous.

His mind raced through various scenarios—was there someone else with you? Perhaps an idol, an actor, or an obnoxiously rich man? He thought about it for a while. Surely you weren’t that poor yourself. Your family was fairly wealthy and your well-paying job provided a comfortable life for you. Yet, the thought of you gaining entry to Hallyu alone or with your everyday college friends seemed highly unlikely, as the club prioritized popularity over financial status. Lost in thought, Jeongin dedicated a considerable minute to pondering these perplexities, his gaze fixed on his phone screen.

"Jeongin," Hyunjin's voice called, pulling him from his contemplation. "You alright? You seem upset."

"No, um," he cleared his throat, still fixated on your icon on his phone screen. "I'm fine, just, um," he stammered. "Wanna go to Hallyu?" The question slipped out suddenly, and he shifted his gaze towards Hyunjin.

Hyunjin's eyes widened with a big smile, and Jeongin couldn't help but know exactly why he was so happy. Hyunjin had been begging for someone to join him at Hallyu. He’s always been quite a party animal. "Yes," he responded almost immediately. "Our hair already looks nice, and we're wearing…" Hyunjin eyed both of them, still clad in outfits from the music video shoot, not the most suitable attire for the club. "I'm sure we can find something hanging on the racks."

And indeed, Hyunjin was right. The stylist had left a few options for them. Jeongin, wanting to make a good impression, chose a clean white dress shirt that was unbuttoned down his chest. His hair had been professionally styled by the staff a few hours earlier, giving it a polished look. Jeongin couldn't help but notice your love for his growing-out hair—your tendency to run your fingers through it while cuddling and the smiles you had on your face when you made makeshift ponytails with his hair.

As he looked at himself in the mirror, a content smile crossed Jeongin's face. These efforts extended beyond just preparing for the club; they were a subtle declaration of his affection for you. Each choice, from the outfit to the hairstyle, was a deliberate attempt to present himself in a way that he knew would resonate with your taste and bring a smile to your face.

Hyunjin was prepared and looked exceptionally beautiful, as always. He carried a sultry vibe to him, enhanced by subtle details like the extra red on his lips and the fifty pounds of exquisite jewelry he made sure to put on.

As they prepared to head towards the car, Seungmin walked up from behind them, curiosity etched on his face. "Where are you two going?" he inquired. "The club," Hyunjin replied. "Alright, I'm coming with you," Seungmin decided. Jeongin gave a nod and a smile, patting Seungmin's shoulder gently before proceeding into the car. He also took charge of steering them to their destination.

"So Jeongin," Hyunjin questioned and leaned forward to the passenger seat where Jeongin was sitting. "Why the sudden change? You've always turned down the club."

Jeongin, with a casual shrug, replied, "Oh, I just haven't gone out in a while, you know? Figured tonight's the night."

Hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows, detecting a hint of something unusual in Jeongin's tone. His suspicion grew, and his lips formed a pout. "Something's off," he thought.

Brushing off his concerns for the moment, Hyunjin turned to Seungmin. "And what about you? Why the sudden interest in going out tonight?" he asked.

Seungmin smirked and looked at the rear-view mirror. "Well, Jeongin's going, so why not join in the fun?"

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at Seungmin's response, fake offense crossing his features. "So, what you're saying is you only wanted to go because Jeongin's going? I see how it is. Making me feel a bit left out, are we?" he quipped.

Seungmin chuckled. "Well, you know, Jeongin's got that charm."

"I'm offended, but y'know Jeongin asked me first." Hyunjin teased.

"Oh, by the way, wanna know something funny?" Seungmin suddenly mentioned, a mischievous glint in his eyes. With a sly grin, he began, "So, last weekend, I went to another club with this girl. Worst decision ever. The club itself was a disaster and she was just too much, you know?"

Hyunjin, intrigued, leaned towards Seungmin. "Who was it?" he urged.

Seungmin, with a smirk, teased, "That part, I can't tell you. Gotta keep my mouth shut."

Hyunjin persisted, "Oh, come on, give us a hint."

The mischievous look in Seungmin eyes intensified, and he simply replied, "Let's just say, she does music."

Hyunjin's eyes widened in excitement. "No way! An idol? Who could be so bad that she overwhelmed you?" he exclaimed, almost jumping in his seat.

Seungmin, nonchalant, rolled his eyes. "Believe me, it's a mystery."

Hyunjin's excitement reached new heights. "Come on, Minnie! You can't drop a bomb like that and not spill the details. Is she a rookie? Gosh, Kim Seungmin please don't be hanging around children."

Seungmin gasped dramatically, "What no! She's in a group that's been around for a while. But that's it, no more hints!"

Hyunjin, unable to contain his curiosity, leaned forward as if on the verge of revealing his suspicions. "Wait a minute… is it—" He caught himself just in time, the name hovering on the tip of his tongue. A sudden look of realization crossed his face, and he quickly retracted his statement. "Never mind, forget I said anything. I don't want to get into trouble."

