What Summer Is To Me

Reality

Filthy skin

I'm itching

To be an orphan

I'm waiting for lives to be gone

By then I'll be old

I'll be too late

I'm a failure either way

I need it badly

It's stuck on me

It has ruined me many times before

So I must go off to battle

See you long

Hidden secrecy

Private

Not stolen

My head is free unlike any words trapped on paper Memories run wild,

Fading

Should I let them slip,

Away?

I'm stuck in a lazy jail cell

I can't dig my way out in rhythm

If I could I'd still be stuck,

In an unfortunate life

I keep telling myself it's not going to happen

I already had my hopes set on fire

They're ashes of reality now

Oh reality...

Looking Back

Looking back I realize that

With the great irony

They were exactly what they warned us about

I made it out

By hiding my emotion

So no one had any idea what I was actually thinking

The last time

Tasted unusual

Playing like a surreal movie in my head

Walking into the arms

Of the people

They told me rumors about and yet I'm now doing better than I ever have

I'm here

Knocking down the walls

That held in so many peoples stories that I had no idea about

The hard look

I got with my degree

Made me want to scream but, man, too bad we never did

Please don't leave

I tell you not to

But I can’t truly stop you

I hope you realize that I'm trying

I'm not lying

I want to teach you how to fight

With all your might

Don’t let the inside voices take over

You’re my four leaf clover

You can do this

Sorry my advice might be amiss

You are strong

No I'm not wrong

I can see it in you

This you can get through

I'm always here

You are going to have to face the mirror

That I know you hate

You might want to pay more attention to your gait

You can tell a lot about a person just by looking at the way they walk

Don’t let those voices talk

Duck tape

Just anything so you can escape

You I believe in

You have my special mocking jay pin

Trust me I know what it’s like

That long, lonely, dark hike

I'm having my own problems too

I've got you

Please don’t leave

When you do I greave

How I want to save you, Kim

But I'm just too weak to go out on that extra shaky limb

I believe that, that battle is yours

You'll find the other doors

People all say that we’re safe and sound

But our little worlds go round and round

Don’t leave like that

Because then I can’t tell you to look out for that black cat

After that I'm no use

I can’t slip you out of that noose

Just don’t leave

Then there’s nothing to achieve

You are important

At the moment we’re just dormant

But we will someday come alive

Just give it five

Five what? you may ask

Life is sometimes a hard task

But you have me

If you would just believe

Take the leap

Have faith that it isn’t so deep

I beg you just please don’t leave

When I’m Happy

When I'm happy

Happiness won’t seem like a foreign word

And there will be tons of space

To run free at a great pace

I won’t feel like I'm constantly getting criticized

For just being me

No longer shall my work,

Be torn up by jerks

I won’t feel snappy

And the lines won’t be blurred

I won’t feel condemned to hide myself behind them

As a flower never give away your stem

There will be boundaries

Because people don’t think I deserve them

Because I'm not of age

And never will be because I'm just baby sage

I stopped dreaming

When I got tired of society feeding on my dreams

And twisting them into something I didn’t want

So I just played off nonchalant

But maybe one day

I’ll find myself…

Petting a german shepherd

While listening to Def Leppard deafeningly loud

And fall asleep with a tired smile

One that I wore all day

I’ll be able to get lost in a dream

And come up with even crazier schemes

Not Good Enough

Hey, that's not good enough

Is anything ever good enough

For you?

Well I'm determined to stay tough

Anything I have with you is brutal

Why must you be brutal?

I'm never good enough

You throw people away if they happen to be the opposite of useful

Everyone has a heart

Do you have a heart?

Yours only beats

Oh where to start...

You said you would still love

Why do you pretend to love?

Pretending isn't what a heart does

I am the bothered, dead, dove

You have broken my innocent wings

Why do you inflict pain on my wings?

Then you cut me off with something hurtful

Let me show you what my misspent time with you brings

Then you bring me down

Why do you like to bring me down

Big bully?

