Latest Posts by sugarandnails - Page 2

Directions to Depression

First rule,

Always turn left

Because nothing turns out right

Second,

Look at the sky

Then look at your feet

When you decide to cross the road

In attempt to get away from what is left

Don’t bother looking both ways

Walk down misery lane

And try to find yourself

Not in any pain

Keep your head down

Follow the yellow lines

And when you get to the stop lights

Take another left

Onto the streets

Of regret

Pick any of the streets and follow it

To the dead end

And never come back.

Clumsy Ballerina

I'm a clumsy ballerina

Dancing from sorrow to morrow

Trying to take a twirl with happiness

But never quite succeeding

Prince charming asks if he can have this dance

I say yes, but honestly, I just want to chasse and get away

I’d much rather be exploring this castle

Instead of being stuck at this boring ball

Switching from person to person, trying and trying is tiring

As a misfit, I am tremendously tired of these triplets

Hanging heavy in the air

Making it hard to fly

I’m out of breathe

Can I just plie and stop with this ballet?

To take a rest

I do an arabesque

I do not recognize this music

But my heart is pounding out the beat to this mad song that plays on and on

I'm off time

And out of grace

I'm dipping and tripping all over the place as if I were drunk

I'm stepping on peoples toes because I don’t know how this dance goes

Too dizzy

To know that I’m in a tizzy

With my tap shoes, I'm trying to tap out

How could I question my depression

When I know that it is the most graceful and charming

While I am inept when it comes to this dance

Your Love

I can sometimes feel your love

Like a massage that's over

Even though you're not around

I feel it and it's what I think I need

Your love is like the warmth of the sun

You're not near me

But I can feel your warmth

On my skin

Your love is like my moon

Far away

Yet I can see your light

In my dark

Your love is like a song

That has already been played

But still buzzing

Around my head

Your love feels like

A glowing aura on my skin

That protects me

From life’s miseries

Your love almost feels like

You are keeping watch and looking out for me

And I sometimes think

That I see you out of the corner of my eye

But maybe that is all just wishful thinking

Because I miss you

And your love

That felt so good and right

My Stupid Castle

And it looks like

This could be the end

Of this perfect palace

This new life

Was so sweet

With beginners luck

The fairy godmother magic

Could only hold out for so long

A kite flying

Then getting pulled back down

By the person who is flying it

At least

I didn’t get stuck

In a tree

My stupid castle

Was not built by a genius

It was built

By this peasant

Who was not destined to be a ruler

I now see myself once again

As not worthy

And I was silly to think I was

Depression

Is trying to kiss me

And sneak into my system

Through my chapped, chewed, cracked lips

I thought that we weren’t dating anymore, just friends

I can only keep

My dreams alive for so long

Before I become too worn down to maintain them

Being whipped

By disappointment

I can feel

Failure

Making its poisonous way back into my blood

I don’t know how to

Make myself clean again,

By sterilizing my depression

With

Hope

What Sweet Luck

Hair like black lace

A beautiful kind of tangled

I'm happy that I was once her case

Sophisticated

Yet humble

I'm intoxicated

On you

You hate chunky orange juice

I hate being away from you

So for now, you are my muse

You are becoming abstract thought

I find this interesting

My eyes searching but not

Getting caught

I'm high

On you and your missing presence

And yet you feel nearby

I'm reaching

For her extra crazy hope

That she’s superb at teaching

With her bad analogies

Her and her flawed

Perfectness

She was just the right kind of odd,

I'm like a spider with a web and she’s like a bug that’s stuck

She has no idea that she has been caught in my poetry

What sweet luck,

Because I miss you so

When It Came To Life

When it came to life

They had their tires spinning

But I like to believe I was somehow the one who was winning

When it came to life

They made me feel unwanted in theirs

They are the heirs with the mean stares

I would like to believe

That I’m going to shine brighter

But I’m not the one who owns a lighter

I would like to believe

That I’m the one who is going to get around

But I’m stuck in the background

When it came to life

It seemed like they are naturally smart

I on the other hand, don’t even know where to start

When it came to life

They always managed to get luck and look good

I, on the other hand, look like a girl made of wood

I would like to believe

That someday I will be above all of this

Instead of being traded like baseball cards, I’ll have a person to kiss

I would like to believe

That none of this will matter

And I’ll be on the mound tauntingly saying, swing batter batter swing batter batter

