Winter'21/22 Reset Prep & Plan

Winter'21/22 reset prep & plan

Hi angels, it's been a minute since my last blog post but I'm back and ready for a much needed transformation.

Winter is the PERFECT time for a reset and for getting yourself back on track after a detour (which are very common and very normal and totally okay!)

I myself haven't been feeling so great lately, due to a combination of things, a lack of time and energy and I haven't been doing the things that make me feel like me and I have felt like in certain situations, I've violated my own boundaries and abounded my values for the sake of others and a few events in my life completely changed the way I view the world, myself and others. But this is not what this post is about, this post is for anyone that feels like they need a fresh start or feels like they need to get back on track! (although I def have to make a few posts about some of these topics because they are SO important)

You need a fresh start before new year's so you can become the best version of yourself. You do not want to be making major changes without addressing your current problems.

Grab a pice of paper and pen and get ready to dig deep! Remember the theme of this is RESET.

Phase 1 (plan)

Figure out what you want out of this reset. Everyone's journey is different. I personally want to get back to where I was, you could want to turn a new page after heartbreak, or you could want to completely abandon your old life and your old self and start from the beginning. Everyone's going to have different needs, identify them.

Reflect on your current situation

Figure out exactly which areas of your life that you've neglected, and find out why

Identify bad habits you want to get rid of

Identify your triggers

Try to get a clear idea of where you want to be at the end of winter (this is going ti be different for everyone)

Notice if anything's been bothering you lately (do you seem to have less energy, are you forgetting things easily, that sort of thing)

Remember good habits/ routines you had implemented but now no longer engage in

Identify the situations/ people/ events/ habits that do not serve you, and let go of them

If it does not make you feel good, it has no place in your life

Find out which situations/ trauma remain unresolved, and sit with yourself for while and try to work them. Feel free to reach out to someone if needed.

Shadow work is perfect for this!!

Get crystal clear on who you are as an individual, what you stand for, what you believe in, what you like, what you dislike, etc. get to know yourself!

re-examine your goals and re-focus if needed

Phase 2 (feel your best)

Health

Get back on your diet (if you were on one like keto, paleo, Mediterranean, intermittent fasting, plant-based, etc.)

This time of year I find that people tend to eat heavier, more sugary meals, I for one am guilty, and they tend to upset my gut. I would recommend you find out which foods make you feel bad/ sluggish/ heavy/ nauseous/ bloated/ etc. and limit them

Now is a great time to go on a water fast if you're experienced with fasting

Try to walk and dance more

If you've stopped working out, ease your way back into it, starting with once a week, twice a week, etc until you're back at your regular pace.

Swap out your usual routine for something less intense (walking instead of running, lighter weights, etc.)

Get your blood tested!!! check your vitamin D, B12 and iron levels

Tea has so many benefits and will keep you warm!

Face & Body care

If you've been neglecting your self-maintenance this is the time to get back to old routines. Personally, I haven't found the energy for my weekly facials however I enjoy them so much and I've decided this is something I want back in my life, I also need to get back on my IPL schedule. This is going to be different for everyone.

Hair

clarifying treatments

henna masks

hair masks in general

get a trim or look into dusting if you want to maintain your length

ACV rinses are great

Give your hair a break from relaxers, heat, bleach, etc.

Scent

How to smell good from head to toe, AKA my scent routine

Also, figure out if you have BO and try to get rid of it (I can make a post on this!)

Phase 3 (mental wellbeing)

This is the star of this reset!

Give yourself a social media detox, whatever that looks like for you (take a break/ edit your followers and following lists/ completely delete/ deactivate your account/ only use social media on your laptop/ use extensions to limit your social media usage/ only for 30 minutes a day/ etc. figure out what works best for you and what you need)

Cut out toxic people from your life and people who do not make you feel good

Find out what drains your energy (people, places, situations, social media, listening to too much music with harmful lyrics, partying, gossiping, etc.)

Get clear on your personal values

Get clear on your personal boundaries (in relationships, friendships, at work/ school, mental boundaries as well)

Identify any self-sabotaging or people pleasing behaviour

Let go and detach yourself from anything that does not serve

Release shame

Forgive yourself

Recognize and stop comparison

Get clear on what you will and will not tolerate

Place some rules on yourself and your life, if you find yourself going down a slippery path (I will not vape, I will not entertain a man just because I'm bored, I'm will not gossip, etc.)

Work on getting eight hours of sleep

Journal to organize your thoughts

Once again, shadow work!!!

Go on a dopamine detox

Recognize red flags in relationships, friendships, work place, etc.

Recognize your own red flags and work on them

Give yourself closure if you need to

Vent to a friend who is willing to help

Remove yourself from harmful situations

Choose to be happy

Reconnect with old friends

Smiling is an instant mood booster

Work on your insecurities

practice intentional kindness, to yourself and others

Speaking of, self-compassion is so so important during this journey

Find your comfort shows/ movies/ food for fun

appreciate and find joy in the little things

Work on any traumas you may have (childhood, generational, relationships, friendships, etc.)

