End Of A Line

Strong?

I change daily

I'm not far from the brink

Closer than you may think

The word strong used on me, is laughable

I'm mad instead of joking gaily

I'm mad as hell

In a mess of my written words, I'm loud and mean and mad!

Then I become sad

Those two last line words are so vague

In this place I need to rebel

Oh, Ms. Hale

You can’t see it but I'm kicking and screaming!

I'm wonderstruck trying to stop myself from dreaming

I am scared of words; I'm scared to speak the name Voldemort!

I want to pay my own bail

Amy,

I believe you are temptingly wrong,

About me being superhumanly strong

That’s just not human and I'm just a little homo sapien,

Living in a big world, that can’t tame me

Just because of a worksheet, not your notepad

You think I have great strength on the inside

Yes I can be snide

Does that make sense?

I’m just saying, I'm stubbornly mad

Grades

Just watching your grades drop down to failure

What specific grade makes you a failure?

At what point are you considered a success?

If a 65 is passing, what’s so bad about a 64?

Are you a failure if you have a 0?

Or are you beating the system of grades;

And beating the government?

The difference between a 100 and a 0

Is just one

One point, that’s all

So let me make a good one

When we meet we shall laugh about those bad grades

And those teachers who said you were going nowhere

And all the classes that laughed at you and took you as a joke

School doesn’t teach you life; life does that

School is just an old factory that produces brainwashed people

You are taught to want to graduate and move onto college

Then get a job, fall in love and have a family

But for you and me

We need something different!

I Got Worried

You should be worried about yourself

And yet you're worried about me

Even though you were in the ER the other day and still don't feel good

You worry about me staying up too late

And tell me, before you go to bed

To make sure that I don't stay up too late

When you're the one who is cold

You come to me with a pile of blankets

Even though it is you who is cold

And the same for when you're hungry

You come to me to ask if I'm hungry

Even if you know that I just ate

You worry about me choosing to walk alone

At night and in the dark

And you make me carry a flashlight because it makes you feel somewhat better

You turn the lights on

So that when I get home late from school

I am welcomed by light

And when I found out with morning confusion

That you were in the ER

That was when I got worried about you

Burnout

Watts and volts

Nutts and bolts

Do not sit right

With a loss of appetite

Sitting on the pinnacle

And being cynical

Detatched

And mismatched

I feel meek

By drowning with just a slow leak

Just a drop can turn into a flood

Leaving me buried in mud

Everything is out of my league

When I'm drowning in fatigue

Too much asleep

To even weep

I had a shot

But then I forgot

Stillness

Is the only way to cure this illness

In other words, I am having trouble finding the door

Because I don’t want to work on Maggie’s farm anymore

We Need To Talk

We need to talk

And you probably don’t want to hear what I'm going to say

And you'll probably take it as me pushing you away

It feels like I'm suffocating

On anything other than him, concentrating

I think you need to be so near,

To combat your unnecessary fear

But if you don’t want me to go

What you should know,

Is that you need to give me a galaxy so I can fall

I don’t want to appall,

You, my case,

Is that, I need space…

That is, if you want me to fall stupidly

And hit a bullseye with me, cupidly

You need to give me a cliff

Unless you want me to go all limp and stiff

However, it is your choice if you want to catch a fallen me

But don’t make me do a lame trust fall; do we agree?

Man, I like to go all the way

So just listen to what I gotta say

Give me all of it or don’t bother with me

Can’t you see,

That lately I've been finding other things to occupy my hands and hours with

Since I am a giver, if you don’t give me space, I’ll leave you amidst,

My present of coldness that you can not return

Maybe you'll learn

And I don’t like being doted on 24/7

I guess what I'm saying is, be a little more like hell rather than heaven

“Come ‘ere”

You could move yo ass instead of pulling me near

I don’t chase boys

So if you want me you're gonna have to follow me for your joy

We need to talk

But without me, please don’t go for a walk

I want to go too

Shadow Girl

Broken,

No one knows

No one cares

No one can see my depressed shadow

But that shadow is mine and it’s the other half of me

It is taking over

My hallow, dark inside, body makes a shadow

Please stop walking on my shadow and thinking nothing of it

You think stomping on it is funny

But you don’t realize that, that is me

I want to put a cast on my broken shadow but I can’t because it moves with me and is always behind me

You fall for the fake smiles and laughs in the front but you forget to look in the back

