Chapter 28

So for the ff that I’m writing Matty as a Trans-Man imma call it Menswear because that just fits to me anyway , would y’all like a , I can’t remember the word I’m looking for but something that gives you sneak peak or like a blurb about it or something first or would you just like me to go straight into it

Or

Would you prefer me to finish “Heart out” then go into “Menswear” stuff ???

Can someone please explain to me how 6 out of the last 8 days I’ve gotten drunk but I’m not dead yet

Menswear

Chapter 3

Mention of dysphoria and dysfunctional families

The next morning

I woke up to my alarm 7 on the dot, more startled awake then by choice. George was wrapped up in my duvet next to me, like most mornings. His hair strewn across the pillow just like a halo , like the angel he is. From as young as I can remember he’s always had the most angelic face , one I’ve wanted to kiss for the longest time, the feeling only grew stronger the older I got but I just never knew how to talk about it. Like most mornings when I woke first I just watched him sleep, so peacefully. I watched his eyes flicker, the brown in them starting to make an appearance. “You know you can just take a picture right??, it’ll last longer”, he’s a dipshit but he’s my dipshit. He scrubbed his eyes harshly to wake himself up a little then rose slowly to rest against the headboard placing one hand on my forehead probably to check my temperature. “How you feeling today lad?”.

“I feel a little better, I feel a bit stuffy and my throat feels like razors but really everything else is fine, think I just have a cold”, I was a complete mess yesterday and I know it, I feel bad that the lads had to look after me but I just seriously wasn’t feeling it and something about having someone give you all there attention feels nice even when you don’t want it. “Thanks for yesterday by the way” , I’ve always relied on the boys to help me, I depend on them as sad as that may be.

“Don’t mention it , you’d have done the same for any of us”, I would have yes!, anything for them. “Are you sure your feeling alright though , well enough for school, I know what your like”. He’s not wrong I can be a right idiot at school sometimes if I ain’t feeling right. It’s fine though.

“I’m alright yeh, get your arse up we have to get ready, my mum left your stuff in the dryer , you can go get it and I’ll get dressed yeh?” , I hopped out off bed and began to get my uniform out of my wardrobe, I heard George groan and fall back onto the bed. “Bro you gotta get up”, I picked up a hat from the computer chair next to me and flung it in his direction just missing his head and hitting the headboard. “Come on”

“Ughhh….dude five more minutes”, George is quite the challenge to wake up in the morning, once he’s out of bed he’s raring to go and always full of energy but until that point, nope. Where as I can get up but until I’ve had a coffee I’m basically a zombie. “It’s to late I’ve bonded to mattress, I have become one with the bed, there’s no saving me”

“Come on you fuckin flamingo get up”, I took a minute to look through my wardrobe for my blazer upon not finding it I swiftly ran over to George’s side of the bed and jumped on him immediately tickling his chest and any piece of skin available to me “Get up, get up , get up”, his ever present stupid high-pitched laugh soon enveloped my room and hearing it myself made me giggle with him. His laugh is always contagious. He begins thrashing around begging me to stop but I continue my attack. “I’ll stop if you get up ditwit”

“Fine, fine , okay….stop…I can’t breath…I’ll get up”, I rolled off of him in fits of giggles, struggling to breath for myself. “Your actually a fuckin nightmare you know that right, in the best way possible your a dick”, he flung the duvet off of himself which inturn made it drape over me, and as he stood up he pushed me causing me to roll off of the bed. “ hah stuuuuupid”

“Fuck you , you hobgoblin ”, again we were both laughing, the amount of random names I’ve called George over the years is insane and they still get more and more ridiculous.

Finally though he did leave and I began to get myself ready for the day, binder, shirt, trousers and shoes, still not a fuckin clue where any of my blazers are. Or my tie for that matter. Just as I was tying my shoes there was a tiny little knock on my door “Maffew, are you awake”, Shit we probably woke him up we were being kinda loud.

“Yeh I’m awake kiddo come in”, Louis pushed the door open and stuck his little head through the gap in door and slid in, bounding over the the bed. “What’s wrong kiddo?”

“I have a question”

“Ask away young padawan”, he’ll have no idea what padawan means but I jump at every chance to use that sentence .

“Well , you know how Georgie stays here a lot, does he just live wif us now and does that mean he’s like my big brother now too ?” , I sat myself down next to him after I tied my shoes and ruffled his hair as he giggled.

“No no baby, George is just Matty’s best friend and George and his daddy aren’t friends right now so he’s just taking a little break, but if you see him like a big brother that’s okay”

“Why is he not friends wif his daddy , he’s friends wif our daddy and we are friends wif our daddy, people are supposed to love their daddies” , I carefully pulled him into my lap as I chuckled, loving how his brain works and can’t see the bad side of anything.

“Just George’s daddy is a little bit grumpy and gets grumpy at George a lot and it makes George sad so he just wanted a little break for a little while, like you know when you get a little sad and you get big feelings and you don’t know how to handle them, sometimes grown-ups like Matty and George we have even bigger feelings and it’s even harder to handle so sometimes we need a break”, Louis was nodding along with me as I was chatting looking up at me with his big brown eyes, he always seemed like he knew what I was saying and taking in what I said. He then brung his hand up to his chin and scrunched his face up like he was thinking.

“Well if he needs a big hug and someone to make the big feelings better, I can help right?”

“Of course you can kiddo, well done you for using your big brain, now I think it’s breakfast time don’t you?”, he quickly nodded his head and smiled up at me as he slid off of my lap and made his way back outside, I heard him give George a high five down the hallway, Moments after George came back in tying his tie.

“Is that yours or mine, I can’t find mine”, he finished tying it then began brushing his hair while thinking about it.

“Isn’t yours in you bag with your blazer you took em off on the way home on Friday, why you don’t have more than one blazer I’ll never know but I’m pretty sure there both in your bag, also glasses on your face before we leave please”, George is literally a saviour at this point, always keeping an eye on me, keeping me in line, as does Adam, but if I wanna get up to mischief Rosso is the man to call.

“Alright dad” , I looked at him through the mirror and gave him the cheekiest smile I could muster as he rolled his eyes at me, I did however put my glasses on. “Hey George, do you think it would be weird if I wore my packer at school, I wear it sometimes but I’ve got PE today and I don’t know if that’s a smart idea??”

