Chapter 13

Had to post this because my fanfiction is not vibing with me and it’s named after this song so I had toooo just to vibe to feel like I could post something to do with it

Chapter 8

Word count : 3793

This is also from George’s POV , this chapter took so long to put together and it was really hard to find the right things to say at points but I think this might be one of my favourites

George's POV

I woke up multiple time that night and into the early morning maybe it was a subconscious effort I was making to be there for Matty if he woke because I know he really needed someone to rely on. I can do that right, others have done it for me. It can't be that hard. What time is it, I looked over to my Alarm clock that was blinking violently at me letting me know that it was only 3:15, Damn that's far to early to be thinking so deeply about anything yet. Do I have a joint to calm me down?, Yes I think maybe I might. After rolling the joint I saunter over to my window to watch the quiet London suburb come to life. The street lights were dimming and the sunrise was a coccofany of oranges and pinks bleeding together looking like a real life Claude Monet painting spilling from the early morning sky. The amount of sunrise pictures I actually ave collected on my phone over the last few years is wild. I'd send them to Laura my exgirlfriend in the mornings when she's had a rough day, Maybe Matty would like that . I pick up my phone from the bedside table and quickly snap a pick and send it to him with a little note of.

"I hope this makes you smile."

I don't know if he would even enjoy it but I'd like to hope it would help.Once I've exhausted all the fumes from the joint my brain feels more clear so I think I'll try to get a little more sleep.

4 hours would be just grand.

The next time I am woken by my alarm going off right next to and quite frankly scaring me half to death. Blinking awake I realise Matty's call is no longer connected. That a little disappointing but I really hope I made his night somewhat better.

Anyway it's time to get up now I guess. On my way to the bathroom I knock on my sisters door to make sure there awake and to make them aware I have first dips on the shower. "By Christ it's cold in here". The bathroom is even colder than my bedroom, I swear this house is actually a fucking igloo sometimes. I turn the shower on and wait for the steam to envelope the room before stepping in the heat of the shower really relaxing my stiff muscles.

I had time to think in the shower about how to understand Matty's issues and how to help him. I think people always have there best thoughts and ideas in showers it's the calmness of it all. The calm before the storm of the day if you please.

Once I'm out it's now warm in the room the steam sticking to me so I quickly get dressed so I don't suffocate in the heat and then open the window to defuse the room. Leaving the room back into my bedroom I set my bag up again for the day and finally pick up my phone to see any message I had a few from Adam and a Snapchat from Matty I sit down on my bed and open it, it's just him layed in bed smiling "damn the colours in the sunrise." Ay he liked it, I reply back "Good morning love". I know I probably shouldn't be getting to attached to someone I barley even know but I want to help the most I can and showing you care helps right?. I don't have to leave for at least another half hour so I take out my laptop and start muddeling through some mixes I have to see if I can make a good track just to occupy my mind. Then at that Matty replies he's now in his uniform he's looking pale still but at least a little more put together than yesterday "g'morning G" along with a song attached "The Rock Show" by Blink-182 that's not a bad song not the best but maybe there's a reason he picked that or maybe it's just a song he likes. I reply back showing him I'm all ready for school "oh look at you school ready , also that's a classic tune bro" . This track just won't flow it doesn't even have a name but maybe I'll get there soon I've got two weeks before I have to turn it in I'm sure I'll get there it's a lot of sounds and noises really nothing mixed properly yet music production is what I want to do one day so hopefully I can pull this off. After another ten minutes the track begins to annoy me so I stick my laptop in my rucksack and just decide to leave a little early to see Adam and Joe. Matty messages back while on my walk he's also outside he's got a joint in his hand and he's actually smiling "yeh man it's a get up and go song you know, but anyway yeh I look ready for school but can't say I'm mentally prepared in all honesty". Here we go I can be a knight in sighting armour for him. "How you feeling today?."

His reply comes almost immediately "I'm not gunna sit here and lie and say I feel on top of the world or even good yet but having someone watch over me last night felt good, thank you man"

"Anymore sickness this morning, Are you sure you should be going in today." I'm waiting at the bus stop now with a bunch of other kids one of them knows Laura so sits there sending me evils the whole time like it was my fault we split but really it wasn't I stick in my headphones and drown out the world while I wait for the bus. Matty's reply come through just as the bus turns round the corner

"I haven't been sick yet but I've got maths first, I'm just doing it with my head of year this morning rather than in the actual class but my stomach and head are still swimming , I should be okay though."

"Can you promise you'll keep me updated on how your feeling today and if you do get sick let me know , I know there's not really anything I can do but I just feel the need to look after you"

"That's great but I can look after myself I don't want to stress you, but I will tell you if I get worse"

I board the bus after showing the driver my bus card and make my way to the back shoving my large frame into the very corner, hiding myself away from other people who may board. I watch the world fly by around me, the school is a twenty minute ride away it gives me time to message Adam realising I'd never actually replied.

"Where we're you last night man"

"Are you coming to school"

I totally forgot I had said I was going to Adams last night

"Yo dude I am so sorry I got caught up with something last night I really am sorry I'll come over tonight if that's okay, and yeh I'm on the bus now, I'm sorry again"

"Bro you weren't seriously up all night trying to get Laura back we're you we've been over this"

"No I wasn't , I haven't spoke to her in like 2 days bro"

Adam is always so quick with replies I don't know how he does it.

"Then what we're you doing"

"I was just helping a friend, they were having a tough night so I was hanging with them to calm them down ."

Mid way through the conversation with Adam another snap from Matty come through so I click through my home screen and select Snapchat opening Matty's message it's just him in his head of years office I'd assume and he already looks done with it. I snap back with a laugh "you already finished with it bro ? How longs it been 5 minutes"

He replies immediately but I miss it as I start to get my stuff together to get back off the bus and meet Adam at the front gates where I always meet him.

He's stood there with his new girlfriend and Joel, Adam is the most mature of us guys he knew how to treat people right , he was the smartest and he just understood people , maybe he could help me understand Matty emotionally.I wave once I get off the bus so I can grab his attention we nod at one other and Joel comes running over grappling me into his arms "Adam was just telling us you were up all night chatting up some new fling" . Joel was the gossip.

"I never said that, I was helping a friend, how is that chatting up a new fling?" I put quote marks up when I said "new fling" because I don't thing I even had an old fling I've only ever been with two people Laura and Joel himself yeh im bisexual. We were young though so we didn't really know anything we kissed a few times and we held hands and did cute stuff together but we didn't know anything but hey he was cute but things were different with Laura I knew what to do and how to do it and I always went through with stuff and played the motions but I can't really say I enjoyed it that much like yeh I loved her and we dated for quite some time but if I really think about it I didn't like her sexual. I loved her but as a friend I suppose I just thought it was different because she was the only girl who's ever shown me any attention.

We make our way to the building we all had music first thing so we made our way there all messing about and shoving each other around as we spoke Adam and Joel sat next to each other and I sat next to Carly Adams new girl, he'd been pinning over her for months, maybe even years I'm so happy he finally got the balls to ask her.

When we sit down Adam and Joel get caught up in a conversation about the new guitar Adam just bought and Carly turns to me "So the new imagery friend are they cute?"

"Um ....he really is only a friend he's having a really hard time and I've only known I'm like 42 hours maybe not even that there's no way I'd be looking at him in that way". I feel myself blush anyway because although we haven't known each other long I can still appreciate when someone is attractive "but uh yeh if your asking he's actually so attractive but I don't even know if he's gay". I scratch the back of my head and fidget in my chair a little as she's still looking at me "but I'm really just helping him get over whatever is bothering him"

"But would you like to get to know him and maybe like be in his life as more than just someone who helps him?"

