Should I Change Instruments 😂😂

GUYS “THE SOUND” PLAYING ON HEARTSTOPPER

IM DEADDDDDDDDDDD

GUYS I ACTUALLY WANNA SOB OVER THE LATEST CHAPTER OF “HEART OUT” THAT IM WRITING , WRITING LOUIE IS ACTUALLY GUNNA BE THE DEATH OF ME OMG

@justanamesstuff @heavenfalls @medeas-chariot @tillthelandslide @1975tv @ros3chu

Boyo needs to stop chewing on his nails man (I mean my hands are constantly bleeding cuz of it but we don’t gotta talk about that )

Part 24

Word count :2079

Mentions : just talking about codependency a lot in this chapter

George's POV

"Huh?", I totally didn't even register that I'd said what I'd said until I'd finished talking and now I look like a right idiot confessing how much I want him even though I've know him less than a week. What a knob I am, my mind is spiralling while he's just sat there with the biggest cheesiest grin and blushing

"You want me all to yourself, all you gotta do is ask Georgie", I looked up at him from where I was looking at my floor slight shock in my eyes I've barley know him a week as I've already said how do I as someone something like that he barley know me , I'm mental.

"Wh...eh...what do you mean love?", He might just be messing , hopefully , I'd get it , I understand why he'd be messing I have been kinda clingy, I have been all over him to just talk to me all the time maybe he's just trying to get me to back off , in's aging that everytime I think about him all I can hear is him telling his friend he likes me.

I watch him get comfortable on the floor and concentrate on what he's trying to say his mind already looks like it's racing "what I'm trying to say is um, I know we haven't know each other long, but like I feel this kind of like peace and tranquility when I'm around you and you keep me calm and I'm happy right, and people now a days are just striving to find happiness constantly looking for the pursuit of happiness and it's like if you not happy your wrong but that's not that case but either way you make me happy I don't have to pretend with you , I want you around , no , I need you around, so what I was trying to say is if you want me then you can have me, we don't have to label it as anything just yet, we can just talk and see where it goes", his hands flailing around as he's pulling his words together looking so animated "like it's nothing you have to force yanno just see where it goes and we can like , I don't know decide what we want to do at a later date if that's what you want", he lets out a big breath after ranting and shy smiles at me while picking at the skin around his nails.

It takes me a minute to process everything he just said and I lose myself in my thoughts until I hear slight movement on his side and jump out of my thoughts "if that's really what you'd like to do then I'd really love to give it a go but I don't want to put pressure on you" , There's no way he could be interested in me I'm not that amazing. "I really like you Matty".

"I really like you to Darlin , and I want to give this a go, I haven't properly tried with anyone in a long time, that's on me but I really want to try , and I need you to know that there will be times where I'm not talkative or might not wanna talk but please just bare with me when that does happen" , I'd give him anything he needs whenever he needs it so long as I always know how he's feeling and he communicates it with me.

"I promise I'll be what you need Matty", There's a smile adoring my face and my cheeks feel warm as shit and I can tell there blushing, his face mirrors mine on the other side. "Can I hear what you where writing ?", I start swaying on my chair. Swinging back and forth as he picks up his guitar from the floor and places the pick in his mouth again as he goes over the words on the paper

"It's not done yet but I'll show you what I have", he brings the pick down and begins to strum the guitar

"Now run,run away from the boys in the blue

Oh my car smells like chocolate

Hey now , I think about what to do

I Think about what to say

I Think about how to think

Pause it , play it , pause it , play it , pause it"

But every-time he says think it comes out more like fink and I swear it's the cutest thing ever. I'm in awe of him every-time I hear him play, hearing his voice a little crackly and raw is amazing.

"Oh , we go where nobody know

With guns hidden under out petticoats

No , where never gunna quit it

No , where never gunna quit it no"

He awkwardly placed the guitar down and pulls his jumper sleeve over his hands "that's all I have right now"

"It's kinda funky actually I really like it, any discourse behind it or just a vibe?" , he's searching me , I can see he's willing himself to talk his mouth opens a few times but no words come out, "you don't have to tell me"

"No, no....no..it's okay...it's about the night of the crash really...very losely based on what happened....it was quite cathartic writing it really", I just want to be there with him and watch him go through that writing process with him, write with him , make music with him, my room suddenly gets really cold again , I guess the heating is broken and they can't get it fixed yet. I pull my hoodie around me tightly and pull my hood up. "Are you alright darlin?".

"It's just cold in here is all, wish I could hold you, wish I could have you warming me up ?" , that's when my mind travels again, Imagine he was here with me right now, laying with me on top of my grey duvet, cuddled up together watching a movie or playing video game. Just melting into one another.