When it came to life

They gave no real shits about my existence

And yet I kept with my foolish persistence

When it came to life

They had their own group

And I wasn't really part of the loop

All’s Not Lost

All's not lost

Until I have lost my mind

Now I will write

Into the night As if I am some sort of time lord

I will write

Until I feel alright

A poet’s tailbone

Is where they keep their tales

My tailbone is tired

I shall steal my sleep

From tomorrow

I am a true night time poet

With dry, tangled hair

Who knows where I’ll be able to take myself

Some is lost

And I'll admit that I fucked up

But I can almost trust

That this shall continue

I shall continue on this journey

That is full of losing

And gaining

One Way Magic

I live in a world of unfinished poems

Sometimes I lose them

And it hurts

But I suppose there is a beauty in it

In the fact that it was created

Then went missing into the universe

Sometimes I forget that old ways

Can be the best ways

There is beauty in lost things

Beauty in destruction

How things are created

Then just cease to exist

Like a one way magic trick

Now you see it,

Now you don't

And you shall

Never see it

Again

But the universe will move on

And there will be more days

And more things will be created

I’m The Biggest Idiot

I'm that person who is the example not to follow

The laughable example

I'm the accidental class clown

I'm the person with the homework

That no one copies because I'm full of wrong answers

I'm the one that keeps doctors puzzled without trying

I'm the one who dares to touch the sky

Only to fall all the way back down

I hit the ground

And still live

Why?

I'm the one that can’t tell if that’s good luck or bad

I'm the one who doesn’t study

And then gets confused about the F

I'm the one bus drivers honk at

I'm the one people swear at

I'm the one that is openly clueless

I'm the one with backwards underwear

I'm the one who doesn’t know how to properly sit

In other words, I’m the biggest idiot

Forever

Though I am stressed more than a rubber band about to snap

I have you beside me which

Makes me think that I am the luckiest person to live

As I lay here tonight, staring at your back

I realize that you are better

Than any dream I could have ever dreamed

So beautiful I feel like I'm ruining you

You're like a good book

And I'm the gum stuck in between your pages

I will forever be very thankful that you like me

And puzzled

I just can’t comprehend why you would like this piece of abc gum

Maybe I can’t understand because I'm dum

Even though

You would argue with me all day about that

I'm sorry that I sometimes have a habit of staring at you

Its just, goddamn girl

How did you ever fall into me, out of everyone else

I find that I feel so fucking awesome

When my hand is in yours

Whatever mistakes I made that lead me to you I would make over and over again

If it meant that we’d be together

Wherever and

Forever

What Summer Is To Me

Summer has helped me almost fully recover

From being brainwashed

I almost lost me

But

I'm back to dreaming

About shoeshine and smiles

Back to the taste of salty sunflower seeds

Back to the smell of chives

Back to fires

And stars

Back to believing that shoeshine and smiles

Have more value than the realists could ever understand

Back to almost being able to feel the child in me playing

As if responsibilities and time do not exist

Back to smelling sunscreen and sweat

And loving it

Back to laying in cool grass

While staring up at the clouds

Back to feeling a little bit lonely in a unique way

In a Stargirl sort of way

Back to being as chill as

A flower girl

Living barefoot

Is the way it should be

Watching plants grow and cheering them out of the dirt

Bare, raw emotions bursting out of us like our acne

Warm sun feeling so good on your skin

Dreaming sweet dreams

All the while never wanting to sleep because life is more interesting

And secretly believing in the magic of shoeshine, smiles and the healing of summer