You like to stand behind me when I'm in a hospital gown

Your creep is showing

Why do you let it show?

It's wrong

You'll never know

Hey, you have to be more helpful than that

Than that?

Than what?

Well maybe you've gotten too lazy and fat!

"You can contribute here you know"

Do you think that I don't know?

I am only giving you what you deserve

You always have been my foe

Thank goodness I was here because you wouldn't have answered

How do you know that I wouldn't have answered?

You don't know the future, stop assuming

I will never stop dancing because I am a dancer

Hey you, I never see you anymore

How come you don't see me anymore?

Huh. I couldn't imagine why

I'm glad I have finally closed that door

I'm glad I have finally managed to get your foot out of the door

I need to get some locks for the door

A chair just isn't good enough for me

Because you are a persistent, controlling Leo

You make me feel bad about stuff

Not just any ol' stuff

You make me feel handcuffed to a wall

That you come back to just to demean me

Would you be brave enough to do that?

Holding in your words, never would you think about that

I would do whatever I needed to do if I had to

Because I understand the meaning of the words, ya gotta do what ya gotta do

Send It

I disappeared for awhile

So if you don’t recognize my name that’s why

Coming and going is sort of my style

(sigh)

If you can’t remember me you once called me deep

I’m basically your mini me, who refuses to go down without a fight

Aka internet creep (kidding)

Poetry is what I like to write

All this time I hope you didn’t have a strange hunch

I see another moon

Then there goes another month

I hope I’ll be able to put words on paper to you soon

You probably think that I fell off the face of the earth

I’m not done existing yet!

Two days we both hate but everyone else loves is the date of our birth

I hate pity so, over me don’t fret

I realize that even gut girl,

Doesn’t have real magic

And can’t save me from my world

I’m slowly breaking free of the chains that have had me trapped, full of rage I have had it

On my team

It’s just you and me

That’s not entirely true to this whole befuddling scheme

I’m not the only one with a forever scraped knee

Will I write back to you before I get old and grey?

For some reason I’m scared

Then before I know it there goes another day

Should I even care?

Writing I have forgotten how

Where is my “brave” voice?

Maybe you could understand this, Meow!

I’m starting to think that braveness is a crazy choice

I haven’t written to you in so long

Will writing to you be my fate?

Too good to be true, someday I bet you’ll be gone

I remind you of your younger self so at least you can strongly relate

For now I don’t think I’m brave enough

To reach you again

My feelings seem to be in cuffs

But even though I haven’t talked to you, I hope that we’re still good friends

You were my fog horn

While my strength was dwindled

Kept me from getting more torn

No more will I get swindled

You understand the weird problems with anxiety

And all of the faking

Sorry you saw me,

When I was breaking

I don’t like rooms with big unspoken elephants

After all there might be a goodish brain in my head

To win the war of hurtful words I must be more intelligent

Moons ago this is what should have been said!

Brokenhearted

I left brokenhearted

I guess that’s what growing up is like

Even though I never really seem to grow up

And I guess that’s the problem

How do you grow up?

Why do you grow up?

If I can keep it from being my fault

I don’t want to become one with the boring adults

With them, time has run its course and mellowed

Time wears you smooth like sea glass

And it doesn’t stop for anyone, anything

From our minds it can go fast and slow

I don’t want to mellow

I will not fall in love with classical music, I’ll stick with 2CELLOS

Why stop rocking out?

Why stop having sharp edges?

I'm already getting jealous of young age

At the same time being jealous of an older age

But not quite jealous of death,

No, not quite

Is it better than being in pain?

Is it better being lonely?

It’s not very funny

When you run out of living money

I am jealous of how my generation gets put into stereotypes

When they say we’re all going to lose our hearing

Then you ask what type of stereo we like

And I’ll say I don’t like any!

Don’t put us in groups

You seem to like talking in stiff loops

Why should we respect you when you don’t respect us?

Do you think respect is a one way street?

