2023 Goals

On Education

I firmly believe that education is the very best and most accessible social leveller. Those who are educated are those who will go far and fast, and, despite our rapidly increasing international access to education, a truly educated perspective remains immensely valued. To my mind, there are two types of education, formal and independent, and both are equally invaluable and utterly necessary in our present day and age.

Many girls here go on a great deal about the value of formal education and they’re absolutely right to do so. Simply holding a degree as a woman earns you an enormous amount of respect amongst certain types and, to speak frankly, it’s rapidly becoming a necessity in our world now to hold a Bachelor’s degree at the very least. I vehemently disagree with those who say that a university degree is unnecessary, rather it’s more necessary than ever these days; a degree from an institution with a good name behind it will open doors you never knew existed, I’m continuously surprised by the power my C.V. holds by itself and the opportunities which have opened up to me because of where I’ve studied. The university experience gives you a holistic skillset and understanding that you’ll never be able to replicate elsewhere in its entirety—you need to be educated and you need to hone those skills in forming your own arguments and opinions, you need to be able to read a great deal within a short space of time and meet strict deadlines, and you need to know how to socialise with a wide variety of people from all walks of life.

With that said, you also need to be able to educate yourself and teach yourself new skills, simply going to university will do nothing for you if you can’t also learn new things in your own time and keep everything in motion. It’s important to be constantly learning about the world around you, making your own observations and drawing your own conclusions, and it’s important that you have knowledge and skills outside of your formal specialisations, too—you must be well-rounded. I think that anyone who is looking to go anywhere needs to have a basic and broad knowledge of history, of science, of current affairs and business, of literature and art; you need to speak foreign languages and understand human psychology, you need to be able to play a few card games and know how to properly discuss sports. You can’t just laugh along nervously when those around you mention, say, Willy Brandt or the Opium Wars, you need to actually have a handle on what’s going on and be able to contribute intelligently in order to be taken seriously by anyone at all.

Your work is your creative outlet, that's why you feel energised and open to it.

Cannot believe no matter how many times I watch the hunger games it still manages to make me so.

THE HUNGER GAMES: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES (2023) dir. Francis Lawrence THE HUNGER GAMES (2012) dir. Gary Ross THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE (2013) dir. Francis Lawrence

(insp.)

No cause #Saltburn😅😅😅😂

The Nara Smiths of this World

I'd like to begin with saying in no way, shape, or form, will I be bashing the beautiful Black woman, wife and mother, Nara Smith. I actually aspire to be like her.

I also prefer content and media (both digital and physical) that cater to the life I have been creating for myself:

Led by God

With a God-fearing man (soon to be my fiancé - then husband, God-willing),

As a wife and mother,

While having the time and ease to do things that bring me peace and happiness like basking in the sun, working out, creating dinner experiences, rolling in academia - simultaneously having a career with a lower tempo, hints my transition from one career field to another (another post for another day).

I love watching her content, especially all of the dishes she makes from scratch.

But what upsets me, are the Black women that make a mockery of her lifestyle and make the excuse like "who wants to be a traditional wife" or "ain't nobody got time for all of that" and people saying that her lifestyle is unrealistic.

Lets be real.

A lot of women who bash Nara Smith are jealous.

Nara Smith is a young woman who is also a model, married, with two children and a third on the way.

Besides being a model, what about my previous statement is unrealistic or unattainable?

"Well who makes everything from scratch like that?!"

Everyone outside of the United States of America, darling.

I implore all the women who read my blog to please travel outside of the United States. Everyone makes everything from scratch and not only is it healthier, it taste amazing.

My first experience in Europe was the Summer of 2017, as an intern at the University of Science and Technology in Bydgoszcz, Poland.

While interning, I also traveled to Germany and Amsterdam.

During my tenure in Europe, I walked everywhere, used public transportation (it was clean, on time and efficient if I may add), went to people's homes where they made their authentic dishes and simple ones from scratch - while simultaneously losing 15lbs, and not on purpose.

Making your desired entrees from scratch versus using products that are processed and already made with preservatives are better for your health. Not only do you taste the difference but you will feel the difference.

Back to the point of women being jealous of Nara Smith's more traditional lifestyle and leisure:

The unfortunate truth of this - speaking as a Black woman with real Black Women experiences - so many Black women are truly perturbed by Nara's choice to take the time to cater to her children, household and husband as she does.

