Chapter 11

i just had an a wild thought , I lied , the first band that got me to wanna be a band apparently wasn’t t75 , it was The Kaiser Chiefs THEN t75 😂🤦😂🤦😂

Chapter 2 of menswear

3 hours later

“Lads where actually shite today, what’s up with that “ , we’d been sat in the rehearsal shed for literally only half an hour, Ross and Adam had gotten far to engrossed in the game we were playing so the promise of waking Matty up in the next hour never came to fruition but now, we’d all been bundle into the rehearsal shed and not being doing great.

“I’m just shattered guys, I’m sorry I know that’s no excuse, you guys were good, it’s me, just can’t seem to concentrate today” ,It wasn’t just Matty really , Ross and I weren’t staying on beat together, Adam even messed up a few cords. We were all messing up.

“Why don’t we just call it a night, go in have a cuppa, see if we can wake ourselves up a bit, if not we can just have dinner or something and Ross and I will go home and we can try again after school tomorrow, I have to be home by 9 anyway I’ve got work in the morning.” , to think the rest of us are still in school and Adam is like a fully fledged adult with a job and everything is such a weird thought to me.

We all put our instruments down, Ross and Adam made their way outside but Matty just parked himself on the couch in the corner “you comin!?”.

“Gimmie a sec yeh?”, I heard him groan from the other-side of the room it was only quiet it could have been missable If I wasn’t paying attention and the heels of his hands where digging into his eyes. So I walked back over and sat myself next to him and tried to slowly pull at least one hand away.

“What’s wrong!”

“Headache”

I softly get him to lay down his head in my lap and card my fingers through his hair softly. “Why ?, you only get headaches when your stressed”, his hands were still pushing into his eyes so I pulled them away again. “That’s not going to help”.

“I think I’m just scared that when my voice starts changing that I won’t be able to sing anymore and I’ll lose all of this that we have and I’m not me without it but on the other hand I’m also scared that even though I’ve only had one shot things won’t change and I’ll just be like this forever and I’m scared”, he rolled over onto his side wrapping his arms around my waist awkwardly, resting his head on my stomach.

“You’re always going to have this, we’re always going to be here. Do you think that we’ll just go if you “can’t sing anymore”” , I raise my hands and add quote marks around what I said. “You’re always going to be able to sing in my opinion, it’s going to sound different, yes , but it’s still going to be amazing”. I bring my hands down to rub at his back softly. “And as for the other thing, your already such an amazing man right, and things will be sooo good for you once you start noticing the changes for yourself, you won’t notice it yourself straight away but there will be so many things that will change, and I’ll be sure to let you know everytime I notice something, how bad is your head feeling?”

“It hurts real bad , like it’s making everything hurt and I feel nauseous”

“Can you stand up for me, we’ll get you inside to bed and I’ll make sure Ross and Adam get home” , I feel him shake his head slightly against my stomach while I’m still carding my hands through his hair. “No you can’t stand up ?”

“Can we just sit for a minute if I try get up, I’ll throw up”, I relax back on the sofa and pull Matty closer to me so he could get some body heat from me, I could feel him shivering against me. The silence in the room was comforting, but also slightly eerie , Matty was rarely quiet these days. Since I met him actually, he’s always been a whirlwind of emotional rants and nonsense. When he did go quiet it was always weird for me.

We sat there for a while the sun had started to go down, it was getting colder in the shed and I could faintly hear the rain beating down on the top of the roof not hard just sprinkling. Matty’s breathing had calmed down and I think he’d fallen asleep again. He must be getting sick. My phone vibrated in my back pocket, I had to manoeuvre myself to get it out and not wake Matty in the process.

Adam: where did you guys go, we thought you where behind us you’ve been gone like 30 minutes?? , Are you alright ??

George : Matty isn’t feeling to great, he wanted to sit for a while to calm himself down but he fell asleep :)

Adam : do you want be to bring anything out ??

George: maybe just a brew for us and if you can find a jacket for Matty that would be helpful, it’s freezing out here.

Adam : alright lad, let me just get them ready I’ll be back out in a bit.