“Dude if it’ll make you feel good, and comfortable, go for it, Ross is in your Gym class right, so that way if anyone says anything gentle giant is there to help”

“Uh-huh. Em alright, I’ll be back in a minute then”, I picked up my small bag the has my STP (a device that helps trans men use the toilet standing up, it can sit in your boxers and it can also help you feel less dysphoria because it creates the illusion that you have a slight bulge where it’s supposed to be, it’s very helpful), and scurry to the bathroom , in the bathroom I fix up my STP , brush my teeth, apply deodorant, I haven’t had a shower in a while my heads just not been in a good place and having to shower , see myself naked really isn’t something I’ve wanted to be faced with right now. Once I’ve checked that everything looks right and I’m happy with it I head back through to my bedroom, George is now laying back on the bed fully dressed and phone in hand.

“All set”, I mumble a quick “yes” and slide back onto the bed next to him.

“Can I ask you something”

“Go ahead man”

“Well uh…. I know you’ve probably noticed ….so I don’t really know why I’m telling you…but I ain’t showered since like Wednesday night and I know that’s rank…..” I watched George place his phone down on the bed as I started talking and he turned his full attention to me

“Cuz you haven’t been feeling all that great right now, right, dysphoria beating your ass??” He interrupted before I could even finish. Not that I minded.

“Yeh , how did you know?”

George paused for a moment to think about what to say, looking at me deeply. “You’ve just got these little tells I guess, like it’s always pretty obvious , well to me at least , when your feeling like that, I’ve been around you often enough to notice them”

“Really??, like what!?”

“It depends where you are” , he slightly shrugged his shoulders and scrubbed a hand over his face then began talking again,” when you’re at school and it comes on you get really irritable but very quiet you know like , everyone irritates you and you get all hopped up and want to fight everyone”, hearing that causes me to giggle a little bit because he’s really not wrong. “But your like also dead quiet when your around us at school or you just don’t go , but when your at home and feel shitty, you tend to kind of just go off the rails a little and not look after yourself, not sleeping a wink , you don’t eat, and just constantly try to keep yourself distracted but stay in bed all day being really clingy with me”

“Oh , I…uh….I didn’t know I was clingy….I’m sorry”, hearing that I get clingy with George without even realising it makes me feel bad because as I’ve said I hate relying on others to feel good.

“Hey lad ….don’t apologise, I’m just glad I can help, come on, your mum made porridge for breakfast, we can have breakfast and get going, where running late”, George got off the bed, the grace of a gazelle and helped me off. “Anyway where were you going with the conversation, I kind of interpreted you?”

I ruffled my hair again as we left my room , closing my door behind me. “Oh uh , nevermind it’s okay it doesn’t matter, it’s not important”, I pray to every god that he doesn’t continue asking but I know he will he always does.

“Come on , it must have been important if you mentioned it , please come on you can tell me” , we both trundled done the stairs heavy footed , like a heard of elephants.

“ um I was , uh , just going to ask if you could like maybe help me , like shower tonight , I’ll close the curtain obviously but just sit in with me and talk to me, keep me distracted”

“If that’s what you need then that’s what I’ll do, that is important Matty , don’t just shrug off your feelings okay , especially if they’re important enough that they’ll affect your mood okay , please don’t.” , I just nodded as we got to the kitchen and sat down next to each other

Chapter 17

Word Count :2296

There’s not much warning needed for this chapter it’s all just talking and understanding unless honestly needs a tag then it’s fine

Matty's POV

I spent a lot of time that afternoon in my room, I'd received a few texts from Ross asking if I'm okay and if I'd told my mum what was up, I told him that everything was good and that my mum knows but that I never told her about the coke use yet because I can't do it yet, As well as that my dad phoned me just telling me that he's proud of me , and that he's always going to be there for me , I'm his son and that he loves me and that he'll speak to me once he's home because I hopes I'll talk to him a bit more I you know all that stuff , and I thank him and chat to him for a bit about what he's up to at work. Later on that day George messaged back

"Good afternoon love , I'm sorry to hear that everything's been all over the place for you today, I know that your struggling but once I'm home we can call again and talk about what happened , I miss your voice and your face", This is when we start Snapchating again because honestly I miss his face too. After seconds of seeing his face appear on my screen and face splitting grin appears on my own face, I sent him back a picture of myself so he can see me, I might not look or feel the best right now but I understand that and he's not going to see me as any different. We snap chatted all afternoon about nothing and everything all at the same time . Right now we're talking about a game that we'd like to play

"Yeh oh my god did you hear that street fighter 6 is going to be out soon, apparently it's got new game modes coming out aswell", Video games is always something I can talk about from dawn till dusk , losing yourself in another world , and if you mess up you can try again another day nothing to be anxious about. Very different from real life.

He snaps right back that smile of his makes everything in my life just feel like it's a million miles away and I don't have to worry about it "didn't it say that it's got like a new mode where your like touring the world and you can play against others online right ?". If he's anything like me this game is going to melt our brains when it comes out , I know it's literally just an online game but I've played every single one, and I love them all, Any new realise melts my brain, I get lost in them for days , there were times when I was younger the guys would come over and we'd cabin ourselves up in my room and we'd play every walk through of the game and make sure we'd find every single hidden gem and watch people play them online. Those were the days, where my mum would come in to make sure we were all okay but we'd be too engrossed in the game to even notice she was there or we'd all be passed out on the floor because we'd been awake for two days straight, my room would be an absolute midden. When there parents came to pick them up I'd sulk for hours, cry to my mum because I'd want them to come back, always been the sensitive kid I guess. Then I'd be so tired that night I'd sleep for hours and wake up at like lunchtime the next day and my dad would spend all day trying to cheer me up. Come to think of it I'd always been sensitive , I know I'd cry about stupid things as a really young kid, I'd built a fort with my dad when I was maybe 4 but when we had to take it down I'd thrown the biggest conniption fit, screamed the place down which in turn caused my mum to have to buy one of those silly little TP tents for my room which I still have now.

