I Want Nobody But You | P.sh

► TEMPESTUOUS DESIRES [Jake.]

Abstract: For a messenger of love who effortlessly intertwines hearts, Jake himself remains untouched by the desires he kindles. This wasn’t a problem until he met you. Being disinterested in love and somehow always able to evade his shots, you soon became the object of his fixation but those very pure intentions to find you a good match soon gave way to obsession and temptations. As his golden arrows can’t be used to bewitch you to him, he ended up delving further into darkness where the lines between love and obsessions becomes blurred, corrupted by the insatiable need to own and possess you for himself. As he spirals down this treacherous path, he becomes entangled in a web of deception and manipulation, forsaking his once noble purpose.

Genre: fantasy | forbidden romance | supernatural | mythology | wc: 13k

a/n: inspired by New Jeans “Cool With You”. This has been marinating in the drafts for who-knows-how-long now. My brain can't shut up so here it is finally. Hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it. Do leave me some feedbacks or comments, it keeps me from sliding back to hiatus and descend down the writer's block hellhole lol.

© 2024 interlunium-opus. All rights reserved. Do not plagiarize, post or translate anywhere.

— i.

Figuratively and literally, Jake leaves trail of attraction and desire in his wake. As a messenger of love with unparalleled mental acuity and formidable archery skills, every arrow he draws from his quiver meet its target with unerring accuracy, ensnaring the unsuspecting victim with someone who is best matched, trapping them in a web of attraction and desires that would last the test of time. But it is not just his archery that captivates; Jake's ethereal presence, striking good looks, and flirtatious nature are a force of nature in their own right — captivating both humans and non-humans, leaving trails of attractions, desires and temptations in his wake.

He would have made the perfect Messenger of Love — one who is poised to go down in history. After all, the prevailing modern mindset which glorifies individualism and instant gratification has put lasting love in the backseat, making the job harder for the other Messengers of Love who could only strike attraction and lusts that lasts for one night. Hence, with every union that Jake successfully brought, he had become somewhat of a legend — someone with an innate, perhaps unlearnable, understanding of what makes love lasts.

Except, the truth is not as rosy. 

While beings like him are capable of feeling the emotions and desires that humans feel, Jake himself remains untouched by the all-consuming desires he sparks in others. His mental acuity helped him understood the mechanics of love — an intricate dance of personalities and the delicate balance of emotions — but the feeling itself eludes him. While he used to see it as a flaw when he was young, he now understood that it was this very detachment that grants him an edge in the field. Unburdened by personal biases or the clouding of intense emotions, Jake is able to navigate around with a clear and calculated mindset that allows him to dissect the intricacies of human nature, identifying the traits and compatibilities that foster enduring connections. 

Such mental acumen however, while providing him with a detached understanding, fails to bridge the gap between intellectual knowledge and the visceral experience of love’s consuming fire. In fact, despite all the flirtatious banter, sweet nothings and passionate touches he is capable of engaging and eliciting — his feelings remain only surface deep, that of attraction and lust which dissipates as soon as his conquests are bedded.

Perhaps it is exactly this lack of attachment that fuels his libertine tendencies — one that has been increasingly trangressed boundaries as he sought to not just bed his own kind but also humans, despite such liaisons being frowned upon. Perhaps the excitement and thrill of forbidden liasons is what he revelled in or perhaps, without him realising, he was seeking to fill in the void within himself which grows with each connection he forged.

Regardless. Tonight, was one of those days.

Assuming his human form — which is similar to his usual form except for the lip ring, gigantic wings and laurel wreath — he crashed into an after-party of a prestigious award ceremony, eyes immediately set on the apple of everyone’s eyes: the current IT girl of the industry whose looks could rival those from his realm. She was like a vision of ethereal beauty. Her doe-like eyes were large and expressive, capable of softening the hardest of hearts; her lips was full and luscious — both innocent and tantalizing — inviting unspoken desires; her slender frame, with its graceful lines and subtle curves, captured the essence of feminity, evoking not just attraction but a sense of protectiveness.

Jake smirked as his mind parsed her life history and pieced out the kind of person she was, finding his competitiveness instantly triggered the moment he learned of her iron-clad discipline and control when it comes to romance. As a young woman in a competitive industry that is still plagued with double standards against women, she knew her success stands at a precipice so despite all the love interests showered towards her over the years – she managed to stave them off, no matter how tempting. She had it all under control and she was poised for greater things given her diligence and discipline. 

But then she met Jake’s eyes and for the first time in her life, she felt her guards threatening to crack especially at the weight of Jake’s unflinching and seductive gaze throughout the night. Jake didn’t even need his poisoned arrows for he, himself, was almost like the poison that is laced over his arrow tips — the very object of desire for almost anyone he decides to charm. 

The next thing you knew, they were already locking lips in the hallway, the act of which quickly escalated as they moved to the van, hands absolutely glued to one another, roaming freely and wildly, before it all culminated in throes of passion that lasted for hours on her bed — a place she vowed never to bring a man over. Like the torn designers over the floor, all traces of controlled perfection she had masterfully maintained over the years crumbled under the weight of Jake’s intoxicating touch and seductive sweet-nothings. She was absolutely moonstruck and Jake did not even need his arrows for it.  

“You’re going to have to call in sick tomorrow if this goes on-” Jake mumbled in between the soft kisses that he trails down her neck as she whimpered his name again and again, delirious in pleasure while begging him not to ever let go, promising him absolutely everything — from her money to her career.

“Look at the industry sweetheart,” Jake cooed, eyes adoring what he had made out of her: a whimpering and clingy mess that is completely seized in desires and lust, “what would they say if they see you like this?”

She shook her head, breathing ragged from the umpteenth high she had raked with Jake, before pulling him into a hungry and messy kiss. “Love,” Jake mumbled in between kisses, saliva stretching between their lips, “you’re tired. It’s time to go to sleep.”

“You’re not going to leave me right?” she stared at him all bleary-eyed. Jake simply smiled, rubbing her cheeks softly as she tried hard to keep her lids open against the enchantments that Jake had justwhispered into her system, “this is all just a dream.”

And just like that, he would become a mere figment of a dream for her — just like all the other human he had bedded before. Sure, it was hypocritical of him to play around with them like that but he always reassured himself sickeningly that he wasn’t doing any harm by doing so. If anything he just gave yet another human a good time — a time they would never find in the touch of any other human. He also induced partial amnesia in them so that they would not go insane from longing for him. It’s a win-win, Jake thought to himself, smirking, as he pulled his suit over, fixing the placement of his lip ring with a flick of his tongue.

As he climbed out of the window ledge however, he heard the familiar sound of wings fluttering.

“Sooner or later, they’re going to catch on Jake.” Jake knew who it was immediately.

“Stalking me isn’t going to rake you scores Sunoo,” Jake scoffed as he turned around, meeting the eyes of the pale messenger who used to be his deskmate during his training days, “you’d be better off striking hearts instead. Your scores last quarter is dangerously low – you know you’d get demoted if you keep at it right?”

Sunoo swallowed thickly, “I can’t help it, love doesn’t last that long anymore these days. I can’t strike their hearts to one another knowing that it will only end in heartbreak.”

“That is exactly your flaw. You care far too much,” Jake sighed, “Come on, our threshold for successful matches is only in love that lasts for 5 years. Just keep that as a goal — ignore what happens within and beyond and you’re on your way to glory.”

“Not all relationship that lasts 5 years is love,” Sunoo’s voice hardened, eyes quivering as if trying to not believe the words that came out of Jake.

“Does it matter?” Jake shrugged, “love takes various forms. Innocent, tempestuous, scandalous, obsessive, toxic. Whatever happens, heartbreaks are part and parcel of life isn’t it? If it’s too much, we can always mend their heart by latching them onto another which then counts into our tallies and-“

“They’re not mere scores Jake. Hearts can break irreparably,” Sunoo interjected, brows twitching in what looked like a mixture of disbelief and disappointment, “you’ve changed.”

“As if you haven’t,” Jake winked as he slipped off the windowsill, his large wings fluttering open, keeping him afloat, “I know you’ve ventured down the Abyss to procure certain spells to alter your scores every quarter Sunoo,” Jake smirked, feeling triumphant at the hint of guilt evident on Sunoo’s gaze, “you’re not anymore moral nor ethical as I am. It's okay, we all got our vices. Just keep out of my affairs Sunoo and we’re cool.”

And just like that he disappeared, feeling re-energised from his night-long endeavour. In fact, he raked more scores than normal that day — the success of which was also aided by the fact that it was the first sunny day after weeks of torrential rain, bringing more people out and about, all in their Sunday best and in the brightest of moods, making it easier for his poisoned arrows to work its magic.

That was probably why you stuck out like a sore thumb to him when he was lingering at the traffic intersection for in the midst of people in bright and colourful get-up, with a delightful expression to match, you were decked in monochrome, with expressions so somber and eyes on your phone screen. When you finally looked up, your face contorted into a grimace, absolutely disgusted by the couple who was kissing in front of you.

The so-called Love cynics, Jake remembered a lesson back then, someone who is aversed to love. Could be Asexual, could be a product of trauma, could be just hardened by age and cynical outlook. They will be the hardest to bend but the biggest of catches. Jake’s hand was already reaching for another arrow in his quiver, his mind working hard in analysing your personality and trying to match it with dozen of other men within the vicinity — the perfect match of which he found in no time at the PhD student just across with whom you could share your intellectual interests with and with whom your more rational and logical tendencies could live in harmony with.

“Perfect,” Jake thought to himself as he directed his arrow in your direction, the strings taut in his fingers. Just 2 seconds after the light had turned green, Jake let his arrow go. That was an easy kill, Jake smirked triumphantly, confident that his calculations on timing, distance and strength, would have struck you precisely when the other guy would have come into your direct line of sight.

But then you suddenly ducked and all hell breaks loose for not only had Jake missed but his arrow struck the worst of targets: an expecting mother and, just across, a man who was on his way to his own wedding. It was a potential multiple breach of ethics that would have summoned him right to the Court Office.

“Fuck,” Jake cussed, blazing past the throng of crowd, scrambling for a lead-tipped arrow that is meant to reverse his magic, and stabbing it onto the woman just seconds away before she lurched towards the man.

“Can I help you?” the man asked, puzzled, as the lady who had stopped right in front of him with arms outstretched paused, looking dazed, before apologising. Jake exhaled sharply at the close call. Brushing his hair back in annoyance, he looked around, eyes frantically scanning for the you - the troublemaker - though by then you were long gone, swallowed by the bustling crowd.

“That’s a bit annoying,” Jake grumbled, shooting another arrow at someone else whom he quickly found a match for on the other side of the road. That union, he projected, would last at least 9 years but even that couldn’t quell the distaste he felt in his mouth after his near-miss – the distaste of which lasted almost all day despite the successes he raked.

And so that night, he stayed back in the human world during forbidden hours, finding you very easily through his network of friends. While you weren’t his first miss, you somehow continued to linger at the back of his mind, haunting him all day.

Sitting by your windowsill, he observed your every move as if you were a specimen to behold. He watched you get so engrossed in your report; watched you get annoyed by how your regressions didn’t come out the way you expected; watched in amusement at the way you’d accidentally dozed off, only to spring back to typing when you jolted awake.

“What are you so engrossed in?” Jake wondered out load as he floated inside, peeking over your shoulders, “Aww,” he cooed, “look at you, burning the midnight oil to finish up a policy paper to save the poor,” he sat onto the empty space on your table, next to your screen, “but who’s going to save you, you miserable poor loveless thing.”

“I could I guess,” he brought his knees up, hugging it close to his chest, “I do love a challenge,” he mumbled, chin resting on his knee as he watched you with a specific glint in his eyes, “I’ll make your first your last, how’s that?” 

It shouldn’t be hard, he thought, after all, there are 8 billion of people in this world. There are already about a hundred in your apartment building and a couple of hundreds more in your office block, and a couple hundred thousands more between your journeys. The probability is enormous, the possibility is endless, he smirked to himself as he lowered his face towards you, leaning in so as to whisper something in your ear, “you’ll thank me.”

Such optimism and excitement however quickly dissipated in the span of a few days as you somehow magically always evaded his golden arrows in time, causing him to have to use his expensive and hard-acquired lead-tipped arrows to reverse most of the effects. 

“You can’t see me right?” Jake floated in front of you, waving his hand maniacally before inching his face so close towards you as if trying to confirm whether or not you had a built-in radar for him.

As he parsed your history more, it became clearer just how difficult it would be to match you with anyone. Not only was your interest in a getting a partner or dating almost nil but you minimise any opportunities to find one as well: not engaging in social niceties beyond necessary; being oblivious to any interests towards your way; distancing yourself when you detect any hint of interest; and the list goes on. Indeed a ‘Love Cynic’ to the T.

The thing about hardened love cynics is that, while they are the biggest catch, they could also be your biggest downfall if you fail. This is because love cynics, once heartbroken, would feel despair and anguish like none other which just serves to fuel their skepticism and opposition to love afterwards – the result of which would burn holes in the records of any messengers who was in charge of them. Hence, they are always avoided especially by the average messengers.

But then again, Jake was not just your average messenger. He was amongst the best, rivalling some of his predecessors even with some scores made in turning love cynics around. So it was not all surprising just how obsessed he was with getting you a match.

One day, an opportunity came in a silver platter for him as the elevator you guys were in opened to a lad from IT, whose attraction for you was very evident from the way his face lit up, “y/n, it’s a been a while!”

“Well would you look at that,” Jake sung as he pulled an arrow from his quiver, grinning triumphantly. Jake did not even need to parse his mind to see the interest he had for you as it drips from his gaze to his voice. But as he looked back at you, who had shot the other guy the briefest of smile before whipping your phone up to mindlessly scroll your email, Jake’s grin immediately faltered. “You are seriously helpless y/n,” Jake sighed, looking almost as if he was in a trance as he inched closer, pressing the golden-tipped arrow against your back – the puncture of which would have struck your right through your heart, “your attitude needs fixing y/n or else you’ll never find someone—”

Jake was really just 3 seconds away from puncturing you when you recoiled. He initially thought you might have somehow felt the sharpness of his arrow but turned out the guy’s hand was just trailing languidly down your arm.

“Are you still angry about last time?” the man scoffed, the seemingly-warm smile fading almost immediately, “I told you last time, that night was a mistake. I was drunk and I tried to kiss you. That was it. I didnt even managed to do it since-“

“I don’t care about your reasons, you crossed the line,” you replied curtly, “and right now you are one step away from crossing another line. Remember what HR said last time? The next time it happens, they’re just one visit away and you’d immediately be out of the Ministry.”

His lips contorted into a wry grin, the annoyance becoming evident in his voice and face, “you must feel all high and mighty just because you’re in a more superior position than me,” he inched closer, looming ominously, “do you really want to know what true assaults are like-“

Almost too calmly, you hit one of the elevator buttons, its door opening just 3 floors before your destination as you turned your phone towards him, the screen showing a recording in progress, “show your face to me once again and this recording will get sent straight to a public forum. You won’t just be laid off here but this would burn holes in your record making it hard for you to find a new job.”

The man backed away finally, looking every bit flustered, “no wonder you’re still single, you’re a fucking witch-“

“And you’re just one fucking phone call away from being hauled off,” you interjected as you stepped out of the elevator despite it being 3 floor away from your destination. You hear him mutter curses loudly as you walked away. 

Jake was still open-mouthed as he trailed behind you, “that was,” he caught up, hands clapping, “pretty badass. I really thought I needed to step in for a second there but you,” he slipped through the closing door of the emergency staircase which you had just opened, “you were fearless. You were-“ he stopped short as he watched you stood immobile as soon as you entered the emergency stairwell. As if losing the strength in your knees, you leaned weakly against the door, head bowed down.  

Jake watched in confusion as you slid down, your breathing growing rapid, chest heaving, hands trembling as you muttered through gritted teeth, “get it together, y/n. It’s nothing.”

Jake knelt next to you, his mind delving into a specific parcel of memory from the night when you first met the guy earlier — the night when, under the pretense of drunkenness, had tried to corner you into an empty meeting room and tried to kiss you. “Shit,” Jake finally said, brows furrowing in a mixture of concern and guilt. Just moments ago, his competitiveness could have gotten you ensnared with the guy who almost assaulted you — the guy who had caused so much terror in you.

“I’m sorry,” he scooted closer now, feeling guilty. Now Jake may not be a saint nor would he call himself virtuous by any means but he was no devil either. As much as you grinds his gears with your aromantic and callous ways he would never match you with someone like that. 

He sunk beside you, forlorn, his hands ghosting your shoulders. He wanted to apologise but it's not like you could hear him anyway. He wanted to comfort you but his hands would just go through you. He felt oddly powerless. So instead, he stayed next to you in silence, straining his muscles so that his arms just ghost around your shoulders. When you finally calmed down, you leaned back against the door, exhaling sharply. 

Jake watched you intently, his gaze softening. “You know what,” he muttered quietly, “I’ll find you a really good guy — someone who will give you the world. Give you everything.”

For the first time in a while he didn’t see a mere tally to be crossed off the list. Instead he saw a person — a person who deserved the best and most purest form of love he was capable of finding. He rose up, his body curling over your back, leaning down to whisper a promise in your ear, “I give you my word.”

— ii.

Days turned to months and still Jake Sim could not find a match for you. Except this time, the fault lay mostly in him for he could not find anyone good enough for you. They are always lacking or excessive in something and he didn’t want to risk it falling apart. 

Not for you at least. 

And so in between entwining others’ hearts, he would linger around you, following you closely wherever you go, whatever you do. Like a specimen to behold, he watches your every movement and ponder over it up to the point that he remembers your habits and quirks like the back of his hand: how you like your coffee; how salty you like your food to be; the detours you take; your music tastes; the changes in your jogging routes; when you will get cold; when you’d start getting bored of something; and so on.

Eventually, it all fell into a routine. As you settle into your home, he settles with you – as if he belonged there. As you try things out and push boundaries, Jake was also always around, cheering you on – as if his morale support counts. As you considered your choices such as during shopping or working, Jake would share his thoughts and opinions about it to you as well – as if you could even hear him. 

Soon he begun to fill in the silences with you, telling you of his day; the matches he made; the realm he is from; his past and so on – venting on and on, as if you could hear him. 

And whenever you retire to bed at night, he no longer takes it as his cue to return to his realm. Instead he settled right next to you — watching you over like a Guardian Angel.

At least that’s what he deluded himself of until his eyes begun to wander farther each nights, pulling his mind deeper into the recesses of which he never ventured to before with you. It started slow, from eyes wandering, tracing the outlines of your face and body; to gaze lingering at your lips and your exposed skin, heartbeat racing as he wondered how they would feel under his. Soon he would find his hands balling into fists, fighting an invisible battle between desire and duty. Still he could never tear his gaze away from you.

The true test however came one night when you suddenly rolled over to his side, your face perfectly aligned with the crook of his neck and your hand perfectly landing to where his hand was. While this was nothing major compared to whatever he had gotten up to in the sheets, it sent his heart racing like none other. Almost automatically, he brought his hand up to your face, ghosting the outlines of your jaw, pausing by your chin as his gaze become fixated on your lips which was plush and parted slightly — so innocent yet so tantalizing and inviting. 

Desires begin to muddle his mind, self-control cascading as he transformed himself to his human form. The space he occupied sinking instantly with his weight, causing you to stir in your sleep. Alarmed, Jake immediately hovered over you, his hand gently covering your eyes as he whispered words laced with enchantments in your ears, “it’s all just a dream love.”

He slowly slid his hand down your face, thumbs caressing your cheek softly as he watched how your brows furrow as your instinct and will to wake up warred with his enchantments. Jake leaned down, planting soft kisses on your neck, “go back to sleep.”

Finally you eased up, gradually laying limp in his embrace. Jake smiled softly at the sight, that was close. He should have pulled away then but as if there was a magnetic pull, Jake could not tear himself from you nor did he want to. As if his senses were on overdrive, he could feel everything amplified. The way your body was perfectly dwarfed under his larger frame was evoking something primal and protective within him. The warmth emanating from your body was warming his own, enveloping him, making his skin tingle in anticipation. The scent of your hair and the lingering fragrance of your soap — a mélange of florals and greens — enticing him, intoxicating him to draw closer.  

His fingers begin to trail down, tracing patterns along your jaw, down your neck, to your collarbones. Your skin was soft and smooth and he marvelled at the sensation of it all against his fingertips. Every touch sent jolts of electricity through his body, igniting a fire within him that threatened to consume him whole.

Eventually his eyes returned back to your lips — these damned lips, he thought as the pad of his thumb brush softly over your lower lip, watching the soft flesh softening and bending under the subtle pressure of his fingertips before springing back to its plush and supple form, plunging his mind to treacherous depths where he envisions that it was his lips doing the undoing, mouth devouring yours, tasting the sweetness that he knew could be savoured on his tongue.

That was when something snapped and the next thing he knew, he had lowered his mouth to yours, gently pressing his lips against yours, intoxicated by the softness of your lips and the warmth which was enveloping him whole.

That should have been it. He should have pulled away then. After all, he just wanted a taste. But the more tasted, the more he craved and soon he found himself claiming your lips in a fierce, hungry kiss. As your lips parted under his insistence, his tongue plunged deep inside your mouth, as if seeking to devour you whole. You tasted like honey and sin and Jake just couldn’t get enough, yearning for more.

Desperate for more contact, his hand was already gripping your clothes, tugging it down, resulting in a slight tear – the sound of which knocked him back to his senses. He pulled away, breathing ragged, startled by the state he had reduced you to. Your hair was slightly disheveled, lips swollen, and shirt hung loosely off one shoulder, exposing a bruise that was blooming on your collarbone – physical manifestations of the intensity of his desires. Guilt seized him as he realised the extent of his actions and almost immediately, he backed away from you, recognising the depths of depravity he was capable of reaching. With self-control hanging by a thread, he knew he would lose all forms of control if he stayed any longer so with a heavy heart and mind still reeling from conflicting emotions, Jake teleported himself back to his realm.

You jolted awake not long after, your heart pounding in your chest as you sat up in alarm. It must have been another nightmare, you thought, trying to shake off the lingering sensations of paralysis that still clung to your body. With a dismissive shake of your head, you laid back down, your lips feeling strangely sore and dry. As you licked your lips, your eyes flickered open, tasting something metallic on your tongue. Curious, you brought your fingers to your lips, probing the spot that throbbed. To your surprise, your fingers came away smeared with blood.

— iii.

Back in his realm, Jake wasted no time in seducing a couple of others, spending the rest of the night in a blur of ecstasy in a bid to distract and numb himself with pleasures. Perhaps, the temporary pause in his libertine pursuits had led such desires to fester dangerously, he thought.

Except when he woke up the next day, you still bore at the back of his mind. Almost as if scalded, he could still feel the warmth of your skin in his hand, the softness of your lips on his lips. Worse, he yearns for it – yearns to feel more.

Something was going wrong, he thought to himself as he lingered around the market just outside of the apartment where he had spent the night at. Eager and desperate for a distraction he wandered further, letting himself be lost in the hustle and bustle of the morning crowd, looking aimlessly at the selection of fruits and flowers being sold.

As he passed by one of the exits however, he caught a glimpse of an archway materializing at a desolated corner, dark and thorny vines crawling out from within as if calling him. He had passed by this corner of the street a billion times before but he swore he had never seen the archway.

He called upon one of the boys playing nearby, “Hey, is that like the entrance to a new market or something?”

The boy squinted to where he was pointing but only looked back at Jake weirdly, “what do you mean? What archway? It’s just the unsightly brick wall-“

“There,” Jake pointed again, adamant, “the alley-“

“Sir, you’re either trying to scare me or you need your eyes checked because I’m seeing nothing but a dead-end,” the boy grimaced, shaking his head as he rejoined his friends in the crowd.

“What an insolent bast-“ he stopped short, looking back at the alley, the vines getting longer and longer. He suddenly realised what it was and why no one was seeing it. The Abyss, he muttered to himself, recalling all the tales he was told during his schooling years about a portal to another dimension – a dimension that is akin to a black market, having absolutely anything one could ever desire especially the most forbidden and illicit of desires. Hence why entering the realm has been forbidden, especially to those like Jake who hold official positions and is considered amongst the most noble and elite of beings.

But curiosity got the best of him. After all, the Abyss cannot be sought for it seeks on its own instead. In fact, rumours has it that only those with dark desires could open up the portal and Jake was confident that he had none of that. After all, he has absolutely everything anyone covets: good looks; wealth; reputation and glory. If he wanted he could get promoted; get the hottest girl in town; get the most lavish manor in the realm; and so on. Feeling haughty, Jake pulled his cloak over his head, slipping past the crowd towards the archway, "let's see what you think you can offer me then."

To Jake's disappointment, nothing had materialised so far no matter how deep he ventured. It was just an misty alley with faint cacophony of noises like murmurs, bells, and chatters. Jake scoffed, see, he thought to himself, no dark desires.

When he turned around to go back however, his grin faltered as the alley now disappeared, replaced by a literal abyss.

“Everyone has dark desires young man.”

Jake jumped, startled. Behind him was an decrepit old man, face hardened with wrinkles, “you’re not the only Elite who has walked these paths,” he grinned lopsidedly, “I can assure you they all thought the same way you did. Head held high, face grimacing in contempt as if they had just walked into muck. But in the end, they were always the ones who went so far as to trade their powers and long life – always the one ended up becoming the most wicked. Exactly the ones tragedies are made about.”

Jake swallowed thickly. He can see shadows forming behind the man, making the outlines of a mass of people congregating as if he was an exhibit. The muffled sounds now growing louder – almost like a bedlam. “Nothing is materializing though,” Jake managed, trying to cover the fear that was brewing within.

“Young man,” the elderly scoffed, “you being able to open up the Abyss alone is a feat no ordinary goodie can do.”

Suddenly a gust of wind hit him, causing Jake to cover his face with his cloak. By the time he pulled his hand away, he was back in the market – right where the arch was – except this time, there was no arch. Like the boy from earlier said, it was a dead end. There was a sudden ringing in his ear, causing him to double down, before everything quietened almost too deafeningly.

Come again once you know what is it that your heart truly desires boy.

Jake spun around, alert. But the old man was nowhere to be found.

— iv.

Troubled and unsettled, Jake went back to the human realm to find you. You had, after all, became his own little solace – like a home to return to. Even if you couldn’t see, hear nor feel him — all he needed was you close by. 

Except just when he needed you the most, he couldn’t find you. You weren’t anywhere you were supposed to be nor anywhere you could be. This would not have alarmed him so had he not also been able to sense you.

Fuck, he panicked, wings almost set ablaze as he rushed from one place to another at impossible speed. There could only be one reason as to why he could not sense someone he had 'targeted': the target had been struck by others.

“No no no no no,” he muttered in disbelief, chest heaving in panic. Jake never lose control nor composure but right now, he was spiralling. Gone was his pride by the time he appeared by Sunoo’s doorstep, dishevelled and manic, spitting out his version of events.

“You weren’t supposed to go down the Abyss!” Sunoo chastised him the moment Jake told him about it, “you know just venturing there robs you of your power – albeit momentarily.”

“Is that what this is?” Jake paced back and forth, “must be right? that I can't sense her simply because of whatever curse the Abyss had put on me?” He grasped Sunoo by the shoulders, eyes wild with fear, “–not because she has been struck?”

“Jake–“ Sunoo croaked, caught off guard by Jake’s sudden outburst and outpour of emotions, “–just, please calm down first. Since everything seems fine to you, it’s possible your loss of detection is the momentary punishment for going down the Abyss but... we can’t also be sure that she has not been struck yet.”

Jake knows that very well. Except, he didn’t expect that the loss would have impacted him this greatly. It was true what they say then. That the Abyss is so wretched and cursed, just venturing down will rob you of something that is very valuable to you. He never considered it before, thinking that losing his ability momentarily would probably do him good – giving him the respite he so badly needed after working so hard. Little did he know, it struck him exactly where it hurts.

“When will it come back?”

“If it’s your first time down there, probably a night. But the more you go, the longer the effects last,” Sunoo sighed, “Just wait until tomor-“

“I can’t fucking wait until tomorrow,” Jake bellowed, infuriated, before sinking onto a nearby couch, head buried in his hands as he tried to calm himself down. Sunoo sighed. It was the first time he saw Jake so wrecked, it almost pained him. "The Royal Scotts Rooftop," Sunoo muttered quietly, guilt evident in his voice, "I followed the girl earlier, hoping to find you. When you weren't around, I thought maybe you've lost interest- that'd be good-" he paused, "but I guess, you've never lost it."

Jake rose up immediately, he wanted to berate Sunoo for not telling him sooner but at that time nothing could top his desire and urgency to find you so before Sunoo could even finish, Jake had taken off.

— v.

Despite the sea of people on the rooftop of the 5-Star hotel, he could immediately spot you.

His face immediately lit up, materializing behind you within seconds. “I’ve searched everywhere for you,” he sighed, gaze softening, before suddenly feeling a hand go through him towards you. He turned around, seeing that the hand belonged to a well-dressed man with ‘Jay’ on his name tag – a consultant from another company who had worked with you on a project a year ago, “the confettis,” Jay mumbled, inching unnecessarily close – at least by Jake’s standards – towards you to try and ruffle some from your hair.

“Oh thanks,” you reached over to your hair, trying to take them out yourself, before breaking into laughter over the fact that Jay had a lot of glitter in his, “dude – you’re worse-“

Within seconds Jake had already parsed Jay’s character and his history – finding that, despite the clash of characters, Jay would be good for you. He was very giving, affectionate, and selfless – something you, Jake thought, definitely deserve. Jay definitely is the best match out of all the potential matches so far, Jake thought to himself.

This should have been enough for him to rejoice at, for him to start reaching for the arrow in his quiver. After all, it’s rare to see you interact socially with men and have a good time with them — even rarer to find that particular man to be one of the best match he had come across for you. Sure, you two had really strong characters that would square the other at times but Jay would ultimately always be willing to break himself for you and give you the world. 

Had you been any other person, Jake would have already struck you both in seconds, latching you both together. But peculiarly, his mind was working on overdrive finding 1001 reasons not to instead. “Come to think about it,” Jake reasoned, feeling irked by the second, “this man is too affectionate and too selfless. You wouldn’t want someone like that right?” he materialised behind you, whispering in your ear as if you could hear him.

When you excused yourself to get some refreshments, Jake continued trailing behind you, ranting on and on as if trying to justify his actions. Or lack thereof, “I mean, eventually people like those will just bog you down,” he overtook you, stopping right in front of you, gesticulating wildly, “the kind that will make you stay out of guilt – make you second guess your own personality and character. I can see it happen y/n.”

He could see then that a tall guy near the podium was staring right at you — the interest and attraction evident in his eyes. “Heeseung-“ Jake read the name on his tag, his mind already parsing through him, seeing that Heeseung was one of the senior officers in the department just across of yours to whom you had always held high regard of. Him to you too. Again, this would have been a perfect match. Unlike Jay earlier, his personality and character would hardly ever square yours. He’d always relent to your choices and your ways, letting you call the shots. 

You caught a glimpse of Heeseung, giving a quick nod of acknowledgement and almost immediately Jake blocked your view, as if it even does anything, “not him either y/n,” he argued defensively, “he’s a hopeless romantic. You’d get sick of him in the long run.”

Just next to Heeseung is another guy who also by then kept throwing glances at you. Ni-Ki, an intern who was under your tutelage just a year ago but has since then moved on to other department. Jake grimaced as he parsed through the young lad’s memory, “definitely not him. Too young, still childish.”

Eventually, you turned away from the crowd, and looked out at the street below, your mind reeling from all the socialising you’ve had to do earlier. As your mind wandered, you find yourself becoming increasingly lost in your own thoughts, unaware of the intense gaze fixed upon you. “No one here is deserving of you y/n,” Jake murmured softly as he leaned sideways against the baluster, his eyes transfixed on your profile. 

As if spellbound, Jake studied your features as if you were a work of art. His eyes traced the delicate lines of your face, the curve of your cheek, the gentle slope of your nose, and the soft fullness of your lips. He inched closer, drawn to you like a moth to a flame, until he was so near that you could have felt his breath on your skin, had he been tangible.

And then, in a sudden twist, you turned your head abruptly in his direction, your eyes locking with his in direct precision almost as if you could sense his presence and see beyond the veil of invisibility that cloaked him. He watched, completely paralysed, as your brow twitched ever so subtly, hand raised close towards where his cheek were as if you could really perceive him. Jake’s breath hitched — enchanted — as he gently angled his face towards your palm, slowly resting his cheek against your hand, imagining the warmth of your touch, the softness of your skin. 

Lulled by the possibility, Jake's throat tightened, bringing his invisible hand up to yours, ghosting over it as if cupping it — yearning for the connection to be tangible, for you to see him, to feel the touch that he so desperately wanted to give.

He still have not fully understood the swirl of emotions and feelings he harboured for you but in that moment — when it felt like there was only you two in this world — he knew he wanted this. You for him, and him for you. 

He wanted to freeze time, to prolong this moment of connection that felt so right, but a voice broke through the intimate silence, shattering the fragile bubble he had created.

“You haven’t changed a bit-“

Jake felt a large hand pass through his, taking hold of yours, and his heart constricted with a pang of longing. The hand he had wanted to grasp, to hold, was now in the possession of another man — a tall and pale senior coworker who was supposed to still be on an overseas posting. Jake's breath hitched as he looked up and witnessed the smile on your face, a smile that he had never seen directed at anyone else. 

"Sunghoon?" your voice lit up with surprise and delight, and Jake felt a stab of jealousy at the warmth in your tone, "I thought you won’t be back for another two years!”

Jake stepped back, his invisible form fading into the shadows as he witnessed the reunion between you and Sunghoon. The hand he had longed to hold was now entwined with someone else's, and the smile he had wanted to claim for himself was shining for another. The warmth, familiarity and endearment between you and the man was so evident that it begun to stir something unfamiliar within Jake — a mix of protectiveness and longing that he couldn't quite name.

“Thought life here was much better so I sped the contract up,” Sunghoon shrugged haughtily.

“I bet it's because I wasn’t there,” you joked, trying to match his playful haughtiness. Usually Sunghoon would have replied with something equally as smug but somehow, something has changed and you could feel it in the way his eyes bore into yours and the way his hand had tightened over yours, lingering purposefully far too long for it to be casual. “Exactly,” he answered almost too genuinely you find yourself at a loss for words so you do what you do best — feign nonchalance, “oh bugger off,” you playfully yank your hand away, “What have America done to you!”

He grinned mischievously, “well, you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

You shook your head dismissively though the smile that has never left your lips and the way your eyes never broke his conveyed more than words could ever.

“Can I get a hug now? You never visited like you promised you would,” he extended his hands, brows wriggling playfully.

“I never made such promises but fine-“ you shrugged, trying to feign nonchalance, as you let him draw you nearer, let him engulf you in his large frame. You have hugged him before but this time, this too, felt different. “I’ve missed you y/n,” you feel him bend lower so he could bury his head in the crook of your neck and you feel his hand slide over your waist almost too intimately for it to just be a friendly hug. 

This time however you didn’t feign nonchalance, deflect nor playfully reject him. Instead you let yourself sink fully into the warmth of his embrace, your hands reaching up to hug him back as your head leaned against his chest, eyes shut as you murmured softly, “me too.”

Jake had never seen a more perfect pair. Sure you two had your differences but together, you guys complement each other seamlessly like two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together. Your strengths balanced each other''s weaknesses, and your personalities would harmonize in a beautiful and enviable symphony of love and understanding.

Now would have been perfect, Jake found his rational self thinking, his hand automatically reaching for a golden arrow from his quiver. But instead of nocking the arrow and releasing it toward its intended target, he found himself hesitating, his knuckles turning white from the force of his grip.

In a surprising twist, Jake turned the arrow on himself, driving it into his own chest, directly over his heart. Immediately, the arrow exploded into a shower of glittering dust, as was its nature. Although the arrow had no physical effect on beings like him, with the way his interest and attention on you has dangerously warped with a mix of attraction, desire, and lust — he might as well have been shot with one. 

How peculiar, he thought. He had always wondered how does such intense love which human shared with one another feel and yet now that he felt it rising from within, all he felt was bitterness rather than joy. 

The glittering dust that lingered in the air seemed to mock Jake, serving as a tangible reminder of the complex emotions swirling within him — emotions of which was increasingly blurring the lines between duty and desire. While usually symbolising some sort of celebration, the glittering particles which was still dancing around him now felt like a warning, a sign that his path was veering into uncharted and potentially dangerous territory.

He knew then, perhaps a little too late, that he wanted you. Wanted you for himself.

— vi.

Since then gone was the desire within him to match you with anyone. In fact, gone was his desire to match anyone at all as he becomes increasingly preoccupied with you — more specifically, his desires for you.

He had begun to take on human forms longer than usual, trying to get your attention, trying to slip himself into the fabric of your life. But the task, which usually had been easy for him, was difficult this time because apparently his face and charms weren’t enough.

Having observed you for a long time he knew that blatant attention and attraction would put you off so he made sure to lay and play each parts carefully and strategically, making it seem as if everything was coincidental.

“Hi, I believe this is yours?” You asked innocently when Jake opened his door. In your hand was a parcel which had his name and address but somehow wrongly delivered at your doorstep.

Finally, Jake thought to himself, his heart almost leaping out of his ribcage. He had been waiting impatiently the whole day for you after having paid someone to deliver the package wrongly at your doorstep.

Almost effortlessly he feigned surprise and confusion, “right, sorry about that, I’m new in this apartment block so maybe there's a mix-up," he shrugged, careful to not look overeager, "been waiting for this limited copy of 1984 to arrive, thank goodness it got wrongly delivered in the right hands otherwise it would probably get resold in ebay or something—"

“1984?” Your face lit up. Of course my dear, it’s one of your favourite books isn’t it, Jake answered in his mind. Oblivious to the glint in his eyes and the subtle twitch of his lips, you continued excitedly, “I rarely see anyone around me read 1984!”

“Now you do,” he said charmingly as he offered his hand, satisfied at the way you have eased up, “my name is Jake. Jake Sim. I’ve just moved.”

“Oh I’m y/n,” you introduced, “I live in the apartment right under yours.”

I know, he muttered to himself in his mind, “thank you for this y/n. I’ll see you around.”

You nodded enthusiastically, oblivious to the way his words seemingly had double meaning.

The next few weeks Jake busied him by encroaching your life ever so subtly and strategically. You bumped into him in the same aisle at the bookstore and ended up chatting in a nearby coffee about your favourite books which somehow is similar to his. You bumped into him at dawn just outside your apartment complex before you go on your run, he himself was warming up for his, and that ended up with you two going on a run together.

Eventually you two became closer than mere neighbours that he could somehow orchestrate to get himself inside your place, “sorry about that-“ he apologised, coming out of your shower with the robe draping loosely and casually over his shoulders, making a poor effort of covering his chiseled chest and abs. 

While Jake was indeed very good-looking, you’ve always thought something about his looks seems so ethereal. But now, shed of all the sleek suits and tidy hair, he looks humanely good-looking and you found yourself almost stuttering in surprise when he got out.

“You should report it to the Head Office tomorrow," you averted your eyes towards the kettle in your kitchen, "I mean it's an expensive penthouse, how can the hot water be broken so soon? must be shoddy construction job or lack of maintenance."

“Burning the midnight oil?” He asked, leisurely leaning against the counter as he dried his hair.

“Yeah,” you sighed, pouring it into the flask where you had already added some coffee grounds and sugar. You felt the weight of his stare and out of pure courtesy, offered him as well, “oh, would you like–" you hesitated, "maybe not right? It’s almost 12.”

“Actually, yeah, that would be great,” he smiled, eyes boring into yours with an intensity that felt almost spellbinding. While Jake wanted nothing more than to bridge the physical gap in between you and him, and take your lips right there and then, he knew better than to submit to his desires this early. With others, it might have worked but with you he definitely had to take it slow. It pained him but like a prized conquest — he was willing to go through it.

Except regardless of how well-crafted his plans were, nothing could outpace what is really written. While he struggled to escalate the friendship he had built with you, Sunghoon had gotten closer and closer to you. 

When you did not come home one night, Jake re-assumed his non-human form, immediately locating you back in your office where you were burning the midnight oil with Sunghoon. 

Jake feels his anger simmering as he watched how Sunghoon latched onto you, following you wherever you go. He watched in frustration as Sunghoon hands hover close to you, as if being territorial; how his hands would even sometimes linger over yours more than necessary.

But it was the sight of you seemingly reciprocating him that was the most painful to bear: the way you let his hand lingered; the way you held his gaze instead of staring away; the way you never shifted as he drew nearer. 

The next thing he knew, Sunghoon had closed the distance between you and him, his lips gently pressing against yours, his hand snaking up your back to hold you ever closer. Jake was mortified. When you pulled away not long after, seeking a moment to catch your breath, Jake was sure then that you would have shoved Sunghoon off, perhaps even slap him for his boldness. But nothing of that sort happened for when Sunghoon re-attached his lips to yours, you didn’t resist, surrendering to the sensations he elicited, letting him devour you as you melt slowly into his embrace and touch.

Jake could feel the fury consuming him as he trudged up behind you, stabbing you with a lead-tipped arrow which would have sowed seeds of dislike for the other person but to his surprise, the arrow dissolved into dust the moment he stabbed it onto your back – telltale signs that the arrow will not work on you and nor Sunghoon.

That was when Jake knew that you were already written for Sunghoon and when that happens, nothing can usually be done because messengers are just really lower spiritual beings. That should have been Jake’s cue to give up but instead, it became a tipping point of when it all started going awry.

As his feelings festered in the worse of ways, he became more relentless and persistent in his pursuit of you. Except any small space he could have slithered himself ‘coincidentally’ into was becoming narrower as it becomes increasingly filled by Sunghoon. Soon it was Sunghoon who accompanied you running; Sunghoon who ate lunch with you; Sunghoon who accompanied you at bookstores; Sunghoon who sent you home; Sunghoon who stayed in your place until late.

There was absolutely no space for Jake anymore.

“Yes?” Sunghoon answered your apartment door one evening, not even bothering to conceal the distaste he felt within to see Jake at the door.

“Is y/n in?” Jake asked shamelessly.

Sunghoon shook his head, “she’s in the shower.”

