I Want Jean To Crash Out In A Way That Nearly Hospitalizes Someone

Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-

Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)

The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.

Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)

He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.

The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-

It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?

He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀

And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.

And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-

He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.

I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.

That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.

It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.

And what makes you feel more alive than love?

Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.

He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.

He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.

Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.

Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.

He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-

Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠

The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.

I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.

Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher

This song is both Andreil coded and Jeaneil coded. Andrews POV to Neil and Neils POV to Jean. Its all i can think of everytime i hear it

"And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight

But my hand's been broken one too many times

So I'll use my voice, I'll be so fucking rude

Words, they always win, but I know I'll lose"

Andrew having lost Cass, the only person he considered family for so long. He gave so much of himself up and let himself be ruined just so he could have a mother. Not sure how love a person because life has been an endless cycle of hate and hurt.

Neil having seen everything Jean went through, wanting so desperately to protect him but he failed before he even knew him. Knowing of the ruthless, never ending suffering Jean indured alone, being his misplaved forever partner, not even knowing he abandoned him.

Both wanting to fight, willing to do and say anything for his sake. Andrew willing to go against the literal yakuza. Neil putting a hit out in Grayson. Ready to meet the ends of the earth, but its so difficult because of everything that happened in their pasts.

"that doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" is an iconic confession for a lot of reasons but i love that andrew obviously picked his wording so so carefully there to avoid admitting any feelings involved and then neil's demisexual ass just totally bypasses that and he responds saying "you like me." WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT ANDREW WAS TRYING TO AVOID ADMITTING.

🥲

Imagine being Ben in episode 60. Like being trapped in a crumbling building covering his friend who they all just unkebabed from a tree.

And then over to the doorway Ben hear his cousin say "Oh shoot" as he watches as the ceiling crushes him. Like I feel like we don't tall about this enough, but Ben watched Aiden die and he couldn't move because he was covering Tyler.

Like he watched the cousin who took him in and welcome him into his home die. The cousin that helped him calm down whenever he felt himself get angry. The cousin who was always there for him, always smiling, joking and talking to him. And he just watched him die. He heard the ceiling fall, he heard the crunch of the ceiling crushing Aiden's head. He heard and saw it all and there was nothing he could do but watch Ashlyn and Taylor drag his limp body under a table and watch them cover him.

12 hours and 16 minutes later, I am about 45 seconds into this animation 😅

Anyway heres another panel

I feel like my style and how I have been drawing them is so inconsistent and all over the place, but I'm still at it 🤷‍♀️

I adore all of these so much

sbd fanart (blood on the 4th image)

some jerk forced me to read school bus graveyard 2 days ago, i'm NOT okay 💕

oh what I would give for Jean to go to another festival, to get to see fireworks again, maybe even play games. For him to try Agua Fresca, a little reassurance from Cat and he might have a sweet beverage he can actually enjoy without stress. I need him to be walking around with a stuffed animal Jeremy won under one arm, while holding a fruit drink with a little umbrella in the other hand, waiting patiently for them to try all the rides (there is no way in hell he is getting in a tiny metal box built in a day to go flying through the air) maybe he would try the bumper cars or do a corn maze. Him watching kids run and laugh, seeing all the lights and fun music, maybe there is even a live band. Jeremy watching him be appalled by the idea of funnel cake (the three of them finish two). Laila convincing him to do face paint, so he has all these intricate swirls on the left side of his face, burying the '3' in a wash of twists and turns of color. Jeremy dragging him to the petting zoo, seeing all these animals he has never been around. Goats, ducks, sheep, and ponies all mingling together. He hates the smell, but there's this little duck that follows him everywhere he goes and he cant help but to feel something. Cat cramming them all into frame for a picture as they are leaving, getting all the rides and lights behind them and maybe he even smiles, just a small, content smile as Jeremy presses their faces together, hugging the girls to them.

I wish so bad they could be friends again 😭😭

Some of my fav out of context quotes for my current WIP :

"I'm convinced your last brain cell is a ping pong ball and I'm pretty sure it had a hole in it."

"You hate me." [He says lovingly]

She smiles. (This one is significant for trans reasons 🥲)

"Your father could never hate you, mine could never love me"

"I don't think its often that 'foul' and 'beautiful' are used to discribe the same thing." (This pleases her)

"Mr. Jones has had to put up with you two brain-dead gentlemen for fifteen years..."

"Never anger. Jealousy, but never anger."

"I never meant to love you" (this one was devastating to write)

"...that coffin is where he belongs and I'm grateful that he is gone." (Get his ass!)

"You shouldn't, 'good' is a word I would never use to describe myself."

"Have you ever dug a grave?" (Hehehehe [menacing])

Take this man to get a tattoo. Take 👏 this👏 man 👏 to 👏 get 👏 a 👏 tattoo!! GAH theres nothing else that can make him reach peak hotness (big messy manbun 👀) like a tattoo can.

No but really, I can see him getting like blackberry flowers or maybe seashells in remembrance of Elodie. Something simple and sweet, very little coloring thats well shaded on his forearm or his bicep. Maybe even putting her name in fancy cursive (if he can bring himself to be so sentimental, I know he struggles to say/hear her name)

As much as I would really like to see him reunited with her (remains)

[ talked about here https://www.tumblr.com/smittenmeraki/778038352449601536/no-because-i-keep-thinking-of-neil-having-his?source=share ],

I dont think that will happen and this is a beautiful way for him to pay tribute and put her to rest.

at some point after tgr, the trojans sit cat down intervention-style

‘cat you CANNOT keep making jean hotter. you taught him how to cook. you taught him how to drive a motorcycle and helped him get his own. you’re getting him to show his soft boy side in public. you helped convince him to be a dog dad cat we CAN’T HANDLE ANY MORE the whole team is obsessed with him and jeremy is DYING can you have some CONSIDERATION cat’