Why Is My Bf Only Just Finding Out That Jim Parsons Is Gay I’m So Very Confused 😳😳😳😳

3 albums I’m listening too , I don’t really do albums but I’ll try my best

1) The 1975 (Deluxe)- I don’t even think I can pick a singular song on that album but one I spend my live shouting the lyrics too is Undo - so if any I’d say that if any because arghhh I just love it so much

2) In the end it always does - By The Japanese House - and touching yourself JUST HAS MY HEART IM SOOOO IN LOVE WITH THAT SONG FUCKIN HELL I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY

3) Socialising- Michael Aldag - POLAROID makes me just go absolutelyferal

@rudiecantfail tagged me to post 3 albums i’ve been listening to lately and i was so exited to talk about music !!!!! here are the albums plus one song i think you should check out

1. unreal unearth by hozier (listen to de selby part 2!!!))

2. i heart the internet by harriette (i’m obsessed with fucking married)

3. big in the world by shakey graves (i think evergreen is the best song on the EP but it’s so short just listen to all of it!)

tagging my lovely friends who i’ve been chatting with today!! @disasterfag @moonyinpisces @davidhole @cptnvers @genderascendant

Chapter 28

Word count : 1k

I’m sorry that is so short but this is a smutty chapter and I’m not very good at writing smut I can read it all the time but I’ve never written it before I’m sorry if it’s not that good but here it is

So warning is smut and swearing ig

Mattys POV

“Now Matty , if your wearing a shirt , take it off for me and take a picture and send it to me” , so I did I pulled my shift off over my head and throw it down next to me on the bed , I momentarily take my phone away from my ear and take a picture of myself chest exposed and my hand splayed across it , after I send it off to George. “Wow your so beautiful Matty honestly”

“Thank darlin, how about you send me something too ?, I need to see you too” , with the anticipation of it can myself hardening in my jeans and I loosen my button on my jeans just so there easier to take off later and slide my hand over my body a few times, I message comes through not to long after and it’s from George again in pretty much the same layout as me laying with his chest exposed seeing the picture makes me whine a little “fuck your so pretty George” , at this I decide to put my phone on speaker and lay it next to me so I have both hands free. “Put your phone on speaker darlin it’ll be easier for you”

“I have , my love don’t worry, now how are you feeling , are you sure you wanna do this?”

“George darlin , I love that your asking but seriously, I really just need to do this”, I begin to push my jeans down my thighs stopping at my knees, and my hands travel back up to my boxers “Can I touch myself”

“Go ahead my love but tell me how you’d like me to do it if it where me okay?”

“I can do that” , I then bring my hand down , sliding it down my body till I get to my waist band and pull my boxers down too “first off I’d just ask you to tease a little bit I guess, just wind me up apparently which is weird I suppose” , my hand travels to wraps itself around me and I start to slowly rub myself as I describe what I’d like George to do “then uh then I’d ask you to actually touch me because a man can’t hold off forever can they” , I hear a small gasp from his side and it drives me a little crazy and I let out a sigh of content as I continue

“Then what my love”, he’s a little breathy already and it’s really setting me off. Little moans and sighs from his end up making my hand go faster and I moan a few times myself embarrassingly high may I add.

“Then em …maybe I’d start slowly undressing you while your touching me , then I’d wrap my hands around you too so not to be selfish ay , cuz I’d wanna see it too”

“Would you like to see it again ??”

“God yeh” , I have to see him all of him honestly I don’t know what I’d do if he was just here in front of me I’d turn into such a fucking horny 15 year old boy that I don’t look like that right now but Jesus “can I please?”

“How would you like to see it love”

“Can we switch to face time”, I feel myself unravelling at the thought of just seeing him all layed out pleasuring himself infront of me. “Only if you want too of course”

“Shit….yeh I want too” , my screen suddenly pops up as a FaceTime and I accept it and try to set it up so he can see me fully and seeing his face even in this situation just makes me smile “heya love I missed your face”

“Me too darlin me too” my hand stilled for a second so I could just look at him and admire him “your so fuckin handsome George seriously”

“Ahhh…no…nghhh…that’s you” , I can see he’s still going to my hand goes back to what it was doing and I start pumping myself faster as I watch him and I start speaking to him better this feels better

“What would you like me do argh… to you …shit …right now” , I can see him thinking off what he’d like to do and his eyes roll into the back of his head and his back rises of the bed as he groans which in turn makes me moan again.

“Jesus fuck Matty…I really…oh uh…I really wan t you too ….nghh…suck me off” , that was it for both us I could feel the not in my stomach start to pull and I was about to cum

“George I’m gunna…arghh…cum …tell me I can…let me cum” , I try to hold off until he says I can because I like when I get permission and the praise afterwards from being good is just amazing.

“Go ahead love let me see you let go”, and that’s when I release all over my hand and my stomach and at the moment I can hear him let out a stomach churning moans and I just catch him as he do releases all over himself. I’m sweating and my breathing is ragged , he looks just as fucked out as I am. We both take some time to come back to reality just breathing with each other. “That was…that was amazing oh my god “

“You can say that again , gimmie a second I’m just going to clean up”

“Me too”

We both chuckle a little as we go to clean up, I dampen a cloth and wipe myself clean of everything and smile to myself that was great. I haven’t been with someone in a while but even that beats anything I’ve done with anyone. That just felt different. I make my way back to my room as I redress pulling up jeans and putting my shift back in that I’d dropped in the bed and get myself comfy back in the bed and wait for George, he comes back not to long after he too is also dressed and his hair is tied up again and he looks so precious “Hey there handsome”

“Hi , can I say that was the best thing I’ve ever done”