Seungmin, smirking at Hyunjin's near revelation, teased, "Careful, Hyunjin." Hyunjin, grinning sheepishly, nodded in agreement.

Jeongin's noticeable silence lingered in the car, prompting Seungmin's concern. "You okay?" he asked, to which Jeongin offered a nod. Meanwhile, Hyunjin had a mischievous smirk on his face.

"So, Jeongin, how's it going with your girl?" Hyunjin probed, and Jeongin shot him a bemused look.

"We're good," Jeongin replied, refusing to tell them that you two had broken up.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes theatrically. "Come on, give us the juicy details. Ever since you two became official, you're acting like it's this huge secret. What's the deal?"

Jeongin, maintaining his composed demeanor, stated, "I don't feel the need to share my love life with everyone." Hyunjin responded with an audible groan as he heard this.

"No one's fun anymore," Hyunjin lamented. "Remember the good old days when you would gush about her. We'd get sick of hearing about your big fat crush on her. Now it's all hush-hush. Boring." He sighed as Seungmin pulled into the vast parking lot of the club.

Seungmin maneuvered the car into a spot, bringing it to a halt. The trio exited the car, and he swiftly locked it, the subtle click echoing in the night. They made their way towards the club entrance, where a formidable bouncer stood guard.

Recognizing the members, the bouncer nodded, allowing them passage. With a nod of gratitude, they entered the vibrant realm of Hallyu.

As soon as they stepped inside, Jeongin excused himself abruptly, leaving Hyunjin and Seungmin exchanging perplexed glances. Over the pounding beats and lively chatter, Hyunjin tried to communicate, "Where do you think he's off to so suddenly?"

Amidst the booming music and pulsating bass, Hyunjin attempted to voice their shared confusion, but Seungmin couldn't hear him. Seungmin strained to hear over the deafening noise, responding with a confused shrug. Hyunjin, realizing the problem, cupped his hands around his mouth and bellowed into Seungmin's ear, "WHERE DO YOU THINK HE'S OFF TO SO SUDDENLY?"

Seungmin, startled from the sudden volume, yelled back, "No idea!" They continued further into the club, navigating the lively crowd while Jeongin ventured off in search of you, his footsteps merging with the rhythmic beats that echoed through the Hallyu atmosphere.

Amidst the pulsating lights and thumping beats, Jeongin navigated through the expansive club, checking every corner except the bar in his quest to find you. The sea of people, familiar faces, and the sheer enormity of the venue made the search challenging.

Navigating through the pulsating crowd, Jeongin unexpectedly collided with Yuna. Her friendly smile greeted him, "Hey, Jeongin."

"Hi, Yuna," Jeongin replied, returning the greeting. Yuna's eyes held a flicker of recognition. "I see you brought your girlfriend here tonight," she remarked, making an assumption Jeongin wasn't prepared for.

Confusion furrowed Jeongin's brow as he eagerly asked, "My girlfriend?"

Yuna insisted, "Yeah, your girlfriend. Why are you so shocked?"

"Because I'm not dating anyone," Jeongin replied.

"Stop lying," Yuna said as she gave him a playful swat across the shoulder.

"Shin Yuna, I'm not, I'm serious," He laughed wholeheartedly.

"Yang Jeongin, I know there's a girl" She stated, giving him the same energy.

Jeongin sighed, accepting his defeat, "Well, did you see her anywhere? I don't know where she is."

Amused, Yuna teased, "How did you lose her?"

Growing more exasperated, Jeongin explained, "Because I didn't bring her here with me. She came without telling me, and I don't even know who she even came with! Just tell me where you saw her."

Rolling her eyes, Yuna quipped, "Jeez, I haven't met her before or seen her tonight, but some of the others pointed her out."

Jeongin face-palmed, frustration evident on his features. "How do people even know about her?"

"Your members are uncontrollable," Yuna chuckled.

Jeongin sighed, seeking more information, "Well, did anyone say where she was?"

"They had drinks with them earlier, so probably one of the bars. Maybe check around?" Yuna suggested, offering a helpful direction amid the chaos of the club.

Concern etched Jeongin's features as he mumbled a quick thanks and continued his search. Determined, he headed toward the bar, hoping to find you amidst the myriad faces in the bustling club.

As Jeongin approached the bar, scanning the crowded area, his heart skipped a beat as he spotted you, plopped on the counter. He could always recognize you from far away by the way your hair fell loose around your shoulders, catching the iridescent lights of the club. He couldn't help but notice the way your tight outfit hugged your curves in all the right places he was so familiar with. Instinctively, he walked up to you and put a gentle hand on your arm out of habit.

Unaware of his identity and startled by the sudden touch, you reacted defensively, swiftly hitting him, mistaking him for a stranger. Jeongin winced but quickly spoke, "Y/N, it's me." Your eyes widened in recognition.

