“I’d Spent The Last Three Years Trying To Build Up Some Kind Of A Skin, So I Wouldn’t Drip With

Nothing more can be scarier than the fact when you realise that your life isn't happening , it is just passing.

Clarice Lispector, tr. by Stefan Tobler, from Água Viva

[transcript: 1. “god, god, what do i do/after all this survival?” 2. “he was a miracle of moving parts, a study in survival.” 3. “her suffering was her armor. gradually it became her skin. then she could not take it off.” 4. “enduring things is what you do best. gritting your teeth and bearing them.” 5. “i am going to make it through this year if it kills me/i am going to make it through this year if it kills me.” end transcript.]

traci brimhall/maggie stiefvater/jeanette winterson/han kang/the mountain goats

“Don’t we touch each other just to prove we are still here?”

— Ocean Vuong, from On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous

A doubt arousal

I will tell you it's not me

I am a product of virtues and vacancies

The next decision I take

Isn't mine at all

It is manipulated and churned

Ask me a technical term

I will define gaslighting

While defining gaslighting

If I add few irrelevant facts

Forgive me

I already am manipulated

my next few decisions

Aren't within my control

You have me saying it

But I am trained to say so

You have me telling truth

But I am schooled to say so

You have me telling lies

But I was prepared to sell those

If your guts gave you courage

I want you to believe me

When I say believe me

If you doubt yourself right now

Do it

Wear off yourself

Do it

descrate yourself

Do it

Cleave the thoughts you holding

Do it (yourself)

Severely impotent right?

wait I know it's not you

And now you know it's not me

It as it is defined

Is gaslighting

It ain't red lettered alright ?

This definitely is narcissism.

NARCISSISM IS A RACE

“My realities may be different from what most people call reality, but still they are realities.”

— Etty Hillesum (1914-1943), in a letter to Osias Kormann, from a Westerbork concentration camp, 1943, in “An Interrupted Life: Diaries and Letters 1941-43. And Letters from Westerbork″

Evil comes to light

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Eileen Myles, "Sleepless." I Must Be Living Twice: New and Selected Poems 1975 - 2014

“I don’t know if your story was true—you are the only person whose facts I never bothered to check.”

— Jared Singer, from Forgive Yourself These Tiny Acts of Self-Destruction