Groups of stupid, lazy, unhealthy

I'm going about to turn the tables; this is actually all your fault

Thanks for handing us our high school diplomas with a nice finishing touch, debt

You could have tried to hand us a nice life

Do you think we are happy in our hellish lives?

Do you think we all fit into one singular standard?

Some of us are working hard so we might have a glimpse at a small chance,

With a lonely, painful, brokenhearted romance

Words

People say that words can’t hurt you

But words can make you dangerously blue

They say that sticks and stones hurt more

But they don’t get that words aren’t a bore

Words have a lot of meaning

Stop the brain cleaning

Why do you think I write poems?

Poems are my home

Sticks and stones may break your bones but they can’t ever hurt your soul

Unless you let them slip through a little hole

Words have a way of sneaking around everyone’s hearts and minds

Too bad you don’t have to pay a fine

Some words hurt like knifes

Don’t let it ruin your life

Words can leave marks,

Scars and painful friction sparks

Other words are kind

Some can blind

You can’t only say I love you to me

You have to not just prove it but make me see

I now don’t trust easily at all

People who I used to trust have made me fall

Not only did they do that they made sure that I heard their laughter

After

I can still hear them in my head

When everyone else is in bed

Sleeping

While I lock myself in my room weeping

Their laughter always growing louder

Why must I cower?

I wish I was strong like everyone else

I just want to be my old self

Everyone says I'm strong but really I'm not

They don’t know I cry a lot

They say I'm strong

But they're wrong

They all think I'm fine

They say that while all they do is shine

I'm just the cloudy, dirty, run down, rusty

Musty…

No one ever wants me

I'm the third wheel all the time, you see

You always tell me someone is worse off than me

Why can’t you just flee?

The laughter is so loud that it is part of the beat of my drum

What have I become?

Why do you enjoy making me feel worthless?

You are careless

The stress

Of always trying to be the best

You’ve made me a mess

I just want to be me

You never hear my pleas

Of just let me be me

I beg you please

Just turn it off

And step off

And you wonder why I don’t tell you anything or even speak at all

I just don’t want to bawl

Stop looking at me with that stupid judging look

I gratefully have unhooked

From you

We’re not stuck like glue

I've lost faith in the human mind

You can’t even be somewhat kind

Words make up the human world

Sometimes they can be bold, twisted and curled

Words hurt more than physical pain

You have a box of permanent letters in your brain

Of all the mean,

Things ever said to you, you're fat, you should be more lean

Some of the letters are signed with your name

Yes you are that lame

You really are your worst enemy

Slowly killing yourself…

Forever

Though I am stressed more than a rubber band about to snap

I have you beside me which

Makes me think that I am the luckiest person to live

As I lay here tonight, staring at your back

I realize that you are better

Than any dream I could have ever dreamed

So beautiful I feel like I'm ruining you

You're like a good book

And I'm the gum stuck in between your pages

I will forever be very thankful that you like me

And puzzled

I just can’t comprehend why you would like this piece of abc gum

Maybe I can’t understand because I'm dum

Even though

You would argue with me all day about that

I'm sorry that I sometimes have a habit of staring at you

Its just, goddamn girl

How did you ever fall into me, out of everyone else

I find that I feel so fucking awesome

When my hand is in yours

Whatever mistakes I made that lead me to you I would make over and over again

If it meant that we’d be together

Wherever and

Forever

I’ve Been Wronged

A bit of white on blue isn't

A tad quite all white

All I see is white

A pure, Christian shade of white A white expanding cloud

A white page

An unknown

Anonymous An

Anxiety

Attack

And a loss of godliness Honestly it became a sharp

Hue of

Hatred

How did it come to this... "Hi" I say to my friend

He says it was a

Hit and run

However I Have to try not to

Hyperventilate through this

Hiccup. Why did this have to

Happen. Now my car has a Scarlet letter, but I am getting

Help to hammer out the dents

I only wish I could have frozen

Time