Things You Should Never Think, Or Make Me Do

Blue Jay

She comes up to me just because I was alone

Little did she know I had been texting my friend on my phone

She proceeded to ask me a simple question

While on the inside I died and didn’t let out a groan

I was so anxious I almost pissed

What she said I almost missed

She caught me off guard

As I almost failed to answer in my panic she tsked

Why do I get singled out?

I'm not the kind who will pout

I felt like running to guidance

Is it that clear that I don’t belong here?; I have to stop the self doubt

Please stop asking me if this is where I belong because I’ll fucking leave school if you want

My existence alone seems to cause you so much trouble, when all I'm doing is reading my font

I'm minding my business so you should mind yours

Then again you don’t seem to mind just like my uncle and aunt

I wanted to run

With her I'm am so done

She’s an intrusive judge of society

She reminds me of the days my face would feel as hot as the sun

I wanted to fly

But I was stuck under her painful stare and I sure did die

Her voice seemed to flow in a different language

If only I had the life of a newspaper and a house fly

I dreamed of running, running, flying like a blue jay

A little bird is trying to keep me happy without any delay

I feel horrible about being more of a bee

He deserves more of a girlfriend who is in class A

I'm all anxious and my life sucks

I'm trying to stop giving any fucks

I do love how he said something I have always been thinking about this place

You really don’t fall in love the same way twice; so I don’t know, shucks

It’s entirely my fault

That my life has been at a halt

You're going to have so much fun with my stubbornness and my awkwardness

I love how I can’t tell who’s the ocean and who’s the salt

Shadow Girl

Broken,

No one knows

No one cares

No one can see my depressed shadow

But that shadow is mine and it’s the other half of me

It is taking over

My hallow, dark inside, body makes a shadow

Please stop walking on my shadow and thinking nothing of it

You think stomping on it is funny

But you don’t realize that, that is me

I want to put a cast on my broken shadow but I can’t because it moves with me and is always behind me

You fall for the fake smiles and laughs in the front but you forget to look in the back

If anyone really did love me they would look in the back and try to control it

They would try their best to stop and conquer it

The sun only brings out my shadow more

I hate the sun

I like rainy dark days

I like the feeling but I hate it at the same time

Camp Sloane

It felt like I started a new life

A good one

A happy one It was a life full of new people

And new experiences

That were better than ever before A life without popularity

A life built of trust

And support A new home

In tents and out of town

With a better view of the lovely stars Now I'm back in my town

Back to the same life

Back to the same person Back inside

Where the breeze does not blow

And where the sky is not as beautiful Back inside

Where there aren't any waterfalls

And yet I find my feet in the same shoes

How Things Change

How things change

In a place

Throughout time

I'm uneasy and need to pace

The picket fence

Lost a head

To a softball

The picket fence

Lost a bottom

To a chewing dog

The same picket fence

Has the gate wide open

But no worn grass

The picket fence

Bends and sags

Under weathered, weakness

The picket fence

Has a grapevine

But now it looks dead and sad

The snow,

Back in the day

Would be trampled down by two

The snow

Old as it happens to be

Is untouched

How things change

As they age

And yet

I'm still the same page

December Embers

December

Embers

Don't add light let me burn bright

Put me in the spotlight and I’ll turn grey

I want to hide from the light of day

Oh December

Embers

I'm going to use the heat for the long cold night

I'm burning out

But glowing in the dark is what I'm all about

Babe, December

Embers

Don't touch me when I'm hot

Don't fret

I'm not done quite yet

December

Embers

Blow on me to help

But that will only speed up the end

Just simply be my friend

December

Embers

From my eyes the crusty ash falls

I make myself pretty in the dark

I dare say my beautiful campfire smell will leave a mark

Dark December

Embers

Babe, I’ll be there when you wake up

When my light goes out don’t be afraid

I never let you fall, when I belayed

December

Embers

I'm going for the risk

Run your fingers through your hair

You can tell that I was there

Don’t desert December

Embers

No sugar just chalky

Just as long as you say we will always be a pair

I dare

Decimal December

Embers

I trust one and only one

Babe just communicate

Before I'm ugly, grey lets date

Depressed December

Embers

I hope you won't need it but...