I put my phone on the arm of the sofa and began to card me hand through Matty’s hair again softly fixing the knots that had accumulated throughout the day. Since moving head when I was 11 the lads have always been a constant in my life making me feel like I belonged for the first time every but my connection with Matty was the strongest from the start, we just clicked so fast and nothing tore us apart, no matter how hard they tried. Not even my dad who hated Matty but for the life of me couldn’t tell me why.

Summer holidays 2004

“George where are you off too now, you’ve been home at most 3 hours and your off out again, can’t you stay at home even just for one day” , I was on my way back to Matty’s , I was really just home to collect more clothes and extra games that I’d left behind, it was the second last week of the summer holidays and I had spend the majority of the holidays at Matty’s. My dad had stopped me in the hallway while I was putting my shoes back on, he wasn’t impressed that I’d come home played with my sisters for a little while and now I’m leaving again. “We don’t even know what you’ve gotten up to all summer break, most likely up to no good with that young man ”

“You know what I’ve been doing, I’ve been at Matty’s”, we were 13 and 14 there wasn’t much really that we could be getting up to really, playing video games, staying up late watching movies , listening to music and annoying Matty’s parents and looking after Louis , Matty’s new born brother. As well as learning how to play our instruments that we’d began playing. “We haven’t really been up to anything”

“I’d like you to call that boy and tell him that your staying at home for a little while , to spend time with your family” I opened my mouth and closed it again a few times trying to think up and argument but there was really no point once my dad had a notion in his head there was no stopping him. “Now please George”. I dropped my shoe that was in my hand back onto the ground and kicked my other one off and stormed past my dad. “And less of the attitude please”

“There is no attitude” I muttered under my breath as I picked up the phone and started dialling Matty’s number.

“Sorry what was that ?”, I knew he’d hear me even if I’d whispered it, I’d just gotten myself in to a whole new ocean of bother now.

“Nothing dad” , the phone rang through a few times before Denise picked up the phone.

“Hello”

“Hiya Denise, is Matty still around?”

“Yes my love he’s still upstairs, would you like to get him for you?” , I could hear tiny noises on the other side of the phone, Denise probably had Louis sat on her hips while she was making dinner for everyone.

“If it’s not to much hassle yes please”, I heard her call Matty, loud as anything, I also heard Matty bouldering down the stairs and most likely trip over the last one like he does every single time. As Denise told him to mind his language in-front of his brother and the phone was passed over.

“Hiya lad, how long you going be, I’m setting up the 64 on the big TV?”

“Eh my dad said says I’ve gotta stay home for a bit”

“Bollocks , why!?”

“I don’t know, cuz he’s being a fuckin arsehole , and apparently I’ve got to spend time with the family and he doesn’t know what I’m up too and thinks we’re up to no good” , I rolled my eyes as I heard myself say it, and Matty was causing a commotion on the other side of the phone. Making the biggest fuss as per usual. “Matty mate it’s okay , don’t stress , I’ll just annoy them enough that they won’t me here”

“Do you think my Mum could just talk to your dad about it and maybe you could come back”

“My dads already made his mind up lad , but hopefully I’ll be back over soon, I’m sorry”

“I guess I’ll see you later then, how soon ?”

“I don’t know lad but I’ll try okay ? , I’m sorry “

“Don’t apologise your dads just being an ass , I love you lad okay , I’ll see you later, miss ya already”

“Love and already miss ya too , bye”, I hung up the phone not to long after and shoved it back in the holder.

That was one of the worst weeks of the summer holiday in particular because I wasn’t allowed back over for the whole week. ugh.

I don’t even go home unless my dads away now a days after a few more years of arguing over it.

Back to present

Adam came back out with Matty’s fluffy hoodie and a few cups of tea plonking himself infront of the sofa after placing them down on the table. “Do you want me to help you carry him in ?” , I whispered a thanks and tried to shake Matty awake softly. He startled awake and slowly rubbed his eyes

“Let’s put your jacket on yeh , and have a cup of tea” , I helped him sit up and put his jacket on for him, he then cuddled up next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. “Thank Hann for that he made it for you”

“Thank you Adam”, Matty stretched out and gave Adam hair a ruffle and slowly dipped on his tea. “How long was I asleep for, I didn’t even know I fell asleep”, he said through a yawn.