There was an almost casual and domestic vibe to which Sunghoon was answering that question and Jake did not like it one bit. "There was a party at my workplace earlier," Jake passed on the box of cake and bouquet of flowers to him, "thought I'd share."

"Roses?" Sunghoon raised his brows, "She actually doesn't like roses. While she does like flowers, she actually doesn't like receiving them". Jake had to muster an insurmountable amount of energy not to let Sunghoon's words affect him even when he can clearly feel the venom laced in every words, "Oh and cake?" Sunghoon went on, "don't bother, she just like a spoonful or two, not the whole box."

You bastard, Jake muttered in his mind, wanting nothing more but to punch Sunghoon squarely in the face. More than that, he hated how Sunghoon knew the nuances of your likes and dislikes, making anything that Jake knew felt surface-level. If Jake knew your favourite colour, Sunghoon would probably know the exact shade of it; if Jake knew your favourite book, Sunghoon could probably cite your favourite quotes from it; if Jake knew you couldn't handle the cold, Sunghoon would probably know the precise timing of when to turn the heater on and off like an automatic thermostat. It was a sickening testament to the history and nature of your relationship with Sunghoon – of how far and deep it goes, the gap of which Jake could probably never bridge.

But Jake knows the subject of love well. With a mastery over the mechanics of love, he therefore knows exactly where the weakest links could be; where doubts and concerns can be sowed over time to topple the whole structure. In between you and Sunghoon, Jake knew your aloofness and romantically-inept nature can be a problem in the long-run with Sunghoon's possessive tendencies and predisposition towards jealousy. So Jake wanted to capitalize that.

"I mean, I just wanted to also thank her for the other night," Jake emphasized, noticing the way Sunghoon's jaw was already tensing, "when she let me shower at her place. It was so late but she was such an angel."

Jake could see the way in which the poison in his words worked it way through Sunghoon's system from the subtle ways in which Sunghoon's brows twitched and the way his jaw ticked though he tried to mask it with a diplomatic grin, "she has always been such an angel to the point of not sensing the ulterior motives in others," Sunghoon remarked with a hint of diplomatic sarcasm, "I'll make sure to pass the message. Next time it happens, let me know instead, I'll send a plumber right to your doorstep."

With that, the door closed and Jake's grin widened in triumph as he walked away, certain to have sowed instrumental doubts between you two. Except, as he lingered around the common area of your apartment floor, Sunghoon showed no signs of leaving. When 2 hours passed, he got even more agitated, impatience taking hold. It almost felt as if he was the one that has been toppled out of control. Jake had to do something though knocking at your door again is probably not the best idea.

So Jake transformed back to his non-human form – the ability of which was diminishing as days passed, the result of slacking in his duties and staying too long in his human form.

When Jake slipped inside your apartment, he could feel the dread rising, seeing the hallway too dimly-lit. “y/n,” he sighed in relief as he entered the living room and see you seated at the couch but soon the smile faltered as Sunghoon, who was beside you, leaned in and pressed his lips against yours – kissing you softly and tenderly. It was all cute and lighthearted – something Jake would have rejoiced seeing had it been any other person. But this was not just any other person. It was you. His you.

His hand gradually balled into a fist as he watched Sunghoon curled his hand over your nape, seizing you in place as he leaned in further to deepen the kiss. As the moment lingered, there was a palpable shift in the air – the sizzling tension of which was only mirrored in the way the kiss was escalating beyond it ever has with Sunghoon’s passion and desire growing more intense by the second as if he had been struck by countless of golden arrows.

Jake’s gaze hardened and as if possessed, he took out countless of lead-tipped arrows, stabbing it onto Sunghoon’s back in a desperate effort to stop him – only for each arrow to dissolve into black dusts – leaving Jake with no choice but to watch the horror unfold before him.

“Stop,” Jake croaked, hoping that you would pull away, that you would resist. But you didn’t. Instead Sunghoon’s body surged forward with urgency, forcing you to lean back onto the couch, his lips still glued onto yours. His movements were almost territorial now as he caged you in, his figure dwarfing yours completely while his hands rove possessively down your waist and up your back, tracing every curve and contour of your form, causing shiver to run down your spine.

Breathless, you pulled away, eyes locked into each other, breathing ragged, hearts racing wildly — the air almost catching fire from the sizzling tension. Sunghoon’s gaze, usually soft and doe-like, had darkened with raw passion and desire. Without anymore pretense nor hesitation, he plunged back in, crushing his lips down upon yours with fierce hunger, leaving you reeling from the force of his kiss. 

In a clear display of dominance and possession, Sunghoon pressed himself firmly against you, his lips parting yours, tongue slithering in to delve deeper, devouring you whole. It was clear then that this wasn’t just a simple kiss anymore. Jake knew exactly where it was all heading. 

And yet Jake was powerless to stop it.

— vii.

Jake re-entered the Abyss easily now for this was his 4th time. The 2nd was when he converted almost all of his riches for human money just so he can buy his disguises and play pretend in the human world. After all, the designers he wear and the penthouse above yours cost a fortune. The 3rd was when he bought more energy so he can stay longer in his human form. 

By now, the Abyss was no longer just a hazy dark alley of market with only one or two sellers visible. As Jake begin to understand and embrace all the dark desires he harboured for you, the place was now teeming with sellers.

It was true what the old man had said then, that the Abyss only reveals itself and the fullness of its world when you acknowledge your dark desires. In fact, the sellers that he can see are those who sell anything related to love and hate – as if the Abyss perfectly curates what you can see according to what your heart desires.

Jake marched to the corner where potions are being sold, the lady materialising out of nowhere, slithering in and out of the colourful fumes like a serpent. He reached for a ‘love potion’ — a bubbling concoction in deep red, “I want this but the strongest one. Get me the strongest hate potion too.”

“Gladly,” the seller cackled when suddenly the old man from the other day appeared behind Jake, “a messenger of love buying a love potion – do you, yourself, not see the irony in that young boy?”

Jake glowered at the man.

The man continued, “if someone like you can’t change her feelings, what makes you think potions can?”

Jake balled his fist, “tell me what to do then,” he lurched at the man, crumpling his collar, “you said this place has everything I could want, tell me where I could go then- who I should find- what I should buy-"

“What you want,” the man smirked, his eyes a pool of darkness, “carries a hefty price beyond all the wealth you’ve amassed.”

“Anything-“ Jake pleaded, memories of earlier replaying in his mind like a broken record, “I want her.”

Suddenly with a snap of a finger, Jake found himself transported into what looked like an underground cistern. Everywhere he looked were stretches of gigantic columns, dimly illuminated by an eerie red glow. 

Jake almost jumped, startled, when he turned around to see the old man sneering, his face contorting oddly. "The Netherworld?" Jake asked almost spitefully, "you've brought me to the Netherworld?"

“Get off your high horse young man,” he brushed past Jake, “entering the Abyss was one thing but being able to follow me into the Netherworld is another. You remember all the cautionary tales don’t you? It takes a very corrupted heart for a being like you to break through the veil and enter here-“

Jake watched the man descend down the stairs, alarmed when he saw his shadows bearing horns. When his eyes snapped back up the old man had turned into someone younger and taller — more than 2 ft — with horns curving out of his head and robes that seemed to be made entirely of black smoke, “what? you didn’t think I was an Angel did you?”

Jake took a step back, “you must be out of your mind to think that I would want to work with you, a wretched Evil Spirit of some sort?”

“You say that as if you’re spitting venom and yet the desires you have are just as wretched,” the man cackled, the shadows behind him growing imposingly large, “face it, their fates are written to be intertwined, how else do you expect to win her then? Parade as human? For how long exactly? You know you cannot overstay in the human world.”

“I saw a spell for partial mortality earlier,” Jake reasoned, startled when the man suddenly reappeared behind him, his long bony fingers gripping Jake’s shoulders, immobilising him from any attempts to run away, “right, at the cost of what Jake? Half of your wings? Entertain me then, how does mortality make you any more attractive to her.”

Jake opened his mouth, ready to answer but found no argument left. He heard the demon scoffing, his slender fingers brushing over Jake’s large wings which had by then turned a weird shade of grey from its original pristine white — symbolising the gradual corruption that had took hold, “in fact all of your converted riches would soon be used up before you can even get an ounce of additional interest from her. She is after all written for him.”

The demon snapped his fingers, reflecting you and Sunghoon at your most intimate moments on a dark pool nearby. It was a picture he had often been fantasising as of late except, the man that was taking you right now wasn't him. Consumed in fury — the emotion of which seemed to have amplified now that he was in the Netherworld — Jake shot his arrow against the reflection, the ripples causing the images to disappear. 

“Ooo, calm down lover boy,” the demon cooed, feigning fear by backing away, “I didn’t just plunge you down the murkiest of depths just to taunt you”.

“Then what?” Jake’s chest heaved in anger.

The demon smirked, suddenly looming larger than life, “there is possibly another way for you-“

“Spit it.”

“Take her away,” the demon suggested almost too lightheartedly, “bring her to this other plane. It's the only way you can fortify against the string that connects them. Wipe her memory clean, keep her preoccupied and just like that, she is all yours."

“But humans shouldn’t live in our realm.”

“Shouldn’t not can’t,” the demon corrected, “though no sooner than you can make love to her will you have the guards on your doorstep, sentencing you to death for breaking laws and ethics.”

Jake’s brows furrowed, "you call that a solution?"

The demon floated towards him, stooping to Jake's height as if wanting to appear as an ally now, "of course not, I'm just laying out all the options for you because I want to make sure that the choices you make are informed."

Jake's brows furrowed, patience wearing thin, "stop with the dramatics. You're a fucking demon, you will never make a deal that would be of the best interest for the other party."

"Well, I can shelter you both in this domain," he gesticulated wildly, "it's the only place that the guards don't venture into." The demon's grin widened as he watched the muscles in Jake's face easing, "told you I am on your side."

Visions of you in Jake's arms swirled in his mind. If he brings you here then indeed nothing else could come in between. Not Sunghoon, not anyone. There would just be him for you and you for him. Jake exhaled sharply, “what’s the catch?”

“Good boy,” the demon cackled, a throne materialising behind him and he sunk on it, “just work for me.”

Jake watched him in confusion as he looked around, wondering what would he need an extra hand for. The demon continued, “your arrows,” he motioned and suddenly his golden arrows turned black, trail of black smoke emanating from it, “use it to sow hatred and chaos. One strike on someone and his darkest desires would amplify to the point of action.”

“You-“ Jake swallowed thickly, the fables of when he was young ringing deafeningly in his head. He had heard of so many tragedies during his lifetime but he didn’t know he’d end up as the very man people cautioned him against: the elites who held the most potential but eventually turning to the dark side. Jake always thought of himself as incorruptible and yet here he was in the Netherworld, about to give up everything just to strike deal with a demon.

As if sensing his hesitancy, the pool nearest to him begin to reflect an image of you and Sunghoon in yet another intimate moment and just like that, something within him snapped. "I'll do it," Jake muttered in a low, yet steady voice, eyes glinting, "but you have to make her mine. Completely mine.”

The shadows that emanated from the demon's robe grew thicker, consuming him, leaving only loud his loud cackes echoing deafeningly throughout the cistern, "deal."

— viii.

You felt Sunghoon's hand seized your wrist, his touch firm as he pulled you onto bed. His lips found yours, tangling it in a passionate kiss, as his body clambered over yours, his touch possessive as he held you captive in his embrace. It took a considerable effort to pull away and break free from his grip which was almost like talons, "Sunghoon, come on now, I'll be back after my run-" you wedged an arm in between, stopping him as he attempted to reclaim your lips again. He sighed, burying his head lazily in the crook of your neck, "do you have to?" he murmured. There was a hint of plead in his voice, "it's not even sunrise yet."

"Exactly," you chirped, "best time to run."

Sunghoon sighed again, his grip reluctantly loosening as he rose from the bed, his hand gently snaking over your back to help you up. He hated letting you go alone for all he wanted was to keep you safe and close, by his side. But if there was anyone who understood you best in the world, it would be him. He knew how much you cherished your independence and freedom and he respected that, willing to give you the space and the alone time that you need, "promise to stick to well-lit and well-trodden paths?" he murmured softly with a gaze that is so soft and tender while his thumbs drew circles on your back, his touch both soothing and protective.

"Always," you reassured him, voice steady and calm.

You got off the bed, Sunghoon trailing closely behind, his hand never leaving yours. Once you had put on your shoes, you tiptoed towards him, planting a kiss on his lips as a reassurance. You could feel him smile into the kiss, his hand gently cradling your nape to stop you from drawing back, wanting to make the moment last longer. "Seriously," you hit him playfully and he captured your hand in his, holding onto it until you slipped out the door, lingering up until the very last moments.

Little did you know that your little kiss — an act you'd rarely initiate — would be your goodbye and little did he know that his reluctance, which was oddly so strong and defied all logics that dawn, was almost like a premonition of the tragedy that would befell you both.

— ix.

When you arrived at the park where you usually run at, you remembered feeling the dread rising. The trail was too foggy, the lights flickering doing nothing but making the whole place looked like a copy of Silent Hill. But you were always so fearless for your good, so you quell your doubts and anxieties — putting them aside as baseless.

Except when you began running, the fog only grew heavier and as you approached a bend, a massive black dog appeared out of nowhere, barking wildly at you. Startled, you veered off the main trail, hoping to outpace the menacing creature. As you hurried, your foot caught on an exposed root, and you stumbled. Before you knew it, you were tumbling down a steep embankment, the world spinning around you in a dizzying blur. You tried to grab onto something, anything, but your descent was swift and uncontrollable. Finally your tumbling ceased, leaving you in a crumpled heap, your body throbbing in pain.

As you lay there, numb and in pain, blinking against the dizziness, you noticed something peculiar about your surroundings. The familiar pine forest had transformed into a grove of ancient trees, their massive trunks reaching high into the sky. The sky, starless and moonless, was bathed in an eerie shade of dark blue as if suspended at dawn.

A sense of unease washed over you as you realized something was amiss. The air was heavy and thick with an aura of mysticism with an eerie silence enveloping the forest. You knew instinctively that something was wrong, and the urge to flee began to stir within you. But as you tried to gather your bearings and rise to your feet, your head began to reel, and your eyelids grew heavier. It was as if an unseen force was lulling you into a deep slumber.

You fought against the encroaching darkness, but your efforts were in vain and the last thing you remembered before your world turned black was a huge mass of shadow drawing nearer, its presence filling you with dread.

— x.

You woke with a start, your heart pounding in your chest as the familiar nightmare plagued your sleep once again. The dream was always the same—a black mist enveloping you as you ran, the sense of something sinister chasing you through the darkness. You sat up, burying your face in your hands, when you feel the space on the bed beside you dip. You feel a strong hand wrapped around your waist, its body curled protectively around yours. You feel him bury his face at the crook of your neck, planting soft kisses against it to calm you down. You turned your head, "Jake..." you whispered softly, meeting his warm gaze.

"Nightmares again?" he asked, voice soft and concerned, "you know dreams are just the Devil's plaything."

"Yes but-" you struggled to find the words, your mind still clouded with the remnants of the nightmare. Before you could say more, Jake hauled you onto his lap, his lips claiming yours in a passionate kiss, stealing your breath and your thoughts away. It was a kiss that made you forget the nightmare, a kiss that always felt like the first, no matter how many times he had kissed you before.

His hands roved hungrily over your back, igniting a fire within you that threatened to consume all rational thoughts. You kissed him back, surrendering to his passion, feeling him press forward, his lips parting yours with a gentle urgency as his head tilted to deepen the kiss, his tongue seeking yours. The kiss consumed you, sweeping away the remnants of the nightmare and replacing it with a different kind of darkness—one that was intoxicating and exhilarating. You finally managed to catch your breath when he began trailing kisses down your neck, nipping and sucking at certain spots, marking you as his own, claiming your skin with a possessiveness that sent a thrill through you. You could feel his desire, his need, and it only fueled your own.

Jake could himself hardly believe the moment would ever come: of him being able to call you his, of him being able to hold you close, of you actually reciprocating his love and touch. But indeed, this had become his every day now. Yet still, he could never get enough of you, wanting to imprint every touch, every kiss, onto your skin. You could feel yourself about to fully lose yourself to the overwhelming intensity of his touch when your eyes drifted to the window behind the bed, where the grove of ancient trees stretched as far as the horizon.

"Those ancient trees outside—" you stammered, trying to fight the overwhelming sensations, "it kept on haunting me in my dreams. Like a memory—" your voice trailed off as you felt yourself thrown back against the mattress, Jake hovering over you, his eyes burning with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine.

"You know you can't go out there," his voice was calm but there was an unmistakable warning in his voice, an edge to his tone that you hadn't heard before, "it's too dangerous."

You opened your mouth to protest, to ask why he always cautioned you against venturing into the forest, but any form of protest was muffled by another searing kiss. This kiss was different, hungrier, more primal, making you breathless and weak in the knees. "You're only safe with me y/n," he muttered in between kisses, "you're mine after all," his hips pressed against yours, his hands slipping under your shirt, making you shudder.

Jake had always been gentle towards you so the aggressive and almost primal way in which he was taking you right now was making you feel uncomfortable. The warning bells in your head rang faintly, but the sensations he elicited drowned them out. His kiss was like a drug, clouding your judgment and leaving you helpless to resist. As you felt him press you further into the mattress, your hands instinctively tangled in his hair, pulling him close, your body responding to his touch with a will of his own. Just like the clothing that were shed one by one, any remnants of doubt and hesitation begin to disappear. The morning after, you would wake up as if this castle had always been your home, as if this bed had always been the one you slept on, as if Jake had always been the love of your life.

But sometimes, when the nightmare comes, striking the deepest fear in your heart, a flash of images would surge through your mind, offering a glimpse of another life. Through it all, one constant remained — a man. His face was unclear, his features blurred by the haze of dreams, but his presence loomed large, leaving you with a sense of longing and an ache in your heart that you couldn't quite explain. It was as if your soul recognized him, even if your conscious mind could not recall his name or his face. The man may not possess Jake's gentle and warm nature but he oddly felt so safe. Like home. In fact it weirdly occurred to you that even if you didn't know him, you felt like you'd run towards him on instinct if you were made to choose between him and Jake — as if he's a sanctuary.

But then you wake up, and your heart would pound from the terror of being chased while your heart ached from what felt like loss and longing. While the terror would eventually dissipate throughout the day, the ache lingered, as if a void had opened up within you. That's why you always surrendered to Jake eventually for only it was under his soothing words and tantalizing touch could you fill the void and the quiet of yearning.

Until the next nightmare strikes.

a/n: damn writing the goodbye with Sunghoon made me ache lol. Hope you like this one. I actually enjoyed writing this one even though it did took quite some time to finalise. No, there won't be a Part 2 because I suck at writing continuations lol. And yes, there will be a Part 4 for Dancing with the Devil but patience friends.

>>> | Masterlist |

Heaven & Back (p. sh, l. hs) 2/2

pairing. step-brother sunghoon x female reader x step-brother heeseung

genre. I Would Give Up Heaven If I Had To.. AU, pwp, dubcon, M/F, fluff smut humor angst….mostly angst

warnings. morally grey characterizations(mostly Sunghoon- is he batshit? maybe.), profanity, toxicity, sibling rivalry, mentions of alcohol and death, time skips, full smut warnings under cut. minors DNI.

wc. 21k+

now playing. Heaven//Beyoncé

smut warnings. emotional sex, rough sex, unprotected sex, a moment with chocolate covered strawberries, lots of kissing, oral, breeding, etc

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“Talk?”

“What happened last night?”

Shit.

You know exactly what happened last night, and that is a problem. Instead of jumping to admit the truth, you gulp, shrugging to appear confused. You didn’t drink really, but he did.. “I don’t remember much..”

“Yeah. Me either.” He sighs, sitting up frustrated.

Thank God.

“You—we drank again.” Correcting yourself, you move inside of his room, making sure to shut the door behind you. “We should.. lay off the alcohol for a while. I don’t think we can enjoy this vacation if we continue hammering our skulls in like this.”

Heeseung rubs his hands together for a minute, appearing to deeply contemplate his next choice of words. “Yeah, that’s the thing.. I need you to be honest with me..” he sits up, picking up the TV remote control once you’ve fully shut the door.

This is it. Fuck. He knows. He definitely heard you..

Panic races up your chest as he turns on the room's TV, moving in slow-motion where he sits before you. He looks up at you, nodding toward the screen. “I couldn’t remember the check out time, so I tried to look it up and ended up here.”

Bright text lists out the room charges that have been made so far, showing a larger amount than you’d expect after a few days. “Wait, they charged us for those drinks at the pool? I thought that was complimentary?”

He stands up to take a hold of your hand, clutching the remote with his other. “Tell me the truth, please. Did you order those drinks? The bottle of champagne? The shots?”

“Huh? No!” You answer abruptly, confusion wrinkling between your eyebrows. “The waiter said—“

“I didn’t think you did.” He interrupts, peering at the door behind you. “But someone did.”

“No—“ following his gaze, your head shakes in disbelief. “He wouldn’t, that would be—“

“He would.” Heeseung cuts you off again, gripping your hand tightly. “Because he’s fucking evil.”

“But, are you sure?” You sigh, not wanting to believe that Sunghoon would stoop this low.. wouldn’t he? “That would be too much, don’t you think?”

“Far too much, which unfortunately my brother has always been. If it wasn’t him, then who was it?” He bites out, lip pulled back over his teeth. “Wasn’t me, wasn’t you.”

“Maybe the hotel made a mistake..”

“Come on, by now you know how my brother moves.” Clicking his tongue, he lets go of your hand. “I can’t do this with him anymore, he’s gone too far now. Playing with my mental well being and issues I’ve worked so hard on.”

“You really think he’d do something like this?” 

Of course Sunghoon would.. as much as it pulls at your heartstrings to consider, you can’t deny that he absolutely would do something this vile. Only worsening the guilt swarming through your stomach the longer you ponder it.

Heeseung pauses, packing away his things, jaw clenched tight. “He’s really got you convinced hasn’t he.”

“What?”

“Be honest with me, do you have feelings for him?”

The silence that falls between your hard and overly emotional stares could slice through a frozen over pool of ice, sinking you down to the bottom to drown as it collapses beneath your feet, suffocating your lungs down to nothing the longer you take to answer.

Do you have feelings for Sunghoon? 

In spite of everything he’s done that’s pissed you off and angered you, he still manages to awaken a new thrilling sensation within you each and every time you catch his eyes on you; all of the small gestures and smiles he displays only for you.

“You do, right? You have feelings for my brother.”

“It’s—I can explain.”

Heeseung scoffs under his breath, taking a step back. “He always wins.”

“He hasn’t won anything!” You shriek, mindful to keep your tone low and not draw attention from the opposite side of the suite. “There’s nothing to win here! This isn’t a competition.”

“It is though.” Heeseung groans, rubbing at his temples. Doing his best to subside his anger toward his brother and not involuntarily lash out at you. “At least to him it is, and you’re the prize he’ll do anything to win.” Shaking his head, he pauses to look at you, a longing behind his gaze, as if he’s taking you in one last time. “And he’s doing anything, even threatening my sobriety at this point..”

Turning away, he continues to stuff his belongings inside of his luggage, head drooped between his shoulders. “I really—I don’t know. I’m so angry, I’m so fucking angry, I can’t even think.”

“Hee, please, come on. Let’s calm down for a bit.” You plead, wrapping around his waist from behind to dig your face against his back. “We can figure this out.”

“Can we?” He whispers, grabbing on your hands. “When you can’t even figure out how you feel about him?”

“That’s not—“

“It’s the truth,” he turns in your hold, cupping your face. “It’s not your fault, I know how he is. I just wish it hadn’t been you.” Letting out a deep breath, he loosens your arms from his torso. “Stupid of me to think he’d ever allow me to find happiness. As long as my brother’s around, we will never be able to build a healthy relationship.”

“Hee, that’s not true!” You say brokenly, refusing to let him go. “It’s—I can’t get away from him! He’s everywhere! School, home, here!” You say between tears breaking, flowing rapidly down your cheeks, clutching Heeseung’s shirt between your fingers out of fear that he’ll try to leave. Desperation shattering through your voice, distraught pulling your features down. “It’s not fair, everything he’s done to fuck with my head, I—“

He sighs, taking in all the things you’ve said with a pitiful expression. Nodding and pulling you in to cradle your head and press reassuring calming kisses along your forehead. “Sounds like my brother.”

“Maybe I need to get away from him. I just need space so I can figure this out Hee. He’s messing me up, I know it’s wrong, I know I wouldn’t be so confused in the right head space. This isn’t me.” You sniffle, continuing to sob and wipe your cheeks on his shirt. 

Heeseung continues to rock side to side, softly rubbing up and down your spine until the shaking beneath his palms subsides; running fingers along your scalp calmly until your breathing returns to a normal pace. “Listen to me, I need to ask you something.”

“Anything.”

Taking in your tear stained cheeks, the red wet brims of your eyes and the fear running behind your gaze, he wonders just how bad Sunghoon’s fucked you up. “Do you trust me?”

Trust is a heavy word.

Trust given the situation you’ve found yourself in does not come easy, nor should it. Biting your tongue from abruptly spitting out a ‘no’, you hesitantly nod.

“If you trust me, you need to help me out.”

“Wh-what do you need?” You ask quietly, continuing to wrap your fingers around the cotton material of his shirt. 

“I might have an idea..”

“You’re not going to leave me, are you?” Shutting your eyes, you can’t help the sense of cringe after asking, slowly releasing him as he grabs onto your shoulders.

“I’m not going anywhere without you.” He reassures. “As long as you can follow along.”

“What do you want me to do?” You frown, feeling more torn up now over what happened last night. The guilt of what you did with Sunghoon screaming at you like a banshee from hell in this room. Tuning it out, you keep your gaze trained to the ground, falling into a submissive state.

“Listen,” he begins to pace back and forth, chin gripped tightly, fingers rubbing across his mouth. “I need you to distract him today.”

“Sunghoon? After what he did to you?” You stress, shaking your head. “I don’t want to be around him!”

Heeseung shushes you, grabbing a hold of your shoulders again. “Please? I really need to talk to my dad without interruption or any possible interference from him.” He explains, stroking your upper arms. “He can’t find out. You have to keep him busy, I’ll try to get this done as fast as I can but my father can be a bit difficult to communicate with at times..”

“But..” you sigh, begging with shining eyes for him to say ‘nevermind’, to agree with you that this isn’t a good decision. “How am I supposed to distract him?! I don’t want to go out alone with him again!” No. Because going out alone with Sunghoon once had been damaging enough to your psyche. God knows what one more lovely experience could do to your heart..

“I promise you this is really important..” pulling you in, he wraps you in a tight hug. Lips pressed on your forehead before he continues. “I want us to have a chance.. without Sunghoon’s involvement.”

“I don’t get it..”

“Just trust me?” Heeseung cups your cheeks, softly caressing your skin and pecking your mouth between speaking. “I’ll text you when I’m almost done, but until then you have to make him think I got too drunk, hungover again. Tell him I’ve been sick in bed all day, don’t let him know I’m anywhere near our dad, please?”

Should you trust him this easily? Only confused the more he asks and proceeds to squeeze you against his body, littering kisses along your jaw. “I’m not good at lying Hee..”

“Then don’t lie.” Looking into your eyes, he nods stiffly, taking in your face full of despair. “I don’t care what you have to do.. whatever you have to do. Make him think you want to hang out with him today, because you had a real good time at the Vatican..”

As much as it pains him to suggest it, knowing there’s truth behind the remark, he forces a smile, reaching for your hands. “It’s okay, say or do anything you have to do.”

Anything?

As if he can read your mind, he squeezes your hands and makes a sound of approval. “Anything.”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Distract Sunghoon.

Do anything you have to do.

Do anything it takes to keep him distracted, unaware of whatever Heeseung could be up to. Anything.

Pacing back and forth in the living room, you glance at Heeseung’s shut bedroom door repeatedly. Running your fingers between each other over and over again, fussing with your hair, gnawing on your lip.

The sound of Sunghoon’s room door opening echoes past you, halting your feet to come to a hard stop. It’s still early, early enough for bright rays of sunshine to flood the suite from the large balcony opening. He exits half-asleep, puffy face dragging up slowly to find your gaze already trained on him.

Confusion wrinkles his forehead together, head tilted to one side as he takes in your appearance. The tiniest black bikini you could have packed clings to your body, exposing more than enough skin to snap him completely out of his slumber. He coughs and stands up straight, ruffling the mess on top of his head. 

“Hey.” You say, clearing your throat to not stutter.

“Hey?” He replies raspily, voice not fully awake yet. Still thick and heavy, stirring something hot in your chest. “Morning..”

“It’s a really nice day outside.” You motion toward the balcony with a view of the pool. “Wanna go swimming?”

“Swimming?” Finally breaking his trance, he looks around the room, searching for a trace of his brother. “Where’s Hee?”

Letting out a long tired sigh, you point a thumb over your shoulder in the direction of the olders room. “Came out to all the bottles he ordered last night completely emptied.” Nodding toward the kitchen, you prove it with the empty glass containers lined up on the counter. “He’s out of it, don’t think he’s even sobered up enough for a hangover to even hit yet.”

That seems to please Sunghoon. A grin grows on his face as he follows your hand and counts the three large empty alcohol bottles. Easier than luring a rat into a box with a dangling piece of cheese..

“Hmm,” standing up straight, he takes in your bikini clad figure once more. “You want to go swimming, with me?”

“I want to go swimming.” You correct, hip popped, arms folded over your chest. “And I’m extending an offer for you to join me.”

Right. Because you shouldn’t be too eager, you wouldn’t be normally..

Mimicking your posture, he leans against the door frame, sharp teeth exposed with a small smile. “I’m not really into drinking.” He states for no reason, purposefully staring at your chest. “So when you say you want to swim, I expect your pretty ass to be in the pool with me.”

God. He couldn’t be more insufferable.

“You know what,” huffing a laugh, you pull on a cover-up draped by a towel on the couch. Waving him off. “Forget I even asked.”

Rushing over, he takes a hold of your hand to stop you, stealing the towel out of your other. “Give me five minutes, I’ll be right out.”

“I’m keeping time.”

His smile widens, running back to his bedroom to quickly change and grab a few things while you call out the time and hide a smile.

He went for it, of course he went for it. All it took was a skimpy bikini and the promise of seeing you drenched under the beating sun. 

Especially after last night.. whatever that was..

“Ready.” He bounces back out wearing nothing but black swim trunks. Sunglasses on his head to match and push his messy hair out of his face.

Oh.

You shouldn’t still react this way to seeing him shirtless, having to catch yourself and shut your mouth fast. Averting your eyes away to find your bag. “Took you long enough.” You sneer, snapping your fingers and heading toward the door. “Let's go.”

—

“Let’s not stay out here too long.” Sunghoon suggests, tapping his phone to check the time. “Don’t wanna get burnt.”

“What is that?” 

“What is what?” Following your gaze, he watches as his phone screen fades back to black. Continuing to lead you toward empty pool chairs.

“You don’t seriously have a photo of me as your lock screen..” you mumble, throwing your bag down. “Please don’t tell me you seriously have me on your phone like that.”

Sunghoon shrugs, rubbing his neck. “It’s a nice picture of you.” Tapping the screen again, he shows you, smiling as he looks too. “Besides, I took it.. and I think you came out really nice.”

“What if your dad sees that? Or my mom?” Shaking your head, you grab a couple of towels. Distracting yourself from watching him apply sunscreen over his chest and arms. 

“What? I can’t have a picture of my adorable step-sister on my phone now?”

“I believe your father would agree that your girlfriend would be a more fitting option.” You bristle, tossing a towel onto his chair.

“Can you get my back?” He motions to the bottle of sun protection in his hand, turning around without acknowledging your comment. “Please?”

Taking a minute to watch the muscles lining his back flex, you hesitate to get closer. Snatching the SPF from him, making sure to aggressively slap the lotion onto his skin. “You could use some sun.” You snicker, rolling your eyes.

“And ruin my flawless even tone?” He scoffs, turning to look at you and winking. “Come on, let’s get in.”

“Just a minute.” You wave for him to get in the pool, grabbing your phone to text Heeseung. 

You: I got Sunghoon to agree to go swimming, will try to stay out here for a while.

Heeseung: Might be a few hours.

You: A FEW?!

Heeseung: Please keep him busy.

Fuck. A few hours?! What the hell could he be up to taking this long.

“Come on,” Sunghoon grins at you over his shoulder, slowly stepping into the pool, reaching down to splash water on you. “I told you I want to swim.”

“Yeah yeah.” Following him in, you’re instantly soaked, gasping for breath. Thick biceps belt around your waist, hauling you into the deep end until you’re blinking at him under water. He puts up a fight for a minute until you threaten to kick his groin, cupping over the area as bubbles burst from his mouth and nose and you both struggle to resurface.

“You asshole!” Gathering your breath, you paddle over to the ledge to grab onto. Hair a wet mess, clinging to your face and neck. 

“Thought you wanted to swim.” Sunghoon floats behind you, mouth peaking over the water halfway. Trickles of water pass from his wet locks, a few latching onto his defined eyebrows.

“Fine. Let’s swim.” You glare, shoving past him. “I know you can’t swim faster than me.”

“Ohhh, is that a bet?” He smirks, standing to his full size. Wet chest raised over the water to show off his strong build. “You’re on.”

You should have expected it by now, of course Sunghoon swims akin to some Olympian athlete. Winding you by the 5th lap back and forth, unable to catch your breath without noticing the irritated looks from others enjoying their summer vacation by the pool.

“So, what do I win?” He cheers, hands shoved into his hair pushing each soaked strand all the way back. Smooth forehead and strong jaw completely visible. 

“What do you want?” You grit, leaned over on the pool's edge still gasping. “And don’t say it.”

“Oh I don’t want that.” He laughs, quickly rolling his eyes and settling by your side. 

“…you don’t?”

A sleek gaze scans your confusion, slowly nodding as his arms fold over the ledge and he leans down, chin perched on his forearms. “Ask me why.”

Because of the other night? When you moaned and screamed under his brother’s body? When you shouted how good he is, how much you love it.. that he’s the best.

“Don’t care.” You shrug, looking away. 

“Yeah yeah..” trailing off, he swipes your hair aside, softly tracing your shoulder. “You know, it’s been nice hanging out with you like this, just the two of us.”

Shrugging him off, you frown, eyes slitting. “You must have a lot of fun hanging out alone with Miyeon too. You know, your girlfriend, in case you’ve forgotten. The girl you should probably have as your lock screen.”

Sunghoon smiles to one side, nodding along to everything you’re saying. “Not that it’s any of your business but..” he holds up his hands, turning the one that typically sports a ring from side to side. “We ended things.”

“What?!” 

Amused by your reaction, he stands up straight, turning to lean his back along the pool wall, elbows propped on the ground. “Well, I ended it.”

“Oh, you’re soooo fucking full of it.” You fume, poking at his chest. “Can’t you ever just be normal?!”

“Go ask my father if you don’t believe me.” He says casually, seeming unperturbed. “He’s the one threatening to not pay for my tuition next year because of this.”

“Why would your dad care—“

“Because, he’s the one that set me up with Miyeon in the first place.” He interrupts, gaze finding yours. “Not that you’ve ever asked- but my dad’s been trying to merge with her family’s company since before I was even born.”

What.

There’s a throb running up the sides of your forehead that can only be described as Sunghoon. Irritating, infuriating, down right rage inducing. Causing you to apply pressure to your temples before you can begin to register anything he’s saying. “You’re telling me—“

“Let me guess, my brothers told you a different story, right?” He glares at you, getting closer to your face. “Told you how I cheat on Miyeon all of the time, that I don’t treat her right? Yeah well,” he takes a deep breath, biting on his tongue. “Think I’ve been more than nice by never telling anyone about her secret long-term boyfriend in New York..”

No. This cannot be happening right now.

“You’re lying—all you ever do is lie to me.”

He gulps dryly, continuing on. “We are friends, well, we became friends, Miyeon and I. That’s it, she knows I sleep around and I know about her relationship. There’s never been anything between us beyond that, and you know what? It was enough to get my dad off my ass for a while. Enough to take the heat off of Heeseung whenever he’d fuck up too.”

“What the hell does Heeseung have to do with this!” You hiss, getting right back in his face.

“You try dealing with his bullshit, always crying when he had to come live with us. He ruined everything, we were fine before she died.” He says quietly, voice cracking toward the end. “Before he showed up and started pissing dad off all the time. I had to be the good one. I didn’t have a choice. You wouldn’t fuck get that.”

“You can’t compare yourself to him. He can’t compare you either! You need to figure shit out, both of you.”

“I have nothing to figure out anymore.” His jaw clenches, leaning back, blinking up at the sun. “I’m tired of saving face for that fuck-up. It’s not my fault he can’t fucking man up and deal with his shit.”

“And you?” You goad, lips curled in. “Because you deal with this weird jealousy you have toward your brother so healthily?”

“Oh please,” Sunghoon gripes, breathing harshly through his nose. “Jealous of him? If it wasn’t for you, he wouldn’t even exist to me.”

“You really..” an overload of information fills your head. Pressing down on your temples harder.

If Sunghoon’s not with Miyeon then.. what the hell does he want with you? Why is he so determined to ruin your damn life?!

“I don’t get it.” You sigh, floating bonelessly, defeated. 

“Well I’m not sorry that I’m not the asshole you want me to be.” He sneers. “I can be, if you want, but I’m getting tired of you throwing this relationship I stayed in to satisfy my father in my face.”

“Why would you break up with her?” You ask wearily, afraid to hear the answer.

His gaze slowly drags over your face, licking his lips. “I’ve waited long enough, and given up enough to be the golden child. The all star athlete, straight A student, volunteer hero, a respectful young man my father can brag about.” He pauses, inching forward. “He makes sure that I always get what I want because of that, but there is one thing I don’t think he’ll be able to help me with.”

“And why is that?”

Nodding slowly, he lifts his eyebrows and returns to leaning against the pool ledge. You know why.”

“You expect me to believe you? That you just.. broke it off with this girl you’ve been with for years..”

“Well yes.” He rebuttals, shoulders bouncing. “Why would I lie about this.”

“Why would you lie about breaking up with the girlfriend you never told me about in the first place?” You spit, furiously blinking at him. “Gee, I wonder why.”

“Omitting the truth isn’t a lie.” He corrects, 

Continuing to rub at your temples, your head shakes, lips pursed to hold back an angered groan. “This seems pointless..”

Sunghoon’s contemplative expression makes your lips tighten more, ready to run from the pool and check your phone before he can get another word in.

“Our pointless conversations mean a lot to me..” he mumbles quietly, head shaking. “Doesn’t matter, right?”

His hand lifts before your face, inspecting the tips of his fingers while your mouth parts. Tongue turning heavier the longer you think of a proper response.

“Getting pruney..” he nods toward the stairs. “Let’s get out.”

Perfect. Hopeful that Heeseung’s texted, you follow him back to your chairs. Wrapping a towel around your hips before reaching for your bag to check your phone.

Zero notifications. God damnit.

“Kind of hungry.” He mutters, looking over the pool’s bar menu. “Wanna share anything?”

“No thanks,” you pretend to yawn, laying back with your arms behind your head. The way your stomach grumbles hardly goes unnoticed, rolling his eyes again before turning his body to look at you.

“It’s funny.” Calling a waiter over, he taps an item on the menu, entering your room number on a device to pay.

“What's funny.” You say flatly, eyes shut.

“How much you pretend to hate me when we’re not even all that different..” he notes, laid on his side with one arm keeping his head held up to watch you.

“Hah!” You guffaw sarcastically, sneering. “You and I? We’re nothing alike.”

“Sure.” He chuckles, sitting up to grab a plate full of chocolate covered strawberries from the waiter. “Thanks.”

The decadent fruits grab your attention, watching from the corner of your eye as he bites into one, releasing a pleased hum. “I know you’re hungry.” He mutters between bites. “You haven’t ate today.”

“I’m not.”

It’s not entirely a lie.. even if your stomach disagrees. Even if your mouth salivates when he picks up a white chocolate covered berry, swallowing the saliva swarming around your tongue at the bite he takes. “Won’t snitch on you to mommy, you know. You can eat good food around me, can be added to the pile of secrets we share now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You glower, sitting up. Gaze flitting between the plate and Sunghoon’s pink lips wrapping around another piece. 

“You think I’ve already forgotten about your horrible squat form?” He huffs, laughing. “I know your mom scolded you to get your ass in the gym.”

“Yeah, so what? What’s your point.” Wrapping your arms around your stomach, you can’t ignore the next rumble that passes. How the hell did he know that you love chocolate covered strawberries?

He shrugs, holding one of the treats in front of your face, slowly turning it. “You think we’re different because I do whatever I need to do to keep my father happy. Meanwhile, you play the part of a doll for your mom to relive her youth through. Restricting what you eat, trying to work up a sweat when she makes comments on your figure. Taking it personal when she dislikes your hair, makeup, clothes.. even going as far as pawning off your body for better grades.” He emphasizes that last part with a bite, red dribbles of liquid squirting from the berry. The tone bright against his chin, pink tongue slowly dragging out to lick himself clean. “We’re not all too different, you just never had anyone around to make it harder for you. Only child syndrome shit..”

“Not my fault you have some major mommy issues.” You whisper, face turning away before he can finish off the strawberry.

“You would think that,” he hums. “Have to have them to recognize them.”

Ready to curse him out, you look again only to find his eyes focused on you, lightly tipping his chin. “Eat.”

“No.” 

“You’re hungry.” Sitting up on his knees, he crawls onto your chair, lifting a berry before your lips. “I want you to eat.”

I don’t care what you want. That’s what you should say. That’s what you would say if he wasn’t so close, looming in front of you, broad bare chest close enough to smell the chlorine radiating off of his skin. The small space between your lips invaded by the hard shell of chocolate, sweet and cool against your lips. “Take a bite.”

Sunghoon’s gaze slowly drifts from yours, skimming down the bridge of your nose to your lips, tipping the berry in until your teeth clink and you open wider. “That’s it.”

Sugary sweet milk chocolate melts onto your tongue, sucking around the strawberry as he slowly dips it past your lips. “Tastes good, doesn’t it.”

It’s dizzying really, how easily his gaze alone can make you feel lightheaded. Nodding slowly as you succumb and allow him to feed the rest of the strawberry inside of your mouth. 