"Jeongin? What are you doing here?" you spoke up, looking around nervously as if checking to see if anyone would notice you two talk to each other.

He arched an eyebrow, his expression turning serious. "I should be asking you the same question. What are you doing here alone?"

Your words came out slurred, and Jeongin's concern deepened as he noticed the unease in your demeanor. "I..." you began, your voice trailing off as tears welled up in your eyes.

Jeongin's heart clenched at the sight of your distress, and he sat down on the bar stool next to yours. "Hey, hey, it's okay," he murmured, his voice soft and soothing. Jeongin's concern deepened as he observed your drunk state. He could see the distress in your eyes and the vulnerability in your words. "Why are you so upset, Y/N?" he asked gently, with worry in his tone.

You hiccupped, the alcohol clearly affecting your composure. "It's just... some of my idol friends, they brought there, but then they left me alone with some guy. They keep doing this. I could never tell them I had a boyfriend, so they keep introducing me to these random men, and it's just... it's a little too much."

Jeongin listened attentively, his jaw clenched in silent anger. He knew how much you used to value your relationship, and the thought of your friends continuously setting you up with strangers without considering your feelings frustrated him.

"You shouldn't have to go through this, Y/N." Jeongin finally spoke.

A tear streamed down your face as you spoke, "And the guy tonight..." you began but a big hiccup interrupted you.

Jeongin's eyes narrowed, his protective instincts kicking in as he listened to your distressed voice. "What happened with him, Y/N? Did he do something to you?" he asked, his voice tense with concern.

You took a shaky breath, trying to compose yourself. "He was just so bad, Jeongin. He kept on touching me and we kissed." You added, "Please don't be mad. I wouldn't take advantage of our breakup like that. I tried to stop him, but he was so pushy, and I didn't know what to do."

Jeongin's eyes tightened with anger as he heard the details of your distressing encounter. He remained silent for a moment, absorbing the gravity of the situation. Your fear was palpable, and he could feel the urgency in your plea for understanding.

Finally, he spoke, his voice low and steady, "Y/N, what does the guy look like?"

You hesitated, fear evident in your eyes. "I don't want to see him again. I just want to forget about it."

Jeongin's expression softened, understanding the depth of your discomfort. "I need to know so I can make sure you're safe. You don't have to face him again, but I need to know who he is."

You reluctantly told him the name of the guy and provided enough visual details for Jeongin to identify him if necessary. As you spoke, Jeongin's jaw clenched, his protective instincts kicking in even more.

After you finished explaining, Jeongin stayed silent for a moment before finally saying, "Y/N, I'll never be mad at you for this. I'm furious at that guy for treating you like that. No one should ever make you feel unsafe."

You nodded, grateful for his understanding. "I just really want a hug right now," you admitted, your voice trembling.

Jeongin's eyes softened, and without a moment's hesitation, he pulled you into a tight embrace. It wasn't the response you were expecting. You had wanted him to suggest something like "Wanna leave? We can take a cab back to your house and I'll stay for the night." and hug you when you got home. Instead, Jeongin, sensing the urgency of the moment, chose to offer comfort right there and then.

As he held you close, the chaotic surroundings of the club seemed to fade away. Jeongin's arms provided a shield, and the steady beat of his heart against your ear drowned out the noise. It was an unexpected moment of tenderness amidst the chaos, a silent reassurance that you weren't alone.

"Jeongin, everyone's going to see," you whispered anxiously, your voice shaking with fear. The overwhelming noise of the club seemed to amplify your vulnerability.

Jeongin continued to hold you close, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. "Shh, we're okay," he whispered softly, his words a gentle lullaby to your escalating anxiety. Without breaking the embrace, he pulled back slightly to look into your eyes. "You said you two kissed?" Jeongin questioned.

"He kissed me," you corrected, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jeongin's expression tightened with controlled anger, but before he could say anything, you felt his gentle touch on your face. His thumb brushed away a stray tear, and his eyes locked onto yours. "Where?" he asked, his tone soft but demanding answers.

"On the lips," you replied, your voice trembling. You could see the anger flicker in Jeongin's eyes, but there was something else too—something tender.

Without saying a word, Jeongin leaned in, his hands resting on your waist. As Jeongin's lips met yours, the fear and anxiety began to melt away. It was a kiss that held reassurance, a silent promise that you were fully his.

As the kiss lingered, you couldn't help but marvel at the fact that Jeongin was openly expressing affection in public, something he had never done before. It struck you that he was okay with showing you off to other people at that moment.

However, as Jeongin pulled away, you sensed a sudden shift in the atmosphere. He avoided eye contact, his gaze fixed on some distant point. A knot of worry formed in your stomach. It felt as if he were already regretting it.

"Jeongin, look at me," you urged, your voice filled with concern. But he continued to avoid your gaze, and the worry intensified. "Jeongin," you repeated, trying to catch his eye, but he remained unresponsive.

