💖 Congrats Again On Reaching 10k

Recently got into Criminal Minds and I love this sooo much. I relate to it a bit too much 😅

Out of Time // Part 2

Summary: Once you had realized that you didn’t really belong with the BAU Team, you’d asked for a transfer. Now you find out that it all might have been a huge misconception and how are you supposed to deal with that?!

Pairing: BAU!Team x reader (platonic)

Warnings: feeling left out, feeling unneeded, being excluded, self worth issues

Part 1

—

It had been three weeks since you’d asked for a transfer. Hotch had been surprised to say the least. He’d immediately taken the time to implore for your reasons, asked whether there was anything he or the team could do, if you needed some time off or if something had happened. He’d been so earnest in wanting to make sure that you’re alright and so surprised by your decision that you just couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the true reason. So, you’d lied and told him that you felt like you couldn’t cope with the job and the daily tragedies and horrors anymore. He’d tried to find another solution for you to deal with your troubles and stay. It had felt nice to feel important enough to be still wanted on the team. For a split second you’d thought about taking the offer. But your thoughts drifted back to all the times you weren’t included, needed, or wanted. One effort, one time of feeling needed and wanted didn’t make up for all the other times, for a year of feeling like the exact opposite. And who was to say that it would stay that way. So you had insisted on feeling like this job wasn’t for you anymore. Hotch had reluctantly agreed, not wanting to keep you back from anything else that you felt you needed or wanted to do. You’d asked him to not say anything to the team just yet, feeling like you needed to tell them yourself.

You’d told Rossi first, since he and Hotch were the two people involved in finding your replacement. He’d been just as surprised as Hotch had been. You’d talked for a bit but gave him the same reasons you’d given Hotch as well. Rossi had expressed his sadness about seeing you leave but had accepted it. He’d told you that he could understand the feeling and that, as long as you felt you were doing what was best for you, he’d support you. There was also a promise of Spaghetti a la Rossi for lunch at the office before you’d leave.

Afterwards you informed Emily. She listened as stoically as she always did and simply nodded in acceptance. The following days she came over to your desk for short coffee breaks a lot more though, and you did recognise her attempts to make sure that you were alright. And if she sometimes looked a little sad when she was reminded that you’d leave soon, neither of you mentioned it.

Keep reading

Current Fic in Progress: As Above, So Below [Arcane] [Viktor x Male Reader] 18+

Hiiiii lovely people, I'm Ghost.

I'm a little new here, but in the spirit of the cold season vibes I wanted to share a fic I've been working on in case anyone was looking for a cozy/slow read that will speed up (and get a little dark) later on.

I'll post chapters on here gradually over time if there's interest, but here's everything thats published as of right now:

As Above, So Below / Viktor x Reader / Arcane Fanfic (82,863 words) by that_salty_ghost

1. Tinkerer | 2. Coffee Talk | 3. Lost & Found | 4. R&R | 5. Exceptionally Okay | 6. Worth It | 7. Guilty Pleasures | 8. Nightcap | 9. Dickwagons | 10. Absolutely [18+] | 11. Wake Up Call | 12. Daddy Issues | 13. Downtime | 14. Puff, Puff, Pass | 15. The Proust Effect | 16. Past Lives | 17. Shameful Company | 18. Picked Apart | 19. Mind the Gap | 20. The Fish & The Fence | 21. Sugar & Smoke | 22. Life Insurance | 23. Date Night Pt 1: Not So Smooth Sailing | 24. Date Night Pt 2: Sinking Ship | 25. For Good Luck | 26. A Matter of Time | 27. Scary Stories | 28. First Aid | 29. Exceptions

It's Viktor/Male Reader, so if that's not your jive no worries. Spoilers: it gets a little gay. (And super gay in chpt 10 👀)

Anyway.

Quick summary: After your parents are killed in a raid by the enforcers, you make your living by working as a barista and bartender along with some shady side hustles as Vander starts to prepare for an uprising. Viktor enters your chaotic life with a calm confidence that you're immediately drawn to. You find yourself spending more and more time with him as he preps for his admission into the Academy, but when the time comes for you to join the rebellion, your life takes an unexpected turn that neither of you are prepared for.

About the Reader [Y/n]: He/him pronouns, bi, vers, witty and still figuring life out even though he had to grow up relatively quickly. This is definitely a longer read, so if you're not into slow burns/gradual build up/etc., I'll be writing drabbles/one-shots later once I've developed a style that would fit that.

Also just a heads up: [Y/n] has a backstory/depth/history that impacts your interactions with Viktor as well as other characters. There's some OC tendencies in there, but this is in 2nd person POV so I'm not sure what to call it but just want to be transparent on that too. The only physical traits mentioned is that you have some muscles (bc plot/war/carrying kegs/etc.) and you're a smidge shorter than Viktor in the beginning (newbie mistake, you're also 18 at that time so plenty of time to grow if you're taller ayeee)

Here's all the places you can find the fic right now: 📖 Ao3 | Wattpad | Tumblr 📖

Or if you like what you see and want to buy the Ghost a coffee:

Ko-fi | ☕️

If you've made it this far thanks for taking a gander :) Inbox is always open for feedback, prompts (once this is finished), questions, or just to say hi.

Cheers! 👻

Undoing Fate

neglected to regressor batsis! reader x platonic batfam

what if after 20 years of neglect from your family full of vigilantes, you face an unfortunate death, only to find yourself regressed back to when you were 16?

⤷ lots of emotional neglect, reader was batgirl, reader was a tryhard and an overachiever, reader had no social life in her first life, mentions of drugs, mentions of human trafficking, mentions of death, regression themes, toxic and unhealthy relationships, dysfunctional family, toxic mentalities, reader and everyone else needs therapy…, canon divergence, major character death(s) | tba | based on this

⤷ info! (background) 1 | 2 | read this first to understand the plot and each batfam better :)

⤷ art!!! 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

⤷ if you’re bored m.list—under reconstruction

00 | And she cried over nothing

01 | Sixteen again

02 | A quitter? | ?

03 | Everything is awesome…

04 | Until it’s not | .

05 | Untouched memories

06 | Another suffocating day | .

07 | 1–Paranoia at its finest

| 2–To care or not to care

| 3–Sneaky link?

08 | 1–We’ve been here before (13/4)

| 2–Tricks and Riddles (16/4)

| 3– (TBC) (19/4)

09 | —

taglist is closed‼️

(1/3): @.fangxout @.dusk-muse @.quethekillerqueen @.isupportorbitalbombardment @.nxdxsworld @.vanessa-boo @coffeeaddictxd @moonsbluekingdom @yuya-bubbly @percythebitchwitch @anonymousdisco @.jason-todd-fangirl-14 @.redsakura101 @.what-0-life @.idkwhattoputhete @.secretyouthcomputer @.witch-waycult @.allycat4458 @.dazed-lavender @.eclecticfurylady @.wizzerreblogs @.marsmabe @.daddysfangirls-dc @.hoeinthehouse @.beeweensblog @.ilxandra @.agent-nobody-knows @.thethingwiththefeathers @.mochiivqi @.pix-stuff @.narration-ator @nebulousmoon3990 @delias-stuff @froggy-voidd @jjsmeowthie @kore-of-the-underworld @nen-nyy @juthesillylesbain @vikkus-main @emilylouise123 @blueiones @horror-lover-69 @chaotic-fangirl-blog @wassupbroski55555 @reallyromealone @plsfckmedxddy @sea-glasses @203moonysello @luvly-writer @dovey-quacks2332 @love-theangel @hotdinoankles @vebbiewuzhere