A few moments later I get another Snapchat through from George "are you still there love" , I blush at the use of the pet name , I feel like that will always make me blush I then snap a picture of myself and reply

"Sorry darlin , I was just thinking about stuff and got lost in a day dream , but yes I did read that somewhere" I send it off and decide to get dressed , I just noticed the time , Louis will be home soon and probably will want to play for a while. I slide on a yellow T-shirt and some black shorts. Just like I'd said Louis knocks on my door and slides his little head round the door "Mummy said you were sad so I was wondering if you wanted to play angry birds that always makes me happy". He comes in now and climbs onto my bed waiting for me to sit with him.

I skulk over to him and sit next him "come on then show me how to play" , I hand him my iPad and slide onto the bed properly , leaning against the headboard and pull him onto my knee, He easily navigated his way through my iPad finding the game he needs , watching his little hands working there way through the screen.He pauses for a moment to look at me "Why are you sad ?".

I tap his head and play with his hair "it's okay little man we don't need to talk about it , I'm just being silly , how about you show me how to play". The games page loads up. He turns back to it and starts showing me how to play. I know how to play but he loves this game and I love watching him play. George replies midway through this game . I open it he must be on his way home now because he's outside and the sun is shining , brightly into his eyes making them shine "what where you thinking about love". That brings a smile to my face, I snap a picture back of me and Lou he's sat on my knee and he's too engrossed in his little game to notice that I'd taken his picture. It's actually a sweet one, I save it. "Just reminiscing about how I've always been a kind of sensitive guy really, we can talk about it when you call later if you like" . I put my phone down on my bed and pull Lou close to me hugging him "I love you little man"

"I love you too Maffu" , he hands me the iPad means he's struggling with this level , so I take it and I show him how to do it talking him through it "Fanks, you're really good at this , you can do the next one too" , we go through a few more levels together taking turns , George has replied but I'm lost in my time with my little man.

I pause the game after a while "Hey kiddo, do you have homework", I know he's only young but he might have class reading to do and I love hearing him read he's such a good little reader. "Go get your bag and I can help you with it yeh ?"

"Okay", he jumps off the bed , scrambling to go get his bag , while he's gone I reply to George, he's still stood outside but has a joint in his hand "If it's something you'd like to talk about then we can , how's the little man ?" , he's so darn pretty , how can some that looks like a literal angel just be allowed to walk the earth and not have a partner like it doesn't make any sense. The fact that he cares about me and even ask about Lou is also something that I can get down with

I snap back , I'm probably blushing because the picture he sent was really pretty , "I would really like it if we could talk about it , also he's doing grand , we were just playing angry birds , im about to help him with his homework , you look really pretty today by the way George x" , I hope that makes him smile even just a little bit.

He replies instantly he looks to be home now, he's sat on his couch has his headphones in and there's a tinge of red adorning his cheeks and he's smiling "says the pretty boy on the other end of the phone , would you like to call when you've finished with the little man then !?x"

I send him just a quick text this time because I can hear Louis running back up the stairs shouting to my mum that I'm going to help him do his homework "I'd like that alot x" , he send back just a quick alright then I plug my phone in to charge and then loius comes running back into my room "I got it", we end up setting his little books on my desk and he climbs up onto my knee so we can read his book, I remember reading this one when I was his age. He's reading away, he gets stuck on a few words but he honestly does so well , it's only a small book , ten pages at most but I'm so damn proud of him. This grown up little man is going places. The next part of the homework is where the issues began , neither of us a very good and maths it may seems, I'm trying to help him with his times tables as he has to learn them before he moves up to year three , I'm doing my best to try and help him where going through the 8 times table because that's the one he struggles with , and although I'm 17 going on 18 years old , I really should know my 8s but I don't not by heart anyway. I start panicking when I'm trying to explain how to do it, because I can tell he's getting upset about it , again another similarity we have is we both get upset quite quickly over small things , it's stupid how fast I get panicked over this and it's even more stupid how quickly we both get frustrated at it. I do try to keep my cool but eventually after about half an hour where both just frustrated messes and I don't want to see him upset anymore so we pack his things away and I let him go play for a while. I go to talk to my mum. I make my way down the stairs to see that my mum is working in her office but my dads home and sat on the couch flicking through the channels

"Hiya dad", I stand at the doorway slightly flustered, I lean against the door frame. I can feel myself getting a little twitchy but I force it down

"Alright yungun, what's up?", he's looking at me , I can see he's a little bit on edge trying to work out what's going on and trying to figure out if I'm okay.

"I just um came to tell mum something but she's busy so could I tell you ?", after I few silent moments I stride over to the sofa and sit next to my dad. "I think , I may need a little bit more help than mum thinks"

"Why's that yungun", he puts the remote down and sticks it on the arm of the chair. Paying close attention to me now .

"It's just everything stresses me out , small things that mean nothing to anyone, and when I get like that I can't do anything. It's like I try to speak but when I try it's nothing but a squeak in my own head , like I'm living in a house with just three walls and everyone can see me falling apart" . I don't want to cry right now, I can do this , I can have one conversation about how I feel without crying Jesus I need to do it "like everything is changing , there's this pressure in my head that's telling me I need to keep everything the same and not let it change and obviously I can't do that and when it starts getting to much my whole system just shuts down and I feel like I'm gunna explode" , I take a breath that I'd been holding , letting out a sigh at the same time rubbing my hand over the back of my head violently.

"Hey yungun come ere", he pulls me into a tough hug, his strong arms holding me still as I am still trembling "we'll get your sorted won't we, you just need to keep doing this , talking about what's going on"

"I'm trying dad I promise I'm trying", once I've pulled away I give him a soft smile and thank him for listening, on my way back to my room my mum calls through to make sure I have my cheeseburger so I do I pick up the paper bag and bring it up with me and slowly make my way through it, I know it's literally just a cheeseburger and kids eat them but it takes forever to get through, it takes an age actually. I don't feel that great after it, bloated to all hell actually but I guess that's my own fault. I ponder for a while why it's so hard for me to just do things that I'm supposed to do to live bit I think about it for long because if I spiral I won't bounce back for a while

"I'm ready to call whenever you are Georgie x"

ooohh 🐰🧡🐸

What I think says the most in a person : I don’t really know it’s kind of a hard question , because I always give people the benifit of the doubt anyway right , but like first impression can be quickly changed , I’m always like so scared to speak to people when there loud and out there but then I’m always friends with them in the end 😂, but I suppose openness and how they treat strangers can be a good tell about how they really are (if that makes sense

What colour do I dislike most : I don’t really hate colours specifically but I despise red cars

My aesthetic: um , I steal aesthetics from others like I’ve got two on the go , buissness man who doesn’t really know what he’s doing (count Olaf 😂), then maybe 2000s ratty punk

An Encounter (Ch. 2)-guitar nerd!matty au

word count: 3.9k

a/n: chapter two is finally here my beloved people. hope you enjoy my writing. sorry if it’s not as perfect as i want it to be. enjoy!

warnings: SMUTTY SMUTTY🕷️

——————————————————————————

It's only been two weeks since you went into your local music store. Since that moment, you were head over heels for him. He was so charismatic, funny, charming, and he was always nice to you, like really nice to you. It was really throwing you off. You visited him when you had the time.