"Maybe once he's better I'd love to see where the friendship take us". While talking about him I realise I hadn't noticed a reply for a while so I pick up my phone to check and yes there it is a message sent ten minutes ago I open it to see his face his eyes are bright and he's pulling on a single curl pulling it though his hand "I'm just bored is all , Miss Conner's isn't here yet, but I was just thinking about taking up that offer of you made me about helping with my maths GCSE". I start smiling at the fact that he was thinking about me, then set myself straight that he was only remembering a conversation we had but just as I'm about to reply Carly taps me "hey let me see" . I turn my phone toward her so she can see him and I'm smiling at her "wow he really is pretty"

"Yeh" I turn my phone back to myself and reply with just a message saying that I'd very much be down to help him whenever he needed it and put a small kiss after it just to test my luck and shove my phone back in my pocket because if he's going to be with his head of year all day he won't be allowed much time to reply and just with the my teacher walks in Mr Gardner the coolest teacher one could ever have. He's always helped me a little more than others I guess and he's always said he sees me going places. I've brung him a few demos over the last few years. He starts talking about todays lesson. He's really just giving us extra time to prepare our new mixes. I roll my eyes and sigh because this new demo has just had me defeated for a few days now and I just can't get it right. But he only speak for about ten minutes and let's us get on with our respective challenges this is when I turn back to Carly "Hey do you think you or Adam would be able to give me some advice, maybe you because you might be more sensitive about it with you being a girl and all"

"Sure what's up " she's still tapping away on her laptop while she's talking to me , very much engrossed in the work she's doing.

"We'll uh Matty that's the name of the guy I'm talking to is having a really tough time from what I can gather and he's been ill , I haven't witnessed them but he's cried a lot so he's possibly having panic attacks don't quote me on that , he's thrown up like 3 times in the space I've known him , he's so lost in his own head and I don't know how to help him"

"We'll do you know what's bothering him, he might just be sick and not coping very well because some people get like that when there sick they get tired easy"

I take out my laptop to try and get something done while talking to her if I have something to keep my mind at rest I might not get too nervous talking about it "He hasn't really told me anything other than he's stressing about exams and that he's really in his head right now"

"We'll really all you can do is be there for him , like how did you help Laura when she needed it" she looked at me then with a somewhat questionable look on her face.

"I could always just be there whenever she needed me and i just stuck around and talked her through stuff, but this is different I barley know him but I feel overprotective of him" the blush starts to creep up my neck and onto my face I try not to look at Carly and stay focused on the screen in front of me.

"Someone's smitten already are we." She's smiling at me knowingly , knowing that I can get attached to people really quick. It's actually amazing to think how quickly I can get attached to people but yet never having fully been in love. I'm just a hopeless romantic who feels the need to protect people. K night always there to save the damsel in distress so the saying goes.

"No I'm not smitten, he's just different he intrigues me is all?". He does interest me, he's like a lost soul trying to find a distraction in a future dystopian hell. Trying to fill a void. Trying to find himself. That could be the name of the track Lostmyhead. I know it's not my head that's lost but it just feels right. Now that I've got a name I can get the understanding for the track and I can maybe get Matty's input. I don't know if he's that into music but his in put might really be good. It's all coming together I plug in my headphones so I can really try it out. The synths and guitars really coming together pulling me into a feeling of uncertainty. Maybe this is what Matty feels like right now. It just needs lyrics to pull it together but I can do that another time but for now these notes and instruments coming together in my ears helps me understand how it much feel in his head.

With that I take my phone out and I message Matty "I have something I'd like to show you when you have time". I know he's probably not going to get it until break but it's there for him when he's ready I then put my phone away and hear the bell ring right through me and shudder at the sudden ringing

My next lesson of the day is computer science, this class is really uneventful all the time. I don't have much people to talk to in this class it's very quiet an all these kids are mad smart so I just keep to myself but the demo is constantly on my mind, keeping me distracted from any work really. I find myself constantly looking at my phone waiting for a reply which got me into trouble a few times . my hands were itching to call him to let him hear it but I know that's not going to do anyone any good and by the last time I check my phone the teacher then comes over to me "Mr Daniel this is the last time unfortunately, if I see that phone out again I will have to confiscate it". I shove it back into my pocket and get back to m work that was barley even started "sorry sir"

Break time rolls around soon though and I see I do have a few messages from Matty only five minutes after I'd put my phone away for good. They read as follows

"Thank you man honestly x"

"Miss Conner's is literally driving me insane right now x "

"What do you wanna show me" the last one was of his face he looks quite alright so it gives me a second to breath he looks like he's outside and there's a couple of lads behind him looking like there talking to him.

I sit down with my break apple juice and a ham sandwich boring I know but it's school what do you expect and answer him while the others are occupied "I've been producing a demo track for my Music portfolio and I'd really love it if you'd be listen to it"

He's messages back almost instantly the biggest smile on his face like the last day didn't even happen "bro I'd love that, music is literally everything, is it just instrumental or does it have lyrics?"

"Just instrumental right not but it could really use lyrics." I perk up at how excited he sounded, sitting up straight on these ridiculous plastic seats that I barley fit on.

Another immediate message "I write , would it be cool if I give it a listen and see if I can add the lyrics to it or is that weird"

"Nah bro go ahead I'll send it over, have you got something for break!?". I know he's excited right now but I still feel the need to look after him.

"My mum gave me a few breakfast bars and I was pretty much ordered to ave em 😂"

"Why's that ?" . Concern starts to drip back into my brain, Jesus this guy is going to be the end of me I swear to god, am I too attached already ?, maybe but it's done now

"I didn't eat yesterday and she doesn't want me to be sick again but we'll just have to see if I can keep down ay" he sent that with a picture of himself with his fingers crossed. There's still uncertainty laced behind his eyes but I don't want to freak him out so I just send him a picture in basically a replica of his "we'll let me know yeh , you've got to be starving bro , but hopefully it helps you stomach settle , how's your head ?"

"Still buzzing like mad but I'm dealing with it Ross gave me pain killers before break and there helping a bit?"

"How was your lessons with Miss Conner's is it ? , you said she was driving you insane is that a bad thing". I smile as he seems to be doing alot better than yesterday although I know this conversation is really nothing to go by but he's got people there to help too.

"Man she just won't shut up , it's the concerned teacher act that does my head in she's been on my back since I got in and my maths lesson with her went on for hours Jesus"

"Oh man nah I couldn't be doing that , what do you have next , are you going to that or will you still be with her ?"

"I'm going to try just go to my next lesson, it's German I don't mind that class to much, but I think I'll go back to miss for my class after lunch cuz im still a bit arghh you know and physics won't be good"

"Im glad your giving it a try but you know where she is if you do need her before last class yeh "

"Yeh she says I can go back at any point , thanks for being there darlin x" . I can feel myself blush all over again and I know I'm smiling like an idiot. Joel and Adam are looking at me. Adam chimes in.

"You were defiantly chatting someone up last night george my guy" he shoves me lightly as the bell goes signalling the end of break and we make our way to our next classes I feel alot lighter after that conversation.