I think most of this disturbance comes from the fact that as Black women, we're told from early youth to work so hard and earn so many accolades where we do not need a man/husband and to not submit to the idea of motherhood and marriage until you receive every possible degree, award and accomplishment - which turns into us working just as hard as men to achieve a certain status, settling down in our mid 30s, yikes!

I have recently transitioned from one career field to another due to my desire to not only become a wife, but a mother.

But not an overworked wife who does not have time to cater to herself, household and husband, but a mother who has the time to be as hands-on as possible, make dinner, be a part of the Parent Teacher Association (PTA), etc.

This was my reality as a child. My parents were married; My father had a career that pulled him away sometimes but he was the providing a comfortable life for my mother, sister and I. My mother chose to have an at-home daycare so she can make my sister and I breakfast in the morning, be home to receive us after school, help us with our lessons, and put us to sleep. She was intentional with her career choice so she could cater to herself, take care of her home and her family.

And there is nothing wrong with a woman choosing to still work to have some independence, but choosing a career that is not as demanding that she sacrifices her family for it.

I brought all of this up due to conversations I had with women in my previous line of work who tried to convince me that I could "have it all" as they like to say: meaning that I could have the demanding career and title, be married, and have children.

Anyone who knows me personally, knows that I am extremely observant. During the last four years in my career field, I paid attention and listened quite carefully to the women who had children in both orthodox and unorthodox manners. The women who were married, with a child or children said all of the following:

"There was a time I spent a year away from my child, leaving them at three months of age."

"I was on my feet working just to go home and still be working."

"I got divorced because he couldn't understand that I wanted a certain level of success and being at home would not push me towards that goal."

"I don't even have time for myself."

"I have missed so many important moments."

Mind you, there's more. And I'm not saying that you cannot be married, with children and have a demanding career. I just believe it is irresponsible for older career woman to perpetuate the narrative that you can have 100% of everything all at the same time - when it's not true. Something or someone is going to be neglected.

So when I chose to transition out of my previous occupation, all of these women kept trying to persuade me to stay, but then I looked at their lives, it was not what I wanted:

Woman 1: Divorced with a boyfriend, three children (two different fathers) - spent months at a time away from her children, struggles with being feminine; Top of the food chain at work.

Woman 2: Married closer to 40, one child, lives a flight away from her husband to keep her demanding career, spends weeks away from her son.

Woman 3: Divorced, two children, sleeping around (with people we know) and the joke of our department, falls in love fast, one son has joined a gang, ex-husband is in-and-out of jail; Has worked for our organization for 15 years.

Woman 4: Left her newborn after two months to take a position in another country for a year, marriage suffered tremendously, also another "big dog" for the organization.

Now, as a woman who wants the lifestyle I already described in the paragraphs at the beginning of my piece, are these stories that I would want to emulate?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I won't go as far as saying that this is every woman's reality who has a demanding career, but even the women who stay married and have children have also told me that their marriage suffered tremendously and there is a closeness they lack with their children.

And again, that statement is not for the totality of working woman, but it's a shared experience of most.

When I told multiple women that I am ready to be a wife and a mother I was told I would regret it.

I don't and I won't.

I've had a job since I was 16; I have dated, traveled, lived in the city and suburbs on my own, and my truest desire is to live a life of leisure and peace, with my future husband and children.

So, for the girlies who are ready to settle down, leave the busy careers behind, do it!

Side bar - I just turned 26, I want to have my first child before 30 (and after I am married of course).

And do not, I repeat, DO NOT allow people's opinions, especially your Black female peers (it is what it is), to dissuade you from the lifestyle you truly desire, because they are the same women who complain about how miserable they are because of their choices, and misery loves company.

Choose your family, choose love, choose yourself.

With Love,

Sarah Chanel

Femme Fatale Guide: Habits To Become Your Best Self In 2023

Some habits, routine ideas, and mindset shifts to help make 2023 your best year yet. Hope this helps and inspires you to reach your goals for the next 12 months. Remember to work hard and take care of yourself. Once you put your mind to it, the sky is the limit! xx

Make Your Meals Plant-Based & Produce-Focused: Center your meals around a variety of vegetables, fruits, plant proteins, potatoes, and unprocessed plant-based fats (avocado, nuts, seeds) and minimal whole grains.

