Snapetober 2020

CHAPTER 258 ANALYSIS

So we see Jian Yi leave to fetch Xiao Hui a drink like the gentlman he is and therefore leave Zhan Zheng Xi and Xiao Hui alone. The air is tense and quiet. Zhan Zheng Xi isn’t a very talkative or loud person. Most of the time he doesn’t speak unless spoken to. He’s an introvert and very much likes to keep to himself except for when it involves Jian Yi (but this doesn’t mean he can’t be sociable). The air doesn’t appear to be awkward for Zhan Zheng Xi. He’s calm, stoic, poker faced as usual; Xiao Hi, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. Xiao Hui’s face is flushed because she is alone with the guy she has a huge crush on, she’s nervous and also slightly uncomfortable because said guy rejected her not too long ago.

During the short but tense silence, she seems to be pondering something. Although nervous, face flushed, a drip of sweat rolling down her cheek, she asks Zhan Zheng Xi if he likes someone.

Now this is interesting because it was obvious from before, when Xiao Hui insulted Jian Yi calling him an abnormal / disgusting gay that Xiao Hui knew / kind of suspected that Jian Yi liked Zhan Zheng Xi. However, it seems that after Zhan Zheng Xi rejecting her, she herself realized that Zhan Zheng Xi had mutual feelings for Jian Yi. It must have been something that has been going through her mind for a while now. We have repeatedly seen how the student body act / react to seeing Zhan Zheng Xi and Jian Yi together, a lot of them stare in shock and/or amazement, it’s pretty obvious to most people there who have seen them interact that their feelings for each other are more than platonic. It didn’t seem to be as obvious to Xiao Hui at first but now it seems as clear as day to her. So she finally begins to wonder about Zheng Xi’s feelings for Jian Yi.

Zhan Zheng Xi responds with a rhetorical question. One about the spectrum of human emotions. At first it almost seems as if he is trying to avoid her question with another but he doesn’t. It actually reveals quite a bit. In a conversation I was having with @homolygamous, she said something that I agreed with: “Zheng Xi said that what he feels for Jian Yi is more than just an average person’s definition of liking a person. It’s like he’s saying that what he feels for Jian Yi can’t be explained in simple words / feelings because what is feels for him is far more unfathomably deeper than that”. Zhan Zheng Xi has always been in love with Jian Yi and he is finally, slowly but surely, coming to realize his own feelings. He knows his feelings for Jian Yi are far deeper than just a ‘like’. His feelings are so deep and ardent that he has a hard time explaining it which is actually what he says right after, “It’s hard to explain to you..” when he actually attempts to answer her question, not avoiding it at all. Also notice how Jian Yi was the first and only person he thought of when asked this question. Of course Jian Yi would be the first person to come to his mind. Once again affirming, the person he has feelings for is Jian Yi.

At this point, using context clues and simple observation Xiao Hui is now sure that the person he is talking about is Jian Yi. She decides to be upfront about it and directly asks “Is it Jian Yi?” knowing full well the answer. She knows already. She knows the answer is yes. She wouldn’t be crying if she didn’t know his feelings for Jian Yi were mutual. Xiao Hui is crying because she is heartbroken — the guy she likes and is clearly still not over yet already has strong romantic feelings for someone else, for her it’s like a knife twisting inside her, to know that the suspicions she has been having were true. But we can also see that she is also smiling when she asks if its Jian Yi, because ultimately I think she does want happiness for the person she likes even if its not with her; just like when Zheng Xi rejected her, he still wished that someday he hoped she would find someone to make her happy even though he admitted the person for her would not be him. Her smile also seems to be a way to provide support for Zheng Xi, whether intentionally or not, and show that she is okay with it (him having feelings for another man, even though she had said those terrible things to Jian Yi back then).

Zhan Zheng Xi grins just ever so softly at this question. He is grinning at the thought of Jian Yi and his feelings for him. Zheng Xi’s “嗯” = ”en” “hng” “mm” is a very simple affirmation. Zheng Xi doesn’t say an explicit yes but the meaning is still there. He then continues to try and attempt to describe his deep feelings for Jian Yi.

[off topic: can you hear me screeching happily in the distance? now back on track] Zhan Zheng Xi emphasizes that Jian Yi is someone important, very important to him. It has always been obvious with his actions, but here we actually hear in Zheng Xi’s own words how significant Jian Yi is to him. This is probably the first instance in which we hear how he truly feels about Jian Yi, we’ve heard other semi-confessions like the “I want to be a grown up faster, become stronger so that I can protect you” but this one is different… especially given that its one he addresses after being directly asked if he has feelings for Jian Yi. Jian Yi has always been the most important person in his life, which isn’t to say that Zhan Zheng Xi doesn’t have other people important in his life (like his family) but Jian Yi more so, there is something about Jian Yi that just can’t be touched. No one can reach the level of significance and importance of Jian Yi to him. Which is why he calls Jian Yi irreplaceable. No one will ever touch his heart and soul like Jian Yi has. They have so much history, they are so far gone for one another, their feelings for the other is overwhelming. Jian Yi will always been his one true love. His one true soulmate.. reminds me a lot of when Old Xian created the illustration with the words “一生一世/for eternity/for life” printed on their shirts. No one can replace Jian Yi. Let how deep that is sink in. No one. Zhanyi’s feelings are mutual and Zheng Xi is finally starting to realize his. This development is so wonderful.

‪It’s year of the pig. Let’s find little pig together! #outlast #chriswalker ‬

Loki looking for his Mobius

*fire alarm goes off in hogwarts*

slytherins: *dances to the beat of the alarm*

snape: EVACUATE YOU LITTLE SHITS

All-Hanshin & Kyojin Risa and Otani, requested by a lovely anon !!

Eddie: What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?

Waylon: Well…

Eddie: By tearing a hole through his stomach and ribcage. Yes, definitely.

Waylon: Eddie, just stop.

it was about time that Miles show up, and yeah he is pretty angry. And he has a couple of reasons to be mad. The good thing is that he can say fuck you x4

And Eddie received a little of what he gives

THANK YOU AVPM FOR GIVING ME MY LIFE

his little “boo” 🥺

So wait...

A “simple” spy is someone who works for the enemy. This is Snape as a Death Eater trying to spy on Dumbledore.

A double agent is someone who seems to work for the enemy but is actually betraying them with them thinking the spy is loyal. That’s Snape during the 1st Wizarding War, betraying Voldemort and working for Dumbledore.

A deep-cover agent is a person who still works as a spy, for a prolonged period of time (months or years), infiltrating the enemy and taking posts of responsibility and importance in the war, gathering precious information while cutting off all communication with his side of the war until they are “woken up”. That’s what Voldemort thought Snape was doing in becoming a member of the Order, a Potions Professor and Dumbledore’s (fake, but in reality not fake) spy, only to reveal himself as a true Death Eater after all.

A triple agent is someone who acts as if they betray the enemy but who’s really working for them, making the target believe a (false) tale of betrayal. That’s what Voldemort believes about his spy after his resurrection, when Snape tells him he’s “spun a tale of deepest remorse” to Dumbledore.

A quadruple (?)/fourth-time agent is someone who says that they faked a betrayal to the enemy but who’s really betraying them: they’re “faking a tale of false betrayal to the enemy”. That’s Snape who did betray Voldemort and made him think he convinced Dumbledore of a betrayal that was fake... although it was not.

Dammit Snape that’s a lot 😰