"Do you want a hug", he stretched out his arms towards me from his side of the screen as if to pull me into a hug and it just melted my brain.

"Love if I could possibly even touch you right now you wouldn't even have to ask" , I'm a stage four clinger the minute he's in my presence I don't know if I'd ever let go. "But yes love to answer your question I'd love a hug right about now"

I can see Matty looking around his room then he basically jumps up from his spot on the floor exiting the screen for a second but comes back with a really fluffy cardigan "I should send you this ay, because then you'd be warm and feel like your getting hugs at the same time and a bonus it smells like me, all the best things really" , I can see him holding it tightly and I can tell it means a lot to him even though it's just a cardigan.

"You don't have to do that if you don't want to you know" , I can feel myself blushing again, this is going to be a very common occurrence when I'm around him "it does look cozy though"

"I want to give it to you though" , I can't get over how  beautiful he is right now, he looks so small in his room, the juxtaposition between his tiny body against the high walls.

"If that's what you want handsome, hey sorry but back to the song, em do you mind telling me about Janey, just so I know how to help you when you get bad, if I know about how you guys where and stuff I might be able to help” , I know this is really out of the blue but I’ve just really thought about it the last few days that telling me about her might give me better understanding on how to help him when he gets into his head.

“W…w..why?”

“Sorry that was stupid of me , you don’t have to, I uh just thought that, if I know how things were between you two I might be able to help you better when your in your head” , I begin to panic a little as I don’t want him to think I’m prying or deliberately trying to hurt him by asking about something that upsets him but if he can talk about her it might help.

“No no darlin , it’s okay, it just caught me off guard a little that’s all, we were very codependent with one another from like a really really young age, for the longest time we thought we were brother and sister , because her mum was friends with my mum and dad , so she’d be round most days we went to the same nursery , grew up with each other, one year she went to Tenerife when we where about 8 or 9 I swear those ten days where the worst days of my life, cried every single day asking my mum how many days till she’s home , the night she got back, I begged my mum to ask if she could come sleep over which she did” , he’s smiling and looks so happy talking about her , he still has his sleeves draped over his hands and he’s curled himself inwards so he’s holding his knees to his chest, I wish I could be there to lend a supporting hand, but for now all I can do is listen.

“As we got older, we were still joined at the hip, couldn’t have one without the other really but things happened with her , her mum left when she was 11 and her dad basically turned into a drunk more or less , then she kinda turned into a little rebel herself but I wouldn’t let her do anything by herself so if she got I trouble we’d both get in trouble , blood bonds and all that” , I could see him get up from his position on the floor and set himself up at his desk .

“Sorry it was getting uncomfortable down there , anyway , yeh I’d have done anything for her , she was the best thing to ever happen in my life you know , I was always trying to impress her , I know she’d never like me that way cuz she liked girls which is also another reason that when we dated it didn’t last long , but she was always so beautiful and I always wanted to be around her, so when she was drinking , I was drinking , when she was smoking , I was too , and the same when it came to coke”

“I always just wanted to keep her safe , so if she was getting high I was gunna get high with her , didn’t want her doing it alone , wanted to protect her because I know what guys where like and what they’d be thinking so I wanted to be there all the time when she was getting high so she was safe, we used to only get high at parties but then it happened more often to get us through school , or get us through work and it got really bad and people started noticing so we tried to stop , the last party we were at we both tried not to but people kept offering us and we could say no and that’s when it all went to shit really “

“Cuz uh , yeh um , we went to this party down the road…” as he’s trying to finish the story I can see him rise from his chair and start pacing around while trying to find his words hands racking together. So I let out a .

“Matty my love , it’s okay , if this is to hard , we can talk about this another time if it’s to tricky”, I’m trying to get him to hear me but he’s pacing and not paying much attention to me “Matty ?, darlin?, MATTHEW ?” , he pauses his movement and looks at me his eyes slightly glasses. “My love come sit down please , I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ask , it’s too hard for you too talk about right now”

As he sits down his head is in his hands again and I can hear slight sniffling on his end “Matty I’m sorry , I didn’t mean too”, he looks up at me and gives me a half-hearted smile.

