JFC TURN ON THE AUDIO BUT TURN DOWN YOUR VOLUME IF YOU HAVE HEADPHONES ON

Omg

Today, I fucked up... by finding a bag of weed on the ground

I live in a small midwest college town so used rubbers, beer cans, and puddles of vomit on the sidewalks are all everyday encounters. But today I was walking down the main party street coming back from playing frisbee with my dog. I’m standing on the corner waiting to cross the street, looking back and forth, when I spot it. Laying on the ground in a cornered off plastic sandwich bag was what had to be at least an eighth of weed. It’s a Saturday afternoon and there are people fucking everywhere. Socially awkward as I am, I figure I can’t just bend down and pick it up for fear of someone seeing me. Luckily I have this dog leash that has a poop bag dispenser built in so I’m like, yeah just pick it up and put it in the non-see-through poop bag. So I do, and I cross the street. I walk for a minute I’m still 10 blocks away from my apartment but off of the main party street and my curiosity starts to get the best of me. I glance around and don’t think anyone is paying attention to me. I reach into the poop bag and open the internal bag of “shit” to check the quality of the goods. Part of me says the price is right so what do you care? But caught up in the moment, and blinded by the concept of free weed; I reach my hand in just to cop a feel of a nug and then foolishly brought the compound bag to my face for a quick sniff. As my nostrils flooded with the smell of sweet cheeba my eyes and ears filled with the sights and sounds of some dude yelling from his deck at me, with at least 20 people around him, “I JUST WATCHED THAT FUCKIN’ GUY FINGER FUCK THAT BAG OF DOG SHIT AND SMELL IT!” My fantasy world came crashing down around me in an instant and the only thing I could think to say was, “ baaaAAHHH…IT’S GOOD SHIT!” Then proceeded to run home and attempted to wipe my short-term memory with free shit-bag weed. Needless to say I’ll never walk down that street again.

by NotVeryMagicMike

Government Secret #433

notes aren’t real

JFC why didn't you guys just write the books like holy fucking shit

So I was rereading Harry Potter, when I came across this and thought- what if instead of Cedric Diggory, Cassius Warrington had been chosen to compete in the Triwizard Tournament?

Imagine Dumbledore calling out the name of the Hogwarts champion and it isn’t a Gryffindor, or a Ravenclaw, or even a Hufflepuff, but it’s a Slytherin. A student from a House most people hate.

Imagine Cassius Warrington getting up, and three out of four Houses are booing at him and shouting things like “NO!” or, “We can’t have a Slytherin champion!” or demanding a retry. But he’s a Slytherin- he’s been dealing with this shit since he got sorted, so he keeps his head high and joins the other champions.

Imagine Harry trying to catch Warrington alone because he doesn’t really want to associate with Slytherins (plus Malfoy has this tendency of being around the guy ALL THE TIME since he got chosen), but at the same time he’s also fair enough not to want him to walk into the first task unprepared.

Imagine Warrington walking over to Harry a few months later, and Ron and Hermione both jump into a protective stance, wands out, but instead of attacking Harry he just tells him to stick the egg underwater. (Because Slytherins don’t forget those who helped them out).

Imagine Warrington and Harry helping each other out in the labyrinth.

Imagine Harry being devastated when Peter kills Warrington- because Voldemort doesn’t care what house they’re form, a spare is a spare.

Imagine the uproar that causes among the Slytherins, because some of their parents really are Death Eaters and they know what really happened.

Imagine Slytherins fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts and shouting “This is for Cassius!”

Update its all good I'm just retarded

OLDER SASUKE IS SO HOT, I MEAN, HE IS A MIX OF ITACHI AND MADARA, MADE BY GOD'S HANDS.

me: wow this site is so glitchy but at least it cant get any worse

tumblr staff:

You tried

Have you guys heard about Schrodinger’s cat? Schrodinger, a German psychologist, put a cat inside a box with a small hole at the top. At mealtime, Schrodinger first rang a bell and then fed the cat some fish through the hole. Eventually, the cat presumably began to drool and soak the box after the bell rang, simply because it had been conditioned to know food was coming. However, since Schrodinger was unable to see into the box, he had to conclude that there was a chance the cat might not even be alive and that the box itself was drooling.

Shit I never do these but I have to in this case

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

Dying

If This Isn’t The Perfect Metaphor For Life, I Don’t Know What Is (Source: http://ift.tt/1G3c6Aa)

NEW SONGS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Bring Me The Horizon - Throne (x)