Chat...my Mom Just Sold Me To One Direction...ill Miss Yall

IF PETER PARKER HAD A TWITTER ACCOUNT

This is what imagine he will tweet

Yep I know I need jesus

I’m just gunna go now

Robert Pattinson’s casting as Batman

I think he’s perfect for the role, but if you don’t, just shut the fuck up about his body.

He’s had body issues forever since he was being constantly picked-apart by Twilight fans. Here’s a quote from one of his interviews:

“Body dysmorphia, overall tremendous anxiety. I suppose it’s because of these tremendous insecurities that I never found a way to become egotistical. I don’t have a six-pack and I hate going to the gym. I’ve been like that my whole life. I never want to take my shirt off. I’d prefer to get drunk.”

He has also said that he was never even going to try to get a six pack. And yet.

Over the past year, Robert has been spotted working out religiously. He’s doing what he hates most, what gives him horrible anxiety, all for a role he’s probably always dreamed of. And you people are still out here trying to verbally abuse him and critique his appearance. It’s like 2007 all over again.

If you honestly think he’s not a good choice, fine, but leave his body out of it. Body-shaming men is just as bad as body-shaming women and it’s just fucked up that he has to go through all this all over again.

The amount of times this has happened is funny

reader who wears a fake engagement ring so men don’t approach you, but character doesn’t notice it. not like it matters, since the two of you get into a semi heated argument at the bar + he suggests, half as a joke, why don’t yall just fuck it out and come to an agreement. you hold up your hand and say “im married!!!” and without a missing a beat, he tells you, “your husband must not love you if that’s the ring he got you.”

turns out, character is as rich as he is annoying (which is to say, very very very very much so) & it’s just your luck that your work forces you to be in close proximity to him. if he sees you lifting anything heavy, he’ll ask you with mock sympathy “does your husband know they have you doing manual labor?” (but even more annoying… he’ll carry the stuff for you 🤭)

and then one day you lose the ring and he notices immediately and you would have thought christmas came early. “trouble in paradise?” he’ll ask you, hoping to hear abt ur divorce.

“getting the ring cleaned.” you lie, and you can smell the disappointment coming off of him. he’ll ask the people close to you “so anyway what does her husband even do?” and one of your slow on the uptake coworkers/friends goes “[name]? she doesn’t have a husband……”

oh. well now character is going to have a blast next time he sees you.

Based on this squad pose by @queencookiemonster123

Bonus:

*when basically all the other original avengers are dead but you survive and get confirmed for another solo movie*

big fan of the “I can’t fix him but I can follow him to his tragic and untimely end and love him even as he becomes corrupted and decays into a shadow of his former self” trope

And In this corner coming in at 200 lbs Grayson Morherfucking Dolan has entered the chat to shut this shit down

versus