(2/3) @animegirlfromvietnam @estreiiuh @simply-lovely78 @twismare @ssak-i @g4bbi3xx @buddee @alor-thes @kiyoramen @weirdothatreads @bat1212 @actuallysleepingrn @k1arar3 @zelabee @just-pure-trash @mindless-rock @heartjwonie @nickey-diano @goldfishsmemory @infirebaby @thephantomdanny @madkill44 @w31rd3rg1rl @fishstcks @yvesnoteve @otterluver05 @lilithskywalker @vanilliona @definitely-not-sammie @strwberryglass @f0rtunej @cottage-worm @darkfaethedestroyer @cloudserenity @bigchungusdrinksspritecranberry @cooldeermagazine @fightmebissh @fantasyhopperhea @sirenetheblogger @dind1n @stupidvodkka @lilithquillete @unamused-boss @insomniaccorner @paastaboi @octavius-world @yukixies @imguce @jellyedkazoo @jsprien213 @bad4amficideas @farmerboywakatoshikun-blog @rissareader @itsberrydreemurstuff @i-am-here3 @eyeless-kun @jayjayjayson @rosy-myhouse34 @verypersonadazzel @ehh-im-just-here-to-read @thesehandsarerated-e

(3/3) @glitchmshade @prongs-moon @jjllmx @thegothamsiren @v3vina @levi-09 @leovergurl @dazailover4ever @sofiaswrittendelusions @yukinaabutlazy @sbrewer21 @ryuushou @batboygirlie @simp-hub

(idk why i can’t tag some of y’all, must be your settings i think 😓) (or let me know if i accidentally spelt ur user wrongly 😭💀)

Why wont 18+ bots stop trying to follow meeee 😭

Love me some Soapghost. Makes me feel so single and I love it 😔✌️

Collection of 09 SoapGhost fics

SFW:

I Will Follow by m1ckstart

Burdens Of Command by m1ckstart

Sleep by Asasin

When I Die by InterGalacticKnight

A Toast To Life And Death by InterGalacticKnight

What Remains by m1ckstart *note: mentions of hooking up, but no explicit scenes

rather waste my time with you by s0fter-sin

NSFW with Trans Ghost:

Reverence by SharkNoises

Sunshine enough to spread by MGCraig

You’ve got a pretty kind of dirty face by qwentinsmith

hunger by bravo07

Soft lips are open, them knuckles are pale by bbgrlsimonriley

Fantastic Phantom Feelings by ErlKönig (Herm_own_ninny)

patience is a shitty virtue when it's me getting fucked by you by ErlKönig (Herm_own_ninny)

Oh Captain, My Captain by ErlKönig (Herm_own_ninny)

hush by puppyghost (whinypuppy) *note: this one is 22 but I read it as 09 caus beggars can’t be choosers

NSFW:

Stutter by m1ckstart

Venus Flytrap by 6sundragons

Don’t Interfere With a Mans Work by InterGalacticKnight

Yes Sir by InterGalacticKnight

A night in the Afghanistan desert by Hetsez

Morning Pleasures by Asasin

we could do this all night by Torierra

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo by x_posed_again

gimme just a little bit (more) by applepieces

Hands That Are Softer Than Voices by ultrakombo

In Your Absence by badlifechoices *note: not complete, no explicit content yet

I will update this post whenever I find more <3

Saving these to read at some point 😂

got any roach-centric fic recs? like idc the pairing, ghostroach/soaproach/ghostsoaporach any thats roach focused plzz

*cracks knuckles* I GOTCHU ANON this is my time to shine

If anyone wants to reply with their own pls do!

(These are in no particular order)

GhostRoach:

i left my heart in the mountains (right next to yours)

I'm going to want you 'til the stars evaporate

and here i stand (in the dirt with you)

These are all by Santihan and ugghh these were the fics that pulled me back from my near decade-long ghostroach obsession sabbatical. Well-written, emotional, they are amazing, my favs, I will rec these til I die (the first two are painful :'))

Things That Burn by abel_obel

Such a good one, I always go back to this when I'm in a ghostroach mood. Good ol' classic person A gets injured and person B freaks out

Roach Wouldn't Really Do It...

Exhaustion's a Funny Thing

Both by tinyduckies! Def read the TWs for the first one, but arghhh, I go back to these ones a lot!. I really like how the first one's more realistic/gritty when it comes to the aftermath of surviving Loose Ends

Second one's just a lovely depiction of Ghost and Roach's dynamic. Loved the banter and the second chapter ends real sweetly :)

The Barracks: Part 2

Ulterior Motives

Both by doberman, these two are much longer fics (which ghostroach is in desperate need of) and are such interesting reads!!

The first one is an AU that takes place in a pub with Ghost being his repressed, unhealthy self, and Roach coming in as the new co-worker to sweep him off his feet lol

The second one is ongoing and takes place slightly after MWII with Ghost meeting Roach outside of deployment

Sovereign by Applescone

God, this one really puts me in an introspective mood. It's so well-written and just feels so grounded and human. Takes place years after Loose Ends, with Ghost and Roach rekindling their relationship whilst dealing with the complications of Shepherd's betrayal and death

我给你早在你出生前多年的一个傍晚看到的一朵黄玫瑰的记忆 by Alex_Upshur

Ok I know this is in Chinese, but just use a translator like I did and yeah, while it won't be as accurate as the author wrote it, it's still a really lovely fic and i adore it :') A lil bittersweet look into the 141's lives and sweet moments with Ghost and Roach <3

Of Doubts and Dreams (Retold)

The Hook Up

All written by Call_Of_Booty, an og ghostroach author from wayyy back during the og trilogy (and ff.net) days. The first one's a rewrite of one of their old fics and it focuses on Roach and Ghost's dynamic up until the night before Loose Ends.

Second one's about Roach deciding to leave the SAS whilst he and Ghost have complicated feelings for eachother due to past hookups. Both great reads!

Distance Makes the Heart Pissed Off by krwaken

I'm sure every GhostRoach shipper knows this one lol. A lovely 200k word slowburn of these two <3

Fear & Delight by EpiKatt

Hornet's Nest with more GhostRoach :))

Tell Me Why This Has to End by Feral_Raccoon

ANGST :( Post-Loose Ends. Ending broke me haha

and you wrote your name / right there next to mine by cheese_n_crack

more Loose Ends angst :( A bittersweet ending with Ghost and Roach looking at the stars in their final moments

You'll Get Sick Anyways by ghostslefttit

Very short, but very cute lil fic with Ghost taking care of a sick Roach :))

If We Crash (I Hope We Do) by mintyiecat

Man I can't even begin to describe how much I love this one. Portrays Ghost and Roach's relationship post-loose ends where Roach is now a civilian. Loved how the author depicted their relationship as not flawless. Felt very human and raw. Very sweet ending :)

GhostSoapRoach

Something in the Orange by fixfoxnox

Y'all been knew this would be on here lol

Follows Roach's pov where he's been reincarnated into the reboot timeline with all his memories from his old life and him trying to make his way back to Ghost. This one makes me sad as hell. Has all the feels :')

Something in the Orange by insomniamemoirs & RandomWordsAndStormyDays

Funny how my top two GSR fics are named the same thing, but hey, they're both amazing. I was apprehensive because of the "calling Soap Roach by accident" trope, however they really diverted my expectations and made these three really feel like equals in a relationship. Really love how they made sure to establish a strong dynamic between Soap and Roach instead of pitting them against each other. And Roach isn't just some 2D character here, he's very nuanced and I love it!