“It’s okay darling, it’s not your fault, I just miss her like I’m missing part of me”

ooohh 🐰🧡🐸

What I think says the most in a person : I don’t really know it’s kind of a hard question , because I always give people the benifit of the doubt anyway right , but like first impression can be quickly changed , I’m always like so scared to speak to people when there loud and out there but then I’m always friends with them in the end 😂, but I suppose openness and how they treat strangers can be a good tell about how they really are (if that makes sense

What colour do I dislike most : I don’t really hate colours specifically but I despise red cars

My aesthetic: um , I steal aesthetics from others like I’ve got two on the go , buissness man who doesn’t really know what he’s doing (count Olaf 😂), then maybe 2000s ratty punk

(not t75 related)

i knew there was a reason i stopped rewatching shadow-hunters , Alec and Magnus make me actually fuckin sob the end of season three just tears my heart into a thousand pieces repairs it and tears it open again FOR. A. FULL. SEASON

This is so people get to know me a little

1. are you named after anyone?- I mean kinda but also no , there’s this one YouTuber who I was obsessed with when I was picking my name so I kinda used his first name

2. when was the last time you cried?- yesterday while watching the Finsbury live stream when Tim Healy came out and sang

3. do you have kids?- don’t have any right now but I’d love to one day

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?- all the fuckin time apparently

5. what sports do you play/have played?- I used to play football for my school , I used to be in a basketball team when I was in primary school but I don’t really do sports anymore

6. what's the first thing you notice about people?- there hair or smile , but also love to look at peoples shoes because shoes tell a lot about people

7. what's your eye color?- Blue - and they get a little brighter when I cry it scares people sometimes

8. scary movies or happy endings?- I don’t really have a preference I love all movies I’m a little movie buff ig

9. any special talents?- not specifically, maybe I pick up languages quick

10. where were you born?- Scotland

11. what are your hobbies?- skating , writing and listening to music , my favourite thing is to write , I’m not very good at it but I looooove it none the less

12. do you have any pets?- IVE got a little kitten named Count Olaf after Count Olaf from A series of unfortunate events

13. how tall are you?- I want to say 5’8 but I haven’t checked in a while

14. favorite subject?- omg I love history and English and any language class like omgl I hated school but when I had history English it languages fuck me uppppp

15. dream job?- either An author or a drummer in a band/ producer because George Daniel is my favourite human on this planet and I wanna be like him sooo much

Also fuckin hell dude I just saw the Chicago Lollapalooza “Oh Caroline” from last night , and I legitimately stopped breathing when I saw G

Here's the sub matty request

warning: smut

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“Matty—You gave me a fright, Jesus!” She gasped as she watched him walk through the door, remarkably early, his hair noticeably identical to the way it looked when he left not too long ago, and his gym bag full. “Thought you’d be happy about it.” Matty mumbled, startling her a second time when he let his bag drop to the floor with a thud. “Did you forget something? I packed your gi and your guard and everything.” “Not going anymore.” His reply was terse, but just saying those 3 words took a lot out of him. “Why not?” “You’re the one who’s been complaining that we never spend any time together when I’m home.” She heard the edge in his tone but chose to look past it. “You- were halfway there but you turned around and came back home to spend time with me? Have you told your face that? Or your voice?” Matty remained silent, looking past her and breathing deeply to keep from letting the snide comments slip out of his mouth. He felt like a balloon being pumped full of air. Slowly but surely, growing bigger, and bigger, and bigger, until finally, one last pump of air and “You’re ignoring me.” POP! “For fucks sakes!!!!” Matty yelled, both of his hands flying to his temples. “When will this interrogation end, officer?!!! Am I free to leave? Are we fuckin done here??” The balloon had burst.

Matty’s chest heaved, his eyes staring down at his shoes. The sound of his own voice from moments ago still echoed in his ears. He shouldn’t have done that. He shouldn’t have yelled. And he shouldn’t have been cruel with his words either. But it’s too late now. He can’t take any of it back. The silence between them was deafening, the air felt heavy. He tore his eyes away from the floor for a moment, to glance at her, but the second that they locked eyes, he felt the tears begin to sting. He looked away as his lower lip began to tremble. He didnt want to cry. Not in front of her at least. He recalled reading somewhere that pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth could prevent crying. His tongue raised inside his mouth, testing to see if it would work. He was overcome with guilt. He couldn’t possibly look her in the eyes after his ridiculous outburst. He turned around, to hide his face, sniffling with his back towards her.

Calmly, she walked across the room towards him. Matty wiped his tears on his arm as he felt her approaching.

“Matty…” she cooed softly. “No- I- just- need a minute.” His plea punctuated with sniveling. Disregarding what he’d said, she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. The soft gesture shook him, a loud sob tore through his chest. His knees seemed to buckle, but she quickly hooked her arms underneath his armpits him from behind, holding him up.

