You Say Goodnight To Me As Though Singing A Song Against My Earlobe Whispering A Melodic Prayer Beating

"Please stay" He begged and started to cry I gathered my things "Please just try"

I couldn't be his Not anyone's I've tried this before More than once

"I love you" He told me at the door I said nothing back What would hurt more?

I drove away And missed all his calls I wished I'd felt something Anything at all

"You'll never see me again" He threatened But his words were a gift Not a weapon

Moonlight, moonlight You are so much kinder to me Than your lover sun Who is so demanding As to burn.

You, the brightest one Who watches over us Whispering, "do not be afraid," You, who makes the dark A bedroom.

Moonlight, moonlight Caretaker of the earth Giver of sweetest dreams, I keep you with me in the day As thoughts.

Love and hate coexist together In one person A continuous fluctuation between Sympathy and disgust I want to ruin her I want to hold her head under water And watch her squirm

So I can drag her out Give her mouth to mouth Cradle her gasping body in my arms While I scream at her for being stupid Spitting and wiping my lips That were tainted from saving her

I hate her and I love her I hate to love her, never the opposite Never have I hated a person before And I have no reason to hate her More so I hate our transgressions I hate the wrongness we shared And the shame of it all

My hate is usually dulled to apathy The forgetting It absolves me, that forgetting It takes the two emotions and washes Them away I cannot feel one without the other

The bones in my legs Are no bones at all They are leaden and heavy And it took me a long time To accept that I Needed some help just To learn how to stand

You ask me to walk Like it is easy Because everyone with Skin and muscle can do so Because though you may know The lead is not Visible to you And your understanding of me

So when you hang your head When you are short with me And I am trying to move And I am so tired And you are upset What else can I do But resign to apology?

If you could see the sky Turn from black to blue To pink to orange each Early morning as I do

Then you might also Believe there is a magic In the air or on the leaves In a web a spider weaves

I'll lend my eyes to you So you might glimpse Divinity on the horizon And never need any proof

A small zen garden Sits on the therapist's desk To calm both of us

Owl music is playing on low tonight Predators, I think, are soft spoken I whistle back, it's not the right tone Owls don't whistle and I don't hoot They don't pay me any mind Don't acknowledge failed harmony Who are you speaking to? I am asking them via my chirping No fluttering, no rustling The owl music sounds further away Don't stop completely, don't stop Who is out there tonight? Who is calling me? I want to be called Like an owl, quietly and discreetly Invisible yet something to be feared

This goodbye is so Conflicting I am heartbroken I am torn It is so difficult To think of you Leaving my life And yet it's so easy To wish you well

I am not a fly on your wall I am an angel with wings I watch you sleeping in your bed Together Then cover you in my feathers

I am not a ghost in your house I am a creature in the sky That can never fly away from you But devour I taste you in the darkest hour

The wings came bleeding out my back Carving open hardened scars The air returning to my lungs I am awake In slumber I am yours to take

Your absence is loud As if the air were screaming To me that you're gone