In a moment of desperation, you gently lifted his chin, forcing him to meet your eyes. What you saw took you aback – tears glistened in Jeongin's eyes. This sight, combined with his refusal to make eye contact, sent a surge of anxiety through you.

"Jeongin, what's wrong?" you asked, your voice trembling. Without hesitation, you reached up to wipe away the tears that trailed down his cheeks. He didn't resist, but his silence and tears spoke volumes.

His emotions seemed overwhelming, and you knew Jeongin was not one to cry in front of so many people. It left you deeply concerned. Looking around, you noticed the crowded nature of the club and realized it wasn't the right place for such a vulnerable moment.

You stood up, gesturing for Jeongin to follow you to a quieter area. The unspoken understanding passed between you as he rose, and you both navigated through the pulsating crowd to find a more secluded spot where you could unravel the emotions that had surfaced.

Finding a small corner away from the pulsating beats and prying eyes, you gestured for Jeongin to sit with you. As you both settled into a more private space, you could feel the weight of the unspoken emotions hanging in the air.

"Jeongin, please tell me what's going on," you pleaded, your worry etched across your face.

He took a deep breath, his shoulders trembling slightly, and finally met your gaze. The pain in his eyes struck you, and you realized that whatever had triggered this emotional response went beyond the events of the night.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," he whispered, his voice catching in his throat. "I didn't mean to... I just..." He struggled to find the right words.

Concern deepening, you gently cupped his face, wiping away the remnants of tears. "Jeongin, you can tell me anything."

Jeongin took a deep breath, his eyes reflecting a mixture of regret and pain. "Y/N, I thought keeping our relationship a secret would protect you from any trouble. But I see now that it only did you worse."

As he spoke, his voice carried the weight of realization, and you listened attentively, still holding his face in your hands.

"The reason you got harassed tonight was all because of me," Jeongin continued, his words laced with self-blame. "I was too afraid to let people know about us, and it got you stuck in situations like this."

Your heart ached for Jeongin's internal struggle, but you could also sense the sincerity in his words. "Jeongin, it's not your fault. I'll never blame you for what happened tonight. Those people were out of line, and it had nothing to do with us keeping our relationship private."

He nodded, appreciating your understanding but still burdened by guilt. "I should have let you tell your friends about us. Then, they would've never tried to set you up with guys like that."

You took a deep breath, your thumb gently caressing his cheek. "Jeongin, it's not your fault. What happened tonight, it could have easily happened anytime. It has nothing to do with you."

Jeongin's shoulders slumped, the weight of his guilt evident in his posture. "I just… I didn't know how to be a good boyfriend. I was scared, so I just broke it off like that." he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your heart broke at his words, and you reached out to take his hand in yours, offering what little comfort you could. "Jeongin, you are a good boyfriend," you reassured him, your voice firm with conviction. "You were always there for me. When you were keeping our relationship private, your heart was in the right place since you just wanted to protect me."

He shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes once again. "But it hurt you to have to deal with that," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

You felt a pang in your chest at his words, "It did at times," you admitted softly. "But what hurt the most was when you broke up with me, Jeongin. I didn't want us to end like that."

Jeongin's gaze softened, his heart aching at the pain he had caused you. "I'm so sorry, Y/N," he whispered, his voice filled with regret. "I never wanted to hurt you. I just... I didn't know how to handle everything, and I thought it was for the best." He paused for a moment, "Can we just forget it all happened?"

You looked at Jeongin, "What do you mean?" you asked softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jeongin sighed, his gaze dropping to the ground as he struggled to find the right words. "I hate the thought of us breaking up. I hate that word. I don't even want to call it a breakup," he admitted, his voice tinged with uncertainty. "I just... I want to call it... our time to learn from each other."

"Does this mean you want us to get back together?" you asked, your voice laced with cautious optimism.

Jeongin nodded, his eyes meeting yours. "Yes, Y/N," he replied, his voice filled with determination. "I want us to give our relationship another chance. But I don't want us to dwell on this past week like it was some tragedy. I want us to focus on moving forward together, stronger and more committed than ever before."

You smiled softly at Jeongin's words, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "I want that too, Jeongin," you admitted, your voice filled with sincerity.

"I wanna show you off." He admitted.

"We can take it slow." you reassured.

"No, really," he confirmed, his tone serious. "In fact, if it weren't for running into Yuna earlier and her knowing you as girlfriend, I might never have found you this easily."

Your eyes widened in surprise at his revelation, a soft laugh escaping your lips. "Yuna knew me?" you exclaimed, unable to hide your astonishment.

Jeongin nodded, a chuckle escaping his lips. "Yeah, she did," he confirmed, his eyes shining with amusement. "And thanks to her, I was able to find you and have this conversation with you."

You couldn't help but chuckle at Jeongin's admission, finding his reaction endearing. "Well, I guess we owe Yuna a thank you then," you remarked, a playful glint in your eyes.