Today was just like any other day, you had stopped by the music shop on your break from studying. He looked up at the sound of the bell, smiling at who was walking in. He felt his heart race at the sight of you. He knew your name, what you liked and didn’t like. He knew a lot about you, he liked that about himself. He liked knowing about you for some reason.

“Afternoon, darling.” he said, resting his chin on the back of the broom’s handle and looking at you with a smirk on his face

“Hi, Matty”

Hearing you say his name made his heart soar, but he tried to hide it by smiling politely at you. “How’s your day going?”

“Pretty bland”

He tilted his head, putting the broom down and leaning against the counter slightly, crossing his arms over his chest “Bland, eh? I can’t believe you can have a bland day”

You shrug. He looked at you for a second before pushing himself off the counter and walking around the corner of the counter “It’s pretty boring here, too. Barely anyone’s been coming… well besides you of course”

“Really?”

“Yup, it’s been pretty dead.”

Standing directly in front of you. He studied your face for a second. You flushed, ‘Fuck me’

“Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?” Matty asks nervously.

“I was going to get lunch”

“Mind if I join you?” He smiled at you, hoping you would say yes, but also not wanting to look too excited if you said no.

“I don’t mind”

He mentally high fived himself once you agreed to him joining you for lunch.

“I’ll lock up the shop..” He said, walking over and locking the door and flipping the sign to ‘CLOSED’ before walking back over to you.

He pushed the door open for you before following you out of the store. Once the door was closed and locked he turned to you. “So, where to?”

“I noticed this cute little cafe around the block. Looks fucking cool”

“Lead the way then darling, I trust your judgment”

He followed beside you as you made your way to the cafe, looking down at you as he walked, thinking about how small you were compared to him. After a few moments you guys reached the cafe. It looked like an old 70s diner from the outside, but it was modernized on the inside. The place looked cool as hell.

“You have good taste..”

He said, looking around at the restaurant and then down at you. He noticed a booth in the corner and put a hand on your back gently. You shiver at the touch.

“Table or booth?”

He chuckled at you being indecisive “Booth it is”

He motioned for you to walk in front of him then put his hand on your back again, guiding you over to the booth in the corner. He motioned for you to sit before he slid into the other side. You can tell he was trying to hide his nerves. As you were too.

He looked at you for a second, catching a glance of your expressions and sensing mutual nervousness. He decided to say something just to break the silence.

“Do you come here often?” He joked with a smirk.

“God not the date jokes already”

He chuckled at your comment “I’m sorry, I had to.”

He smiled at you, trying his best to stop himself from staring. You were just so pretty it was so hard not too.

A waitress walked up to them with a pencil and notepad, ready to take their order.

You guys ordered your food. Eating silently. You broke the ice.

“Where are you from?”

Matty perked up at the question, he was glad you said something, “Manchester, UK.. I moved here a few years ago.”

“You like America so far?

He shrugged, taking a sip of his soda “It’s not bad. The people are.. different for sure. Definitely different then they are in the UK.” He chuckled slightly.

“But that’s okay though…”

He looked at you as he spoke. He smiled softly at you before he continued “I like different. It’s new.”

As you guys talked, Matty's eyes lingered on your face for a little too long. He was captivated by your features. He couldn't help but feel drawn to you. However, he tried his best to act casual and not let it show too much.

He took another bite of his food before speaking again. "What about you? Have you lived around here your whole life?"

“Sadly”

“Why sadly?”

“Well it’s…America”

Matty chuckled softly and nodded his head in understanding. He knew exactly what you meant. The current states of the country weren't great to say the very least.

"Yeah the country is a mess. But some of the people here aren't bad. There's some good people here... Somewhere" He said jokingly before taking another sip of his drink and looking back at you.

There was a silence between them for a moment as he looked at you, a million thoughts running through his head. He then decided to change the subject before he continued staring at you for too long. There it was again, that same nervousness he felt before. He took a breath and spoke softly, hoping that it wasn't too obvious how nervous he was.

"So.. you said you were a uni student, right?"

“Yeah.”

“What’s your major?”

“Don’t laugh.”

"I won't laugh, but it can't be that bad" He teased with a chuckle.

“I’m a business major”

Matty's eyes widened in mock surprise, "No way, a business major? I would’ve never guessed.” He said sarcastically with a cheeky grin on his face.

“What do you want to do with a business degree?”

Shrugs at him, “Something I’ve always thought about.”

He nodded slowly as he thought about your response. He took another sip of his drink, noticing how you weren't giving him a lot to go off of. He wanted to keep the conversation going, but he didn't know how to keep it going if you weren't going to give him a little more

"You don't have any big aspirations in life? No end goal?"

“Not really, no”

Matty looked at you, slightly confused. He couldn't tell if you were serious or not. He tilted his head a little and spoke cautiously.

"Not really? How do you not have some sort of goal for life? Everyone has to have SOME sort of drive"

He waited for you to say something, but you just shrugged again. He was a tad bit baffled if he was being honest, but he tried not to show it. He leaned his elbows on the table and leaned forward slightly

"You're telling me you don't have a single ambition in this life? You just go with the flow?"

“Pretty much.”

He was still a little baffled, but that look of confusion was turning into a look of fascination. You intrigued him. You were the complete opposite of him. He had dreams and hopes, goals, things he aspired to be and do. He was determined to make something of himself. But you... you just didn't care, you just went with the flow, it was mesmerizing.