GUYS I ACTUALLY WANNA SOB OVER THE LATEST CHAPTER OF “HEART OUT” THAT IM WRITING , WRITING LOUIE IS ACTUALLY GUNNA BE THE DEATH OF ME OMG

@justanamesstuff @heavenfalls @medeas-chariot @tillthelandslide @1975tv @ros3chu

Chapter 10

Word count 2043

I know I said yesterday I’d only post a chapter a day but there’s no point leaving it when I’ve written a lot I’ll just post what I have and then update it when there’s an update ready

I hope everyone likes it so far there’s not really much trigger warnings for this one

Matty's POV

3 o'clock rolls around well quicker than I thought it would, I catch myself packing up and then Miss Conner's walks in holding a million folders and papers

"Would you like some help there miss ?"

"I've got it Matty , but thank you." She ends up placing the pile on the desk in-front of her and sits herself down at her computer "So Matty, have you had any other though about what might be causing you too feel like you need to escape!?".

Placing my rucksack back onto the floor I slouch back into the chair and start biting the skin around my nails "there's a lot really" this doesn't come out as confident as I felt it would , it was more of a mumble then anything else.

"Sorry?"

"I just said there's alot of things really that are bugging me", I pull my blazer around me tighter so I feel warmer "it's just a lot of anxiety about stuff I think"

"About anything in particular?"

"Just everything at this point, school , home , what I'm going do after school like I know what I want to do but I don't know if it's ever gunna happen", I'm talking with my hands being a little over dramatic my words as this is the only way I can concentrate right now.

"Is there anything that's upsetting you the most or giving you the most anxiety" , She's typing on her computer probably taking notes on this conversation for the school counsellor

"I don't really know what's bothering me most , it's just everything is changing, anytime anything gets to loud or something I just get overwhelmed and my ead start spinning it's like a constant ead ache", my heads in my hands again, I'm stressing even thinking about it, it hate all of this.

"So is it always just noise or is there other things that make you feel that way?"

"I don't know maybe crowds and when things get to much and I try to do a lot at once that kinda makes me ill."I'm resting my elbows on my knee at this point basically talking to the ground my leg is bouncing and I'm racking my hands together

"Does this usually happen when you get on edge or anxious", she's gesturing to what I'm doing

"Maybe , but I feel like it's something I've always done". Trying to make a conscious effort to not do it it's makes it arguably worse.

"Is there anything else you'd like to talk about right now?, is there anything you think would help with it?"

"My fiends are helping and my mum knows so she understands and she's trying her best to voice my opinions in a way I never knew I needed"

"Is that all you need" looking around I'm trying to think of anything else I might need but there's not really anything I can think of right now I just want everything to feel right.

"I don't think so, can I go now?, I've got stuff to do"

Smiling at me she checks the time and the end of school is approaching "yes , that will do for now, but I'll be having another catch up soon."

At that I thank her , pick up my rucksack and leave making my way down to the front gate to wait for Ross and Jamie. Sticking my headphones in , I scuff up the walls until the bell goes to let everyone out, George hasn't messaged back since out last conversation , I decide I'm gunna do something wild I open my phone and message him again.

"Your fit too" , I send the message with a picture of myself and I'm smiling my cheeks are red from the blush that overcame me when I wrote the reply. Risky again I'm not gay but he's different

The bell goes only a couple seconds after and just stuff my hands in my pocket along with my phone and just wait for them to come down. Shivering because although its May it's still freezing and I didn't bring a jacket. Once the majority of the school is out Ross and Jamie come sauntering down the path.

"Guys come on we ain't got all day", jumping around bouncing from each foot to keep my body heat up . When the boys reach me I notice Jamie isn't even wearing his jacket so I quickly steal it from him as he's always warm so I know it'll keep me warm.

"Oy Healy , what you doing?" . He starts running after me but I'm as quick as a fuckin race horse so I'm off in a flash

"Just cold out innit". I pull his jacket around me and get cosy, I can't remember the last time I felt someone else's body heat who wasn't my family, other than a quick pat on the back or arm round my shoulder. It's nice , in saying that I can't remember the last time I was able to get body heat I don't let people in anymore really. "It's warm can I have it till I get home, I'll bring it back tomorrow?"

"Don't you ave your own jacket Matty". He doesn't come back for it , he wasn't really bothered anyway "You can ave it for now, just remember to give it back"

"Thank you"

"What you doing tonight Matty ?", he's probably inkling to playing online with me once he's finished work which I'd be down for.

"Nothing tonight , I'll be calling George later , but if you wanna go online later I'm down". The town is quiet for this time of day most of the kids arent wandering around like usual , the sky was pretty ,blue and grey but also looked like it might rain later. I like rain it's peaceful

"Yo Matty!!!" , I'm startled out of my trance by Rosses voice

"Sorry what ?". There both just stood looking at me. Like I'd missed something

"I said are you and George going steady" he winked at me like the pest that he is

"What are you talking about"

"I'm just kidding man"

"No serious though, I know you guys tell me everything so I know the answer anyway but have you guys ever met a guy and they've made you think you might not just like girls."I slow my walking down a bit so they could catch up with me because I really need to talk about this right now and I'd rather it not be shouted to the entire street

"What do you mean?". Just two and a half straight men walking about Manchester talking about men is not how I saw my Tuesday going

"I don't really know what I'm talking about, just asking if you've ever questioned if you were straight really". I don't really look at them while we walk just in case there looking at me like I'm a mad man

"Not me no , but I know McDonald here has a big man crush on a guy in 6th form". He shoves Ross into a fence next to us playfully then Ross comes running after him. I'm just trying to stay out the way but still laughing

"DONT TALK SHIT SQUIRE", Ross has somehow managed to get Jamie into a headlock and got him trapped

"Bro I ain't talking shit , I've seen the way you look at him." After struggling out of his hold Jamie comes back to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder "What we're you thinking about anyway Healy , what's got ya brain muddled or who should I say ?"

"Just asking really that's all" , I can't be telling them anything yet they'll just be taking everything way out of context and I'm not even sure myself.

"Have you got a thing for a lad like Matty?", Ross has joined us again after sorting himself out "we wouldn't judge you, you know , really we kinda thought you might be at least Bi?"

"I'm just voicing things man honestly , like I've never been with a guy , may have had a few turn my head but I didn't know if it was just a hormone thing or general curiosity or what"

"Would it really be any different though at the end of the day right , if your in a dark room and someone goes down on you would you really know the difference anyway!?" . Ever the philosopher is our Jamie

"I wouldn't mind that's all I'm saying". I try shrugging it off like it's no big deal but really if it wasn't a big deal it would be much easier to just say it "I'm just saying would it really matter , like if I might have a small thing for someone who wasn't a girl , like it's not all men it's just this one guy , there just different, what would that mean ?"

"We'll just give it a go lad , if you never shot you never know right", Using our own lyrics against me is just the right way to go , Ross has always got a way of helping me understand things "and it wouldn't matter to us"

"Thanks guys, I knew you'd help" we have now arrived at Jamie's house we watch him walk in so he's not mugged right at his front door , and we make our way to Ross' which isn't far from mine. I love Jamie but Ross is a lot better in these situations

"Honestly Matty , you know if you like a guy it's not a big deal I'd say go for it", Ross is my best mate we've been friends for years and he always knows what to say he's rummaging around in his pocket probably for gum before he goes home so I pass him mine

"So the guy in 6th form what's he like then ?" , I don't feel like I've spoken to him much recently so I never really knew about the guy "what's his name?"