Jeongin grinned, nodding in agreement. "Definitely," he replied, his gaze softening as he looked at you. "But you know, I want people to know about you. I want the world to know how much you mean to me."

A soft smile tugged at your lips, touched by his sentiment. "Well, you realize you did kiss me at the bar in front of everyone," you teased gently, a playful glint in your eyes.

Jeongin's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he realized his slip-up. "Oh right," he muttered sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess I forgot that there were people around us."

You chuckled softly, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on his arm. "I guess you must've accidentally shut them out."

A tender smile spread across Jeongin's face, his eyes shining with affection. "Yeah, I was probably to focused," he admitted, his voice filled with warmth. "That's what happens when you're in love."

Your heart swelled with warmth at Jeongin's words, feeling the sincerity behind them. As you smiled, Jeongin's expression softened even more, his gaze lingering on your lips. Without a word, he leaned in, closing the distance between you. The world around him seemed to fade away once again as your lips met in a tender kiss.

Wrapping your arms around him, you pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Sensing your desire, Jeongin responded eagerly, his arms encircling you as he lifted you effortlessly. You found yourself straddling him, your bodies pressed together as the kiss grew more passionate, more urgent.

He pulled away slightly, his lips lingering dangerously close to yours. In the hushed space between you, he whispered those three words, "I love you," his breath warm against your skin.

"I love you t-", Before you could respond, before you could utter those same words that had been waiting on the tip of your tongue, he silenced you by shoving his tongue into your opened mouth.

You eagerly welcomed him, losing yourself in the heat of the moment. There was an urgency, a hunger in the way he kissed you, as if he couldn't get enough of you, as if he wanted to consume you entirely.

As the two of you were lost in the intensity of your make out sesh, a voice suddenly shattered the passionate haze. "Yang Jeongin!" The voice was loud and unmistakable, causing both of you to pull apart, breathless and startled.

Turning towards the source of the interruption, you were met with the sight of Hyunjin, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open in disbelief.

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sullyspuppym

1 year ago

✨pretty cat✨

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sullyspuppym

1 year ago

I need a Hanji in my life 😭😭

your heart and my anchor - han jisung

love collection

genre: hurt? comfort?

pairing: fem!reader (infp) x idol!han jisung (intp)

warnings: descriptions of anxiety and of a panic attack

wc +2.6

notes: if this looks familiar, my secondary blog 'zerothreetwentyfive ' was deleted by tumblr (idk why) so i'm republishing everything here on my main blog. requested by @pcchacoseung

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:

sometimes, you wonder why you decided to work and be a university student at the same time, that is until you remember the money that goes into tuition fees and the fact that you needed to move out in order to attend school. you're privileged enough that your parents are able to help pay your tuition whilst you pay for your rent and the other necessities you need to live in the city but that doesn't lessen the amount of stress that plagues you on and off again throughout the semesters. especially at the end of the year when exams are creeping up on you, figuring out how to move your schedule around to accommodate studying, working and finding the time to take a breather and relax; the latter option is usually dropped from the equation.

when you aren't on campus or at work, you've locked yourself up in your room. sitting behind your desk and stuck to your laptop, your textbooks and notebooks sprawled and spread over the surface, multiple pens around the area. sometimes you lose all sense of time when you're so hyper-focused on the task at hand that you only get a couple hours of sleep before you rush to get ready for work. you're done work when the sun goes down and once you get home you're back behind your desk, working till the sun comes up. the routine only repeats whether you like it or not.

jisung has been pretty busy as well. behind-the-scenes work with writing, producing and directing songs that may or may not end up on the next album, attending schedules and practicing day in and day out. it's been a while since you've been able to see each other, the both of you exchanging a few texts here and there.

j.one<3: i miss you baby i wrote some lyrics today thinking about you

you: i miss you too :,) a lot, a lot a lot

j.one<3: how have you been love? school and all?

you: it's been good

whenever he asked how you were doing, you'd always tell him that things were going fine, that it's okay, that you've got everything under control; acting like everything is a hundred and ten percent fine and dandy and you aren't on the verge of a breakdown every couple of hours. you didn't want him to worry about you. you didn't want to add to jisung's own current struggles, not wanting to burden him with your own.

j.one<3: hmm ok love you know i'm here right whenever you need me

you: of course and i love you for that

j.one<3: i love you more you got this, i believe in you baby

after your short text conversations, you'd turn on 'do not disturb' mode and a little message would pop up on jisung's side that you've switched it on.

j's one and only has their notifications silenced

a little signal for both you and him to get back to work.