Camp Sloane

It felt like I started a new life

A good one

A happy one It was a life full of new people

And new experiences

That were better than ever before A life without popularity

A life built of trust

And support A new home

In tents and out of town

With a better view of the lovely stars Now I'm back in my town

Back to the same life

Back to the same person Back inside

Where the breeze does not blow

And where the sky is not as beautiful Back inside

Where there aren't any waterfalls

And yet I find my feet in the same shoes

NCCC

Never

Certain

Correctness

Current

Now

Cognitive

Correlation

Censor

New

College

Care

Collection

Noticed

Color

Confuse

Create

Trip

Swat

Soot

Positive

Treacherous

Stretch

Strengthen

Progress

Road Rage From Others

Menacing eyes

Illuminated with anger

Glaring into the mirror

I dare not do what they want

For I would be breaking the law

Evil eyes pushing me onward

Giving me no mercy

They are the lit flame underneath my anxiety

Glowing just so they know that I can see them

They make me say I'm sorry repeatedly to them

As if I don’t have a right to be there

I must look forward

There isn’t anything I can do about those eyes

That tell me to do things

I don’t want to do

I no longer want to go down this soulless road

With machines that don’t have empathy

Sometimes I get lucky though

And one of the eyes starts to wink at me

Then they disappear as they take a turn

The one question I must ask is,

Why so much anger,

Towards a stranger who is trying to stay away from danger?

School Alphabet

Authority adults administration algebra

Bags bus brainwash biology

Control cruel curt childhood chemistry

Down desk document

Education evaluate execute exoskeleton embarrass

Front foil frustrate

Guidance grades graduate

Hell hooky herd health

Inquire ignorance ignore

Juggle jail juggernaut jealousy

Kill kids knowledge

Low lock luck look

Monday machine mandatory math

Notes name nausea

Operations objective obey

Punish probe persecute presentations

Quart quiz quiet

Registration require restrain

Silent sit sad scalp science

Talent tear test

Unit union unhappy

Violent vain victim

Watch wane work world

Xlyophone x's

Yearn youth year yawn

Zero zoo zone

Leaving

When I was three

I met a boy

He was my brother, just from another family

We split at 12 and now I look at him, and he looks at me,

Like we are strangers

When I was a little older

I didn’t know how to play solitaire

Pop pops would tell me what cards were “no good”

And without him not neglecting me as memere did, my world has grown colder

I wonder with no way of knowing what he was truly like in all of his strength

When I became a teenager I like to read I like to learn

My aunt taught me, about cancer

She asked me the questions that I still need

But now I only get asked about school or if I have finally caught a boyfriend

About two months after she left

So did my boyfriend and

He was a fuckboy

He was a theft

But I was so in love

When I got dumped

For another girl, I wrote a poem and sent it to him

Someone said that I pulled a Taylor Swift

I took that as a compliment even with my feelings lumped

Then I just never saw that person again and I still think of her and how she saved me from my nightmares

And you think

That you leaving is hard?

Nah man, I've gotten pretty used to this thang and I'm not mad or sad

I'm not scared to blink

Because in life people come and people go like waves in the sea

Little Do You Know

Little do you know

That I still think you’re really cool

More than the status quo

When we talk my words are like tiny dancers

Trying to be graceful

With one worded answers

Little do you know, I do care

I still love you like a messy two year old running around in a diaper

With tangled hair

Little do you know I seesaw us like sisters

And when you're not around

It’s like I'm getting blisters

In me the two year old

Still wants to sit on your lap and leave with a French braid

You still have me sold

Little do you know that even though I am no longer two

And I cut my hair short

I'm secretly stuck like dried glue

Last time I saw you

You said that for a summer I had made you feel special

And I can’t believe that’s true

Because little did I know that I was nothing more

Than two

And was probably a bore

So before,

I become older than 18 just know that

I have a sensitive heart and nothing more

Journaling

I leave my journal laying open at night, hoping that the words will fly off the page

And drift out the window into the night air

And dance around the moon

I should start dreaming soon

Too many bugs flying around my world

You wouldn’t want forever

People change

And you’ve never seen my rage

I miss your calming

Smooth

Sing-song voice

You left me no choice

But to trust

And live in the exhilarating moment

And taught me that you don’t have to chase

Or try to erase

Moments

Of happiness and sadness

The magic is already there

Sparking in the air

Getting stuck in your crazy hair

That I miss more than you'd ever know

I'm stuck in negative time

While forgetting how to rhyme

Where are my feelings?

Behind my eyes

Sharp

Hidden under the weathered tarp

One day I will finish writing my story

And I’ll let the words swarm you like a tornado of bees

Or a meteor shower

A universe with all the power

Stop Pushing

I need a break

I need to break

I'm going to break

If you don’t let me have a break

I have been trained

To do what is best for me

No matter what

And I am allowed to do anything to keep myself okay

Okay

I'm currently not okay

Someone would make this okay

If they were around I think I would be o.k.