“I knew you wanted it.” He says, hinting a cocky confidence. “I know you want a lot of things you refuse to ask for..”

Sunghoon uses your seconds of falter to grab your chin, thumb pressed against the center. “Want more?”

No.

Why can’t you just say no? Why must your tongue slip out, allowing for him to run another chocolate coated fruit along the tip. Sinking in closer, he starts with a light kiss placed on the corner of your lips, lapping at the side of the strawberry sitting between your lips. “Let me taste.” He whispers extra quietly, pushing the fruit between your conjoined lips. Less focused on the bits of chocolate breaking up against your tongues than he is with licking across each crevice inside. 

“Hoon..” whimpering, you clutch at his wrist, tugging his hold away to deepen the kiss for a minute. Struggling to catch your breath the more he strokes and sucks around your tongue.

“You’re making a mess..” he speaks softly, thumb brushing along your chin. Tongue flicking out to lick up a crumb of chocolate. “Do I have to clean up all of your messes?”

“Why are you doing this to me?” You’re not really asking, no. Unsure if you even managed to speak, you sigh, pressing closer to him.

“A lot of things will have to stay unspoken between us,” pinching your chin, he tilts your face up. “Until you’re ready to accept who I am, and what you want.”

“I don’t want what you are.” You whine, grabbing his chest. “You’re drama, bad.. very bad.”

“I may not be what you want me to be..” he licks your lips clean, pressing featherlight kisses. “But I’m what you’re afraid of having, too risky, unpredictable. I know that you feel it as much as I do..”

Silence falls between you as you can’t fathom doing anything other than stare. His unblinking eyes absorb every emotion you can’t bring yourself to say, down to the misery wrapped around you each time you end up like this.

“I’m going back to the room to shower.” He says after a few minutes, finishing with a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll check on Heeseung if you plan to stay out here much longer.”

Check on Heeseung?

Shit.

Snapping out of the Sunghoon induced trance you’d fallen into, you jump to sit up, scrambling to grab your bag. “Wait wait! No no, don’t go.” You rush toward him, wrapping around his arm. “One more swim?”

“Tired of chasing after you.” He says flatly, teeth baring, implicating more. “It’s getting a little too crowded out here anyway.”

“But.. we were having so much fun.”

Glaring at you once more, he scoffs and turns away to head back inside. Only slowed down by your limbs wrapping around his arm to keep him close. “Are you not having fun?”

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, slamming the elevator keys to promptly get inside as the doors are quick to open. Forcing you to follow, he shrugs a few times, failing to get you off. “Maybe I’m getting bored of just having fun.”

“What else do you want to do? Want to go out?” You ask desperately, tugging your bag you were rushed to grab quickly onto your shoulder. 

Instead of replying, he gives you another irritated look, ripping free from your hold once reaching the floor you’re staying on. “Can’t tell if you’re playing dumb right now, or you’re actually just dumb.”

“Hoon..” stepping inside behind him, you grab onto his shoulders. Nervously peering at Heeseung’s shut door. “That’s it? That’s all you want?”

“Hmmph..” sliding your hands off, he turns half-body. A small smirk playing at his lips, eyes thinned. “What do you want?”

“What?” You blink confused, grabbing onto his elbow.

“What do you want? Because it’s getting old, this little act.” He states snarkily, moving toward his bedroom. The change in direction releases a sigh of relief, shoulders loosening as you follow him. 

“What act?” 

Coming to a halt at his door, he steps inside, turning around to look at you, arms raised up to grab the door frame. “Think I’m just going to fuck you and have you pretend you don’t want it over and over again? That I’m going to let you fuck my brother right in front of me and crawl back to me whenever he doesn’t do it how you like? How I do it for you?”

“That’s not true..” you mutter, looking away. “That’s not why—“

“Then what is it?” He crowds in closer, nose nudged against your forehead. “Because you like me? And you want me to fuck you. You want to be with me?”

Sunghoon huffs after a minute of silence, nodding against the top of your head. “If you’re not going to be honest with me, then leave. Go find your boyfriend, or whatever, to comfort and take care of your needs.”

Stepping backwards, he rolls his eyes, sitting down on the edge of the hotel bed. “Well? You gonna stand there all day?”

“No..” wishing you could steal a look at your phone, you shut the door behind you. Setting down your bag on the nightstand. “I don’t get it.”

“Get what?” 

“You expect me to believe you about Miyeon as if you haven’t lied to me before.”

Standing up, he moves toward you, eyebrows stressed together. “You know what I don’t get?”

Getting closer to make you uneasy, he bites down on his lip, jaw clenched tight. “Why are you the only one allowed to fuck whoever you want? Why should I still want you?”

“Sunghoon, I—“

“No.” He cuts you off, standing straight to loom over you. “You still want me? Then show me. Prove it.”

Glancing at your bag one last time, you nod. Submitting to his wishes and reaching for his swim trunks. 

“No.” He sneers, grabbing your hand to hold before you can gather the drawstring. “Kiss me, you kiss me.”

A kiss. A kiss initiated byyou. That’s what he wants..

Closing the small space between your bodies, you wrap around his shoulders to arch your neck back. Failing to ignore the shivers rushing through your fingers, you lick at your lips repeatedly. A kiss shouldn’t be this hard, not after everything you’ve let him do to your body..

“I’m waiting.” He says between gritted teeth, not moving a muscle closer for you. 

You know Sunghoon doesn’t simply want a kiss. No. He wants you to admit something that isn’t true, wants the reassurance that he still has some type of power over your relationship with his brother. Needs to believe that you’d still choose him given the chance..

Fine. Give Sunghoon what he wants. Do anything you have to do.

Pressing your lips to his, you hesitate to deepen the kiss at first. Smoothing down to grip onto his biceps as you begin to lean in more, pouting to meld your mouths together. Staying stiff between your hold, he doesn’t move an inch, allowing for you to take command. It only takes a few seconds for your greedy tongue to knock at the seam of his lips, desperate to taste the residual sweetness left behind. Working with your pleading tongue, he parts open, lazily licking along the muscle entering his mouth. 

It’s the most mandated basic kiss you’ve shared with him, lacking passion, lacking heat. Hardly sparing you more than a few flicks of his tongue before pulling away with a look of annoyance mixed with anger. 

“What’s wrong?” You breathe, grasping his biceps. “Isn’t this what you want?”

“Hah..” without looking at you, he nods, biting on his lip. “Fine. Let’s do this your way.”

Removing your hands, he sits down on the bed, easing the drawstring on his trunks open. 

Licking the taste of him off your mouth, you silently agree. Shifting down onto your knees to settle in the space between his spread open thighs. “Wait.” Sunghoon’s palm presses to your chest, chin directed toward your body. “Take that off, you know how I like it.”

Right. Take off your bikini top, unknot the tied strings behind your neck, slowly ease the triangle shaped material off your breast. That seems to appease him, sliding his hand down between your chest, he nods in approval. “Bottoms too, and show me.”

Heat rushes up as you follow his orders and get off your knees to stand, untying one side of your bottoms at a time to really stretch out the reveal of your bare cunt. “Wait.”

Grabbing onto your hands, he glides the damp fabric off your core for you, humming quietly. “Do I even have to do anything to turn you on?”

No. But you won’t give him the free ego boost, stepping away from your bottoms that fall to the ground without meeting his eyes. He cups between your thighs, thumb finding your clit to circle. 

“You get wet like this for me because you like me, whether you’re willing to admit that or not.” He says monotonously, palm patting against your center. “Not only for my body either, even if you look at me with those cock hungry eyes.” With a grin he draws free, admiring the slick on his hand. “Get back on your knees.”

This is the problem with Sunghoon, so full of himself. So self-concerned, assuming he means more to you than he really does.. 

“Good girl.” He acknowledges, humming under his breath when your knees return to the floor. “You may piss me off, but at least you know when to listen.” He leans back, stomach muscle tight, flexing above his swim shorts. “You know what to do.”

You know what to do thanks to him, he was the first guy to force you to swallow every inch.

Running your parted lips over the tip of his size, you lightly lick down the slit. Avoiding the intense gaze he has focused on your actions. You know he wants your eyes on him, but you can’t give him that. Not this time. His length chubs up to full mass on top of your palm, dragging from side to side suckling the mushroom capped tip. The muscles lining his stomach in your line of sight flex, convulsing each time you run along the slit collecting pre-cum that continuously drips out.

You owe him from last night, that’s all. Nothing more, suck his cock and get this over with. “Take in more, you’re better than this weak shit.” 

The comment elicits shivers down your spine, further parting your lips as you push forward and drag your tongue against the thick vein lined underneath. He holds in a groan when you vacuum seal and suck around him halfway, tickling your fingers toward the filled heavy sack between his thighs. “You’re being annoying on purpose, aren’t you?” He tuts, dragging his hands through to the back of your head to cup you and hold you in place where he wants. “All the way.” 

Coughing around the sped up intrusion, you relax against the heavy weight of his length continuing to stretch past your lips. Gurgling when the tip breeches your throat, bulging against your neck muscles. “Fuck.” He hisses, keeping his moans at a whisper level, because two can play this game. 

You want to keep this act up? As if he had to do anything more than nod to get you here, as if you don’t want it just as bad.

He doesn’t waste more time to go easy, enjoying the gurgled sounds escaping from around his cock. Lifting his hips from the bed to fuck your throat faster, he grunts deeply, choking on the rasped whine that finds a way out. “Can you breathe?” He questions, hips ramming into your face mercilessly. 

Scratching at his thighs, you try to shake your head, only to receive a slap on the cheek. Not too rough or painful, but hard enough to alert you and snap your eyes open in time to see his pam lay flat over your nose. Fully blocking your ability to breathe, leaving you no other option but to lurch around the thick meat pumping in and out of your throat.

“Fuck!” Holding you in place, he pinches your nose until your throat chokes around his cock. The tight squeeze nearly making him bust, having to let go and rip your mouth off to stave off his orgasm. 

He pants heavily, clutched over reeling from the denial of release he just gave himself. Heavy wet cock throbbing against his stomach. “Fuckfuck..” 

Swallowing down harsh breaths, the room fills with both of you attempting to recompose yourselves. Landing hard on your knees when he abruptly removed you. 

Sunghoon rubs at his face, licking his lips, craving more of your taste.

“C’mere.” He says lazily, index finger directing you to climb onto his lap. “Who taught you how to suck cock like that?” He smirks, cleaning the drool off your chin. “Did a good job of teaching you.”

He mumbles distracted by your swollen cock sucking lips, devouring them in one swoop with his. Licking and sucking between your upper and lower. The taste carrying hints of salt and sunscreen, the chapstick you applied hours ago. All of it drives him up a wall, licking between for more of a taste, tongue sucked around yours. 

“I wanna be inside of you.” He mumbles between your lips, kneading your hips firmly between his digits. “Get on the bed.”

Nodding too eagerly, you try to jump off his lap onto the space behind him. Firmly held in place by his biceps circling around your waist. The muscles bulging and stretching his pale skin tight around them.

“You’ve really turned into a little slut haven’t you?” He mocks, licking up the center of your throat to land at your jaw. Mouthing and sucking up to your ear as you keen and whine in dismay. “Or is that reserved for me? Cause I fuck you like a whore..”

Big palms flatten on your waist, groping his way lower to slap and squeeze your bottom. Coercing your hips to grind against him with rougher hits, he grasps onto your buttcheeks. The blunt tips of his nails digging into your soft fleshy skin. “My slut, only for me, right?”

Yesyesyes whatever you fucking say. Between your half-lidded eyes and clouded aroused mind, you somehow manage to keep yourself mute.

Sunghoon nibbles on your earlobe, licking back down your jaw to kiss along your chin. “Say it, want me to fuck you? Then say it.”

“N-not a slut,” you stammer, gasping at the round of slaps he delivers. Arching your back forward, chest shoved to his face. “Only f-for—for you.”

“Such a pain in the ass for such a pretty slut.” Another succession of whip-like slaps has you wailing. Unable to catch your breath before he shoves you onto the bed and stands up to fully remove his clothes. “So fucking difficult.” He grunts, pulling your hips up to get a close look between your spread thighs. “With the prettiest pussy, all for me.”

It’s humiliating how loud the squelch is that escapes as his fingers dip in last your blood filled velvety folds. The wetness emitting from your cunt enough to plop out onto the bed if he pulls out too fast. Tapping along your twitching hole, he hums, pleased by the tremors running up your thighs. Shocking you to arch in deep with another hit that ripples through your buttcheeks. 

“I-inside..” you whimper, setting yourself on all four in a more sturdy position. “Please?”

“What do you want? My fingers?” He prods, at your entrance, swiping down to your clit to teasingly tap at. “My mouth? My cock? So fucking wet for me, you’d take anything I give you.” Rubbing his fingers up and down to create a mess, he coats the outside of your cunt with wetness. It’s everywhere, all juicy and ready to be wrecked.

“God please—touch me, inside, anything.” You shiver, teeth chattering already. Maybe if you.. shove your ass out more, shoulders flat against the bed to show off the deepest arch. 

Sunghoon hisses, pressing kisses down the seam of your slit before pulling away with a curse. “And why should I give you anything? Because you’re dripping fucking wet? Acting like a desperate whore for cock?”

“Please—“ you sob, sinking into the bed deeper as he climbs on behind you and mounts your backside. “Wan—want it!”

“This?” He teases, so fucking meanly, jamming the tip of his cock against your fluttering hole. Pushing in just past his pre-cum soaked slit, he wraps around his length tightly, easing the tip half in and out. “Pussies fucking screaming for my cock baby girl.. want me to fuck you? Keep saying that shit.” He groans, pushing in further to feel your cunt snap around his cockhead. “And say my fucking name.”

“Hoon—ahh!” You shout, the side of your face fully pressed to the bed, chest caved against the sheets. The demanding slap he smacks your ass with makes your spine throb, resounding around the room like a crack. “Sunghoon! Fuck me! Fuck me please!”

Licking at the sweat gathered on his upper lip, he slinks lower to grip onto your hair. Knee sinking into the mattress, his other leg propped up for a balance. He could fuck you like this, he normally would.. 

“Want you to look at me when you cum.” He whispers, pulling until your mouth can full breath without the bed obstructing your oxygen. “Want you to say my name, look me in my eyes, tell me who fucks you this good.”

Fuck. 

That’s not what you want, not something you can handle in this submissive state. Popping free the tip, he sets you on your back without much effort. The dazed look written across your face telling him everything he needs to know. 

“Nu—“ you scramble to move back onto your front. Held down by big hands slamming onto your hips, chaining you to the bed with their powerful hold. 

“Don’t fucking move.” He appears offended that you even tried to disobey him. Caressing his palms down to spread your thighs open, he slams them to the bed. Angry red cock bouncing against his stomach as he makes space for himself and situating to find the perfect position. 

It feels helpless to try to move and fight against him, weak in comparison to his built up strength and hard muscles earned from countless hours in the gym. It wouldn’t hurt to try, of course, but the second his length swipes between your folds, you can’t help but to forget. Folding your hands over your chest as you watch his stomach tighten and release, grinding his hips forward to fuck against your sloppy wet aroused cunt. 

“Hoon—Sunghoon,” you breathe, losing more air by the second. Burning up from the body heat building from his flesh to yours. 

“Feel good baby?” He asks under his breath, continuing to torture you with the sensation of his heavy cock rubbing through your folds. Thick girth gleaming with your juices all over. “Like how I play with your pussy, don’t you.” He says proudly, loosening his grip on your thighs to press against your stomach. Slowly trailing upward to massage your breasts, lifting his head to watch your face fall apart. 

“Can-can’t, please, hurts.” Hurts so good, to be so close without getting what you want. What he must expect you to beg for, hardly able to form a sentence anymore. You arch into his warm palms squeezing and bouncing your chest, pinching your nipples before he shifts to your neck. 

“Look at me.” He commands, deep and raspy. “Look at me with those pretty eyes.”

“Ah, Sunghoon, please.” Blinking upward, you gasp, taking in his sculpted jawline, long neck, broad shoulders and defined chest. He’s a dream, a nightmare really, too good to be real. Dark eyes boring back into yours from where he looks down at you, grabbing your chin to hold you in place. 

“Just like that, don’t fucking look away.” 

Everything around you feels light as air, as if you’ve been lifted from the bed, floating on a cloud as he leans down and locks his lips to yours. 

It’s the loudest kiss he’s ever given you, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. He works slowly with your parted mouth, taking time to really hold your top and bottom lip before teasing his tongue between. Throbbing racks between your pressed bodies, eyes falling shut as his tongue slips inside and laps at yours, at the roof of your mouth. It’s too much and not enough at the same time.

Too much the way his body crowds you with no space of your own. Cock pulsating against your core, chest beating violently pressed to yours. Mouth moving as if he mapped and memorized the inside of yours. Weak shaky hands find his shoulders, wanting to push him away, wanting to shove him off and spit in his face for doing this.

Because how could he do this to you?! Soar your sense to their precipice of carnal arousal, wipe your mind of all sensible thought. Only to bring you here, trapped beneath him, sucking his breath into your lungs until tears burst from your eyes.

“I know.” He mutters, tugging your bottom lip between his. Savoring the hot tears rolling down your cheeks to his hands. “I feel it too.”

No. You feel nothing. There is nothing to feel. 

“What we have, what you do to me.” He confesses, nose pressed to yours. “I don’t want this with anyone else. I don’t ever want you to have this with anyone besides me.”

So wrong, all wrong. So wrong that it feels right. Blinking your tears away with no other choice but to squeeze your eyes shut. You can’t do this, can’t accept what he’s trying to convince you of. 

“Look at me.” Sunghoon’s tone sounds more desperate than viscous, pinching your chest from within. “That’s all I ask of you, see me. See me for who you know I am.”

He ruts between your thighs, reminding you to listen as the tip catches on your hole. The cry for help behind his command, almost pitiful.. burning a hole through your heart as you fight between your blanked out mind and a whirlwind of emotions. 

“Can’t..” you barely whisper, eyes clenched shut, turning to dig your face deeper into the bed.

“Because I’m not him?” He whimpers brokenly, forehead landing against yours. Wet trickles of sweat cling to his dark eyelashes, mouth turned down at the corners. “Because I’m not my fucking brother?”

Between the arousal burning up to your chest and confusion causing a frenzy in your head, you can only whine, scratching down his shoulders. “Please don’t.”

“Why?” Slowing down his pace, he grips onto your jaw, twisting your face to look at him. “Why are you denying what we both feel?” 

“We shouldn’t, we shouldn’t feel—“

“Who says.” Reaching between your bodies, he wraps around his shaft. Slapping against your center as a warning. “Who says you’re not meant to be mine?”

The intrusion of his entire size cuts off any response, neck arched up as a silent scream flies from your lips. He circles between your hips to mold your cunt to his girth, grabbing onto your shoulders for leverage. “Who the fuck said you don’t belong to me.” 

This is too intimate, not even breaking into an immediate ruthless rhythm as soon as he penetrates you. He’s slow, stretching your walls around his size to accommodate him and make you comfortable. Fingers travel to your clit, leaving you no choice but to cover your mouth to suppress your moans. He pinches, flicking side to side, not even needing to judging by the puddle of wet slick arousal pooled beneath your ass.

“Sunghoon, that’s—“

“Gripping around me so good, you’re always so so good for me.” 

Regardless of your crazed out of whack emotions, your chest tightens when he praises you. Looking at you as if you hung the moon up for him on the starriest of nights. He returns to layer your mouth with kisses, wrapping your thighs over his hips. “Please, keep your eyes on me.” The whisper dances across your mouth, gasping as he begins to thrust and make you really feel each inch. 

There’s too much heat and moisture between your faces, wrapped around him akin to a clinging vine as he builds up speed and pulls out to the tip. Burying back in to release a gushing wet sound, a splatter of arousal all over his groin and thighs. 

“No one,” he murmurs, huffing staggered breaths over your mouth. “No one does this to me.”

No no no. You scratch at his biceps, shoulders, anything you can catch within your reach. He can’t, he can’t fucking do this.

It’s hard to tell what’s shaking anymore. Sunghoon’s heartbeat, your limbs, the bed beneath you. Everything hurts and feels good, as if your spines been ripped out and shaken around. Releasing stored up pain and anger, bringing to life new fears and worries. 

“The way we feel together.” He ruts in harder, hips snapping fiercely. Splitting you apart from your chest to the hot space between your thighs. “I want this forever.”

“Fuck!” You curss, head tossed back unable to keep your eyes open any longer. The combination of his terrifyingly honest words and cock ramming into you hits untouched nerves. Each sparking fires to life inside of you, burning your ligaments and muscles as an insane pressure forms in your stomach.

“Exactly like this.” He speaks in a low vibrato. Vocal chords shakey as he cups your jaw and presses your foreheads together. Blinking the glossy moisture attached to his clumped together eyelashes to meet yours. 

More than fucking you, he loves this. The way you try to maintain judgment toward him and fail. The look that can only be described as love winning every time. With your foreheads stuck together he drags your legs up, hoisting the backs of your knees onto his shoulders to really make you take it. 

That drives you over the edge, struggling to breathe in the tight position. Panic rises with your wide blown out eyes focused on his, chilling heat surrounding that pressure in your stomach. “Hoon!—Sungho—!!”

The pressure explodes around his cock nearly slipping his free from the amount of wetness that bursts around his length, continuing to jackhammer into you through your orgasm squirting down to his balls. They slap loudly against your ass with each pointed thrust, burying in deep. Savoring your tight heat sleeved around his length through the release that exposes the whites of your eyes.

The little breathy ah-ah-ah’s echoing out of your parted mouth urge on his erratic thrusts. Mounting you like a bitch in heat to get his cock sucked dry. He growls, slamming in once, twice more.

“I’m cumming!” He groans deeply, throat cracking as hot release spills inside of you painting your cervix with thick white strings of cream. Slow to pull out despite the sounds of your whimpered cries, he circles and empties inside of you where he belongs. 

“It’s okay..” he mumbles, sighing and throwing his head back with one last thrust to really push his seed deep inside of you. “I’m here, everything’s okay now.” He draws free with a lewd pop, splaying his fingers over your hole to keep everything inside as he adjusts to press against your back. “Was too much?”

His drawled tone vibrates against your damp hot skin, turning to drag your nose down his chest and burrow in the safety of his fresh scent. It was too much, and it’s his fault. Failing to regather yourself once your orgasm passed from the intense emotion taking over.

Without having to explain, he wraps around you and presses kisses to your head. This is what you needed, even if you don’t understand that yet. 

He needed to break down your false wall of hatred for him, to get you to see that this is where you belong. Right here in his arms, swallowed by his love, filled with it, cheek rested on his chest that thrums for you and only you.

Tomorrow. You’ll wake up and have a real honest discussion. No more games, no more lies. He started it, and now it’s your turn to face yourself. 

“Get some sleep angel.” He whispers, already keeping track of your shallow restless breathing pattern. “I’ll never stop taking care of you.”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Beep

Beep

Beep

The sound of Sunghoon’s phone alarm going off jolts him from his sleep. Disoriented as he jerks and rubs at his eyes. Instinctively his hand reaches out for your warmth, rubbing over the area your body had last laid by his side only hours ago. 

Of course you’d already left, probably had to finish packing away your toiletries and belongings..

Which is exactly what he should be doing right now, yawning as he taps his phone and notes the time. “Shit.” 

Sunghoon groans, toppling out of the hotel bed to grab the last few things he needs to put away, deciding to skip the shower for now and just hop in once you reach Paris. The plane ride wouldn’t be a short one afterall.

Besides, the light aroma of your scent still clings to his skin. Dry tear stains appear on his hand, brushing his teeth as he admires them and contemplates not washing his hands off.

This is different. 

This was.. exactly what he’s been craving, chasing after ever since the first time he had you. It’s different with you, natural and easy. Nothing feels like an act when he’s with you. He tried to make it work with Miyeon in the beginning when his father had set them up but there was never any real connection, no chemistry. She clocked him for exactly what he is right from the start.

Maybe you did too, but that’s the difference, you make him feel safe. Safe to be himself without judgment, because for some God forsaken reason, you still like him.

Thinking about it all makes his chest hurt, makes his heart race speed up. The way you say his name, touch his body, resist him and give in every time. 

It shouldn’t have been this way, his brother shouldn’t have ever been an obstacle here. He didn’t want to do this, not after the last time they argued over a girl and he completely ignored Heeseung for a year. It was petty and immature, but he was young and she was his first love, first obsession really.

Heeseung’s never put in as much effort as Sunghoon. Everything’s just so fucking easy for him. Who knows why.. maybe because he doesn’t care as much, doesn’t worry about things that are beyond his control.

That’s never been an option for Sunghoon. He can only care, that’s the only option he’s ever been given, and he does care. He keeps up a strong facade to hide how much he cares but he feels everything. There’s a part of him that hopes you see that- you get it. You relate and understand why he’s built up walls around his heart, because growing up with nothing but constant pain can only make you so hard. 

Sunghoon wanted to work through it, he didn’t want to be cold and closed off, but nothing ever seemed worth melting the protective shield of ice for.

Until he met you.

Heeseung would have to be understanding, besides, how could you want him after this? He’s so beneath you, choosing booze over your love.

Sunghoon smiles to himself, lips dragging across his knuckles. It’s his time to win.

Today is a new day, everything about today feels different. The air smells fresher, his stride lighter, the pressure he’s used to feeling on his chest gone. 

Assuming you and Heeseung have already made your way downstairs, he preps himself for how awkward this flight could be. What if you all get stuck seated together again? It’d be for the best to wait until you’re settled into your new hotel in France. You can all sit down and discuss this as mature adults.

Every part of him shouts against that- why the hell should he maintain maturity after putting up with his brother's unruly behavior for years now? He should rub everything in his face, that damn loser.. 

No. You wouldn’t like that.. your hearts too good. You still see the good in Heeseung, destined to believe his fraudulent facade of this nice emotional guy that just had a tough life.

Who can take him seriously? Their dad is a freaking millionaire. So what if their mom died, suck it up and grow some balls. 

Ah, but your feminine compassion would never see where Sunghoon’s coming from. He can be rational, great at negotiating, well trained by his father to set his bar high and demand all expectations to be met. You can’t come in guns ablaze, jumping off hot from the start. He has to play cool, get you to let his brother down easily, let you have your mourning period. 

Yes, everything will pan out wonderfully once you scrub Heeseung out of your life. Out of both of your lives.

“Ah great, look who decided to show up!” Mr. Park greets loudly greets. Interrupting his inner dialogue as he roughly pats his shoulder. “Slept in did you? Well, just in time son, I was just about to order the taxi.”

“Shouldn’t we wait?” Sunghoon looks at the elevator area again, expecting for you to appear any minute now.

“Wait for what?” Your mom asks, fixing the new luxury brand scarf tied around her purse. 

“Uhh, for Heeseung and—“

“Oh they left hours ago son.” His dad informs nonchalantly, motioning for them to move outside to wait for their car. “Probably didn’t want to wake you from your beauty sleep.”

“What?? Why would they leave before us?” Sunghoon’s eyebrows furrow, throwing his bag onto the cart with the other luggages- not missing that yours is nowhere to be seen.

“They found a really early train ride to Germany last night. I told Heeseung to take a later one and enjoy the rest of the day here but he was really eager to explore Frankfurt.” Continuing to speak complete nonsense that Sunghoon can’t comprehend only worries him further. Annoyed by how evasive and casual his father speaks.

“What do you mean Germany? I thought we were flying to France.”

“We are sweetie.” Your mom laughs, confused as well. “Heeseung and your sister are the ones going to Germany to visit different universities.” 

Universities?! In Germany?!

Sunghoon’s jaw drops, blinking repeatedly, his father whistling to get in the cab before he can continue to ask more questions.

None of this makes sense. Why the hell would you and Heeseung be in Germany of all places, looking at schools?! He has to be dreaming, that’s it. Stuffed into the backseat alone, he pats around his phone, immediately finding your last text messages.

Sunghoon: ‘Good Morning, where are you?’

Text Message Failed To Send

Watching the green bubble instantly pop up confuses him all the more, tongue pinched between his teeth annoyed. Must be the international service messing up.. or maybe you really are on a train, somewhere between mountains where messages can’t reach you right now..

Sunghoon: ‘I thought we were going to France next, what’s this deal about Germany? Are you with Heeseung?’

Text Message Failed To Send

Fuck. This really a dream, a bad dream. 

None of this makes sense, not after yesterday, not after you fell asleep with him, curled up together in his arms..

“Hoon! What the hell is wrong with you this morning, hurry up.” His dad hollers from outside of the parked car, already standing with their belongings. “We have a flight to catch, wake your ass up.”

Shit, they’re already at the airport. The entire security checkpoint feels like a mirage, desperately racking his brain for an answer to what the hell could possibly be going on right now. Why in the hell would you be looking at universities? You’re both already enrolled for next year?

He has to text Heeseung, there’s no other choice.

Sunghoon: ‘Where are you?’

There’s no way he can get on this plane now. What’s the point if you’re not here, why wouldn’t you be here?! This is your dream trip, especially France. 

Heeseung: ‘Hey bro :) Expected to hear from you sooner.’

Motherfucker.

Sunghoon: ‘What the fucknis going on, why are you in Germany???’

Heeseung: :)

Gripping his phone hard enough to form a crack on the screen if he went on any longer, he growls, teeth grinding together. What the fuck is his brother up to.

Moving to a quieter area, he watches your parents sit down at the gate, biting on his thumb nail before pounding the key to call his brother.

“Sunghoon.” He answers flatly, not even bothering to allow more than one ring.

“Heeseung, where the fuck are you right now?! What did you do to her—“

“Nothing, nothing at all.” Heeseung interrupts, having stepped away from the fancy train cart his father purchased for the both of you to travel to Germany in. “She’s doing just fine, happier than ever.”

Pinching between his eyebrows, he paces back and forth listening to his older brother, palm swiping down his face. “What’s going on Heeseung.”

“You haven’t figured it out yet?” The older clicks his tongue, scoffing under his breath. “It’s over Hoon, this stupid game of yours. It’s done.”

“What the hell are you talking about man?!” Sunghoon hisses, slamming his fist against a nearby wall. “Where is she?!?”

“Away from you.” Heeseung says calmly, the smile behind his voice disappearing. “For good.”

“Heeseung.. you’re pissing me off.”

“Good.” He replies promptly, taking a deep breath. “You’ve pissed me off long enough, both of us. Can’t just let me have one thing can you?”

“She’s not yours to have.”

“She doesn’t want you.” Heeseung corrects snidely, glaring at the view passing by from the train. “What we have can really be something special. I care for her, unlike you. I can’t have you interfering anymore.”

“Oh yeah? I don’t care about her?” Sunghoon asks, throat drying, chewing on his lip. “You can’t fucking do this.”

“Watch me.” Heeseung whistles, checking the time. “You have a flight to catch in a few minutes I believe.”

“If you do this I’ll never forgive you.” Sunghoon grits, fist balled up by his hip.

A pause falls between the line, silently sharing a few intakes of air. “Goodbye brother.”

“Heeseung!” 

“And don’t bother trying to contact her anymore. This is over. I win.”

The line falls flat, dead tone ringing through Sunghoon’s head. There’s no way his brother managed to pull this off, and you? You knew all along.. even yesterday.

Slumping against the wall, he takes a long deep breath, checking his text messages that won’t reach you.

Sunghoon: ‘This isn’t over.’

Text Message Failed To Send

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

~one year later~

“Do you know what day it is?”

“Mmmhm..” you groan, rolling onto your side and rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “S’too early babe.”

“Too early?!” He gasps dramatically, setting down a tray of your favorite food in front of your face. The aroma enough to fully open your gaze up and land on the plate adorned with your favorite croissant, sprinkled with powdered sugar and almond slices.

“You didn’t..”

“Of course I did,” Heeseung’s smile widens, on his knees by the bed you share. His chin propped on top of his folded arms as he leans in and watches you yawn away your last bits of sleep. “Happy anniversary baby.”

“You must have woke up over an hour ago to get this fresh..” you note bashfully, sitting up with a lazy grin. “Thank you. Happy anniversary. Can’t believe it’s already been one year.”

“Times gone by so fast, too fast.” He perks up, shoving the tray closer to you. “Drink before your coffee gets cold.”

“You shouldn’t have done all this.. you’re gonna be so tired at work.” You say between munching on a piece of the best almond croissant you’ve ever had. Moaning as it slides down your throat with a sip of coffee. “Here I am sleeping in while you run around Paris to get my favorite breakfast..”

“It’s nothing.” He affirms, moving onto the bed to stroke your hair away from your face. “Besides, I’m really sorry I couldn’t get today off. Really wanted to spend today with you laying in bed all day..”

“Just in bed?” You ask flirtatiously, lifting an eyebrow.

Heeseung bites down on his lip, moving closer to kiss your bare shoulder. “We do have the best time here..”

“We have tomorrow baby, don’t feel bad. Hate that I couldn’t get tonight off either, but at least tomorrow is all ours.” You frown, pecking his cheek. “One day doesn’t make that big of a difference.”

“Tomorrow, you’re not ready for what I have in store for you tomorrow..” Heeseung grins mischievously, getting up already dressed for work. Bending in to plant a kiss on your lips, he lets out a sad sigh, standing up and nodding to the tray of food. “Eat.”

“See you later, baby love.” As much as you try to smile, you can’t stop the corners of your lips from dragging down as you get up to hug him and wave him off from the front door of your shared loft.

It’s been a year now of taking the train to school together. Venturing around the city of your dreams, of holding hands and stealing kisses in dark corners. A year of peace, dreams you couldn’t have foreseen coming to fruition without Heeseung by your side.

A year of a healthy, calming, nice relationship.

365 days of photos in frames, nights falling asleep on the couch, lying to your parents via email, text messages, international phone calls..

Well, it’s not completely lying if you never claimed to not share a bed with your step-brother. Your parents know that you live together, they don’t need to know the details.

A year of introducing Heeseung as your boyfriend and not your step-brother.

A year of smiles, laughs, hours and hours of love making..

A year without his presence. Without mentioning him again, erasing his existence, pretending that what led you here in the first place had nothing to do with him..

A year to figure yourself out, all thanks to Heeseung’s help. Without him you’d really be lost still, tugged between two different paths that could have altered your current present. 

It hasn’t been easy, but this relationship has really taught you to learn how to compromise now that you’ve been serious, going on ten months of calling it official. Heeseung respected your wishes to take it slow despite how you started off, really proved himself and got help. Fully committed to you, and hasn't touched alcohol since your time in Italy.  

This is what you deserve to have, the most loving gorgeous boyfriend who adores you and worships at your feet.

Not some obsessed lunatic that blackmails you, threatens and manipulates every decision you make.. 

Things are good now.

Even as you sit on the couch in your dream loft watching old episodes of Sex & The City alone, you have to feel grateful. Carrie got her girlhood dream of Paris and romance, and you have too..

She had the Russian, and you have your step-brother.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“I have a gift for you.”

“Babeee come on! We said no gifts!”

“Pfft,” Heeseung brushes your whining off. He’s done enough from running you both a bath last night after eating the dinner you cooked, to the amazing croissants he woke you up with. “What kind of boyfriend would I be to not have something prepared for our first anniversary?”

“But I didn’t get you much.” You pout, following his movements as he unveils a neatly wrapped box from beneath your bed. “And we agreed to not splurge!”

“You deserve to be splurged on. Besides, I know there’s something you’ve been wanting to do ever since we moved here and well..”

“You didn’t.” Reaching for your chest, you curl into yourself to sedate your excitement. He sets the gift onto your lap, shifting closer to be directly by your side.

“Come on, open it.”

“Ahh, okay..” Heeseung’s smile only grows as you gently untie the gift, biting down on his lip when you begin to open up the box. “Oh my God.”

“It’s for tonight.”

“You got me tickets to Phantom at the Paris Opera house?” You knew it had to be coming. Never failing to mention that you couldn’t wait for the Phantom of The Opera to be on the calendar. 

“Happy anniversary baby.” 

“This is way better than what I got you..” you sniffle, clutching the box to your chest. “Can’t believe we’re finally going.” 

“But first! We have to grab a drink.” He exclaims, catching you off guard.

“A drink?”

Heeseung staggers for a moment, blinking at you slowly. “Coffee, to wake us up.”

“Oh of course, I’n going to need it after this week’s work load.” 

“Alright, go finish getting ready my love, I’m going to clean up a little around here before we head out.”

“Thank you Hee, I won’t take too long.”

“Take your time.”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

These are great seats, a spectacular balcony view of the stage. They must have cost a fortune. You wouldn’t dare to ask. Of course your parents still provide some type of allowance, enough to cover rent and tuition, a few bills, but with the jobs you’ve both acquired they’ve really been hard asses about making you work for your ‘fun money’ these days.

“This was always my favorite scene.” Heeseung whispers, squeezing around your hand.

Little Lotte? 

To avoid being shushed by the elderly couple neighboring your side, you furrow your eyebrows at him in confusion. Who the hell loves Little Lotte? Interesting. 

Angel of music? The music of the night? All I ask of you? The phantom of the opera? The point of no return? 

You’d have to remember to ask about that at dinner later. Odd choice out of an immaculate score, but Heeseung has always had a more unique taste. Perhaps you leaned toward the more predictable, having gone through your various favorites over the years of attending performances. 

It was when you were thirteen attending your 20th or some performance of Phantom, you landed on a final favored choice. 

Maybe it was the surge of hormones, or maybe you were just crazy. But the point of no return struck a chord that evening that had never been hit before. 

The hidden lust, the fear, the desire and crave. 

Christine was the real actress during that performance, she put on an act, leading the Phantom to believe her feelings resonated with his. Switching the manipulation he trained her with against him, exposing his vulnerability before unveiling a monstrous face for the last time. 

The pain. The suffering. The tortured love that could have been a bountiful happy ending without Raoul’s existence. It’s so tragically beautiful. 

There had been a time when Christine had annoyed you, why would she purposely seduce the Phantom only to lead him to his hell, his demise. He loved her, he wanted to be with her, he needed her.

Even now as you watch her twirl around on stage, toying with the Phantom’s weak mind, you feel annoyed. She did it because of Raoul, she did it to escape him.

Past all thought of if or when, no use resisting

Abandon thought and let the dream descend

What raging fire shall flood the soul?

What rich desire unlocks its door?

What sweet seduction lies before us?

Heat springs to the backs of your eyes as they move in fluid motion, unlocking his hold to allow her to prance around flirtatiously. Each touch between them is barely there, begging to be more. The tremble through his fingers, shaking you to the core. It’s all so raw, too real, zoning your vision in on the blaring loud chemistry between them. The way he frames around her pleading to know the secrets they can learn of each other.

The first tear to break free and trickle down to your chin parts a gasp through your lips, back stiffened as you sit straight. 

Past the point of no return, no going back now

Our passion play has now at last begun

Past all thought of right or wrong, one final question

How long should we two wait before we're one?

When will the blood begin to race?

The sleeping bud bursts into bloom?

When will the flames at last consume us?

Christine’s temptress vocals swarm around you, repeating the quiet ‘I love you’s never said out loud, only screaming in your mind. The Phantom sways to her tune, lost in the act she puts on for him. Because she is his weakness, only she can destroy him.

Tears spill out faster when their hands finally touch, and she runs, she tries to run away. Because he’s a monster, he’ll ruin her.

The half concealed face comes to light, sharing a moment of silence between them now that she knows, now that he knows. This game of lies and manipulation is over, it’s done. And Raoul stands with a gun pointed, prepared to save Christine from this monster, from this angel trapped in hell..

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime

Lead me, save me from my solitude

Say you want me with you here, beside you

Anywhere you go, let me go too

Christine, that's all I ask of—-

The most bone shattering cry of ‘no!’ racks a sob up your chest, jumping in your seat as the sound of a gun shoots off, and you know what’s coming. He has no choice but to steal her away, they’ve reached the end. 

“Babe?” Heeseung whispers faintly at your side, gripping your hand firmly, thumb soothing over your knuckles. It’s impossible to hold in your tears any longer, knowing the doom destined to meet their would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. 

It never gets easier to watch, the utter despair, lack of humanity. Christine turning her back away only to return with a kiss, a real kiss. The Phantom’s first real kiss from the only one that showed him love that his mother couldn’t.

Oh fuck.

Hounded out by everyone. Met with hatred everywhere. No kind words from anyone. No compassion anywhere..

Why, he cries, why?!?

It never hurt this much before, never made sense. Never once before could you see yourself in Christine’s place.

Because you would have never chosen Raoul. 

It’s in your soul that the true distortion lies.

“Here.” A sleeve lifts to your face, your near perfect boyfriend offering you a makeshift handkerchief. Because he knows what to do, he knows the right thing to do to bring a smile to your face. 

He once begged for forgiveness for his wrong doings created by his own Phantom. Never deserved any of what was brought upon him.

He deserves better.

You deceived me, I gave my mind blindly

If there is one thing you’ve learned through your matured eyes, it’s that you and Christine Daaé have more in common than you would have predicted at thirteen. You’re both terrible liars.

This is the point of no return.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“You’re so cute.” Heeseung’s eyes wrinkle at the corners, dabbing off a tear clinging on your chin. 

“Stopppp.” You whine, huffing from embarrassment as you make it to your seats and thank the hostess for escorting you.

“I didn’t think you’d be this emotional.”

“I’m sensitive.” You mutter cheekily, glaring at him.

“Can’t believe you’re still crying.”

Heeseung’s smile couldn’t be more endeared, leaning over to dab your cheeks before another tear can trail down. He laughs quietly, kissing your cheek. 

“It’s a big deal!” You gush, fanning yourself to calm down. “Feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment forever.”

“You told me you’ve seen Phantom of The Opera hundreds of times?” He says, nose scrunching up with a confused look. “Weren’t you even a part of the theater club, monthly subscription and all?”

“Yes!” Continuing to sniffle, you playfully smack his arm for mumbling about what a dork you are, letting out a long sigh. “But at the Paris opera house?! I’ll never forget this. It’s been at the top of my bucket list for years.”

“It was really beautiful,” he shrugs, appearing deep in thought. “Music was great.”

“The music, the passion.” Sighing dreamily, you clutch your chest, reaching to hold his hand. “I could see hundreds of more renditions and none would ever come close to this one.”