Then, his leg brushed against yours. The moment your leg made contact with his, he felt his heart skip a beat. The feeling of your skin touching his was electric, it sent tingles through his whole body. He tried to act nonchalantly by moving a little in his seat, but the truth was he wanted to feel more of your skin on his. He wanted to touch you, and feel you. You got goosebumps, the hair prickling up on your body. you fidget with your ear a little.

He noticed the change in your body language, the subtle fidgeting that signaled nervousness and excitement. It was intoxicating, the way you were reacting to him was exactly how he was feeling as well. He couldn't help but stare at you, noticing every little reaction you had to the contact.

You looked at him, eyes dilated. He saw the dilation in your eyes, and it made his heart skip a beat. Those gorgeous eyes, staring at him made him feel a way he couldn't describe. He felt his whole nervous system go into sensory overdrive. He could feel every little thing, he could hear your breathing, he could smell your perfume or lotion or whatever it was you wore. Everything about you was driving him insane in the best way possible.

One hour later you guys left the restaurant.As you guys walked out of the restaurant, Matty couldn't help but feel strangely disappointed. Being in such close proximity to you for that amount of time and not being able to fully express how he was feeling was killing him. As they walked out into the busy sidewalk, he couldn’t help but cast a sideways glance at you, admiring your beauty. Silence hung in the air as he tried to figure out what to say or do now.

“I should probably head home” you say.

“Could I walk you?”

Surprised by him, you decided to nod “Sure”

He nodded, trying to act calm and cool but inside he was doing a happy dance that you said yes. He fell into step beside you as you started to walk.

When you guys arrived at your place, Matty was close to you, too close to be exact. He was standing fairly close to you, so close that you could feel his breath on your skin and you could almost feel the heat coming off of him. He took a moment to look at you, studying your face up close, before speaking softly.

"This is you huh?"

“Yeah”

He didn't want to leave quite yet, so he stayed there in front of your apartment, standing close to you, practically inches away from you. He couldn't get over how gorgeous you were. He smiled to himself as he continued staring at you, suddenly feeling bold, he spoke, "You know.. you're absolutely beautiful"

You open your mouth, surprised by the gesture. “Thank you I suppose.”

He chuckled softly at your somewhat timid response. He had a cocky attitude, so he was a bit surprised when you didn't immediately respond with a cocky, "I know" or "I know I am". It both took him off guard, but also made him want you even more.

He took a step closer to you, his chest almost touching yours. He looked down at you, his heart racing in his chest. He was inches from you, and it took all of his self-control not to just grab you and kiss you senseless. You look up at him. You can tell his eyes are darker than normal.

He gazes down at you, his eyes locking on yours. He feels the heat coming off of your body, and it only makes him want to get closer. He slowly brings his hand up to your face, his fingertips gently brushing across your skin. “Can I ask you something?"

You nod.

He let his hand rest on your cheek, his fingers gently stroking across your skin. He takes a breath, gathering his thoughts before speaking softly.

“Can I kiss you?"

“Please”

His brain nearly short-circuited at your response, and almost didn't believe you actually said yes. But before he had another doubt, he took another step towards you, closing the space between you. He pressed his body against yours and cupped your face with his hands. He looked into your eyes for a second before he gently leaned down and captured your lips with his.

You did backflips inside your brain. How did this happen, a cute guy from a music shop. kissing you in front of your apartment. you didn’t want it to end.

His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him. He deepened the kiss, his tongue gently brushing across your bottom lip, begging for entrance. He couldn't get enough of you. You open your mouth for him. He was soft to the touch.

He groaned softly when you opened your mouth for him. He wasted no time, his tongue eagerly exploring your mouth. He held you tighter against him, his hands gripping your hips as he kissed you.

“Come inside” you say, pulling away gasping.

He was slightly out of breath, and slightly dazed from the kiss. His brain took a moment to process what you had said, and when he registered it his heart skipped a beat. He looked at you, then looked at your apartment, then back to you.

"Wha-...are you sure?"

“I want you”

He was taken off guard by your bluntness, but he loved it. The way you spoke sent a shiver down his spine, and he couldn't help but nod in agreement. He wanted you just as badly, if not more.

"Fuck me" he muttered.

You guys entered your apartment. You were nervous, a good nervousness. Matty followed you inside, his heart racing. He couldn't believe this was actually happening, he was inside your apartment, alone with you, and you wanted him just as badly as he wanted you. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, watching you in silence for a moment before speaking.

"Are you sure about this? I don't want to do anything you're uncomfortable with"

You grab his hand, “Yes”

He felt your hand grasp his, and he felt a shiver run down his spine. He let you lead him further into your apartment, his mind racing with thoughts and fantasies. He wanted you so badly, but he still wanted to be respectful, so he let you take the lead.

He followed you deeper into your apartment, his mind racing with excitement and nervousness. Once you entered your bedroom, he took a moment to look around. Your room was simple but cozy, a reflection of you. He stood awkwardly for a moment, not quite sure what to do or say. You push him on the bed.

He let out a small gasp of surprise as you pushed him onto the bed. His heart was beating so hard he could hear it, and he couldn’t take his eyes off you. He watched you as you climbed on top of him, straddling his lap.

You grind your hips onto his, kissing his neck softly.

He groaned softly as you grind your hips against his, causing him to arch his back in response. He let out a shaky moan when you began kissing his neck, his hands immediately going to your hips, gripping them tightly.

You play with his shirt, “Can I take this off?”

Matty swallowed hard as you started playing with the hem of his shirt, his skin buzzing from your touch. He nodded his head quickly as he spoke,

“Please, take it off”

He shivered as you slowly pulled his shirt up, the feeling of your hands on his skin was incredible. He lifted his arms and allowed you to completely remove the shirt, leaving his chest bare for you to look at. He felt a little self-conscious for a moment, but then he looked at you and saw the look of desire in your eyes.

You kissed him desperately, you wanted more, right now. The heat in your body was too intense. you were soaked.

He kissed you back eagerly, his hands gripping your hips once again. He could feel the heat emanating from your body, and it drove him wild. He needed more, he wanted all of you. Matty tugged your shirt.

He pulled back from the kiss and looked down at you, noticing how the shirt was in the way. He looked back up at you, his eyes dark with desire,

“Take it off”

You take the shirt off. leaving you just in your bra.