"It's not really a thing we're friends he's in my Biochem class , but his names John and Jamie's not wrong I do find him really interesting , but it's just a little different to what I'm used too"

"I understand that", this makes me laugh quite a bit this is not how I saw things going. This is just not how things were with us

"So your guy , is it George?, I won't tell Jay it can just be our thing for now"

"I don't know anything about all of it right now , like hell he's attractive but I don't know all that much about him ?", Talking about him makes me blush even at the thought of him and I'm smiling

Ross must have noticed it "He must be attractive if he's making the mighty Matty blush , your like a little diva when it comes to finding relationships"

"Right the thing about that is , I fuck up like a lot so I tend to keep relationships online or to that extent and I just never really see them , I've found plenty of people attractive"

"I mean that's fair, why do you feel the need to keep people pushed away , I don't mean us guys and your family but like say when you meet people your just always sure your gunna mess up so you don't even let them be close". He stops for a second really asking the question, really thinking about what to say

"I don't know Ross , like you said I always just think I'll mess up so if I keep them at bay there not gunna be upset when I inevitably do mess up they won't care". Really thinking about it I've never very often been with people from around here , online relationships are just easier to deal with and when I mess up they don't feel that upset as it would if I messed up right in front of them.

"You know your far cooler and understanding than you let yourself believe just give yourself a try Matty honestly your an amazing guy trust me". Hugging me close before he goes into his , leaving me with his words of wisdom for the day "see ya later Matty"

"See ya Rosso" . I spend the rest of the journey home it's only about five minutes just thinking about what he said.

Having Fun Trying

“shower sex!!” - anon

“Subby Matty? Or perhaps cum play 👀 or BOTH 😩” - anon

“Teasing and edging Matty!!! Please I’m begging for subby or whiny Matty 😭” - anon

Okay so I read like a whole bunch of Dad!Matty fics the other day and then I was on the bus earlier and there was a very cute toddler interacting with me, plus my friend and her bf keep talking about having kids and I just have visions of the Reader walking in on Matty doing like a glitter or slime thing with their kid or something and getting super messy, she puts the kid to bed and then the prompts kick in. 

This is dedicated to the Sub!Matty, Dad!Matty, breeding kink, cumplay and shower sex girlies. I will feed us all.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: I guess super light BDSM if it’s Sub/Dom sort of stuff, cumplay (I wanna do a more intense one of this suggestion tbh, it’s kinda light in this), deffo subby!Matty, shower sex, breeding kink

Word count: 4.3k (This wasn't supposed to be a whole fic)

The shopping trip had been long and incredibly tedious. Dragging your mother around a big Tescos was one of the most draining experiences you could put yourself through. She insisted on seeing every new product and then would never get any of them anyway. Your shopping list was fairly basic, you only needed a couple of household essentials and then you could go home to your husband, who had insisted you take your mother alone whilst he watched your angel of a child for the evening. Very sacrificial of him. Your knight in shining armour. How lucky you are.

The worst part of the trip though, had to be the car journey home, in which your mum proceeded to remind you that she was ageing, only had one grandchild and would love to meet another before she dies. The conversation had gone a little something like;

“How’s my grandbaby? Why isn’t she here?”

“Matty just got back from tour, he wanted time with her,”

“What a good Dad he is…”

“Yeah he’s a great Dad, that’s why I had a baby with him.”

“Thought about making him a Dad again?”

“Mother!” 

“What?! I know what was done for little Nora to be here. I wanna meet my grandchildren y’know? I don’t have much time left,”

“That’s a horrible thing to say, and don’t try to guilt trip me into providing you with a second grandchild.”

“It worked once, and she is so very cute,”

“Yeah, well, not again.” But now the cogs in your brain are whirring, and at the very least, it would be fun to try for another.

Once you were home and through the door you could feel your shoulders drop, letting the tension and stress of the outing go. Leaving the shopping on the counter you shouted around the seemingly empty house. 

“Where are my babies?” No reply. This was very odd.

“Helllooooo, where is my family?” Still no reply. 

You start walking through the silent house. Once upstairs, you have a look out the bedroom windows when you hear giggles coming from the back garden, just out of your line of sight. 

“Right you. Don’t tell mummy when she’s home or we’re gonna be in MASSIVE trouble,” well this was definitely interesting. The giggles were growing louder. 

“Daddy, I won’t be in trouble,” your daughter is too smart for her own good, even at 5. 

“What? Do you want ME to be in trouble!?” He fakes a shocked gasp at the end of the sentence. “But Nora, I thought you loved me?” You can see the pair of them through the window now. Matty’s on his knees on the patio, absolutely covered in something bright and slimy, and he’s faking being stabbed in the heart, clutching his chest. They both have, what were once white, lab coats on. Whatever Matty was going to try and hide from you is very, very, messy as the coats are now a variety of colours and there's some glitter just to add to the mix. 

Nora is stood close to her dad. She puts her hands on either of his cheeks, “I do love you Daddy,” her face is very serious, like she is telling him a devastating fact. “That is why we have to tell Mummy. Because I love her too and she always says, we don’t keep secrets.”

“Nora my clever girl, you’ve got me there. I love mummy too.” He picks up their daughter and spins her round before placing her on his shoulders. “I think she’ll be back soon so let’s get it all clean. You’re gonna help me, yeah? We can finish playing scientists tomorrow?”

“Can we play mermaids tomorrow?” She yawns into the night air.

“We can play whatever you want baby.” 

Watching Matty interact with your daughter brings back what your mother was saying earlier. Maybe she had a point? You do miss the little clothes and seeing your husband with a baby you’d made together was always a bonus. Another little mini mix of you both. The idea definitely has its merits. 

He brings your daughter in, fast asleep, after about 20 minutes. She’s snoring against his neck as he carries her, legs wrapped around his chest and hand holding her neck in support. 

“Got anything to share?” He jumps in shock not having noticed you sat at the dining table. You sip at a glass of wine, enjoying the flavour and the slight buzz you’ve got. 

“Umm, no?” He’s looking at you, face slightly flushed and pink, caught in a lie he’s not really trying to hide. 

“So if I go in the shed, there isn’t going to be slime and glitter everywhere?” There’s glitter in his hair, it’s shimmering as he breathes. 

“Not… everywhere?” You cock your eyebrow. “We were playing scientists. I’m encouraging her brain.” You move from the table to where he’s standing with your little girl, rubbing the top of her back as you give him a gentle kiss. 

“You can clean it up tomorrow. Not tonight.” He tilts his head at you confused why you'd let him get away with the mess. “You need a shower Darling.” You wink at the end of the sentence and look him up and down before draining the rest of your glass. 

“Pour me one of those, meet me upstairs. I’ll be 5 mins max,” and he turns to carry your daughter up to bed faster than you’ve seen him move in a while. 

You made a beeline for the bathroom with the wine and two glasses. The shower in your ensuite was one of your favourite things about the whole house. You could change the colour of the lights, change the water pressure and what direction it was coming from, and play music over the speakers built into the walls. Tonight though, you just wanted the water and the steam and Matty. 

You were just finishing turning it on when you heard the door close. 

“I thought for sure you’d already be naked and wet in there for me by now?” His mouth is by your ear, breathing on your neck as his hands come around your torso from behind, pulling you closer into his front. You can feel how hard he is already. 

“Wanted to wait for you…finish the wine first,” you gasp as his mouth lands on your neck. “Need to talk to you,”. 

He doesn’t stop kissing you. His fingers are unbuttoning the bottom of your shirt now. Every so often one hand strikes the expanse of your stomach, like it’s looking for something that’s not there. 

“Yeah about what darlin’?” His hands finish with your shirt and move to the button of the trousers, the zipper, and then tease along the waistband of your underwear making you inhale sharply. You turn around and link your hands behind his head, pushing your crotch forward against his clothed erection. 

“What would you think about having another baby?” His eyes, already dark with lust for you, go practically black now. 