Get Creative With Stress Eating Substitutions: Discover healthy swaps for your meals and snacks to ensure what you're eating without sacrificing your goals. Some simple substitutes include mixing in cauliflower rice into your whole grain rice to add nutrients/volume while slashing the calories, using half an avocado with lemon as a salad dressing over spoonfuls of olive oil, swapping meat for lentils in a chill, soups, or stir fry, choosing frozen grapes or whipped bananas with berries over candy or ice cream for a sweet treat, etc. Remember: Spices and seasoning are your best friends.

Be Mindful of Your Beverage Consumption: Consuming enough water is essential. However, if you get bored with water, add some herbal and black tea, black coffee, or fruit-filled water into the mix. Cinnamon, vanilla, and apple or peach teas are great options to satisfy cravings and prevent mindless snacking (not a substitute for food – eat if you're genuinely hungry). For the winter season, try using some pure cocoa powder with hot water, vanilla extract, and a tablespoon or two of plant-based milk for a healthy hot cocoa drink.

Prioritize Long Walks: Carve out 1-2 hours of your day to get 10-12K steps in at least 5 days a week. Go outside if possible or jump on a treadmill/walking pad to get in some movement while watching TV, talking on the phone, or catching up on some emails.

Find A Simple Resistance Workout You Love: Yoga, pilates, or an at-home weight-training or body-weight exercise you can do at home. Browse different YouTube videos for 10-30 minute workouts to try or sign up for a class in your local area to make it a more social experience (and force yourself to take accountability to show up in the first place).

Create Short & Long "Bookend" Routines: Create a simple routine for the beginning and end of the task-filled portion of your day. For most of us, these routines would be done in the morning and evening/at night before and after work, school, or doing chores/errands. Let go of the rigid idea that these routines need to be done at certain times of the day. Set yourself up to win and tailor them to your schedule. Consider these short routines (like drinking a cup of coffee/tea, reading, meditation, journaling, a walk, or a short dancing session) your warm-up and cool-down sessions of the day. Having these rituals to look forward to will give you the energy and motivation to do what you need to get done each day.

Practice This 10-10-10 Mindfulness Practice: Make time for at least 10 pages of reading, 10 minutes of meditation, and 10 minutes of journaling daily (This can include shadow work) either in the morning or nighttime to clear and reset your mindset for the day.

Take An Hour To Plan Out Your Week: It's most convenient to do this power hour on a weekend (I typically reserve an hour before dinner on Sunday for weekly planning). Write out all of your main work tasks, schedule any due date reminders (for work, bills, chores, and other life necessities), must-do errands, emails and calls or appointments to make, etc.). I like using the Productivity Planner from Intelligent Change and my Reminders app/Google calendar via iCloud to sync deadlines and times to schedule messages/tasks/bills, so everything will be in front of me at the correct time throughout the week.

Prioritize 1-3 Tasks Daily: You might need to choose one large project to work on in small chunks or select a "Big 3" for the day, depending on how complex, lengthy, and time-consuming your projects/errands or appointments are for the day. Using this method allows you to be efficient, streamline your life, and feel productive without overwhelming yourself on the regular (the fastest route to burnout).

Make A Life Admin Schedule (and Stick To It): Choose days (and times if possible) of the week to update certain spreadsheets, batch reply to less urgent messages, clean your house, do laundry, grocery shop, etc. Scheduling these tasks ahead of time eliminates half of the battle for following through on what you need to do. Eventually, you will make these tasks into habitual routines that your brain will allow you to execute effortlessly as though you're in autopilot mode.

Mind Your "Circle of Influence": Do an intake on the 5-10 people you speak to the most or value in your life. If you're an employee, it is probably best to not include your boss or coworkers in this consideration list, as you need to work amicably with them regardless of your personal feelings. Look how you feel during your interactions with your friends, family, intimate partner, or an adjacent love interest. Consider how they speak to you, about themselves, and the topics your conversations are focused around. See if they align with the person you want to be and your goals. Evaluate how close you want to be and what parts of your life you think would be the most beneficial for you and the relationship going into 2023.

Set Boundaries: Understand your expectations, non-negotiables, and limits in every area of your life. Communicate these principles to others clearly, so they know when they are overstepping. Don't tolerate disrespect, but also don't expect others to be mind-readers. If someone knows that they're crossing your boundaries, it is easy to draw the line in the sand and walk away without the guilt or shame that can arise when conflicts originate from a lack of healthy communication.