Identify unhealthy patterns in your life

Recognize what your grateful for

Recognize the areas in your life where you have improved, things your proud of yourself for, no mater how small

Heal energetic cords

Choose to put things behind you and to move on

Be intentional with everything, with your healing, with your emotions, with your thoughts and your actions

Journal for self-reflection

celebrate small victories

Positive self talk in the mirror is life-changing

Find out what fulfill you

Let go of limiting beliefs

make your self and your wellbeing a priority

Remind yourself of moments life has been kind to you

Focus on healing

Stop caring about other people's judgements of you

learn to control your emotions and reactions

Phase 4 (living)

Now is a great time for any of your usual reset rituals

Spend time with people you leave you feeling good

Do something nice for someone

Yoga + meditation for new beginnings

Practice LOA, whatever that means for you

Get back on track with your studying

revisit and relearn old skills

Do small things that make you happy (baking brownies, buying flowers, painting your nails, etc.)

Explore your city!! there are so many fun things to do

Consider taking a trip somewhere

Buy yourself a symbolic piece of jewellery

Asses your money habits

Make any and all lifestyle changes necessary

Work on reimplementing any good habits/ routines back into your life

Get enough sleep!!

Go out in nature! it's so healing

make plans for days when you are not feeling so great

I just want you to know that I am so so proud of you for putting in the effort to better your self and your life. Self-improvement journeys are never linear and you will have bad days, bad weeks or bad months and that's okay! it is a part of growth.

Lots of love,

Serena

You Can’t SEDUCE When You Lack STRATEGY

urTOOspoiled Big Sis Series

The main thing I’ve noticed about men is that they ALWAYS date with intention and a play.

This is BOTH from good men and the hobosexuals. They know what they’re doing.

INTENTION: an aim or a plan

PLAY: a report on what is happening in a sports game; plan breakdown

Men NEVER “go with the flow”. They either have ill, self centered (using you as a placeholder/booty call) or mutually beneficial intentions (marriage, FWB etc.).

In addition, they NEVER aimlessly find their way towards their goal. They have a goal and they break down the actions behind the accomplishment.

Sometimes it’s your heart. Sometimes it’s your life insurance plan.

It’s time we, as women, buckle up and have our own agendas lined up.

LAW 4

Always Say Less Than Necessary

I love my ladies but we do indeed pillow talk too much to the men we are dating. We tell them our backstories. We tell them how our exes did us dirty and all they do is sit back and take notes for when it’s their turn to do the same.

ITS TIME WE LIE AND LEAVE OUT INFO.

In addition, stop letting men lead the convo because you’re too intimidated to hold the conversation. It’s your job to get him to spill as much info about himself for you to gather a conclusion about your intentions with him.

LAW 9

Win Through Actions, Never Through Argument

Get it through your thick skull that you’ll never win an argument with a man using your words. Definitely not if you raise your voice.

A lot of women message me stating how they keep “telling” their man how to treat them and I sigh & laugh because I remember when I was that ditzy.

Men are indeed like dogs. You’ll get almost nowhere yelling or repeating yourself to a dog whose insisting on not listening to you (i.e. pulling the leash while you call their name.).

You can let the dog pull you and continue to yell…but where does that get you expect IGNORED and IN DISTRESS?

Put your foot down…and out the door. Just for the love of God stop playing dumb for peen.

LAW 17

Keep Others In Suspended Terror: Cultivate An Air of Unpredictability

“Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables. Be deliberately unpredictable.”

It’s one thing to be mysterious but it’s another to add the razzle dazzle of randomness in the mix. You see, you can predict someone being mysterious- being somewhat reserved or private.

Be unpredictable and have a moment where you’re transparent. Everyone shouldn’t have the same (good) impression of you. Some may view you as serious and laid back while others couldn’t imagine you being nothing other than bubbly. Shake shit up.

Closing Thoughts:

Men have created a culture of sharing the secrets of using women to their advantage. They’re not clueless nor uneducated on how to treat you correctly therefore it’s unproductive to attempt to teach them.

They are simply using the strategy their barber, daddy, coach, teammates and Pastor passed along to them since you (most likely) weren’t taught any better. They have a community-a village that molds them, something women do not have in general.

My goal here is to create community while encouraging young women to use LOGIC when it comes to romance. It’s both for safety and spoiled brat purposes.