…

j.one<;3: hey love i'm gonna be in the studio all day working you wanna come by and do your work here too?

and that's how you ended up sitting on the couch inside the studio. your laptop rests on your thighs, two browser windows opened up alongside each other on the screen with a notebook and pen sitting next to you. across the room, jisung sits at the recording desk in front of the computer with the program opened up on the screen, a headset over his ears and a notebook sitting in front of him, twiddling a pencil between his fingers.

although, the longer you're seated inside the studio, with your laptop displaying your calendar on one side and schedule on the other; showing off tasks that need to be finished today whilst the other side shows off the tasks and events coming up in the week.

the more you're convinced that you're going to have a mental breakdown with each passing minute.

you thought that maybe, just maybe, being in the same room as jisung would help as motivation, as comfort. having your person in the same room might hold you back from taking cover inside a hole, alone, curled up into a ball and ignoring the stresses life's currently throwing at you.

but instead, as the time passes you feel deep envy growing for your boyfriend who is seated at the recording desk. you find yourself envying the way jisung is twirling his pencil, bopping his head to whatever track is playing through the headset and the way he is able to—unlike you—focus on the tasks at hand.

how were you supposed to focus on anything when your mind continues to relentlessly remind you of all the work that needs to be done today? that you'll wake up tomorrow, only to repeat the process of slaving to get the work done.

how could you even try to focus when that tightening sensation in your chest, the one that restricts your airflow, only gets worse as the time passes?

you couldn't—you can't and you hate it.

you absolutely hate how you feel right now.

how you're mentally and emotionally trying to calm yourself down. trying to talk yourself back onto the ground and out of your frantic mind to breathe.

your heart's racing, the pulse only picks up as the time passes. it beats so loudly you can't seem to hear anything other than your own heartbeat, your hearing completely zeroed in on it.

your chest not only feels heavy but it starts to hurt, a throbbing sensation begins to come and go. it's like there is someone sitting on your chest and no matter how hard you try to get them off, you just can't. the harder you struggle, the more you feel suffocated, as if the air inside this vast recording studio only occupied by you and jisung is being sucked out, the walls closing in on you.

that painful feeling of your breath caught in your throat only leads to your heart rate picking up double time, your body feels restless while your mind repeats the same shit over and over again. the angel on one shoulder tries to calm you down, telling you to take a breather, take a break but the devil on the other only talks over her. overpowering her completely, as she reminds you that you aren't deserving of a break or a breather right now; seeing as you haven't completed any significant amount of work since entering the studio.

unbeknownst to you, your body trembles as your hands come together in front of you, fingers fiddling and picking at the skin on the opposite hand.

y/n, you think to yourself, come on, pull on your big girl panties and get on with it.

you're distracted trying to calm yourself down.

trying to bring yourself back down to earth instead of currently being inside your own head, you feel like you've lost any semblance of control you once had. god, you hate this feeling, you absolutely loathe how your heart quickly palpitates beneath your heavy chest, gradually getting dizzy as your restlessness only builds. however, no matter how anxious you feel, your body is nailed to the couch—you're frozen and unable to will yourself to get up on your feet.

it's like everything around you is speeding up and leaving you behind. they're leaving you behind in a state where your self-control slips away and causes your fear to grow tenfold.

you're scared. you're terrified that you won't come down from this— that you don't know how to come down from this, how to regulate everything inside you. the dread slowly sinks in as you slowly convince yourself that you will never be free from this state of overwhelming emotion that consumes you as the minutes pass.

jisung's hands move to adjust the headset, moving one cup away from his ear as the track has finished playing a moment ago. initially, he wanted to note something down in the notebook in front of him but the moment that one cup is off, he completely removes the headset and places it down in front of him on the desk. for a moment, he stills, listening to the room:

the echos of you clicking around on your laptop isn't heard.

this leads jisung to wonder if you've dozed off in the middle of working prompting him to spin around in the rolling chair, only to be met with you sitting on the couch wide awake.

when his brown eyes are laid on your figure, jisung's heart drops at the sight; you gnawing at your bottom lip, your chest trembling as it heaves, your whole face is flushed and your eyes are the slightest bit blown.

jisung immediately knows what's going on, he knows it all too well.

your boyfriend rushes to his feet and towards you, shutting your laptop and moving it on the couch beside you. slowly, jisung is kneeling in front of you as he gently encapsulates your hands in his.

he can feel the way your body trembles beneath his touch.

"y/n, baby, my love," jisung calls for you softly, his chocolate brown eyes sparkle as they gaze up at you, "you're okay, you're safe."

his eyes scan over your face, watching as your own slowly meet his. there's a dullness to your eyes, a sense of apprehension laced in your features as your thoughts plague your body and mind.

"hey, love," he smiles and lightly caresses your hands with the pad of his thumbs, "just keep your eyes on me, i'm here. i'm not going anywhere, okay? just focus on my voice, love."

you fight your own body to regain control, to regain the strength to regulate your own emotions. you've grit your teeth in an effort to stay focused on your boyfriend's voice.