5 and 12 from the questions? ☺️

5 - do I have any merch - yes , I’ve got the at there very best cap , a self titled hoodie , a notes hoodie , and the still at there very best T-shirt (from TRSMT ), there are extra things that I wanna get , I wanna buy a record player so I can collect all the vinyls and then for shits and gigs me and my bf wanna get the rolling papers 😂 , but then I wanna get anything I can

And the songs that mean stuff to me rn - 1) number one is always gunna be Nana, for kinda the same reason as Matty but it’s not about my Nana but About my Parents cuz both of my parents have passed away and that song is just sooo angelic and I feel every word of it

Then

(This isn’t usually one but rn )- Is there somebody who can watch you - Ik matty wrote it about his brother or for his brother when he left - and my baby cousin (not to so much baby he’s 18 but he’s my little one you know ) , is moving from the Uk to America for school this month and I’m happy for him but scared at the same time and I really hope he has a great time .

Then lastly Ballad of Me and My Brain - FOR OBVIOUS REASONS 😊😍🥰😊😍🥰

a request if I may… matty getting mad talking to someone on the phone and girlie is just watching him like😵‍💫😵‍💫 and he takes his frustration out on her😁

content warning: 18+ mdni, smut, p in v, dirty talk, spanking,

this has been going on for a while now: matty walking back and forth through the room and getting more frustrated by the phone call.

“fucking christ,” matty says gritting his teeth, “what’s your fucking damage?”

you’re sitting at the edge of the bed, done with your nightly routine and only waiting for your pacing boyfriend now.

sleep is the last thing on your mind though.

twenty minutes torture. matty’s little rage act makes your thighs ache because you’ve been clenching them together the second he started to cuss and swear.

“that’s not what i’ve been saying bro, fucking listen.”

your eyes stay on the veins on his forearm when he’s running his hand through his hair, letting a groan slip out of his mouth.

you bite your lip watching him, feeling your panties dampen as his conversation continues.

“you can fuck off with that.”

you inhale sharply and matty hears. he thinks you’re annoyed because you wanted to go to sleep right before his phone rang.

he walks towards you and cups your cheek as he mouths a ‘sorry’.

“actually, i’ve got better things to do, mate. calm down, roll yourself a spliff and chill out, will do you good, i reckon.”

matty is still standing in front of you, so close to touch, to do anything you want to do to him. your hands sneak around his body to his back over his soft shirt.

“nah, have a nice one, i will not fucking continue this conversation. jesus, yeah, you too.”

matty slides his phone into his back pocket, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. the tension in his jaw doesn’t ease even as he exhales sharply, muttering something about “fucking tosser.”

“i’ve been a right twat tonight,” he says, his voice softer now, almost contrite. the furrow in his brow lingers, though, like he’s still half-lost in whatever argument just happened over the phone. “sorry it took so long.”

you swallow hard, suddenly hyperaware of how close he is. the space between you is barely there, his knees brushing yours where you’re perched on the edge of the bed. his t-shirt clings to him in all the right ways, the faint sheen of sweat on his skin catching the light, and you can’t help but let your eyes wander.

you watch him for a moment, taking in the way his shoulders are still tight, his hands shoved into his pockets. he’s not looking at you directly, not yet, but the way his chest rises and falls in short bursts tells you he’s still got all that anger simmering under the surface.

“it’s alright,” you say softly, shaking your head. “but do you want to talk about it?”

his lips press into a thin line, and he tilts his head back, staring at the ceiling for a moment like he’s hoping it’ll swallow him whole. “no,” he says finally, voice flat. “you wanted to go to bed, yeah? you must be knackered now.”

you frown, your head tilting. “i’m not, though.”

he glances down at you then, his brow furrowing like he doesn’t quite believe you. “you should be,” he mutters.

you shake your head again, slower this time. “you should talk about it,” you murmur, reaching out to rest your hands on his forearms. your fingers skim over his skin, and his muscles twitch beneath your touch. “it’ll help. get it out of your head, and then maybe you won’t feel so mad.”

he snorts, shaking his head, his eyes darting away from yours. “what’s the point? won’t change anything. and, anyway, you shouldn’t have to deal with me when i’m like this.”

“i don’t mind,” you say, your voice gentle. your thumbs rub small circles against his arms, coaxing him to relax even just a little. “besides, it’s better than letting it fester. you’ll just drive yourself mental.”

he doesn’t respond right away, his gaze dropping to where your hands rest on him. his jaw tightens again, like he’s still debating it, still trying to work through it on his own. but you can feel the way his tension hasn’t eased, the way he’s holding himself so rigid, and you slide your hands up slowly, tracing over his chest now.

“or,” you say, your voice quieter, almost testing, “you could find another way to let it out.”

his eyes snap to yours at that, narrowing slightly. “what’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, his tone sharp, defensive, like he’s daring you to say it.

your fingers spread out against his chest, and you can feel the rapid beat of his heart under your palm. “it means,” you say slowly, your gaze not wavering from his, “you could do something to relieve that anger.”

his brow lifts slightly, and for a second, he just stares at you, his expression unreadable. and then he scoffs, shaking his head like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “are you serious?”

“what?” you ask softly, your voice even, steady.

“were you—” he starts, breaking off with a disbelieving laugh before leaning in closer, his eyes narrowing. “were you getting off on that? me losing my shit?”

your face flushes hot, but you don’t pull your hands away. instead, your fingers curl into his shirt, gripping it lightly as you hold his gaze.

“not like that,” you say quickly, though your voice wavers just enough to make him raise an eyebrow.