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smartmouthleila

1 year ago

I cry when it's dark out, I cry because I am overwhelmed. I cry because it's not fair. I cry never ending tears. I want to curl up and never leave my bed, it's all a bit much. I know nothing and everything all at once and I feel completely unravelled by it. Vulnerability and intimacy are meant to make you softer more pliable, instead my insides feel like lead and my head is bursting with water. I keep saying the affirmations, I go and work my body ragged but still so violently bad at life. I cry because it's supposed to make me feel better but all I feel is insane and guilty because I do not think I deserve to cry. I am at a better place than most people in the world and yet I feel completely in the shutter. God please unburden me, fix me, fix me, fix me

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smartmouthleila

2 years ago

Femme Fatale Playbook: Unleash Your Dark Feminine Energy

Cultivate your sense of self: Let go of your people-pleasing tendencies. Discover your values, likes, dislikes, goals, and dreams. What are your most genuine desires? What gives you energy? Who and what ignites a fire inside you? Write down your list of core values and 'rules for life.' You deserve a personal manifesto.

Build your cult of personality: How do you want your authentic self portrayed to the masses, your inner circle, partners in business, or pleasure? Which aspects of your personality do you want to be associated with your personal brand? How do you dress, smell, and carry yourself? How do you do your hair, nails, and makeup – what's your 'signature' look? What industry, professional, and social circles/activities do you want to be associated with? What hobbies, favorite meals, music, and destinations, should be synonymous with your name? Over time, these aspects of other people's lives with be synonymous with you. Elevate yourself with this allure of living through association. It encourages others to perceive you as equally relatable and unattainable.

Refine your wardrobe, speech, and habits: Streamline the external and internal aspects of your personal brand. This attention to detail demonstrates that you value yourself, your appearance, and your presence with others.

Set goals: Professional, financial, health, relationships, self-development, creativity, and pleasure. How do you want these areas of your life to look? What activities can you engage in to feel fulfilled, successful, and desirable in each category?

Construct routines, habits, and systems that serve you: Cultivate a ritual for every aspect of your life and time of day. Set a morning routine, night routine, diet and workout plan, workflow and schedule, budget and investment plan, relationship and sexual expectations to help you achieve your goals.

Indulge daily: Drink your favorite coffee in the morning, invest in high-quality skincare and pajamas, have that glass of wine after work, listen to music that speaks to your soul, draw, sing, dance, write, create a vision board – find ways to make your soul feel alive every day.

Set Boundaries: Protect your peace at all costs. Your life is for you. Decide what behaviors, people, and circumstances you will accept. Know when to compromise and when to walk away. Your life is for you.

Seduce yourself daily: Write and say affirmations, admire yourself in the mirror, and engage in activities that make you feel more confident (in your body and mind). The perception of an alluring personality starts with the habits you practice alone.

You become magnetic once you make peace with and work daily to live as your true self.

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smartmouthleila

5 months ago

Do you ever feel like SHIT? Like life is moving so fast, and you’re stuck, tired, or completely drained? cuz same 🙋🏻‍♀️. That’s why I started looking into Japanese and Chinese habits—because I'm searching for slow down type of lifestyle, finding balance, and creating small moments of peace in the dawm chaos. Now, I know some of y’all will say, 'It’s overrated, you’re just obsessed with China or Japan,' but hear me out these habits aren’t about trends—they’re rooted in centuries and they’ve genuinely helped me improve both physically and mentally. If you’re ready to stop just surviving and start thriving, keep reading. These little changes might just change your life too.

Little Habits, Big Glow: Japanese & Chinese Traditions That Changed My Life

First off, warm water in the MORNING. I used to roll out of bed and go straight for coffee or cold ass water cuz my throat is DRYYYY , and honestly, my body hated me for it fr. But then I read about how in Chinese medicine, drinking warm water first thing in the morning is seen as a way to wake up your body gently. And let me tell you, IT WORK. No bloating, no sluggishness—just a simple, calming way to start the day. Sometimes I add a slice of lemon, and it feels like I’m doing something kind for my body before I even check my phone

Two Ikigai.( I talked Abt Ikigai and how to achieve this concept click here!) Japanese concept changed the way I see my day-to-day life. It’s basically finding purpose in the little things—like, not waiting for some huge life-changing moment to feel fulfilled. I used to put so much pressure on myself, thinking I needed to achieve these massive goals to be happy. But Ikigai taught me to slow down and find joy in small things, like enjoying my morning tea or journaling. It’s a game-changer for anyone who feels like they’re always chasing something bigger.

Another thing I’ve started doing is Tai Chi or qing gong. I know I know—it looks slow and kind of boring, but hear me out. It’s like moving meditation, and if you’re someone who struggles with anxiety (like meeey), this will center you like nothing else. It’s not about burning calories or anything like that; it’s about connecting your body and mind in the most peaceful way. Even just 10 minutes a day leaves me feeling lighter and more focused. (Click here to watch a video of it) When I first started, I thought, 'This is way too slow for me.' But then something clicked. The slowness is the point. It forces you to focus on your breathing, your posture, and every little movement. It’s like a moving meditation that clears your mind while strengthening your body.