Incorporate One Creative Practice Into Your Week: Reinvigorate your mind by engaging in at least one hour of creative activity per week. Try drawing, creative writing, poetry, singing, dancing, painting, pottery, jewelry making, graphic design, photography, etc. Even taking a foreign language course or creating a Pinterest inspiration/mood board or organizing your home/closets in an aesthetically-pleasing way counts. Figure out what creative outlet(s) you find satisfying. Prioritize scheduling this practice into your schedule weekly.

Refine Your Signature Look: Edit your wardrobe, try out a new haircut, or change up your makeup routine, nail color, or signature scent. Consider how you can close any gaps between your authentic personal style and how you present yourself on a day-to-day basis. Create an inspiration board if needed to help yourself define your unique aesthetic and gradually work towards embodying your ideal look.

Keep A "Praise" Archive: Create a record of all of the messages you receive highlighting your achievements, milestones, recognitions, or compliments. Compile a folder that acts as your "praise" archive for every area of your life. Create a folder in your work email inbox to save all of your professional achievements, praise, and positive contributions. Do the same for your personal email. Create a folder in your photo album of screenshotted texts. Keep a running list on your "Notes" app of any compliments you receive on your conversational contributions, actions, attire, personality, smile, etc. Hyping yourself up to connect to your highest self.

Create A "Siren" Kit: Take note of all of the clothing, scents, songs, cosmetics, phrases, people, and other aspects of your environment that empower you to feel your sexiest. Keep all of these items/songs/texts together to make it simple to set the mood before engaging in some indulgent action or revisit when you need a boost of confidence throughout your week.

Do A Financial Audit: Create an income/expenses spreadsheet to understand your current spending behavior and budgeting plan going forward. Set up your 2023 financial goals and projections, including target amounts for income, savings, and investments.

Give Yourself A Weekly "Treat": Find a healthy indulgence that you can strategically incorporate into your week. This "treat" can be a massage or nail appointment, permission to watch a movie or a couple episodes of a TV show, a serving of your favorite dessert or a glass of wine, etc. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Consider regular indulgence as an act of self-care not as a sign of weakness or self-destruction. Embracing pleasure does not require guilt or external permission.

Happy New Year, loves! Cheers to an abundant 2023 xx

I think Portia sees most of herself in Penelope and she just never thought herself lucky enough to be loved.

That was a story straight from Wattpad and you cannot tell me otherwise.

Leveling up while still in school.

Winter'21/22 reset prep & plan

Hi angels, it's been a minute since my last blog post but I'm back and ready for a much needed transformation.

Winter is the PERFECT time for a reset and for getting yourself back on track after a detour (which are very common and very normal and totally okay!)

I myself haven't been feeling so great lately, due to a combination of things, a lack of time and energy and I haven't been doing the things that make me feel like me and I have felt like in certain situations, I've violated my own boundaries and abounded my values for the sake of others and a few events in my life completely changed the way I view the world, myself and others. But this is not what this post is about, this post is for anyone that feels like they need a fresh start or feels like they need to get back on track! (although I def have to make a few posts about some of these topics because they are SO important)

You need a fresh start before new year's so you can become the best version of yourself. You do not want to be making major changes without addressing your current problems.

Grab a pice of paper and pen and get ready to dig deep! Remember the theme of this is RESET.

Phase 1 (plan)

Figure out what you want out of this reset. Everyone's journey is different. I personally want to get back to where I was, you could want to turn a new page after heartbreak, or you could want to completely abandon your old life and your old self and start from the beginning. Everyone's going to have different needs, identify them.

Reflect on your current situation

Figure out exactly which areas of your life that you've neglected, and find out why

Identify bad habits you want to get rid of

Identify your triggers

Try to get a clear idea of where you want to be at the end of winter (this is going ti be different for everyone)

Notice if anything's been bothering you lately (do you seem to have less energy, are you forgetting things easily, that sort of thing)

Remember good habits/ routines you had implemented but now no longer engage in

Identify the situations/ people/ events/ habits that do not serve you, and let go of them

If it does not make you feel good, it has no place in your life

Find out which situations/ trauma remain unresolved, and sit with yourself for while and try to work them. Feel free to reach out to someone if needed.

Shadow work is perfect for this!!

Get crystal clear on who you are as an individual, what you stand for, what you believe in, what you like, what you dislike, etc. get to know yourself!

re-examine your goals and re-focus if needed

Phase 2 (feel your best)

Health

Get back on your diet (if you were on one like keto, paleo, Mediterranean, intermittent fasting, plant-based, etc.)