Matty’s breath hitched in his throat as he gazed at you, sitting on his lap in nothing but a bra. His gaze roamed over your body, taking in every inch of you, and he swallowed hard,

“God- you’re gorgeous”

“Take my bra off, please?”

He reached up and slowly reached for the lacy fabric, his fingers trembling just a little as he hooked them around the straps. He took a deep breath and then began to gently pull it off. Once it was off, he tossed it aside and let out a shaky exhale as he looked down at your bare chest.

He had never seen anything more beautiful in his life, and all he could do was stare for a moment in awe. He gently ran his hands up and down your sides, his touch light and almost reverent,

"You're fucking gorgeous, darling. So goddamn beautiful"

He watches you intently oh fuck. he mutters under his breath in awe.

“Get up, darling” He gently tapped your hips, signaling for you to get off of him. You do, watching his next move.

He slowly unbuttoned his pants and slid them off, leaving him in just his boxers. He laid there in front of you, in just his boxers, his bare chest on full display. He could feel your eyes roaming over his body.

You walked back to the bed crawling on the edge. You move your hand to his boxers.

His breathing hitches at the touch, his eyes flutter shut as he leans back into the pillow, “Ohh. Fuck”

You move it slightly, “Am I doing something wrong?”

Shakes his head, unable to form words. He lets out a low moan as you move your hand, “No. No. It feels good. Just like that.”

“Can I take them off?”

Nods almost imperceptibly, his breath coming in short pants. yeah. yeah you can. he manages to get out, his hips buckling slightly as he anticipates your touch.

He lets out a low groan as you remove his briefs, his body tensing up with pleasure. his cock is fully erect, the tip glistening with precum, "Oh god. fuck."

He brings his and around your ass, rubbing it, he asks you if he can help you out of it. Nodding, he reaches up and gently begins to pull your pants down, his touch soft and deliberate. Once they're off, he throws them to the side, but not before taking a moment to admire your legs.

He smiles a bit as he continues to watch you, moving his hand further up your leg and towards your inner thigh. He leans in closer, whispering in your ear, “You ok?”

“Yeah”

He looks up at you, smirks and slowly moves your panties to the side, exposing your pussy to his view and touch. He starts to rub your clit, teasing it with his fingers.

Moaning at his touch, as he starts to rub your clit faster, his thumb pressing down on it while his fingers slide up and down your pussy lips. Matty gets up, and goes to his wallet. He ripped out a condom. He then taps your waist once more.

Guiding you back down onto him, “Come here, love.”

You climb on top of him again. He rolls onto his back, guiding you to straddle him with your legs on either side of his hips. He grips your hips, his touch firm and guiding as he helps you position yourself over him.

He groans in pleasure as you sink back down onto him, the heat and tightness of your body enveloping him completely,

“Oh god, yes. Just like that.” He grips your hips, steadying you as he begins to thrust upwards into you in a slow, steady rhythm.

“Fucking christ. You take me so good, baby. Fuck. Yeah just like that” he whines out a breath in pleasure, as you ride him up and down. His breath was hot on your neck, gently sucking and moaning. Hands roam all over your body.

He gently guides your hips, urging you to move up and down on top of him. Their whines are mixed together. He was different from other men you slept with, he wasn’t quiet in bed.

He lets out a low moan, his fingers digging into your hips as you start to move in earnest, “Ah, fuck, that's it.”

His thrusting up, it grows more urgent, meeting your downward movements with force.

His breathing quickening as you begin to grind your hips in circles.

He opens his eyes, gazing up at you with a look of pure adoration and lust, “Fucking christ, gorgeous, love.”

He reaches up to cup one of your breasts, his thumb rubbing over the hardened nipple. You moan his name at the touch.

He groans at the sound of your moan, his hips bucking up into you in a desperate bid for release. “Bloody hell,”

Your stomach turns into a knot, as you reach down to your clit. He grips your hips, holding you steady as you begin to touch yourself.

“Oh fuck, yes” His moans got louder even further, a little sweat breaking out on his forehead as he watched you. “I'm so close.”

Your cunt tightened around his cock. He shudders beneath you, his thrusts faltering as he comes. You continue to ride out your orgasim.

He wraps his arms around you, holding you close as you both ride out the waves of pleasure. He plants a kiss on your neck, his lips lingering there as he catches his breath.

You decided to get up, wincing as you pulled out of him. He takes off the condom, tying it off and putting it in the trash can near your bed.

“Let me clean you up,” he says.

You shook your head, “It’s okay”

He gets up and walks to the bathroom in your bedroom, returning with a warm, damp cloth, “No, let me.”

He gently wipes between your thighs, his touch tender and caring. You were completely blissed out, still coming down from your high when you felt Matty gently wipe between your thighs. You watched him as he did so, noticing how tender and caring he was being. A small sigh escaped your lips as he continued, the feeling of the warm cloth against your sensitive skin was so soothing.

“Thank you.”

Matty looked up at you and smiled as he finished cleaning you up. He gently patted your thigh as he spoke, "No need to thank me, love"

You look hazily. Matty smiled at you, noticing the tiredness look in your eyes. He set the cloth on the bedside table and climbed back onto the bed, laying next to you.

"You feeling okay darling?"

“Tired.”

Matty chuckled softly and nodded, understanding how exhausted you must be. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer to him, your head resting on his chest.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head, and held you close to him as he got comfortable. The room was quiet, and the only sound was the steady rhythm of his heart beat. He felt relaxed and content, having you close to him like this, and he knew that he was never going to let you go.