Nothing is holding me over

This is looking like a sleepless night

And not for partying reasons

Unless being burned out was a party

You don’t listen

So listen

Don’t push to the point that I don’t want to listen

Superfluous words you say and yet I continue to listen

So many words, my oh my oh me

You cant fix my life anymore, my oh my oh me

Let me handle how much I push myself, my oh my oh me

I know how much I can take without doing too much, my oh my oh me

I Need My Feet to Forget

I need my feet to forget what motion feels like

Moving unnaturally fast

I need to stay rooted right now

I need time to think

My feet need to forget

What flying feels like

Because I keep nose diving

And maybe its just a part of learning

Maybe I have to suck first

It just seems like others don’t suck

And I'm the only one

Left behind in the dust

I cant stand up because

My feet refuse to forget

Silly feet,

Don’t you know that flying is unnatural?

Dear feet,

Please leave the job of flying

To the wings

Dear feet, you can run

I need my balance

I so should stick to the ground for now

I'm tired of being dizzy

And feeling bigger than I actually am

I'm tired of your illusion

I am the kind of person

That is dangerous

Once I know speed

So I need my feet to forget

What they now know

My feet need to forget the sky

And instead feel the grass, dirt, and tar

K-12

All I have learned how to do is study

And memorize

And cram

With a heavy head, how am I expected to take to the skies?

I know nothing about survival

Unless grabbing the newest textbook counts

I know that it doesn’t

I guess they have failed to brainwash me completely

But I do know how to wake up and eat

Then study

Go to sleep

And repeat

Never fully knowing what the outside world is like

Never slipping out of reach

Never learning the things that will actually help me

Always shoving me down

Never letting me wonder what if

Never showing me why

But commanding me this way

And that

That’s for the authority

And the sentence

That I committed no crime for

It was quite unneeded

Trying to get me to conform

By using peer pressure

Then when its useful for you to say the opposite,

You say that we shouldn’t follow others and do as you say

Making me feel so, so little

While telling me to be an adult

Then telling me that I’m not an adult

And when I am one I will never be ready

I can't believe I am finally free

From this tortuous prison

That I used to feel embarrassed to be a part of k-12

But now I am done with k-12

So bye motherfuckers

I ain’t coming back

And I ain’t gonna be looking back

Because most of the faculty, staff, administration, and board members made me feel like shit

Believe it or not

But

School was made for kids

So stop trying to take over and ruin our lives

And Then Goodbye

A journal

A coat hanger

And then goodbye

After six months its finally soaking into my thick skull like

Acid

Absent

Abstract metal and Boston cream doughnuts

Abandoned

Adding on to heartbreak

Awe inspiring were your

Analogies

Allergies

A notepad

A pen

A plan without me

A broken heart

An open heart

All the time

At night,

Alouette sings

Adieu, to you

It’s Over

I cant believe its over

The ending came; it came without a warning; It came just this morning

And its all over now

I always knew the end of the tunnel,

Would come eventually

And its all over now

But I guess that I thought

The end would never come for me

And its all over now

The three year old is finally free

And scared

And its all over now

All those years of being held prisoner

All those moments stuck with mean dicktators

And its all over now

I was just doing my time,

Of a little shy of 20 years

And its all over now

Before I had come to the conclusion

That I had gotten a life sentence

And its all over now

Still stressed but now I can breath,

A little deeper

And its all over now

Part of me wants to go back because now I don’t know what to do,

Without someone yelling commands at me

And its all over now

On me own

All alone, just how I wanted it, right?

And its all over now

I can finally rip part of this crowded box open,

Shed my fake skin I had to plastered to myself just to survive

And its all over now

I want something different

I cant stand having the same ticky-tacky exterior of everyone else, of 9-5 days

And its all over now

T-20 years and still counting

I feel ripped off

And its all over now

Was It Me?

Was it me or was it you?

Did I move closer?

Or did you?