This time of year I find that people tend to eat heavier, more sugary meals, I for one am guilty, and they tend to upset my gut. I would recommend you find out which foods make you feel bad/ sluggish/ heavy/ nauseous/ bloated/ etc. and limit them

Now is a great time to go on a water fast if you're experienced with fasting

Try to walk and dance more

If you've stopped working out, ease your way back into it, starting with once a week, twice a week, etc until you're back at your regular pace.

Swap out your usual routine for something less intense (walking instead of running, lighter weights, etc.)

Get your blood tested!!! check your vitamin D, B12 and iron levels

Tea has so many benefits and will keep you warm!

Face & Body care

If you've been neglecting your self-maintenance this is the time to get back to old routines. Personally, I haven't found the energy for my weekly facials however I enjoy them so much and I've decided this is something I want back in my life, I also need to get back on my IPL schedule. This is going to be different for everyone.

Hair

clarifying treatments

henna masks

hair masks in general

get a trim or look into dusting if you want to maintain your length

ACV rinses are great

Give your hair a break from relaxers, heat, bleach, etc.

Scent

How to smell good from head to toe, AKA my scent routine

Also, figure out if you have BO and try to get rid of it (I can make a post on this!)

Phase 3 (mental wellbeing)

This is the star of this reset!

Give yourself a social media detox, whatever that looks like for you (take a break/ edit your followers and following lists/ completely delete/ deactivate your account/ only use social media on your laptop/ use extensions to limit your social media usage/ only for 30 minutes a day/ etc. figure out what works best for you and what you need)

Cut out toxic people from your life and people who do not make you feel good

Find out what drains your energy (people, places, situations, social media, listening to too much music with harmful lyrics, partying, gossiping, etc.)

Get clear on your personal values

Get clear on your personal boundaries (in relationships, friendships, at work/ school, mental boundaries as well)

Identify any self-sabotaging or people pleasing behaviour

Let go and detach yourself from anything that does not serve

Release shame

Forgive yourself

Recognize and stop comparison

Get clear on what you will and will not tolerate

Place some rules on yourself and your life, if you find yourself going down a slippery path (I will not vape, I will not entertain a man just because I'm bored, I'm will not gossip, etc.)

Work on getting eight hours of sleep

Journal to organize your thoughts

Once again, shadow work!!!

Go on a dopamine detox

Recognize red flags in relationships, friendships, work place, etc.

Recognize your own red flags and work on them

Give yourself closure if you need to

Vent to a friend who is willing to help

Remove yourself from harmful situations

Choose to be happy

Reconnect with old friends

Smiling is an instant mood booster

Work on your insecurities

practice intentional kindness, to yourself and others

Speaking of, self-compassion is so so important during this journey

Find your comfort shows/ movies/ food for fun

appreciate and find joy in the little things

Work on any traumas you may have (childhood, generational, relationships, friendships, etc.)

Identify unhealthy patterns in your life

Recognize what your grateful for

Recognize the areas in your life where you have improved, things your proud of yourself for, no mater how small

Heal energetic cords

Choose to put things behind you and to move on

Be intentional with everything, with your healing, with your emotions, with your thoughts and your actions

Journal for self-reflection

celebrate small victories

Positive self talk in the mirror is life-changing

Find out what fulfill you

Let go of limiting beliefs

make your self and your wellbeing a priority

Remind yourself of moments life has been kind to you

Focus on healing

Stop caring about other people's judgements of you

learn to control your emotions and reactions

Phase 4 (living)

Now is a great time for any of your usual reset rituals

Spend time with people you leave you feeling good

Do something nice for someone

Yoga + meditation for new beginnings

Practice LOA, whatever that means for you

Get back on track with your studying

revisit and relearn old skills

Do small things that make you happy (baking brownies, buying flowers, painting your nails, etc.)

Explore your city!! there are so many fun things to do

Consider taking a trip somewhere

Buy yourself a symbolic piece of jewellery

Asses your money habits

Make any and all lifestyle changes necessary

Work on reimplementing any good habits/ routines back into your life

Get enough sleep!!

Go out in nature! it's so healing

make plans for days when you are not feeling so great

I just want you to know that I am so so proud of you for putting in the effort to better your self and your life. Self-improvement journeys are never linear and you will have bad days, bad weeks or bad months and that's okay! it is a part of growth.

Lots of love,

Serena

xx