“not like that,” he repeats, his tone skeptical. his hands come down to rest on your thighs, his grip firm but not harsh, and he leans in closer, his eyes searching yours. “go on, then. explain it to me.”

you swallow hard, your pulse quickening as his thumb brushes over your cheek. “matty, don’t—”

“don’t what?” he cuts you off. “don’t call you out on it? don’t notice the way you’ve been watching me like you want to devour me. i saw, love. the way you clenched your thighs together.”

you open your mouth to retort, but the words die on your tongue when his lips brush against your neck, his stubble scraping deliciously against your skin. his hands slide up your thighs, his fingers curling against the fabric of your sleep shorts.

“that’s dirty. thought you’re being a nice girl and you want to talk,” he scoffs, “instead you just want to be fucked.”

your eyes roll to the back of your head as he continues kissing your neck and his hands wandering to your upper thighs.

“fuck, you’re warm,” he murmurs, his voice rough in your ear. “and so bloody worked up, is this what my little tantrum does to you?”

you let out a soft whimper, your hands gripping his shirt to ground yourself. “matty…”

“say it,” he demands, pulling back just enough to look at you. his pupils are blown, and his chest rises and falls heavily. “say you like it when I’m like this.”

you hesitate for a moment, but the way his hands tighten on your thighs has you caving. “i like it,” you admit in a shaky whisper. “i like it when you’re… like this.”

“knew it,” he mutters before capturing your lips in a searing kiss.

the kiss is all-consuming, a perfect mix of frustration and desire. his hands wander freely now, sliding under your shirt to grip your waist. you gasp against his mouth when his teeth graze your bottom lip, and he takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue tangling with yours.

when he pulls back he shakes his head, “you want me to be rough?”

“yes,” you breathe out as fast as possible.

“christ. alright. lay down, get on the bed.”

you nod and scoot backwards, your eyes fixated on matty, who’s already pulling his shirt over his head.

he looks divine. black jeans with a belt and no shirt, his tattoos on full display for you drives you insane. you squirm a bit, waiting for his next move.

he’s taking your feet into his hand, rubbing your skin softly.

“darling, i need you to be absolutely sure and if you don’t fuck with anything i do, you need to tell me.”

“i swear, matty,” you say, offering him a warm smile.

“perfect.”

you watch his face as he carefully and slowly grabs at the fabric of your sleeping shorts, pulling them all the way down.

“gonna let me do what i want to you then?”

“yes.”

his hands find your hips, he's sliding down the bed, just enough so his head is level with your middle, he dips his head down and presses his lips to the soft flesh, his teeth sink into your skin, sending a shiver down your spine, you involuntarily let out a soft moan.

he grips your hips more firmly, almost like you'll disappear before him if he doesn't, he moves his lips to your other hip and nips at your skin, "my fucking gorgeous girl, absolutely filthy for me," he says lowly, his breath hot against your skinz

you whimper softly as both of your hands find the nape of his neck. his mouth moves to the soft swell of your tummy and he nips at the supple skin right above your belly button.

he pulls away and peers up at you, eyes dark and full of lust, his mouth hovers over yours, "you drive me mental, you know that, love?" he whispers fervently against your lips, his fingers squeezing the meat of your thighs.

“i'm pretty crazy about you too, matty," you whisper, his cheeks flush pink at your words, still so bashful. he kisses the heel of your palm before patting the side of your thigh, "turn around for me darling, go on, all fours, need to see all of you," he smirks, his eyes full of intensity as they drag down your body.

you do as he asks and move to the middle of the bed, flipping onto your knees and walking your hands out in front of you, arching your back slightly and hiking your up ass in front of him, he moans at the sight.

"just like that," he praises softly behind you and your pussy throbs, a familiar sticky heat pools in your panties at his words. you playtully take a glance back at him, his eyes dark and half-lidded as he sits up and moves to his knees behind you, his hands run up the backs of your thighs all the way up until they meet the globe of your ass.

"look at you, so fuckin' perfect," he murmurs, oggling the curve of your ass as his index finger sneaks under the lace trim of your panties, taking the material between his forefinger and his thumb and lightly skimming his fingers down the lace, "jesus.”

matty scoffs, “s’kind of pathetic. drenching your little panties because i’m angry.”

his fingers roam down to your covered slit and you let out a soft gasp, which only spurs him on, he runs his fingers along the wet spot on your panties, smirking when he feels the wetness staining your panties, the tips of his fingers dip below your clothed slit,

"that’s my girl though, right? always so fuckin' wet for me.”

it should embarrass you, how easy you are for him but it doesn't because it's matty and knowing how much he revels in this, in you makes that small pinch of embarrassment fade away instantly...every single time.

you risk a look at him over your shoulder as he pulls his finger back out and in one swift movement he puts his finger between his lips, quickly sucking your arousal off his finger, like it's a mindless, habitual thing for him.

his hands reach for the waistband sitting on your hips, pulling the lacy fabric down, marveling at the dark fabric against your skin as he slowly drags the material down your thighs, his eyes catch the wetness soaking the lace while he pulls them down and he moans shamelessly.

“such a pretty cunt, darling.”

your eyes widen while you watch him bunch up the material and shove the lace in his back pocket and then his hand lands an affectionate smack to your ass, "eyes forward, i won’t say it again."

you tear your eyes away as he brings a firm hand to the small of your back, pressing you down and deepening the arch to his liking, you instinctively drop to your forearms- so pliant and needy for him-he brings his mouth down and sinks his teeth into the lush of your ass in approval.

“fucking christ,” he groans behind you, “you’re so easy. gonna let me do what i want to you just because you’re needy, pathetic.”

his hands grab your inner thighs, spreading your legs, now he has full sight of your glistening core, two thick fingers stroke through your folds.