“I think you know exactly how I’d feel about that.” He kisses you, it’s not rough or intense, but it’s passionate and loving and familiar. “A little mini you running around, we’ve already got one of me. I’d love that.”

“I wasn’t sure, what with work, if it was a good time?” 

“Is there ever a good time?” He leans his head against your forehead, and at first you think it’s because he’s seriously thinking about having another baby, and then you realise it’s because he’s got the most perfect view of down the front of your shirt from that angle. 

“You’re such a fucking boy,” you move your head away from him.

“S’not my fault my wife is hot.”

“Another baby then?” You look at him, a big smile on your face. 

“Oh I’m looking forward to this,”

“You gonna put a baby in me Healy? Think you can do it?” 

“I’ve already done it once. Don’t test me,”  

“Strip. Be a good boy.”

He pulls his shirt over his head, not even bothering to undo the buttons, he’s gotten stronger as he’s gotten older. His arms bulking out and muscles defined, covered in more tattoos now than when you first met. There’s one each for you and your daughter somewhere on his canvas of a body. 

You’re distracted when he finally takes off his joggers and underwear. He’s rock hard, ready for you. He strokes his cock slowly and even though you are already wet, you know now that you’re soaked. 

“Matty, did I say you could do that?” You reach out for one of the glasses of wine and take a sip. 

“Fuck darlin’ I need it,” his hand hasn't stopped.

“No you don’t. Not yet. I know how much you can take.” He stops.

You hardly ever take control like this. Normally, if there is a power imbalance, he’s the one telling you what to do so you can let go and just not think, letting him take care of you. He always does. Orgasm after orgasm until you’re sore and bruised and your legs can’t hold you. Only once have you had to use your safeword, he’d made you come so many times that your vision went starry and you passed out. His mouth was unrelenting in its goal and he was so focused on making you come, over and over and over again he hadn’t realised that you were in danger. So you’d squeezed his arm and muttered “red” only just loud enough and next thing you knew you were waking up. You’d only passed out for a few seconds, but since that night he’d been so much more gentle, you wanted to show him that he doesn’t have to be. That you want it to be intense and needy and you want to whine for him. So you’ll make him do it first. “Here baby, drink some, and get in the shower for me,” you hand him the glass of wine. He downs it like he’s never had a liquid touch his lips before. “Eager?” He nods at you. “In the shower then.” 

He kisses the top of your head as he walks past to get into the shower. You take off your clothes and join him in the shower. 

“Hi gorgeous,” His hands are on your waist as he pulls you in for a kiss. He can have this indulgence, mainly because you want it too. His lips are soft and the water is falling down his face and into both of your mouths every time they open back up. You’re making out like teenagers and it’s messy and heavy and your breath is getting heavier. It’s only when he moves his hand to grab your bum that you snap out of it. 

“Nuh uh. I never said you could do that.” His eyes are full of lust and longing, more desperate than before. His cock is red and swollen. 

“Sorry, can’t blame me though. You are irresistible.” 

“Trust me, you’re only making it harder for yourself Matty. On your knees.” The shower has a seat built in that you can sit on at the edge, so you perch yourself and spread your legs, letting him see how wet you are. The tile is cold on your thighs, and you let out a little gasp. You run your hands down your body as he gets to his knees. He goes to grab your thighs, spread you wider for him, before he can lower his mouth to your pussy, but you stop him. 

“Ah ah Matthew, no touching. You get to watch.” His jaw involuntarily opens, like he’s about to protest but thinks better of it. “So well behaved for me.” You lean forward to grab his chin and pull him in for a bruising kiss. He moans into your mouth and you smirk. 

The tile is cold on your back as your fingers wander down your body, teasingly pinching your nipples and moaning for him. He’s gripping his thighs tight enough to leave bruises, his stomach practically caving in as he leans closer to you, within the rules, but as close as he can get. He’s desperate to taste you, not too far away from begging you. 

Your fingers move to your pussy, teasing yourself, circling your clit slowly. You’re so wet, and you can already feel your release building in your lower stomach. Matty’s arm is moving over himself, he’s about to touch himself. 

“Don’t you fucking dare,” you warn him, followed by a moan. 

“Fuck,” his hips are starting to move, looking for some sort of friction for his aching cock. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” you’re watching his reactions to what you’re doing. His cock is stood so painfully hard, the tiniest bit of precum starting to come out the top. Good, he’s close. to where you want him.

“I’m thinking about how much I want to taste you. How hot you are doing this. How mean you are for making me wait,” 

“Oh, I’m mean now am I? I’m letting you watch, letting you hear me.” Your finger brushes your clit just right, throwing your head back and moaning, a little exaggerated but definitely real. 

You make him wait, just another few minutes, his breathing is getting heavier and eventually he groans in pain. Your orgasm is so close and he can tell. 

“Let me taste you? I want to feel you come around my face,” his words send shocks down to your stomach and you get even wetter. Slipping two fingers inside yourself. He groans watching them disappear. 

“Imagine it’s your fingers baby. I am. How good you feel when you’re in me…” You pull your fingers out, they’re not enough anyway. You need him. You sit up and hold your fingers close to his face, spreading them out, so he can see just how wet you are. 

“Open your mouth and stick your tongue out,” 

He obeys. You let out a chuckle of satisfaction at how eager he is.

Laying your middle finger on his tongue, he wraps his lips wrap around it. He’s sucking and licking and swallowing around you. You remove it with a pop.

“Want me to come on your face?” He nods. “Use your words Matty.” 

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, please,” 

“There's my good boy.”

He’s looking up at you through his eyelashes, big puppy dog eyes. Eyes you are struggling to not just give everything to immediately. God you are in love with this man. 

You lean in to kiss him again, tasting yourself on his tongue as you do. Musky and sweet and cig’s and coffee and him. Your hands are in his hair, pulling on the dark curls you’d begged him to grow out trying to drag him closer to your body. When you pull away from this kiss he whimpers. 

“Please, I need you. Wanna fill you up. Wanna make a baby in there,” he puts one of his hands on your stomach to emphasise his point. 

“Make me cum Matty and I’ll see how I feel,” his lips are feverish and brutal with lack of control as his hand makes its way from your stomach to your pussy. Gently stroking you, teasing you, before moving it to your thigh making you ache for him more than you thought possible. 

“Matty…” it’s a warning. "Behave."

“Gonna be so good for you. I promise,” he breathes out before pushing your legs apart and diving into your wetness. 

The first lick sets your body on fire. You thought you were already turned on, as wet as you could possibly ever be. You were wrong. His tongue pulls mewls from you, but he wants screams. Flicking it over your clit, he’s steady and rhythmic and trying to build you up brick by brick so you can fall from height into bliss, calling his name. 

And when you do, you grip his head with your thighs and feel him gasping for air, moaning against your wet thigh as he plants small kisses on the soft and sticky flesh. 

“Did I say stop?” You're still panting and you’re sensitive, but you need to show him it’s okay, you want him to push you to your limits again. To make you see stars again.

“You sure?” His chin is glistening with your wetness and all you can think about it how much better he would look right now if you couldn’t see the bottom half of his face at all.

“Don’t question me. Just do it.” You grab his hair and push him back to your clit. 

It hurts in a good way when his tongue starts lapping at you. You hold the eye contact with him as he brings his fingers up to your soaked entrance, pushing two in so fucking slowly. You groan at the feeling. Holding his head, you move your hips. Fucking yourself on him. He reaches up to your chest with his spare hand and pinches one of your nipples, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger before pulling at it gently. You have to stop yourself from whimpering and letting some of your power go because it feels that good. 