“Little over half an hour I think, we’ll finish up here and get you inside”. I put my arm around his shoulder to steady him a little as we chatted while we drank out tea.

“I still feel like shit lads”, Matty tried to stand himself up but stumbled and fell back onto the couch, So Adam and I helped him pull himself up and wrapped out arms around him and helped him walk to the house.

“I’ll go get Ross and we can get going and I’ll let you look after him okay ?, keep me updated alright, and if you need anything call me, I know his mum and dad are here but just let me know” , Adam made his way through to the kitchen collecting all of his thing and informed Ross about what’s going , I watched them both leaving shouting goodbye to each other. Then Matty and I carefully made our way to his room. But before I could totally get him to his room he stumbled into the bathroom and threw up.

“You alright love ?”, making my way inside next to him and rubbed his back until he stopped and managed to calm down a bit. “Your really not having a good day today are ya”

I didn’t really get a reply from him other than a simple grunt and a shake of his head. “It’s shit”. He smiled though and we laughed together sat on the floor of the bathroom together until we calmed down basically where he started our day

do you see it

Mr Hann be the smolest bean 🥹

cutest man to ever exist

Concept

Should I keep writing it would y’all like to read it

The Boys (Matty , G , Rosso and Hann ) obvs but like slightly younger again teenagers (I can’t help but write them then idk why ), but it’s an AU where Matty is a trans-man and he’s trying to like make his way through life dealing with dysphoria and stuff , but even as a male G has like the biggest crush on him , so G and the lads help him become more comfortable in his self , and be more “masculine” even though he’s still very Matty like , and G still thinks he’s fit as always , and they slowly become an item and ends up mad protective of him when there at school and stuff

Haven’t got it all worked out yet , WOULD YALL READ IT

"babe, you can barely keep your eyes open...let's go." with matty 🧎🏼‍♀️ thank u my liege ily 💞🩷💓

I’m connecting those because they’re kind of similar, I hope you like it. Thank you for your kindness btw x

sleepy dialogue prompt 🧸

^ "you're blurring your words together, time for bed." & "babe, you can barely keep your eyes open...let's go." (matty)

You know matty said you don’t have to wait up. But you’ve barely seen each other the past weeks because he’s been busy with working on his new album and honestly work hasn’t been giving you a break either.

That’s why you’re sitting on his couch, watching criminal minds with a soothing night lamp at the end of the couch.

You’re fighting sleep at this point and when you look at your phone and see that it’s almost 2 you know he’s going to be home in just a few minutes. You rub your eyes and watch the people trying to investigate a crime in the TV but all you can think about is matty. His hair, his smile, his skin, the way he loves to kiss every inch of your skin.

You feel your heart flutter at just the thought of his Matty’s going to act when he finally comes home.

You sink deeper into the fabric, the warmth of the blanket trying to lull you into sleep. And you almost do but then you hear the clinking of the door.

Matty exhales all his worry and stress when he comes through the door, shrugging off his jacket and shoes. He’s sure that you’re asleep but when he hears voices from the living room he steps inside, running his hand through his hair.

When he sees you on the couch, Redbull on the table in front of you his heart melts a bit.

You turn your head and smile at him, “you’re home.”

“I am,” he says, settling onto the couch next to you.

He leans over you and spends some time kissing you.

His lips are warm and soft, a perfect contrast to the cool night air that clings to him. He cups your face gently, his thumb stroking your cheek as he deepens the kiss. You melt into him, the exhaustion of the day slipping away with each tender touch.

"You should've gone to bed, love," he murmurs against your lips, but there's no reprimand in his voice, only affection.

"I wanted to wait for you," you reply, your voice sleepy but full of love.

“You’re cute,” he brushes his nose against yours, “scoot over, what are you watching?”

“Criminal minds, of course.” you sound sassy which makes him giggle, behind you.

“F’course.”

His arm wraps around your waist, pulling you closer until there’s no space left between you. You feel his lips brush softly against the spot behind your ear, sending shivers down your spine. He moves your hair to the side, his kisses trailing from behind your ear to the nape of your neck, each one slow and tender.