Freezing Waters by AmphibianEft

Sweet fic of Roach getting injured and Soap and Ghost freaking out and taking care of him

Stress Relief by Anonymous

Just Soap and Ghost taking care of Roach after Hornet's Nest (smut) :)

SoapRoach

Leg Day by tinyduckies

Good ol' smut lol (09 soaproach mm)

Everything That Isn't Said by pajamabees

More 09 smut

Taste by fixfoxnox

Just 3.5k words of Roach wanting to kiss his captain :)

fall for me by punishervest

Just a sweet moment between 09 Soap and Roach with Soap reminiscing on his past with Price but also considering how he wants something more with Roach <3

She (Means Everything To Me) by mylareading

Just 1.9k words of Soap being down bad for Roach (super sweet)

Roanig (Roach x Konig)

I Really Like The Way You Stare At Me by turqu0ise

The fic that introduced me to roanig <3 Just a cute fic focusing on the development of their relationship

Subatomic by tinyduckies

Another nice fic focused on the development of their relationship. Loved the interactions they had in this :)

These are the ones I have so far! I'm sure later on I can add to the list, and if anyone wants to reply with their own feel free :)

I've also been made aware there are Keegan/Roach fics, but I haven't gotten around to reading them yet, but def check out their tag anon! Hope this was an adequate rec list haha

Current favorite cherik fics

part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7

And I really mean 'current' because this changes every other week lol but for now I'd like to give back and rec them, if the cherik nation is looking for some really good stories

Stars Will Tumble From The Blue by Baamon5evr

“Just one night, no fear, no shame, no blame or rage. Just serenity. Just us. Just one night to acknowledge that there is more here and then we go our separate ways and you go back to being angry and hating me.” *missing scene* set between First Class and Days of Future Past

One Life for Yourself and One for Your Dreams by endingthemes

When 00 Agent Raven Darkholme manages to capture the elusive Magneto and bring him in for questioning about a dangerous arms deal involving international criminal Sebastian Shaw, it’s up to Quartermaster Charles Xavier to get him to talk. With time running out, Charles needs to convince Magneto to trust him, but they’re both far too good at keeping secrets, and the growing attraction between them is only making things more difficult.

Dark Flowers by Niphrehdil (I made a post dedicated to this one a while back but this might be my all time favorite, so here it is again)

When Charles is captured by a secret organization and used as a weapon for searching and destroying other mutants, Erik has to go after and save him. Erik keeps telling himself he does it only for the mutant kind. At least until he finds Charles.

the way it travels in and keeps emitting light by populuxe

Charles and Erik aren’t friends: their mutual dislike was both instant and enduring, from that very first day Raven introduced them. But when Charles gets into a life-altering accident, the connections between all three of them start to fundamentally shift, too.

Robbers by dsrobertson (mind the tags/warnings!!)

1933. Bank robber AU. The Bureau of Investigation are after Public Enemy Number Two, bank robber Erik Lehnsherr. Charles Xavier is fiancé to Special Agent Moira MacTaggart. A closet homosexual, Charles visits the Manhattan pansy club scene and meets Max Eisenhardt. Only as time goes on, Max Eisenhardt turns out to be Erik Lehnsherr. Public Enemy Number Two. Charles learns exactly what happens when you accidentally fall in love with a male bank robber in 1930s America.

Currently in my Arven simp era 💅

more arven 🥪

got too much on his mind to really enjoy his food.

one piece saved my life man

I'm crying over how well written this is 😭 I both want to hug all of the BAU and be hugged by them all at the same time 😭😭

Out of Time // Part 3

Summary: “The Revelation” is followed by a ton of apologies, reassurances, and grovelling. But is that enough for you to decide to stay at the BAU? Or will you leave after all? 

Pairing: BAU!Team x Reader (platonic)

Warnings: feeling left out, feeling unneeded, being excluded, self worth issues

Part 1 / Part 2

---

After the revelation the previous evening you hadn’t done anything but driven home and gone to sleep. You hadn’t been in the frame of mind to deal with it. And frankly, you just didn’t want to. Hotch had promised to hold the position on the team for you. And after everything that had happened, they could damn well wait a few days longer, you decided as you stayed wrapped up in your bedsheets the next morning. Still not feeling ready to deal with the situation. You logically knew that sooner or later you had to. But right now, later looked like the more promising option. So, you stayed at home the entire day, fixing yourself several cups of your favourite drink, watching random TV-Shows, and pointedly not thinking about the entire mess.

You had fully intended to spend the next day in a similar fashion, but you were ever so rudely interrupted by a doorbell ringing. Disgruntled you wrapped yourself out of your blankets and wandered over to the door. You weren’t expecting anyone. Slowly opening the door, you were surprised to see Rossi standing in front of you. He was holding a casserole and gifted you with a small smile.

“Bellissima, it is good to see you. I tried to call to see if you were up for a visitor, but you didn't pick up. So, I thought I’d just come by and see. I also brought lunch, it is my Nona’s famous family recipe for lasagna alla Rossi. If you’re not up to seeing anyone I’ll just leave you the lunch and be on my way”, he shifted a little, unsure if he was welcome or not.

The lasagna smelled delicious and out of all the people that could have dropped by you were glad that it was Rossi. Your heart warmed a little at the thought that he had made food for you especially, and despite all still left you with an opening to decline his visit. You took a few steps back to let him in and lead him towards the little kitchen area in your apartment. You were slightly embarrassed at the state it was in since you had only stacked your dishes on top of each other for the last few days. Neither of you spoke while Rossi busied himself warming up the food, except for his little comment that it would be a crime to warm it up in the microwave, and you tidied up the kitchen area and the blankets in your living room. You set two places at your small dining table and waited for Rossi to finish with the food. It turned out that he also had brought a delicious looking garlic bread to go with it. You decided to pour both of you a glass of red wine, the last bottle you had left.

You had expected the silence between you to be awkward and loaded with things waiting to be said. Surprisingly it wasn’t. It was a comfortable silence that was broken once Rossi brought out two plates with Lasagna and garlic bread. It seemed that you both had silently agreed to talk about the serious topic once lunch had been eaten. And so, both of you tucked in.

“This is by far the best Lasagna I’ve ever eaten, Rossi. I’ll never be able to eat the premade ones ever again” you complimented once you had tasted it. You had barely refrained from embarrassing yourself with a moan at the first taste. It truly was one of the most delicious dishes you’d ever eaten.

“Nona will be glad to hear that”, Rossi chuckled slightly. “She absolutely detests premade pasta dishes.” You couldn’t help but smile at that.

“Your grandma is still alive?”

“Oh yes. Fierce little puffetta, that one. She barely reaches my shoulder, and she can’t walk very well anymore, but I’ve never seen men more afraid that when faced with her wrath.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the childhood stories with his grandma that he told you. Your favourite one was when she’d chased him through the entire town to drag him back home by his ear to apologise to the poor girl he had insulted by accident.

“Well, I know who taught you your manners then”, you winked at him, which made him chuckle.

“Si, Bella. And I can assure you that I still feel like a little boy every time I see her. The last time she admonished me about my shoes. Said that I had all that money and still didn’t know how to shine my shoes properly.”

He told you some more about his Italian family while you both finished your food, and you cleaned the dishes. You insisted since he’d already premade and warmed up the food. You were also very gratified to see his surprised face when you asked him if he wanted an espresso or some other drink with coffee while motioning to your high-end portafilter coffee machine, which you had bought with your very first BAU paycheck. You were a bit of a coffee addict. A few minutes and one espresso and one latte later, the two of you were back in your living room again.

“When you came over yesterday and you complimented the house, I realised that, in all your time on the team, you hadn’t been there before. And while I was preparing the food and wondered why that was the case, I realised that I had never actually invited you. Dolcezza, I am so sorry. I have no excuse, at least no good one, and I am sorry that I have caused you pain.” His face and his voice were solemn but genuine, and you were surprised that he had started your conversation like that. You shrugged slightly, not quite sure how to react to his words.

“It’s fine, I know that none of you wanted to hurt me”, you awkwardly muttered, which caused Rossi to lean forward and encase your hands in his. His calloused fingers gently rubbed warm circles into the back of your hands.

“You’re not fine, cara mia. You didn’t know that you were excluded by accident. But even so, it should never have happened at all. We all should have noticed, and we did in some way, but never questioned it. If only one of us had deigned to ask you why you weren’t with us after one of those team outings, all this wouldn’t have happened. But none of us did and the fault lies with us. We’re the best profilers of the country and yet we didn’t even notice we were hurting one of our own.”

“I didn’t want you to notice. I didn’t want anyone to feel bad about it.”