It’s so much better when it’s his hands compared to your own. You’re already closer than you were when you started earlier. You know it’s not going to take you long and you're almost grateful because the sooner you do, the sooner he’ll be inside you, fucking you, and filling you up with his cum. 

“So close, you’re doing so well for me baby. Right there, keep doing that. Fuck. So good for me. Shit Matty. Oh my god,” he continues exactly the way you want, renewed energy from the praise. Expletives and calls to deity's you don't even believe in escaping your lips.

It doesn’t take long before your legs squeeze around him again, your breath holds and you come undone for the second time. His hand slowly removes from you so he can grab your hips and dig his fingers into you. Matty’s lapping your cum up from your entrance. His tongue dips inside as his nose brushes your clit. It’s achy and the shooting pleasure that you had, when you made him keep going last time, is slightly too much like pain for it to feel good right then. 

“Stop,” he takes one last lick and kisses your inner thigh. “You did so good for me baby. Well done." You hold him to your chest for a minute, letting both of your breathing normalise a bit. "Do you wanna stand up now?” He’s slightly shaky as he gets up and his kneecaps are red and lined from the shape of the tiles. That’s gonna hurt tomorrow. He’s standing under the water, head tipped back, cock hard between his legs and pressing against his stomach, precum now dripping down the side. You touch along his length, collecting the salty liquid on the tips of your fingers. His eyes snap to yours as he lets out a satisfied groan when you move your hand to your entrance and rub his cum in with what’s left of your own. 

“Think I’m gonna need a bit more than that to make a baby, don’t you?” His cock is twitching against him and his hands are balled into fists by his sides. “That wasn’t rhetorical Matty. Answer me.”

“Yeah you will,” he whimpers.

“Do you think you can do that for me Matty? Give me all your cum? Help me make a baby?” With each new question you move closer to him. Standing up, hands clasped behind his head, mouth on his torso sucking and nibbling a purple bruise at the top of his abs. 

“Please let me do that. Please let me god I wanna fill you so bad, it hurts baby. I need you.” 

“I love it when you beg,” Your hand is on his cock, giving it torturously slow strokes, you rub your thumb over the tip and his knees nearly give way. His head rests on your shoulder, face buried in your wet hair at your neck.

“Please. I need to be inside you.” it’s muffled but you can hear the whining in his voice. 

“Sit down.” You kiss the top of his head and stand in between his legs. “You’re not allowed to come until I let you. Say it back.” He looks up into your eyes, clearly excited but nervous and a little bit in pain. 

“I’m not allowed to come until you let me,” it’s whispered. You move so that your knees are on either side of him hovering over his cock. You haven’t told him but you need him too. 

“You can touch me now, wherever you want,” he moves his hands to your hips, they’re rough but gentle with how they guide you onto his cock. “I wanna hear you, use your words yeah?”

“Shit, yeah of course. I love it when you’re like this, it’s so sexy. You’re so fucking sexy,” he groans against your chest as you sink down onto him halfway. You need more but you want to tease him too badly. “Oh my god please. I need more. You can’t just stop there.” You pull off him and his face contorts into a mask of incredulity. He cannot believe you did that. Grabbing his face with one hand, and pulling his hair with the other you force his head back. He’s shocked at how physical you’re being with him, but the jump in his dick tells you he likes it, more than likes it. 

“I can do what I like. Tell me who’s in charge here baby.” 

“You. I’m sorry. You are.” He swallows around nothing.

“Don’t be sorry. I’ll just make you wait longer to come.” The wine and orgasms and the steam are clouding your head a little now, it’s giving you more confidence than earlier. Matty seems to like it at the very least. 

You lower yourself fully, all at once taking him in, letting him bottom out and giving yourself a second to adjust before you rise up again, almost all the way off but not quite. You set a slow pace, something you know will get him wound up, wanting to fuck into you. He has to resist it. His mouth is on your chest, sucking bruises on your breasts. You’ve lost count of the amount of times he’s bitten you when you’ve rolled your hips and fluttered around his cock. 

You’ve lost track of how long it’s been now, the water is starting to feel cooler. You’ve made yourself cum twice more just from riding him, brushing your clit on him just right every time you lowered. 

He’s sweating. It’s not the steam from the shower that’s running down the side of his face. You point your tongue and lick the sweat up, it’s salty on your tongue and he groans at the feeling. 

“I’m gonna explode. Please, I need you to go faster. Please. Icantdoitanymore,” his words come out too fast at the end as his chest heaves, like he’s about to cry in frustration. 

You can feel the dominance starting to slip. You don’t want it to but you don't actually want him to cry, and honestly you need him so badly you don’t actually care anymore.

“It’s okay. You’ve done so well. So good for me. My perfect man. I need you too, need to feel you come inside me. Please Matty,” Each praise followed with a kiss somewhere on his face or neck, until you get to his mouth and beg for him against his lips. Wrapping your arms around his neck and letting your head fall to his shoulder. You’re exhausted and achy and fucked out, but you need him to come.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou. I’m.. umm, I’m gonna go fast and hard, am I allowed to? I need it. Need you to move for me though darlin’.” He’s not quite out of the submissive frame of mind, but he’s realising you’re both struggling. 

“Yes, you’re allowed. Please Matty.” 

He moves your knees to wrap around him as he fucks up into you. His hands on your arse, nails digging in. He’s rutting into you hard and fast, using you the way you need him to. 

“God…I love you so much. Need to fill you up so badly. Need to put a baby in you, been dreaming about getting you all pregnant again,” that particular confession surprises you but you store it in the back of your mind to bring up in another, less hazy, time.

“Yesss Matty. Need to feel you. Want to feel you dripping out of me,”

“Not gonna let it. Needs to stay inside of you where it belongs. Gonna get you all big and round and everyone’s gonna know you’re mine. Filled with my baby,” His hips are beginning to falter. When you suddenly come again and you feel that familiar dizziness that makes you feel like you’re not real for a moment, just a being floating in an infinite cosmos of things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme.

The orgasm makes your pussy flutter around his cock, and you know that it’s about to be the end. You lean away from him, hands on his shoulders so you can see his face as he comes inside of you. The floaty feeling makes him seem ethereal. The moan he lets out is perfect and it belongs to you now, in your little high infinity. He tries to ride it out and continue moving inside you, but his thighs are achy and you can see the tiredness in his face. He stills and stays there, pushing you further down onto him so you’re as full as you can be. You can feel his cum being pushed further into you as you are lowered all the way. It feels exactly right.

You look down to see the mess between you and reach with your finger tips. Yours and his cum. Together. Your fingers play with it feeling its consistency, before licking it off. He reaches for your hand and sucks the other fingers clean.

"We taste good."

His hands are on your face. Finger tips tracing around the landmarks your features create. Over your eyebrows, lashes, the bridge of your nose, cupids bow, the tip of your chin.

“You’re so beautiful,” he finally says, eyes spaced out and his cheeks bright red. He looks down at your belly as though he can see through and into you. “I hope the next one has your eyes.” 

The water had run cold before you could even properly shower. So you both sat on a towel on the bathroom floor, you in between his legs, waiting for it to heat back up for a bit. You’d turned some quiet music on and opened a second bottle of wine to drink naked and in each other's arms. He pressed kisses into the side of your neck as he rubbed your belly. 

“Do you think we did it?”

“I don’t know baby, but I know we’ll have fun trying.” 