The way you squeeze his hand in yours draws a smile on his lips, laying his other hand on top to sandwich you between. “I’d only ever seen the black and white film before. I guess that’s my one complaint, kind of expected more of a horror or thriller because of that.” He hums, lifting his hands to kiss your knuckles. “The way they romanticized it was a little weird.”

Romanticized?

Squinting at him, you lean in closer. “What do you mean?”

“Well, Erik, the Phantom.” He nods, looking you in the eye. “He’s a monster.”

He’s a what?

You can feel your face morph to one of surprise instantaneously, jaw loose as you try to register what he means. “It’s not a horror story Hee.. Erik loves Christine.”

“Loves?!” He laughs boisterously, dropping your hand to grab onto the dinner table. “No way you’ve seen that play as much as you have and think he loves her. He’s a murderer.”

“Wait wait wait, no,” shaking your head, you poke at his chest. “You don’t get it. He’s been mistreated his entire life by everyone. He doesn’t know how to love until he meets Christine.”

Heeseung blinks at you slowly with one eyebrow raised. “He doesn’t meet her, he stalks her!” He scoffs, laughing under his breath. “Wow, so you—you wanted her to end up with the Phantom instead of Raoul?”

“What? Of course I did!” You stress, attempting to keep your voice down to not draw attention from the others around enjoying their meals. “Everyone does, like oh my God? He loves her—he’s her fucking angel!”

Heeseung continues to laugh, scratching at his nape wide eyed. “Oh you’re serious. You really watched her get chased around by this psychopath who threatens and stalks her and got love from that?”

Well. When you put it that way.

“You don’t get it.” You slump defeated, forcing yourself to not frown.

He watches you for a minute, leaning forward with his elbows on the table. “I think I do actually.” 

Tension weighs thick between the two of you, ignoring how serious his gaze has turned, you fake a smile and glance around waiting for your order to arrive. “It’s just a play.”

“Right. It’s just a play.”

“It’s not just a play to you though.” He hums, picking at the basket of bread you’ve both been eating from. “You have books, listen to the soundtrack often, watch the movies.. you’re a big phan, as you’ve told me.”

“I mean, it’s all fictional.” You shrug, ignoring the large blaring elephant that’s entered the restaurant. 

“That one you read, that was like your little Phantom porn.” He snorts, remembering how you’d curl up in bed and proceed to feel him up after finishing a chapter. “Wasn’t Raoul his brother in that one? He was Erik’s older brother, right?”

Now, why would he remember that, and why right now.

“Uhm yeah, there’s a few renditions where the authors canoned them as siblings.” You admit, doing your best to sound casual. 

“I wonder why they do that?”

“Oh well, you know, brothers.. that’s like a thing. A common trope often used in fictional stories.”

“Only fictional stories?” He says playfully, keeping his demeanor calm. “So, who would you choose for Christine?”

There’s no more playfulness behind his tone, finishing the question with a tight lip, he slightly arches an eyebrow.

“I mean, I know you don’t get it but she should have picked Phantom.” You say confidently, shaking your head. “He brought out her voice.”

“From this play I’ve really learned more about her relationship with Raoul though, how they knew each other as kids.” He recounts, leaning in close with his chin resting on his palm. “I think she really liked him, she knew him. Their connection went deeper than the forced bond Erik manipulated her into believing they have.”

It’s pointless to argue about it, even if you have to ignore the heat rising to your cheeks and the beat in your chest speeding up. “You wouldn’t get it..”

Heeseung’s lips part for a minute ready to drag this out, slamming them shut and opting to lean back in his seat when he sees the corners of your lips sink down. “Sorry, I know you really love the story. Guess I was curious to understand what you love about it.”

“I love their love.” You sigh, nervously fiddling with your dress between your fingers. “That they connected through her voice, his music. It could have gone differently if she had seen him as a man and not a monster.”

“But he is a monster.” He reiterates, rubbing at his nape in disbelief. “He stalks her, hides behind mirrors to watch her practice from, he even kidnaps her!”

Heeseung tries to hold back his thoughts, but even he can’t deny the same eerie feeling that ignited in him when you broke down in tears. You feel bad, you feel bad for not choosing the unloved monster that took advantage of you, that somehow infiltrated your heart.

He knows it and you know it. The name neither of you ever mentioned lingers around your relationship. Unfinished sentences of ‘this reminds me of—‘ solidify tension between you whenever Heeseung pauses and nods as if to affirm your non-negotiated agreement.

One day you were in Italy, the next in Germany, holed up together in a hotel room too afraid to speak. Everything became too real when he pleaded with you to explain everything once you got onto the train.

‘Dad always wanted me to do more with my life.’ Heeseung had explained once you settled in your cart, hollowed lines heavy beneath his eyes from lack of sleep. ‘Hoon’s obviously going to be his predecessor, the next to run the company. I never wanted to follow my father’s footsteps. I wanted to enjoy my life, a normal life that my mom would have wanted for me. I promised her I wouldn’t let dad run my future the way he has with Sunghoon, down to even who he should marry.’

It slipped out before he realized, shifting his gaze away hoping you wouldn’t question what he meant by that. Their dad had tried to set him up with Miyeon first, laying out the plan that he would wed her someday and merge their companies. Sunghoon running the Park’s business while Heeseung married his place into the Cho’s. It was his perfect plan to ensure wealth and success, to prepare both of his sons for the future that they’d have to exist in without him.

Heeseung had refused, already invested in his relationship with Jina, Sunghoon’s childhood crush. Mr. Park yelled, screamed, deemed him useless and misguided. Ruined by the years spent with his mother, he turned soft in comparison to his younger brother who has only hardened up and built a powerful shell around himself under their father’s care. Or lack thereof.

Sunghoon sat in silence as their father threatened Heeseung, told him to pack his shit up and find someone else to house him, to feed him, to pay for his bullshit. The denial of his wishes never led to anything good.

The younger cursed to himself, sitting up straight. ‘I will court Miyeon.’

Despite their differences, they had attempted to rebuild their sibling relationship. They started to play basketball at night, occasionally laughing when the other would miss a shot. They’d work out together, even went out to a couple of concerts and parties together. Heeseung never wanted to cut his brother off, only respected what he believed to be his wishes after Jian had chosen him and Sunghoon spit in his face.

Jian was a year older than Heeseung, she introduced herself to him the first day at his new school. It was scary to enter a high school he was completely unfamiliar with, but smitten Jian made it as easy as possible, sticking by his side before confessing at the end of the day that she like likes him.

The memory was so innocent and childish, the leap into each other's hearts in less than 24 hours of meeting. It’s something you can really only experience once in your life when you’re young and haven’t experienced how cruel the world can be.

Heeseung’s first love was Sunghoon’s first heartbreak. 

The stood outside of his younger brother’s middle school hand-in-hand, giggling to each other happily about the titles of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’.

Sunghoon dropped his book bag upon seeing them, screaming out angrily, he jab between your conjoined hands and flew into a tantrum. 

Over the next year he got over it- he tried to get over it. All while ignoring Heeseung’s existence. Nothing he did could change the younger’s attitude toward him. Every remark held bitterness, every question carried hatred, every interaction left them both uneasy and anxious.

Heeseung tried to explain, he really liked Jian, and she really liked him. But Sunghoon refused to listen, scolding him for stealing the crush he wasn’t even aware of. It wasn’t the ideal way to rekindle their brotherly love, after being selected during quintessential years of frontal lobe development. 

But the older never gave up, hoping that one day his brother would come around, and he did. They never really felt as close as they did as kids, but they had something—and that was enough. 

Hugs turned into nudges and pats on the backs. Sunghoon never came to him when he was upset the way he used to as children. He kept interaction at school minimal, and treated him more as a roommate at home than a brother. But it was something, and that’s better than nothing.

‘My father never saw eye to eye with me. I hated the whispers that flew around when I came back to live with them. That I was just this spoiled rich kid, son of the mogul Park. Sunghoon’s older brother who undoubtedly wiped his ass with hundred dollar bills. I wasn’t accustomed to this life anymore.’

‘Because you had been living with your mom..’

‘Yes, and she took us away from all of this. My grandparents mostly raised me, mom.. had a drinking problem too. She sort of unlocked the door to mine. I’ve been told addiction can be passed on, genetics you know. I wanted to save her but she abused her body day in and day out and I thought I could be better than that. That I could save myself since I failed to save her.’

‘You were a kid..’

And Sunghoon, both too naive and childish to carry the burden of selfish adult problems. Both damaged and scarred by the choices of the ones that were meant to protect them, keep them safe from these harmful coping habits.

‘I was.’ Heeseung had agreed, pulling pieces of his hair between his fingers. ‘I thought I could find the strength to let shit go, grow up without these demons following me. I couldn’t , and just like my brother loves to remind me, I’m a fucking failure.’

‘But you got help Hee.’

‘I did, after coming home one night after Jian had broken up with me before heading to college, I got wasted.’ He shamefully admits. ‘I fucked up bad, but the break up was so sudden, she didn’t want a boyfriend back home preventing her from having fun in another state. Not during her first year of college..’

‘I’m sorry..’

It’s hard to hear about your first loves first love, comforting your ego and trying to hide your jealousy. You urged him to continue. Hands held in both of yours, squeezing each time he found himself at a loss for words

‘We had a huge fight that night, Hoonie and I.’ Pain etched through his soft features, blinking back tears. ‘He’s hated me ever since, maybe he always hated me.’

‘Why would he..’

‘What he said to me that night, about our mom.. blamed me for not taking proper care of her. Screamed at me that she should have kept him, that he would have done what I’m not man enough to do. Just like Jina would have still been with him. He really beat me to a pulp with a few words.. after this I don’t have any faith in repairing this relationship with my brother. He doesn’t care if I live or die, blames me for everything that’s never gone his way in life..’

Unfair, that’s really the only way to put it. Unfair the same way Raoul banished Erik for his monstrous appearance to live in hiding, a dark family secret. 

Both born into wealth, granted a life of ease, both torn apart by their obsession with love. Heeseung needed his father, he needed Sunghoon, after everything he went through with their mother. He needed someone to treat him like their son that had been to hell and back, still alive to retell the tale. He needed the love his father denied him, the love his mother wasted away in favor of her own vices.

Sunghoon in-denial, needed love more than he can even begin to understand. He takes and takes and takes, never sees harm in his actions. The obsession to be loved, needed, wanted, cherished, it tears him from inside out. He covers it up with the most perfect facade. No one would question someone with their shit so together that not even a hair is out of place. 

Sunghoon.. banished his own true self, the snotty nose child that would cry in his mother’s arms. That clung to her leg screaming bloody murder when she headed in a different direction with Heeseung. Begging and crying for her to take him, for her to love him too.

They both are so so fucked up, and your presence has only put the spotlight directly on them.

‘I made a deal with my father, we’d go to Germany to visit a couple of universities, then Poland, Spain, France, anywhere. I researched a few of the schools with the best architectural programs. He was really happy to hear that- said I’m finally taking my future serious. And I mentioned how you always talk about studying hospitality and fashion, the luxury high-end brands that cater to the elite. From clothing to home decor and lifestyle. Your mom overheard, and thankfully jumped in. We started looking up the train schedule soon after and booking places we can stay.’

‘School? In Europe? But that would mean—‘

‘That we get away from him.’ Heeseung said coldly, forcing a smile. ‘That we can have a chance at a healthy real relationship. Me and you alone, no more unnecessary interference, no more worrying about what Sunghoon will try next to divide us.’

No more Sunghoon, his existence expunged from your reality. You had cried, uttered the words, and Heeseung absorbed each one, swallowed down your tears, let them incinerate his throat. He did this for you, for the ‘us’ you should be.

“He’s misunderstood.” You mumble softly, hoping to change the subject as your plates are set down.

“Ah, you’re right, I’m wrong.” He laughs sarcastically, brushing off the conversation. Well, this isn’t awkward at all now. At least you can talk about the meals you ordered, fawning over how good the seasoning is on the potatoes. 

“Try this.” You say cheerfully, reaching your fork toward his lips. He loves it, of course, you have a lot in common. Agree on movies, music, food, have even found your missing shirts in Heeseung’s pile of clothes. Down to the fabrics you both prefer, everything makes sense. Maybe you’re soulmates.

That’s right. Soulmates bonded together by the unforeseen marriage your parents would have someday, failed to be torn apart by his own brother.

“It’s a nice night out.” Heeseung breathes out happily, slinging his arm around your shoulder.

“Really is, the weather's great.”

“Oooh, this must be new?” You stop to admire a quaint lit up building, many dressed formally and casual entering while chatting and laughing. “Wanna check it out?”

Nodding, you make it to the entrance only to stop, tugging his arm close to your chest. “Oh it’s a bar..”

“Oh.” Heeseung swallows uncomfortably, taking a step back.

“It’s fine babe, we both have work tomorrow anyway.”

He still hesitates, shifting from foot to foot before agreeing that you should continue on your way home. It never gets easier, not much of a loss to you, other than the occasional glass of wine you crave once in a while. 

Heeseung’s worked too hard to stay clean, he does it for you. He does it for both of you. That’s how healthy relationships work, you can skip out on a drink for fun to help him stay sober. Even if it means missing out on Paris nightlife.

“Ah, I totally forgot!” He pipes up to break the tense atmosphere, stuffing his hands inside of his pockets. “Deftones announced a tour!”

“What!” You exclaim, wrapping around his waist to keep him pressed to your side, walking synchronized with long steps. “We have to go!”

“Ah, I wish.” He sighs, throwing his arms around your upper half. “You know every western artist forgets that Europe exists.”

“No tour dates here? Really?”

“Unfortunately. Another cool tour we’ll have to miss out on. Can’t wait until we finish our degrees and move back.” He says too calmly for your liking, stepping over your own feet. Nearly stumbling if not for him holding onto you. 

“Oh.” 

Move back? Since when has moving back ever been a part of the plan? Once you settled in France and enrolled into a new university, you never discussed the possibility of moving back..

“Can you picture it? I’ll design our first house, call us the Brady bunch the way I’ll be mapping out the blueprints once we find the perfect land.” He speaks dreamily, unaware of the meltdown happening in your head. “We’d have to move kind of far from our parents.”

And him. The one he won’t mention.

“What do you think? More of an oceanic view? Green scenery?”

“Uhh, ah fuck.” Clutching your head, you escape from his hold. “Sorry sorry.. migraine hit out of nowhere.”

“Ah, and I don’t have any medicine on me. Well we’re not too far from home, should I flag down a cab?”

“No no it’s fine, lets just walk. Think all of that crying just got to me.”

It’s only a few more minutes to your loft. Faking a headache wasn’t really the best choice, but one uncomfortable conversation had you at your limit. 

“Wish we had time for..” Heeseung drags on, smoothing your hair away from your face. “I know it’s late, you’re tired, I’m tired.”

Ah, the reality of modern romance. The false idea of work life balance can kill the energy you once had for hours of love making.

Fucking really.

You hit missionary plenty of times, laid under his weight, accepting slow deep thrusts between your thighs. Easier than jerking him off for 30 minutes until he cums. 

“You can keep it inside of me tonight.” You grin, not wanting to drag on the sour taste in your mouth that grows more with each thing he says. 

You’re annoyed, that’s all. Rarely ever annoyed by him but you can’t stop replaying what he said.

Move back, Heeseung wants to move back. He doesn’t want to live your dream in Paris. He’s not in love with the city of love, he’s in love with you. His dream is that you give up yours for his..

Love means making sacrifices, right? And you had your time in Paris. He even took you to the opera house. Why wouldn’t he start the discussion of more serious matters like the future you can achieve together? 

Maybe it’s because this is your first serious relationship, but isn’t it too soon to consider having a family? Can it even be considered too soon given the circumstances that led you to live together before ever committing to each other?

This isn’t a normal relationship, he still is your step-brother contrary to the description you’ve curated for him during your time here alone. 

If you tell him you want to stay here, will he still leave? He’s mentioned missing his friends, the food back home, the convenience of driving everywhere. Things you don’t dwell on much because you assumed he was falling in love with not only you, but the city you discover together.

Heeseung leaving you to fulfill his happiness could very well happen. He’d move back without you, build a home for his future family, find a woman who really deserves his love.

Not with you. 

Imagining all of that really does make your head throb now, pardoning yourself to use the restroom and clean off before bed. He follows you to brush his teeth before stepping out, patting your behind on his way out.

How naive of you to think this could be it. That you found love this easily, in what reality do people fall in love with the first person they ever hold a serious relationship with? Sure, it happens, but why would it happen to you.

Anxiety only builds as you wash your face and start to think about it more.

What if..

What if you made the wrong choice? What if you picked Raoul over Phantom?

That—that’s a ridiculous thought. You have to laugh, not even paying attention to your hand reaching for your drawer to slide it open all of the way. There’s a jewelry box shoved to the back, not hidden, not intentionally hidden..

He’d never know why you placed it so far back, never assume it’s because of the black pearls tucked away inside that make your chest ache whenever you allow yourself to glimpse at them. 

You never wear them, not since that day. He had said they looked beautiful on you. Taken photos of you, admired them and even saved some to his phone.. 

They’re cold to the touch, much like the faded memory of his smooth cool skin gliding beneath your fingertips. That stupid God damn day at the Vatican should have never happened. It should have been Heeseung.

Because Sunghoon’s smile from behind his phone as he snapped photos of you, the side of his face and wide shimmering eyes taking in all of the artwork, and the warmth when your bodies would brush together. All of it replays behind your eyes at least once per week. 

It feels like cheating at times, to still harbor feelings for your love's enemy.. 

You traveled past the point of no return the day you granted him access to your heart, and somehow that bastard figured it out. He fucking knew you were ready to fall from grace, allow him to lead you into temptation. 

So unfair, it’s so unfair for you too. Because you should have never made it this far with either of them. Lust and love read all the same when you’re riding the highest of highs. When you are also desperate to be loved and wanted.

You gave them both everything you could muster, and now here you stand, close to nothing. Close to losing the basket you placed all of your eggs in, longing for the one that maybe got away..

You should donate the pearls, pawn them off and buy Heeseung a new gaming console. Something to lighten the load of guilt weighing heavy on your back.

Heeseung may leave one day, you may never see him again. It’d be fine because you’d never have to wonder ‘what if’. You had your magical romance, and you’d change nothing about it really..

Except one thing.

Because that one thing will always be a ‘what if’, even in your next relationship you will find yourself flashing back to those memories you can’t part ways with. The hole that grows larger in your chest, you’ll try to fill it and fail over and over again.

Sunghoon, he’ll always be that open ended question with endless possible answers..

Gripping onto the pearls, you suck down a sob itching at your throat. He stopped chasing you, and you can’t even blame him. 

The guilt that encompassed your soul on that train to Germany kept your eyes wide awake as Heeseung slept against your shoulder. Leaving him behind in that hotel bed without so much as a goodbye, handing your phone over to Heeseung to erase his brother’s existence.

It was the right thing to do, that’s why you’re here one year later, finally living and loving.

“Come onnnn baby, come to bed.” Heeseung leans against the door, big doe eyes blinking away glossy moisture from needing to sleep. “Wanna cuddle with you before I knock out.”

“I’ll be right there.” You smile, swallowing the gasp lodged in your throat. Subtly shutting the jewelry box shut while hiding your surprise. He wouldn’t know who bought you that necklace anyway. You never said, never wore it, but the rush of guilt that hits at the thought of him knowing speaks volumes. 

He snarls playfully, pretending to bite the door frame. “Hurryyyy before I end up drooling on you in your sleep.” He winks, heading back to your bedroom. 

Wash your face, wash away the ugly thoughts invading your mind, wash away the worry.

Because you shouldn’t be worried, not about him. He doesn’t deserve your worry. As you clutch the necklace between your digits one more time, you have to ask yourself..

Is it guilt? Guilt because you left him, kissing him light as a feather before tiptoeing away, praying he won’t wake soon.

Is it resentment? Resenting yourself for feeling this way, resenting him for making you feel this wake. Enraged whenever you really think about it, the memories you should have never created together. This stupid necklace you never wear, that you can’t force yourself to get rid of.

Or is it really just pain? Because he never came after you, never showed up. Every glance over your shoulder filled you with disappointment. He stopped chasing you.. he really got tired of chasing you..

The reflection staring back at you trembles, blinking away the warmth collecting at your eyes. Guilt, pain, anger, and worst of all, love.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“I’m just getting in right now.”

Heeseung’s raspy tone radiates through your phone’s speaker wishing you a fast and relaxing shift. It’s not ideal to work the later hours but this opportunity to fill a position at one of the most prestigious luxury hotel chains in Europe has been a more than lucky honor to hold; knowing how the name would automatically push your resume to the top of future applicants gunning to snag the same job.

“Try not to stay up for me, okay?” You smile, pausing at the front entrance before heading inside.

“I’ll try, but you know how hard it is for me to fall asleep without you here.” He says in a tired drawl, surely wiped out after working. “Need to know that my baby made it home safe.”

“I will,” you assure, ending with your goodbyes and added ‘love you’s. Adjusting your top before pocketing your phone to head inside, you proudly strut in. Head held high, shoulders back, and designer purse tightly tucked under your arm as you make your way to the back room to clock-in.

“Ah good, you’re here.” Your manager appears, seemingly frazzled.

“Where do you need me today?” You’re fast to ask, immediately locking up your coat and belongings to get ready for your tasks.

“The empire suite.” He informs you, taking on a stern tone. “Have a very very important guest occupying the room, and just had a huge delivery brought in to be taken to their suite.” He nods to follow him, leading you to a trolley stacked from top to bottom with shoppings bags of all sizes.

Hermès, Chanel, Dior, Saint Laurent, Versace, Burberry, Prada. Any high-end designer brand you can think of sat there neatly organized into a pile before your eyes.

“A real high roller..” 

“The highest.” Your manager adds, handing you a key. “Do be sure to set everything up in their room in a neat manner. I’m trusting you to do a great job, and don’t touch anything.”

“You can count on me.” You affirm, taking a deep breath before grabbing onto the cart full of what you can only begin to calculate as thousands upon thousands of dollars.

“Yes well,” he follows, helping you onto the employee only elevator. “Be sure to give it your American touch. Our guest is one of your kind.” He finishes snidely, hiding a look of disgust with a forced fake smile as the elevator doors come to close and you’re left alone. Trapped against the wall in the enclosed space with the cart taking up most of the area surrounding you, you’re happy to hear the ding announcing your arrival to the empire suite.

The suite takes up this entire floor, has the best view in all of Paris, and since working here you’d only gotten the chance to see it once when you first started and had the new staff tour to learn the ins and outs of the hotel.

The fee for a night in one of France's nicest suites was enough to have your palms dampen up, dragging them down your hips as you reach the double-wide doors. The guests wouldn’t be inside, right? Your manager hadn’t mentioned that they’d be occupying the space at this moment.

Quietly knocking a few times you wait, nervously pressing your ear to one of the doors. “Hel—“ covering your mouth, you clear your throat and stand straight.

No. Calling out a ‘hello?’ Would not sit well with some snobby elite, would it.

Choosing to assume the room is currently empty you swipe the key and slowly push the door open. Tiptoeing your way inside to what looks like an untouched suite. From where you stand by the entrance everything looks as pristine and crystal sparkling clean as you remember, as if no guest had ever been able to taint the space with their existence. 

Waiting for another minute to go by, you begin to pull the cart in, making your way to the master room to begin setting up a display on a large empty table near the entrance. This would be most convenient for guests traveling,  near their luggage to store their new purchases away. 

Starting with the larger bags you can’t help but sigh to yourself in this giant empty suite. What a dream it would be to live this way. So spoiled and damn near gluttonous with your money, rich enough to wipe your ass with a Hermès scarf.

“Forever the Nomi Malone..” you say under your breath, setting down one of the Versace bags.

“It’s Versayce.” You snort, rolling your eyes. Being insanely wealthy is overrated anyway..

Who needs all of this really, it’s tacky in a sense. That’s why you’d rather focus on solid colors over brand names and prints. A minimal timeless type of fashion, where else to best study that other than Paris?

Even so, there’s no denying how exciting it is to have your own Chanel purse in your clutches, digging your fingertips against the leather just to listen to the sound when you retract. Everything about Paris has really been such a dream. The food, the scenery, the language, the fashion, the love..

How could Heeseung ever want to leave any of this? Isn’t it love and romance that makes home where the heart is? Of course these ugly thoughts hadn’t left your mind since the conversation you had the other night, itching to bring it up again but fearing to hear the truth.

He doesn’t actually think you’ll move back, right? He had to know that this is your life now, this is what makes you feel complete and happy..

And over something as minuscule as attending concerts. Pft, you can stream anything on the internet these days, and no concert could ever compare to the magic of the Paris opera house.. 

You’ll have to get real at some point, he could have just been talking nonsense.. nothing serious. Yeah. It’s nothing to worry about, he already uprooted his life to be with you. This is what he wants too, you. He wants you.

Nodding to yourself you place the last bag at the front, taking a few steps back to admire your set up. Ah, yes, quite the American touch.

Shaking your head you turn on your heel to get one more look around the room. It’s really as if no one’s slept in here once. Not a wrinkle on the king sized bed, not one single spot or stain on the floor, the furniture all in mint condition. It really all screams elitism, royalty even. Making you all the more curious as to who could be staying here right now, peaking around in hopes of finding some type of clue. It’d be too much to open the closet for a look. Don’t touch anything.. 

Resisting your curious fingers, you turn toward the ceiling to floor window to take in the view one more time. The view alone could really convince you to pay the large sum for a one night stay. Who could sleep with a sight like this? The entire vicinity of Paris illuminated before your eyes where you stand peacefully watching the hustle and bustle of night life. Bars and restaurants that stay open late into the night, bike riders rushing through the streets on their way somewhere that seems urgent to get to, street vendors and tourists haggling amidst the daily routines of Parisians just trying to get by.

It’s something really, the city life. Stress, fast-pace, and yet an attitude of relaxed nature surrounding the Eiffel Tower. 

“Beautiful..” you whisper, lightly pressing your fingertips against the glass. Quality glass that keeps the heat and cold out enough to stand as close to it as possible without shivering, reminding you of how much detail went into creating this experience for only the most superior of guests.

“As beautiful as I remember.”

It’s the vibrato that races down your spine from the lips grazing your nape that has you jumping out of your skin. Palms flattened against the window as you let out a frightened shriek and your eyes go wide.

That voice. That voice that can only be heard in your darkest of dreams. The same one that keeps you up at night scrolling through your phone for hours attempting to distract yourself from your relentless thoughts. 

It can’t be. 

It can’t be him.

“More beautiful,” he whispers, grasping your waist tightly. “How can you not be after all this time. Thought that you could run away from me so easily, did you?”

The only way to describe your chest is hollow, empty, dried up. Gasping for air as your hands drag down the glass and he presses your back flush to his chest, chin hooked over your shoulder. “You really think I’d let you get away so easily? After everything you put me through.”

There’s no way that it’s him.

“You really painted me out to be the villain in this story, didn’t you?” He hums, mouth moving along the bare side of your throat. “He managed to get in that head of yours better than I could, and yet I am somehow the bad guy.”

Squeezing his hands around you tighter only traps your air flow even more, choking on your spit with your eyes lowered to the floor. Too afraid to look up and see the reflection you refuse to believe could be staring back at you through the window glass.

“You have nothing to say for yourself? Nothing after a year?”

Help? Would that be a proper response right now. Half expecting the tip of a gun or knife to meet your spine if you dare to speak, you can’t contain the choked out sob that emits as your lips part open.

“Ah, you must be thrilled to see me.” He mocks, pulling you away from the window. “Can’t even find the words to express yourself.”

Manhandling you onto the bed, he forces your weight down to sit, unable to not look at him as he grips your jaw and forces your eyes up.

Sunghoon.

It’s really him. A little aged, jawline sharper than ever, shoulders broader in size.. he looks as breathtaking as ever, even with a tight scowl wrinkling the skin between his eyebrows.

“As much as I love to watch you cry,” he snickers, gently turning your face side to side to inspect how much you’ve changed. “No time for sappy moments now. That’s not why I’m here.” 

It’s only then that you notice the rings adorning his slim fingers, stepping back to stand tall above you, he folds his hands over his stomach, appearing more menacing than you remember. A cold stare blaring down on you hard enough to freeze you in place.

“Speak now darling.” He smirks, pacing backward toward the table you set up full of items. “You wish to deprive me of your voice still? You know how long the flight here is, especially without your warm cunt to entertain me.”

“But, how?” You stammer, wiping your cheeks clean of the few tears that managed to escape amidst your shock. “How did you—“

Turning sharply, he sits against the table, toying with a small bag. “Don’t ask me stupid questions.” He grits, unraveling a small box wrapped up in ribbons. “You know that I always knew where you were.” 

Pushing off, he opens up the box, showing off fancy chocolates organized inside before popping one inside of his mouth. “The proper question is why now? Why after all of this time.” Beginning to pace before you, he nods, shoving another chocolate in his mouth. 

“It was no easy task.” Sunghoon hums, waving a hand mid-air as he starts to explain. Intense glare unwavering from where you sit. “To stay away for so long, to allow my brother to live so peacefully. To resist the incessant desires pounding through my head each and every day to seek my revenge.”

Slowly scanning you from head to toe he nods, throwing the now empty box of sweets aside. Reaching inside of his pockets he slowly draws free gloves, black velvety gloves that he drags onto his finger ominously. The tightness in his jaw sends shivers up your spine, gulping as he snaps the second glove on.

“I hated you, despised your being, loathed your existence.” He spits, teeth gritted. “I cared so deeply for months and months, killed myself at the gym trying to erase you. I tried to sweat you out, scrub you off of my skin, delete your memory. But you’re everywhere, my shower, my bedroom, even at fucking school I had to ignore the ghost of you.”

The scowl wrinkling his smooth face deepens, nostrils flaring as he stops to glare down at you. “You.. you tried my patience.”

Make your choice. 

A small gasp escapes, it’s as if you’ve reached the end. Your own Phantom whisking you away, threatening you one last time to choose wisely, to choose wrongly.

“It’s unbecoming for me to fall in love.” He scoffs, waving toward your face. “And I had to ask myself if that’s what I feel, because it’s so foreign to me. I had to wonder why you’d even indulge me only to end up running off with him. Perhaps you were the villain here all along.

“Sunghoon..” you whisper shakily, struggling to breathe.

“The hardest part, all of this time..” he smooths three gloved fingers across your jaw, cupping your chin. “Staying away from you.. no contact, not a word. I knew it’d be worth it. All of this would be worth it, the bargaining and negotiating with my father. Counting down the days, marking off my calendar, ignoring the sound of your voice whenever your mother would put you on speaker. I knew that one day soon we’d be together again.”

He sighs, thumb dipping against the middle of your chin. “What a shame that after everything you’ve put me through I still can’t stop myself from thinking of how beautiful you look. How he had a year of this, of you belonging to him. Of spreading your thighs open, of kissing your lips whenever he wants”

“What—what do you want?”

Sunghoon’s teeth grind, reaching for his pocket again, his hold on your face remaining light enough to break free if you wish. It doesn’t help calm your nerves, watchfully following his slow movements before searching for your nearest escape.

“Please, d-don’t hurt me.. please!” You blurt, lips trembling.

His eyes widen, sharp gaze forming to one of offense and shock. “Hurt you?” He says in a raised tone, causing you to cower into yourself. “Hurt you? You dare to ask me to not hurt you? Is that why you think I’m here?”

Yes? You peer up anxiously, arms wrapping around your waist. “I’ll do whatever you want, just please..”

Clicking his tongue, he takes a step back and sinks down to look up at you, lifting one hand up to cup your face and stroke fresh tears away. “I’m not here to hurt you.” He informs, frowning. “Besides, I could never hurt you the way that you’ve hurt me. No. I could never, unfortunately.”

Dropping his hand, he looks away, taking deep breaths as his tongue drags across the backs of his teeth. “The way you played me like a damn fool.. I was impressed, really.” Looking back at your surprised expression, he cocks a dark eyebrow. “I told you, we’re more alike than you may want to accept. What you did to me—I was furious. That flight back home, I really wanted to ruin your life. Even looked up flights to Germany, but I decided against it.”

He laughs breathily, head dropping back, blinking away hot moisture that hits the backs of his eyes. “I went home and I thought about it. I thought about everything, you and me. Why I was so fucking hung up. I thought about you and him…” he says quietly, neck cracking to one side. “Ate away at me for weeks, I couldn’t move on. I know you felt what I felt..” 

Shifting onto one knee, his gaze finds yours, taking one of your hands in his. “And after a few months of hating you, I couldn’t pretend anymore. I know you felt what I felt, call me crazy, call me the worst person you’ve ever met. A fucking nightmare you can’t outrun.” He pulls your hand closer, lips grazing your knuckles. “But I’d never deny my heart that screams your name the way you tune out your own. Maybe I am crazy.” 

He looks at you, stone cold, every emotion passing across his gaze. “Or maybe you made me crazy.”

Fear shifts to confusion the longer you maintain eye contact, tempted to pull your hand away as he reaches for his pocket once again. “I never hated you, even after what you did to me. Drove me insane really, how I couldn’t stop thinking about you.. couldn’t get over you.”

Clearing his throat, he straightens out, gingerly holding your hand. “I came here with one mission, and I have no intention to fail. I’m not leaving without you. Not again, no more.

“What? What do you—“

“I want you, I want us.” Sunghoon affirms, unfolding his fist to reveal a small leather box, snapping it open leaving you breathless. “And I won’t allow you to make this mistake again.”

The diamond ring shines all around, glittery light reflecting off against the glove covering his palm, using his thumb and index finger to take it out. “I’m here because you belong with me, we both know it.”

“I don’t—“

“You belong with me.” He cuts you off, throat bobbing to evaporate the itch rising. “In my arms, by my side, hand held in mine. I want to wake up by your side, want you to be the last smile I see before I shut my eyes for the night. I want to smell you all around me, to find your lost hairs stuck to my clothes, to be greeted by your shoes near the front door. I want to hear your complaints, I want to eradicate every sad pout that forms on your lips. I want and want and want, and I won’t stop. I won’t give up on what my heart believes is real.”

A moment of vulnerability flashes across his gaze, eyebrows furrowing together, lifting the ring to glide onto your finger. “Marry me.”

Biting back a smile, one single tear escapes, slowly sliding down his unblemished pale skin. The stain of residue elicits a tightness in your chest, finally pulling your hand away from his and clutching your wrist.

“Please,” he swallows, mouth gone dry. “Say yes.” 

Standing back up, he grabs your waist to get up, rubbing up and down your sides before leaning in to whisper along your lips. “Marry me.”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

NEXT—> Epilogue(coming soon)

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Mila I’m a ‘T’ (ENTP) aswell, let’s get married rn 🤪😍

Diaaaaaa unnieeeee!!!!!!!!

Me that striving for enhypen x nct dream interactions 😳 😔 🤧 ✨️

What if both groups meet up to do some tiktok or just meet up, and WHOLE nct dreamies just keep focus on Mila

well it’s funny you say that bc 👀👀👀

hehehehe 🤭🤭

Tulips bloom in our tears

🌷 a series where you and riki love each other in every life. [inspired by nessa barrett songs]

in your first life you promised riki that you would love him the same in every life, and he promised he’d love you forever. what you didn’t know was that the gods heard your promises, and they cried for you. your fate in that life was already decided, you were born to die early, and he was born to live forever. the gods tears fell from the clouded abyss, disguised as rain. they cried for the wandering boy, the boy who couldn’t get in. they wished for a miracle, oh and what a miracle it was. the couples fate was changed, they would meet and fall in love all the same in every life. who knew all it took was a wish on the tears, the everlasting tulips bloomed in the holes of their melancholic love and created their own heaven.

but why does it seem like most of them end in tragedy

their first life

now playing : i can’t get in

↳ “what if i can’t get in? how will i see you again?”

everyone told him that he will get over it; that he will get over you. but they don’t understand, no one ever does. they say he’s wasting his life mourning over someone who won’t come back, that he needs to move on. they don’t understand that you were his life, and when you died everything he loved about himself died along with you. you were the thing he loved the most about himself, and without you everything is black and white. no matter how many times he tried to get to you, he never could.

🤍🩵

their second life

now playing : i’ve never loved you more

↳ “we can pretend that this didn’t happen”

he tried his best, he always did. but sometimes his best just wasn’t good enough for you. you knew he was busy with his career, but you didn’t sign up to have a part time boyfriend. he wanted to be there for you, it was just hard. you knew he didn’t understand, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. he never knew about the obvious hourglass, and he especially didn’t know about how it was almost completely out. he was too late, he’s always been bad at time. even the sand didn’t wait for him, how could he expect love to? all you wanted was to be loved by him, i guess we can’t hold other people to our own expectations.

🤍🩵

their third life

now playing : you’re more than beautiful, you’re mine

↳ you’re lucky that you’re pretty”

after hearing his label mates new song riki decided to show her that there’s more to her than her body. he’s heard of her, everyone has. she’s untouchable, with visuals that rival the beauty of the night sky. she’s everywhere, her face plastered on every billboard and bus alike. her voice sounds from every platform, her velvety voice attracts the ears of everyone, hypnotizing them and drawing them into the ad. and finally she’s there, crying in her practice room with her arms wrapped around her body with her new solo blasting in the room. riki’s admired her from afar, and now it’s time to show her why he loves her. and why she should love herself.

🤍🩵

their forth life

now playing : even blindfolded i’d still find you

↳ “so it’s you and me against the world”

two dancers, two blindfolds, one song. regionals were coming up and deceils academy was scrambling for something different, for something no one was expecting. nishimura riki, leader of the male dance team. and arguably the best dancer in the entire academy. well thats what everyone assumed until the dance team stumbled upon her. Ln yn, the star figure skater. and arguably the schools biggest loner. what better way to not only win regionals but to hopefully soften the cold leader then to submit them as a duo. seems pretty easy right? well not only do they have to dance as a duo, but blindfolded. two souls who’ve always had trouble trusting others now had to put complete trust in each other.

🤍🩵

their fifth life

now playing : a stars reunion

↳ “hell is right around the corner, but it’s heaven next to you”

the end of the world was approaching and like an avalanche they all fell down. it was just them left, their stairs creaked with the weight of their burdens. in the late nights of the apocalypse they only have each other and the stars, until they only have the stars. the monsters sounded from outside their hut, but when they’re together everything will be alright. even the end of the world couldn’t stop their love, until it did.

🤍🩵

their sixth life

now playing : true loves kiss is a fraud, isn’t it?

↳ “praying on a lucky star”

even though they’ve attended the same school since elementary they’ve never interacted with each other. they always got placesin different classes, and their friend groups couldn’t be anymore different. their timelines never entwined. but they doesn’t mean that it will always stay that way. sometimes the things you could grow to love the most could be right in front of you, or on the kiss cam above you.

🤍🩵

their seventh life

now playing : 4 5683 968, 4'6 76779

↳ “you think you can keep me?”

he shouldn’t be in love with his best friends brother, god it makes him sick. it makes him sick how obsessed he is, how he would do anything for the boy who makes him feel alive. he loves him so much, that’s why he has to do this. he tells himself that every morning while looking into the mirror, he tells himself that after avoiding him all day at school. he tells himself that after constantly breaking his heart. he loved him, but not enough to keep him. riki was selfish, and his reputation meant everything to him. but was his reputation worth losing the love of his life? he was too dumb, and too late. he already lost him, he was gone. riki never got to say goodbye, all that was left to prove their existence was the photos in riki’s private photo album and the voice memo left in his messages. “i love you, i’m sorry”. but riki didn’t know that love had different plans for him, he had a chance at love again.

🤍🩵

their eighth life

now playing : they couldn’t save you, but i will

↳ “i don’t want to live without you”

nishimura riki’s parents hated everyone, so why were they now sitting in a crowded venue with a video camera sat on his mother’s shoulder, and a huge bouquet of flowers clutched in his fathers arms? most importantly, why are they cheering and screaming this random girl’s name with huge, blinding, smiles on their usual stoic faces? riki grew up hearing his parents tell him to stay away from everyone who wasn’t like him, who wasn’t like them. riki kept a close friend group his whole life, only befriending the other kids in their mafia. it came to a shock to everyone when riki’s parents suddenly became extremely protective over a mysterious girl, a girl who they refuse to introduce to anyone for her safety. riki was curious about this person who his parents started talking up, about this girl who apparently was perfect for him. he was appalled, his stone cold parents trying to set him up with a girl? impossible. it was only a matter of time until their paths cross, and he too falls for her innocence.

🤍🩵

their ninth life

now playing : you’re prettiest with me

↳ “bang bang”

at first this hit was just like every other one, just another notch to add on your belt. everything was going smoothly, all you had to do was pull the trigger. as your finger tensed to prepare to pull the trigger your eyes suddenly connected, he was looking towards you. no, he was looking directly at you. and if life couldn’t get worse your soulmate mark suddenly started tingling, your vision gaining gold hues around the edges. his thoughts echoed across your head in the most pleasurable way, “what’s in your hands?”. and without a second to think you idiotically blurted out the first thing you could think of, “a gummy gun”. who would’ve though that his laughter would now be your favourite audio in the universe.

🤍🩵

their tenth life

now playing : when the world is silent you shine brighter

↳ “i’ve never felt so alive”

nishimura riki was obsessed. the way your smile gleamed brighter than the solar eclipse, your eyes pulling up in a beautiful array of stars pulled from the galaxy. everyone knew who you were, your title following you all throughout your highschool life. your title never bothered him, something he made very obvious since the beginning. he accidentally caught your eye one morning after bumping into you, and his actions that followed after. rather than spitting our a rushed feigned apology before rushing away, he confidently stood there with his hand in a fist against his chest. he watched as your eyes followed his wrist as it made a full circle, then watched as your mouth pulled up into the very smile that’s been running through his mind since he first saw you. however what you didn’t know was that everyday for the last year he’s been taking lessons to learn sign language for you, to finally talk with you.

🤍🩵 🤍🩵 🤍🩵 🤍🩵 🤍🩵 🤍🩵 🤍🩵

started : ??

ended : ??

wc ~10-15k each

warnings will be listed with the fic. some will be fem reader pov and others m reader pov.

falling alone ✩ l.hs [teaser]

✩ series m.list

✩ synopsis: cold cases were heeseung’s specialty, and he cracked every single one. cold hearts were your specialty, and you have yet to make a single chip in your husband’s.