"you’re a mess, darling, look at that- you’re dripping down your legs.”

his words make your cunt throb, you can't help the whine you let out, "matty, please."

matty laughs, “you’re a fucking beg. what do you want?”

"i need you, please do anything, please," you mewl, not caring how pathetic you sound.

but still, not enough for matty. a loud wet smack fills the room as he lays a firm slap to your cunt, your body flinches forward, the edges of your vision blurs and your aching, swollen cunt tingles and clenches at the harsh, yet welcomed contact.

he tuts, "that’s it? you need to try better than that, love. beg for it.”

"matty please, i want your cock. i want it," you whine and writhe beneath his firm palm.

"see? s’all i’ve wanted to hear," he cooes, his slick-coated fingers now soothing your folds. “wouldn’t be fun though if we already skipped to the best part, would it?”

he shifts behind you, sliding down off the bed, kneeling on the floor, he pulls you back towards the edge of the bed by your thighs. he tilts his head up just enough to dig his teeth into the meat of your upper thigh, just below the curve of your ass cheek and soothes the sting with a wet kiss.

you shiver, you're aching for him and his mouth is everywhere except for where you need him to be.

“stop writhing around like a needy slut,” he spits out, “you don’t want me to stop immediately, right?”

“no, no, sorry.” you plead, closing your eyes.

matty’s hands come up to grab the meat of your ass, spreading you open and gently pushing you forward for better access, he brings his mouth to hungrily kiss your inner thighs, tasting the sweet, sticky slick coating your skin and a pitiful moan slips from your lips.

“mhm, perfect.”

matty seems to have heard it and that's all it takes for his lips to make contact with your pussy, your breath hitches in your throat as he flattens his tongue and licks a long, slow swipe through your slicked folds, the first one always drawn out and meticulous and just for him.

“oh f-fuck.” you moan.

a pressure already begins to pull taut low in your belly, you're squirming in his grasp but his hands move to firmly grip your outer thighs, keeping you open for him and pressed flush against his eager mouth. he fucking laves at you, devouring and savouring you like he'd never get the chance again.

“such a perfect one, yeah. my favorite taste.”

the vibrations from occasional muffled moans and groans against your pussy make you chant his name over and over like a prayer, even though he's the one on his knees.

“jesus matty," you moan out, your eyes roll back into your head as the coil inside your belly wounds up so tight every muscle in your body tenses. you start grinding your hips back into his face, he groans in response and loosens his grip on your legs, letting you take what you need from him.

it takes a moment to come down from your high, matty not being a help at all with the same pace he has on your clit.

he flattens his tongue against your clit before he closes his lips around it, suckling it into his mouth and moaning around it, the vibrations from his mouth makes the coil in your belly snap, and you cry out, using the sheets beneath you to stifle the noises slipping through your lips.

“fucking god,” you moan, “matty- can’t.”

matty hums a “you can,” and immediately latches on again.

the tip of his tongue works small, tight circles on your clit around and around, only this time with more pressure than before and within minutes or seconds-you don't really know at this point-you feel the pressure building in your belly and it's growing stronger by every lick and suck from his mouth. his tongue flicks over your clit before he licks it into his mouth once more, closing his lips tightly, he gives it one last tight circle of his tongue and suckle to your clit and you break, your second orgasm crashes over you.

“matty,” you moan over and over again, your brain completely empty with thoughts.

a choked moan escapes you, your legs quiver as they threaten to close while your hands fist the sheets beside your head, the grip he has on your thighs holds you open for him while you come all over his mouth and he laps you up, savoring, slurping, and swallowing down everything you give him.

“fucks sake,” he groans, “perfect cunt.”

milliseconds pass and he shifts behind you, lost in the haze of your orgasm, you can faintly hear ruffling as he stands up. he leans forward, kneading your ass in his palms before bending down to lay another bite on your other cheek, this time with more fervor, leaving a mark, your skin tingles.

matty’s hand is on him, stroking himself slowly, while his other hand is touching your body.

“just a little toy for me, aren’t you, darling?” he asks, not expecting an answer, “gonna let me fuck you?”

matty positions himself right against your ass and places his hands on your hips again and squeezes, “talk to me.”

"not like this,” you whine, not daring to look back, “wanna see you.”

“aww,” matty pouts, “you’ve got too many wishes, you know?”

nevertheless he grips your thighs and turns you around so you’re on your back. you’re eyes are staring at him but it seems like you’re not there, your brain feels hazy.

“you’re alright, love,” matty says, leaning down to kiss your cheek.

you can only whine and grip the nape of his neck to receive a proper kiss.

“needy girl,” he murmurs, leaning down to give you a kiss, licking over your bottom lip before tugging it between his teeth.

your sounds are swallowed by his mouth as he keeps kissing you, grinding himself against your thigh.

“can-please,” you whine, stretching your arm out to find his cock, which is already leaking with pre cum.

matty lets out a quiet groan, you can't help but smile at this as you start to rub him between your legs, grabbing his attention back onto the task at hand.

“didn’t say you could touch me, love,” he grits out, “s’like you can’t get enough.”

“i can’t,” you smile, tugging at his hair, “can you please fuck me.”

you’re desperate. how could you not be with matty between your legs, right there.

matty slides inside of you roughly, not slow and steady, not giving you any time to adjust, he’s using you.

“fuck, this what you wanted?” he asks as his eyelids flutter closed.

he’s got one of your thighs in his grasp and he's pushing it up against your ribs as he begins a steady pace with his hips against yours. there’s strings of your slick attached to his upper thighs from your inner legs rubbing against him.

matty notices immediately, “fucking christ, you’re making such a mess, s’heavenly.”