“It’s okay, Matty. You’re okay. Please don’t cry.” She whispered, her chest pressed to his back. It broke her heart to see him like this. “Let’s sit down, yeah? Can you do that for me?” At her suggestion, Matty straightened his legs, pulling himself together and stepping outside of her embrace. She trailed behind him, sitting right next to him and placing her hand on his back, rubbing it gently. “No, please. I don’t deserve this. Don’t deserve to be consoled right now.” Matty attempted to squirm away, shrug off her hand, but he was trapped between her body and the arm of the couch with nowhere to go. “Hush, now. None of that.” “I- yelled at you. I was mean.” He blubbered as she pulled him closer, kissing his cheek and rest his head on her shoulder. “It’s okay, Matty. You didn’t mean it.” She wasn’t shaken by any of this because she’d seen it coming, expected it for a while now. He’d been short and snippy with her since getting home. She could see the stress and exhaustion written all over his face from the second that he’d walked through the “Arrivals” gate at the airport. “I didn’t. I’ve just been- it’s been-“ he searched his mind for the right words to justify his behavior lately, but there were none. “You’ve been stressed.” She finished the sentence for him. “You’ve been working yourself to death. I mean, you’re home for- what- like….five days?” He nodded, surrendering to where he knew this conversation was going. “You’ve been here three days and I’ve barely seen you. All I see of you is getting up early to get to the studio, or to make a meeting with someone. Last night, I found you passed out on the couch, with your shoes still on.” “I’m sorry- I-“ “I’m not mad, Matty. I’m just saying. You’ve been overwhelmed. And, when you’re overwhelmed, you have a tendency to lash out. You try to control things with a tighter grip- to its like you think that if you just push hard enough, you’ll feel better, but it just makes things worse.” Matty pulled his head off her shoulder, sitting up straight. She looked into his eyes and saw him looking back. Like a lost kid, begging for direction. “Just….can’t make my brain stop. It won’t stop.” He mumbled, leaning forward and holding his head in his hands. “I feel like if I give up control, I’ll drown.” “Baby, you’ll never drown as long as I’m around.”

“You sure you want this?” She pulled his face from where he’d buried it in embarrassment, in the crook of her neck. Matty blushed when he felt the intensity of her eyes on him, studying his face for any signs of hesitation. “Yes. I’m sure. Promise.” He whispered

It wasn’t that they’d never done this before. Had sex after an argument. Makeup sex could be great sometimes. Whether it was a huge fight that left them both in tears and in need of intimacy and reassurance, or a simple spat that had blown out of proportion in the heat of the moment turning from anger to passion, they weren’t exactly shy about it. But this felt different. With one of them more vulnerable than the other, it was slightly new territory.

Matty could tell that she was still uncertain. He looked directly into her eyes. “I just- want you to break my brain. Stop it from thinking.”

She placed a gentle hand to his cheek, without a a second thought matty felt thumb next to his mouth and dipped his head lower and took her finger into his mouth.

The gesture lit an insatiable fire within her that longed to consume him instantly. And he could see its spark in her eyes.

“Ah-ah! Nope. Don’t even bother. You just lay there and look pretty.” She rounded the bed like a vulture circling its prey. “Don’t deprive me of the pleasure of peeling that uniform off of your body. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve pictured myself doing that?” She bit her lower lip at the memory, towering over him and running a finger down his shirt.

The black polyester fabric of the rash guard separated his skin from hers, but Matty almost felt himself shiver. His mind and body already beginning to surrender. That, was the feeling he craved most when they were apart.

She pulled his shirt over his head. Tossing it to the floor. His shorts followed not too long after. She stepped back for a moment, taking in the sight of him splayed out on the bed, in nothing but his underwear, looking at up at her. “the brain breaking that you’ve requested requires a special combination of pain and pleasure.” She stated calmly before turning around and reluctantly walking away from him, towards her nightstand drawer. “I need some tools.” Matty couldn’t tell what, exactly, she was rummaging around for, nor did he want to guess. He’d find out soon enough. This wasn’t about him predicting and controlling what happened next. It was about, just, letting it happen. “There’s just something about having a man like you, who looks like- that” she gestured at his biceps and his torso, be completely at my mercy. She tied his wrists, one at a time, to the bed frame. “Look at that.” She tilted her head, admiring his flexed arms against the restraints. “Gorgeous. I could sit here and stare at your beauty for hours.” Her voice small, hypnotized. She shook herself out of her trance. “But don’t worry. I won’t. We’ve got more intense things to worry about.” Matty turned his head to the side and watched her pick up his cigarette lighter. Then, she broke a piece of wax play candle out of its container and lit it over his exposed chest.

