We’re Actually Having A Debate Up In This Household

Chapter 28

Word count : 1k

I’m sorry that is so short but this is a smutty chapter and I’m not very good at writing smut I can read it all the time but I’ve never written it before I’m sorry if it’s not that good but here it is

So warning is smut and swearing ig

Mattys POV

“Now Matty , if your wearing a shirt , take it off for me and take a picture and send it to me” , so I did I pulled my shift off over my head and throw it down next to me on the bed , I momentarily take my phone away from my ear and take a picture of myself chest exposed and my hand splayed across it , after I send it off to George. “Wow your so beautiful Matty honestly”

“Thank darlin, how about you send me something too ?, I need to see you too” , with the anticipation of it can myself hardening in my jeans and I loosen my button on my jeans just so there easier to take off later and slide my hand over my body a few times, I message comes through not to long after and it’s from George again in pretty much the same layout as me laying with his chest exposed seeing the picture makes me whine a little “fuck your so pretty George” , at this I decide to put my phone on speaker and lay it next to me so I have both hands free. “Put your phone on speaker darlin it’ll be easier for you”

“I have , my love don’t worry, now how are you feeling , are you sure you wanna do this?”

“George darlin , I love that your asking but seriously, I really just need to do this”, I begin to push my jeans down my thighs stopping at my knees, and my hands travel back up to my boxers “Can I touch myself”

“Go ahead my love but tell me how you’d like me to do it if it where me okay?”

“I can do that” , I then bring my hand down , sliding it down my body till I get to my waist band and pull my boxers down too “first off I’d just ask you to tease a little bit I guess, just wind me up apparently which is weird I suppose” , my hand travels to wraps itself around me and I start to slowly rub myself as I describe what I’d like George to do “then uh then I’d ask you to actually touch me because a man can’t hold off forever can they” , I hear a small gasp from his side and it drives me a little crazy and I let out a sigh of content as I continue

“Then what my love”, he’s a little breathy already and it’s really setting me off. Little moans and sighs from his end up making my hand go faster and I moan a few times myself embarrassingly high may I add.

“Then em …maybe I’d start slowly undressing you while your touching me , then I’d wrap my hands around you too so not to be selfish ay , cuz I’d wanna see it too”

“Would you like to see it again ??”

“God yeh” , I have to see him all of him honestly I don’t know what I’d do if he was just here in front of me I’d turn into such a fucking horny 15 year old boy that I don’t look like that right now but Jesus “can I please?”

“How would you like to see it love”

“Can we switch to face time”, I feel myself unravelling at the thought of just seeing him all layed out pleasuring himself infront of me. “Only if you want too of course”

“Shit….yeh I want too” , my screen suddenly pops up as a FaceTime and I accept it and try to set it up so he can see me fully and seeing his face even in this situation just makes me smile “heya love I missed your face”

“Me too darlin me too” my hand stilled for a second so I could just look at him and admire him “your so fuckin handsome George seriously”

“Ahhh…no…nghhh…that’s you” , I can see he’s still going to my hand goes back to what it was doing and I start pumping myself faster as I watch him and I start speaking to him better this feels better

“What would you like me do argh… to you …shit …right now” , I can see him thinking off what he’d like to do and his eyes roll into the back of his head and his back rises of the bed as he groans which in turn makes me moan again.

“Jesus fuck Matty…I really…oh uh…I really wan t you too ….nghh…suck me off” , that was it for both us I could feel the not in my stomach start to pull and I was about to cum

“George I’m gunna…arghh…cum …tell me I can…let me cum” , I try to hold off until he says I can because I like when I get permission and the praise afterwards from being good is just amazing.

“Go ahead love let me see you let go”, and that’s when I release all over my hand and my stomach and at the moment I can hear him let out a stomach churning moans and I just catch him as he do releases all over himself. I’m sweating and my breathing is ragged , he looks just as fucked out as I am. We both take some time to come back to reality just breathing with each other. “That was…that was amazing oh my god “

“You can say that again , gimmie a second I’m just going to clean up”

“Me too”

We both chuckle a little as we go to clean up, I dampen a cloth and wipe myself clean of everything and smile to myself that was great. I haven’t been with someone in a while but even that beats anything I’ve done with anyone. That just felt different. I make my way back to my room as I redress pulling up jeans and putting my shift back in that I’d dropped in the bed and get myself comfy back in the bed and wait for George, he comes back not to long after he too is also dressed and his hair is tied up again and he looks so precious “Hey there handsome”

“Hi , can I say that was the best thing I’ve ever done”

let's keep this discussion going because I'm really enjoying it 👀

Heart out Chapter 35

Warnings : , smut , talking about adhd, edging , sub!Matty . dom!George , sweetness , mention of injury and alcohol

This chapter is cute there’s a lot of George and Matty , Matty and Louis brotherly love , George bonds with Louis too and it’s so fluffy in parts

8k words

George’s POV

I woke up the next morning to the sun shining through the curtains, and the house rumbling with life. I rubbed my eyes as I adjusted to the light. I heard a slight groan come from the corner of the room and it was at this moment I realised Matty wasn't beside me and his side of the bed was cold indicating he had left a while ago

"Mattee?", as I sat up , I noticed Matty was in the corner huddled over his desk legs criss-crossed together on the chair, his left hand was wracking through his hair pulling it quite hard and in his right hand was a pen and a cig. "Matty you okay!" , I spoke a bit louder this time so he could hear me , It was slightly stifled by a yawn though

Matty span round on his chair and made eye contact with me, "good morning sleepy-head , how did you sleep?" , he dropped his pen on the table , and took a long drag of his cig.

"I slept great , what time is it?" , as I woke up a little more I noticed that he was dressed and looked like he'd showered.

"It's 9 darling , still fairly early, you can go back to sleep if your still tired" , he span back around to his desk and continued on with what it was he was doing.

"When did you wake up?", I flipped his cover off of my legs , swung them over the side of the bed, made my way over to him and flung my arms around him. "Come back to bed love"

He melted into my hug , "I woke up at 6, I wasn't feeling to great , I tried to get back to sleep for like an hour but it just didn't happen , so I thought a shower would help me feel better then decided to get on with some studying while you slept", he motioned toward the maths revision in-front of him. "But I'm just irritating myself doing this" .

I pulled him even closer to me as much as I could considering the chair being in the way and kissed his temple burying my head in his neck, "what's wrong my love, why aren't you feeling good?"

I felt him shrug as I held him. "Just a bit jittery I think, and my stomach is falling out arse for some reason"

"Are you anxious about something ?!"

He looked up at me then after pushing his revision sheets out of the way. "I think I'm just shittin it for my GCSEs , like I don't even want to do them anymore, what's the point", he went to pick up the revision papers again "like look at this what the fuck does this even mean, I've been studying this for three years and I'm still none the fuckin wiser..."

"Matty it's okay, let's lay down for a bit okay, just talk for a bit tell me what's going on in your head", I took his hand and helped him spin the chair round and led him back to the bed. "lie your head on my chest and just listen to my heart, it'll calm you down"

We laid down, myself against the headboard and Matty on my chest, I pulled him close to me and played with his hair at the nape of his neck. " Tell me what you need, what will  calm you down?"