At that Rossi chuckled sadly, scooting a little closer and releasing your hands in order to cup your face.

“But it wasn’t your job to protect us from our own stupid and careless mistakes, Gioia. You had, and still have, every right to feel hurt. The fact that no one of us intended to hurt you doesn’t matter. We did, and you have dealt with it all on your own for a long time. The fact that you didn’t want anyone to know that we had hurt you, so we didn’t feel bad about it say a lot about your character. As does the fact that we never noticed about ours.” His thumb gently brushed away a tear you hadn’t noticed shedding and his soft eyes never left yours.

“You have helped all of us so much and made a lot of things easier for us with all the little things you did. Sei un raggio di sole, Y/N. But even a ray of sunshine needs to be nourished. We clearly haven’t. And I can understand if you need and want to search for another place where you can find that nourishment, because you deserve it. I would truly miss you terribly, but I want you to fly, passerotta.”

By now tears were streaming down your face, which still was carefully held between his warm hands. You felt pathetic, but you hadn’t noticed how badly you needed to hear someone acknowledge that they made a mistake. Yes, Hotch had said that as well, but it hadn’t really registered then. Deep down you still had felt that it had been your own mistake. That you should have said something or that there was something wrong with you, that you were just unlikable like that.

But Rossi never said anything he didn’t mean. That was his one rule, for which you had always appreciated him. Yes, sometimes that meant hearing the harsh truth in uncomfortable situations. But it also meant that you never had to worry about some hidden meaning or little white lies. And it was the reason that you started to feel like maybe there was a way to work past all this.

Your heart ached at the truth and compassion in his voice and the earnest and determined gaze with which he still gazed at you. Gentle fingers softly caressing your cheek and tucking single strands of hair behind your ear. God, you really didn’t want to lose Rossi in your life. You’d never before had a person of such pure comfort in your life. Even in the past year Rossi had always been the one who had offered you a gentle hug and an open ear if things at work had gotten bad. The pain in your chest grew at the image of a life without him and his steady support and comfort. Just thinking about it had you squeezing your eyes closed and swallowing hard.

“Cara mia…”, you heard his soft voice again and couldn’t help yourself. You blindly threw yourself in his arms, which instantly wrapped around you in a secure hold.

“I don’t want to leave the team”, you muttered between sobs. “I don’t want to lose you.” You buried your face against his neck, hands gripping onto the fabric of his suit. His arms tightened around you and one of his hands came up to cradle your head protectively against his neck, the other one tracing small circles against your waist.

“Oh Y/N…”, he said softly, voice full of emotions. “I don’t want to lose you either, Dolcezza.” Your body trembled in his arms, and he gently swayed the two of you, humming a gentle tune under his breath and softly resting his head atop yours. It was only some time later that you bashfully moved back to your own chair again.

“I think I ruined your suit”, you muttered, feeling bad about the expensive Italian garment. But Rossi just chuckled in response.

“It’s just fabric. You’re more important.” You couldn’t help the small smile appearing on your face at his words. Being vulnerable had never been your strong suit and you felt a little awkward sitting opposite him after your emotional outburst. Rossi however was always one to help in such situations and grinned at you:

“I think after this we both deserve some dessert to make us feel better.”

“You brought dessert?”

“Might have hidden it in your fridge”, he winked and moved to get it and to give you a moment to sort out your face, before coming back with two portions of Tiramisu.

“Also your grandmas’ receipt?”, you asked before trying the first bite, which was absolutely the best bite of Tiramisu you’d ever had.

“No, this one is actually my father’s receipt. He would burn down the kitchen trying to make the lasagna, but when it comes to backing and desserts no one can beat him.” You couldn’t help but laugh at that and continued to enjoy your dessert.

The two of you spent the rest of the evening on your couch, talking and enjoying the rest of the wine you had opened for lunch. Only once it had gotten dark outside did Rossi say his goodbyes and made his way home. You helped him to collect his now clean casseroles as well as his jacket and followed him towards the door. Before he could go though, you felt the need to tell him something.

“Rossi?”, you called after him once he had passed the threshold. He turned around, looking questioningly at you.

“I forgive you”, you said softly, feeling a bit ridiculous to say it. Feeling like the words were too big, because it hadn't been all that bad. But once you saw his shoulders relax and the tension leave his body with an unconscious breath of relief, you knew you’d done the right thing. A gentle smile took over his features.

“Thank you, Gioia.” He pressed a soft kiss against your forehead before moving towards his car. You just nodded and smiled, waving after the retreating vehicle.

---

After your talk with Rossi you had felt better, but you had also realized that you needed to talk with the other team members if you wanted to make a decision. And so you agreed, when two days later Derek texted you and asked if he could come by for lunch. This time your flat was appropriately tidied up and you were freshly showered and felt a lot more prepared to deal with everything.

You still felt nervous and a little apprehensive though. You weren’t sure what to expect, but you resolved to just let the conversation happen and to see where it went. You had just finished setting two places at your dining table, a little déjà vu to Rossi’s visit two days prior, when your doorbell rang. Taking a deep breath you moved towards the door to open it. In front of you stood Derek in casual ware and two huge bags of food in hand.

“Hey Derek! Have you invited anyone else or are you planning on feeding us into a food coma?”, you grinned at him. For a split second he appeared to be surprised by your usual casual greeting, before he grinned back at you and waggled his eyebrows:

“Just you wait until you’ve tried Mama Jones cooking. You’ll complain that I haven’t brought enough.”

You laughed and stepped aside to let him in, relieving him of one of the bags as he walked past you. He toed of his shoes and followed you to your little dining area, where you were already unpacking some of the food, which appeared to be different kinds of barbeque and really did look mouth-watering.

“It does smell really good”, you conceded. “We’ll see if it can keep up with Rossi’s lasagna.”

Derek started unpacking the remaining food from his bag, chuckling at the comment.

“Aha, I’m not the only one that came bearing food. I see how it is.”

“At least you came with a warning and thus have the luxury of a clean flat and a representable me. But I see that Rossi hasn’t sacred you away with exaggerated tales of our meeting”, you jokingly said.

“Nope. Rossi didn’t tell us anything, just that he went to see you. Actually, he might have told Hotch something, but nothing to the rest of the team.” Derek was smiling, but you heard the underlying sense of seriousness that conveyed that they were taking the whole situation to heart. And you felt undoubtedly relieved that Rossi hadn’t said anything. Not that you had really expected him to, but it was good to know either way. You smiled back and went to get some drinks for the two of you, asking Derek what he'd like.

A few minutes later the two of you were eating and thoroughly enjoying the food.

“You weren’t kidding about the food. You need to tell me where I can get this, I don’t think I can live without it in my life anymore.”

“I’d never joke about Mama Jones food, Darlin”, he drawled in an overexaggerated accent which made you laugh.

He told you a bit about his newest project, a lovely old house a short distance from the city, which he was currently deconstructing to turn it into a gem. He was planning on upcycling a lot of the old details and structures but there still was a lot of work left. In exchange you told Derek about your upstairs rooms which you had remodelled on your own. Your bedroom had been done for some time. There was one huge room though, which was the reason a lot of people didn’t want to have the small house since they thought the layout was whacky, which you were currently transforming into your very own library. You were pretty excited about it, since your own In-house library was one of your childhood dreams. You talked about which woods you were going to choose and how to best use the available space. Derek had a few ideas which you happily took into consideration as well as his offer of help once you had decided on your final plan, which you gladly accepted. You were far from helpless and were pretty sure that you could do it on your own, but it would definitely be faster with help, and you were sure that Derek had a few tricks you could learn from.

Afterwards you stacked the dishes in the kitchen and offered Derek some dessert and another drink. You settled on the couch with some self-baked cookies and two coffees just a few minutes later.

“So, onto the heavy conversation then?”, you teased lightly. Scratching his neck awkwardly Derek nodded before sighing quietly.