“matty,” you moan, “you- s’perfect.”

“yeah?”

matty brings his right hand back down to continue flicking your clit back and forth with his wet fingers.

you bite down on his shoulder. your propped up foot thuds softly against his back as the other one grips onto the sheets.

"feel nice?" matty asks into your hair as you bite down onto him, “fucking enjoy yourself?”

“feel so perfect," you whine against him. "jesus, so good,” you slur.

his weight is pushing you down so you can't wiggle away from any of the stimulation he's giving you. it accumulates quickly and, just laying there and taking it, you don't get enough time to warn him you're close.

you’re clenching around him uncontrollably, rolling your eyes back and clawing your nails into his shoulder blades.

“let me have it, come on,” he groans, rutting into you as deep as before, “come for me.”

he fucks you harder, his pace frantic. "such a perfect cunt, darling." he groans, dipping his head into your neck to nip at your skin. “my gorgeous girl."

"oh, god, matty..." you cry, your orgasm quickly approaching, unable to stop it no matter how much you want to prolong the feeling.

it doesn't take long before your orgasm crashes over you, pulsing through you in waves, back arching off the bed as you reach out for anything to ground yourself. hands finding the back of his head, pulling him into your chest.

“just like that, perfect, darling.”

he follows soon after, his cock pulsing inside you as he empties himself into you, collapsing on top of you, his chest heaving.

“fuck,” he exhales, moving one more slow time again to torture the both of you.

you’re overstimulated, your legs hurting so good there are tears prickling in your eyes. you brush your hands over matty’s shoulders and back, humming as you try to love on him.

“you still angry?” you ask, smiling to yourself.

matty groans when he lifts his head to look at you, stealing a quick kiss, “nah. unless you want me to be,” he jokes.

“give me a break,” you giggle.

“i love you, darling,” he murmurs, sliding out of you, hissing at the cold air.

you scrunch up your nose in pain, your ass, thighs and the skin between your legs hurting real good.

“i’ll draw you a bath, don’t worry, love.”

you enjoy this the most. matty being the sweet boy you’ve known forever, his only mission to take care of you.

Oki I just HAD AN AMAZING idea for a one shot (maybe more idk yet) , but I need to go over it with someone first to make sure it’s not weird or out of context

Someone wanna chat about it !?!

Chapter 22

Can’t remember the word count I publish it in Wattpad before noticing

Some smut in this one

This chapter takes place at the same time as George's just from Mattys perspective

Mattys POV

I didn't wake up too much that night, I was calm for once wasn't restless I just slept. I don't really remember what time it was that I went to sleep it wasn't to long after I called Ross though. I woke up to no alarm or Louis this morning though so my mum must have let me lie in. Bless her. I lay there in bed for around ten minutes really just staring at the roof relaxing in the quiet of the house just basking in it. Then I get up to roll a cigarette picking up my lighter from the bed side table then climb up onto my windowsill and smoke out of the window, slowly , watching the busy streets and people pass by, It so interesting watching people going about there normal lives , how many of them could be suffering but still just take the day head on you know. I drag out the cigarette and just enjoy the peace and people watching. When I'm finished is when I decide to see what my friends are up too. I open up Snapchat first off there's a few messages from Ross asking how I'm doing , if I'm going to school , then when he released I wasn't , just one saying he'll drop by later. I then spot a message from George and when I open it my mouth drops and I gasp "fuck me", he's shirtless ,

his hairs down, his arms look strong and his shoulder so broad I can't take my eyes away from my screen I happen to be staring even well after the picture has gone. I shake my head to get myself to concentrate a little I then feel some movement in my lower body and I left up the covers a little and see I have a semi "Wow that's not happened on it's own in a while" , I kind of don't really want to make it go away, it hasn't happened in its own in so long it's a good feeling. No if I talk to George he might be able to help actually might make it better so that's when I actually decide to reply even though it's been sat on opened for like 5 minutes now, I send off a cheeky little message that hopefully he understands that I'm letting him know I might be ready "

“That's not the best way to wake a man up G 🫠😉, I know I said it takes a while to get things going sometimes but stuff like that will surely work" , and really I usually does take so long now a days to get me worked up , I've been with a few girls in the past few months and they've really had to go for it the meds made it really difficult but that fact it's back to "normal" must mean Georgies doing something right. My hand trails down my body and stops at my waist and of my boxers and I'm kinda nervous about it I don't know why. But before I have a second to even do anything a message comes through from George "I hope you liked it" , bro I can guarantee I more than liked it, I want his help to fix it but I know he's on school and it's kinda upsetting BUT maybe messing with him at school might be a little fun and a little risky, I know what this lads like. So I just send another message back just of me in bed  "

More than satisfactory Darling ...but I may have to go sort myself out first before I chat yanno", my hand is now in my boxers and typing with one hand isn't the easiest thing to do but I'm going to do it if I have to. My other hand is just slowly rubbing myself slowly just releasing some pressure it feels good actually. His next snap comes through and he looks looks amazing as always all flustered and cheeks a deep tinge of red and I know he's trying to keep himself composed a little  " This is not the right place Matthew", oh trust me I know it's not but if I can just mess around for a little longer that would be fun. The fact he also called me Matthew in this instant send an jolt of excitement right through me, it makes me shiver a little bit. This time I try another tactic, I pull up the camera and flip it and take my hands from my boxers and pull the duvet down a little as I film it , sending it to him with a smile on my face then I quickly send another quick message after letting him know there's no sound so he's safe to play it but i captioned the video with

" You can't be seriously telling me you don't want to see", No picture message comes from his end this time and it's kinda s sad but all I get is a " Love you know I want too , but I'm in class right now", Fuck me man , I drop my phone on my bed and decide this needs to be taken to the shower because I don't want to make a mess of my bed sheets that's kind of embarrassing.