"Seriously , I just don't wanna do my GCSE's anymore darlin". His hair was tickling the bottom of my chin as he was slightly shaking his head and his grip on me grew tighter. "I'm just terrified that I'm going to fail, and studying is supposed to help but it's doing the opposite it's messing with me head", his breath starts coming out hallowed and deep like he's trying to hold of from crying. "I just can't do it George"

"Baby...can you look at me for a second?", I placed my fingers under his chin to guide his face to look at me then swiped my thumb over his cheek to catch the slowly falling falling tears. "I promise everything will work out okay?, Would you like my help?, we can have a J and then bring your paper over to me and I'll help you through it , does that sound okay?"

He sniffles and wiped his face over with the sleeve of his hoodie, "are you sure, I don't want you to be bored"

"I wanna help you love , I don't want you to be upset about it" . I leaned over him to pick up my cigarettes from the bedside table that I had left there last night and pulled out a joint each from the packet "Here take this", I handed Matty one and leaned back over to grab my lighter , the joint was between his lips, I went to go light it for him but his hand came up and stopped me

"Gotta climb up on the windowsill and smoke out the window darlin" , I came out mumbled with the joint still in his mouth but I picked up what he said. I let Matty get up and climbed up into the windowsill and pulled him up carefully. He was situated between my legs with his back on my chest just like last night , the window was already open. So I flicked the flint to spark the flame and watched as Matty took a drag to ignight the ember. And did the same for mine. "Let this relax you yeh?, did you have any plans for today ey ?"

He relaxed back into the me properly as he lets the weed flow through him, "Eh , I think we might be going to Ross' tonight for drinks , end of year drinks you know , but don't tell my mum that it's drinks she won't be happy"

"Is that really a good idea though if your not feeling great ?," I took a drag of my joint as Matty exhaled and rolled his head onto my shoulder looking at me like I just said to most outrageous thing ever. "What !".

"I'll be fine by then and besides if I do ,it might help, might just , I don't know might clear my head, joints just make my body relax but alcohol will clear my head you know?"

"We'll then , if we go can you promise that we'll eat before we go, so you don't get sick, and if you need to go tell me , if you do feel like your gunna get sick let me know okay?"

"Okay", as we finished our joints we flick the ends out the window and Matty straddles my lap facing me. "George ?"

"Yeh love?", my hands find his waist playing with the pattern of the joggers.

"Why am I like this?"

"Like what , love?" , Matty hugs himself to me as he finds the right words to say, I can feel his tears dripping onto my skin when he began to cry again

"Just emotional all the time , if I'm not angry, all I wanna do is cry or I'm panicking and anxious about stuff, I'm only ever happy when your there, how insane is that , I can't even make myself happy"

"It's difficult sometimes to regulate moods you know, and having all the diagnosis that you have it's going to be even harder for you to regulate yours, and that's why you need meds to help it, and I'll do my best too, you know that right?" , I slide my fingers through his hair twirling the strands through my fingers and tugging ever so gently.

"I don't want to have to rely on medication George, I just wanna be normal, I wanna fell like other people, just safe in there head and just I don't know , good", as I'm tugging on his hair I can hear him sigh against me, his breath hot against my chest. "Baby...."

"You are normal Matty , you're your normal , I wouldn't have you any other way", I stop tugging his hair and lift his chin up with a finger curled under it "yeh?"

Matty take my other hand that's not under his chin and puts it back to his hair, "I like it when you do that"

"Like it when I do what", I asked playing innocent because I knew what he meant.

"I like it when you play with my hair darlin, maybe a bit too much" , he leans forward and connects our lips together both of my hands end up in his hair light scratching his scalp with one and pulling his hair with the other and I swallow his moans in my mouth. "Darlin...I can't be giving the neighbours a show right now". As we pull away from each other I pull his curtain closed part way so we're out of sight.

"Is that better love?", Matty nodded and leaned back in for another kiss being more forceful this time, not in a bad way , just more passionate. He grinded himself against me and we both moaned into each others mouths again, Matty's lips then trailed down to my neck nipping on the sweep spot. My hands found his waist again tugging on the bottom of his hoodie asking for permission to take it off "Go ahead Darlin". I pulled it over his head gently as he pulled away a little bit and I threw it on the floor.

"What do you wanna do Matty?", my hands trailed up and down his chest slowly, taking in everything, every freckle and mole, watching how his breath hitches everytime my hands slide lower. "Tell me love".

"I just need you to touch me Darlin, I don't mind how, I just need you" , his cheeks where pink with blush and his chocolate brown eyes had blown wide.

My right hand slipped down his chest past his stomach and pulled at the front of his jogger as I slipped into his trousers slowly starting to pump him as my left hand tangled itself back in his hair. "Like this love", both hands where he liked them, I swiped my thumb over the head of his dick and I continued to jerk him off, he rolled his head forward as it connected with my shoulder.

"Yeh...just like that darlin...thank you", I could feel him thrust into my hand as I pumped him faster. "Arghh...that feels so fuckin good". I pulled him back up to kiss me as I continued my movement, I slipped my tongue in his mouth tasting the cigarettes and weed that we'd just smoked. His thrusting got faster and but more relaxed and he grunted into my mouth the sound sending arousal right through me. "Darlin...can you..can you give me ...head ...please", the sentence punctuated with gasps every time he thrusted forward.

"Anything for you handsome, but you have to stay quiet okay don't want anyone to hear , yeh ?" , Matty nodded but I stopped the movement of my hand. "I need you to say it love"

"I will, I'll be quiet I promise , just please, I just need it, It'll help, I just need you to shut my brain up", An idea popped into my head just then not really sure if it'll work , I've heard this kind of stuff helps others just lose themselves so , I just tell myself we can try it but if he doesn't want it I'll stop.

"Love ?, can we try something , something I've heard that helps others ?"

"Okay , what is it ?"

"It's a surprise, just let me know if you need to stop , and tell me when you need to cum , can you do that"

"Yes ,yes , I can", he nodded enthusiastically at me .

"Jump down then , on the bed , strip down , but don't even think about touching yourself okay", as he jumped down from the windowsill I could see him watching me with a slight glint in his eye.

"What happens if I do touch myself" , I couldn't help the way my head just snapped up to look at him and the way my dick twitched in my trousers.

"Don't , or I'll have to stop you some other way" , that sounded strange coming from my own mouth but I've gotta play the part right and it's what he needs right now. I watched Matty strip down to his boxers from the windowsill. "And the rest" , he removed his boxers to and his dick sprang back against his stomach and I just sat in awe for a minute before I snapped back to myself. "Your so gorgeous Matty , standing there all pretty for me, but I need you to lie down" , and so he does , he lays down on the bed just waiting for me. I slipped down from the windowsill and skulked to the end of the bed just watching him.

"What now Darlin?", At that I set myself on the bed my knees either side of Matty's and my hands started roaming his body.

"Right I've got some rules now okay, first of all , if you get uncomfortable or want to stop, tell me straight away please , don't cum until I say or you'll be punished , stay quiet for me , if I say something please follow the instructions and lastly if I ask you a question you have to answer with your words , can you do that for me love?", Matty nodded with a shit-eating grin on his face already trying to be a little brat

"What did I just say Matty?"