“I was surprised that you even want to see us if I’m being honest. I had expected this lunch to go a very different way.”

“Yeah, I noticed you were slightly surprised when I didn’t yell at you after opening the door”, you muttered, slight smile still on your lips.

“I was definitely prepared for that. If our roles were reserved, I probably would have.” Derek shifted a little so his body was turned more towards you, leaning forward slightly to be able to look into your eyes more easily.

“I logically know that neither of you intended to hurt me. It doesn’t change that it hurts and that the past year has been less than stellar, but I know that you didn’t do it out of malice”, you softly admitted, shifting your gaze to a point behind Derek.

“That’s the thing though, isn’t it? We might not have intended to hurt you, but we did. Maybe Hotch and Rossi have a little more leeway since they have their offices and don’t always see all that’s going on in the bullpen, but you sat right in the middle of the group and we all didn’t see how we were hurting you. I still can’t believe we never asked you why you weren’t at one of the outings. God, you must have hated us.”

“Not really. I just thought that you all might not like me or maybe did like me but only as a colleague and not as a friend. And you would have had every right to feel like that after all. How could I hate you for that?” Any you meant it, too. Even if the entire situation had not turned out to be some kind of misunderstanding, you could never have hated the team. Yes, the experience would have been miserable and you would have been disappointed, but you don’t think you would have had it in you to actually hate anyone.

Derek’s eyebrows did a complicated thing before settling in a frown.

“You’re way too good for us, Y/N. We’ve all made a mistake, several mistakes. I don’t have any excuse, not that an excuse would make the situation any better, but I am truly sorry. I’ve never meant to hurt you, but I did continuously. I want you to know that you’re a great asset to the team, not just as a colleague but as the person that you are and as a friend and a member of our little family. And I want you to know that you are likeable. You’re the person always brightening things up for us and I don’t think we have appreciated that enough.”

Derek’s voice was soft but you could see in his eyes the pain of the knowledge that he had hurt you. You could also see the affection and earnestness. And wasn’t this just proof of his stupidly big heart? You let his words sink in for a few moments, feeling how your shoulders relaxes and tension left your body. After Rossi’s visit it still was a relieve to hear Derek say something similar. But Derek continued before you could answer.

“I know that this might be a bit much, but you know that Spencer is like a little brother to me. The same goes for you, just as a sister of course. Even though I have enough of them already. Even if you decide that this team isn’t for you anymore that will not change. Do you think you can forgive me?”

A smile slowly spread over your face before you moved to hug Derek, a gesture he gladly returned.

“Apology accepted”, you murmured against his chest, which made him hug you even tighter.

“If anyone ever treats you that way again, even if it’s one of us, call me to hit them over the head.” You had a feeling that he was only half joking but couldn’t help the giggle escaping your lips.

“Sure thing, Big Bro”, you teased lightly. Derek’s hugs were comfortable. Warm and secure and because of his size you felt like you basically disappeared within his arms. You moved back to look at his face.

“Thank you, Derek. I really appreciate it”, you smiled and settled besides him again, a bit closer this time.

“I don’t think I want to leave the team. But I’m not sure yet. I think I just need to talk to everyone before I make the final decision.” Derek wrapped one arm around your shoulder, which prompted you to lean against his strong form.

“I’m not gonna lie and say that I’m not glad to hear that. What would you like to do if you decided against staying, though?” He didn’t sound accusatory or disappointed but curious about your thoughts. You remembered your talk about career prospects after you had first told him that you were leaving and out of all members of the team, Derek had been the one with the best advice. Simply because he really cared about your future.

“There’s a free position at the Counterintelligence Division for the Counterespionage Section that I think might be really interesting as well as a position at the Organized Crime Section. I don’t think I’d want to go back to deal with criminals though if I decided to leave.”

“I can understand that. As interesting as the BAU is, it’s a lot to deal with sometimes. The CE Section would be something else entirely which might be a great challenge for you. I heard that the teams are rather young as well, which might be great to work with.”

You talked about your job prospects outside of the team for a while, bouncing ideas and opinions back and forth. If you were honest to yourself though, it made you feel like leaving the team even less.

At some point you offered to watch a film and relax a little together, Derek had used up his free day to see you after all. He agreed grinned when you told him that he could decide on the film. You went into the kitchen to prepare some snacks and drinks and to give Derek some time to decide. Once you had positioned popcorn, chips, and beer on the table you settled back on the sofa to see which film he chose, which made you laugh hysterically.

“The Emperor’s New Groove? Seriously Derek?”

“What? It’s a great film!”, he defended but there was a huge smile on his face. You couldn’t very well argue with the reasoning. It was a great film after all. Just not what you had expected him to choose. Still giggling you grabbed one of the blankets and settled against his side, spreading the fabric over the two of you. He grabbed the bowl of snacks and the drinks and positioned them safely on your labs before settling down and wrapping an arm around you. Both of you laughed and commented on the film, munching on the snacks. After the first film followed the second, and you felt yourself grow tired. Snuggling more comfortably into Derek’s side and with his big hand caressing your hair, you felt your eyes slowly close and drifted off into sleep.

The next morning you woke up on your couch, blanket securely wrapped around you and the table cleared off. Instead of the snack bowl and the empty beer bottles there was a plate with a breakfast beagle and a small bowl of fruit as well as a small note in Derek’s handwriting.

“Y/N, I had to leave for work – new case, you know how it is. Can’t let the bossman wait too long and I didn’t want to wake you since you were sleeping so peacefully. Enjoy breakfast, the coffee machine is ready to go as well. Hope to see you soon, Derek x.”

Stepping into the kitchen you couldn’t help but smile. He’d obviously spent some time washing the dishes from yesterday and had selected your most ridiculous mug to position under the coffee machine. You started it and with a filled mug in hand moved back to the couch, enjoying your breakfast and sending a message of thanks to Derek.

---

Your first meet up with Spencer after that fateful dinner was actually instigated by you. No matter what had happened or however complicated the situation was, you missed Spencer. And you were fairly sure that out of all your teammates, he was the one who would take the situation the hardest. After all, he had experienced similar situations all his life. So it was you who texted Spencer and asked if he was up for a coffee at your favourite café. It took him a while to respond and you weren’t sure if it was because the team had a new case or because he was anxious. He did respond with an affirmation though, which was really all that mattered to you right now.

So, after a much-needed day without one of your teammates coming by to apologize, which you had still used to do some serious thinking, you made your way to the café with a renewed sense of purpose. That went out of the window however when you saw Spencer standing in front of the café, looking like he hadn’t slept in days. He had dark circles under his eyes and his face was gaunt, his hair a mess and you were pretty sure that he was even skinnier than before – even though that was hardly possible. You rushed over to him, gently gripping his shoulders.

“Spence! Are you alright? You look ill. Goodness, you should have told me if you weren’t feeling well, we could have rescheduled!” Spencer however was just staring at you, blinking rapidly. You frowned and gently cupped his face.

“Spence?”, you asked again. His eyes focused on your face and his own expression morphed into a confused frown.

“You’re concerned about me? Why?”, his voice was soft as always, but raspy as if he hadn’t spoken in days.

“What do you mean, Spencer? Of course I’m worried about you if you don’t feel well.” Now you were the one being confused. What was going on here?

“But I hurt you.” Everything fell into place the moment he said the words. Spencer was feeling guilty. And, as well known, Spencer wasn’t the best at dealing with feelings and emotions. You studied his face and his form again, noting all the little giveaways of tiredness and exhaustion. You sighed softly and gently cupped his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you.

“Yes, you all did. But You’re my friend Spencer, a very good friend at that and as a friend I do love you. And that love doesn’t just go away because you made a mistake or hurt me in any way. I don’t want to see you ill or not feeling your best in any way.” It took some moments for Spencer to absorb your words, but you absolutely knew when he did because tears threatened to spill. You pulled him into a strong hug, burying your own face against his shoulder.