Once I've taken my boxers off I jump in the shower and let the water run warm the images of the other day came pouring into my head , this is when my hand lands back on my dick and I start to rub myself slowly savouring the moment a little , his little flustered movements trying to keep himself together, my head gets a little faster as I indulge the fantasy a little imagining if he had taken it further on the call this causes me to moan into the empty bathroom echoing through it and it's music to my ears. My brain travels to the images of George being flustered and trying to contain himself while at school trying to hide it from people around him "fuck" , as my hand gets faster I can feel my climax coming but due to the pills having messed everything up it hurts a little i hiss through my teeth as I try to push through it , and my climax comes not to long after. Once I'm done I start to actually wash myself down now. Turn the heat up and just relax in the shower peaceful again.

Once I'm done in the shower I wrap myself in the softest towel I own, No messages yet so I send off another picture to George " it would have been more fun if I had your input darling but Wow , that was very much needed ay", I go about just getting myself dressed for the day once I'm prepared I drop down on my bed again and pull my phone out "Sorry about that , anyway how are you?" , I know I can be alot and if he's not interested in me that could have been a bit much for him.

After sending that, I really want to ride some music so I trundle off to get my guitar and notebook and I get myself busy as I turn flip through my notebook and find lyrics that I'd been writing and there's a lot coming to me right now, bringing me back to that night

"Pause it , play it , pause it , play it , pause it"

"Oh my car smells like chocolate"

There was a lot going on that night, we did a lot of mad shit that night, someone was chasing up, we were height as fuck , and we were just messing us about, we'll I was she was trying to drive.

"Hey now, we're building up speed as we're approaching a hill"

Trying to get a melody to this will be hard but I swear it's going to be done. I get lost in the writing and I got so far George messages me back after a while. "you I'm alright love , my dad was doing my head in this morning so I'm a little iffy but I'm fine , how are you feeling?", Bless , family can be annoying sometimes , a reply doesn't come for a long time, but I'm not going to fuss him too much he's at school I can't expect too much but fuck unless I'm writing my mind will wonder and im getting reckless. We have a small back and forth about how we're doing

He replied a while later but it was just a blank screen saying that's he's proud of me for being okay but I'm more concerned about the blank screen

Is he okay ?

Chapter 25

Word count : 2917

This chapter contains , a lot of mention of drugs and drug use , anxiety and being high

This chapter is written in a slightly different style I hope you enjoy but please give me feedback if you prefer it the other way or this way. It's not to much different just more clear demographics of who is typing when it comes to texting I suppose but yeh I'd still love some feedback that would be grandly appreciated ❤️

Matty's POV

It really wasn't George's fault that I got so worked up over a single question he was just trying to help, and I genuinely am so grateful for him and everything he does for me but I'm fragile and my state of mind is so frail , has been for the longest time and certain stuff sets me off, George left the call a few hours ago his Mum came home so he had to go talk to her about what happened at school and then I think he got caught up with studying, we're texting but I still feel like I'm going to explode my anxiety has been through the roof since he's been gone, I meant it earlier when I told him he calms me, he's like the literal embodiment of Pablo Picasso's painting of the Dove of Peace that represents peace and unity, maybe a little pretentious of me but it's true , he's like a lighthouse in a storm if you may.

I'm currently sat with my Mum, Dad and Louis , watching Star Wars , my Mum thought it would be good if we all spend sometime together, When she got home from work she could tell I was hopped up and skittish, she did try to speak to me but I said I was fine but she insisted we all spent some time together. Really all I want to do is go get high or drunk at this point I don't really mind which option is pulling me in most. My mum had poured herself a class of red wine before we started the film and it's all that's been on my mind since I sat down, I doubt I'll be allowed anything, my dad usually offers me a beer but right now I don't think they'll let me and Louis is sat on my knee and I don't want to disturb him, I'm biting my nails now trying to concentrate on the film and not the ticking of the clocks in the room that are surely just going to blow my brain up in a minute.

"Matthew", my Mum brought me out of my haze.

"Mhm", my reply was muffled by my mouth still chewing on my nails.

"Hands", I look at her quizzically for a second as I don't quite know what she means, "stop chewing your nails love", my hands drops from my mouth immediately

"Sorry Mum" , I carefully lift Louis of my knee must to his protest and ruffle his hair, "my eads really cloudy right now I can't concentrate, I'm just going to lay down for a little while, I'm sorry".

"You alright son", I just nod at my dad with a halfhearted smile and make my way upstairs the quiet of my own room and head probably won't be much better but I just need to be alone. I make it to my room and just slump down on my bed the duvet felt to soft but also really scratchy but there's nothing I can do about that right now, I feel like I was just laying there staring at the ceiling, falling into a spiralling vortex with nowhere to go but it was really only a couple of minutes. My hands where twitching like mad and I could just feel a tingling sensation through my whole body and I hated it. I knew what I needed right about now so I instantly pull my phone free from my pocket and scroll through my texts till I find his number

Corey (Bigman) , If I could trust anyone to have anything to quell my anxiety Corey would have it so I fire him a quick text

Matty: yo it's Matty , are you about!

Corey : yeh bro 😎, what you after?

Matty: I don't know just something to calm me the fuck down.

Corey : right no worries man, meet me at the oak in ten yeh don't be late.