"To answer you if you spoke" , my hand trailed down his body again and took hold of his dick again and I pumped him slowly a couple of times

"So , I'll try again, can you do that for me"

"Yes....yes....I can do that", Matty groaned as my hand got faster and his back arched off the bed. I leaned forward and kissed him passionately on the lips exploring the inside of his mouth with my tongue, I stopped my hand for a second, every so often just jerking him off and stopping, teasing him slightly. "George please don't tease ....I swear...I can't"

"Oh, I haven't even started yet my love", I kissed down his body , from his neck, across his shoulder occasionally leaving bruises , over to his chest, Matty was squirming under me, I eventually made my way down to his dick and licked at the head, it was bright red at this point.

———————————-x—x—————————————

"George ...George ....Darlin I can't....I can't do it anymore.....please" , we'd been at it for mostly ten minutes, I'd been edging him for a while now, getting him right to the edge of his climax and then stopping whatever it was I was doing to him.

"Do you want me to stop??", I asked around his dick as my mouth was still around it, my hands where running up his thighs that were now trembling.

"No....No...please don't stop....I'll actually die if you stop now....I need to cum now George....I don't think I can control it anymore....I have too" , his dick was twitching in my mouth , his legs trembling , mouth agape , knuckles white from how tightly he was holding onto the sheets. "George seriously please ....I'm gunna cum now...I can't stop it anymore"

I kissed back up his body continuing to leave hickeys and when I got to his face I whispered into his ear. "You can let go now handsome" , My hands found his dick one last time as my lips connected with his again, and just like a snap of an elastic band he came all over his stomach , white ropes all over the place and he moaned into his mouth. "That's it handsome , we'll done"

He lay there just staring at the ceiling when I sat back on my knees, "thank you, thank you , thank you , that helped a lot ...wow", I got up to go get something to clean him up but I felt his hand wrap around my wrist. "Don't leave yet please".

"I need to clean you up love" , although I know he needed to be cleaned up beofre it dried , those puppy dog eyes he was presenting to me right now, made it so hard not to just stay there. "I'll be right back sweetheart I promise"

"Promise?" , the grip that he had on my wrist wasn't that tight and he seemed a little hazy and just dropped it. I kissed his head and tried to fix his hair so it wasn't plastered on his forehead.

"I promise love", I quickly got a wash cloth and a glass of water for him and made my way back placing myself back onto the bed next to him. "Come ere sweetheart , can you drink this for me", I gave him the glass but his body still wasn't cooperating so I helped him sit up against the headboard placing some pillows behind him and helped him hold the glass as he took a drink. "There you go", once I'd placed it back down on the dressing table , I took the wash cloth and cleaned up his stomach . "Where will I put it"

"Just .....just eh...just drop it for now", so I did I just dropped it on the ground but on top of the shirt that he'd discarded ealier so it wasn't directly getting the floor wet, once I'd turned back to him Matty had his arms outstretched for me.

"Do you need a hug love?"

"Yeh , please darlin, I need to be close to you, know your still here" , I layed down next to him and pulled his body right over next to me and wrapped my arms around him tightly. Letting him rest his head on my chest.

"Where am I gunna go love, I'm gunna be here for as long as you need me to be sweetheart, How are you feeling now , how's your head"

"I don't have a single thought up there right now , other than you and that I'm hungry" , I pulled him infinitely closer to me if that was even possible

"Do want me to go make you something" , I feel him shake his head against me and mumble a quiet

"not yet , want to stay here for a while, I think I need to tell you something"

"What is it ?", my hand found his chin again and got him to look at me so I could see his eyes.

"I'm scared , for like when you have to go home, I won't be able to just feel better when I'm feeling how I was if your not here", he stopped talking to look at me properly, as I furrow my eyes brows "sorry that's stupid"

"No , no Matty , I understand what you mean , but even when I'm not here, I'm still going to try to help you the best I can"

"I know, Im sorry, I just feel like it's going to be a-lot harder to do it but , I'm glad I have you, I think I might love you"

I paused for a second as I heard the words leave his mouth , a did he his eyes grew wide as he also realised. "Matty , my love , I love you too"

Just at that we heard a knock on the door "Matthew are you boys decent" , Shit that's Tim we both scramble to get under the covers before Matty calls him in. He does come in tentatively blocking his eyes as well

"Dad it's fine where covered up, what do you need"

"Your Mum and I are on our way out and Loiue doesn't want to come with us so would you boys be able to look after him for an hour or so , you don't have any plans do you ?" , we both agreed in unison and said that it was all good we didn't have anything to do til later. He took a small look around the room , smiled and thanked us before he left.

"We should get dressed then handsome , come on, I'll help you if you need" , Matty nodded but neither of us made any attempt to move for at least another five minutes. He got up and pulled his boxers back on, and I crawled over the bed "hand me your jumper gorgeus" , He handed it over to me before pulling his joggers back on. "Arms up", I slid the jumper over his head and booped him on the nose . "You can pick my outfit out if you like".

This causes Matty to squeal and clap his hands in excitement "yes I'd love to", he runs over to my suitcase pulling out some clean boxers and a pair of blue Tommy Hilfiger jeans, a black t-shirt, placed them on the bed and then goes to the chair that had his jumpers on and picked up the blue Nike jumper that he'd given me "there I think this will work, anything would work on your really but here, I'm going to go downstairs say goodbye Mum and Dad , make us all some breakfast and I'll let you shower" , I kissed him one more time before we parted ways.

————————————x—x——————————-

Matty's POV

I gave George a towel before I went down , he should be in the shower now though , my Mum and Dad where getting there coats on getting ready to leave so I ran over to them and gave them a quick hug goodbye. My mum reminded my that if where inside that to try not smoke when Louis is around but we can take him to the park or we can have a smoke if we go outside so long as one of us is inside just the usual that she always says. I let her know that it's all going to be fine and she needs to worry less but just before they leave my dad reminds me to take my meds which to be honest had forgotten but I'll take them after breakfast. After they'd left I'd decide to make some beans on toast for everyone just as I'm doing that Loiue comes running into the kitchen already dressed carrying a million different toys in his arms "Maffu , you and George can play wif me today right since. Mummy and Daddy are busy?, right!", I turn around from the oven just in time because as I do I watch him drop all the toys onto the floor without a care in the world "I have all these toys to play wif"

"Kid you have to be careful with those , don't wanna break them do we", I walk over to him and lift him up so he's sat on my hips with his arms around my neck. "Do you want to sit down at the breakfast bar and watch Maffu make breakfast then when George is finished in the shower you can show him all your cool toys and we can have breakfast" , he nods at the as I place him down on a still at the breakfast bar. "Be careful remember"

"I remember, you fell off of this one time didn't you"

"When did that happen kid ?", I had fallen off the stools a month or so ago I'd had a few friends over and I had gotten pretty drunk and we were messing about and I leaned to far back and split the front of my head open but , I didn't think he knew about that.