“I’m glad to see you, Spence. I missed you and your statistics”, you muttered quietly but knew he had heard you when he squeezed you once.

“I missed you, too” he whispered against your neck. Staying like that for some time, you both were smiling once you moved away from each other.

“Coffee?”, you grinned at him.

“Definitely!”, he smiled back and held open the door for you to pass through. You walked to the small table you always took when it was empty. It was a bit more secluded than the rest of them but had a perfect view on the people passing outside. People watching was something both you and Spencer enjoyed, and a little distraction surely wouldn’t go amiss during the following conversation. In the meantime, Spencer went to order your drinks.

Once Spencer had brought over your drinks and was sitting opposite you, you noticed how he started to fidget with the spoon, obviously being anxious about the oncoming conversation.

“So, let’s get over with the bad side of the conversation so we can talk about nicer things”, you wink at him, giving him the opportunity to start. It was obvious that he had thought about everything, and by the looks of it, had forgone sleep in the process.

“I was surprised you reached out after everything”, he stated quietly.

“I thought about the situation for a long time. And I never thought any of you excluded me with malicious intent, to begin with. When Hotch offered to hold the position and after Rossi came over to talk to me, I found that I needed to talk to each of you before making my final decision. Rossi came by without announcing his visit and Derek also didn’t leave me much chance, even though he at least let me know in advance. After a day without anyone of the team I reached out to you because I miss our conversations. And because I want to clear up the situation between us. Because even if I were to decide to leave the team, I don’t want to lose the friendship that we have.” You smiled at him, trying to reassure him that the conversation wouldn’t end in a bad way. Spencer swallowed hard and fidgeted with his spoon for another few moments before taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders.

“I want to apologize. I know that we have been kind of excluding you and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I don’t have any excuse. I know I haven’t been including you in conversations or inviting you to hang out with us. I know you’re probably feeling left out and like you don’t belong with the team, but I want you to know that’s not how we feel about you at all. You’re a vital part of this team… and our friend group.” You nodded along to his words.

“I think I know that now. Over the last year there were instances when I thought you all hadn’t invited me on purpose. That hurt. And I needed some time to come to terms with the fact that this all was just a big unfortunate misunderstanding which made me feel like a failure and like I wasn’t good enough for almost a year. But I understand that no one of you had any ill intentions. It doesn’t make the past year any better, but I do think we all can work through this if I stay on the team.” Spencer listened intently and slowly nodded carefully.

“I know it hasn’t been easy for you, being left out like that. But I want you to know that I value your contributions as a colleague and I appreciate everything you do as a friend. You did a lot for us. Not just for cases but in the office as well. All the times you brought coffee or breakfast for the team or the one time you made sure each of us had a little something for Valentine's Day last year. I’ll do better, I promise.”

You reached over the table to grasp Spencer’s hand, which had finally stopped playing with the spoon, and squeezed it gently.

“Thank you, Spencer. That means a lot.”

“I just wish that I had noticed earlier.”

“Well, me as well”, you chuckled, throwing him an exaggerated wink which made him smile.

“I felt really guilty when we found out. Still do, to be honest. As I said, I don’t want to excuse my actions or anyone’s really. I just thought you might be a very private person, closed off, just like I was in the beginning. I didn’t want to pressure you into doing something you really didn’t want to do. I feel a bit stupid just having assumed that.”

“It’s alright, Spencer. Well, maybe not alright. But I’m glad that we found out that it was all an unfortunate misunderstanding before the transfer went through. I really do love this team and I would hate to give it up.”

Both of you sipped on your drink for a few minutes, letting everything that had been said sink in properly. Even though you believed what you’d said, that no one of your fellow team members had any ill intentions, it still felt good to hear the apology. You still didn’t want Spencer to run himself in the ground though. So, you grabbed his hand again.

“I do accept your apology, Spencer. And I’m glad that we talked about it. I don’t want you to feel guilty anymore though, alright? Well, maybe a little. But promise me to not lose any sleep over it anymore.” Spencer smiled at you, shrugging a little.

“I’ll try.”

“Well, that’s good enough for now”, you grinned back at him.

“Did you know that prior social neuroscience studies have shown that similar areas in the brain are activated when we experience physical and social pain?”

You arched a playful eyebrow at Spencer’s little fact as if to say “oh, I hadn’t noticed” and couldn’t help but laugh at Spencer’s bashful expression when he noticed what he’d said.

“Well, do you also have a fun fact about Red Velvet Cake, because I’m going to bully you into buying me a slice and another coffee.”

“Of course I do. The recipe was known to the public for revenge. When it first originated, a Lady ate the cake in a restaurant and liked it quite a lot. She asked the restaurant for the recipe but they charged her $100 for it. She became so enraged that she widely spread the recipe as a form of revenge.”

You couldn’t help your laughter as he went to buy you the cake and another drink without even arguing. Of course Spencer would know random facts about cake. And of course Spencer would feel guilty. He was a brilliant man, even though you were sure that even brilliant was an understatement sometimes, and he was the one person on the team that always paid attention to everyone and everything. You were pretty sure that he had beaten himself up over not noticing those past few days. You just hoped that your words had helped a little. Just as his words had soothed an ache inside your heart.

Both of you spent the rest of the afternoon watching the people passing outside the café and trying to make up stories about them. Spencer sent you into hysterics with an elaborate story about an elderly lady dressed in fur, who in his opinion was a foreign spy from western Europe trying to steal the secret cat food recipe so her 37 cats back home would finally be content and not wake her up at 4am anymore.

Feeling more content than you had in the last few days, except maybe for right after you’d eaten Rossi’s Lasagna, you made your way home. Feeling like staying on the team might actually be the right thing to do. You hadn’t lied to Spencer when you’d told him that you felt that you all could work through the issue at hand.

---

In the following two days you met up with both Emily and JJ. Emily had been quite frank as always. She’d asked you why you’d never said anything at all but backtracked pretty fast when she noticed how the question might sound to you.

“I just- I can’t believe the entire team was that stupid. We’re all profilers, the best of the best at that. We should have noticed. We all know the ‘no profiling each other’ rule doesn’t work either way because we subconsciously do so anyways”, she’d explained awkwardly before apologising for the situation at hand.

You were content with that, however. Everyone knew that Emily was a private person, guarding her life and her emotions very well. Often times it was only Hotch who could see though her, but then again Hotch could see through almost everyone.

To say that you had been surprised when Emily suddenly hugged you would be an understatement. Returning the hug, she’d quietly apologized and promise to pay more attention. Only after you had accepted the apology, she’d dragged you to go out and get drinks.

The meeting with JJ had been pretty similar. She’d straight up apologized and promised to do better. She knew the impact feeling unworthy could have first hand, she’d explained hinting at her sister. You both had talked through the situation while Will supplied both of you with non-alcoholic drinks on a semi-regular basis.

You had also briefly talked about what you would do if you were to decide not to stay on the team. JJ had been supportive and offered to introduce you to some of the people working in the other teams if you decided to leave. Due to her time as media liaison, she knew quite a lot people outside the BAU Team.

The meeting had then shifted into a catch up on different topics and you had been supplied several pictures of Henry, who was at a birthday party at the moment. He seemed to be a sweet child if all the pictures were anything to go by. JJ promised to introduce you in the near future. You also found that Will had quite a wicked sense of humour and was great to talk to. Once the serious discussion had been over, he had joined the two of you. You hadn’t really interacted with him before and were happy to find out that he was a great guy. Not that you’d doubted that before.

Garcia was the one person you had dreaded a little. Not because you didn’t want to talk to her or didn’t like her. But because this talk was bound to be the most emotional out of all of them. You decided to stop by her apartment on your way back from another outing, thinking maybe a surprise visit might make things easier. Boy had you been wrong. Waiting for Garcia to open the door after ringing the doorbell, she froze the moment she’d opened the door and realized who was standing in front of her. You were sure she’d tried her best to keep her emotions in check, but she failed miserably.