Chapter 11

Word count :3411

Mention of weed , mention of death worry and anxiety

The next few chapters are a little deep and angsty so I hope that’s okay I’d also like to mention it might be more enthralling to read this while listening to lost my head or 102

George's POV

(Starts off not long after he sent matty the snap)

I spent the last few hours of school just stressing over what I'd said , it was stupid he's going to think I'm so weird, I'll talk to Adam and Carly about it later one because I don't really know why I never think before I do things it's an impulse thing I guess.

My classes go over in a blur, I don't think I really do any work in any of them. I just spent a lot of time thinking. Adam or Carly aren't in any of my last classes so I message Adam just to let him know I need some advice

"Hey Ad...need some advice bro, gotta talk after"

Adam won't be in his phone he's a nerd but I take the chance anyway because at least he'll know when we leave that I need to talk to him.

When the belle for the end of school comes around I'm waiting outside of Joel's class to walk down too Adams. Carly and Adam like to have time alone on there walks back so it's just Joel and I till then maybe Joel will help a little

"Hey Joe ? Can I ask you something". I'd usually just come right out with it but this seems too difficult to even understand.

"What's up G" , he's not paying much attention he's typing away on his phone like usual, he's always trying to impress some boy no matter what time of day off even whenever he's met them.

"We'll you know , have you ever felt an instant attraction to someone". Even asking it sound bloody stupid but I've said it now so no going back now "like even without knowing them?"

"What do you mean?, like are you talking about one night stands or what?", Joel isn't one for relationships I think he just has a guy a few times and there never seen again

"Joe be serious for a minute not everything is about sex". That is the complete opposite of what most boys my age would say but I need a good talk right now.

"Alright fine , think about it right if your really think you might like the guy and you get fuzzy and cute with them does it really matter how long you've know them?"

"Time doesn't matter me no , but what about if you don't know anything about em". It's never me talking about wanting someone , it's usually Joel fawning over one guy or the next so this situation feels forgein to me

"Just go for it G , learn about him". Joel goes back to his phone he's not a big talker really, if I texted him this whole conversation sure he'd write a bloody novel but when it comes to talking absolutely not.

"Alright fine, thanks" . Adams house is about five minutes from school so we just walk in when we arrive, we've done that since 11 no one stops us. We shout hi to his dad and make our way into his room. He's got a basement room you know like all the kids do in the movies.

"Yo guys", I wave over to Adam and Carly sat on Adam’s bed I then made my way over to the beanbag in the corner and drop my bag beside me and take out my phone for the first time in like three hours I see I have a snap from Matty and I open it immediately gasping and I feel my face flush "nah" , looking around the room I see no one is looking at me there all talking to each other "there's no way"

Shortly after having been staring at the screen for like five minutes the snap long gone I feel a dip in the beanbag , tearing my eyes away from my phone I look up and Carly is sat right next to me

"You doing alright there G, you look like you've just seen a ghost", we all love Carly she's very observant I understand why Adam chased her for years.

"Want the long story or short?", I look at her to judge her reaction , I can't always tell how people will react to what I say.

"Whatever story you want", she taps my knee , it's a comfort thing and she's looking right at me already paying far more attention than Joel did

"Obviously you know about Matty, well earlier we were messing around and I said he was fit and I thought he took offence to it or at least that it made him feel weird but he just told me that apparently I'm fit too , I don't know how to take that", trying not to look at her I pick a spot in the wall and just stare into hoping to glare a whole into it.

"Did you like it?"

"Yeh it felt good but as I've said we know nothing about each other, I'm crazy", the other have tuned in slightly to the conversation and are just giggling at me.

"George you may be crazy but any geezer would be lucky to ave ya mate", Adam chimes in this time, "and really what have you got to lose , I chased Carly for years , just go for it what's the worst that could happen?"

"Thanks guys", picking up Adams Xbox remote I realise why we were here in the first place "so smokes and games yeh!?"

They all agree ecstatically as we all discuss what game we want to play, this is always what takes the longest, what we play it usually ends up with us not even playing and watching a movie instead. Which is exactly what happens this time. We argue over game play for what feels like forever until Carly pipes up and suggest we watch a movie instead, we opt for "Legend". STELLER choice , a movie about real life London gangsters in the 80s it's amazing. We smoke quite a lot too, giddy and hoped up on the day I feel at home and comfortable after a while his mum comes down and gives us some pizza "just take your time with that yeh , I don't want any injuries like last time please lovies", She's referring to the last time I was here we spent the night just drinking and smoking and playing stupid games. There were a few others there so it wasn't as weird but there was one point we're I went to go to take a leak and I lost my balance and broke my wrist falling down the short flight of stairs , It was genuinely really funny. We get caught up in our time just so engrossed by the movie that when it ends we're all high as kites , Carly curled up in Adams lap on the bed , Joel and I on the beanbag wrapped up in one another my hands playing with his hair, we're all best mates and they don't find it weird that Joel and I are still close. Adam has a theory that Joel misses being with me but I think it's just how we are. Once it's all over Adams dad offers to drive me home since it's about 8 o'clock not that late nothing is that wild but I take him up on the offer so I'm home and can talk to Matty, I say goodbye to them all giving them a quick hug and thanking them all again.

I get dropped of by Adams dad around 8:15, walking in the house is strangely still very lively my dad has a few friends over and my mother is cooking for them all and my sisters and playing with my dads friends kids, so before I disappear to my room I say hello to them all as not to be rude and go to see what my mum is cooking. I take some juice out the fridge and pour myself a glass

"Hiya, do you want a hand with that mum?"

"It's alright love, how was your day ?". Always the first thing a parents ask when you get home later than they expected from school.

"It was great , school was school and then we all went round Hanns for dinner", I really hope I don't smell to much of weed but knowing my luck it's well obvious anyway

"Just dinner ?", I'm sure she's trying to get me to tell her we smoked but she'll just lecture me again and I really don't want that right now , I'm in a good way right now a lecture will just ruin that.

"Dinner and a movies that's all Mum", before she has the time to question me more I kiss her cheek and say goodbye making my way upstairs, two steps at a time. The house is a little warmer than I'm used to so I strip my jacket and jumper and quickly change into a hoodie and a pair of Nike shorts, after closing my door and getting my laptop ready, this is all I've wanted to do all day. Just hearing his voice will make me happier than I already am , I send him a quick "hey , I know I've been quite quiet for the last few hours but I'm ready to call if your still down" , while waiting for a reply I pull up YouTube on my laptop and look through YouTube for something to watch to hold my attention while I wait for Matty to reply. I'm half way through a Cam Kirkham video when I hear the reply come from my phone and small message from matty "I hope you had a good day darlin, I'll be ready in five minutes just gotta change x"

I'll let him call me when he's ready so I don't interrupt him, but like he said five minutes later the calling alert comes through my laptop and I accept straight away and wait for his face to appear

"Hey there love", Seeing Matty on my screen just close enough to touch makes me feel lighter than a feather, he looks so cute right now I can just make out that's he's wearing a really fluffy jumper and he's wrapped up in a tiny blanket "you look so cozy there"

"Hey Darlin, it's like I was sat in a solid block of ice all night since I got home but I was doing homework and putting some music together , didn't give myself a minute to change", he laughed after he said but it sounded a bit strained

"How are you doing , like really, like after your class today we didn’t talk much after that." I swear if I could just reach out and touch the screen and swipe that hair out of his face so I could see his eyes I'd do that right now.