"When you hurt your head , Rosso was here too and big boys and girls and I came down to see if Mummy was down here and I saw you fall off it" , I turned off the stove because I needed to check the he was okay , I would have done it sooner if I knew but now I just feel like an ass , my 7 year old brother shouldn't have had to have seen that. So I went over and sat next to him and played with his hair

"Was it you that got Daddy to help me ?"

"Yeh , Rosso was trying to get you up but you didn't get up , so I went to find Mummy and Daddy , Daddy woke up first and I told him that you where hurt, but Daddy said that I had to go back to bed and I fink he went to help you, I remember that Mummy woke up too cuz there was an ambulance too"

"What brave boy you are for getting dad , we're you scared" , he looked up at me now and he nodded and that's when I pulled him into a hug

"I'm always kind of scared Maffu, your the bestest brother in the whole wide world, and when you get upset or angry I get scared cuz that's when you end up hurt and I don't like that", I couldn't believe what I was hearing this kid is honestly too grown up for his own good and I hate that he understands how I feel because he's only little and shouldn't have to understand. "Like when JayJay went away, you went away too, you were never in the house for ages and I missed you a lot , and then you started getting sick all the time and I'm scared that your gunna go away to like JayJay did"

"Lou , I need you to listen to me very carefully okay, can you look at me for a second" , I loosen my grip on him so he can look up at me with his big hazel eyes. "I promise you that I'm always gunna be here okay , I'm always going to be your big brother, I love you most in the world and when I'm home you know I've got you , right. But I need you not to be scared, not to be worried about me. I know I get angry and I get sad sometimes but I'm doing my best to get better so I don't hurt anymore".

"Can I ask you a question ?"

"You can ask me anything Kiddo" , I pulled him back in for another hug because I just can't bare the fact that I'm the reason he's scared and It's just killing me knowing that if I can't get better for myself I need to get better for him.

"Why are you so sad all the time?, is it cuz JayJay is gone?"

"Thats part of it I guess but there's loss of reasons, sometimes my head just gets to messy sometimes and I can't make it feel good for a while" , I can hear George making his way down the stairs and as I'm holding Louis on my knee I can finally see George leaning against the wall that leads into the kitchen he mouths a quick "everything okay?" , cuz we must look a state, I know I was crying again and Louis wasn't far off. So I shook my head , not really.

"And is that why you get sick" , his little hands come up to him face holding it so where looking at each other. "Do you think maybe I could try to make your head not messy anymore cuz I don't like it when your sick and I just wanna make you better"

"You do help me kiddo , so does Mummy and Daddy and Georgie and Rosso and Jamie and JayJay helped"

"You was sad even when JayJay was around ?, Isn't she your best friend" , God bless him , I know he doesn't understand death very well but it's a times like these I really wish he did understand because then I wouldn't have to have these conversations.

"Yeh even when JayJay was here I was sad sometimes, Maffu just has something wired differently in his brain to some other people but we're fixing it and everyone is doing a great job , but you'll never guess who's here ready to play", I point behind him to George's who's still leaning against the door panel but has his arms wide open because I'm sure he can anticipate that Louie is going to run straight for him.

"Georgie , Hiiiii, come see all my cool toys", Lou climbs careful down from the stool and boulders right into George's leg hugging him tightly then grabs his hand leading him over to his pile of toys on the floor. This gives me a minute to collect myself and get breakfast started again

"Hiya little man , arghh is that a race-car", George pics up a few of the toys and put them onto the kitchen island and lifts Louie onto the stool again. "We should play up here so Matty can make breakfast"

"It's not Mahee it's Maffu" , hearing that makes me giggle , the amount of times I've heard this kid have this conversation because my family have always called me Matthew and kiddo hates it when people call me Matty. I think the only person he really lets do it is Ross.

"Am I not allowed to call him Matty?" , George looks at me with a smile and turns back to Louie and helps him start pretending to race the cars.

"No cuz he's not Mahee, his name is Maffu" , I turned around to watch them play after I'd plated everything up , I'd cut Louis toast into squares and his beans in bowl where as ours where just on plates. I passed them over and we all sat around the breakfast bar

"Hey Lou ?, Can you say MaTThew for me, remember like TTTHHH" , We were trying to teach him how to pronounce his T Hs in words but it was taking a little bit of time.

"That's what I said I said Maffew" , while he was crunching on his toast he was still playing about with his little red cat pretending to drive it up George's arm.

"Try this can you say thinking"

"Thhhh.thinking" , I gave him a high five before shovelling some beans in my mouth.

"That's it , now say Thinking This Through" , I know that's a little harder to say and he won't get it right away

"Thhhhfff...thhhinking , thhhis , fffffthhh frew"

"That's was nearly it kid , clever boy" , I couldn't help but be proud him for trying, I'm always so damn proud of him , "so boys how about when we've finished we have a trip to park".

Louie immediately agreed and George smiled nodding too, finishing the last of his food before going to the sink g and dropping it in "Matty do you want me to wash this ?"

"No darling it's okay , I'll clean them if you go help Louie clean himself up and get his shoes on"

"Sure thing" , Louie jumped down from the bar stool and took George's hand showing him where his bathroom was to help him get cleaned up as I began washing up the dishes and the rest of the kitchen, I'd just about finished the dishes I got a message from George.

"Louie doesn't want me to brush his hair says he wants you to do it" , of course , he rarely even let's my mum do it, I should have thought about that

"I'll be right up just gunna finish this and I'll be up just tell him to be a good boy and wait for two seconds"

I finished up the dishes and dried my hands, making my way up the stairs two at a time to get to the bathroom to help George out, I know how stubborn Lou can be having learnt from the best. "Hey kid, why you not letting Georgie do your hair," , he handed me the brush and sat down on the edge of the bath

"Cuz you do it right no one else does it right like you do"

"How about I show Georgie how to do it then he can try tomorrow?, How's that sound", George said that he'd love to learn because he wants Louie to feel comfortable with him so Louie eventually agreed to let me teach George how to do it.

"Right first I usually just wet it cuz he likes it to look a little wet , then you get the comb and go through the sides so that they look kinda flat right ?, then I get a towel or shirt , whatever I can find and scrunch the front so it's curly and I do the back the same , then you just put some gel and hairspray in it to keep it in the same then voila" , I step back and lift Louie up so he can see in the mirror so he can see and he claps his hands and asks me to put him down. Once I do he runs off to get his jacket. Leaving me with George for a second. He was awkwardly stood in the corner watching us interact "you okay darlin?"

"Yeh , he really loves you doesnt he?" , he pulls me in at the waist and kisses me softly. "What was happening earlier by the way , hope I didn't interrupt anything" , I could feel his breath on my face as he stood close to me talking to me.

"Nothing , We were just talking about stuff , I got really shitfaced a couple months ago and he saw me fall of the barstools cuz I was being a prick and split my head open and he was telling me that he was scared that I was pretty much going to die or so he thought" , I pulled George into me so I could hold him close. "But I promised him that I'm not going anywhere , I've got a feeling he might be a bit clingy today but don't worry everything's okay"

"He's your baby brother I'd expect him to be clingy love , I would never be worried about that my littlest sister is clingy all the time when I have people over so I'd expect nothing less."