“Oh God, Y/N?”, she’d greeted you, staring at you like she’d never seen you before. You had smiled at her a little awkwardly and uttered a joking “surprise!”, before she reacted, asking you if she could hug you which you gladly granted. You hadn’t quite expected her to start crying at that. Even though in retrospect you should have. No sooner had some of her tears spilled over did she start to apologise. You let her get everything out before gently asking her to slow down a little.

“God, I’m so sorry. I promised myself not to cry, I don’t want to guilt trip you or anything. Really! I’m just so glad to see you.” You did reassure her that it was alright before both of you settled down to talk about the misunderstandings and everything that had happened.

“I know we were all pretty blind and everything. But I promise that we did want to have you there. I even photoshopped you into some of the pictures we took because it felt like they were missing something without you. The team isn’t really the team without you, Y/N.” And damn, as ridiculous as it sounded, your heart felt warmed at her words. The fact that there were photoshopped pictures of those outings having you in them made it very clear that you had been wanted there. Garcia even showed you a few. And while it hurt a little to see the pictures of your team grinning at the camera without you having been there with them, you were quite impressed by Garcia’s photoshop skills. Not surprised though.

---

After the talk with Garcia you did feel ready to make your final decision. You were pretty sure already but decided to sleep on it another night. Once you had decided you texted Garcia to ask if the team was on a case and were relived to hear that they actually had two off days lined up. Now that you had made up your mind you wanted to inform Hotch as soon as possible.

Hotch had been very sweet those past days, for lack of better words. He had stayed in contact with you, checking up on you and how you were feeling regularly. You’d always informed him if you met up with any member of the team, feeling like he should know that it was part of your decision process. He had been supportive of that, letting you know off days or when the team was on a case so you could plan the meetings as well as possible.

It felt weird to stand in front of his door now, though. You hadn’t been here before and doubted your decision a little. Maybe you should have waited and planned on going to the office to tell him. Now that you were already here though, you felt stupid to just leave again. You could hear a child laughing through the open window, presumably Jack, whom you hadn’t met yet either, as well as Hotch’s deep voice. Taking a deep breath you rang the doorbell, expecting your boss to open the door. In front of you stood a young boy, however. You smiled at him.

“Are you Miss Y/N?”, he asked curiously.

“I am!”, you smiled at him. “I guess you have to be Jack then? How did you know it was me?”

Jack nodded vigorously, leaning closer to you as if to tell you a secret.

“I saw you standing outside and asked Daddy who you were”, he told you very seriously which made you laugh.

“Won’t you let our guest in, buddy?”, you heard Hotch’s voice coming closer. Jack grinned and moved back to let you step in before closing the door.

“Hi Hotch”, you smiled at the man moving towards the two of you. He was wearing casual clothes again which made absolute sense, but you were so used to seeing him wearing suits that you were still taken aback a little. If anyone had asked you three weeks ago if Hotch even owned Jeans, you would have laughed and answered with a very definite no.

“It’s good to see you, Y/N. Do come in. We were just making Breakfast in case you haven’t eaten yet.”

“I haven’t”, you acknowledged and followed him into an open living room.

“Make yourself comfortable. Pancakes are done in a few minutes.” Jack climbed up on the couch to sit beside you once you had settles.

“Daddy makes the best pancakes!”, he informed you happily.

“I see, I am in good hands then!” Jack nodded in agreement before moving on the book sat beside him, which he had apparently discarded to open the door. It was about snakes.

“Did you know that Snakes smell with their tongues?”, Jack asked you suddenly. You nodded in agreement.

“Mhm. Did you know that some Snakes can sense heat which is how they know where their prey is located?” Jack stared at you wide-eyed and shook his head. You gently took the book from him, searching for a side which had a big enough picture of a Pit Viper.

“You see the two small holes in its face? They’re called pits and the snake can use those to sense heat. It’s how they know where to attack in the dark. They can also hear vibrations in their jaw bones. They can’t hear the way we do. They use a bone attached to their jaw called a quadrate to sense vibrations, which is also how they can locate anything that moves.”

Hotch chose that moment to come back with a huge stack of pancakes that he placed on the dinner table which was already set for three people. Seems like you might have stood outside far longer that you thought you had.

“You know a lot about snakes”, he stated while moving around to get some orange juice. Domestic Life definitely suited him.

“I do. I used to have snakes for most my life. They’re pretty cool.”

“Do you still have one?”, Jack asked excitedly which made you laugh.

“I do. I have a small Rosy Boa called Daisy. She’s quite a docile girl. Maybe I can introduce you one day.”

You looked up to find Hotch quietly laughing, raising an eyebrow in question.

“You called your snake Daisy?”

“Sure. I’ve always named my snakes after flowers. Not gonna change that tradition until I run out of names.”

Having won Jack over by simply liking snakes, Breakfast was a lively affair. You knew that Hotch was a good dad, you’d never doubted it. It showed in the way he always made sure to call his son while on cases and the fact that he often felt like he didn’t do enough. It was a little weird to witness the domestic scenes, still. It was a harsh contrast to the person Hotch was at the office. You weren’t about to complain though. It was a refreshing change, and you were glad that Hotch felt comfortable sharing that side of him with you.

It was after Breakfast that Jessica swung by to pick Jack up for a play date with another friend, which later turned out to be Henry. You were pretty sure that it was a spontaneous meet up which Hotch had organised after seeing you standing in front of his door. Before leaving jack came over to give you a hug and say goodbye, but not before telling you that he hoped that you stayed on his dad’s team because you made it better. When you just stared at him confused, he grinned at you.

“Don’t worry, Miss Y/N, Daddy didn’t tell me to say that to you. I just listen when Daddy talks about work and you sound like you made the team a better place. He still has the mug you gave him for his birthday last year (which had a corny joke about grumpy pants on it) and he often said that you brought the team breakfast.”

“Thank you, Jack”, you answered, still stunned. You hadn’t expected a child to be so insightful. Then again it was Hotch’s child, maybe you should have expected it. You settled back on the couch while Hotch saw his son off, taking note of the memorabilia in the room as well as the array of toys and children books.

“So, I take it that you’ve made a final decision?”, Hotch asked as he was moving back towards you, holding two cups of coffee in his hands.

You just nodded and gratefully took the offered mug, turning slightly more towards Hotch who was studying you closely.

“I know that I already said it at Rossi’s, but I’d like to apologize again. We were blind when we absolutely shouldn’t have been. In our job we see how people hurt each other every day, we look for any sings, clues or behaviours that validate our thesis. We should have noticed them in one of our own sooner, even though there shouldn’t have been any reason for you to feel the way you felt, at all. I’m sure that each member of the team has already said it, but there really is no excuse for how we acted.” Hotch’s voice, while barely ever aggressive when not talking to an unsub or a suspect, was positively gentle and soft. No sign of the usually stern edge to his voice, no glare, no frown. By now you were pretty sure that the Hotch at work was just a persona he put on to shield the team from any possible harm.

“I do accept your apology, Hotch. What you said at Rossi’s about me feeling the way I felt about the situation has really helped me deal with the whole process. I felt a little ridiculous at first, but I now can accept that it was a misunderstanding. You’re also right. We all should have noticed sooner and communicated with each other better”, Hotch nodded along, his head tilted in question though, which made you smile. “I say we, because I am aware that I could have said something sooner. Communication is a two-way street after all.” At that Hotch was about to interrupt you, but you gently shushed him by grabbing his hand.

“I know that no one of you had any ill intend. And I am pretty sure that we can all work through the situation at hand. That doesn’t mean I don’t expect a fancy coffee as a welcome when I come back to work next week.” It took him a few moments to process what you had said, but once he did a delighted smile appeared on his face, one which you’d never seen before. You did like it though. Hotch was your Boss, but you would acknowledge that he was indeed attractive any day. The smile made him seem years younger and he was positively glowing, looking more than handsome. You grinned back at him. His hand, that you were still holding, gently squeezed yours and he leaned closer towards you.