If anyone really did love me they would look in the back and try to control it

They would try their best to stop and conquer it

The sun only brings out my shadow more

I hate the sun

I like rainy dark days

I like the feeling but I hate it at the same time

Please don't leave

I tell you not to

But I can’t truly stop you

I hope you realize that I'm trying

I'm not lying

I want to teach you how to fight

With all your might

Don’t let the inside voices take over

You’re my four leaf clover

You can do this

Sorry my advice might be amiss

You are strong

No I'm not wrong

I can see it in you

This you can get through

I'm always here

You are going to have to face the mirror

That I know you hate

You might want to pay more attention to your gait

You can tell a lot about a person just by looking at the way they walk

Don’t let those voices talk

Duck tape

Just anything so you can escape

You I believe in

You have my special mocking jay pin

Trust me I know what it’s like

That long, lonely, dark hike

I'm having my own problems too

I've got you

Please don’t leave

When you do I greave

How I want to save you, Kim

But I'm just too weak to go out on that extra shaky limb

I believe that, that battle is yours

You'll find the other doors

People all say that we’re safe and sound

But our little worlds go round and round

Don’t leave like that

Because then I can’t tell you to look out for that black cat

After that I'm no use

I can’t slip you out of that noose

Just don’t leave

Then there’s nothing to achieve

You are important

At the moment we’re just dormant

But we will someday come alive

Just give it five

Five what? you may ask

Life is sometimes a hard task

But you have me

If you would just believe

Take the leap

Have faith that it isn’t so deep

I beg you just please don’t leave

Inside

The past is the past

It may not have been the best

Let’s just leave it at that

But soon I'll be free from this wrecked nest

Right now it's not fun

It's those memories

I should hurry up, get over it and be done

Families that feel like enemies

The stares that pierce through you

They judge

But they don't have a clue

Their stubborn heads won't budge

I now look forward, so don't make me look back

I will be better someday

I won the treasure by slapping the jack

I didn't mean it like that way

No one to trust

No one to hold and clutch

Heat full of tumble weeds and dust

Not even a love touch

I was invisible

They didn't care

But anything is live-able

So I built my own lair

They didn't pay attention either

Suck it up and deal

Never got a breather

No one cares how I really feel

Say that you love me then break me like a china plate

Why did you make me sit on a towel?

Well now you're too late

Never had good bowels

Always felt out of place

I'm sorry but some things can't be forgiven

After things happened I don't feel safe

But I'm going to keep on live'n

Always felt different and weird

In a bad way

I tried to make all of it disappear

Nobody I wanted ever stayed

Tears roll'n down my cheek

They hit the floor like glass

The feelings that are deep down are antique

It can happen that fast

I've learned how to turn myself into a rock

Always picking up my own head

It causes me to have writers block

While people eat the meat, I don't whine and take the bread

No one cared if my head drooped down

I was forced to walk alone

They ignored me when one my face there was a frown

That's when my heart turned to stone

Bang Bang

My heart is made of gold

And it's oh so heavy it hurts

With every bang, bang Today

My broken is showing I don't think

I was supposed to be here It's like this isn't my life

I belong in a different one My life is at an advanced placement level

While my brain is at special education level

I'm too sensitive

And too weak They were right

About me after all Bang, Bang

Hands

When I put my hands together it didn’t feel right,

Because it’s not your hand that’s in my hold

In the middle of the night,

I am cold

At most

I get to hold your ghost

At the movies we held hands

I thought you'd turn into air between my fingers, that is not something I could stand

I am so attached,

To how we matched

If I told my male guardian about you, he might attack,

And be on my back,

Riding me like a bull, steering me crazy

Get off me; my vision is not hazy

I see the red flags

You give me tightly packed, zipped up, emotional bags

I should take the hint and move on

I’ll take my luggage with me

Put on my big girl shoes and be gone

You'll never see,

You’ve hurt me so many times and I never learn

On you, I can’t place the blame

I still don’t get why you make my stomach churn

What a shame

What I don’t want him to know is that I have a blue jay

If he knew, he’d try to convince my eyes to see that blue jays are mean

I have a bird, isn’t something I'm going to say

I won’t listen because I'm a rebel; towards blue jays I'll lean

I don’t want to stop holding your hand

It feels like sand

Mine are softer than expected

I don’t know about you but I feel connected