Louie came running back through wearing his buzz light year hoodie and carrying his buzz and woody toys with him "Can I take buzz and woody with me?", They had his name written on the bottom of there feet just like Andy did in the film.

"Sure you can kid but don't forget them okay?"

"I wouldn't forget them Mathhhhew , there like friends aren't dey" , he put them under one arm and stretched his other arm out, indicating he wanted me to lift him so I lifted him up onto my hips again as we made our way back downstairs George trailing behind smiling at the interactions. After I'd slipped my own shoes on we made our way outside

"Hey kid , do want to bring your bike" , he shook his head under my chin, so I just carried him in one arm and stretched my hand out behind me so George could take my free hand as we walked to the park. Chatting away to each other

—————————-x———————x————————-

"Wanna smoke Darlin", we've been sat the park for about 45 minutes now , Louie found a friend to play with , we're sat on the ground underneath some tree well out of sight, we can still see him though, so it's the perfect time for a fag.

"Yeh go on then love", this is the first free minute we've both had since saying we'd look after Louie so it's a good a time as any to have one.

"You know I love the kid but sometimes I get really overwhelmed and overstimulated looking after him, cuz my senses are all over the place", I take my fag from the packet and light it up in seconds watching as the embers glow under my finger tips.

"Is that an ADHD thing?" , I was sat next to George but was trying to manoeuvres myself into a better position so I could lay my head on his lap

"Is what an ADHD thing?"

"How quickly you can get overwhelmed, like, it's not a bad thing, but I've realised stuff with you, you can go from 0-1000 like dead quick" , as I lay down across his legs his free hand made its way to my hair again.

"Maybe, it's just I feel things a little more intense than people like what you said ealier it's harder for me to regulate feelings , but that's cuz the feelings I have are 10 times stronger", we both took a drag of our cigarettes basking in the peace for a second, the grey smoke making an angelic like halo around us making me feel safe.

"Can you tell me more about it , your ADHD, so I can understand it better, I haven't really spend a lot of time around someone who has it and I just want to do things right for you, what helps you calm down when your frustrated or upset?"

"Compression and force like giving up control really helps, taking control away from me, like someone making a choice for me instead of doing it myself or like if I'm freaking out hold me like really tight with you arms right around my chest, it gets me to focus on breathing and just trying to calm down my dad had to do it a lot when I was younger". I looked up at him then as I spoke so I could gage his reactions but he's just looking at me too and he looked interested, and like he actually wanted to know so I kept going, "that's why earlier when we did what we did , or I should say , when you did what you did, it helped so much really , it took away every single thought was running around in my head , took away my control left me completely under your control that helped so much, I've never had something like that to shut my head up fully other than drugs or alcohol and it felt really good to finally have something good"

"I'm glad it helped , I didn't tell you ay but I uh came too , like a fuckin 14 year old in my boxers because of it like what the fuck is that about", the blush across his face and the smile to match just had me melting at the sight. "So um what like frustrates you most, or what do I need to keep an eye out for like triggers that show your frustrated"

"We'll uh , I can't say I have specific triggers but it really bums me out when people don't try to understand me like , you know, I argue with people very often and I don't mean to they just don't seem to understand where I'm coming from or I can't communicate how I feel properly , that's why school sets me off , the teachers don't always get it and my attention span can go to bollocks really fast if I'm not interested in the class or I don't understand it" , after I'd discarded my cigarette I couldn't help but fiddle with the end of my T-shirt to keep my hands busy so I don't end up flailing them around. "I just feel the need to be constantly stimulated you know , and when I feel myself slipping, that's when I tend to go off the rails a bit like you know , doing something drastic to keep my brain going and a lot of the time I do know it's the wrong thing but I can't help it, and it's when people don't understand that, that's when I'm like well "fuck this then" and I get all hopped up and angsty, but I also frustrate myself too, when I can't concentrate on things that I really want to do or when I get forgetful and all that there's just quite a lot" , George pulled me into a hug and just held me close to him for a second I could feel his heartbeat through out shirts.

"Your amazing you know that right ?, and I'm so proud that you do everything you can to make it through everyday, and I can't sit here and promise I'll get it right for you everytime but what I can promise is that I'll always be here and always help you through stuff. You just have to let me know when your struggling okay !"

"Thank you Darlin , I'll try my best to always keep talking about how I feel" , just as we were finishing up our conversation Louis came running up to us , asking if we could go now because he was getting tired and had to go to the bathroom. He was still grasping onto his toys when he came over but was missing his hoodie. "Where's your jumper Lou?"

"Oh ....uh....I don't know I think it's on the climbing frame, I'll go get it", he passed me over his toys and ran back over the climbing frame to get it and met us half way back. "I don't want to wear it right now, It's to hot"

"Okay kiddo , Do you think it would fit Matthew ?"

"No it's to small for you silly", I carefully put it on , it was like 7 sizes to small but I still got into and I lifte him up in one arm and took George's hand with my free hand again as we made our way home, On the way George whispered in my ear that I look cute wearing a buzz light year hoodie and it made me laugh.

It took us all of ten minutes to get back and Louis was asleep in my arms already so as we go in I had to wake him up because he said had to pee before we left the park "go toilet kiddo then we can all have a nap yeh" , he just nodded and ran off as George and I took our shoes off .

"I'm not tired Matty I only woke up like 3 hours ago, but if you boys need a nap I'll make lunch or something?" , George places his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest so my back was against him and kissed my head.

"Just come sit with us yeh, I'm shattered but I'll still nap a little better if your there"

"Are you sure ?"

"Please ?" , Louis came down stood at the bottom of the stairs watching us cuddle up.

"people kissing is yucky and silly , really silly" , he jumped off the last step and pulled my arm with his on his way to the living room so we could nap , pulling me right out of George's grasp , I mouth a quick "sorry" in his direction but he just smiles at us and follows us through and we all cuddle up on the sofa to peacefully have a nap even if George didn't want one.

——————-x——————-x———————————

It was 3 o’clock by the time I woke up , Louis was running circles round my Dad , which made me realise my parents where back, George was wrapped up around me drifting off but not completely “Hiya Darlin , are you drifting”

“Nuhh”, he pulled me closer to him, “it’s just cozy down here”, and nuzzled his head into my neck “when we going to Ross’ place”

“I don’t know darlin , we can go anytime, Why ?”

“Wanna change, it’s damn hot up in here and I’m sweating like fuck”, he pulled the jumper off and I then could for sure that he was melting and come to think of it, I was too.

“We’ll we can both change and then go over and help set up” , I heard him agree, he got up a couple seconds later taking my hand and dragging me with him to my room. “What you thinking of wearing then darlin!”

