PRAYING TO THAT ONE AVATRICE VOTER I AM READY TO LEAVE CRACKERS IN A SUMMONING CIRCLE PLEASE COME IN

the 3.5mm headphone jack was the wound through which light entered your phone it was a little cave for angels to live in inside your phone and big tech got rid of it cause theyre scared of God the wrong way

SAY NICE THINGS TO PPL

losing my shit over this

when you find a fanfic writer whose work just sings to you… i would read anything you write…. i would wade into a tag no matter how deranged… i would travel to the ends of the earth for you if only to soothe your little oyster shell just so you would be comfortable enough to make another pearl whenever you felt like it … i would love you tenderly and support you as you carefully place every grain of sand onto your little castle, regardless of how long it takes, if only to enjoy your words just a little longer

need a full body massage a margarita 400mg of ibuprofen a plate of brownies at least an hour in a jacuzzi and 20,000 dollars cash

Things that leveled me up as a Dyke Pt. 2

When I had dyke sex in the parking lot of the fire and brimstone church I grew up in

When a girl drew protective sigils on my arm for weeks after she overheard me tearing apart her old roommate for saying transphobic shit about her

When the sleep study doctor told me I have a medically large tongue and my wife shouted "I KNEW IT"

When the butch at the hardware store told me the shelf cutting machine broke and we spent 20min cutting shelves with bolt cutters for my wife's closet.

At the RenFaire, my wife tried the knife throwing but couldn't get it, then got huffy when I told her how to do it. She handed me the last knife and told me it's not that easy. I did not tell her I threw knives a lot as a kid, so with all her bags and jewelry balanced in one arm, I flipped the knife a couple times and sunk it into the wooden target guy. Felt like a damn hallmark movie and I loved it.

When an Aussie woman in a hotel lobby asked me to please please keep talking because she was fascinated by my american southern accent. I called her darlin and she blushed.

When my wife's grandfather was fine with her being a lesbian largely because I was such a big help with the cattle

When I moved an iron bedframe into the garden for my wife's coworker and she asked how long we'd been together. The answer was that morning. We'd been going steady for about an hour.

When I taught my wife how to waltz

hey op,

WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS INCREDIBLE

Made an arcane fan animation hehe

its miserable having online friends i would help you clean and paint your room and fold your laundry and move furniture and cook mostly edible food for you and generally do tasks for you and drink with you and smoke with you and go on walks with you and see you smile when i make you laugh. but the distance

I PULLED MY PHONE OUT OF MY POCKET BUT THERE WAS A RECEIPT THERE SO IT PULLED OUT A RECEIPT WITH IT AND THE RECEIPT FLEW INTO THE TOILET