"hey, hey… you're safe love. i'm gonna move beside you, okay baby?" he moves slowly to sit next to you on the couch, careful not to startle you with any quick or sudden movements.

one of his hands move to your cheek gently caressing you there as well. a feeling of delight washes through his body at the sight of you instinctively leaning into his touch.

"you're okay. i know it feels scary right now but you're going to be okay. you're going to get through this, yeah?"

the hand on your cheek moves to pat your hair down gently. jisung's gentle touch moves around your body as a physical reminder that you aren't alone and that he is here with you.

"just keep focusing on my voice."

jisung continues to look over you, observing your current state and identifying how else he could help.

"i'm proud of you, you know?" he says fondly, "i know things get hard and it's scary sometimes but you always find a way to get through it. you're always doing such an amazing job."

a deep, unstable breath leaves your lips.

"good girl! you're doing great. breathe, breathe with me okay?" he inhales deeply and you attempt to follow him. then he exhales, "...one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten."

your exhales are shaky, your control not totally regained as you're fighting to get yourself out of your own head. but you feel the tension slowly dissipating from your body.

"one more time with me. concentrate on your breathing, okay?" this time jisung shuts his eyes as he inhales, hearing you take in a breath as well, before letting the air out slowly, "one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten..."

jisung notices your previously blown-out eyes have softened, he then decides to move on another strategy to further help you anchor yourself back down into the present.

"that's my girl, i'm so proud of you," he pats your hair once again, "does my y/n need anything right now?"

your voice is incredibly hushed and strained when you squeak out the next two words, "hold me."

jisung scoots even closer to you. adjusting himself so one arm is around your shoulders, wanting to hold you close to him. his other arm moves your head to rest on his chest and he gives you a moment to adjust as he whispers reassurances that you're okay, that you're safe and that he's here.

your ear presses up against his clothing as his hand rests on your jaw, caressing your skin with his palm. the warmth radiating off of jisung's body has your body reacting the way it usually does, melting into him as a wave of comfort washes over you. another deep breath leaving your lips, still a bit shaky but an improvement nonetheless.

"what are three things you can hear right now?"

your eyes flutter close as you try your best to tune into your surroundings, trying to identify noises inside the quiet room.

you hum, "your heartbeat… the vent… your breathing."

"how 'bout three things you can smell?"

"your cologne… coffee… brownies."

"now, can you tell me three things you can see?"

your eyes open slowly with blinks as you adjust to the light before you scan around the room.

"recording desk… microphone… computer."

jisung's hand moves to wrap around your wrist, gradually lifting your hand up in the air in front of you both.

"wiggle your fingers for me," your fingers wiggle, "kick your leg up for me," you kick your leg up slowly, "roll your ankle around." you roll your ankle around, "good job my love, i'm so proud."

your arm moves to wrap around jisung's body, pulling yourself closer to him. a breath of relief leaves your lips at the sense of ease that comes with the action, how you're able to grip onto the fabric of his shirt and nuzzle your face further into his chest.

"inhale," he sucks in a breath and you follow suit, "exhale... one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. do you need anything else, y/n baby?"

you shake your head, melting into his side as you feel your pulse and breathing regulate to a normal pace. you feel like your feet are back on solid ground, in control and in the centre of your mind instead of backed into a corner hiding away from it.

"i'm here," he coos, swaying your bodies back and forth, "you're not alone. never. i'm here. i'm right here with you."

when you shut your eyes, tears fall down your flushed cheeks-- tears that had welled up due to stress and overwhelming bursts of emotions you weren't able to control--but now they fall with a sense of relief.

"i love you," your voice is quiet, trembling the slightest bit, "thank you… thank you for being here. i love you so much."

jisung hushes you, his hands gently running up and down your back, "it's the least i can do. I'm always gonna be here, y/n, always."

you nod, your eyes still closed as you take a couple of moments to yourself in jisung's arms. this time you're trying your best to anchor yourself back down to earth by thinking of what you love, what relaxes you, reminding yourself of the light and the good.

you know this isn't going to be the last panic attack you're going to have but at least you know that you aren't alone, there's always someone willing to help. jisung continues to remind you of that, that he'll be there for you no matter what, in any way he possibly can. at the same time, jisung knows that you'd do the same for him as you've done it time and time again.

jisung has told you multiple times that he doesn't know how he'd function without you, feeling like he would be completely lost without you.

you are his heart.

meanwhile, jisung is your anchor.

in the middle of an uncontrollable storm, when the harsh waves rock the boat every which way, an anchor is vital to stay strong and controlled during such conditions. an anchor is a symbol of stability, a symbol of strength; a person you can rely on to support you to stay strong, to hold on even during the toughest of storms.

you found that person in jisung.