"I'm okay, I was a little stressed out after class but I got some time alone so I've been alright, I spoke to Miss Conner's more and spoke a lot more about how I'm feeling , I also started putting together a song I was writing and im so happy about how it's going so im feeling quite okay right now", That was a lot in one go I hope he's not trying to keep it all in and trying to keep me happy

"Can you promise me?", I know that's a really tough thing to promise but I hope he knows he doesn't always have to be okay

"Right now yes I can promise I'm doing alright , just a little drained but I'm okay", He's smiling now and oh my god I can't get enough of that face "I can't promise I'll be okay all the time but right I'm alright, everything is calm my brain is settled and I feel less buzzy"

I'm smiling at his response I hope I can always see him like this , I know full well it won't always be that way like he said but calm Matty is gorgeous,

"Can I show you the track now , feel free to add lyrics to it if you feel like you can!"

"Yes I'd love too", I see him sit up at this , his whole demeanour changes and he looks much more alive then I've seen him since we met "let me hear it!!!"

I rummage around in my pocket looking around for my phone pulling it out , I find the app I've been using and start the track “it's like 5 minutes long so be prepared , I hope you understand the ambiance"

I can see him actually come alive and he's really listening like really listening to it, he's feeling it I can tell, It can be complicated to understand this type of music if your not used it but I know he understands, he knows how he as a person has been feeling and really it's a direct ambiance of that. The track is just playing around my room and it's bringing me so much joy that someone else is hearing it for the first time and enjoying it as much as I do , he's nodding  along like he's actually thinking of lyrics , smiling when he hears a bit he likes. It finishes not long after "So....?"

"George that's fuckin epic....your a legend". This man is 100% gunna be my death but I thank him and ask him if he understand where it's coming from and how I felt when making it.

"It's deep, to begin with it's eary and complex, it's like a story of someone's mentality in my mind someone starts off scared and uncertain juxtaposed with the ending we're they find that happiness and joy in the end", he's seated cross legged on his bed looking like a little kid in the assembly hall , looking smaller than he already seems "I don't think it needs much lyrics either the story is told for itself"

"Thank you honestly , your the first person to hear it so the fact you understand it and like it , is amazing" , I finally flash a smile properly in his direction and I can feel myself blushing like an absolute freak but I can't help it , it's him, he does these things to me "so the lyrics you write do you have any examples you can show me ?"

"Do you really want to hear something I've done ?" , he seems genuinely surprised at this , he immediately jumps up from the bed abandoning the blanket and comes back holding a guitar and guitar pick in between his teeth "I uh this is one of the songs I wrote about Janey before she passed I've wrote at least three for her this was the only one she heard"

He picked up the guitar properly and the cord started filling the room invading my brain in a way I never thought would affect me then he starts singing

"Well we're here , we're at the common again", his voice is so raw and emotional even just the first line , a little messy but amazing all the same "smoked six of the ten fags I only bought an hour ago", of course , the smoker in me understand that a little too much , nervousness and all "she said well ....I like the look of your shoes ....I like the way that your face looks when I'm arguing with you" , this makes me smile because that's always a funny thing, playful arguing with the person you love they always try to be angry but you just can't there face is just the most amazing thing.

He plays for a little longer , the emotion that he's showing while playing is really starting to show, tears rolling down his face as he plays "But on this shirt...Well I found your smell... I just sat there for ages...Contemplating what to do with myself" , man he must be heartbroken right now , I can't say I really understand everything that he's going through but losing any of my friends would honestly ruin me. As he finishes the quiver in his voice becomes more prominent after he places the guitar down on the bed he lets the tears fall wiping them violently from his face, sniffling he brings his hands to his face crying into them

"Matty love, that was so beautiful" , I didn't get a response for a while I don't really expect to either I just needed him to know that I was amazing. "You so talented I swear"

He's sat crying for another five minutes but it was the most heart wrenching five minutes I've felt in a while, I just want to take all his pain away. He disappears after a while presumably to clean himself up, but when he does come back he has a joint in one hand and a mug of what I guess is coffee in the other.

"Sorry, I haven't sang that in a while , I forgot that it did that to me", He ignites his joint taking a deep inhaled drag swiftly followed by a big sip of coffee and he makes as face as the two tastes mix "Shit"

"You don't have to apologise it was an amazing piece, well done to you, you really did feel deeply for her ",Here I go probably putting my foot in my mouth but hey ho.

"I did, like so much G", Another long drag of the joint comes again , his looking a lot redder then normal, and like I know that he's smoking and been crying but I've seen both there never usually this red.

"Are you okay Matty, your eyes look really red", He's looking at me but it really looking you know its like no-one is home, the lights aren't even on, he's so spaced. "Like more than I've seen in you before"

"Yeah I'm fine, they don't feel any different, I'm maybe just high", It seems a little odd, and I'm not loving the feeling my stomach is guessing so I don't want to push my luck.

"I'll be grand soon enough G don't worry", he lays down and places his laptop next to him "its just been a busy day , I'm just a little tired"

i let him rest for a bit were basically sat there for what I want to say was 20 minutes at least I know for a fact he's never been quiet for for this long, I've just been fidgeting with my hands the whole time but he's been lying there staring at the ceiling with his hands resting on his stomach and i soon hear him mumbling to himself i cant quite make it out

"Sorry love?, what was that?"

"I was just playing with some lyrics for your track , I don't think it should be too much said maybe just a little something"

"Oh what were you thinking", I sit upright again fully paying attention to him not that he can see because he's so far in space he's on bloody Venus, I don't really know what's going on with him but its alright for now

"and he said I've lost my head, can you see it? , can you see it?, and then maybe a few line's after that then repeat, simple but it gets the message across.

"That is amazing, maybe the bit after that can be something about how you feel when your out of your depth",

"well if that's what you really want and really do like it maybe it could be , Bellyaches when you in bed can you feel it can you feel it?, i always have a stomach ache when I'm feeling uncertain and lost"

"That's beautiful, but do you really feel like that, like your losing everything in you other than the pain?"

He throws his eyes in the direction of the screen, then back to the ceiling ,sitting up quickly

"yes , all the time" I see him shift to the edge of the bed and his hand is covering his eyes and he looks a little wobbly "Sorry I just got really dizzy, can I call you back". before I have time to reply i see the swiftest movement of ending the call and slightly running off.

"Okay"

Concept

Should I keep writing it would y’all like to read it

The Boys (Matty , G , Rosso and Hann ) obvs but like slightly younger again teenagers (I can’t help but write them then idk why ), but it’s an AU where Matty is a trans-man and he’s trying to like make his way through life dealing with dysphoria and stuff , but even as a male G has like the biggest crush on him , so G and the lads help him become more comfortable in his self , and be more “masculine” even though he’s still very Matty like , and G still thinks he’s fit as always , and they slowly become an item and ends up mad protective of him when there at school and stuff

Haven’t got it all worked out yet , WOULD YALL READ IT

Please gimme something to do with my day ❤️

Send me a letter to my inbox

A- are you single? B- birthday? C- crush? D- did u get ur first kiss? E- easiest person to talk to? F- favorite song? G- good at? H- hair color? I- in love? J- jealous of? K- known as? L- longest relationship? M- middle name? N- number? O- one wish? P- person last texted? Q- question always asked? R- reason to smile? S- song last listened to T- time you woke up? U- 3 biggest wishes? V- violent moment? W- worst fear? X- ex you still liked after it was ended? Y- your last hug? Z- zodiac sign?

I know I already posted this but I’ve just realised this it’s not very common thing but why are they ALL lefties 😂

This is so ADHD Matty Coded and I love it , everyone else just tryna work and Matty like 🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻 if this is how school was for him I’d have loved to be in his class 😂😂

Sorry but why is baby Matty Healy , Eric from Mr Magoriums WonderEmporiam (can’t spell it)