He was already rummaging around his suitcase for something. “I brung a shirt with me but I’m not sure it’ll work though”

“Darlin , it’s just a party, you don’t have to be dressed up” , I slide open my wardrobe hunting around for a t-shirt and my red tartan trousers. I found a black polo neck sweater. I saw him pull out the shirt from the suitcase and a different pair of blue jeans. I pulled off my t-shirt to change but I notice George watching me and when I look up to see him and his head snapped back to where he was looking in the first place. “You don’t have to be shy darlin, especially not with me”

“I’m not shy , just don’t wanna be pervy do I, and uh….I don’t wanna uh….get like worked up again, we need to get going don’t we” , I slid over to him carefully and put my arms round his waist and softly kissed his neck

“We don’t have to go right away Darlin….we can take as much time as we need…and beside I wanna make it up to you for ealier”, I heard him groan right next to my ear and I attached myself to his neck again. “Would you like that darling ?….to pay you back for ealier….make you feel good” , his hands took hold on my waist and his head lulled forward into my shoulder

“Mhm” , I pushed him carefully into the bathroom and kicked the door closed behind me, I pushed him up against the door and quickly pushed his jeans down. “Slow down love, you don’t have to rush, come ere” , his hands found my face and pulled me in softly to his plump lips, I slowly slid my hand down his body and my hand found his dick tenting in his pants, I palmed in softly and I heard him groan. “Matty, your hands are magic”

I pulled back from the kiss and began to pull his top off, kissing his neck leaving hickey after hickey a trail all the way down his body till I reached the hair that sat just above his boxer line. “Can I?”, I was on my knees and looking at him through my eyelashes. “Please let me”

“Yes my love, please go ahead” , I pulled his boxers down his legs and licked all the way up his length his hands immediately found my hair gripping tightly, I wrapped my lips around his head and I heard him moan my name, like music to my ear. I began to bop my head around him slowly at fist until his head hit the back of my throat and I slightly gagged around him pulling back a little pulling off with a pop

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to push you that far”

“No darling, I promise it’s fine, you can do it a little harder if you want” , his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he pushed me back to what I was doing my lips wrapped around him and began sucking him off again with more vigour this time my cheeks hollowed out and let him hit the back of my throat a few times before going back to concentrate on the head. The noises I was pulling from him where amazing, his legs buckled a little bit before he pulled on my head. “I’m gunna come Matty, Can I uh….uh” , I know what I was going to say so with a few more licks , and my lips wrapping round him again I nodded moaning around him indicating he could come in my mouth. It took a few more pills and he was moaning and coming down my throat, I swallowed it all and pulled off of him wiping my mouth the back of my hand, leaning back on my heels

“Was that good for you darlin” , he was slumped agains the door, his hand under my chin and his thumb slid over my bottom lip.

“More than satisfactory, my love” , he helped my up, and he threw my arms around him. “Let’s get dressed love before we start anything else”, that made us giggle “I’ll get changed in here so there’s no more funny business ay?”

“Sure thing darlin”, we stood in each others arms for a few more minutes and I felt his lips connect with my forehead and he patted my arse. “Okay okay , I’m going”, I skipped out the door and gave him the clothes he took out before he closed it and we go to changed.

——————x———————-x—————

THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE PARTY

I really felt the need cuz I found my football 😂

This video is so funny to me , other than Matty anytime I show my friends any pictures of the boys she’s always like IS THAT GEORGE cuz I speak about him all the time and I think it’s so funny so I had to do this

@justanamesstuff

Dudes I’m aware it was my birthday on the 20th and you wanted to give me a prezzie BUT I was not in attendance so playing YOU AND ALSO PLAYING ME WHILE IM NOT THERE IS WILD !!!!!

I have to just pass away

// 20.10.23 // Charlotte // You

© @a_girl_called_mel

i was showing my auntie and uncle videos of The 1975 yesterday and my auntie wasn’t to impressed she was like “idk wtf he’s saying , good tunes but dk what he’s saying”, my uncle loves the songs anyway , but then today when it was just me and my uncle my uncle was like “i’m not gay but he is an extremely good looking lad” and i’m just like “YUP BOSS YOU GOT IT, You’ve been hit by the Matty curse” , and then he was like “i just let my feminine side out ig 😂

Chapter 9

Word count :4221

Warnings : school 😂🙄 , slight panic attacks , mention of illness

Matty's POV

German is alright actually the class is full and sitting with everyone is still making me feel tetchy and on edge but at least Jamie is here with me so I'm a little calmer. He's not really talking to me as he's paying attention for being the complete opposite of nerd and teachers pet in this class he excels and actually listens so I let him do his thing. I feel a like I might be okay if I just try to ignore the fact that the classroom is packed. I think that's what's been setting me off recently the fact that people can actually see me losing my mind and it was getting harder to control. I hate that people can see what's actually going on. The sincerity of situations sometimes scares me. Once upon a time I used to be so out there that people watching me doing anything never used to be an issue but the last six months things have changed and I don't really understand why. The room starts to get a little louder as people start to get on with the task. This causes my brain to start spinning again but I'm going to deal with it looking at the questions my eyes lose focus a little I shake my head and rubs my eyes and try to get back to it but my head ends up in my heads about 3 questions in Jamie spots this and gives me a little nudge on the shoulder "dude are you good?."

I look at him and squint to see him right the lights are brighter than I originally felt they were but I shrug him off "Yeh , yeh I'm alright it's just a little loud in here"

"Are you sure that's all, do you need to go back to Miss Conner's?"

I scoff , I wasn't trying to convey that I didn't appreciate the concern but I hate that people are seeing me as fragile "Nah Jay it's okay it's just loud don't worry about it". I stick my hand up and ask Mr Reeves if I can put my headphones in which he reluctantly agrees to with this a little relief washes over me and I put them in and pick and calming playlist. Bach not my usual listening material but I'm sure It'll keep me calm, I start making my way back through the questions answering them with ease. I get to the last question it's the essay portion of the exercise, I've got to write about my family in fluent German again that's easy, My dads been teaching me German since I was 4. I've recently been teaching Lou.

In the moment a message comes through from my mum "How are you doing today love?" , I contemplated not answering until lunch but she'll just worry

"I'm doing alright Ma , I'm in class right now actually , I didn't go into Maths I just did it in Miss Conner's office that was pretty good actually but I'm in class doing okay x"

I decide to message George again since my phone is out and I'm slightly bored now. I snap a picture not to dissimilar from before my hands are running through my hair and I'm smiling "Class is going okay, I nearly had a minute but I managed to take hold of it x". He's slowly becoming a lifeline at this point so long as he knows I'm okay and I'm doing okay for him then I'm happy.

I place my phone back on the table and finish my essay, I'm getting a little restless it's just boredom though so I ask Mr Reeves if I can quickly go to the bathroom. He lets me go under the pretence that I be sure to show him my progress on my work when I get back which is fine because it's basically done. I wander around the school a few times just making notes of how quiet the hallway is right now since everyone is in class. This is peaceful and I really enjoy the quiet. I think about going for a smoke as I haven't really had much smokes today. I took my way outside and quickly light up letting the nicotine flew through my body and I relax even more as bird fly around me and the only sound I hear is the occasional car driving in and out of the car park. I quickly make it through my cig and make my way back to class , sliding back into my seat but Mr Reeves spots me "Matthew you've been gone for fifteen minutes, where have you been ?".

"I just needed a minute to compose myself sorry Sir, I should have said" . I sit back down at my desk and finish up what I was writing. I'm sure all my teacher have been made aware of my hiccup yesterday "Right once you've finished that I'd like to see it and I would like to have a chat outside if you may". I finish up not long after and make my way over to his desk "i finished it , it's not my best but it's done" . This is always the awkward stage we're they look over you work and you just stand there like a spare part before you get there verdict. "Very well , can I see you outside please , don't worry your in no trouble". I sigh a sigh of relief and follow him outside . Once we're outside of the room I rest against the wall and scuff my shoes against the ground as he talks.