Felt this was a necessity

Bros I’ve actually had enough of my life

Part 15

Word count 3075

There’s a little bit of Ross in this one so if your a Ross girlie/guy your man’s in this has a slight POV and I think it’s quite sweet mention of anxiety and drugs again in this one

Matty's POV

The walk to school was pleasant to say the least, My headphones were in ,the sky was blue and there was nary a car in sight not much to complain about on this fine morning other than the pollution in the air affecting the Ozone layer. Green house gasses and Carbon emission affecting climate change but what can a 17 year old boy do about that really. I decide to wait at the park for Ross he'll most likely want to walk with me. I pull out a cigarette while I wait lighting it in-between my lips while I guard it from the wind, I let the nicotine run through my veins and relax right into it. Ross doesn't take to long to turn up, rucksack flung over his shoulder and one shoe still needing tied. "Bloody hell, what happened to you?", He looks down right dishevelled,

He leans over tying his shoes "Stayed up last night talking to John and I slept in, missed my alarm didn't I." mans stressing, he really thought hed be late. It's kinda funny seeing Ross in this state usually it's me. The more important thing here is that he's stayed up talking to someone. That's never a Ross thing to do

"What really !?" I pat him on the back and pull his bag strap onto his other shoulder for him. His bag weighs a fuckin ton what the hell. I look at him he looks more presentable and pat down his shirt a little bit though and straighten his tie "There you go lad, looking loads better", We sit down on the swings next to each other and I hand him a cigarette and a lighter he probably needs it right now. I take another drag out of mine "on a serious note though , I do need to tell you something". I can't look him in the eye , I'm nervous about telling him what happened last night because I know he'd be upset that I didn't tell him sooner, I contemplated telling him how I felt , I contemplated texting him but I just couldn't.

"What's up Lad ?", although I'm not looking at him, avoiding all eye contact with him , boaring into the ground with my eyes. I exhale the smoke that I didn't realise I was holding. I can still feel his eyes on me "Matty you can tell me anything you know ?."After inhaling the last of my cigarette I throw it on the ground and squish the reminisce with my foot now my hands are free and I don't know what to do with them. They immediately go to my hair curling the ringlets carefully.

"I did something last night" my hands are now between my knees I'm crushing them together , it's an anxious tick I suppose something I do when I'm scared "it was stupid", although I really want to tell him I can't bring myself to say the words. I'm stalling .

"Come on lad, what happened ?". I was hyper aware of everything going on around me and how anxious I was getting. I was sweating and it wasn't the least obvious thing.

"I used again" , my hands were clammy and I still couldn't look in his direction never-mind at him, I know it's just Ross and he'd never judge me but everything around me is spinning again and my vision is going blurry and I feel like I am about to throw up . It's just nerves.

"Shit man ,I'm so sorry , why?, what caused it ?, did something happen?, why didn't you call me ?" . That's so many questions in one go , how am I supposed to answer, shit everything is going crazy and my head, it hurts , I'm dizzy and I don't want to be here having this conversation right now.

"It's a long story....I had a meltdown really...George and I were talking about music ...he threw a track together in his class yesterday and really wanted me to hear it and uh I wanted to show him that I knew what I was talking about and he wanted to hear something I'd done so I made the error of singing 102 didn't I....and everything just spiralled" . It all came out all at once . I didn't plan on telling him the whole story but when I started I couldn't stop. Word vomit comes to mind. Still no chance of it stopping there though my mind is just raving " and and ...I had forgotten that Corey had given me gear from the party we went to the other week , I was trying to be good so I didn't take it ...but I found it when I was cleaning up ....and singing 102 again without Janey just hurt and ....".I felt Ross' hand on my bank and his arm snake around me in a tight hug trying to comfort me as the tears start rolling down my face

"Hey hey ...it's okay Matty, I understand, it's alright" , He held me close rubbing his hands down my back in a comforting kind of way , I'm now soaking his shirt with my tears there's no way that it's going to subside anytime soon "Can we just go back to yours for a bit" I mumble into his shirt. I don't quite know if he heard me because he makes no effort to move. He just held me. After a few minutes more he pulled away and guided my chin to look at him "we can go back to mine, my mum won't mind, I really don't think school is the right place for you right now, it'll be okay". I was upset , more so angry at myself . I had really been looking forward to school this morning somewhat excited to maybe have a full day in lessons but now my head was throbbing and everything was telling me there was no way that was gunna happen.

"I'm sorry" , Ross is still holding on to me while we walk back to his , the guilt I feel that he's missing school is bubbling in my stomach, " You don't have to miss school you know?, not for me" . The walk to his isn't to long, he lets go of me for a second to unlock his front door and he lets me go in first and follows close behind. Once I've dropped my rucksack into his room I slip into the bathroom because I'm feeling super nauseous. Ross tentatively follows behind me "please, don't come in".

"I'll just wait out here okay , and just call for me if you need me" . He lets me close the door and if I know Ross which I do he will literally just be sat at the other side of the door. With that knowledge I rest my back against the door and slide down, and try to avoid looking at the light so I can calm down. I slip my glasses off and place them on the floor beside me and force my knuckles into my temples to try and ease the throbbing in my head "Ross do ave any more painkillers by any chance?"

"Yeh there in the cupboard above the sink", His voice is soft and quiet from the otherside, I must have gotten up from my place on the floor to quickly because as I rise the nausea comes flowing through me tenfold causing me to rush over the the toilet and heave into it making a disgusting grumble echo through the room. "Matty are you okay ?". It comes in waves a few seconds apart three more times. The toast from breakfast swiftly making an appearance. My skin is sticky the room smells rancid and my eyes are feeling that familiar sting again. Here I go crying again for god sake. Once I'm sure I have finished I lean against the cool tile on the wall behind me , loling my head back.

"I know I asked you not to come in but I've changed my mind..." before I've even finished my sentance Ross is in the room and by my side, I curl up into a ball and fall against his shoulder

"I hate this Ross , I hate this sooo much , I was in such a good mood this morning and now here I am crying on your bathroom floor not even an hour later , I don't understand any of this" , my tears are flowing at a rapid pace now and I've lost all the ability to stop them, my bottom lip is trembling. "I can't keep doing this"

"What going on up ere ?", he tapped my head in between my eye brows indicating that he's asking what's going on my head.

"Everything , Everything is going on, I'm not okay , I'm just...so...emotional....I feel unstable in my own head" .I'm clinging onto Ross for dear life right now like he's going to disappear if I let go or I'm not careful "I....I feel lost"

"Can you tell me do you know when this all started Matty, like when exactly did the first meltdown happen ?, was anyone there to help?" . I can feel his arms wrapped around me , his warmth is trapping me in this feeling of closeness and understanding. It's safety isn't it.

