Strongshape - Mishmash

Some days it feels like you're not improving at all, no matter how hard and how long you try. And this could be with anything, a new hobby you're trying, new habits you try to maintain or maybe lessons you're trying to learn yourself. Even if it feels like you're not going forward, even if it feels like you're never going to be better, remember when you first started and why. Remember the first day you tried and try to imagine how far you've come already. Its okay if your progress with certain things seems to go slow, progress will always be progress. From here on, you can only grow and do better. No matter how slow, no matter how small the change.

Connecting the dots between generational trauma. There were some things my dad didn’t know that I knew about what led to complex family dynamics and emotions I didn’t understand until I was in my early 20s. One of my uncles shared the history not long before he unexpectedly passed.

Dad’s dad made a choice (well, several choices) that leaves a forever impression on any kid that learns a parent was dishonest and that’s why there are now two separate households and holidays. This might explain why my dad struggled to navigate fatherhood, on top of only being 18. It was a few years from my parents’ divorce before he decided to give it a real try. I’ll never know exactly what my great-grandma said to him to change his mind about signing away his parental rights.

He didn’t know what he didn’t know. Some family members have found that hard to believe, but I think their experience clouds their understanding and nothing now could change that. It’s unknowable to them and I’m not responsible for trying to make them understand.

I forgive him.

Franz Kafka — Letters to Felice (1912-1917)

you have to admit there are some joys in life that can only be felt due to hardship. a common example is steaming hot showers. it takes a cold day, or a sickness, for someone to experience the joy of a hot shower. you can’t enjoy it in the heat. then there’s the joy of a fulfilling sleep, often achieved through a tiring day. and there’s the joy of a reunion, achieved through separation. and there are many more examples. sometimes difficulty carries a special range of joys and that’s something to be thankful about.

You don't have to force yourself to bounce back so quickly. I read something recently that said "when you come in from a rainstorm, you don't expect yourself to be dry and warm right away", and it really resonated with me. It's okay to take time to dry off and warm up. Take the time you need to process what happened to you.

“Don’t be so thirsty for opportunity that you drink from every cup that is handed to you. That’s how you get poisoned.”

— Quotes ‘nd ntes

Morgan Harper Nichols