Matty: cool.

I sit up a little resting on my elbows to keep me steady taking a second to just breath or at least try to relax my breathing, then scrub my hands down my face and go back downstairs "I'm gunna go for a walk clear my ead, I'll be back in a bit yeh, it's only about 8, I'll get something from the shop if you want", I pull on my old tattered black vans and I wait for a response and shove my wallet into my back pocket , stick my head round the door and notice that Louis has fully zonked out on the couch "do you guys want anything from the shop?"

"No thanks love, please be safe, call me if you need anything and don't be long alright, I know it's summer and it's light out but you still need to careful , come give your mum a hug first first" , I roll my eyes and smile while I make my way over and pull my Mum into a tight hug. "We love you Matthew , be careful alright"

"I love you too Mum" as I pull away I try to sent the most reassuring smile her way. "I'm alright though" , I say goodbye again leaving the room and snag my jacket (Jamie's jacket ), from the coat rack and slip out the door, and start the journey to the Oak Hill, on my way I send a Snapchat to George not really of anything just the scenery and just put a little heart on the screen before sending. The walk is peaceful really besides a few hoodlam kids across the other side of the road making the biggest ruckus for absolutely no reason but I ignore it. After about five minutes I get a reply from George a pretty artsy picture of all his school books on his desk

George: where you off to love❤️?

Again I don't really send a snap because if I'm going to show him around Manchester I want to do it in person not through a screen or pictures , Pictures rarely do anything justice

Matty: just on a walk darlin , tryna clear my head , how's the enforced studying going 😂

George: it's an absolute nightmare honestly I don't know how people do this on purpose , clearing your head are you still upset?

Matty: honestly yeh my heads all over the place still but it's okay I'm trying to calm down darlin , also I can 100% feel your there studying is the worst thing about of school 😂

George: I'll call you once my parents go to bed I'll just need a minute to be sure so I don't get caught, I miss your face already love.

I quickly skim read his message again and slip my phone in my pocket and turn the corner coming face to face with Corey, he's got a joint in between his lips and I can see he's holding another in his hands with a lighter next to him. He looks up at me nodding and hands me the joint

"Have this with me first lad then I can hook you up with gear yeh"

I willingly take the joint and quickly flick the lighter a couple of times before the end lights up sparking an amber glow and I inhale the contents deeply sighing as I release "This is good shit"

"Quite strong so It might calm you down lad" he pats the ground next to him indicating for me to sit with him, I pull him up in the offer and slide myself next to him. Watching as he fiddles with my gear in his pocket and passes it over to me. "You given me good weed recently too lad so I'll give you this for free, but please be careful", I nod along with him as I take the baggie from him and slip it into my pocket. "What's up lad, you haven't come to me in a while, what's troubling ya.?"

"My heads all over the place and I can't shut anything up, I just want everything to be quiet for a bit, be able to breath you know" , I continue to inhale the substance and then go back to texting George as Corey starts trying to help me through something, he's not the smartest button in the box. I take a picture of the joint in my hand the flash causing the smoke to seem grey and float across my screen

Matty: "I fuckin miss you too man Jesus , it's not even been that long and it's scary, and yeh please don't get yourself into anymore trouble, we can call when you can , I don't know if I'll be home straight away but I'll let you know yeh"

With that I slip my phone into my pocket and pull the baggie out again "you wanna share it then Corey, I don't mind" , as I'm saying this I pull out my credit card from my wallet and preparing what I need , the oak is a very secluded area no one will catch us, I don't even know if it's an oak tree to be honest it's just a tree on the outskirts of the park that's been chopped down and just lying there , kids come here all the time to drink and party in summertime. I take a bump from the coke from the corner of my card letting it take through my body, it makes me shiver a little, and I then pass the stuff over to Corey as I feel my blood start to heat up a little. I take a seat leaning against the trunk of the tree and lol my head backwards and stare up to the sky, the starts looking like tiny torchlights leading the way to the heavens and they spin around us slowly , after a while Corey sits next to me

“So man , is it working is your head quieting down yet bro ?”, come to think of it it has a little, there’s still that anxious lump in my throat and my heart is still going a million miles a minute but my brain is a little quieter. A little foggy but quiet.

“It’s a little foggy and everything is still really grey and colourless but yeh it’s quiet”

“What had you so hopped up in the first place lad”, he pulls more papers out his pockets and starts rolling another joint as I close my eyes and let the world go on around me talking as i fall into a peaceful state of bliss

“I don’t wanna talk about right now” , once Corey finished rolling the joint he passes it over to me and I light up again bringing it to my lips inhaling then ask “bro got any drink on ya”

“I’ve got beer in my bag”

“That’ll do , not the best but it’ll do”, he pulls a can of carlins from his bag and passes me a can as well as opening a can for himself. “Bro how do you always just know what I need”, He’s known me a while now and always been able to set me up some good gear when I’ve needed it.

“I just know you bro”, we just spend some time drinking and smoking, we did a few more bumps of coke. It has been about an hour and a half at this point my brain had stopped racing everything was quiet and I was getting really tired. Corey was zoned out next to me and I was nearly half asleep. “I think imma go now lad, are you coming or are you just gunna sit for a bit”

“Nah man I’m good ay, just leave me one last can will ya”, I didn’t feel like what I said was actually how it came out, everything was slurred and just blending together as I said it but I’m sure he understood. “Thanks again Corey, you always have what I need when I need help”

“It’s cool bro don’t worry”, he got up from his place on the ground probably at a normal speed but too me it looked like everything was in slow motion and he dropped his last can next to me. “Be safe yeh”, after we said our goodbyes he walked off back in the direction of the park.