I speak into his shoulder "I don't quite remember when it all started but I know I was at work when it first happened , I was at work and um it was a particular busy shift and everything was just getting to much, It started with just a headache but then like 20 minutes later just everything , everything hurt and I couldn't see and the room was spinning , my hands where shaking, they sent me home and mum looked after me?". I really did think talking about it would be a lot harder but something about being in Ross' arms make it a lot easier.

"How does it make you feel after", his hands are playing with my hair he knows it calms me down. Lightly tugging on the curls running them through his fingers

"I just feel tired and a bit twitchy", I still have a slight headache but talking about it is really starting to help a small bit. "Could you get those painkillers for me lad ?".

He does so, standing up and filing through the cupboard looking for the painkillers , filling a glass and picking up my glasses from the floor, handing me them. I thank him as he sits right back where he was pulling me into him "Do you want to go lie down then , Ill ring your mum and let her know where you are so she doesn't worry ?"

"That would be nice, thank you".After necking the the pills and water and putting my glasses back on , Ross pulls me up to my feet. Guiding me to his room, my legs are are still shaky but Ross is doing a great job right now. He lays me down on his bed and sits next to me. He's only got a single bed so there's not much room for us both but I pull him close to me while he's here so he doesn't leave.

"Try to get some sleep then lad", I close my eyes and concentrate on his breathing, I know he won't call my mum until I'm asleep since I don't like it when people talk about me. He turns the TV on and plays it on low friends is playing, I can feel him slightly shake every-time they tell a joke, he gets a good laugh. I fall sleep listening to the sound of his breathing against my ear.

~~~~~

Ross POV

Once I feel like Matty's asleep, I find my phone in my pocket and fire his mum a text.

"Good morning Denise, It's Ross , which you know I guess obviously but yeh , I don't know if your free to talk or anything but just so your aware Matty is here with me , you probably got a message from the school saying he's not there but I just thought I'd let you know he's here with me and not to worry"

"Good Morning sweetheart, I did see a message from the school but I have had a minute to check it over , what happened , he seemed happy this morning when he left?"

"I don't really think it's my place to say he should really tell you himself but I'd just recommend speaking to him or just keeping a closer eye on him for a little while , There's alot going in his head right now"

"I have realised that but you know how he is just avoiding us as much as he can , but thank you for letting me know sweetheart , I'll be round to pick him up after work, please just make sure he gets something to eat and keeps hydrated, I'll let his dad know"

"You don't need to thank me, I'm just looking out for him , he's asleep right now , I'll get him some lunch when he wakes up"

I put my phone back in my pocket because I'm not sure how to continue the conversation I've never been good at talking with peoples families without them around even though Denise is like another mother to me. I just stay in my room with Matty to keep a close eye on him. I've never seen this kid so quiet, it's miracle trying to keep this lad still for longer than five seconds. I smile to myself because finally seeing him look peaceful for the first time in so long really pulls at my heart strings. The TV in the background drowning as I just watch him sleep keeping an eye out for any signs that he's having a nightmare or something.

He's been asleep for nearly an hour now , he's laying next to me I can feel him start to get a little restless slightly thrashing about not much but it's still noticeable. "Hey , Matt , shhhh , it's alright I'm ere , Matty it's alright". His grip on me tightened and I don't know if I should wake him but I don't want him to be in distress so I shake him a little "Matty your alright, I don't know if you can hear but everything is okay" . At that his eyes open a little and he squints as his eyes get used to the room around him and he pulls himself into me guarding his face from the light seeping through the window. "Are you okay?"

"It's...it's to bright, the curtains can you close them" , I get up slowly to close the curtains and Matty sits up pulling his knees to his chest and the heels of his hands pressed into his eyes

"Matty , stop your going to hurt your eyes mate, you've got to be softer". I'm next to him again in an instant pulling his hands away and holding his face so he's looking at me "Is that better?"

He's looking at me with those eyes of his, so apologetic for no reason, he looks so young "I'm sorry , my eyes just always really hurt after a headache...like there just really sensitive"

I'm still holding his face, he's till looking right into my eyes "it's okay Matt , why you apologising, were you having a nightmare"

"I don't think so, I think I was just panicking in my sleep if that's even possible"

"I think that can happen you know", You know I don't actually know if it is possible but feels like it could be and it definitely seemed like that's what was happening. "Oh uh I haven't mentioned , your mums coming to pick you up after work"

"Okay , fuck she's probably gonna take me out for a drive somewhere so I'll talk to her , I don't wanna go out I just wanna be at home" , he lets his legs go straight again and rest his head against the headboard

"Why don't you want to go out ?". I'm sat next to him with my legs crossed playing with a singular thread coming off the pocket of his trousers, "doesn't it help to talk to your mum ?, she used to take you out on drives when you were younger didn't she to help you talk more ?"

"She did yeh , she used to take me out a lot when I had things going on , or when I was anxious as a kid like when I was anxious to tell her things, it did help, I think I'm just scared to tell her what I did, she'll be so upset"

"She'd be upset but she'd understand and she would never be mad at you , you know , I know your mum she loves you , just wants what's best for ya". I really hope he gets the help he needs seeing him so fragile and scared is weird he's always been so confident in himself , we'll not always he was always a little shy as a kid but since high school he really grew into himself and became such a light in everyone's world and watching that light dim has just been so upsetting lately. "Do you think they might be panic attacks or Anxiety attacks or something"

"Maybe , it's just everything sets it off that's what bothers me is that I don't know what's going to set me off everyday because there's always something"

"We'll we can work it on them, see what helps you calm down , and please talk to your mum , you never know how much it might help ya" . I pull a cigarette from my pocket and steal Matty's lighter from his blazer pocket "want one ?"

"Sure", I offer him one of mine as I light mine, we sit in silence for a bit as I ponder what to do next because I really just want to make sure he's settled before his Mum arrives which might make him open up more.

"What do you wanna do , watch tv , fifa or just sit for a bit", picking up my remote I look through what's on Netflix "if you want the TV you can pick"

"I don't mind , we can just watch whatever" , we finish our cigarettes and he immediately pulls out a joint "this might calm me down"

"Thats alright I'll just put some music on"

And that we do and we smoke until his mum turns up. Just around the back of 1

This is My Favourite Era of Matty and I won’t be changing my mind anytime soon

It’s like Matty x Johnny Knoxville and I love it 😂😂

Matty in graphic tees: A Collection