His hands are warm, one resting gently on your waist, the other slipping under your shirt to caress your skin. "I missed you," he murmurs, his lips barely leaving your skin as he speaks. His voice is low, filled with affection, and it makes your heart flutter.

You close your eyes, fully focusing on his touch.

“Missed you too,” you whisper back.

Matty's lips curve into a smile against your neck. "You’re so beautiful," he says softly, his hand tracing gentle patterns on your stomach. “Most gorgeous girl on the planet.”

You turn your head slightly to look at him, your eyes meeting his. “You’re too sweet, Matty.”

“Nonsense,” he tries to convince you by kissing you softly, his lips lingering against yours.

When he pulls back you don’t move. You try to gaze into his brown perfect eyes but you fight fight to keep your eyes open.

Matty smiles, brushing a few strands of hair away from your face.

“Are you tired, love?”

You don’t respond immediately, too caught up in the warmth of his body and the softness of his touch. He nudges you gently, his voice a soft murmur, “Hm, baby?”

You shake your head, not wanting to admit how tired you are. “Not tired, tell me about your day, about your week.”

Matty chuckles, “you sure? babe, you can barely keep you eyes open, let’s go to bed.”

“No.” You turn around, switching from the spooning position to facing him. You wrap your arm around him to keep him close. “C’mon Matty, talk to me.”

“god,” he laughs, “alright.”

His touch is soothing, his fingers lightly massaging your scalp. You relax completely, feeling the tension drain from your body.

“It was busy, we had a lot of work, some new projects that came in. It was a bit chaotic but we all managed.”

His hand moves to your back, drawing slow circles that make you sigh contentedly.

“Tell me more,” you say, your eyes fluttering close. You don’t want matty to notice so you hide your face in the crook of his neck. He’s not stupid though and he knows you.

First of all he grabs the remote control to shut the TV off, the less distractions the more you might admit that you’re tired.

Matty kisses the top of your head, “thought about you the whole day and all I wanted to do was come home to you.”

“N’ I’m glad you’re here, after this shit week n’ all.”

It’s clear that you shouldn’t be awake. Matty sits up which leads to you groaning and trying to cling to him. He sits up and pulls the blanket away from you, folding it and throwing it over the back of the couch.

“Alright now, you’re blurring your words together, time for bed.”

He lifts you effortlessly into his arms.

“Matty, want to stay here with you, want to-.”

He shakes his head and shushes you gently. “Nah, no arguing, you’re exhausted, love.” His lips brush your forehead.

You try to object again, but he’s already carrying you towards the bedroom. “You just came home though, we have no time,” you start, but he cuts you off with another kiss, this time on your temple.

“Shh, just relax,” he insists. “Everything can wait. Right now, you need to sleep and we have tomorrow, right?”

You finally give in, your head resting against his chest as he carries you. You can hear his heartbeat, steady and comforting, and it lulls you further into drowsiness. He lays you down gently on the bed and tucks you in, his hands warm and soothing as they adjust the blankets around you.

“Love you so much.”

“I love you, darling,” he replies, slipping into bed beside you and wrapping his arms around you. He holds you close, his body warm and comforting against yours. “Now sleep, love. I’m right here.”

🖊️ 🎤 for the thingy <3

My favourite lyric is “if I live past 72 , I hope I’m half as cool as you” because I relate to that lyric and “Nana” in general so much but it’s more my parents it makes me think about. And wanna be as cool as my dad if I make it past 64 ❤️

My favourite live performance is , The latest trsmt performance of “Ballad”, I went to trsmt myself and to watch them replay that song when Matty is so much healthier and happier seems like such a grown up moment for them

So for the ff that I’m writing Matty as a Trans-Man imma call it Menswear because that just fits to me anyway , would y’all like a , I can’t remember the word I’m looking for but something that gives you sneak peak or like a blurb about it or something first or would you just like me to go straight into it

Or

Would you prefer me to finish “Heart out” then go into “Menswear” stuff ???

cap!matty, you are so special to me.

My days are loooooking up again dudes