I don’t know how much longer I sat there just nursing the beer that was left for me , but eventually I started to feel like I was sinking into the ground my heart started beating faster, a lot faster than normal which started to freak me out a little. Causing my breathing to come in fast burst. This makes me open my eyes and everything around me spinning , making my head hurt “not again nah I can’t do this right now” , I pull my phone out and start stabbing at my screen trying to find someone’s number, anyone’s number I don’t care who at this point. The more I search the more I start to panic I hate this. Eventually my eyes fall on Ross’ name and I click his name and bring the phone to my ear and hear it ring a few times and it goes to voicemail “no, no, no , please pick up”, I press his name again hearing the ringer go through again “please Ross pick up” , I’m beyond panic at this moment and I can’t concentrate right. Eventually he does pick up

“Yo Matty what is it?”

“Ross , is that you!”

“Uh yeh , you called me so I’d assume you know”

“Ross I’m scared I need you, can you come get me please”

“What do you mean you scared , where are you!?”

“I can’t breath and my brain feels like it’s going to explode”

“Matty mate , where are you?”

“Um …I …I’m at the. Uh the oak”

“Okay lad, I’ll be five minutes, do you want me to stay on the phone”

“Please…Ross please make it stop”, I could hear him on the other side, pulling on his jacket and his keys rattling as he pulled his door shut.

“What did you do mate?”

“I just needed my brain to shut up for a second, nothing was working, I needed it stop…and and…and it did…but now I can’t …can’t breath”

“Matty ….I swear you need to tell me , what did you take” , he’s outside now I can hear the crunching of leaves under his feet , Ross’ house was just around the corner so he shouldn’t be too long.

“How long will you be?”

“Stop swirving lad what did you take?”

“Um I uh. I …the usual” , I could feel water running down my face now, I don’t know when I stared crying but apparently I had.

“Mate , seriously , what’s wrong?, I’m just round the corner”

“I don’t know what’s wrong Ross, I really don’t know” , as I was finishing that senatnce I could hear him trudging through the forested area behind me but I couldn’t lift my head properly for to long “is …is that you ?”

“Yes , I’m going to hang up now”

I heard the dial tone give out and then Ross was running over to me “let’s get you up okay …on three yeh”, he wrapped an arm around me and he tried to pull me up “1, 2 , 3” , I pushed a little as he pulled me up. “Where going back to mine okay?, you can’t go home like this”, I just subtly nodded because even just slightly moving my head hurt so much, he wrapped and my arm around his shoulders and we began to walk back to his in silence which didn’t feel good but I just couldn’t conjure up a sentance.

We stumbled through his front door, I could hear his mum calling from the bedroom asking what was wrong and he just told her that I was out and I’m a bit pissed so I’m staying here rather than going home that made me chuckle not in a good way “bit pissed as if”

“Bro this ain’t funny come one,” we made our was upstairs he dragged me along with him taking one step at a time. It was hard even just walking never mind conquering stairs “where do you need to go , lay down or vomit”

“Nah nah I just need a lie down” , he pulled me into his bedroom and helped me up to then bed and he sat next to me softly pulling my head into his lap and laying against the headboard

“What are we gunna do with you huh?”

Right I am actually not having a fuckin giggle rn I swear I walked past John Waugh like an hour ago and I didn’t fully realise it was him till I was past him and felt to awkward going back wtaf is my life

Blurb idea like maybe when they are in a relationship george is like matty u need a hair cut but he agrees to george cutting it if he lets matty do the same to him

See first off I see them just playing FIFA or watching a documentary on the TV and Matty is laying on George’s lap while George threads his hand through Mattys hair but his fingers keep getting caught in knots so he looks down at him as Matty is falling asleep and he’s like “Hey love ! I think it might be time for a haircut again”, in Mattys sleep addled brain he just nods not really hearing what’s George says

But the next day when there out George stops outside a barber Matty is like “what are we doing “, George then retells Matty agreed to last nigh but Matty is stood shaking his head “I don’t want to George , I like my hair like this” ,

“But it’s getting long love it getting knotty”

“I can just brush it more”

George then explains that everything will be okay, and the he’s getting his hair cut too so there’s nothing to worry about , they can get it done together, quickly an idea builds in Mattys head and George can tell he’s thinking “what’s that face about huh?”

“I’ll get my hair cut if you do it , I can do your too”, he’s smiling at George now and George can’t really see why it would be a bad idea for them to do it for each other because if they mess up it’s fine they can both just buzz it.

“Alright”

So later on the day

A laughter can be heard trailing through the loft that they share together and laughter along with a drowned buzzing, Matty was stood over George and George is sat on the floor in the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his shoulders so that hair could be collected easier

“So how would you like your hair today Mr Daniel?” Matty enquired just like he was an actual barber.

“How about you just buzz it love , that’ll be new and easier to control “ Matty was stood for a second contemplating the idea, trying to imagine what it would look like then he slowly brings the clippers to George’s hair a begins his art work. Still pretending he’s a barber

“Any plans this weekend then”

“Just studio work really and date night with Matty, that’s why I’m getting a haircut, he should be through next” , Matty laughed along with him smiling at the prospect of Date night, they’d been so busy lately that they hadn’t gotten to do much together as of late. When he was finished George’s hair he put the clippers down and carefully pulled him up to see in the mirror

“Do you like it”

“I love it Matty , thank you, it’s your turn now”

Matty takes George’s place on the floor slightly nervous “can we just put it a little bit shorter, I don’t want it to short and maybe just tidy up the sides” , he was combing through his hair explaining to George how he’d like it and how it needs to be done

“That I can do love”