Breaking My Own Heart Over Here.

I am in suffering. My phone is completely broken and you cant fast pass on PC, SBG my heart yearns for you :(

totally spoiled some of the most recent chapter but that's okay, I just pray they make it out of their situation and I get a happy moment when I can finally read it again

This is me everyday of my life for the past 8 years

So we can all agree that at some point Jeremy is gonna ride Jeans motorcycle. I want a moment of Jeremy being nervous beforehand while Jean is going over basic safety and communication, but Jeremy is just not paying attention, so Jean does that super hot, grab the chin of the helmet maneuver, making him look up and saying something like "pay attention" or "listen to me" and Jeremy is just immediately weak in the knees like 'oh fuck, he can get hotter.' And I NEED Jean to notice, to see his eyes go wide and his face get red because the amount of times Jean has grabbed Jeremys chin, this is going to be the moment that gets them both.

I did a thing! Regarding my post from yesterday, I have now written the first chapter that will probably only be two. Lowkey embarrassing myself here, take it before I chicken out and delete it lol.

This song is both Andreil coded and Jeaneil coded. Andrews POV to Neil and Neils POV to Jean. Its all i can think of everytime i hear it

"And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight

But my hand's been broken one too many times

So I'll use my voice, I'll be so fucking rude

Words, they always win, but I know I'll lose"

Andrew having lost Cass, the only person he considered family for so long. He gave so much of himself up and let himself be ruined just so he could have a mother. Not sure how love a person because life has been an endless cycle of hate and hurt.

Neil having seen everything Jean went through, wanting so desperately to protect him but he failed before he even knew him. Knowing of the ruthless, never ending suffering Jean indured alone, being his misplaved forever partner, not even knowing he abandoned him.

Both wanting to fight, willing to do and say anything for his sake. Andrew willing to go against the literal yakuza. Neil putting a hit out in Grayson. Ready to meet the ends of the earth, but its so difficult because of everything that happened in their pasts.

The only reason Kevin could get out was because he was injured. Jean was "healthy", he could play and he wasnt free. Kevin had a choice. Make it out and leave Jean behind or stay where worse things will happen. Taking Jean would have never worked 😔 and I'm sure a part of Kevin died when he realized that.

"Why didn't Kevin take Jean with-"

Maybe because he's sold to the moriyamas? And that both of them wouldn't make it out? Jean would probably be killed or beaten horribly after because he has no choicenbut to stay with his owners?

throws up

No, because I keep thinking of Neil having his uncle do research, to find who bought her and what happened, all the details of her death. He knows its an absolutely horrible thing and how soul crushing it is but he finds where her remains are and takes Jean to her, giving him the opportunity to put her to rest, to be properly mourned. Maybe even getting to keep her ashes and learn the truth. It would be this horrible heartbreaking thing, but Jean can finally stop letting his mind spiral on the endless 'what if's' and 'could have been's'. Neil comforting Jean and realizing he just isn't want he needs so he takes him back to the floozies and Jean just spills his heart out because his little sister is gone. But he has her ashes and her urn has a little duckling on it. The engraving "Elodie Moreau" in beautiful French. On nights where he can't bury that box in his heart he craddles her in his arms and tells stories of things that make him happy, explaining his list, talking about maybe, just maybe allowing himself to fall in love, admitting that Jabberwocky isn't all that bad, but never mentioning the truama, never talking about the nest, because he needs his baby sister to know that one of them made it, that he's okay and that never once did he forget about her.

AHHH Im a little drunk and a lot heartbroken with too much to think about. I really hope we lesrn what happened to her and I want Jean to be able to properly greive. 😭😭

I am driving myself INSANE thinking of Elodie Moreau.

She was TEN when Jean was sold. TWELVE when she was sold. How old when she died? How many horrors did she have to suffer? How bad was her death for dead to be “a mild term for it”??

All I can imagine is how Jean must have torn himself apart at having to leave her. How he fought for himself and for her in the Nest those first few months and how he slowly had to lock her away to keep himself from sinking under. Because he was drowning all those years, there’s no mistake, but if he’d thought of what—who—he left behind and where? Oh Jean would have been dead long before 2007.

All I can think about is Jean finding out the details of Elodie’s death, of having to tell Jeremy and Laila and Cat. And having to sit there as they process and allow them to comfort him because he does want to be comforted, but how can he wrap his head around what happened to his little sister? And then he had to sit there while the Trojans find out that his parents SOLD both their kids and let them suffer. Jean has to sit in the eye of a hurricane, everything around him static, as the world finds out that Elodie Moreau was real, lived, and died gruesomely and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

How much of a failure Jean must think he is, even when it wasn’t his job to protect her, but he still did because if not him, who else?

I can’t stop thinking that she never reached 15. That Jean never lived more than 14 years with his beloved little sister and had to instead wrap her up in chains and hide her in the darkness of his mind. That loss, is soul shattering, and he will never recover, because she’s gone.

I thought about this forever ago and no one has done it so I attempted to do it myself 😅

This just feels so them coded. For a 3 hour project I'm really proud of it :)

The original ⬇️

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard Characters: Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten Additional Tags: Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Neil Josten Needs a Hug, Andrew Minyard Takes Care of Neil Josten, suggestions of suicide Summary:

"You're amazing." Neil's words are the breath of a whisper, barely there. Andrew scrunches his nose in distaste.

"Don't say that." Andrew deadpans, but Neil is still staring at him like he's the center of the universe.