✩ genre: established relationship au | hurt-comfort

✩ pairing: lieutenant!lhs x housewife!reader

✩ word count: 2k | [full fic: tbd]

✩ rating: 18+. minors dni.

✩ warnings: mentions of disappearances. some slightly suggestive themes between husband!hee & wife!reader (nothing explicit), uhhh that's it for now i think!

friday, 9:23pm.

"late night?"

your voice has always been a comfort to him.

the way you cooked dinner every night, the way you washed his hair for him, the way you laid in bed with him – it was all comforting. your soft eyes, eyes that had never seen an inch of a crime scene. your gentle hands, hands that would never cock a gun and aim to kill.

you were home to him, and he hated that he couldn't leave his work at the precinct. he always brought it with him, anywhere he went...anywhere you were.

"not really. caught a session with dr. bahng. i'm sorry about dinner." he loosens his tie, trying to ignore the way your eyes follow his fingers. he takes his wedding ring off for work – insisting it snags on the gloves when gathering evidence, that he never wanted to sully it with such grime. "how was your night?"

your sigh may be inward, but his eyes catch everything. every frustrated twitch of your brows, the way your nose crinkles at the half-assed apology. your eyes linger on the linoleum floor, and he fights the urge to pull you into his arms. he fights the urge to show any weakness to your feelings, because he can't let go of work. he has to be strong, he has to be coarse, he has to be cold.

"it was...fine." you wave him off, moving to take the full plates off the table. only then does heeseung notice that you're still in your jeans, your white top neatly tucked into them. your feet are clad in fresh socks, almost as if you were about to go out when he arrived. his eyes scan you as you move around, pulling his tie completely off and bunching it into his pocket. "are you going out with your friends?"

you don't reply as you scrape the cold food into the trash can, and he focuses on the sound of your bracelet lightly clinking with the handle of the fork. your shoulders sag, soft curls of your hair sweeping over your face as you move to place the dishes in the sink. he sighs, before his legs move him behind you. "why are you upset, honey?" "i'm not, i'm not upset." you scoff, turning the tap to hot when you feel heeseung's hands ghost over your waist. you knew better than to attempt to hide anything from him, especially with the way his brain was literally trained to analyze your every movement. his lips press softly to your cheek as his fingers untuck your top, "i know you better than that."

you're silent as his fingertips trace the soft skin of your stomach, his chin resting on your shoulder. he's going to wait until you decide you want to talk, despite knowing it will be the same argument you have every single week.

the same argument that always ends up unresolved as you kiss in your bed, sheets tangled between your bodies. it's enough to hold off on actually talking about it, it's enough to semi-satisfy the lack of attention you got from him during the week. it wasn't enough to feed his unvoiced, almost insatiable hunger for you, and how he wished he could just douse you in his love and affection until the sun rose. it wasn't nearly enough, because he'd still have to pry himself from the comfort of your warm embrace to step foot in the precinct and inhale the stench of evil in the world.

he felt awful, really. that he could never truly show you how much he loved you, how emotionally constipated his job made him...how his sessions with dr. bahng were no longer of much help. "leave work at work, lieutenant. you have the love of your life waiting for you at home." he had it memorized at this point.

"it's always the same thing, don't worry about it." you turn the tap off, feeling the guilt about wasting water seeping into your stomach. you weren't going to wash the dishes, you knew you weren't. you just wanted to lay down in bed with your husband, basking in the few minutes of attention he'd be able to give you before falling asleep. "baby."

you wince at the pet name, one so foreign on his lips. one you so rarely heard, long lost in your college memories. you grimace as you turn in his hold, his hands now resting on your hips. "don't baby me, heeseung."

"don't heeseung me, y/n. i know something is bothering you, and whether it's tonight, tomorrow, or next week – i'm not letting you go to bed like this." he looks at you through tousled locks, his eyes speaking for him. just talk to me.

you shake your head in subtle disbelief, attempting to push past him when he pins you against the counter gently. "let me go, heeseung."

"not until you tell me what's going on." his voice is harsh, one he also rarely uses with you. heeseung was always gentle, soft-spoken. "i've been at work all day, dealing with shit i can barely stomach. i just want to come home and spend time with you. what's wrong?" he's starting to whine, and it does nothing but make your heart ache and your eyes sting with tears.

"i just want to spend time with you, without having to beg for it." you breathe out, squeezing your eyes shut to avoid his gaze. "you remember everything, hee. i know you had to remember that tonight is date night." sighing, you peel your eyes open to a guilty husband watching you with his own tired ones.

"i'm sorry, honey. it really did slip my mind. let me...let me take a shower and we can go have a night on the town, okay?" he starts to walk away, fingers pulling at the buttons of his shirt when you clear your throat. "it's fine, heeseung. let's just go to bed." "no, let me fix this. we haven't had dinner, and we haven't spent time together in weeks." he slips his dress shirt off as he leaves your line of vision, and you just slump against the counter. he was right, and you hated that you knew he was. heeseung was always this way, though, shouldn't you be used to it by now?

yes, he was gentle and soft-spoken, with a touch of dirty humor and thoughtfulness that always made your heart race a little faster. your relationship was built on a lot of comfort and deep talks, ones that usually involved you unraveling yourself entirely just to get a taste of his own secrets. the two of you had met in college, about three days after the disappearance of his childhood best friend, cha soyoung.

heeseung was even more cold and stoic then, and wasn't interested in so much as even befriending you. he didn't really speak, which according to hs friends, was unnatural. they wound up being close friends of yours as well, thanks to park sunghoon. the seven of them also ended up working at the same precinct.

"heeseung talks...a lot. not as much as jay, but he's just going through a hard time right now." sunghoon had said as he sipped his drink, carefully chewing the tapioca pearls as the two of you walked. "it's not everyday your best friend of twenty years goes missing, you know?" you had shrugged, not really understanding what it was like. your parents had moved you around a lot as a kid, and it was hard to make friends until they finally settled when you got into your last year of high school. you had met sunghoon there, but only met the rest of your friends through him that following summer – except heeseung. he'd gone home with soyoung for the summer, returning to seoul for the fall semester at decelis university with her and your other friends. you still never spoke, until now.

you and sunghoon were swinging by his dorm to help pass out flyers.

"hey, hoon. y/n." heeseung spoke quietly as he opened the door, his eyes nearly swollen shut from crying for the past three days. your jaw dropped as you looked at his face, not at all recognizing the boy in front of you. sure, you'd only ever seen picures of heeseung but you knew enough to know that this...wasn't him. neither you nor sunghoon spoke as heeseung moved for the two of you to follow him, shutting the door behind you.

"how are you feeling?" sunghoon asked as he trashed his drink, your own now sweating on a coaster on heeseung's coffee table as the man gathered things around his dorm. you stood awkwardly as you swung your backpack onto the couch, opening it for heeseung to slide the flyers in when you saw him shake his head. "i don't feel much, actually."

sunghoon glanced at you, but your legs moved before you could think. you rounded the table to heeseung, who looked at your extended arms and empathetic eyes with cold ones. he'd set down the papers in his hands, fingers splayed across them momentarily before turning back ot you, awkwardly entering your embrace. your fingers easily found the nape of his neck, and his rigid form quickly softened as he breathed shakily into your shoulder.

"m'sorry." he mumbled as you felt a few tears soak through your shirt, and you just shook your head.

sunghoon also wound up wrapping his arms around the two of you. something about the way that heeseung's fingers clawed at your sides, and the way that he sobbed into your shoulder made you wonder how long he'd needed someone. someone to ease the knot in his stomach, someone to help him see that this was something that would be solved and everything would be okay again. someone to help him hop along until soyoung was found, and someone to leave when she inevitably took her place again.

that was six years ago.

you and heeseung began dating a year after that happened, a couple of months after the anniversary of soyoung's disappearance. the police stopped looking, ruling her case as a runaway. you and heeseung never stopped searching – you frequently asked cafe owners if you could pin missing posters on their corkboards, and even went door to door every few evenings asking if anyone had seen soyoung.

heeseung had made it to the side of the law, and often reviewed the case to see if he had missed anything. he never had – you had all hit a dead end. everyone's hope began to dwindle, but heeseung never let that sway him. he even asked the forensics department to make age-progression posters, and they did. you'd pinned those up, too.

he was strong willed, he was diligent, he was determined. you love heeseung, you love the person he is...

...but you hate that he can't leave his work at work. you hate that you get a crumb of his affection every few nights, whether it's his lips pressed against your cheek after dinner or his teeth nipping at your clavicle while hovering above you in bed. you hate that you find yourself longing for him even more than you did in college, despite now having him in the deepest way – as your husband, the person who loves you.

the man who shed a singular tear as he watched you walk down the aisle, the man who supported you when your career wasn't what you expected. the man who endlessly told you he loved you in ways that weren't so evident to the naked eye – like leaving the warm water for you and showering in the ice cold, leaving the last slice of cake for you. rubbing your feet while watching law and order with you on days he didn't work (read: on days you pried him out of the home office.)

heeseung loves you, you know that. you just can't shake the feeling that it won't be for much longer.

BABEYUN © 2024. no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.

taglist [those in red could not be tagged!]: @thesassy-mia @starfallia @ramenoil @hoonieversies @wintabite @shnnzsworld @eneiyri @jjongsha @ilovejungwonandhaechan @oopshee @capri-cuntz @thenastone @marimariiiiiiii

౨ৎ ROUGH PATCH

──── 𝗂𝗍 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗇’𝗍 𝗆𝗂𝗅𝖺’𝗌 𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗄.

2024 pairing. poly!ot7엔하 x fem!member oc cw. illness & injury, fan mobbing, claustrophobia, brief mention of suspected violence, not proofread req. mila hiding bruises from the boys. ❨ back to LIBRARY ?! ❩

IT WAS LIKE DEJA VU. Mila had foolishly that maybe she would be able to go one day without the feeling of being suffocated — without feeling like her head was held underwater and her hands were tied behind her back. She hadn’t learned her lesson: to never underestimate the power of her fans.

“Out of the way!” Mila’s manager held an arm around her shoulder, keeping her as close as possible to avoid the hands that reached out to her. And yet, it was fruitless — she could feel them on her clothes, on her hair, any part of her that they could touch. She jolted when one of them landed dangerously low on her back, and she resisted the urge to cry as another managed to grab her arm with a death grip, before her manager was able to pull her away.

There was no room to breathe. The parking lot felt no bigger than an elevator, with people crowding her and her staff in from all sides. A flash of a camera caused her to flinch, and the sounds of people screaming her name overlapped each other and became loud ringing in her ears. The heat of her body was not cooled by the perspiration that slid down the skin of her neck and face, but instead served to suffocate her more as it dampened her clothes. Her limbs felt like lead weighing her down and even breathing became difficult to do.

Mila could feel her eyelids start to drop. Her manager’s arm tightened around her as her legs became weak, threatening to buckle under her weight.

How ironic, she thought. She came to the doctor’s to get better, but it looked like doing so was only going to make her health worse.

“Move out of the way! Get away!”

Mila stumbled as fans pushed into each other, before tripping over each other’s limbs and falling to the asphalt. There was more screaming and flashing cameras, but at least this time Mila was able to see the company van through the mob, just a few feet away. She could make it. She just had to hold on a little bit longer.

But she could feel herself slipping away, black spots covering her vision, her breaths short and shallow. She could vaguely hear the sound of her manager was opening the door, covering her back as she stepped into the vehicle and telling her something. But she couldn’t quite make out the words, his voice muffled like she was underwater and water was filling her ears. It took everything in her just to make the step into the backseat, before she was collapsing onto the leather seat.

The last thing Mila saw before she let her eyes fall shut was the sight of flashing cameras, against the tinted windows, and the screams of her name.

By the time Mila woke up, it was to the sound of muffled voices and the feeling of someone softly caressing her hair.

“What did the doctor say?” came Kiara’s voice.

A sigh that Mila recognised as her manager’s followed his question. “She’s feeling weak from over exertion. She has a Vitamin C deficiency, which is why she’s alway getting tired recently…”

Heeseung exhaled deeply through his nose. “And what about those people who crowded her at the doctor’s building? What happened to them?”

There was a pause. “You know we can’t do anything about them.”

“What sort of bullsh—”

Mila chose that moment to let her eyes flutter open to see Jongseong’s gentle eyes as they regarded her awakened state. “Hi, Angel.”

Mila groaned, unable to form words. Before she could say anything, Jongseong was being nudged aside by Heeseung, who took his place by her bedside, eyes full of worry as his hand gently cradled her face. In another situation. “How are you feeling? Are you hurt anywhere?”

Mila furrowed her eyebrows. Ah, Mila thought. Right. She had been mobbed by a group of fans at her doctor’s appointment, which the public should have even been aware of. She took a second to gather her surroundings: she was in her room and lying in bed, meaning she must have been carried inside. She still felt heavy, but at least the migraine from when she was being surrounded by manic fans had subsided. She could acutely feel pain in her limbs, but she brushed it off as being a side effect of overexerting herself.

She shook her head, smiling gently at the older male. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

Heeseung sighed in relief, before bidding his head. “Okay. Then gets me sleep, okay? I’ll be here with Jongseong if you need anything.”

Mila hummed. But she couldn’t muster the strength to reply. It didn’t even take a second after she closed her eyes before she fell into darkness again. But even then, she could still recognise the voices of her boyfriends and her eonnie as they spoke to each other.

“I should have gone with her…”

“You couldn’t have known what was going to happen, Heeseung-ah. Don’t blame yourself.”

Mila wanted to agree, to reassure him and let him know that he wasn’t to blame — that Mila was simply having a bad day. But she couldn’t. She was already fading into deep slumber before she could utter a word.

Mila was alone when she opened her eyes again. But she couldn’t feel upset about it — not when pain shot up her limbs when she tried to sit up, an ache spreading through her body. She winced, clutching her side, only to flinch back when the pressure caused another age of pain to shoot up her body.

“What even?” Mila cursed as she lifted her top, only to spot a large purple bruise blooming across her ribs. Figures. Her Vitamin C deficiency would have made her vulnerable to bruising, and the fan mobbing from earlier was more than enough stimulus to cause injury — what, with all the limbs falling everywhere as she tried to make her way through the crowd, barely conscious.

She pulled up her pyjama sleeve. More bruises. She pulled up the leg of her pants — and of course, there were even more. And when she looked at the spots, she could still feel the phantom touches lingering on her — especially the ones that had gotten too close for comfort. It was like there wasn’t a single part of her body that remained unaffected by the wondering hands of total strangers that were doing everything in their power to get as close as physically possible.

And for what? What could they have possibly gained from it? (She shuddered to think about what would happen if there was someone there with evil intentions.)

Mila sighed. She thought she would have been more frustrated… But she couldn’t even find the strength to do so. All she could do was lie back down on her pillows, staring up at the ceiling as she pondered her situation.

It seemed like nothing was going her way these past few days. She had back to back promotions to attend to, including filming for a variety show and a radio talk show, followed immediately by an opening event, and then another photoshoot for her brand endorsements. She barely managed to make it through the past week, but now the exhaustion she felt from constantly working, day in and day out, caught up to her, and she found herself unable to even lift a spoon without faltering.

It was frustrating. Not being able to do what she usually did, feeling helpless as she watched her boyfriends run around and attempt to assist her with duties that she should have been able to do on her own. But it was even more annoying after today, hearing Heeseung blame himself for something that was never his fault.

She wished that she hadn’t gotten sick in the first place. She wished that she’d have been more resilient. But now she was causing everyone to worry about her, and she didn’t even want to think about what would happen if they found out about the bruises that were littered across her skin.

“Who is it?” Mila squinted her eyes. She woke up in the middle of the night when she felt another figure slip into her bed, before arms wrapped around her. She smiled when she realised who it was. “It’s just me.”

“It’s just me,” Riki whispered. “The hyungs said not to disturb you but I missed you.”

Mila hummed as she reached up and caressed the top of the younger male’s head, doing her best to make sure his arms didn’t come into contact with her bruises. It had been a while since she was able to cuddle, and she admitted that she missed the warmth that the tall boy provided.

“Are you doing okay?”

Mila nodded, biting back a wince when Riki hugged her closer to him. “I’m fine.”

But it wasn’t. Not really. And there was only so long before it became obvious.

“Yah, what’s this?” Mila was jolted out of her thoughts when a hand grabbed her wrist, pulling up the sleeve of her jumper to reveal spots of blue littered across the length of her pale skin. Sunghoon’s eyebrows furrowed, his eyes snapping to Mila’s for an explanation. “Where did this come from?”

Mila had been careful not to let anyone see the injuries that she discovered on herself, and she had thought she would at least be able to keep up the act until they faded. But as it happened, it hadn’t even been a day. And really, she should have expected as much — nothing escaped her boyfriend’s notice when it came to her. It only took her flinching slightly when Sunghoon gently squeezed her bicep before his eyes had narrowed in suspicion.

Mila opened her mouth to explain, not wanting him to worry, but instead, she ended up getting cut off by someone else.

“What’s wrong?” Jungwon peered over Sunghoon’s shoulder, before gasping, his eyes widening in shock. They scanned over her skin before landing on Mila’s face. Voice shaking, he asked, “Noona, what are these?”

“I just got them from bumping into people,” Mila said hurriedly, recognising the tone in his voice. “It’s nothing serious.”

“‘Nothing serious?’” Sunghoon repeated incredulously as he joined the others. By now, the others had crowded around Mila to get a look at what was happening, and all had been in shock to see the bruises on Mila’s arm, before it then shifted into worry… and perhaps, maybe even fear.

Heeseung had a stern expression. He lifted her arm slightly, though still careful not to pull too hard or for his fingers to accidentally apply pressure to the purple spots. “This doesn’t seem ‘serious’ to you?” His eyes bore into Mila with a desperation evident in his gaze, serving as a thin veil to his anger. (Not towards her, though — and that was honestly more worrisome.) “Answer me properly: who did this?”

Mila opened her mouth and closed it again. She didn’t sense any anger in his voice or his tone, instead all she could find was panic — and the look made something in her gut drop with guilt. She could briefly see Riki’s conflicted expression from where he stood behind Heeseung, and Sunoo looked as if he had seen a ghost.

She felt hands on her face, bringing her attention back to Jongseong. “Please,” he said, “don’t hide this from us.”

Mila sighed. “I don’t know… There were just too many people there, and I didn’t know who was who…” The boys were silent as the words sunk in. “But it wouldn’t have been this bad if it weren’t for my Vitamin C deficit. It wasn’t that anyone intentionally hurt me or anything… I just happen to bruise easily these days.”

There was a pause. For a second, Mila thought she was going to be scolded, but instead, she was pulled into a firm chest, as a large palm cradled the back of her head. Jaeyun was careful not to hold her too tightly, but still firmly enough that Mila was engulfed in his warmth. “Damn it, don’t scare us like that.”

Heeseung sighed, reaching up to hold a hand against his forehead. Jungwon glanced at him before looking back at Mila. “Next time, please don’t hide this from us,” he said with a frown. “I honestly thought my heart stopped for a second.”

Sunoo furrowed his eyebrows, his worried eyes skimming over Mila’s revealed skin. There weren’t any words to describe how much his heart hurt seeing Mila’s sickened state these past few days, but seeing those bruises had caused his heart to drop in his stomach in fear — a fear he recognised on the day they got the news of the mob who crowded her on her way back from her doctor’s appointment.

He wasn’t the only one, either. They had all reached a similar conclusion: What if someone really got their hands her that day? What if they hurt her? What if — goodness forbid — she had been alone that day and didn’t have anyone by her side? No bodyguards, no manager, no members… Just her against a mob of crazed “fans” who would do anything to be close to her, no matter the lengths they had to take?

For a second, Jongseong really thought he was going to lose all control of his sanity. He couldn’t even imagine Heeseung or Sunghoon’s feelings; just the news alone of the fan mob was enough to make them clench his fists in anger, as if ready to strike — but if something were to actually happen? If things turned out worse than they did?

Jongseong didn’t want to think about it.

“Still, how could it be this bad?” Sunoo asked. “You look like someone…”

It looked like someone had hit her. And that thought alone made him sick to the stomach, and his eyes sting with tear.

“I promise that wasn’t the case. Really. The worse that happened was someone grabbing onto my arm, but manager pulled me away before anything happened.” Mila raised her arms, and he fell into them immediately. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Don’t apologise.” Riki placed a hand on Mila’s head like he was too scared that she might break with the slightest touch. “We just want you to be okay.”

Mila nodded. She looked around at her boyfriends, a sense of heaviness in her chest. It hurt more seeing them this heartbroken, than it did to be bruised, and she really wished they never had to experience sadness in their lives. But it was only natural that these things happened. At the very least, they were together.

“Group hug?” Mila asked, opened her arms to the rest of them. They looked sceptical at first, clearly wondering over the severity of her injuries, but Mila reassured them with a smile. “I promise I’ll tell you if it hurts.”

That seems to ease their worries, because next thing Mila knew, she was being held in the centre of seven boys. She only wished Kiara was with them, to complete the Enhypen group huddle, but the older female was filling in for a schedule that Mila had to miss because of her illness. (She would have to inform the older girl later of what happened, if only to prevent her for panicking if she got the report from anyone else.)

“It won’t happen again,” Heeseung whispered into her ears. “I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you, okay?”

Mila smiled. “I know.”

“None of us will,” Sunghoon said. “That’s a promise.”

It was impossible for her to live as an idol, and to be safe. This was the first or last time she would find herself in a situation like this. But somehow, she felt like she could believe them when they said it with so much conviction. And if she could, she would do her best to protect them as well.

“We’ll look after each other,” she said. Just as they always did.

By the time they pulled away from the hug, she was already being ‘treated’, watching with a small smile as their young leader blew on her bruises, placing gentle kisses along them. “So they get better,” Jungwon said with a cute smile, and Mila felt her heart melt.

“Let me, too!” Riki said, before repeating the same actions. His hyungs simply chuckled, watching with fond smiles as their maknaes took turns playing nurse.

Mila couldn’t say that the past few days were good ones. But at times like this, things didn’t seem so bad after all.

✉️ NOTE. just a little mini chapter that came to mind… it was more of practice to get back into writing longer works, bc i’ve only done drabbles so far since recovering my account and i cooks had the training lol 😆 so please do excuse if the quality isn’t as good as usual 🥸

[JUNGWON] Happy Jjongday🔥🔥

Tumblr is my biggest opp im convinced, it hates me 😓

DIAAAA!! What do you think of an alternative ending, where Mila and Hwang Sejun ends up together and the members can’t do anything abt it?? And Mila and Sejun r genuinely in love?? Ngl I find Sejun n Mila cute tgt 😭😭

ngl this had me tempted lol like idk why sejun ended up just stealing the spotlight but understandable 👹 anyway!! don’t know for sure if i will do it, but i do have a deleted scene here for any sejunxmila fans out there ✨✨

ılı. 𝒩ow Playing . . . OLDER , Isabel larosa

────────𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗮 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝗻. 𝓯𝓽. hwang sejun 𝔁 mila bai ( 𝖮𝖭𝖤 𝖮𝖥 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖦𝖨𝖱𝖫𝖲 alt end. )

“You know, you could just move in with me.”

Mila was half awake at midnight, wearing nothing but one of Sejun’s dress shirts, and definitely not prepared for his proposition.

“It would save you the time of sneaking out and back into your dorms again,” he continued, brushing away a strand of hair from her face. “And it means I get to see you like this even more.”

Mila felt almost guilty that she even considered the offer. She loved her members too much to be away from them—but maybe that was the perfect reason she could offer to justify why it was a good idea. Seeing her thoughtful expression, Sejun smiled. He kissed her forehead gently (as if he didn’t leave hand-shaped bruises on her hips, or a trail of purple love bites on every inch of her skin the night before). 

“You’re getting soft,” Mila pointed out. He had always been somewhat gentle with her—when they weren’t in bed, anyways. But after two months of sneaking around beneath the noses of Dispatch and, in Mila’s case, her fellow members, she supposed that maybe he had grown a fondness for her after all.

“How can I not? Do you know how adorable you are?” he whispered, pecking her on the lips. A boyish grin made its way onto his face when she wrinkled her nose. Anyone would instantly forget that he was, in fact, seven years her senior and a notorious sex icon in the acting industry, whose name was involved in more scandal headlines than all of Enhypen combined. “My cute bunny.”

“Well, this bunny has to go hopping home,” Mila said with a petulant tone.

Sejun quirked an eyebrow. “Leaving already?” He caressed her thighs, stroking the soft skin with his thumb. “Why don’t you stay a little longer, hm? I’ll drive you home later.”

Mila didn’t know if that was a good idea. She had already been here longer than she intended, and if she let him have his way, she would be stumbling into the Enhypen dorms by the time everyone else was awake. But then, what did it matter if she did?

Sejun immediately knew when she had given in. “Good girl.”

Mila blamed her childhood, for the lack of praises from her absent father who left with barely a goodbye, for the way she easily succumbed to the praises of a man who would ruin her further than she already was. But, what could she say? He always knew how to get the best out of her.

cherry pits - psh (m)

this work contains smut - minors please do not interact

pairing. dad!sunghoon x fem!reader

synopsis. Your alarmingly empty bank account forces you to find a last-minute summer job so that you can afford a trip with your friends. The extremely handsome customer that comes into the store just happens to be a young single dad who's renovating the old house next to yours. The tension that settles between the two of you as you start helping him fix up his house soon becomes unbearable, but it's all one-sided anyway, right?

(Spoiler: wrong.)

genre. DILF AUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!, neighbors au, s2l, summer au, slight age gap (reader is 21 and hoon 26), reader is so down bad over sunghoon its actually crazy but also extremely relatable cause this is sunghoon we're talking about, fluff and smut, sex gets freakyyy ngl

word count. 12.9k

a/n. hey sisters had no time to write anything this week so i am coming back (everybody boos) with a repost yayyy!!! i actually love this story idkw i just find it fun so i hope you guys will enjoy rereading / reading it !!!! as always let me know ur thoughts.. even if they're just incomprehensible screaming (bad or good).. im happy w anything ok bye!!!

You’ve always wondered about the ratio of cherry to pit. Such a big pit for so little flesh, isn’t it? Yet that’s never stopped you from biting into the small fruit, eating what you could and spitting out the unwanted part. You actually rather enjoy this whole process. Bite, eat, spit. You could repeat this with huge bowls of cherries at a time until they upset your stomach and you had to stop for your own good.

Bite, eat, spit is exactly what you’re doing when, with a trembling finger, you finally brave to open your banking app and check your balance. It’s the beginning of summer, and after two semesters of intense studying and too-much-coffee drinking, you think you deserve three long months of doing nothing but hanging out in your childhood bedroom and eating the food your parents buy and make. You’re especially looking forward to the vacation in Mexico you have planned with your friends at the end of August.

One look at your bank account and your dreams of white beaches and seas so blue you couldn’t tell them apart from the sky shatter around you, the sad, low numbers on the screen sneering at you mockingly. You were sure you had saved enough money from part-time jobs and generous relatives, but now you regret all of those night-outs and lazy takeaways. If you had cut down on those, maybe you wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of finding a summer job at the last minute, which you would definitely have to do if you wanted to eat something on that dear beach of yours and not just starve to death under the glaring sun.

That was it - tomorrow, you’d go and get a job. Today, however, you’d enjoy your last day of respite and eat some more cherries, or maybe make some jam and a pie so your parents wouldn’t chide you for eating them all, and then go pick some more from the three trees in your backyard. You’d sit outside, enjoying the warmth of the sun while you read or, if you couldn’t be asked, while you listened to the bustle of the old and worn-down house next door being renovated. You’re surprised someone had the courage to buy it and give it a new life, but you assume that’s the kind of courage that comes with having time and money. 

Yesterday night, you’d heard a little girl playing outside until her mom called her in saying it was time to go, so you made up a story of your neighbors being newlyweds that had decided they’d had enough of the city and wanted to raise their daughter in a calmer town far from busy streets and loud honks. You could bring them some cherries, maybe in jam or pie form, as a housewarming gift.

Unfortunately, the day passed and you were too busy doing nothing to actually get around to baking, so you decided to do nothing some more and then go to bed, needing rest before your big job hunt.

You’d gravely overestimated the amount of job opportunities in your small hometown, only receiving apologetic looks from the store owners as they tell you they don’t need any help, or worse, already have someone. Damn those 16-year-olds who only get summer jobs so they can blow their whole pay in a couple weeks before school starts again. You, on the other hand, need that money for important things, like sipping on a cocktail at a bar with a seaview.

The local hardware store next to the train station is your saving grace. It looks quite small from the outside, but once you step inside, rows of lamps and mirrors in all shapes and sizes along with all kinds of household needs welcome you, followed by a section for gardening and pet caretaking. The basement is where all the paints and brushes were, as well as the more technical (technical to you, at least) products, like bolts and tools or kitchen and bathroom appliances.

A lot of people undertake renovations in their homes during their free time in the summer, so it’s important for the store to have their experts helping out customers in their dedicated aisles rather than working behind the till and restocking the shelves, which is what you will be doing for the next two months. The pay is slightly above minimum wage and with twenty-one hours of work a week, you’ll earn more than enough to enjoy your vacation. You start tomorrow.

Your co-workers are happy to welcome a new face into their team. They’re nice even if they have the tendency to drone on about different types of tools and the importance of choosing the right brush for the surface you’re painting, which you don’t particularly care about, but you think you might as well learn as much as you can during your time here; it might always come in handy later.

As you expected, it isn’t the most stimulating job ever, but you aren’t bored out of your mind either. You make small talk with customers as they explain their purchases, some more defensively than others, even if you didn’t ask. You make sure to restock the shelves correctly and sometimes ask for help when you feel your arms giving out after hours of carrying heavy stuff. When no one’s in, you like to rearrange the cute bathroom decorations so that they make a little rainbow of toothbrush and soap holders.

You were daydreaming about what you would do with your friends in Mexico and all the cherries you could eat there when a man so handsome you thought he was a part of your dream walks in. He doesn’t notice (or maybe he just ignores it, you’re not sure) your gawking and smiles at you, saying “hello” before turning his attention to the map which details where everything is stored at the entrance of the shop. You manage a small “h-hello” back that probably doesn’t even reach his ears, and you curse yourself for doing a poor job of greeting a customer just because said customer looks like he’s been pushed from the heavens above onto this unworthy earth by the other angels who were jealous of his beauty. 

You stay put behind the counter the whole time he’s there to avoid the potential embarrassment of running into him in a random aisle and making a fool of yourself. There isn’t much to do anyway, so you rearrange the organic protein bars and chewing-gum at the counter and count all the money in the cash register to distract yourself. He doesn’t spend a very long time browsing and after twenty minutes, you see him approach with a cart full of the biggest cans of paint the store offers. It’s mostly white paint, but there are some browns and grays, and one of pink as well.

You thank God for those twenty minutes because they allowed you to get a hold of yourself so that you didn’t gape at him like a dead fish instead of scanning his articles, which is what you are very professionally and expertly doing. “That’s a lot of paint,” you comment lightheartedly, partly just to prove to yourself that you can also speak in front of this man.

“I know,” he chuckles, and it seems unfair that his voice should be just as attractive as his face. “The previous owners of the house I just bought had terrible taste in wallpaper and wall colors, so I have to repaint basically the whole house. Everything has to go, really. The floors, the furniture, the lights.”

“Sounds like you’re going to have a busy summer. That’ll be $132.76, please.”

“I’ll pay by card,” he says as he brings his wallet out from his back pocket and inserts his card into the reader, which allows you to look freely at his tanned arms and the veins that protrude here and there. He can’t be older than thirty, so there’s probably not that much of an age difference between the two of you, but damn does he look more mature in the sexiest way possible than all of the male college students you’re used to seeing on a daily basis. If anything, he reminds you of the hot young Linguistics professor your whole department likes to drool over. 

The beep of the payment being accepted snaps you out of your daze. “And yeah, it’ll sure be a busy summer. I’ll need a lot of stuff from here, so you might have to get used to seeing me around,” he says with a smile that makes your heart skip a beat. There’s no way this walking Greek god of a man is actually flirting with you, but the glint in his eyes tells you it wasn’t just an off-hand comment.

“I could get used to that,” you surprise yourself by replying confidently, your smile mirroring his as pretty dimples appear on each side of his face.

You hand him the receipt and notice his eyes flickering down to your name tag before trapping yours in his gaze once again. You don’t think you ever want to look away. “I’ll see you around, Y/N,” he says and walks out with his cart and his tons of paint before you can say anything, lest ask his name, except for “see you.”

You take a deep breath in and another out when he’s out of sight, trying to calm your racing heart. You can’t wait to rave to the girls’ group chat about this, but one of your coworkers calls you for help and you have to put the handsome stranger to the back of your mind for a while.

—

That weekend, your parents ask you to do something about the cherries slowly starting to spoil in the fridge, so you put on your headphones and listen to an audiobook for entertainment, then get to pitting. It feels wrong to listen to The Kiss Quotient and its many smut scenes when your parents are coming and going out of the room, but what they don’t know won’t kill them; you just try to keep your reactions to a minimum during the extra spicy scenes.

Pitting cherries is an arduous task that always takes longer than you think it will, but you never complain about it. You’ve found the perfect technique of cutting them in half around the pit, turning the small fruit without squeezing it, extracting the stone and making sure it doesn’t get confused and end up in the bowl with the pitted cherries, all without tiring your wrists after ten minutes. A surprise pit in a cherry pie can add to the charm of a homemade dessert, but you’d rather not have to spit out five of them while trying to eat one slice.

You prepare a crumbly dough to make two classic American-style pies and fill four jars with cherry jam that you cook while the doughs rest. It’s almost offensive how small the cherries become as they cook, the amount that fills those four jars having filled eight before, but you decide there’s no reason to take it personally since the cherries don’t do it on purpose, and put the jars away to cool down. You roll out the first rested dough and despair for a bit when it keeps on falling apart, but it just makes it more satisfying once you have it perfectly thinly rolled out and covering the tin. The second one is a bit nicer to you and you only have to try rolling it out twice. 

Two hours later, as the sun finally starts to relent and a cooler breeze flows through the air, the pies are all baked, cooled and ready to be eaten. You leave one for you and your parents to enjoy later, then head over to the next house to greet your new neighbors with the other pie. You knock and wait for a good thirty seconds before getting any sort of response, making you think no one’s in.

“Y/N?” a semi-familiar voice calls out, and your head whips in its direction. If this were a cartoon or a 2012 teen show, you’d probably drop the pie tin, but thankfully, your hands aren’t that sweaty, and the shock of the man from the other day at the store being your neighbor isn’t that great, because of course, of course he’s your neighbor. You’re Y/N, after all; the almighty gods above would never let you have a boring, uneventful summer. Of course the hot new man in town is your neighbor.

“Oh! Hi! Guess we’re neighbors. Ha,” you say with a clumsy smile, holding the tin over your forearm as your other hand shields your eyes from the sunlight so you can look at him without squinting your eyes.

“Neighbors?” he repeats as he joins you on the front porch, taking off his gloves dirtied by the mud and using the back of his hand to wipe off some sweat from his forehead. The sweat makes his hair stick to his face and there are small beads of it falling from his hairline down onto his white t-shirt. You detect the slightest of stubbles on his chin and upper lip, probably from not having shaved for just a day or two. He’s even tanner than when you saw him a few days ago, and his thick eyebrows form a straight line as he frowns in what you guess is tiredness and perhaps confusion from seeing you in regular clothes and holding a pie tin on his porch. For a second, you’re scared he might think you’re some kind of stalker, but you nod and tilt your head towards your house. 

“Yep. That one just over there behind you.”

He turns his upper body to take a look at your house and nods slowly as he turns back around, gaze finding yours again like the other day at the store. You have no idea who this man is - hell, you don’t even know his name - but good lord are you attracted to him, especially when he gives you that unreadable smile that shows off his dimples. 

“Huh. What a coincidence,” he says, and that could mean anything in the world, but you hope he means it in a good way. “I’m Sunghoon, by the way.” he adds, extending his hand for you to take, which you do, and the simple action of shaking his hand without eye contact ever breaking is enough to send shivers down your spine. Hopefully, this goes unnoticed by this Sunghoon.

A walking wet dream. That’s what this man is. He’s walked right out of your deepest Wattpad-induced fantasies and into the house next door. Probably doesn’t help that you’d been listening to literary porn just fifteen minutes prior. 

“Is that pie?” he asks as he releases your hand.

“It is, cherry pie I made myself with cherries from our backyard. A housewarming gift, if you will. Here,” you reply, offering him the tin.

He takes it from your hands, the tips of his fingers slightly grazing yours, on purpose or not, you’re not sure. He lifts some of the aluminum covering the pie and peeks underneath, then hums appreciatively. “Thanks, it looks really good. I’ve been living off of ready-meals and casseroles from the neighbors, so this’ll be really nice.”

“Well we’ve got tons of cherries, so feel free to ask whenever you want some,” you offer, and he nods. A small silence settles between the two of you and you’re about to excuse yourself so it doesn’t get awkward when he invites you in, asking if you’d like to have a piece with him.

“If you want to, I mean. I was gonna take a break anyway,” he says somewhat coyly, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. You’re surprised to see him being anything else other than confident and self-assured, but it only makes him look cuter in your eyes.

“Sure,” you accept with a smile, letting him lead you inside the house.

“Sorry, it smells like paint all over the house. That’s why I was outside, doing some gardening while I aired the house out,” he explains. “Let me just get some plates and a knife out. And something for us to drink. Do you want to drink something? I’ve got water, or some iced tea or lemonade. The grandma across the street made some for me,” he says all at once, and you suppress a giggle at his sudden nervous behavior.

“Sunghoon?”

“Yeah?” he responds almost immediately, turning to you just as you both reach the kitchen.

“Just water is fine.”

A shy smile makes his dimples appear once again as he nods. “Okay, sounds good.” You help him carry everything to the back porch and set down the glasses and a jug of water on a table with two chairs around it.

“The porches are the only parts I won’t have to fix up too much, for some reason.”

“You’re going to redo the whole house yourself?” you ask, surprised, as you pour two glasses of water and he serves you a slice of cherry pie (“there might be some stray cherry pits, so be careful,” you warn as he sets a slice on his plate).

“A lot of it, yeah, but I’ve also got some people to help out. My dad’s a carpenter so I know my way around these things, but I also know it’s better and faster to have more than one man on the job, so some guys he works with come a couple times a week.”

“Yeah, with the state this house is in, you’d need more than a summer if you did everything yourself,” you comment, and he chuckles, agreeing. “My friends and I used to make stories about how this place is haunted, you know,” you say jokingly.

“Please don’t jinx my house from the get-go,” he says, making you laugh.

“Sorry, sorry. It’ll be nice seeing it all fixed-up, actually.”

“Have you lived here long?” he asks, looking at you thoughtfully as he takes another bite of the pie. “This is really good, by the way.”

“Thanks. And yeah, my whole life. I go away when semester starts but come back for the holidays and the summer.”

“So you're a student?”

“Yeah, just at the state university a few hours away. Not too far away that it’s a hassle traveling back, but not too close that I go home every weekend. What about you, what do you do?”

You wait for his answer while he swallows his mouthful and take another bite yourself. “I teach,” he starts as he dabs the corners of his lips with a napkin. “Fifth graders, on the other side of town. I used to live in a small apartment near the school I work at but it’s nicer, having more space. I saved enough money to buy this house and fix it up, so here I am now,” he says, gesturing to the house and the garden with his arms. 

You notice his use of the first person pronoun when he talks about where he used to live and his house now, which makes you wonder if it’s just him, even though you were sure you heard a woman and a young girl’s voices the other day. Surely, if he wasn’t single, he wouldn’t have invited you in or given you flirtatious looks, right? Or were you reading totally wrong into this and he was just an exceptionally friendly person?

You put these questions to the side and continue chatting with Sunghoon, letting the subject of his marital status come up on its own during your conversation. And indeed, you get your answer when he tells you about the different parts of the house he plans on having, one of them being a bedroom for his daughter.

“Oh, so you have a daughter? How old is she?” you ask as you take a sip of water, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. Considering his age, you expect that his child will be one, two years old max, so his answer makes you almost choke on your drink.

“She’s turning eight this summer.”

“Eight?” you repeat as you set your glass down, looking at him wide-eyed. So much for nonchalance. “But you’re so-”

“Young? Yeah, I know,” he interrupts with a knowing smile, probably used to this kind of reaction. “I’m 26,” he adds, then watches as you do the simple math in your head. When you turn to him with a surprised look, he answers your question before you’ve even asked it. “Yep, I had her when I was 18.”

“Wow,” is all you can say. “Can I ask what happened?”

“Sure. I mean, it’s nothing extraordinary or anything. I was in my last year of high school, and I got my girlfriend at the time pregnant. We’d only been dating four months but her parents wouldn’t let her get an abortion. They’re really religious. They took care of our baby, with the help of my parents, while I went to community college and she retook senior year since she had to drop out halfway through the year. No, we’re not together anymore, if you’re wondering,” he says, catching you off guard, as if he’d read your thoughts. 

He chuckles before sighing and continues. “If none of this had happened, we’d probably have broken up before going off to college and proceeded to forget about each other. We started out living with her parents, then got that small apartment I told you about when she found a job. We’re not on bad terms by any means, but we’ve just not been in love since Chaeryeong turned 2, probably. We’ve been more roommates than a couple for the past six years. And you know, we kept on living together for Chaer mainly, but she’s found a new boyfriend and I wanted to have my own place. Which has led me here.”

You nod slowly, letting the whole story sink in. “You’re both handling this situation really maturely, it sounds like. I’ve heard of so many teenage parents fighting all the time and not taking care of their kids properly.”

“She’s already got a weird parental situation, it’s the least we can do for her to behave like adults, you know.”

“Right, of course,” you say, nodding again. Your hot new neighbor was actually a DILF, you realized a bit inappropriately, perhaps. Cherry on top.

He tells you a bit more about his daughter and you keep talking until your dad calls you, asking you why you’re not home at dinner time, and you only notice then how long you’ve been sitting there with Sunghoon, just talking. You tell him you feel bad for taking up so much of his time but he shakes your apologies off.

“It was my pleasure, really. And thanks again for the pie, I think Chaer will love it.”

He walks you to the front door and calls out your name after you’ve waved goodbye and started walking. You didn’t know you had been expecting him to do anything until you heard the hopeful tone in your own voice. “Yeah?”

“You any good with kids?” he asks, leaning against the doorway with crossed arms and a smirk that makes your heart flutter.