I burnt the wood you knock on

No worries I got you, I'm strong

December

Embers

I don't know if I'm ready to jump

Keep it dark so you can see me glow

Please don't leave me out in the December snow

End Of A Line

When you come to the end of a line

I suggest you walk it carefully

Walk it as fearfully as you would a plank of a ship

It’s like an edge of a cliff

Walk to the edge of the unknown and take a leap

There could be words at the bottom to catch you

Let the words draw the line there

Or let the words take you out on a tightrope

In the end it just comes down to the wire

Are you daring enough to cross the line?

Misfit

I am tired of being a misfit

Fitting in everywhere

But wandering from group to group

From the orchestra cult

To the theater people and the bookworms

To other misfits

Once one group or relationship ends

I move on to the next

Always crashing into new souls

I’m tired of it being this way

I am a nomad

But I’d like for some people to stick with me

I can never find a tribe

That I can call my life

Because part of my heart often belongs in multiple places at once

I sometimes get bored of people,

Outgrow them

No one seems to care enough to hold on as hard as I try

So I simply let them go and I carry on soul surfing

I should trying crashing hard into another one

Then maybe we’d get stuck like shards of glass you can’t live without

Missing you

Why is it that when we miss someone we hope they miss us too?

In my life, there was you

I guess that makes you special and worth,

Your mirth

I should get a start on moving on

But the other Saturday

My food looked like puree

My cereal went soggy because I was thinking about you so much

We fell out of a touch,

I don’t think we ever even had

I was smarter before,

Before I walked through the innocence taking, dominating doors

I guess that it might be for the best

I was stuck under a rest

I’ll make accidents but I’ll make them my forte

Softballs put on the ground

No more bats and gloves around

No more eye black

No championship game to give me a happy heart attack

The hunger for the ball in my hand

I miss my old life, like

When the ump. would tell you, you were out on the third strike

Stolen bases

On a regular basis

Red dirt on my clothes, in my lungs

I was so much smarter then

When I didn’t know what it was, time and time again

I still do not

It’s like the pain inside is caught

And I can only try to make the best of it

Clay

Sometimes, if I like you

I'll let you mold a part of me or, thin out my walls

Sometimes, I feel young, energetic and naïve

But sometimes the weather forecast, forecasts colder weather

And I start to feel a little lethargic,

A little tired,

Maybe a little cracked

And trapped in this mold

Sometimes I grow harder, colder and more fragile

And sometimes my eyes seem to have a glazed coating

Because there are some tools out there

However tools don't get under my skin

If anything they get under my nails

I've got ribs and knives

So don't mess with me

Sometimes I'm as closed off as a clam,

With a secret,

Hidden pearl

Obviously I'm pretty imperfect

And I've become tired of finding a reason for

Being bent out of shape and having sharp edges

Edgy is my style

Because this is art

And anything ugly should not be held against the piece

And sometimes I have to let it go

Or just let it slip

Out of the grogginess of my tired head

Even if it leaves a shattered mess on the floor

Destruction is an art too

Like how angry painters have been known to throw paint at canvases

Fire me up

And I hope I won’t explode

With the unspoken air in my lungs

Abstract

Can you take my anger? And pass me the settledness? I think I need a coat hanger for my anger To hang it up

I keep my dreams in the closet And my hopes in a drawer When I grow up I can take them out And wear them higher I keep my fears Under the bed They live with the monsters, Who keep my fears from getting misplaced I keep my misery in the basement Where I hope it’ll get lost But I see it every time I do laundry One time I tried to hang it out to dry I keep stupidity in the attic With the light on Often times I have bright ideas I keep passion on the floor It's too much for me to handle, When I keep depression Strung around my fingers Which keeps me from forgetting That I left jealousy Brewing and boiling on the stove A poignant smell that makes I keep happiness On pieces of yellowed paper Which are stuck up on the fridge with magnets The messy drawings of not caring mock me as I pull pity out to eat for a midnight snack