“I am really glad to hear that, Y/N. I will personally make sure that any coffee wishes will be fulfilled. It’s the least we can do. The bullpen really hasn’t been the same without you.”

“What do you mean?” You were pretty sure that your impact at work had been minimal at best. After all, the bullpen was loud, noisy and chaotic and you usually didn’t participate in any of the shenanigans.

“Let’s see… Derek has noticed that the spoiled food from the common use kitchen area didn’t magically disappear anymore. He even questioned the cleaning lady about it and asked if that was part of her usual tasks. Which, of course, it wasn’t. Several team members have also found that their favourite coffee creamers aren’t actually part of the company’s provided products. Rossi has found that he doesn’t receive assorted files of interesting crime reports and difficult crossword puzzles anymore and Derek has found that all his mugs don’t just clean themselves. Garcia was very bereft when she found out that no one of the other girls had given her clippings showing the most colourful clothes of the season and the amount of times Emily had a breakdown over her printer not working over the last two weeks is simply astounding. JJ no longer has pre-sorted files on her desk and Reid doesn’t receive random book recommendations or interesting news articles on some obscure scientific subject anymore. And my own piles of cases have mysteriously grown without the workload changing and are no longer sorted. Just as I have found out that I apparently didn’t just forget that I had hung up Jack’s drawings in my office almost all the time when I noticed that I don’t even have the little magnets used for the board. And the only constant that has changed over the past few weeks is you not being in the office, Y/N. So you see, you made quite an impact without anyone, including yourself, noticing. You made the place feel friendlier and just so much warmer, that we all felt quite bereft. Not just because things were suddenly different, but because we saw how much you did for us and how little we gave you in return.”

You couldn’t help but stare at Hotch while he was stating all that in his usual matter of fact kind of way. You were feeling so many emotions at once that it was difficult to grasp one to concentrate on. Your mouth was opening and closing, oddly reminiscent to the situation at Rossi’s dinner. But this time you didn’t feel absolute dread curse through your body, of that you were sure at least. You felt warm and fuzzy and a sense of disbelieve that finally someone had noticed all the small things you did. You had never been the best with showing that you cared, always trying to show it through small acts of service that would make someone else’s day a little brighter or a task a little less daunting.

“I’ve made you cry again”, Hotch muttered softly, pulling you closer towards him. Only then did you notice that you were indeed crying. Twice in a row. In front of your Boss. You couldn’t help yourself though, and moved even closer, wrapping your arms around his waist, and squeezing him.

“Thank you”, you said quietly through your tears.

“Are you thanking me for making you cry?” An incredulous laugh escaped his lips at the situation, and you couldn’t help the smile tugging at your lips.

“I’m thanking you because no one really noticed those things before. Even though the situation might not be ideal, you did notice. It’s always been my way of showing that I care but it usually gets overlocked in everyday life.” You felt how Hotch’s arms pulled you closer towards him before he settled against the back of the couch, one hand running through your hair and the other one rubbing soothing circles on your arm.

“I don’t really think we deserve you, but I’m glad you decided to stay on the team.” His voice was quiet, but he had rested his cheek against your hair, so you could hear him perfectly fine.

”Me as well”, you responded just a quietly. And you really were. You couldn’t wait to start over with everyone and to move on from this whole mess. You felt your body relaxing against Hotch’s warmth, enjoying the feeling of safety and being cared for. It wasn’t exactly what you had expected from Hotch when all of this started, but maybe you shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, he was the one always making little jokes to see other’s smile or offered encouragement and help if anyone on the team needed it – no questions asked. One of his hands moved to cup your cheek, carefully turning your face to look at him.

“I promise that things will change once you’re back. Well do our best to make up for our mistakes and to make sure you’ll always feel like a wanted and needed, valuable member of our team. I promise, I’ll do better.” The last part of the sentence stuck with you. Of course he would feel responsible for the entire situation.

“I know you will, Hotch. I trust you.”

You could feel how his own body relaxed at your words and felt content with the knowledge that you had eased his mind a little. You snuggled back against his side, closing your eyes and taking the feeling of contentment in. His arms wrapped tighter around you and his chin came back to rest on top of your head. Had anyone told you four weeks ago that you would end up on Hotch’s couch and snuggled into his side, you would have laughed at them. Now though, you would hardly trade that place for anything.

---

On your first day back at the BAU everyone was shocked to see you. You had made Hotch promise not to tell them anything. Still, you found a steaming cup your favourite coffee as well as a bagel from your favourite bakery on you desk. Looking up, you smiled at Hotch who had remembered the little demand you had made in jest the other day. What really made your heart melt though was a colourful self-made welcome back card from Jack, which you found once you opened one of your drawers.

The team welcomed you back with open arms and hugs, and maybe a few tears on Garcia’s part. You were surprised that you seamlessly fit into the dynamics after everything that had happened. The first few weeks you were cautious, expecting to find out that there were meet ups you hadn’t been invited to or to see random new photos of the group with everyone except for you. It didn’t happen though. Instead you found yourself sitting in-between your colleagues and friends at team dinners in Rossi’s living room or garden every month, as well as some of the weirdest Bars and Clubs you’d ever seen on a semi-regular basis. Every other week you and Rossi met up for private dinners, mostly consisting of his Nonna’s receipts – some of which he’d even taught you. Those nights were a safe-heaven for you, having found a father-like figure in your friend. When there was enough time or pent up frustrations, you found yourself at one of Derek’s construction sides to help him out and learning loads of new things from him. Both of you had constructed the perfect library in your little home in no time, a room Spencer was frequently found in now. Somehow, you weren’t quite sure how it had happened, you found yourself a part of Derek’s and Garcia’s pre-established movie nights as well, finding out that Derek didn’t just like Disney films but was a sucker for Rom-Coms. Emily, JJ and Garcia had also roped you into joining their shopping and spa days. While you could get behind the spa part, shopping really wasn’t something you considered fun. The girls made it bearable though and the promise of after-shopping-drinks kept you joining most of the time. The number of conventions you had visited with Spencer was way too high, but you didn’t really care. Derek was suffering under it, since you also had joined his and Spencer’s film nights. With you in the picture and mostly on Spencer’s side when it came to film choices, his try to teach Spencer pop culture was for naught. Emily, who secretly was a foodie, had introduced you to a ton of new restaurants and dishes as well as renowned night clubs you’d never set a foot in otherwise and jazz bars you adored. You also spent a lot of time with Hotch and Jack, introducing them to Daisy and joining them on day trips to the zoo or the aquarium as well as joining his weekend soccer matches with the rest of the team. Every now and then while on a case, you found yourself enjoying a glass of scotch with Hotch in privacy, talking about Jack or any other subject that came to your minds.

For one miserable year you had felt like you were on a never-ending treasure hunt, searching for a place to call your home. Searching for a place to feel safe and to feel warm. It had been draining to pretend that you belonged within the team, to pretend to like and understand what they were saying. You had asked yourself where you belonged every day. And you finally had found a solid answer.

---

“When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible.” Brene Brown

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Sei un raggio di sole  – You are a ray of sunshine

Puffetta - Smurfette

Gioia  – joy

passerotto/a – “sparrow”, usually exclusive to girls

Dolcezza - sweetness

caro mio/cara – My Dear

Bellissimo/a - gorgeous

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Thank you so much for all your lovely comments! I have to admit that you might have made me cry a little with all your kind words and appreciation. Thank you for waiting so patiently for part 3, I know that it took me ages to write… Life just really got in the way of things. I had to shorten it a little and cut the lengthier parts about the meetings with Emily, JJ and Garcia. I might post them as an excerpt one of these days. I really like the parts dealing with Rossi, Derek and Hotch. With the rest I’m a bit unsure, but I didn’t want to keep you waiting. Part 4 is going to be the alternative ending in which the reader leaves the team.

I hope you enjoyed part 3!

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