Although you’ve only got one older brother, you have younger cousins as well as older ones that have babies of their own, so you’re not a complete stranger to kids, but more importantly, you like them. They have the world to learn, but they say surprisingly smart things and have really cute faces.

“I’d say that I am, yeah,” you reply, a smile growing on your face, mirroring his expression.

“Good,” he says, and pauses a second for good measure. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you later, Sunghoon,” you say as you turn back and head to your house, letting him enjoy the view of you walking away. 

On the short way home, you realize that you completely have the hots for your neighbor, although you probably knew that before. Is it twisted that you like him more now that you know he’s got a kid? Probably a little bit, but you’re not going to fight it. He’s single, after all. And not even thirty. A five-year gap isn’t unheard of. 

Your parents ask you where you’ve been as you set the table and get ready for dinner. “Just over at our new neighbor’s house to give him some pie and say hi,” you say as you toss the salad in its bowl, spreading the dressing evenly. 

“Ooh, the neighbor,” your mother echoes knowingly, wiggling her eyebrows, and steals a leaf of lettuce when it falls from the bowl because of your vigorous tossing. “We should have him over at some point, welcome him into the neighborhood. I’ve seen him a bit, you know. Out painting on his front porch or when he was in his garden the same time as me. He’s a very attractive young man,” she says, lowering her voice so your dad doesn’t hear even though he’s outside grilling the meat. “Do you know how old he is? Looks a bit young for a homeowner to me, but who knows what young people are up to these days.

“He’s twenty-six, and he’s saved a lot of money. Plus, I don’t think that house was very expensive. From what he’s told me, the renovations will basically cost as much as the house itself. He’s also got a kid.”

“Aw, must be a cute baby,” she says as your father walks in, carrying a tray of steaming barbecued steaks and potatoes.

“She’s eight,” you say bluntly, causing them both to look at you with wide eyes.

“Oh, right, then. Happens,” your mother says, bringing her glass of water to her lips and taking a sip from it. “Is he still with the mother?”

“They broke up a while ago, but they’re on good terms,” you say, and your mom nods slowly at the information.

“So, he’s single, huh?” she says, trying to hide her smile, earning herself a groan from your dad and a chuckle from you. 

“C’mon, mom!”

“What? You can’t deny that he’s attractive, and he’s single. Plus, you two must get along well if you spent a couple hours talking. Sure, he’s got a kid, but you love those, don’t you?”

“Mom, you of all people would know kids aren’t pets. Dating someone with an eight-year-old isn’t the same as dating someone with a cat.

“No one’s asking you to be that girl’s mom,” she says, dishing out some meat for the three of you. “I’d go get that man, if I were you.”

Your dad shakes his head and you eat your food as you listen to them bickering with a smile. You think about what your mother said - should you go and get Sunghoon? Your heart says yes, but your brain is a bit more reluctant. Another part of your body, lower down there, is screaming ‘yes’ at you.

He does live right by, after all.

That night, you FaceTime your roommate and best friend from college and bring her up to date about ‘the hot man from the store the other day.’ She paints her toenails but listens intently as she always does when you talk about boys, humming and chuckling here and there.

“God, Y/N, I didn’t know you had daddy issues, of all things.”

You gasp fake-dramatically. “Excuse me, I do not! I was attracted to him before I knew he was a dad, I’ll let you know.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let me know when you guys actually hook up, I’m curious whether older men are actually better,” she says, making you scoff.

“I hope he is. I’m very much tired of those boys that don’t know where the clit is and use too much tongue.”

“You know, when I complain to my mom about guys, she always tells me to wait it out a few years. She says they get more mature and, well, she didn’t say that outright, but she very heavily implied that the sex is much, much better. Kinda gross hearing it from her, but it’s good information.”

You hum. “Well, he’s not that much older… But let’s hope that it still makes a difference,” you say, and then move on to another topic. 

—

One thing that eating cherries has taught you is that if you want to enjoy eating the sweet flesh, you’ll need to deal with the pit as well. Ever the grand philosopher, you realized soon enough that this was applicable to real life and not just your favorite fruit. Wanna get a good grade on your test? Gotta study for it. Wanna go on holiday to Mexico? Gotta find a summer job and earn money.

Wanna make your way to Sunghoon’s bed? Gotta seduce him.

Over the following days, you stand behind the counter at the hardware store, elbow perched on the hard surface, head resting on your palm and vision fuzzy as you daydream about your next encounter with Sunghoon. More often than not, a customer will clear their throat to awkwardly let you know of their presence and you’ll have to exchange your imagined dialogue with Sunghoon for a quick apology and some pleasantries; more often than not, a coworker will call out your name for some help just as you get to the juicy part of your reverie. In those moments, you always feel like you’ve been caught red-handed watching softcore porn, even if no one knows the last thing about what goes on in your head, nor do they care. 

Much like the first time he walked into the store, when he does again on a Thursday morning, you think your daydreams have just gone too far and you’re now hallucinating. But, lo and behold, this is the true Park Sunghoon in the flesh, and he smiles and waves at you as he strides in before disappearing behind one of the many aisles.

You spend the next fifteen minutes going over witty conversation starters that will surely make him fall for you, only for you to stutter out a “h-hi, Sunghoon,” when he finally reaches the counter.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he jokes, and you laugh a bit too hard for a comment that isn’t that funny.

“How are the renovations going?” you ask as you scan his articles - some more paint and brushes, lots of tile glue, a bunch of nails and two different sizes of turnscrews. He frowns in concentration at the snacks next to the counter until he caves in and gets a chocolate protein bar that’s more sugar than protein. 

“Pretty okay,” he starts. “I’m in a bit of a rush, cause Chaer is already coming in two weeks and I need to have finished at least the interior by that time. My dad’s friends helped me get the roof done, so that’s good, but now they’re all busy with other sites so it's just me. Right now I’m redoing the tiles in the bathrooms. You need so much damn glue,” he says with a chuckle.

You think for a second, then timidly offer, “I could help out, you know. If you needed me to.” 

He looks at you with raised eyebrows, halfway through getting his card out of his wallet. “Really?”

“I mean, I don’t have much experience with this kinda stuff, but I’ve picked up a few things here and there from working here. If it saves you time, I could do the easy things. This job isn’t particularly physically demanding so I’ve still got energy at the end of the day. That’s $78.96, please.”

A small smile appears on his face as he inserts his card into the reader. He punches in his code and then returns your gaze. “That could be nice, actually.”

And that’s how you find yourself over at Sunghoon’s house in denim shorts and your dad’s old t-shirts almost everyday for the next two weeks, helping him fix up the old two-storey home. He measures out the perfect length for wood planks or marble tiles that you assist him in fastening to the floors of different rooms and he fixes holes in walls that you paint over afterwards. Sometimes on your breaks, you share a bowl of cherries that you brought from your garden. (One morning, you tried to make cherry juice out of them, but when after almost two hours of pitting the liquid barely filled a glass, you decided that it was too much effort and that you’d keep on just eating them and baking the occasional pie.) You asked him to tell you what each of the rooms upstairs would be and you realized that the window of his room faced yours directly. The blinds were down as they had always been, so you hadn’t known what the room would be.

“I’ve been sleeping on the couch since I haven’t gotten around to fixing up this room yet. Guess I should get to it, though,” he says, giving you a look that blurs the meaning of his words so that you’re not sure what he’s implying, which happens a bit too often with Sunghoon.

And you’d think that spending the better part of two weeks with the current man of your dreams would be amazing, right? 

Wrong. It’s unbearable.

Maybe that’s exaggerating it - it’s mostly fun, and sometimes unbearable. Usually, you’re an avid fan of sexual tension, especially with attractive men like Sunghoon. Lingering gazes, eye contacts when there shouldn’t be any, remarks with a deeper meaning that they let on, barely-there touches on the back of your hand or on your waist that manage to take your breath away. These are all very fine things that keep your heart bouncing and a blush on your cheeks, but they are supposed to amount to something more in the end. Maybe you’re impatient, but after two weeks of sending sex through your eyes to Sunghoon, you get the feeling that he doesn’t reciprocate your desire. One afternoon, you’d made sure to go and sunbathe in your bikini at the exact moment he was doing some work outside, and even then, he merely gave your body a one-over and disappeared a few minutes later inside his house. When he came back about ten minutes later, he could still barely look at you.

At the same time, there’s no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing when he stands close behind you, letting you feel the warmth of his chest against your back, big, rough hands enveloping yours as he demonstrates how to cut a plank of wood with the machine. There’s no way the way he smirks when the action turns you into a stammering mess is innocent, either.

Yet nothing happens. The tension is thick enough to be cut with a knife, but maybe Sunghoon hasn’t bought cutlery yet. The air is already heavy from the heat and the relentlessness of the sun, but this thing between you and him makes it almost suffocating, in somehow the best yet worst way possible. You’re this close to simply throwing your naked body at him, and it doesn’t help that you see his flexing, working muscles and beads of sweat on his hairline everyday. On the days he wears shorts, which is most days, all you can think of is getting off on his thick thighs, of his hands holding you tightly by the waist, of the way he’d look at you, eyes clouded over, of the words he’d whisper in your-

Your phone buzzes, interrupting you in your horny downward spiral. It’s your dear mother telling you to come home for dinner. As you pick up your phone, a second buzz. Ask Sunghoon if he wants to eat with us. 

You find him in his bedroom, adding the last touches to the walls. “I think I’ll be able to sleep here starting tomorrow night. I just need to go buy a bed,” he says when he sees your figure standing in the doorway.

“We can go together if you want,” you blurt before you can stop yourself. Hoping it’ll make you seem less weird, you add, “I’ve got really good taste in furniture.”

“Is that so?” he questions, turning to you with a smile. “I’d appreciate the second pair of eyes, actually. There’s a lot of things I need to get.”

“Yeah, I didn’t wanna comment on it, but I think you’ll end up needing more than a couch, a plastic dining table and two chairs,” you tease, making him roll his eyes lightheartedly. “We can go to that huge second-hand store they have just outside of town. You’ll be surprised how good - and cheap - the furniture is there.”

“Sounds good,” he nods, and checks his watch. “Are you going home?”

“I am. My mom’s invited you over for dinner, if you’d like,” you say, tilting your head at him.

He raises his eyebrows in delighted surprise. “I’d love to. Just need to shower first.”

“That’s fine. I’ll go home, just come over whenever you’re ready.” You exchange quick see you laters and you head home, taking a shower yourself and making sure to use your best-smelling body lotion.

Sunghoon arrives half an hour later with a bouquet of roses in his hands and an award-winning smile on his face. You let him in and he greets your parents, offering your mother the bouquet. “Sorry I took so much time getting here, I wanted to pick these out as a thank you.”

You can tell your mother is pleased to the heavens as she waves him off, leading him inside your house. “That’s awfully nice of you, Mr Park-”

“Call me Sunghoon, please,” he says with a warm smile.

“Right, Sunghoon. And no worries, you’re just on time. Please, sit.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Oh, no, you’re working all day fixing up that house, just sit and relax. We’re very happy to have you over, aren’t we?” your mother says, sending a very obvious smile your way, which makes you furrow your eyebrows and shake your head lightly at her, silently telling her to shut up. Sunghoon chuckles at the exchange but says nothing and you want to bury yourself and your mother ten feet underground.

Sunghoon sits across from you at the dinner table, which allows you to stare unabashedly at him as he works his charm on your parents. He’s the neighbor, so technically, he’s not a boyfriend you brought home to meet them, but still, you can’t help but compare him to those few boys that you did bring home. None of them were a disaster, but none of them went as smoothly as this, either. There were always some awkward silences and dry chuckles with your past boyfriends, but Sunghoon clearly knows how to make parents happy. Maybe because he lived with his ex’s parents for so long, or maybe because he’s a parent himself. Either way, it only adds to your desire to take all of his clothes and let him rail you into next week. Too bad he clearly doesn’t feel the same way, you remind yourself with an audible sigh, which makes him look curiously at you, but you brush it off with a smile.

You watch as he accepts a beer, compliments the food and the house, talks football with your dad, accepts another beer, and shares teaching anecdotes with your mom, who herself is an elementary school teacher. You jump in every now and then when you have something witty to add or someone asks your opinion on something, but most of the time, you sit back and enjoy, happy that everything is going well. 

You bring out your infamous cherry pie that you’d baked the previous day along with some vanilla ice cream for dessert, and smile when Sunghoon tells you how much he’d been waiting to have some of it again, trying not to blush as his gaze stays focused on yours for a second too long. Thankfully, your parents don’t notice, too busy cutting themselves a slice. 

He stays for another hour or so, until the sun has set and the streetlamps and the moonlight are the only things keeping the world visible. Your mom forces him to accept tupperwares full of leftovers from the night and makes him promise to come back with his daughter. Sneakily, she tells you to help him carry the tupperwares home even though he’s more than able to do it himself, then hugs him goodbye, hurrying you out of the door.

Sunghoon hasn’t yet changed the lightbulbs to more efficient ones, so his kitchen bathes in the faint glow of the overhead lighting as you put away the leftovers in his fridge. He stands a bit to your right close behind you, closer than needed to simply hand you the tupperwares he was holding. When everything is stored, you turn around, but you’re trapped between his body and his arm that holds the fridge door open. With his free hand, he takes you by the waist and pulls you gently towards him. “Careful,” he says so quietly, it’s almost a whisper, and closes the fridge door behind you. 

He’s never been this forward with you, and even though you’ve fantasized many times about this exact moment, now that it’s really happening, you don’t know what to do except to search for an explanation in his eyes. His eyes that are looking right into yours and are a bit clouded over, from the alcohol or the proximity between the two of you or both, you don’t know, but that also have the twinkle of a smile in them. 

His lips are close enough to kiss, you think, and as if on cue, his gaze drifts down to your slightly parted lips. “You’re very pretty, Y/N,” he says, before sealing your lips with his own. You respond immediately to his kiss - you’ve thought too much about it to stand there and do nothing - but it’s all so slow and so soft that you’re not sure if it’s actually happening, so dreamlike it all feels.

You’re called back to reality when his other hand finds your waist, your own hands coming up to his shoulders before one of them snakes its way to the nape of his neck, tugging lightly at his hair. This seems to change something in Sunghoon, who all of a sudden tightens his hold on your waist, his arms wrapping around it to bring you closer to him. His kiss gets faster and deeper too, and, to your surprise but not your distaste, a bit desperate. You’re happy if you have on him half of the power he has on you. You taste sweet vanilla ice cream and tangy beer on his tongue, and it’s not at all unpleasant. It makes you want to eat cherries together so you can then taste them in his kiss. 

A lustful sigh escapes your lips and then the warmth disappears all at once. Sunghoon looks at you like you just woke him up from a deep slumber and takes a step back away from you. You call out for him worriedly and the sound of his name seems to make him think he did something terribly wrong.

“I-I’m sorry, Y/N, I don’t know what came over me. We shouldn’t do this, it’s not- I shouldn’t have done that,” he sighs, looking defeatedly at the ground.

“Why?” you ask quietly, almost inaudible.

“You should go home,” he snaps, then closes his eyes as if in pain, cringing at his harsh tone. “I’m sorry. I think you should go home, it’s getting late,” he repeats, softer this time, but the words still sting.

“O-okay,” you say to the floor, already feeling tears well up in your eyes. You feel like you just got rejected by your high school crush, and the humiliation makes you want to crawl into a hole and die. 

Sunghoon sighs again. “I’ll let you know tomorrow about the furniture shopping, yeah? Chaeryeong is coming in the morning so we can go with her.”

“O-okay,” you repeat, surprised he still wants to do that with you. “Good night, Sunghoon,” you say without looking at him and scurry out of his house.

“Good night, Y/N,” Sunghoon answers to the emptiness after you’ve left, touching his lips with the tips of his fingers and feeling the ghost of your kiss there.

—

Truth be told, you haven’t always loved cherries. Because of a heinous lie your older brother had made you believe when you were just six years old, you hadn’t eaten cherries for two summers in a row. It was the summer your parents had finally allowed you to eat cherries as they came from the trees in your backyard - beforehand, they’d been too scared that you’d choke on the pit or swallow it unknowingly, and had always prepared purées or other forms that cherries can take for you to eat, so to be finally handed the small fruit and told “go ahead, try it,” felt like an honor. 

A simple “don’t forget to spit out the pit” from your mother had sufficed for you to be careful, and yet, your brother had thought a fear tactic would be more effective. “If you swallow it, a tree will grow inside your belly and make you puke out cherries,” he’d lied when it was just the two of you at the outdoor table. 

“Really?” you asked him in disbelief, horror written all over your face as you looked at the seemingly harmless yet deadly fruit in your hand. You’d already eaten two and were in the middle of eating a third; your brother nodding ‘yes’ in response was all it took for you to spit out the cherry furiously and immediately start sobbing, afraid you’d swallowed one even though all three pits were right there on the table, a guarantee that no unwanted flora would grow inside of you. 

Your mother rushed outside at the sound of your wailing and quickly put two and two together when she saw your brother laughing uncontrollably while you hid your face in your hands, desolately imagining your future as a walking cherry tree. She held you tight in her arms as she told your brother off and reassured you that he was just playing a stupid prank on you. Still, the simple thought of swallowing a pit had terrified you and you were unable to eat cherries for the remainder of the summer and the one after that.

This is the story you tell Chaeryeong and her dad as the three of you sit outside together, making them laugh - although, a few minutes later, when Sunghoon is gone to the bathroom away, Chaer leans over the table and whispers, “It’s not true, is it?” so you reassure her that you’ve eaten cherries your whole life and have never had one single root take life in your tummy. 

It’s been a bit over a week after you shared that kiss in his kitchen, and the awkward atmosphere is just starting to fade. You’re glad he didn’t ignore you after that night, even if pretending nothing happened when both of you are very aware that something did happen is only the slightly better alternative. It’s a refreshing change from boys that sleep with you and then act like you don’t exist, for sure.

The kiss hasn’t done anything to burst the tension; if anything, it’s made it even more electric. You catch him looking at your lips more than once and you wonder why he still acts the same way as before when he’s made it very clear he didn’t think kissing you was a good idea. Catching him shirtless one night in his bedroom doesn’t help, and neither does him catching you staring at him - you’d quickly shut the curtains, but it was too late, and he’d seen you ogling his toned chest and abs.

At least, the fact that Chaeryeong is here forces a bubbly atmosphere upon you, and you hope you’re not crazy when you notice him fondly looking at the both of you interacting. Chaer is an outgoing little girl and seems to have liked you as soon as you complimented the toy puppy in her hand, saying you used to have the same and it was your favorite.

The day you went food shopping was practically hell to get through. One evening, you were holding onto Sunghoon for dear life, finally kissing him, and the next afternoon, you were browsing through the endless aisles of your local IKEA, holding his daughter’s hand and pretending like you hadn’t kissed her daddy.

When it got to the bedroom part of the store, you and Chaer decided to try all the mattresses and find the most comfortable one. You usually were never one for seating and laying on random beds in stores, but there was a kid with you, so you were sure it’d be fine. When you found the one you liked most, you looked up at Sunghoon from your position and said, “This one’s pretty good, Sunghoon.” His immediately reddening cheeks told you everything you needed to know and you quickly sat up, clearing your throat. He tested the mattress by pushing his palm against it and muttered a “yeah, it’s pretty good” before scribbling down the number of the mattress onto the small sheet of paper customers use to remember which products they wanted.

Of course, now that Chaer is with him and most of the work in the house is done, save for some minor things that Sunghoon can finish up on his own, you spend a lot less time together. You hate that you miss him so much. You miss the way he makes you feel, like your whole body is on fire with just one look or one touch, the way his stupid jokes make you laugh or how endeared he looks when he talks about his daughter. Seeing him with her only adds to your stupid crush - he’s doting, protective and caring, makes sure she has everything to be happy and manages to treat her at once like the kid that she is but also like a human that has opinions and feelings. He’s a really good dad, and that does nothing whatsoever to stop your DILF fantasies, although now, it’s really Sunghoon that you want, and the fact that he’s a dad isn’t a dealbreaker, it just makes him that much better.

You hate that you miss him, and yet being with him is somehow worse, because you can’t do any of the things you want to do. You fall asleep one two many nights dreaming about his lips and how nice it’d be to feel them again - on your lips, on your neck, everywhere. You want to feel him everywhere, and this longing lust is starting to drive you crazy. You’d never wanted anyone this much.

He invites you over for dinner one night, and the look he gives you when he opens the door sends a shiver right down your spine. “Hi, Y/N.” 

“Hi, Sunghoon.”

He leads you into the kitchen with a hand on your waist, even though you’ve been in his house many times before and need no assistance getting there. A small, horny voice at the back of your head tells you that tonight may be the night, but you quickly shut it down, not wanting to get your hopes up all on your own.

Sunghoon serves you a glass of red wine, and you ask him what the occasion is. “Just to celebrate the house being almost done,” he answers with a smile.

Dinner would have gone as usual if Sunghoon wasn’t practically staring you down the whole time, eyes full of something you can’t quite put your finger on and that drives you crazy. His gaze lingers on you every time you speak, and he punctuates the syllables of your name like he’s trying to get a feel for them on his tongue.

Your heart is pounding in your chest when the clock strikes nine p.m. and it’s time for Chaeryeong to go to bed - you don’t know if you’ll be able to handle being alone with Sunghoon, and you might have to make a run for it, Cinderella-style. 

Chaer goes to the bathroom to wash up and change into her pajamas, and when she comes back, she asks - no, demands - that you’re the one who tucks her in, and who are you to say no to the cutest little girl on Earth? She holds you by the pinky as she drags you up the stairs to her room then buries herself in her covers, tapping on the bed next to her body for you to sit there. “Okay, now we can talk without Dad around,” she says all business-like.

She tells you about the boys at her school and the birthday party she went to last week and the latest drama with her friends. The both of you are too busy chatting and giggling to hear footsteps coming up the stairs and stopping at her door, hiding behind the wall. After ten minutes, she yawns loudly and says, “Can you call Dad? I think he’ll be sad if he doesn’t wish me good night.”

“Of course,” you reply and kiss her on the forehead, wishing her a good night yourself. You’re only half-surprised to find Sunghoon at the doorway, waiting for his cue.

“Wait up for me, yeah? I’ll just be a minute,” he says, that smile still on his lips, that smile that keeps you hoping.

“Okay,” you whisper, and head downstairs, nervously taking a sip from your wine glass as you wait for him on the living room couch.

He is indeed back in a very short time, too short a time for your nerves to settle, so when he sits down close to you on the couch, body turned towards yours, you can feel your heart in your throat. He traces the rim of his glass with the tip of his pointer finger and you both watch the slow movement for a bit, a heavy silence hanging over both of your heads. You wait for him to talk because you’re too scared of what you might say if you start the conversation.

“Y/N, I’ve been thinking,” he starts shakily, “about um, our kiss, the other day-”

“Oh, we don’t need to talk about that,” you quickly interrupt, waving your hand in dismissal at him. “You made it clear you didn’t like it-”

“No, that’s the thing-”

“And that you thought it was a bad idea-”

“No, just listen-”

“So let’s just forget about it, and-”

“Y/N,” Sunghoon says in a stern voice, raising his tone just enough to make you stop in your rambling.

“Yeah?” you look up at him, eyes wide open. Expecting, as always.

“I haven’t once stopped thinking about that kiss,” he says, sounding out-of-breath. “I handled it awfully, and I’m so sorry that I made you feel like I didn’t like it, because, God, I liked it. A lot,” he chuckles. “Maybe even too much.”

There they are, the words you’ve been dying to hear. Yet all you can say is a stupid “Oh.”

“I just… I was tipsy, and Chaeryeong was coming the next morning, and I panicked. I didn’t know what to do for the rest of the week, and you didn’t say anything, so I didn’t, either. But I can’t pretend like it isn’t there.”

“Like what isn’t there?” you echo, voice almost low as a whisper.

“You know… this,” he replies, voice as low as yours. Slowly, one of his hands comes up to trace your jawline. You release a shaky breath as you set your wine glass on the coffee table and rest your hand on his knee.

“Are you sure about this? ‘Cause if you tell me that you want me… then I’ll be all yours, Sunghoon,” you murmur, hands slowly sliding up his thigh. He takes you by the wrist and puts your hand right on top of his already growing erection, letting you know exactly how he feels about you.

“God, can’t you see what you do to me? I want you so bad, Y/N,” he almost growls, and with that, his lips are on yours, trapping you into a kiss far hungrier and more ferocious than the previous kiss, your mutual intentions finally laid out in front of you for you both to see.

Sunghoon wastes no time as he grabs you by the waist and brings you to his lap, sitting you on top of his crotch so that you can feel his hardening cock against your core. The kiss turns desperate in mere seconds, and you’re relieved to see that Sunghoon seems to have been waiting for this as long and with as much ardor as you have. Your hands are fisting his hair, tugging almost harshly, while his hands roam the expanse of your back until they settle on your ass, grabbing at it to press you closer to him. You can’t stop yourself from moaning into his mouth when his erection rubs over your core in just the right way, and he takes that opportunity to add tongue to the kiss, deepening it.

You start to grind yourself against him, which he helps you do by slightly rutting his hips into yours and bringing your ass closer at every movement. Quickly, you fall into a rhythm so perfect and that feels so good, you think you might explode right then and there. Forget riding his thigh, this is infinitely better.

Needing to catch your breath, you pull away from the kiss, but your lips find his jaw immediately and you start pressing wet, needy kisses there and down his neck, sucking in some spots so that light bruises appear. “Fuck, Y/N, that feels so nice,” he breathes, eyes shut closed. His scent drives you crazy, and his small praise makes you double down on your actions, almost biting the soft skin of his neck.

As you continue kissing him there, occasionally returning to his lips for more, his hands roam your thighs and then up your back, snaking themselves under your t-shirt and finding the clasp of your bra, quickly doing away with it. He pulls away just so he can help you out of your top and takes your bra off of you, hands caressing your sides as he admires your half-naked body in all its glory. You take his hands and bring them to your chest, resting your hands on top of his as you continue grinding onto him and let him play with your boobs. “You’re so fucking hot,” he practically moans, making you chuckle. You reach for the hem of his t-shirt, because it’s only fair that you get to see him too, and you bite back a moan when he uses the absence of your hands on his to pinch your nipples lightly, then takes one in his mouth, catching you off-guard. You forget all about your plan of undressing him as his tongue flicks at the perked bud, your hands finding his hair again as you moan unabashedly. 

“S-Sunghoon,” you breathe, the combined feelings of his now fully hard cock pressing against your clothed but soaking cunt and of his warm mouth around your nipples really getting to your head and making you see stars, so that all you can say is his name. “Please,” you beg, you’re not sure what for. Mercy, perhaps. Or release.

“Please what, baby?” he asks, and the nickname goes straight to your core.

“I don’t- just, please, Sunghoon, please,” you say incoherently, making him chuckle.

“Okay,” he says as if he can read your mind, and you think he actually does when he lays you down on the couch, fingers finding the zipper of your shorts. He unbuttons them and slides them down your legs along with your soaked panties. He makes sure they’re fully off of your body before running his palms up both of your legs, from your ankles to your hips.

“Don’t tease, please,” you plead, too desperate for him to take his time.

“As you wish, princess,” he smirks, and brings a finger to your folds, sliding it down to gather some slick before pushing it inside your hole. Your back arches as an instant response to his touch and you let out a small whine, already craving for more. “Fuck, so wet, and all for me, yeah?” he questions, his eyes not once leaving your glistening pussy.

“Yes,” you breathe out, mind too fuzzy to produce a longer sentence.

“That’s a good girl,” he coos, and adds another finger, pushing all three of his knuckles in and massaging your sweet spot as soon as he finds it. When he’s found a rhythm for his motions, he finally looks up at you and curses himself for not having watched your face earlier. Head tilted back in pleasure, mouth agape as your breathing gets more and more irregular and eyebrows scrunched together, you look like the definition of sex, and it takes everything in Sunghoon to not start touching himself.

He forces himself to look away from you only to focus back on your pussy and notices your swollen clit that is begging for attention. He licks it tentatively, and when your back arches at the feeling of his tongue on you, he dives in completely, licking a stripe up your folds before wrapping his lips around the bud and sucking at it like he did with your nipples earlier. The pace at which his fingers are pumping out of you quickens and you’re pulling so hard at his hair, you think you might rip some strands off. You feel yourself getting close, and you’re reminded of all those frustrating encounters with college boys where they stopped right before you came, so you can’t stop yourself as you desperately chant “oh my God please don’t stop please don’t stop,” not even noticing the way you’re holding his head down against your clit and bucking your hips into his face.

Your orgasm hits you like a truck - this is probably the first one you’ve received from someone other than your own hand or your vibrator in the past year and a half. It takes your breath away, and you’re left gasping for air for a good thirty seconds, your mind reeling from the intensity of such pleasure. When you calm down, you lift your head to look at Sunghoon who’s already watching you with a grin on his face, your slick coating his chin and mouth.

You plop your head back down with a groan when realization hits you. “I’m sor-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Sunghoon commands, hands rubbing your still-trembling thighs. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” he marvels, and you can’t help but giggle.

“Really?”

“Really.”

After another couple of seconds, you sit up on the couch and send Sunghoon a mischievous look. My turn, you think, and if his smile is any indicator then he seems to have understood. “Let me thank you,” you say, gesturing at him to sit up himself as you lower yourself to your knees on the couch in front of him.

You look up at him from between his thighs then unclasp his belt and undo his jeans. He lets out a shaky breath and says, “You don’t need to do this, you know-”

“Don’t be a gentleman, Sunghoon. I want to do this and I know you want it too. It’s pretty obvious,” you tease as you run your hand over his erection, watching in delight as his eyebrows furrow and his eyes close. “Now help me get these off of you.” He nods and raises his hips so you can take his jeans and underwear off, imitating his actions from before as you take your time to get them over his ankles and caressing his legs until they reach his crotch, watching as he takes his t-shirt off as well so that you can finally see him entirely. You’d caught glimpse of him shirtless before as he worked in his garden, but the sight still manages to take your breath away. Taut muscles and sun-tanned skin, laid bare right before you. This is what they mean by sculpted like a Greek god, you think.

You haven’t done anything, yet his head is already laid back against the top of the couch, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he gulps in expectation and chest rising visibly at every intake of breath. You must’ve saved a thousand souls in your previous life to be deserving of such an image.

You spit in your palm before taking him, starting out by slowly moving your hand up and down his shaft, then rubbing small circles against his tip, the small moan-like sighs that leave his lips letting you know you’re doing a good job. You gather some saliva in your mouth and spit on his length to add some lubricant and smirk when he lets out a low fuck. You bring your head closer and lick his balls, taking one at a time in your mouth and sucking very gently, making the volume of his moans increase. “Just like- fuck, just like that, Y/N.”

You then lick a long stripe up his cock and swirl your tongue around his tip when you reach it, humming at the taste of precum there. Sunghoon gathers your hair in a makeshift ponytail so it doesn’t get in your way, and finally looks down at you, blown away by the beautiful sight of your flushed cheeks and your mouth around his cock. He groans when you take him deeper and unconsciously bucks his hips into your throat, making you gag around him. He loves that feeling but doesn’t want to hurt you so he grabs your face and makes you look up at him, lust and worry written all over his face as he apologizes, but you quickly stop him. “It’s okay, I like it. You can do it again,” you say, and smile before wrapping your lips around him once more.

“Fuck, are you sure?” he asks and you hum, sending vibrations all over his body.

“God, o-okay,” he says, in disbelief that you’re okay with him practically fucking your throat and even liking it. And you do like it - you love letting him use your mouth to get off, just like you had earlier with him. He must have amazing core strength because he’s able to buck his hips into your mouth rapidly as he holds your head tight in his hands. The way you keep coming back for more every time he lets you breathe is enough to drive him crazy, but after a couple minutes, he stops you from taking him in your mouth again.

“I can’t- I don’t wanna cum like this,” he breathes, looking just as fucked-out as you do.

“Where, then?” you ask, kissing him all over his thighs as he trails his fingers through your hair. “Inside?”

He groans at the offer but shakes his head, eyes shut as if trying to calm himself down. “I haven’t got any condoms.”

“I’m on the pill,” you tell him, still pressing kisses on his warm skin. You’re far too desperate to feel him inside you to let a lack of condom stop you, especially when you don’t even need one.

He lets out an umpteenth shaky breath and makes you look up at him. “Are you sure?”

“Sunghoon,” you say, looking him dead in the eyes, “I’ve never been more sure of anything.” You’re relieved when he smiles and nods, bending down to trap your lips in a heated kiss for good measure. Something about being in this position, kneeling in front of his spread thighs and having to look up at him, turns you on even more.

“Okay, then,” he says, still smiling as he pulls away, holding you gently by the chin. “I don’t think I’ll be able to last long, and I want to feel you cum around me. So, tell me, what’s your favorite position, princess?”

The question takes you aback but you answer it anyway, looking at the ground. “Reverse cowgirl…” you admit shyly, a small smile spreading on your lips.

“Reverse cowgirl, huh?” Sunghoon repeats, and you don’t need to look at him to know he’s smirking. “Come here, then,” he says, and helps you up, making you turn around so your back faces him and seats you down on top of him, keeping your hips raised. He takes his cock inside his hands, pumps it a few more times before guiding it to your entrance, pressing kisses to your shoulders and nape to make you relax. 

You moan at the simple feeling of his tip teasing your entrance and Sunghoon whispers “I know, baby” against your skin. “Sit down for me,” he commands gently, and you oblige, lowering your hips slowly to feel all of him stretching you out, the both of you moaning in synchronization when he bottoms out.

Sunghoon wraps an arm around your middle and pulls you onto him so that your back rests against his chest and you can let your head hang back next to his. “Let me do all the work, yeah?” he murmurs into your ear, and you hum in response. He doesn’t move for a bit, roaming his large hands all over your body until he feels your walls relax around him. One of his hands finds your breasts, playing with each nipple in turn, while the other finds your clit. It’s all so much but so good that you’re already a moaning mess before he’s even started moving. “Ready?” he asks, but you’re too far gone to answer.

His pace starts out slow, but you’re impatient and whine as you try to move your hips against his to go faster, which makes him tut. “I told you I’d do the work, didn’t I?” he asks, pinching one of your nipples in reprimand. “So be good for me and stay still, Y/N. I promise I’ll make you feel good.” You whine again but stop moving, heeding his words.

“Perfect,” he whispers and kisses your neck before picking up the pace, shushing you when your moans get too loud.

“I’m sorry, just feels too good,” you manage to let out.

“I know, but you need to stay quiet, baby,” he says, yet gets rougher with his thrusts, which does not help in the slightest. His hand that was on your breasts comes up to cover your mouth, but he quickly decides to make you suck on two of his fingers instead, muffling your moans a bit.

His fingers on your clit haven’t relented this whole time and after just a few minutes, you feel that familiar knot tying itself again in your stomach and you know you’re mere moments away from it coming undone. Judging by his rapid but clumsy thrusts, Sunghoon must be close too. He pounds into you like you’ve been wanting him to ever since you first set eyes on him as he entered the hardware store, hitting your g-spot over and over again. Tears roll down your cheeks and you whimper around his fingers, biting down on them as your second orgasm hits you.

You’re practically sobbing as he helps you ride out your high, his movements sending your body into pleasant overstimulation until he reaches his high too, the feeling of your pussy clenching tightly around him pushing him over the edge. Ropes of his semen paint your walls white, and there’s enough of it for him to become a father of two. You whine as he pulls away, and feel his cum slipping out of you and onto the couch underneath you. Before you can catch your breath, he asks, “Baby, can I do something very dirty?” and you nod without thinking much. This man could do anything he wanted to you, and you’d thank him for it.

He settles you back down onto the couch, kneels on the floor, head level with your core, and sticks his tongue inside your hole, making you yelp in surprise and overstimulation. You don’t understand what he’s doing until he comes back up and makes you open your mouth with his thumb, then spits inside it, telling you to swallow. You do as he says and taste his cum, laughing in disbelief at what he just did - and at how much you liked it. “Fuck,” you giggle.

“Was that too much?” 

“God, no,” you say, and he smiles. You open your arms, gesturing for him to get back on the couch. He rests his head between your breasts, the both of you sighing in contentment as he rubs small circles on your belly and you graze your fingers through his hair. He’s so silent that you think he’s fallen asleep, but he speaks up after a while, voice soft and calm like you’ve never heard before.

“We should go get cleaned up…” he says, and you hum in agreement, “...but it’s so nice here,” he finishes, making you giggle.

“If we get cleaned up quickly now, we can cuddle in bed right afterwards,” you argue.

“You’re right. Infallible logic. You’re so smart, you know that, Y/N?” he says, and you can hear the smile in his voice.

“Of course I know that,” you joke. “Let’s go,” you say, kissing the top of his head.

You take a shower together, cleaning each other and leaving kisses here and there, or touching in places you shouldn’t touch and that maybe lead to more, right there in the shower. Now that you’ve had a taste, you’re insatiable, and you warn Sunghoon that the both of you are in for a very long night, to which he answers that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Once you do fall asleep, (which isn’t until two rounds later, and you’re surprised either of you have this much energy), however, you’re holding each other tightly, the fan on high so that you don’t feel all sticky, being so close to each other. Even if you wake up here and there because he shuffled or he snored too loudly, it’s one of the best sleeps you’ve ever had.

—

You wake up the next morning by small giggles and snorts that come from none other than Park Chaeryeong herself, who’s buried herself between you and her dad, shaking her body to wake the two of you. You’re glad that you listened to Sunghoon when he told you to put on a t-shirt of his as well as some underwear so neither you or Chaer would have a fright when she came and woke you up as she liked to do every morning. “You had a sleepover!” she exclaims excitedly when she sees you’ve finally opened your eyes, looking at her with a sleepy expression and a smile.

“We did!” you reply, trying to keep the same level of excitement.

“We did,” Sunghoon repeats, taking his daughter in her arms to hug her tightly and blows a raspberry in her neck to make her laugh.

“You didn’t invite me!” she shrieks when her dad’s left her alone.

“Sorry, sweetheart. It was just me and Y/N.”

“No fun,” she pouts, laying on her back and crossing over arms before turning back to her dad. “So, is Y/N my new mom?” she whispers even though you’re right there. You gasp at her question, making wide eyes at Sunghoon who just snorts, and you can’t tell if she’s genuinely asking or if she’s an eight-year-old with an advanced sense of irony.

“Of course not. Is Heeseung your new dad?” he asks, mentioning his ex’s new boyfriend. Chaer shakes her head.

“No. He’s Mommy’s boyfriend.”

“Exactly, and Y/N is Daddy’s girlfriend. Isn’t she?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at you, smirking.

“She is,” you reply, and Chaer turns back to you, giggling. She snuggles close to you, wrapping an arm around your middle, and you’re taken aback by the sheer cuteness of it all. You look at Sunghoon with a fake pained expression, and he smiles endearingly at the two of you before sighing and joining you in your hug. He rests his arms around you and his daughter, kissing the top of your heads in turn. 

“My girls,” he mutters in your hair, and you smile peacefully.

There’s a lot of things you have to talk about with Sunghoon. You know your parents - especially your mom - will be okay with the two of you together, but will his parents be? And once semester starts again, what will happen? You’ll have to go back to campus and he’ll have to stay here - will a three-hour drive be a dealbreaker, or will you make it work?

The thing is, there’s no point in thinking about all of this at this moment. You’ve got the whole summer to figure things out. For now, you’ll eat cherries and spit out the pits, and everything will be perfect.

this is a one shot, there will not be a part two!

permanent taglist: @k-ingzo @bbujiikseu @sunghoonmybeloved @lalalalawon @sd211 @w3bqrl @raikea10 @wntrnghts (ask to be removed/added!)

© asahicore on tumblr, 2023. please do not repost, translate or plagiarize my works. feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!

overpass graffiti | sim jaeyun

ꕤ DESCRIPTION: “they say we fall in love three times in our lifetime: our first love is the one that breaks us, leaves us hopeless and lost, this then brings us to our second love, the one which picks up the broken pieces of our heart and mends it back together; heals us from the heartache the first left and lastly, our third and final love⏤the love that’s supposed to last. for you, your best friend sim jaeyun happens to be two out of three.”

ꕤPAIRING: best friend!jake x f!reade & second lead!jungwon

ꕤGENRE(S): slice of life!au, soulmate(?)!au

ꕤWORD COUNT: 23.9k

ꕤWARNING(S): loss of virginity, soft dom!jake, sub!reader, oral (f!receiving), p in v intercourse, no protection, drugging (not the reader), underaged drinking, swearing, dry humping, mentions of plan b, mentions of hospitals, possessive!jungwon, mentions of sobriety, heartbreak, allusions to depression, mentions of drinking and smoking, mentions of passing out.

ꕤA/N: i think i have a thing for sim jaeyun and angst.

“Jaeyunie, meet ____. You and her are gonna be best friends.” 

Jake’s mother smiles, a hand lightly on his back, and pushes him forward with a gentle pat.

The moment she steps away from his side however, he panics, looking back at her desperately. He’s met with a smile of encouragement - caring but unsympathetic. Jake swallows harshly, shyness heavy in his throat, and uses all the willpower in his 9 year old body to force himself to look at the small female.

Standing across from him, a girl of roughly the same stature is grinning toothily - or at least she could've been, if she’d had enough teeth. ____, was dressed neatly, her hair laid down with lots of gel and two ponytails with bows holding it all together. Her light purple dress swayed as the gentle breeze blew. In one chubby fist she clutched tightly onto her fathers hand. Jake blushed, if he didn’t firmly believe that girls had cooties he would have sworn her to be the prettiest girl he’s ever laid eyes on so instead he scrunches his nose and says the first thing that comes to his mind and knows will hurt her feelings.

“You’re dirty,” he proclaimes, crossing his arms. “Very dirty.”

At his words, ____’s smile quickly falters and an almost angry look overtakes her face. “Am not!” Sensing his daughter's growing fury, her father steps in.

“____ah, calm down. I’m sure Jaeyun didn’t mean it, why don’t you two spend some time together? Hm? I’m sure you’ll be best friends.”

Not giving his daughter any time to argue, he excuses himself and leaves to go join the other adults by the varanda.