"Okay, I understand your having a bit of a rough time right now but rather than making up excuses to leave next time all you have to do is tell me that you need some time alone and I'll let you out to have a silent moment"

I look at him now still scuffing shoes against the carpet it's a terrible noise that goes right through me but it's just a habit at this point "again I'm sorry sir, I just didn't know how or what to say, I'll be sure to let you know next-time"

"Righty-o , next all I need to ask , for the actual exam do you think you might need to be in a different room to do it or would you like to be in with everyone else , I don't know if I'm the first to be asking but I know all your other teachers have been emailed and asked to ask you."

"I haven't really thought about it really , I should be okay with it. I'll try to sort my self out before the exams I promise but If I change my mind I'll be sure to let you know ahead of time." I hate that everyone is treating me like I could break at any minute but I know I also need to be honest it'll help in the long run I guess.

"Okay that's grand thank you very much back in you go you've got ten minutes till we're done if you don't want to sit in then it's okay to just go to the canteen but it's your choice"

"I think I'll be fine sir , it's ten minutes honestly it's all good" . We go back inside and when I get back to my chair Jamie is obviously itching to ask what that was about

"Sir was just asking if I needed any extra help with the exams and whatnot" . I see I have a message from my Mum and George but try to continue with my conversation with Jamie but I know I just want to check them.

"Hey that's cool , what did you say?"

"I said not for right now but if it changes I'll let someone know". I pick up my phone seconds after saying this. I open George's message first. It's a snap of him outside with his friends again or who I'd assume to be his friends here all huddled in a small corner and one boy has his arm around a girl and kissing the side of her head and there's another blonde boy there he's quite tall but not as tall as George and his eyes are bright blue none of them are wearing what I'd say was a uniform more just like school colours. It's captioned "I'm so proud you managed the class , you may have had a small hiccup but you worked it out and that's great , the guys say hi by the way"

That's makes me smile I guess he's spoken about me to them which leaves a small twinkle inside me and my checks redden at the fact that he's says he's proud of me. I snap a picture with my fingers crossed again. "I bet you were just hoping for me ay; my lucky charm , tell em I said hi back."

Like clock work literally the bell chimes bang on one o'clock and everyone starts piling out of the room and make a mad rush to the door. I wait till everyone is out then make my way out with Jamie's hand resting on the small of my back , it's a protective "older brother" thing. He's a few months older than me it's been a thing he's done since year 7 so I'm used to it at this point it makes me feel safer I suppose. The minute I walk into the canteen the noise is the first thing that overwhelms me stopping me in my tracks. Jamie's pauses with me "you okay mate?"

I glare at him for a second but then decide there's no point in trying to even lie right now "yeh, um , actually, I'll just go wait outside if you wanna go find Ross and get what you guys want I'll meet you out back" he rubs my back before he wanders off looking back at me "okay bro we won't be to long okay?" Then makes his way into the crowd of kids waiting for there lunch. I walk in the other direction trying to get to the back doors as quick as humanly possible. I hate noise I don't know where that has come from but recently any type of loud noise , grating sounds or repetitiveness has just really made me skittish and I don't really understand why but I have every feeling I'll figure it out. Once I'm outside and hidden away at the bottom of the field I pull my phone out along with a zoot and pull up George's name and having a little thought to myself and quickly change his name in my phone to "My lucky charm" cheesy and a little weird maybe but it makes me smile and I open up his latest message.

"I'll be anything you need me to be just so long as you feel good, I hope your eating lunch or at least something, but I am super proud you managed a class I know you said earlier you might struggle going to your last class but do you think it might be worth trying?"

This man really knows how to get me in my feels I take a picture of my zoot and my shoes yanno like all the stoners do on there private stories and reply after really thinking "I'll eat my other cereal bar, I might ask Jamie or Ross to get me something from the canteen before we go back to class , my last class is physics tho so I may only be there five minutes but I'll try just for you". That just for you might push some boundaries or make him feel a little weird but it's not my intention

I get a reply instantly he's still in his small corner I feel like it's pretty much like us all huddled in the corner of the field we're we smoke all schools have there places I suppose but the blonde kid from before is sat in his lap my heart sinks but I don't really know why . I don't know a lot these days if im honest. "We'll you know we're I am if you need to talk about it right ?, and maybe rather than sending you the song would you like to call again tonight so I can show you it "in person", I''m going to Adam's for a little while with the guys but I'll let you know when I'm home"

I just reply through normal messages this time taking pictures sometimes just is futile to me when I can convey how I feel just through words "I'll be sure to let you know the minute I need anything don't worry, AND YEH SHRE THAT WOULD BE AMAZING". As I send that away Ross and Jamie come running over to me and plonk themselves down on the grass in front of me "hey bro", Ross is always just simple and sweet always to the point

"Alright Rosso?" I hand them my lighter when they pull out there joints and start hastily looking around for one they never seem to have

"Cheers mate" Jamie takes it and lights up before passing it to Ross who also lights up

"Yeh I'm alright , how are you doing Jay said you managed German".

"Yeh dude it's was fine , but it's just a class I don't know why everyone is so mega impressed I've been doing school for like 12 years now, it's a normal thing". Again here comes the self depreciation and loathing it's never really good to dwell on my achievements if that's what you'd call them

"Bro I don't know if you've noticed the only class you've done properly in two weeks has been English you haven't attended a full class except English in two weeks , so really I think it is an achievement". Ross always knows how to put things into perspective. "That is true mate you've either skipped or not been in class the whole lesson for days bro" . Jamie not to much

"We'll alright , it's just some classes mess with my head and make me crazy that's all. It's nothing to write to the newspapers about", I rub my temples waiting for my headache that started as I walked into the canteen to dissipate because I really don't feel like dealing with this right now it's been a good day I don't want a headache to ruin it "Ross mate have you got anymore pain killers ?". The suns in my eyes I swear it never used to be this bright but Jesus I'm squinting again. "Are you sure that's a good idea having been smoking".Always the levelheaded is Ross

"Where are your glasses mate you brung em with you yesterday but I didn't see you wearing them and your not wearing them now, they might be contributing to your headaches". I know he's probably right but they just make everything even brighter and stark

"I know I probably should be wearing them but there just really irritating my eyes, but honestly I'll be fine the weed and the painkillers will help I'm sure they will even if it's just one, I just need it to go away before next class or there's not a single chance in me sitting in there". I try to block my eyes from the sun so it's not so bright and look at Ross pleading with him.

"Alright fine but one because I don't know how well they mix I don't want you throwing up on us again okay?". He hands me the pill and throws over his water i thanks him and neck it hopefully it's fast-acting

"Also here have this". Jamie throws me over a bag of crisps I also thank him and starts digging into them. It might be the fact I'm highly delusional right now or I just haven't eaten much in hot minute but these are amazing.