She smiled, watching as drops of hot wax dropped onto Matty’s chest making him flinch and wince. She’s started slow, one drop at a time, giving him a chance to warm up and connect with his body, but she wanted to have fun now. She tilted the candle upside down completely, moving her hand forward and directing a stream of freshly melted, liquid wax to splash over Matty’s nipples. “No- fuck!” He bucked his hips reflexively attempting to squirm away. “Shiiiit-“ as the wax spilled Matty’s primal scream filled the room, drowning out the sound of the restraints pulling at the bed frame.

She look down at the artwork she’d created on Matty’s skin. The wax had dried over his chest in all sorts of shapes and patterns, some dots lined his tattoos, other lines squiggled around or ran across his chest from the top right, over his nipple, diagonally to the bottom left just abo his hip, it was quite the abstract painting. But it was now time to scrape it off. “This may hurt.” She giggled to herself as she picked up the flogger, swinging it in the air. Matty’s eyes widened as the flogger came into view, but before he had a chance to protest, she hit him square in the middle of his stomach, knocking the wind out of his lungs and rendering him speechless. A few warm up hits later, she reigned the flogger down on him relentlessly, the pain doubling as the leather scratched at the wax on his chest. He felt breathless, sweat running down his flexed biceps, wrists struggling tightly as he winced and moaned in pain. “This what you wanted, darling?” Matty attempted to nod. She shook her head and he knew what she meant. “Sorry- I- um- fuck!” His body jolted at a particularly painful piece of wax pulling at his chest hair as it ripped away. “Yes. This is what I need. Yes- thank you. Thank you. Thank you. A-fu- than-k- you.” He chanted over and over to the rhythm of the flogger.

By the time that she’d tossed the flogger aside, Matty was gasping for breath, the skin from his chest to his hip bone throbbing, painful, bright red and bruised. “Oh, baby.” Her words were pitiful but she had a satisfied smile on her face as she sat on the edge of the bed next to him, her hands lightly touching his hot skin. “That looks painful.” She whispered, almost to herself. Slowly, she dipped her head low, placing soft kisses to the body she’d just tortured. Matty jolted at first, the soft feeling surprising him. He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy the sensation of her lips on him, but his skin was much too sensitive. He couldn’t help but whine and bite the inside of his cheek. “Ow-umm thank- ah!” “Don’t thank me yet, baby.” She glanced lower, at the obvious bulge in his underwear. If matty had his wits about him he’d probably beg for release or something, but she could tell the mix of sensations had overwhelmed him. His lay there, chest rising and falling rapidly, pupils blown, his damp curls a mess. She leaned over to kiss him quickly before moving to retrieve some lube. “Alright, my love.” Matty gasped, his hips bucking off the mattress as he felt her hand reach into the waistband of his underwear and pull at his hardened cock. His eyes fluttered shut instantly, a long, deep and guttural moan leaving his lips. “Oh- fuck- baby-“ his brows knitted, he whined pathetically as she proceeded to pump him with her hand. “Yes, yes, yes” he repeated, his hips meeting her rhythm almost automatically- without him even having to try. “How’s that feel, honey?” Matty couldn’t understand why, but that single word, “honey” is what sent him over the edge, breaking his resolve and sending him hurling into sub space. He was practically useless now. She knew she wouldn’t be able to get much of a response out of him at this point. “Stay with me, my love. That feel good?” It took him a moment to hear and process her voice. “Uhhu.” He mumbled incoherently. She tugged at his balls. “Can feel you getting closer.” All she could hear from him were non specific grunts and moans. His legs beginning to tremble and his eyes rolling to the back of his head, he attempted to ask for permission, even as he struggled to string words together. “Oh god- I- mm- I-“ “I know, baby. It’s okay. You can let go. Cum for me, Matty” He let go with a rough scream that scratched at his throat. His head pushing against the pillow, neck strained and the veins on its side, noticeable. She heard his feet fall limply back onto the bed as he came down. Everything was still and quiet for a moment. Matty was too overwhelmed to open his eyes. But he felt her hands in his hair, caressing it gently as she spoke softly and sweetly, coaxing him back into his body. “You did so good, my love. You’re always so, so good for me no matter how hard I make it on you.” She wasn’t sure if he was even listening, so she untied one of his wrists, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it. A moment later, she felt him squeeze back, weakly. Relief washed over her. “I’m so so lucky to have you. You’re perfect.” She kissed the back of his hand. Faintly, but unmistakably, she heard him whisper. “I love you.”