I cannot tell

Since we move as one

Its like you were made for me

We both realize the risk

Just like Adam and Eve

We cannot help ourselves

I may not understand love

But I understand my heart

For some reason I let you slip into my head

I know that this probably wont work out

But I cant stop dreaming

About us being together forever

I can picture our future very vivid

And yet I am too sick to live a normal life

You showed me the secrets of the universe

I went outside and I don’t remember any of it

Except for you

You opened my mind enough to let love in

And take risks

Because love cannot kill

The risk

I almost took

Was not taking one

A Pound of Rocks

Fallen, struck, and forgotten

I am ready for the fight

Hear me out

I will win the war of being particular

The only difference between me and you

Is that, despite the war, I want you

I knew that when we met

You were a doll

With your appearance of a revolutionary uniform

You seemed like an ice cold bitch

At first you made my blood go cold

Oh but Mary, you will live on

My heart feels like its full of a pound of rocks rather than

A pound of feathers

Feelings are not always accurate

Worried and hurried

My heart is bound to you

With the simplest of things that you left me with

On account of that

My heart takes flight

And my tears dried themselves

I'm my own hero

Though I do

Imagine that it’s you

Was It?

Was it the bread

That got to your head?

Or was it the butter

That made you stutter?

Maybe you think it was the salt

That made it your fault

I know that the berries

Didn't make you marry

But what was your deal

With the oatmeal?

Was the grapefruit too tart?

Maybe it’s why you had to fart

You gave a nickel

For a fried pickle

Maybe the pie

Was the reason that it felt like you were going to die

I mean the honey

Did seem to taste a little funny

Did the steak

Give you a stomach ache?

Was it the chicken soup

That made you have to go poop?

Or was it the icing on the cake

That made your stomach break?

I’m In For The Ride

I find it funny that

White roses tarnish with age

I'm scared my love

Will have wrinkles the next time I will meet

Will it be you or me at the welcome mat?

Maybe I will keep your coat hanger for my rage

Like Cinderella shoe, or someone’s glove

I keep your writing as a treat

I'm in need of a deep conversation

And I think you'd be perfection

I wonder your thoughts on bottling up fear

And using the pressure like a Coke and Mentos rocket

Blast off with irritation

And safety goggles for protection

We could talk about what we think of Shakespeare

And girls pockets

When it comes to talking

I just don’t know how or where to start

Maybe I'm in need of a brave summer vacation

I have don’t have many ideas though

I just have to keep a rolling and a rocking

I also have to learn how to part

With hesitation

Learn how to jump head first into something when people are saying no

I have to learn to not think, just do

Every time I go around I want to reach for the gold rings

And see everything I can see before I can’t see

I want to know that if I failed, at least I tried

I find it funny how we all do the same motions but are different each time we carry them through

How we change slowly and want and need different things

I'm scared and I want to break free to be me

Lets see where life will show me and take me to, I'm in for the ride

Seasons

Trees in the winter are skeletons

But now they are beaded with buds

Grass greener than ever

To make up for being dead

Overcompensation

Before burn out

It will all soon happen again

And without knowing it,

I will grow into

Good territory or bad

I may be stuck here but

It’s my choice where my roots go

I will see it through in the weather

And the seasons of weakness

Life Goes On

Breathe

I tell myself as I want to leave

But right now I don’t know how

I have been stuck

In a little bit of a rut

And my hatred for fakes Grew to the size of lakes

It feels like I'm playing a game

That doesn’t have any aim

I'm curious which is why I play

While I keep my feelings at bay

I have become tired of hiding behind doors

And metaphors

Frozen in mid breath,

Sitting before death

The reaper scares me no longer

Not because I've become stronger,

But because I've become scared of going on as life does

Just because

Her Seasons

I love her so much

I miss her so much

That I have started to see her in not just people

But the seasons

In winter is her snow white skin

And her dark hair like the silhouettes of bare trees

She can speak of darkness

But her brightness shows such innocence

The contrast of black and white

Makes her seem like an Oreo that I would enjoy eating

Fall is her softness like fuzzy blankets and pumpkin spice

And mellow colorful leaves soaring from branches

Spring is the liveliness in her bright eyes

It is hope for things to come

She smells like the best kind of flower

Without her I have no power

Summer is her hotness

And her little black summer dress

For now the sun is going down

I don’t want this to ever end

But I will have to live another day, week, month, year

Without Mother Nature’s seasons