184 notes View Post

sullyspuppym

1 year ago

One of my favorites🥰 I really love this 😩✋🏼

A/n: Training Minho To Reach For You When He Is Hurt Instead Of Being An Angry Little Guy (inspired By

a/n: training minho to reach for you when he is hurt instead of being an angry little guy (inspired by this racha log clip)

you’ve seen it a few times now - minho stubbing his fragile toe against a corner and freezing, or bumping his elbow on a table and hissing slowly through his breath, his eyes closed and his head thrown back as if he is trying to control himself from combusting. him curling up on the couch with his legs pressed close to his chest, hands looking impossibly small where they’re clasped around his knees to hold them close, a deep scowl on his face completing the picture.

he seems angry to the average person, like he’s somehow mad about being hurt and is stewing in that fury while the pangs of pain evaporate from his system. you know better, though. you know he’s not angry, but frustrated. a little annoyed at himself because all he wants to do is curl up in someone’s arms and have them kiss his wound better like a tiny little kitten, but he can’t do that. because he’s minho, and minho’s complete brand is acting tough. sure, everyone knows hes a pure softie on the inside, but he can’t really go around showing it can he?

you’ve elected to convince him that he can.

it starts when his morning coffee splashes on the back of his hand and he hisses, glaring down at his hand like he wanted to chop it off (or something else equally as violent). usually you’d let him calm down on his own, knowing his faux anger goes as quickly as it comes, but today you swoop into his space and cradle his hand in both of yours. you press a gentle kiss to the spot, coffee staining your lips as you meet his eyes warmly. you guide his hand to the sink and let cool water run across it, rubbing your thumb against his skin in what you hoped was a comforting way.

“okay?” you ask once you’re satisfied with the temperature of his skin, wrapping a fluffy towel around his hand to dry it. he just blinks at you for a moment, head tilted so adorably that you feel a scream bubbling under your chest that you have to contain. he’s so cute. you finish making his coffee for him while he continues to stare at you with wide eyes, not faltering once until you press a kiss to his cheek on your way out of the kitchen.

the second time is when he’s come home from dance practice, a little sweaty and tired and very sore all over. he’s grumbling about his muscles hurting under his breath and you can barely hear it, but you know him well enough to know that his aborted movements and sharp little exhales mean that he’s in pain and doesn’t want to say it. the way he sat himself on the sofa instead of showering first was also a sign - he liked to be clean, especially before relaxing.

you wince in sympathy, knowing the exact feeling of muscle pain from exercise and while it comes with the benefit of self-satisfaction it almost isn’t worth the all-encompassing ache that comes right after. he reaches for his water but stops halfway, cringing at the stretch in both his arm and his abdomen, and falls back against the couch in defeat. you take pity on him, picking up his water and twisting open the cap for him, even going as far as to hold it up to his lips for him as he takes in greedy gulps. when he’s satisfied, he pulls back and fixes you with a suspicious look, like he’s asking what do you want with his eyes.

you just smile at him in return, giving his upper arms a gentle massage with your hands as you lean at an awkward angle to press a flutter of kisses to his stomach. he’s a little dazed when you finish your ritual, melted back into the cushions with a glazed over look in his eyes, and you cuddle up next to him with a satisfied smile.

“better?” you ask, letting your finger trail over his stomach in the pattern your lips had just made.

“yeah,” he breathes out, brow furrowing a little in confusion, thinking too hard.

the third instance is perhaps the most challenging, because it happens in public. the street you’re walking down hand in hand isn’t the busiest, but there are bustling around corners and crossing streets. you’re not at all surprised when minho straightens up in excitement and pulls you to a tree at the end of a sidewalk, a tiny bundle of fur curled up underneath it. minho pulls out a little tube of cat treats from his jacket pocket, something he seems to have an endless supply of, and kneels down next to the small kitten.

the thing is, cats love minho. everyone knows that they do, it’s in his blood. you’re sure that he has cat genes somewhere in his ancestry.

but, as the both of you discover, this particular cat does not love minho. he leans towards the poor thing, making soft noises with his mouth as he holds the opened treats out, and the cat lets out an angry hiss and swipes at him with its little paw. he lets out a yelp, falling back on his haunches in surprise and his betrayed gaze trails after the kitten as it scampers away.

he raises the palm of his face to his hand, decorated with lines of angry red that don’t look too bad but you know they probably sting something fierce. he leaves the cat treats abandoned under the tree as he stands and you prepare yourself for the anger to set in but - it doesn’t come. instead, he looks up at you with wet, wide eyes and a trembling pout and your composure breaks.

you swoop in beside him and take his hand, blowing lightly onto his palm before pressing a light kiss to the corner of it. he rests his head on your shoulder in an uncharacteristic display of public skinship, not caring one bit of the passersby behind the both of you as he soaks in your comfort. you have to hide your shock - you didn’t have to come to him, he asked for you. he sought you out in his pain, didn’t get adorably angry, and leaned towards you. this wound was different, this one was personal, a betrayal of his brethren creating a mix of physical and emotional pain that served as the perfect opportunity for your conditioning to run its course.

with the way it’s going, you’ll have him perfectly trained in no time.