____ crosses her arms and stares up at Jake intimidatingly, “apologize.”

Jake gulps, although he’s a whole head taller than the girl and probably even older, he can’t help but be slightly scared of the icy glare she’s sending his way so he meekly mumbles, “I’m sorry”

However, it doesn’t seem as if ____ is pleased with the half assed apology. She raises an eyebrow and impatiently taps her foot on the grass, “for what?”

He gulps, “for calling you dirty, I didn’t mean it.”

Satisfied with the apology, a wide smile breaks out on ____’s face before she doubles over from laughing so hard. “Y-you should have seen your face!” She abruptly stands and quivers her bottom lip as she stares at Jake, “I-I’m s-s-sorry.” She breaks out into laughter once again, unable to hide her amusement. Jake only frowns and crosses his arms.

“It’s not funny.”

Ignoring his embarrassment, ____ walks right up to him and slings an arm around his neck,  “Let’s be best friends forever, yah, Jaeyunie?”

Usually Jake would have scolded anyone who called him Jaeyunie, his mother and hyung being the only exceptions, but for some reason hearing the name slip out so easily from your mouth seemed comforting. “Okay,” he agreed, slightly hesitant. “You seem kinda stupid, so I can still be number one with you as my best friend.”

You only smiled in response, delighted, before spinning on your heel and running back to your mother and father, who were talking animatedly with his own parents.

What a strange girl, Jake thought. At least she wouldn't be competition.

___

Later that night, both of Jake’s parents and your mother and father were sitting at the table discussing grown-up things while you were in the bathroom and Jake was sitting beside his brother when his name filtered through to his ears. He had been in the process of stabbing the greens off his plate and slowly feeding them to his precious dog Layla when his parents weren’t looking, but at the mention of his name he perks up instantly. 

“...Jake has already been offered scholarships to private middle schools once he finishes elementary but he’ll be attending the private international school his elder brother goes to,” she was bragging again.

Your mother perks up as well, “Wow, that’s so incredible, Suyeon. I think being friends with Jaeyun will really help ____ find some initiative. She’s already so used to being good at things, a little healthy competition is just what she needs.”

Jake’s father nods, gesturing for the maid in the corner to bring over the bottle of wine. “It’s certainly going to help with that. While we’re on this topic, I’d like to invite you to join our study group. We have the best tutors come in and teach the kids after school but only the best of the best are allowed to join, ____ shows a lot of promise.”

Jake listens nervously, watching his father as the maid filled his glass and stepped back.

you’re….smart?

His mother notices him staring, and reaches over to tousle his hair affectionately. “Don’t worry, Jaeyunie,” she croons. “You’ll still be number one. Being friends with kids that are as smart as you is a good thing! You and ____ will have lots more to talk about than you would with anyone else.”

He frowns. He knew sometimes parents lied to kids to stop them from being sad, but his mother would never lie to him. Jake was too clever, he’d figure out the lie before she finished telling it.

“Alright.” He found himself cautious for the second time that day. “As long as I can still be number one.”

Jake in fact did not stay number one for long.

Once you had fully settled into your new life in Australia your grades skyrocketed causing your teachers to bump you up a grade, placing you into Jake’s class, the two of you always went head to head vying for the first rank and each time Jake always fell a point behind.

It aggravated him to no end that you came out of nowhere and completely upended his whole life and identity, Jake had always been the smart one and never had any solid competition so having you seemingly pop out of nowhere and take away the very thing that made him, well him agitated him beyond belief.

But of course this made for a great friendship, while Jake claimed he hated your very existence he soon found himself looking forward to your after school study sessions. You never took them seriously, you always goofed off and made it your life's mission to teach Jake the meaning of fun. It took a while for the boy to warm up to you but you managed to get on his good side with a little bribing of fried chicken and grape soda.

The two of you would wait until your break to sneak out to the fried chicken place down the street to pick up the order you had placed during your tutoring session before heading back to hide in one of the various rooms inside Jake’s spacious home. The two of you would use this time to talk about the annoyances in your life, you would mostly complain about the girls who kept coming up to you to confess their love for Jake and how you were growing quite annoyed with having to turn them down on his behalf. He would only grimace and quickly change the topic to how annoyed he was with you for yet again topping the class rank.

Slowly but surely though, as the two of you began to age, the conversations began to change as he warmed up to you, what used to be pointless bickering and complaining turned into meaningful deep conversations about his fear of attachment, rooted in his father constantly leaving him and his family to go back to Korea for his job overseas. You had slowly become the only constant in Sim Jaeyun’s life and he truly had no intentions of letting you go. You really had become his best friend just like his mother predicted all those years ago.

While it might have taken Jake some time to love you, you loved him from the start. While everyone saw him as the perfect all rounder student you knew he was more than that. You knew he wasn’t perfect, wasn’t some ace who was just naturally talented. No, he worked just as hard- if not harder than his peers to keep up the image he was born to fit. He pulled all-nighters to bring home grades suitable for the assemblyman's son, immersed himself in after school clubs to fill up his resume because God forbid he wasn’t preparing for college at the ripe age of 9, learned multiple languages to become an ambassador for the school and threw himself into learning different instruments and playing different sports to really bring home the title of being an all-rounder.

In everything he pursued, he aced and came out on top. Which is why it irked him to his very core when you came around and knocked him down a peg. You knew right away just how much it bothered him, of course he complained about it every day during your group tutoring sessions but you didn’t really care. If anything it was motivation for you to work even harder to maintain the top spot.

You weren’t doing it out of spite or to intentionally anger him, no you were doing it to show him it’s okay to not always be perfect. It’s okay to rank second, it’s okay to goof off during tutoring sessions when studying is all you ever do, it’s okay to eat junk food when you feel like it and most importantly it’s okay to talk through your emotions with someone. You like to think you ranked first for his own good, to help him realize life is more than just school.

When the two of you reached high school you eased up with working so hard for the top rank but Jake didn’t, he studied all of your summer break before freshman year and placed into a year above you. It annoyed you that you were no longer graduating together but Jake became more lax and carefree knowing he would be graduating a year early, it was refreshing to see a new side of your best friend. Somewhere along the grades of 11 and 12 though, something shifted.

Jake was never unattractive but you never really took note of just how attractive he could be until your junior year.

___

“He’s gonna say no, Sarah.”

“We’re just looking out for you. He’s always hanging out with ____. They’re probably secretly dating, why don’t you just ask someone else?”

“I don’t know why you’re so set on him. I heard he’s already turned down six girls this month. six.”

Jake was just trying to get his calc homework done, bent over in the back of the library with his textbook open in front of him, eyes glued to the page. He spares you a frantic look, desperate to get your attention and convey that it was time to leave before it happened again. 

You, of course, were not paying attention. You were splayed out haphazardly on the chair across from him, headphones in and scribbling in your notebook. You had a smudge of graphite on your nose from scratching it in the middle of your doodling session.

You hum peacefully, completely unaware of your friend's turmoil.

It was everywhere. Prom. It was one stupid night, and he was fully planning on spending it wrapped up in blankets in his living room with you watching romcoms. It was the senior prom and he refused to attend a social event he knew you wouldn’t be at.

Unfortunately, Jake was alone in that feeling, the girls whispering from the table behind the two of you were right. He’d been asked six times. Six excruciating experiences of being cornered by a near stranger who smiled too sweetly and asked him to be their date, six separate occasions on which he’d stuttered a “sorry” and bowed deeply, ducking out before they could say any more.

And by this point, he just really, really didn’t want to have to turn down another girl. He felt like absolute crap.

Jake reaches out, tugging at your school uniform. “____” he whisper-yells.

You shrug him off and pout, “you’ll mess me up. Stop.”

He persists however, this time more aggressive and even goes the extra mile and pulls out one of your airpods. “I’ll buy you dinner please can we just go?”

You finally look up from your work slightly agitated and a full on pout graces your lips, if it were any other time Jake would take a moment to admire how adorable you look but it wasn’t.

“Why do you wanna leave so badly?” you huff out.

Before Jake can answer though he’s cut off by Sarah, one of the girls who has made her way over to your table.

“Jake?”

At the mention of his name his eyes squeeze shut and it hits you like a truck on why he was so adamant to leave. This time it’s the girl from his IB Latin class who he tutored on occasion.

She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear, you wonder what Jake’s response is going to be this time. She’s very pretty.

“Yes?” He croaks out. Behind him, you sit up in your seat, ready to step in if needed.

She looks down, hands twisting together and fidgets and steps side to side, but when she sucks in a sharp inhale and looks up her eyes are filled with determination. Jake feels queasy, almost as if he’s about to vomit.

“Do you maybe want to go to prom with me?”

Jake swallows the lump in his throat, guilt twisting everything into a knot. You see his knuckles turn white as he makes a fist and you resume your drawing, knowing what his answer will be.

“I’m sorry,” he manages. “But I don’t plan on going.”

Your brow shoots up in shock, you never figured he was rejecting all these girls because he simply didn’t want to go, you thought he was just waiting for the right moment to ask the girl he truly wanted to go with. You never asked why he was so closed off about prom, you figured he would tell you in his own time when he was ready.

“Can I ask why?” She lets her hands fall to her side. “Even if you don’t wanna go with me, I think you’d have a lot of fun.” She retreats back to her friends before he can respond. Jake tries not to notice the way they shake their heads sympathetically and pat her back in comfort.

“She’s right you know, prom would be fun.” you say as you shut your sketchbook. “Plus, she seems really sweet.”

Jake rolls his eyes “you sound like my mom.”

“Ha ha,” you drawl, stretching and arching off the chair like a cat. “I really don’t understand why you don’t want to go. It’s your last chance to enjoy a high school dance.”

The previous year, while you were in your sophomore year and Jake in his junior year he skipped out on prom, choosing to attend his model UN conference instead as his dad had put an emphasis on how much more important the meeting was compared to prom.

Jake shrugs and reaches for your backpack to pull out some snacks you packed for him, “it makes it real.”

“Makes what real?” you tilt your head to the side and patiently wait for him to collect his thoughts to elaborate on what was bugging him.

Jake sighs. “That this is the end.” he mummers, “after prom it’s graduation, and after grad I’m off to the states for uni…away from you.”

Your heart skips a beat and your hands start to get clammy at his words. You try to subtly rub your hands on your skirt and sit up straighter, confused as to why his words have such a strong effect on you.

“We’ve never spent more than a week apart from each other and now we’re going to be thousands of miles apart for a year. I can’t go to prom knowing you won’t be there and that it brings me one step closer to leaving.” he continues, he doesn’t look at you as he lays his emotions bare for you, rather he focuses on organizing his snack options.

Your heart twinges at the reminder that he was leaving for Yale in the fall, this would be the last summer spent together for who knows how long. As much as the reminder upsets you, you still plaster a smile on your face and playfully roll your eyes.

“Did you forget our promise? You and me, forever and always. We have all of summer to make as many memories as we went and even after you leave we can facetime, technology has come a long way y’know.” You reach out to take the bag of chips he had settled on eating to open for him before handing it back. “Distance means nothing. I’ll always have time for my best friend, plus when I go to Harvard I’ll only be two hours away. Enjoy the time you have left in Australia. You'll probably miss it more than me when you actually leave.”

Jake shakes his head, “doubt it but you do make a valid point.”

You smirk and shrug, “when do I not?” You clear your throat. “Does this mean you’ll go to prom?”

He tugs his bottom lip between his teeth and tilts his head side to side before asking, “go to prom with me?”

This time you can’t hide your shock, it’s not odd for you and Jake to be pairs for most social events but for some reason him asking you to be his date for his first and only prom causes heat to rise to your cheeks.

“W-what?”

“What? I can’t see myself going with anyone else, I’m most comfortable around you. Plus when I think back to my senior prom I want to remember how much fun I had and when I’m with you all the stress I’m under suddenly doesn’t matter anymore.” He states.

“Stop being corny,” you hiss weakly, fumbling with the straps on your bag. “It’s not a good look.”

Jake giggles, “what? Do you want me to get down on my knees instead? Do a promposal?”

Your eyes widen, mortified at the idea of him putting together a grandiose promposal. “You’re such a little shit, I swear—“

“Hold on, siri play stand by me by be—“

You pick up your sketchbook and hurl it at his head causing him to duck out of the way and fall out of his chair onto the floor with the force of his laughter. Hearing his laugh causes a pinch in your heart.

When he finally manages to pull himself together and off the ground, he wipes at his eyes and sighs. “Seriously, though.” He hums. “Will you go to prom with me?”

You swallow thickly, averting your eyes to the floor. “Sure.” you say quietly. “I guess so.”

You're uncharacteristically nervous for prom. Your mom insisted on taking the day off from work to help you get ready when you told her Jake had asked you to go with him.

You thought she was being dramatic but she swore up and down, left and right- that this was the beginning to your ‘blooming love story’.

She brought you to a salon to have your hair and makeup done and even splurged on a $900 dress. You’re beyond grateful to have a mother as understanding and loving as she is. Your father is away on business and unable to make it to take pictures so your mom has been documenting the whole day to share with him, the two of you are currently in your bedroom as she paints your toes.

“Mom?”

She hums in reply and puts down a new coat of nail polish on your big toe. “How’d you know dad was the one?”

Your heart is quiet in your chest, a calm thumping rather than the stutter it had been at all week as you wait for her response. She softly smiles before responding.

“He showed up to my dorm room with pedialyte and carpet cleaner.” She caps the nail polish and cleans around the edges of your toes. “We had been dating for some time and I was supposed to attend a business summit with him but I had a stomach bug and threw up all over my dorm. Your dad didn’t hesitate to drop his plans for the day and showed up to take care of me. He was the first person to ever put me before anything else and I just knew I loved him when he showed up with no clue on what to do but willing. He didn’t care about what his dad had to say about skipping the event or anything else, just me.”

You hum and fiddle with your hands as you think back to moments you’ve shared with Jake. The first one your brain recalls is the first time you got your period. Unfortunately it happened during your school's nature classroom trip. You were up in the woods for the week learning about nature and science through different activities and during your first night there you got your period. You walked around the whole day with blood stains on your shorts and cramps you couldn’t account for. You were beyond embarrassed come dinner time. You had no girl friends in the grade to ask for help and the boys made it a show of embarrassing you at dinner by pouring ketchup all over your seat. Jake was having none of it though, he came up to you at your table and wrapped his hoodie around your waist before grabbing your arm and leading you out of the canteen to the nurse on site.

He stayed by your side that night watching stand by me on your phone outside the cabins getting bit by mosquitoes. He didn’t complain or make any jokes of his own, rather stayed silent and let you have the quiet time you needed. When the two of you finally retreated back to your separate rooms you found a little gift basket on your bed filled with different types of pads, tampons, a heating pack and some chocolates. Apparently while you were walking around with stained shorts Jake was going around collecting different menstrual items from the girls in your grade to give to you, his way of helping.

It did make your heart flutter at the time but you chalked it up to your period hormones and never spoke on how it made you feel to anyone…Was that when you started to fall in love with your best friend?

Your doorbell goes off and you feel anxiety seep into your bones. Your mom senses this and holds your hand to give it a firm squeeze. “don’t stress about something you’re not sure about, okay? I want you to have fun tonight - both of you.”

You nod at her, loving how she knows exactly what was plaguing your mind, you let her lead you out your room and out to the living room. She lets go of your hand and walks over to the door, opening it wide.

“Wow.” You and Jake exclaim simultaneously as soon as you see each other. The butterflies in your stomach erupt once again at the sight of him; dressed in an sleek black suit with the first three buttons of his black undershirt undone, his hair has been bleached blonde and styled down with a part in the middle.

“You look…amazing.” Jake breathlessly lets out, staring at you in complete awe.

You blush and flatten out invisible wrinkles in your dress. “Thank you so do you, I love your hair.”

He smiles and shakes his fringe out of his eyes, “thanks. Figured why not try something new. Ready to go?”

“Woah woah woah, hold on, you two aren’t going anywhere without taking pictures!” His mom appears from behind him, “Let me go get my phone real quick!”

Your mom claps her hands as scurries off to retrieve her phone, “Oh, yes! I have to take pictures for your dad.”

Jake walks up next to you and you’re sure your heart is about to beat out of your chest. “You look really great, ____.”

“You’re not so bad yourself. Blonde was a great idea.” You bring your hand up to fix his parting a bit more. “It’s a nice contrast with the all black suit.”

“Yeah.” He swallows, looking down at his shoes.

“Okay! I have my phone!” Your mom says as she returns, instructing both of you to move out to her garden in the backyard and stand by the peonies for the photo.

“This might take a while.” You whisper to him and he chuckles, gently placing a hand on your lower exposed back.

“Won’t you get cold later?”

You shrug, “probably. Good thing your mother raised you to be a gentleman.” It takes him a second to register your words, scoffing in disbelief once he realizes what you were hinting towards but he doesn’t argue knowing he really will give you his jacket the second he sees you shiver.

“Smile!”

___

After a long process of taking pictures the two of you finally head out with Jake driving you guys to prom. Upon arriving you’re amazed at how extravagant the venue looks. Just another perk of attending a private school you think to yourself.

After finding parking the two of you head inside to find your table, you’re sharing it with your two friends Kairo and Mei and a random couple who snagged their tickets at the last minute (Jun and Luna).

“Jake! ____!” Kairo and Mei are in the entryway to the ballroom, waiting for the two of you where they texted they would be standing.

Mei walks forward, a greeting never making it past her lips, as she reaches out to brush Jake’s fringe out of his eyes. “Sorry, it was bothering me.” She mumbles as she steps back.

You know her intentions are innocent but with the way Jake’s cheeks flush red and he can barely meet her gaze you feel a twinge of jealousy and sadness. Since when was he flustered by Mei? The four of you met during SAT Prep and formed your own study group to help each other out during midterms and finals your freshman year (Jake’s sophomore) the dynamic between you all was pretty formal. The four of you didn’t make plans to go to the movies or the mall like other kids your age, it was strictly studying and neither of you minded it. Kairo and Mei fulfilled you and Jake in an academic sense while you and Jake met all your social and more emotional needs together.

So why the hell was he all blushy at Mei fixing his hair? Why didn’t he react the same when you fixed his parting?

“Should we go in?” Kairo asks.

“That sounds great,” you grit out, your grip tightening on your clutch.

Mei slides up next to Kairo and slips her arm back through his. The four of you walk in and find your table. Kairo pulls out Mei’s seat and Jake follows, doing the same for you.

“So Jake, are you excited for commencement?” Mei asks once you’ve all taken your seats.

Jake clears his throat, “more nervous than excited. Can’t believe it’s all finally over.”

The three of them go back and forth in idle talk before Jake slowly eases his way out of the conversation, mindlessly nodding at what your friends are saying and leaving you to your thoughts.

He’s uncharacteristically silent though as he bobs his head to the music. Seeing as you know him better than yourself, you know he’s nervous - but why?

Was he thinking of Mei? The thought makes you feel sick; you have no reason to be jealous because you’re just his best friend and your feelings are a jumbled mess you can’t navigate through- you don’t even know what you want from him. He can’t fix what he doesn’t know is broken.

Your mind is absolutely blank as you stare down at your hands on your lap. You only snap out of it when a large hand engulfs yours, but you don’t dare to look at him. You can’t.

“Are you okay?”

There they are again; the stupid butterflies winding up in the confines of your stomach. “Yeah,” You remove his hands from yours, “I’m fine.”

Jake reluctantly lets you pull his hand away, knowing something’s wrong but he doesn’t want to push. You compose yourself and remind yourself about your words to Jake; this is his last school dance. It needs to be memorable.

So you’ll make it memorable.

As the night goes on with the food served and multiple performances happening, you’re able to loosen up and forget your worries.

“Do you want to join the dance floor?” Kairo asks as he eyes the growing dance floor.

“No.” You frantically respond, earning a look of judgment from Mei.

“Yes!” She exclaims, grabbing both you and Kairo before dragging you out of your seats with a gleeful giggle.

You try to grab on to Jake for help, but your hand merely grazes his as you’re pushed to the dance floor. On the dance floor, other people have jumped into the idea of dancing and in no time, it’s filled with dancing students.

A little while later, Jake joins the three of you and your little dance circle moves around each other for a few songs; you’re all laughing and you’re genuinely starting to enjoy yourself. Eventually, Kairo and Mei leave to go take a breather leaving you alone with Jake.

“Are you feeling any better?” He leans down to your ear and tries to speak over the loud music.

You nod, “Ye-”

You’re cut off by the loud upbeat music dying out and picking back up but this time a soft violin intro fills the room, you recognize the song instantly. The live orchestra begins playing the chorus of nobody gets me by Sza, you watch as everyone around you pairs up and when you turn around, Jake is already looking at you with a small smile tugging on his lips.

His ears are tinged pink as he offers you a shrug, “Do you wanna dance?” He holds out his hand to you.

You take it with baited breath and immediately at the touch, the butterflies are at it again. You step closer to him and place your other hand on his shoulder while his other goes to your back, where your skin is exposed.

He’s gone back to being unusually quiet again; he’s just leading you to the slow beat of the song and looking away, only meeting your eyes when he catches your lingering gaze.

“____, you’ve been out of it all night. Are you really okay?” He quietly asks, his brows furrowing.

“I…” For a moment, you consider confessing what’s weighing on your heart but you panic. How would he react if he knew?

“____?”

“I think I’m in love with you.” You blurt out, a heavy sigh leaving your lips as soon as the words come out. You feel a little lighter knowing you’ve said your peace but your heart races in panic as you wait for his response.

“Oh,”  Jake whispers. It could have been your imagination but you swear his eyes look just as dizzy and unfocused as your own. His lips part maybe to say something more, but close as quickly as they opened and his gaze flickers down to your lips.

“I-” You choke on your words, shame and regret instantly flooding your body. You want to curl up and hide in a hole but you can’t. Jake is holding on to you too tightly and you’ve already let the cat out of the bag. Might as well get it all off your chest. “I-I don’t know when it happened but I know my feelings aren’t platonic anymore. You’re all I can ever seem to think about, when you touch me it feels like butterflies are swimming in my stomach and the thought of you even being interested in someone else makes me sick to my stomach.”

You take a deep breath, “I think I’m in love with you Jake. I love the little things that make you Jake, your obsession with math and physics, your ability to make anyone you speak to feel truly seen, how you rely on God to get you through hardships you face.” You continue to drone on and on about the quirks you love about your best friend, not noticing the way his lips tip upward in a wide grin.

“I love you.” You confess.

“____?” He asks, voice even.

“Yeah?”

“Stay still.”

Jake steps forward and wraps his hand delicately around the back of your neck, he doesn’t miss the way your hooded eyes follow his movement. He stands up straighter, he’s so close that your noses brush against each other ever so slightly. 

The flush on Jake’s cheekbones is clear as day, a lovely rose pink.

He takes one final deep breath and leans in to plant a kiss on your awaiting lips. The moment your lips touch, you feel a spark of electricity jolt through your body but as quick as it comes, however, and before you can react, he’s already swiftly pulling away.

When the two of you pull back, your eyes are wide open, gaze fixed on Jake’s face, his lips left slightly parted. His entire body is vibrating with warmth and anxiety, hardly able to keep still.

Jake stares at you, still feeling the desire pooling in his stomach, and wonders if he had made a mistake.

“____,” Jake calls, quietly. “____.”

He begins to hold his breath. Did he overstep?

“Did you…” You begin, eyes wide, flickering rapidly across his face. “Did you…just…”

“Yeah,” Jake replies, his voice cracking a tad. “Yeah, I did.”

There’s a silence between the two of your for a long second before you collect your bearings and clear your throat and say,

“Do it again.”

Jake feels numb, unable to be shaken or moved by the world around him, so he steps back in and tilts his head to the side, kissing you once again like you asked. 

You can barely hear the crowd around you over the sound of your own heartbeat.  Jake kisses you softly, almost shyly. A gentle hand slides down to your hip, anchoring you in place, a solid touch while the rest of the world slowly fades away. 

You can’t think about anything other than the feeling of Jake’s lips finally on your own. You continue to kiss Jake until you feel his hand leave your hip and he gently pulls his lips away.

You keep your eyes shut for a second longer, body thrumming with warmth and energy, you feel Jake’s forehead knock against yours after a beat. When you finally open your eyes, like always, Jake was staring right back at you.

“I love you too.”

Following prom you feel as though you’re on cloud nine. After your shared confessions and heated kisses Jake took you outside of the venue to discuss where things would go from here. He only had three more months left in Australia before he had to leave for Yale but he knew he would be a fool if he let you go.

The two of you came to the conclusion that you would take things slow and enjoy the little time you had together working towards being a couple and pick things back up once you graduated and made your way to the states to join Jake.

Things truly felt perfect, Jake would come by your home every now and then to take you on impromptu dates with a new bouquet everytime and an explanation on why he chose those specific flowers. On days where he was too busy getting ready for his upcoming semester to take you out, you would pack him little lunches and drive the two of you down to the park you would often visit in your childhood and have little picnics while listening to him go on about how excited he was for the physics program at Yale.

The people who had been in your lives and watched you grow up together were thrilled at the direction in which your relationship was going. Both your parents were delighted when Jake broke the news that you were officially seeing each other on a romantic level working towards eventually dating. You would often have Sunday brunch together after going to church with his family and yours before sneaking off to his room to cuddle on his bed for an afternoon nap.

Had you known this is what would come with confessing, you would have told Jake way sooner but sadly, time had passed and the date of Jake’s departure from Australia was fastly approaching. He has a week left and he’s determined to make it the best one yet.

“Let's road trip to Sydney.”

You stop fiddling with Jake's fingers and turn your head to look up at him from your position on his chest. “What?”

He smiles down at you before placing a quick kiss to your forehead. “You heard me, let’s take a road trip to Sydney.”

You playfully roll your eyes. “Yeah I heard you dummy but why?”

He shrugs and entwines your hands once more. “Why not? It’s my last week and we talked about road tripping down there for spring break but someone,” he pauses to poke at your side with his free hand drawing out some giggles form you his heart warming at the sound, “-just had to get sick the night before we were supposed to leave.”

You let out a groan, “you’re never going to let that go are you?” Jake hums, “absolutely not.”

You huff in thought, “it’s a nine hour drive Jake…”

He sits up forcing you to do the same as well, turning to face him. “We can take turns. Plus my flights’ leaving from Sydney, we could go to the airport together and have a proper goodbye without my parents bugging us.”

You bite down on your lip seriously considering Jake’s impromptu idea. Within the past three months you’ve had to share Jake with so many people- his soccer team, his orchestra friends, his family. Everyone. Alone time was scarce and the thought of a getaway to Sydney where it would be just the two of you and no distractions sounded lovely.

“Okay.”

“Okay? Just like that?”

You hum and move to sit on his lap and throw your hands over his shoulders. “Why not?”

A huge smile breaks out on Jake's face causing you to smile as well, something about seeing him happy always managed to bring you happiness. It should be scary, just how willing you are to sacrifice for Jake but for some reason you always throw caution to the wind the second he comes around. You’d give him the world if you could.

You feel Jake wrap his arms around your waist and slowly slide his hands under your shirt to caress your back. “What's going on in that pretty head of yours, love?”

You begin playing with the hair on the nape of his neck and whisper out, “thinking bout’ how I'd give you the world.” Jake’s hands pause at the base of your back, clearly caught off guard, you look down at his eyes and see how dark they’ve gotten. Desire and love pooling in the hues of his brown eyes. “You are my world.”

He leans in as he finishes his sentence and places his lips on yours. The feeling of his lips is incredibly warm as he pushes them against yours, slightly chapped but otherwise still soft. The amount of emotion he puts into kissing you isn’t like anything you felt before, there’s more desire in this kiss compared to all the others you’ve shared. The feeling of his tongue sweeping against the plumpness of your lower lip and the heat from his body sends butterflies to your stomach.

His hands fall down to your hips, pushing up your t-shirt to feel the softness of your stomach beneath his palms with battered breaths before pushing you back. He makes quick work of flipping you so your back is now on the mattress and it’s him straddling you. You gasp at the feeling of the soft mattress beneath you, his body pinning you deeper back as he continues exploring your mouth with his own.

You pull back slightly, breathing heavily and your lips red and plump with saliva. Jake smirks at the sight, his thumb coming up to pull down your bottom lip with the tip of his finger before moving his mouth to the sensitive skin of your neck.

The strands of his hair are silky beneath your fingertips, gasping and tugging at the roots as he bites down on a certain area of your neck that makes your core clench.

“Jaeyun,” you whisper, whimpering at the feeling of his palm applying pressure lightly against your navel. “Are we-?”

He slowly pulls away from you and adamantly shakes his head. “No.” you whine in protest as he pulls away and lays beside you once more. He pulls you close to his chest before confessing to you. “I want our first time to be romantic, not some quick fuck in my bedroom.” He kisses your temple. “You deserve more than that.”

The Following Day - 1:36PM

“Ready to head out?” 

You whirl around to find Jake standing in front of you and your parents, having just finished packing your suitcases in the trunk of his car and is now looking over at you with a tilt in his head. 

You nod and smile brightly. “Of course,” You say, turning to your mom and dad to bid them one fast farewell. “I was just saying bye.” 

He nods in understanding, waving to your parents, “I promise we’ll be safe and if anything happens you’ll be the first we call.” He says to reassure your parents, more so your dad who was a bit more hesitant to the last minute idea.

Your dad nods stiffly at Jake, “take good care of her. No drinking or scandalous activities, I’m not ready for any grandchildren.”

You gasp at your dads words and swat at his chest. “Dad! Stop embarrassing me!” He only tisks in your direction.

“You know what's more embarrassing? Having to finish your senior year pregn-”

“-Ahhh. Dad, stop it! I promise we’ll make smart choices!”

He chortles at your flushed expression and leans in for a hug. “I’m only messing with you.” You hug him back before pulling away to give your mother a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.

“See you in a week!”

After pulling away Jake steps forward to hug your parents goodbye as well.

“Be safe Jake, we’ll miss seeing you so often! Make sure to call us if you ever need anything once in the states, okay?” Your mom softly says to him as she holds his face in her hands, tears slowly filling her eyes. Over the years Jake has slowly become like a son to her, she was used to cooking extra knowing he’d come over for dinner after your tutoring sessions. She had even turned one of the spare bedrooms into a personal room for Jake, allowing him to sleepover when his parents were out of town for business.

You can only imagine how much she's going to miss him, maybe as much as you know you’ll be missing him.

He nods and sniffs, is he crying too? “Of course auntie, I’m really going to miss our Friday night movie marathons.”

You smile bitterly beginning to fight back tears of your own. Your father was always away for weekend meetings in Melbourne starting Friday night into Saturday evening and as captain of the varsity volleyball team you had late night practices every Friday meaning you wouldn’t be back home until the dead of night and your mother was left all alone. Jake, having nothing to do once classes were done would often go over to your home to keep her company so she wouldn’t be all alone in your home. It was a little tradition the two kept up over the years.

You hadn't given yourself time to really mourn the idea of being separated from Jake for an entire year but watching him say his tearful goodbyes to your parents is really putting into perspective just how entwined your lives are. He’s your everything and how he’s leaving, how are you going to manage your senior year without your best friend?

 “We should get going.” 

“Mhmm.” You look over at Jake and reach a hand out to wipe away his fallen tears. “It’s okay.” 

The two of you say one last goodbye before getting into Jake’s range rover, you look out the window to see your parents waving you off. You slide back into the passenger seat of his car and put on your seatbelt now processing the fact that this is the last week you have with Jake.

There is a silence as Jake is starting the car, and a part of you wants to die. On one hand you want to cry and beg him to stay but on the other you know if you do, Jake will differ his offer and take a year off to be with you. That’s the last thing you want, he deserves happiness. That’s all you’ve ever wanted for him. If that means braving a smile for now while your heart is in turmoil so be it.

Jake is the first to break the silence.

“That was a lot harder than I thought it would be.” He drives down your driveway before making a right to pull into the neighborhood.

“Goodbyes are never easy.”

“Yeah but…I didn't cry when saying bye to my parents but something about your parents made leaving seem all the more ...real?”

“It’s only natural, you spent more time with us. You’re like their second child.”

Jake hums in thought, “I don’t think I’lll survive having to say goodbye to you.”

You purse your lips thinking about what your goodbye would be like. Would there be tears? Unspoken words? “I think you’ll be just fine.” You reach out for his right hand that lays on the gear shift and hold it tightly. “It’s only temporary.”

The next nine hours are spent singing old 90’s love songs and making pit stops every now and then to stock up on some new snacks and to switch off so Jake isn’t so tired. During your third stop is when Jake pulls out a camera and begins vlogging the remainder of the trip claiming it would be nice to look back at it once the trip is over.

Once you finally make it to your destination, you pull into the driveway and place the car in park before looking around at your surroundings. The home is modern with nothing but natural light, it’s surrounded by trees to still give you enough privacy but it’s secluded from the other homes on the lane.

“Oh my gosh it’s so pretty.”

You open the door and immediately extend your legs out onto the solid ground beneath you. You let out a sigh of satisfaction and Jake laughs from next to you. 

He’s opening his own car door soon after, but he straightens up into a standing position pretty quickly and stretches upwards. He closes the car door behind him, watching as you eventually pull yourself together to do the same. 

You turn to face him. “I’m gonna use the bathroom.” You gesture towards the airbnb and earn a nod from Jake, who mentions something about doing the same thing. You meet back at the car a few minutes later. 

Jake gestures to the trees surrounding the home. “Want to take a walk around the area? I think I saw a park when we pulled into the neighborhood.” 

You nod. “That sounds like a good idea.” 

“Why don’t you get started? I’ll catch up.” Jake watches you leave, before opening the trunk of his car and rummaging around. 

He does catch up with you, quickly enough that you hardly notice that he had sent you out first. You hear his footsteps, and the call of your name, causing you to turn around. “Jake!” 

The sight before you makes you smile brightly. Standing before you is Jake, with his polaroid in hand. The lens is pointed right at you. As soon as you’re staring straight into the camera, Jake grins. “Say cheese” 

You giggle and close your eyes before making a little peace sign. You hear the little click and the flash illuminates your face. You open your eyes to find Jake smiling down at the little printed picture waiting for it to develop. “I can’t believe you brought that.”

“I’m a photographer at heart, what did you expect?” Jake teases back. “Besides, it’s really pretty around here. I need some pictures for my dorm.” 

You blush at the thought of him putting up a picture of you on his dorm wall. The pair of you begin to make your way to the park, taking in the view from different angles. The stroll is mostly just to get rid of the pent up energy, but it’s still a nice view to admire. As soon as you arrive at the park you ditch Jake to run to the swing set.

“Push me?”

Jake rolls his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief but still walks behind you to push you forward.

“Did you know my brother and I got in trouble with our mom because of how high we would swing you?” Jake giggles, “she was worried we’d push you too high and you’d go flying.”

“I blame your brother. He turns everything into a competition.”

“So do you!” Jake exclaims. You quickly stop the swing with your feet to turn back at him with a judgmental look on your face. “When we were a little older and Jaehyun left us to push each other you would get annoyed that I didn't push you as hard as you did for me.”

“It's true though.”

You scoffed, “at least I didn’t actually push you off your seat.”

He laughs at the memory, “we’re stronger now, do you wanna see who can go higher?”

“knowing exactly how strong you are… uh, not really? but whatever, let’s do it!” you brace yourself on the swing and start pulling yourself back to get momentum.

“Okay, wait! Wait!” he rushes to the seat beside yours and pushes it as far as his hips can go, already giving him an advantage. “Okay, go!”

Childish laughter escapes both of you as you let yourselves swing back and forth, trying to put your weight in properly to reach higher than each other. it really felt like you were kids again, you felt at peace, a part of you never wanted this night to end.

The next few days fly by and just like that it’s the night before Jake’s flight. You had spent your time in Sydney visiting the opera house, late night dinner dates and excursions all over the bustling city. There truly never was a dull moment within this week that’s come to pass. Getting to make new memories with Jake is exactly what you needed.

The two of you have just gotten back from dinner at Altitude, a restaurant overlooking the opera house. You’re now in your shared bathroom dressed in one of Jake’s old tee’s and a thong doing your nightly skin care routine as Jake undresses in the bedroom, getting ready for his nightly shower. You look at his reflection through the mirror as he takes off his shirt. Your eyes skim down his toned chest, desire pooling in the pits of your stomach. Throughout your time here it’s been nothing but makeouts and little pecks throughout the day. You wonder if he’ll finally make a move tonight.

“I can feel you staring, love.”

“That’s the point.”

Jake doesn’t say anything in response but rather slides up behind you and peppers your neck with gentle kisses. He cages you between his body and sink and presses his hips into your back. Your eyes flutter shut at the feeling of his fully hard cock pressing against your lower back.

Jake’s eyes rake your body through the mirror, desire burning in his irises. he shifts his eyes to stare at your lips before moving back to turn you around and face him and press himself directly to your front before leaning down and in. He takes his time, giving you the opportunity to pull away but you don’t. You want this.

He leans forward and allows his lips to graze yours, the faintest of touches. “Are you sure you want to do this darling? We don't have to.” Jake asks softly.

You shyly nod your head and lean in to close the gap but he pulls ways and shakes his head, “no love. I need to hear you say yes.”

“Yes, I want to do this, Jaeyun.” You push forward allowing your lips to touch. He groans once your lips make contact. You’re unable to focus on anything other than the feeling of his lips on yours.

You can faintly taste the shirley temple he had at dinner on his tongue. He sucks harder on your lip and brings one hand down in between your things to prod at your pulsing heat.

He pulls away to let his eyes drink in the sight of you before leaning down to pick you up. you let out a yelp and grasp onto his biceps for protection, “w-what are you doing?” You sputter.

“I can’t make love to you properly on the sink, darling.”

You blush at his words and bury your face into his chest, after a few strides Jake is gingerly placing you on the bed.

He gets onto his knees and straddles your hips before reaching out to help you out of your shirt. You breathe in deeply savoring the way he feels pressed against you. the feeling of his warm fingers moving under the hem of your shirt across your stomach. He lifts it off of your body and tosses it across the room.

“Thank you for trusting me with your body.” Jake says before leaning back in and places his lips on yours yet again.

You moan into the kiss before he trails kisses down your jaw to your neck, his teeth brushing over your skin and making you shiver regardless of the heat being provided by Jake’s skin pushed up against yours. You close your eyes and relish the feeling.

With his lips still pressed against your neck, he whispers, “what do you want love?”

Your eyes flutter open as he slowly pulls away to look at you.

“I won’t do anything until you tell me what you want.” He reiterates before placing his lips back onto your neck, biting down making it harder for you to form a coherent sentence.

“I-i don’t know.” You say breathily but he chuckles in your ear, “yes you do love, tell me what you want so I can make you feel good.” He says as he gently tugs at your underwear, you whine and raise your hips off the bed to allow him to take it off faster. He tisks, “I need to hear you say it.” You look up at him to meet his gaze, “I want you to touch me.”

His gaze hardens, “spread your legs doll.” He orders.

He shifts his position and allows you to spread your legs before slotting himself in between them. He taps his fingers against your hips silently asking you to raise them. You shyly lift them to the best of your ability and let him pull them off of you, your arousal clinging to your underwear and clit.

Once you’re completely naked, he brings his lips to your chest and roughly kisses your skin, his tongue probing at your nipple. You whimper when he bites your left nipple, the feeling overwhelming. He pulls back and looks at your bare body.

“Fuck you’re so beautiful.” He mumbles before leaning down to toy with your pussy.

“You’re so wet too. Did our kissing turn you on so much, love?” Jake asks, smirking down at you. your face heats up at his words but you don’t respond. He looks back down at your pussy and shifts his position so he’s laying down in front of your pussy. He lets his pointer finger circle your clit for a little before running it along the slit of your folds. You let out a mewl at the feeling wanting more. “P-please Ja..” You moan.

“Patience, love.”

He dips one finger into you and you hiss at the feeling. It’s been a while since you’ve been touched down there and you’re extremely sensitive. “You’re so tight,” he says, pushing his finger deeper until the entire digit is buried snuggly inside you. You close your eyes and tug at the bedsheets, loving the feeling of him fingering you.

You’re a moaning mess by the time he manages to slide his whole finger into you. You clench around his fingers as he slides them in and out of your snatch and grasp onto your bedsheets. “Does it feel nice to be stuffed with my fingers?” Jake asks.

You know your voice will fail you so you adamantly nod your head. Jake picks up the pace and your hips move to his strokes. Jake licks his lips when he feels your walls clenching tightly around his digits.

“I-i think I’m close.”

His fingers curl inside of you which causes your hips to jerk upwards. “Are you cunning?” He asks cheekily.

You nod eagerly, “yes!” your eyes snap shut as you enjoy the feeling, “o-oh my gosh” you cry as you feel him kiss the inside of your thighs. He trails the kisses upwards until he’s face to face with your pussy and places a soft kiss on the nub before sucking on it, his tongue flicking around. He pulls his pointer and middle finger out so he can eat you out freely.

He licks the slit of your folds and firmly grips the flesh of your thighs most likely leaving marks.  Marks that would remind you of this moment later on.

Jake picks up the pace, he’s going so fast that you let out a quiet scream. You fist and unfist your sheets as you rock your hips against his face and come.

Your orgasm hits you so hard that tears fill your vision.

Jake allows you to ride out your high before coming up from your private parts and leans back down to place a chaste kiss on your lips.

“Are you feeling alright love?” He asks as he strokes your hair. You’re heaving, trying to catch your breath.

“Yes.”

“Do you want to continue?”

You nod but then remember Jake wants verbal responses, “I do.”

Jake wastes no time in removing his shorts and boxers and gently moves up your body. you wrap your arms around his neck. “C-can you be gentle?” You sheepishly ask.

Your question sends an immediate reaction to Jake’s dick, he swears he could have busted a nut right then and there. “Of course doll, I'll be gentle.”

He tentatively strokes your folds with two fingers, eyes darting back up to yours to check your response. You hiss, still a bit sensitive. “Is this okay? Are you sensitive?”

“I’m fine,” you assure, “go ahead, I’m okay.”

He nods, gathering some of your wetness and smears it on his cock, a moan of relief leaving his swollen lips. “I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be buried inside of you,” he says, angling himself better and positioning his cock near your entrance.

“Please,” you whimper, biting back a cry once his length breaches your entrance. Jake lets out a guttural growl, slowly sinking into you and bottoming out letting you adjust to his length.

“You’re so beautiful.” Jake says, rolling his hips torturously slow. “You were made for me, love. Just for me.”