"So how you feeling like honestly feeling right now mate?" Jamie pipes up after a good solid five minutes of silence as we all eat and drag out joints out as long as possible

"I don't know how ready I am for physics if I'm honest but I spoke to George and I said I'd try". I finish with my crisps and just shove the empty packet into my blazer pocket and will dispose of later when we go back inside.

"George ??". Shit I forgot they don't know about George, I haven't actually said his name until now.

"Oh uh yeh George , he's the guy I was telling Ross about I met him online the other day and he's been tryna keep me right and out of my head". They look at me now a bit bemused "what?"

"You Matthew Timothy Healy are you trying to tell us that your actually letting someone help you". Ross chimes in with a mouthful of crisps himself.

"He's nice, but hey I let you guys help I'm just used to you guys ain't I , he's new and he doesn't fully get me yet".

"Alright alright , settle down , so you told him you'd try what does that mean exactly?"

"That I'll go but if I don't want to be in there I'll ask if I can go sit with Miss Conner's again don't worry I won't leave I'll still walk you guys home today" . I cross my heart for added affect and dramatisation.

"Alright then but you know you don't have to right?". Ross is looking at me all serious now "like don't force yourself to stay in the lesson"

"I'll be fine, I know what I'm doing" I give them both a hopeful smile and a big thumbs up mainly to convince myself more than them but it's alright. Just then the bell goes off as we all run back down to the top end off the field and inside so we don't get locked out. This door always gets locked on during class so people don't leave but they forget there are other doors. We say our goodbyes and I make my way to physics my heart evidently throwing itself out of my chest before I even enter the room but I push through. I sit down and my table and shove my rucksack under it and wait for everyone to arrive. The volume starts to rise almost instantly as everyone is hyped after lunch and ready to start the lesson. This already is not feeling like a win. I send George the fingers crossed emoji just a quick little reminder to know I'm thinking about him and letting him know that I know he's there if I need him. Mrs Alaric makes her way in and ask us all to settle down as we have an experiment to take part in today and that she needs us all to listen, I feel my chest start to heave slightly as experiments always make everyone loud and bunsin burner smell really sets my teeth on edge but I let her explain before I decide what I'm doing.

She's spends at least half of the lesson describing the experiment and we all note down the information and how we think it will end there are two boys across the other-side of the room messing around and the constant shouting is really doing my head in but alas Mrs Alaric separates them and then she asks us to pair up and start the experiment and that's when it all goes to shit for lack of a better word really. Everyone gets up there chairs scraping against the vinyl flooring which goes right through me and then everyone starts chatting and working around me. I try to start collecting all the equipment but there's people everywhere and there loud and I keep getting knocked into people. So I sit down and cover my ears with my hands and close my eyes hoping to drown everything out. Mrs Alaric comes over to me and taps me on the shoulder startling me

"Are you okay Matthew would you like a minute outside". I take a minute to look at her she does look mildly concerned I wish this feeling of dread and uncertainty would just fuck off honestly man.

"Can I just go see Miss Conner's"

"Let me page her and let her know once I know she knows your coming I'll let you go okay ?" Alright she taps me on the shoulder again and turns to the class to give them there next instruction standing next to me the whole time then pages for Miss Conner's to come get me

I close my eyes again and just rest my head on the desk, the desk is cold and it's kinda nice you know after a few minutes there's knock at the door looking up I see that's it's Miss Conner's and I have never packed my bag and left a room as quick as I did then.

"Alright Matty?" We start the trek back to her office. My second home at this rate. My head is still rattling the pain killers didn't help at all .

"I tried but it's to loud my brain felt like it was gunna burst out my skull". My chest is still heaving and I'm still finding it difficult to breath but I'm slowly calming down and it's completely back to normal once we reach her office. She sets me down and lets me get settled. I pull my phone out just to let George know what's going on I did tell him I'd keep him updated. "We'll that's went as well as I'd pictured". I place my phone back onto the table and take out my notebook .

"I haven't got any work for you to do as of just yet so just catch up on anything you need to get done, I've got a meeting I need to attend to will you be alright in here by yourself" . She checks her watch as if keeping an eye on the time

"Yeh it's quiet in here I'll be fine". I send a smile her way hoping to convey what I need it too.

"Alright we'll Mr Cahills office is just next door if you need anything please ask him and I'll be back at 3 and we can have another little chat before you go is that okay"

"Yeh that's okay , thank you Miss" . She then leaves and it gives me a second to just think on my own my screen lights up with George's contact and I scramble to pick it up

"What happened are you okay" he sent it with a picture of his class looking like there playing football and he's just off to the side.

"It was just to loud and too crowded and my brain was gunna explode so I came back to Miss Conner's office". My notebook is just full of lyrics and unfinished songs. There's a few that are complete but there not all the good really to me anyway.

George's replies within seconds "we'll at least you know you've got Miss Conner's to keep you right and I'm glad you came to me"

"We'll I did say I'd keep you informed , also I thought you were on the football team, why aren't you playing"

"I really couldn't arsed today honestly, I'm sooo ready to go home" . A smile creeps onto my face because damn do I get it. I'm so over today and I'm so bloody tired and I don't even feel like I've done anything. "That's understandable"

"Yeh and my teacher is a colossal knob anyway" he's sat there on the gym floor wearing the school gym uniform and to me it's so funny I don't know why but seeing George falling under rules is really funny

"Your really rocking that uniform lad 😂"

"Some can say the same about you "lad" he's smiling in this one his chocolate brown eyes glimmering in the florecent light

"Mate I'm actually fit as fuck right fighting the girls off left right and centre. I don't know about you but I think I rock this uniform quite grandly actually" I'm really not but you know got to raise the stakes push the boundaries

"I mean I get it, your a handsome lad anyone would be lucky to ave ya" . My cheeks start to heat up , does he really think I'm handsome or is he just being nice , I've never really been seen like that by a guy to my knowledge anyway. Some guys are very pretty but I don't see myself as one of them no I'm not gay.

"You really think so !"

"Yeh bro honestly your fit 😉"

It takes me a second to reply because this has just slightly shifted the mood and I don't really know what to do with it. It must take a little longer to reply to him than I thought because he send another message

"Sorry if that's weird"

I rush to reply hoping he doesn't feel bad or hurt "no , no it's alright". I put my phone down for a second just to work on my lyrics for a second and to really get this demo together for Mr Hardy I might be able to practise with the boys later.

https://href.li/?https://video.twimg.com/ext_tw_video/1697864713911025664/pu/vid/634x360/MvcQtgBSBB8-LelN.mp4?tag=12

This is so funny to me

“Matty wanted an orangutan “ 😂

ooohh 🐰🧡🐸

What I think says the most in a person : I don’t really know it’s kind of a hard question , because I always give people the benifit of the doubt anyway right , but like first impression can be quickly changed , I’m always like so scared to speak to people when there loud and out there but then I’m always friends with them in the end 😂, but I suppose openness and how they treat strangers can be a good tell about how they really are (if that makes sense

What colour do I dislike most : I don’t really hate colours specifically but I despise red cars

My aesthetic: um , I steal aesthetics from others like I’ve got two on the go , buissness man who doesn’t really know what he’s doing (count Olaf 😂), then maybe 2000s ratty punk