You open your eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’m ready, you can move now.”

Jake leans forward to place a kiss on your cheek, then on your jaw, and then on your neck. As Jake busies himself there he slowly begins to thrusts in and out of you.

Your hands are all over him; clawing his back, gripping his biceps. “Love,” he whispers, “you feel so good.”

The sound of your bodies slapping against each other plus your loud wanton moans and the creaking from the bed is all that can be heard reverberating around in the home. He thrusts two more times, his hips stuttering before he chokes out, “mm gonna cum.”

You scratch at his sides and bite your lip to suppress your moan, “m-me too.”

“You can cum love,” Jake coos. He wraps his arms around you and hugs you closer to his body, the feeling of your chest pressed against him and his dick pounding into you is enough to send you over the edge.

“I’m cumming!” You mumble into his skin. Jake groans at the feeling of you cumming on his dick before his hips still and he comes inside you painting your walls white.

His lips are on your shoulders and neck, softly sucking on patches of your skin and murmuring sweet nothings as you calm down.

“Fuck.”

Jake pulls out and looks down at the mess of the sheets, now that he’s no longer caught up in his lustful haze it dawns on him that the two of you didn’t use protection. So much for smart choices.

As if now remembering yourself you shrug, “I’ll just grab a plan b tomorrow.”

Jake nods, “I’ll send you the money for it.”

His body then drops to lay beside you and he pulls you in close with the promise of a hot shower after a few minutes of decompressing. You roll over and sit up, swatting Jake’s hands away as he reaches for your arm. “Wait, I have something for you.”

He hums, interest piqued. “Huh?”

You open the bedside drawer where you had hidden the card you had written for Jake before the two of you left Brisbane. It was a love letter, all the things you’ve ever wanted to tell him but kept to yourself out of fear. It holds all the words your heart so desperately wants to tell him before he leaves.

“It’s not anything extravagant but I know you care more for sentimental things anyway.” You hand him the card, “don’t read it until you’re on the plane.”

He looks at the light pink envelope decorated in stickers and his name written in neat calligraphy in the center, the faintest smile on his face but a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“I love you.”

The way he says it sounds different from all the other times he’s ever told you. Almost as if he needs to convince you that he loves you but you know. He places one last kiss to your lips before pulling you back down to cuddle.

“I’m going to miss you.”

Jake hums, “me too.”

The room slips into a comforting silence and eventually you drift off.

8:41am

You wake up feeling cold. You whine and feel around for Jake’s body but when you feel nothing you open your eyes and softly call out for him. “Jake?”

When you’re met with no response you sit up and look around the still dark room. You stand from the bed and reach for your shirt that was still on the ground. You hadn’t intended to fall asleep, it was only meant to be a quick nap before the two of you took a shower together and watched movies until it was time for you to head to the airport.

“Jake? If you’re trying to scare me, give up.”

You’re still met with silence and you begin to feel uneasy. “Jake?”

You search the living room and your heart drops. His things are gone, his shoes, his suitcases. Everything. You run back to the room to see if it’s really true, if Jake left without saying goodbye. What you find breaks your heart even more. All his toiletries are gone, all that's left are your belongings. You let out a sob when you find the love letter you had written for him laying atop his pillow, opened and crumpled at the sides, proof he had read it but didn’t care enough to take it with him.

You drop on to the bed in shock and disbelief, tears sitting in your waterline. You turn to look beside you, staring at the letter as if it had burned you, the only trace that Jake was ever here is his scent in the sheets. You look at the alarm clock to see if you’ll be able to make it to the airport on time and bid him a proper farewell, your heart sinks once again when you realize you’re far too late. It’s 8:50 and his flight leaves in ten minutes. You sniff and decide to not dwell on it, Jake probably had his reasons and you have to get ready to go home.

You strip out of your shirt and discard it on the floor before walking into the bathroom to start your shower. You step into the shower, toes flinching as they touch the chilled ceramic floor. Your mind is in shreds; how could Jake leave without a goodbye? You turn the dial, releasing thousands of frigid drops, wetting your hair and trickling down your back. Your eyes fall closed and images of last night cross your mind.

You want to scream. Did last night not mean as much to him as it did to you? Was this all so he could fuck and just leave? You wrap up your shower and step out to brush your teeth. When finished, you dry off and head for your suitcase to pick out an outfit. You settle on sweatpants and an old graphic tee with slides. Once dressed and ready for your journey back, you finish your packing and look around the house one last time to see if maybe Jake left anything for you, maybe even an explanation. All you find is a plan b box on the kitchen counter next to a water bottle. You pick up the pill box and exit promptly and throw your things in the back of Jake’s car. You look down at the passenger seat where the letter you had written for him sits. You pick it up and examine it one last time before shoving it deep into your backpack.

Maybe this was less painful than having to say goodbye.

It in fact was not less painful. A day passed, then two, then a week, then a month. You stared at your phone at all hours of the day, calling and texting waiting for confirmation that he had arrived safely and an explanation on why he went ghost but it never came.

You started your senior year alone. That was the first time you ever realized just how dependent you were on Jake, you had no other friends to go to the movies with, you spent your senior appreciation week alone, you had no one to make plans with when the weekend would roll around. Maybe you should have made deeper connections. You slowly started to lose sight of the end goal, Harvard had always been your dream but your mind was in too much turmoil to see it meaning anything without Jake, your heart can’t stand to be near him but not have a connection to him. You had heard from his mother that he had settled in at Yale and was enjoying his time abroad. You never told your parents what happened down in Sydney, you couldn’t bring yourself to talk about it without crying.

Eventually you began to decline, your grades took a hit and your GPA dropped from the perfect 4.5 it had been sitting at for the past four years to a 3.2. You started failing your core classes and you were kicked off of the varsity volleyball team. Your parents couldn’t understand the sudden change in you. You stopped talking to them, stopped going to your tutoring sessions and stopped caring about life itself. You would only go to school when you felt like it and come straight home before locking yourself in your bedroom. When time came to send in your college applications you didn’t know what to do. You knew Harvard wouldn’t want you and you never considered any other options. You sat down with your guidance counselor and she gave you some options. The majority consisted of staying in Australia, letting you know it didn’t seem possible to go abroad. You limited your application process to four schools, two in Australia and two in Massachusetts. If Harvard didn’t want you, maybe a private school would grant you admission and you could transfer in your sophomore year.

As much as you wanted to be far away from him, Massachusetts happened to have all the top schools that were realistic for you. You applied to Northeastern and Boston college. Neither were the ivy leagues you were hoping to attend but private institutions nonetheless. You sent in your applications for early action, praying you would get in and get to leave Australia behind. You were suffocating here.

Luckily for you, your acceptance letter came from Northeastern and you were quick to accept. You were waitlisted for Boston College and accepted to both Australian unis but you had decided where you were going. You toured Northeastern in the spring with your mom, you both absolutely fell in love with the campus. It was right in the middle of the city, across from the train system making getting around easy. You got to meet the girl you would be dorming with, Avianca; Avi for short. She was very bubbly and sweet, and very opinionated. She had grown up in Boston with her mother and two brothers. Her mother was unable to join the two of you so you went out to brunch with her and your mother. After that your mother left the two of you to go shopping for some things for your dorm.

“Are you excited to start in the fall?” Avi asked as the two of you browsed targets room decor.

You shrug and hug yourself, “I guess.”

Avi stops to look at a large beige throw pillow, “that's all? Aren’t you excited for the new experiences?” She looks up at you, “the boys?”

You play with the tag of the pillow in her hand. “I-” you hesitate and she picks up on it.

“Unless…” she smirks up at you, “you have a boyfriend?”

You pause. Could you even consider Jake a boyfriend? He never officially asked you to be his girlfriend but the two of you did way more than what other couples do in a lifetime. As if reading your mind Avi hums.

“Ahh, I see. It’s complicated?”

“I guess you could call it that.”

She tosses the pillow into the cart, “is it over?”

You continue walking down the aisle as you think back to Jake, this would be your first time ever saying what went down outloud. You were hesitant to tell your parents because of how close they were with Jake, you didn't want this affecting their perspective of him but Avi doesn’t know him, she’s unbiased. And that’s how you found yourself crying inside a target finally opening up about just how hurt you were by Jake’s actions.

Once you finish telling her your story from start to finish, Avi is embracing you. “Jake is a dick. You did not deserve that. I’m so sorry.”

Avi spends the rest of your time together comforting you. She lets you rant about Jake and gives you her two cents every now and then. You felt a little embarrassed at how much you were crying but Avi was quick to reassure you letting you know it was actually time you let it all out. The two of you exchanged numbers before parting ways again and she made you promise to keep in touch with her while you were back home in Australia until your move-in day and that's exactly what you did.

After flying back home you slowly started to rebuild. Jake isn’t a part of your life anymore and you can’t continue to wallow in your self pity. It was time to let go and move on, you would be starting your freshman year of college in four months. You don’t want to be stuck up on someone who wasn’t even thinking of you.

You took the time to learn new hobbies as you didn’t have volleyball to lean on. You took up baking for a bit before getting bored and moving on to painting. You learned how to knit and made yourself some mittens and a scarf to prepare for the cold Boston weather. You even took up photography, opening up a private instagram account to post your pictures as you traveled around Europe during June. It was a graduation gift from your father, you had stops in France, Wales, Germany and Spain. You spent a month traveling before heading back south.

You flew to New Zealand before officially going home to explore the mountains, it was a nice reset. Jake had promised to visit with you but it never happened and you weren’t putting things on hold for him anymore. You would facetime with Avi every night, brainstorming ideas for your room and your plans for welcome week. She had no intention of staying in your dorm that first week before classes started.

At first you were hesitant, going to raves and frat parties meant the inevitable. The possibility of running into Jake would be significantly higher and if you didn’t run into him there was still the fact that you would be approached by some man before the night was over. You had expressed to Avi how you couldn’t see yourself entering a relationship anytime soon. You had yet to fully heal from Jake and the thought of being that vulnerable again terrified you.

She only listened before reminding you that you didn’t have to date every guy that said hi. Some below the belt touching and harmless flirting never hurt anyone. She went on to ramble about how you’re entering your prime and have an insanely hot aussie accent that could help you secure any guy you wanted. You zoned out once she started asking you if you could moan for her so she could take pointers.

Your parents could see the shift in you and it brought them relief, they felt more at ease to send you abroad now that you were in a better mental headspace. You left two weeks before classes started to move in and get accustomed to the new environment. Your parents came to help you and Avi move in before leaving to go back home.

It’s now nighttime and you’ve just officially finished decorating.

“So, there’s this rave at slackers tonight, wanna go?”

You turn to look at Avi from your bed as she sits at her desk organizing her makeup. You snort, “as if I have a choice.” She looks up at you grinning.

“Glad you’re aware! Now get up and go shower, you’re all sweaty and doors close at 8!”

You roll your eyes but listen to her nonetheless. You stumble out of your bed and walk towards your closet to try and brainstorm what to wear. “Is there a theme?”

Avi hums, “yeah early 2000’s.”

You scan your wardrobe to see what you can find before deciding upon a baby blue butterfly top you had gotten off of amazon and a mini cargo skirt. For shoes you settle on some old Nike air forces knowing they would be demolished by the end of the night. You head over to the bathroom and begin getting ready. You try not to take too long, making sure to properly wash your body but you don’t take the time to exfoliate. Once drying off and exiting you make quick work of getting dressed and sitting beside Avi to start your makeup while she works on styling her hair. You don’t take too long for your makeup, choosing to opt for a more natural look and go for a half up/half down hairstyle with two strands out in the front.

Once you’re both ready, you grab your student ID’s and bags before heading out and start the five minute walk to the T. As you’re waiting for the train to arrive you take pictures with Avi to post and make a new story post of the sun setting. Once the green train arrives the two of you hop on and head towards the party venue.

By the time you arrive, the line is still relatively short and you’re inside in under thirty minutes. You scan your surroundings, the club lights are too bright and strobing too fast, just asking for someone to seize. The dance floor is crowded with people and there are drunks stumbling all around you.

Avi spins on her heels and smirks up at you, “what are the odds you get a stranger to buy us drinks?”

You quickly shake your head. “Zero! I’ve never done this before Avi!”

She shrugs, “so? Have you seen yourself? You look so hot, ____.” She makes it a point to slap your ass. “You have all the right assets on display, you just have to use them to your advantage.”

You gasp and rub your sore bottom, “okay one, never do that again. Two, why don’t you get a guy to buy us drinks? Put those tits to good use.”

She smirks. “I was already planning on it. But seriously, I promised to help you get over Jake and what better way to do that than getting under a new man?”

You groan. “Sleeping around isn’t going to help me get over Jake.”

“What makes you think he hasn’t done the same?” You furrow your brows at her and she scoffs. “Come on ____, he’s been in the city for a year while you were on the other side of the world. Jake is hot and I’m sure he knows it just like other girls in Connecticut probably do too, what would really have stopped him from getting his dick wet?”

You stay silent, deep down you know Avi is just being truthful and realistic. Jake had no obligations to you and no one to get in his way of whoring around if he really wanted to as much as it may hurt you.

“Okay.”

Avi’s brows shoot up in shock. “Okay? That’s really all it took?”

You nod firmly, “I’m done putting my life on pause for him. Besides, a little flirting never hurt anyone, right?”

Avi squeals and claps her hands together. “Perfect! I better see you throwing it back on some guy before the night ends!”

The two of you decide to part ways to find your prey of the night. Avi makes quick work of heading to the bar where the older men are to see if she can score some drinks while you idle around the dance floor, scoping out the faces to see who you wanted to make a move on. Before you can set your sights on someone, you feel the warmth of a body behind you though they’re not quite pressing against you yet. It doesn’t feel bad, and neither do the fingertips ghosting along the curve of your waist. You press into their touch a little more. The tentative fingers at your waist get more firm once they realize you’re open to their touch.

“Wanna dance?,” the body behind you asks, lips brushing the shell of your ear. It makes chills prick at your skin. You bite your lip to keep from smiling at the sensation. Your hand goes to cover the bigger one on your waist. You’ve missed being this close to someone. 

You intentionally keep the touch constant when you turn around in their hold. Their palm slides along your body till it’s settling on your lower back just above the swell of your ass.

When you look up, your reply gets caught in your throat.

The owner of the warm body behind you is handsome, strikingly so. Tall, strong. Smile dreamy with dimples, and eyes dark. He gives you a soft grin accompanied by an encouraging nod, wanting you to say what you can’t seem to get out.

“Uh–” you sputter with a wince, before clearing your throat, “Where’s the fun in asking?”

You can’t hear his laugh over the music, but you can tell he’s amused by the way his chest rumbles, and how his eyes curl. The hand at the base of your spine moves to your hip, squeezing gently.

His other hand is moving, too, and you track it until it’s tucking some hair behind your ear. You go still and flush when he leans down to your ear again. “If you insist,” he tells you. You don’t get to respond before he’s forcefully turning you back around and pressing his body into yours. The song changes to an upbeat caribbean mix and the sexy stranger has you bent over, one hand in your hair as a makeshift ponytail and the other resting at the base of your spine as he sensually moves his hips to the beat of the song, practically humping you. You can feel yourself getting wet as his clothed dick brushes against your vagina, your miniskirt and thong barely hiding anything. You begin whining your waist to meet his thrust giving those around you a show. Soon, a circle forms around the two of you as people turn on their camera to film. When the song finally ends the two of you separate and the crowd disperses. Some guys stick around though, hoping you would part form your dance partner and give them a chance to feel you humping them but you never get the chance. The stranger leans down to your ear, “I’m Jungwon.”

You smirk and respond with your name. “I’m, ____. Clearly you’ve done this before Jungwon.” 

Jungwon briefly looks surprised, eyes widening like a child before he’s laughing. “Ah,” he muses, guiding your arms to drape over his shoulders, your hands interlocking behind his neck. His hands do the same around your waist as he pulls you a little closer. “Perhaps but clearly the same goes for you.”

There’s a flutter in your tummy that you haven’t felt in months and it’s exciting. Makes you giddy as you blink up at him sultrily.

“Are you complaining?” you ask him.

He adamantly shakes his head, “Of course not, as long as you’re not in a relationship no complaints over here.”

You cock your head to the side. “I don’t do relationships.” You wait a beat before asking, “Is that what you’re looking for?”

He looks up like he’s thinking. Then he’s shrugging. Crowding your space, cheek brushing yours as he talks into your ear again, he answers, “I want what you want.”

Jungwon doesn’t move out of your space like the times he did before, instead pulling you into him a bit more, making your space his space too. Lips brush against the corner of your jaw, just below your ear. Teasing, yet sure. 

“I want to forget–” Your hand twines into the hair at the nape of his neck when he nips softly at your earlobe, making you gasp quietly, interrupting yourself. “–about someone.”

He lets out a smug sound of understanding. “That sounds doable,” you hear him say, before he purrs confidently, “Let me help you.”

Just as the two of you lean in for a kiss you’re interrupted by the calling of your name.

“____!” You pull away to find Avi stumbling towards you. When she’s close enough, she grips onto your shoulders to try and keep herself up. “H-help.”

You look at her in worry and try to balance her but she’s quickly becoming more and more unstable, her words slurring and her body becoming limp. You begin to panic, “Avi? Avi! You’re scaring me, what's wrong!?”

Jungwon steps in to help you hold her up. “Shit, I think she was laced.”

Your eyes dart to his in worry, sensing your panic Jungwon tries to calm you down. “There’s a hospital nearby. I’ll call an uber and we can head over.”

You nod, trying to steady yourself for Avi’s sake. The two of you make quick work of ushering her out of the building and outside to help her get some fresh air while Jungwon orders the uber. It’s there in seven minutes and the three of you rush to the nearest children's hospital.

Once you arrive, Jungwon hands over Avi to the medical staff while you try and give them the information they need to admit her. She’s rushed into the emergency bay while you and Jungwon are told to sit in the waiting area while they pump her stomach.

“It’s going to be okay. We got her here in time, I’m sure the doctors have everything under control.” Jungwon says as he takes a seat beside you. It’s clear you’re distraught and don’t know what to do but it’s also clear that what you need right now is not only reassurance but a friend. Your shoulders slump instantly and you nod despondently. Cautiously Jungwon entwines your hands together, lacing your fingers with his.

He shifts, leaning his body into you allowing you to cuddle into him for some warmth, your lack of proper clothing clearly not helping. You bite your lip to keep in the tears before resting your head against his shoulder. You close your eyes, basking in his comforting presence, letting both his words and presence wash over you and ease your worries.

The both of you sit in silence for long, drawn-out moments before you finally speak up. “I’m sorry, this probably isn’t how you wanted to spend your night.” You pull away and wrap your arms around yourself, “you can go if you’d like.”

Sensing your guilt and apprehension, Jungwon shakes his head softly and removes his bomber jacket to hand to you. You stare at it for a second before taking it and putting it on. “It definitely isn’t how I saw my night going but you clearly need a friend, it wouldn’t be right to leave you alone.”

You twiddle your fingers, “why are you being so nice to me?”

He purses his lips in thought, showcasing his dimples. “Like I said before, it’s clear you need a friend. You’re obviously going through something with a guy you probably really like and your friend is in the hospital after getting laced. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

You blink at him, embarrassed that he read you so easily. “I-” You cut yourself off and look away, feeling the tears start to well up. “I feel so lost and alone.”

Jungwon slowly reaches for you and brings you in for a hug, letting you cry into his chest. “I moved to this stupid city all by myself and now I miss my parents, I miss my home and worst of all I miss him. Avi is the only friend I have and I can’t help but feel like her being in this position is all my fault! She only wanted to go out to help me move on a-and we made this stupid bet about getting guys to buy us drinks and now she’s getting her stomach pumped!” You angrily rant to Jungwon, overwhelmed by the events that have transpired within the last twenty-four hours.

He listens, gently rubbing your back as you let it all out. “It’s normal to miss your life back at home, going to college is hard enough, let alone having to move to a different continent. I understand the guilt you’re feeling but I doubt Avi is mad at you for what happened, you weren’t the one who drugged her.”

You sniffle and wipe at your nose with the sleeve of his jacket, “I guess so.” You pull away from his wet chest to wipe away the remainder of your tears. “I’m scared.” You softly admit.

“Of what?”

“Being alone again.” You whisper, you can’t help but wonder if Jungwon will stay after this, if Avi will be okay enough to stay for the semester. You pray you don’t lose either of them.

“Good thing I don’t plan on leaving.” Jungwon offers with a soft smile, you look up at him gratefully and wrap him in a hug.

“Thank you.”

The two of you spend the rest of the night in the ER, the doctors eventually come to fetch the two of you to join Avi, letting you know that she’ll be just fine and able to return home the following day. Jungwon stays true to his word and doesn’t leave your side until it’s time for Avi to get discharged. The three of you clamber into the back of the Uber Jungwon ordered and drive to your dorms. While sitting at Avi’s bedside the three of you began conversing about anything and everything. You found out that Jungwon was also a freshman at Northeastern majoring in Biochem. On top of that, he was living in the same dorm as you-his room only two doors down.

Once you arrive, you bid farewell to Jungwon with the promise of grabbing breakfast with him and his roommate Beomgyu the following morning before heading into your own room.

“He’s cute.” Avi says as she gently takes a seat on the couch.

“Jungwon?”

She hums, “sweet kid.”

You nod absentmindedly as you gather your bathroom supplies. “I guess so.”

Friday November 15th - present day

Three months have passed since the beginning of the semester and it’s safe to say that you’re beginning to feel at home in the city. Jungwon stayed true to his word and didn’t leave you. In fact, there was never a moment where you were alone. If you weren’t at Snell studying with Jungwon, you were at your dorm watching shows with Avi or at the dining hall grabbing lunch with Beomgyu. 

The four of you have truly become inseparable these past few months and you’re so grateful for the support they provide. It’s nice to finally have other people to rely on rather than having to rawdog life alone. When the four of you aren’t absolutely swamped with homework you grab dinner together at one of the dining halls before going back to your place for a movie night. Tonight happens to be one of those nights.

“Wollastans hands down has the best snack options,” Beomgyu says as he empties the grocery bag onto your living room floor. Avi hums and takes a seat beside him on the floor in front of the TV.

“That they do.” She reaches for the pack of gummy bears and offers some to Jungwon who’s laid on your couch arms wide open as he smiles up at you waiting for you to take your rightful seat in between his legs. He takes a handful of gummies and thanks Avi before patting his chest.

“Hurry up princess, I'm getting cold.”

You scoff and roll your eyes before kicking off your shoes and making your way across the threshold to plop down in between his arms. “What are we watching tonight?” You ask. Jungwon taps your cheek silently asking you to open up, you do and he plops a cherry bear into your mouth.

“Interview with the vampires.” Beomgyu replies as he ques up the show. Once it’s ready to go Avi hands you a blanket to cover yourself with before she cuddles up to Beomgyu, the two of them whispering to each other lost in their own world. You smile softly at them, you and Jungwon have a running bet of how long it was going to take before the two crack and just get together. They’re adamant that they’re just friends but it’s clear as day feelings are there.

You feel Jungwon wrap his arm securely around your waist before he places a soft kiss atop your head.

As touchy and flirty as the two of you are, you’re just friends. Once Jungwon made it clear he was here to stay you found the confidence to open up to him about Jake. You told him about the ghosting, the sex, how much he meant to you and how you don’t think you’ll ever love someone the way you love him or even be ready for a relationship anytime soon. Jungwon understood and made his intentions clear, he just wanted to make you happy. If that meant putting his feelings on the backburner and doing things your way so be it.

It wasn’t a fair deal at all, Jungwon devoted almost all of his time to you, he would walk you home from your late lectures, wake up at five am to run to Tatte to buy you breakfast before your eight ams, turn down girls who approached him in hopes that when you were ready you’d come running to him.

He did it all without complaint, he loves you fully and without restraint. He’s loved you from the start, he loves you the way you wish Jake had.

You can’t help but think about where Jake would fit in your life now. You’ve changed and made sure your new life left no room for him, you tailored your life to make sure Jake could never waltz back in and destroy all the progress you’ve made. You don’t think he’ll fit in with your group of friends anyhow. As this year has come and passed, you replaced Jake with Jungwon. It’s hard to picture Jake falling back into the role of being your only friend in your life.

You have Avi, Beomgyu and Jungwon. They look out for you and make sure to take care of you. It’s a reciprocal friendship, they’re pouring into you just as much as you pour into them if not more.

You snap out of your thoughts when Jungwon softly pinches your side. “You zoned out, are you okay?”

You nod your head and play with his fingers under the blanket. “Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my life.”

You feel him take in a sharp breath before pulling you into him even more. “I’m the lucky one.”

___

As the movie night comes to a close, you sit up from Jungwon’s hold to stretch, your friends following your actions. You reach for your phone to check the time to see if you can squeeze in one more movie.

“It’s only nine, we can start another show or watch a movie.” You offer

Jungwon wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you in closer to his side, “I don’t have anything to do tomorrow, I’m down.”

Avi stands up and clears her throat. “Actually can we go out?”

Beomgyu looks up at her questioningly, “wanna ride the blue bikes around campus?”

She shakes her head, “a Harvard frat is hosting to-”

“Absolutely not.” You cut her off. You haven’t been to another college party since the one at slackers, the sight of Avi getting drugged permanently put you off from the party scene.

She huffs, “why not!?”

You give her an incredulous look. “Are you being serious? You were drugged the last time we went to one, I don’t want to see you in the ER again!”

The boys can sense the growing tension, Beomgyu stands and tries to calm Avi and Jungwon soothingly rubs your arms.

“It was one time! I won’t drink this time!”

“I still don’t feel comfortable.” She throws her hands up and turns to pout at Beomgyu knowing it’s a weakness of his.

“Yah! this is between the two of you, stop pouting at me.” He says in response before turning on his heel to head to your kitchen to raid it for some more food. You huff and turn to Jungwon to have him plead your case but he only shakes his head, he knows better than to get in between the two of you.

“Uh-uh, No. You two figure this out.”

He stands from his seat beside you to go join Beomgyu in the kitchen.

Avi takes Jungwon’s seat and grabs your hands. “I promise I won’t drink! I know better now and the guys will be there! You know they won’t let anything happen to either of us! Come on, _____ please!”

You sigh and shift your attention to the boys goofing off in your kitchen, Avi is right. The boys wouldn’t let the two of you out of their sight, especially Jungwon as he was there for the last party the three of you had attended.

“Fine.”

The living room of the frat is completely packed, people are scattered around the home, either dancing in a large group in the middle of the living room, relaxing in the kitchen with drinks in hand or smoking blunts upstairs. Something that definitely doesn’t go unnoticed by you is the hordes of couples pressed up against each other and the walls, making out and grinding against each other for the entirety of the house to see without a single care in the world.

You turn to face your friends, “an hour tops then we’re out of here!”

Avi playfully rolls her eyes, “aye aye captain.”

She grabs Beomgyu’s hand and they walk into the midst of the party leaving you with Jungwon. “Want to grab a drink with me?”

You pull your attention away from a guy who’s completely wasted and forcing another to a dance off to Jungwon who’s standing next to you. You shrug, “sure.”

You both exit from the hallway where your little group had clustered and enter the kitchen to grab a drink. Jungwon hands you a water bottle but you nudge away his hand and reach for a red solo cup to pour yourself a shot of tequila. You knock it back and move down the counter to pour yourself some of the punch.

Jungwon watches you in worry as you pucker your lips at the taste of the punch, “I thought no drinking tonight.”

“No drinking for Avi. Plus it’s for the nerves.”

He nods at you and takes a sip of his water. “What has you on edge?”

You look around the kitchen sadly before confessing what’s weighing on your heart. “It feels so odd being here, it was my dream for so long and now it’s just some other school down the block.”

Jungwon hums before scanning the area himself. “Do you regret choosing Northeastern?”

You sigh, “I..” you trail off to really think through your answer. Northeastern has become more than a safety net. You have a family here because of the school, people who love and care about you without restraint and would be crushed if you up and left them. You also can’t help but feel as though there’s a double meaning to Jungwon’s question. “I don’t think so, more so mourning what could have been here.”

Jungwon nods, “are you still thinking about transferring?”

You shake your head. “No, I think it’s time to close the chapter on this time period in my life.”

Jungwon stills beside you, to him, Harvard = Jake and the life you lived with him back at home in Australia, does this mean this is finally the end of you and that dirtbag?

You smile and place your arms around Jungwon’s neck. “I think it's time to start focusing on what I have here at Northeastern…with you.”

Jungwon swears he feels his heart stop at your words, are you finally going to give him a chance? His eyes suddenly gleam with mischief as he rests his hands on your waist and squeezes you a little tighter and yanks you towards him, bodies just centimeters apart as you crash into his chest, all up in each other’s personal space.

Your eyes widen in complete surprise. 

“Are you saying what I think you are?” He teases with a stupidly lowered tone, a smug grin decorating his face. 

You ignore the electricity shooting through you, rolling your eyes and playfully sneer at him. “Don’t be smug, I can still change my mind, you know.” You force space between you two and try removing his hands from your waist but his grip transforms into an iron lock. 

“You wouldn’t.” 

“Try me.”

He pulls you in close and leans in to whisper, “yeah? Then who's gonna do this?” He doesn’t wait for you to question him, leaning in right away to place his lips on yours and cage you between him and the kitchen counter. Your eyes blow out, taken by surprise until you find yourself quickly melting into the kiss, hands gripping his shoulders tighter. Jungwon can’t help himself from opening up his mouth to catch more of yours, lips sensually kissing yours in a slow, unhurried pace. 

You instantly love the way he kisses, completely taken by his pillowy, delicate lips. 

Jungwon doesn’t care if your lipstick smudges onto him or how brash the public display of affection seems; all he cares about is the soft feeling of your lips against his own for the first time and the fact that you’re willing to be his.

He knows it’s going to stay on his mind for weeks. 

You’re beginning to get lost until he disconnected your mouths, only looking at each other with overwhelming feelings and shimmering eyes that depict how nervous you are for this new step.

“Wanna dance with me?” You shyly ask.

Jungwon smirks, his mind recalling the first time he ever met you at that slackers party. “Where’s the fun in asking?” He mocks, you roll your eyes at the familiarity of his words before dragging him out of the kitchen and into the living room to dance away your inhibitions.

The two of you make your way to the center of the room knowing once you start dancing, all eyes will be on you. Jungwon squeezes your hips one last time before turning you around and helping you slowly grind down on him to the beat of the song, once you have a steady rhythm going on he begins to buck his hips to meet your pace.

Just like that night at slackers, you’re bent over whining your waist against Jungwon and catching the attention of those around you. Jungwon sneaks one arm around your front and gently squeezes at your right boob under your crop top, getting turned on by how your butt applies the right amount of pressure to his cock every time you bounce off of it and the lustful gaze of those watching. He could cum in his pants. You have to bite your bottom lip to keep from moaning.

As the song comes to a close Jungwon releases you and places a kiss against the base of your neck, “I’m going to grab us drinks, stay right here baby.”

You nod and let him remove himself from you completely to go get the two of you drinks, you turn around to see if you could potentially find Beomgyu or Avi and spend some time with them until he returns but before you even get the chance to fully scope out the area you feel someone grab onto your wrist and spin you around.

You’re about to tell the stranger off but your words get caught in your throat when you turn around to find a tall blonde man dressed in all black staring you down. You exhale sharply at the way he seemingly undresses you with his eyes.

“You sure know how to put on a show, princess.”

You feel your face heat up a bit at the use of pet name and being called out on the way you were just dry humping Jungwon. Not knowing what to say you wait for him to continue. Picking up on that, the stranger continues, “I’m Jay, what’s your name darling?”

“____” you breathlessly let out.

He hums and pulls you in closer, “sexy name for a sexy girl, who’s that guy? Your boyfriend?”

His hands travel down to grab at your ass over your leggings and you have a feeling that even if you were taken, Jay wouldn’t care.

You bite down a moan at the way he caresses your ass, taking turns between rolling the flesh and pinching it every now and then. He lands a sharp slap to your bottom when you don’t answer, his patience running thin. “Answer me princess.”

You shake your head, “n-no I’m si-”

Before you can finish your statement Jay gets ripped away from you by another male who huffs out in playful annoyance. “C’mon mate, it’s my birthday and you’re ditching me for some action?”

This time, your blood truly runs cold. Standing in front of you in all his glory for the first time in a year and three months is Sim Jaeyun. His eyes sweep over to you and the smile that was just gracing his face begins to slowly fall. Your eyes greedily take him in. You notice he’s dyed his hair back to black and grown it out a bit, parting it in the middle like you used to do for him during your walk to school. His shoulders also seem a bit wider, did he start working out? You even note his style has changed, gone are the tight skinny jeans and random hoodies. He’s dressed in wide legend pants paired with a simple white tee tucked in and Jordans on his feet.

“____.” He breathlessly lets out.

Hearing him call out to you breaks your heart, after all this time you thought you would be angry at him for what he did. Swearing to Avi that if you ever ran into him you were going to rip him a new one, maybe even slap him for having the audacity to hurt you the way he did. But now that you’ve been graced with the opportunity all you feel is a deep sadness, all your anger gone in that instant.

You see Jay’s eyes bug out of his head as he looks between the two of you. “She’s ____?”

Your eyes flicker over to Jay as you make the assumption Jake must have told him all about the two of you. Jake reaches a hand out to grab yours but you instantly jerk away from his touch. He doesn’t deserve it, your mind screams at you.

“Don’t.” You grit out, fighting back the tears.

Jake’s face falls even more at the malice in the simple word, heart breaking at how you avoid his touch but respects it nonetheless.

“Please, let me just ex-”

You don’t let him finish before you’re spinning on your heel and bolting out of the party. You knock into a few partygoers, the alcohol finally taking its effect. You hear muffled shouts of your name as you push past people to make it outside to the lawn. In your daze you don’t see your friends running after you.

You stumble out of the party and onto the lawn. The front of the frat house is nearly empty, save for you and a couple that’s making out on the grass. You stagger towards a bush when the overwhelming feeling of vomiting consumes you. Your stomach contracts violently and all the liquor you had consumed comes back up splattering the bushes.

“____!” You hear Jungwon call out your name before he’s kneeling beside you and holding your hair back.

You heave again and once more the contents of your stomach spray the ground. You sink to your knees and retch until only clear liquid is coming up. Your throat feels sore from the stomach acid that is layering it and your mouth tastes of vomit.

Avi kneels beside you and rubs your back soothingly as Beomgyu stands protectively in front of you, shielding you from Jake’s view as he tries to grab your attention, constantly calling your name.

“It’s alright,” you hear Jungwon whisper as you feel your stomach begin to settle. He slowly ties your hair up for you using a hair tie Avi offers and once he’s sure Avi has a steady grip on you, he’s standing to square up to Jake.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Jungwon asks. Beomgyu’s eyes widen the tiniest fraction at his roommate's question, knowing damn well he can’t fight and Jungown might be alone in this one.

Jake scoffs and steps up to Jungwon, his own annoyance at its peak. “I’m her best friend who the fuck do you think you are?”

Your friends all still at the realization of who exactly the stranger is. Avi is the first to react, scoffing at his audacity from beside you as she looks up at him.

“You know you got a lot of fucking nerve to even call yourself that. You’re the one who ghosted her, you’re the one who left. You don’t get to claim that title anymore.”

Jake falters at the harsh glare he’s receiving from your friends but he’s determined to speak to you.

“You don’t know shit.” Jay spits out from behind Jake knowing the true story as to why Jake did what he did. Albeit shitty, his friend had his reasons and he wasn’t going to let anyone shame him for the decisions he made as a kid fresh out of high school.

Beomgyu swears he sees red. “Watch it.” He says as he shoves at Jay’s chest. Jay, having none of it though, pushes back causing Jungwon and Jake to have to step in and separate their friends before things escalate.

Jake pulls his friend away and harshly whispers in his ear before Jay scoffs and walks away back into the party. Jake clears his throat and turns back to you and your friends who are all still glaring and making a protective front around you.

“Please, ____. I Just need one chance to explain myself.”

Jungwon opens his mouth to respond for you but you're quicker than him.

“No.” Your voice is firm, “you don’t get to hurt me the way you did and expect me to give you the courtesy of explaining why you chose to break my heart.”

From your seated position you can see the tears swimming in his eyes and it almost makes you crack. Almost. But you need to choose you for once. You need to stop throwing caution to the wind when it comes to Sim Jaeyun, he never once did that for you.

“You’re a year too late.”

Still determined and not deterred by your stance, Jake takes a cautious step forward, stopping when Jungwon deems he’s gotten too close and steps up as well to place a hand on Jake’s chest.

“I’m sorry, ____. I know I fucked everything up and-and that I don’t deserve another chance but please-” He chokes back a sob, “please just let me explain!” Avi rolls her eyes and helps you stand. “What good will that do? You’re right, you don’t deserve shit from her. Explaining why you’re a shitty person isn’t going to change anything.”

Although harsh, Avi is right. Hearing him out won’t change the fact that he no longer has a spot in your life, it won’t change the damage he’s caused, it won’t do anything.

“Let’s go guys.” You weekly let out, completely drained and craving the warmth of your bed.

“____!”

You ignore Jake’s call of your name and leave with your friends surrounding you, making it impossible for him to see you anymore. Your heart seizes in your chest at the desperation in his voice as he calls out to you but you keep walking, you leave him behind like he did to you all those months ago.

[November 15th, 12:35 AM]

[jake]: can we please talk?

[jake]: i’m sorry

[jake]: please

[jake]: _____?

[November 16th, 2:48 PM]

[jake]: i know you don’t want to talk to me but please let me explain ____

[jake]: i’ll leave you alone after, i swear

[November 17th, 6:15 PM]

[jake]: i’ll be at caffe nero near newbury tomorrow at 2 until they close

[jake]: please come and let me explain, i’ll leave you alone regardless of what you decide.

Jake stares down at his phone as he hits send, over the past two days he’s been sending you text messages praying you’ll respond but each one has been left on delivered. He doesn’t know if you’ve read them or even blocked him.

He tosses his phone aside and drops down on his hard dorm bed staring up at his ceiling wondering why he let things get so bad. He thought he was making the right decision for the both of you, thought he was doing right by you by leaving you alone.

Falling in love takes courage he doesn't possess at the time. You never stood a chance and it's little wonder why you felt so cheated.

Leading up to his departure from Australia everything was perfect, it was a dream. He had the girl of his dreams, a scholarship to the school of his dreams and for once- a supportive family backing every decision he made. It was new, it was different. It was scary. Jake grew up having to fight for his parents attention and had to work for their love, it was conditional, he had to be perfect. Being given it so freely and easily by you came as a shock.

He knew just how much you loved him, how much you had sacrificed over the years for him, he doesn’t deserve it now and he sure as hell didn’t think he deserved it back then. How could he love you if he barely understood how it worked? He had such a twisted view on love. At the time he thought it came with conditions, that he couldn’t love or be loved without conditions. That it was only a matter of time before the hammer dropped on your changing relationship and you began expecting more from him as a boyfriend, more that he couldn’t give.

Reading the letter was what really did it for him.

Of course he didn’t listen to you when you told him to read it once he was on the plane. He waited until you fell asleep and reached into the drawer to retrieve the letter and began reading it. Jake read it over and over again until he had it memorized, so much so that he still has it memorized to this day. He left you with the original but wrote it down on a napkin on the plane when he realized how big of a mistake it was to leave it. He sits up to walk over to his desk and retrieve his written version of the letter and begins to read it once again.

Dear Jake, my sweet angel boy,

I should have told you this right after prom: that there's this special love that I have deep within my heart. That love is only for you. It is far greater than this world. I wish I could show you how much you really mean to me. If I could only let you feel how much I really do love you in a kiss or a hug, you would begin to feel the love that I have for you.

If I could describe the love that I have for you and use lyrics of love songs or even the sonnets of Shakespeare, it would still be impossible, because the love that I love for you cannot be put into words. You've had my love from the day we met, and you will have it forever. As time goes by, my heart and love for you will keep growing stronger, brighter, and bigger.

Call me your love from this day forward. Although we have two different minds, and souls, we have one and the same beautiful heart. My love for you is unconditional. Please don’t forget that.

I love you with all my heart, body, and soul. I will never stop loving you. You are my life, my world, and everything to me. Distance may keep us apart for a short while but you will always and forever be embedded deep within my heart.

My beautiful love, you are my world and you have been since the first time I saw you. I felt love the first time I looked at you all those years ago in your backyard, and my world became a beautiful place to live in. I often ask myself, what in the world would I do without you now? I hope to never find out the answer to that question.

I’m writing you this letter to tell you how much you mean to me, and to thank you for coming into my life. You are something I never thought could exist for me. You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life, and I don't regret telling you how I feel.

I love you Sim Jaeyun, today, tomorrow, forever.

Tears swim in Jake’s eyes as he places the letter back in the depths of his desk. He wishes so badly that he didn’t run, that he stayed and talked through his fears with you but he was too much of a coward and knew deep down that you deserved better. He never deserved you to begin with and he was a fool for ever thinking a broken boy like him could ever love someone as amazing as you.

After leaving, Jake found it hard to settle into his new routine. He missed your presence every single day, finding it harder and harder to ignore your text messages asking how he was, if he had eaten, if he liked the campus.

By the time Jake had realized how big of a mistake he made and just how much of an ass he looked like, he couldn’t take it back. The damage had quite literally been done and it seemed you were moving on. The text messages stopped coming in, he was removed from your close friends and his mother no longer had any updates for him when he would ask. Apparently, you had stopped going over and it was rare to catch glimpses of you as the school year progressed.

When he had heard from his brother that you were no longer on the volleyball team he wanted to reach out and ask what happened. You loved the sport too much to just quit, especially during your senior year but Jake had a feeling he was the last person you wanted to hear from.

His first semester at Yale was nothing like he expected it to be, everything was dull and lifeless. Every day was the same routine: wake up, shower and brush his teeth, get dressed and head to lectures before studying at the library until midnight because his roommate had a girl over.

He felt like he was slowly losing his sanity. As the end of his first semester came to a close and winter break was fastly approaching Jake decided he had had enough. Yale meant nothing if you weren’t in his life. He knew at that point you had probably sent in your college applications and were practically a shoe-in for Harvard so he did what he thought would bring him peace.

He sent in his transfer application before the end of the semester to be able to start in the spring and got his acceptance right before winter break. He didn’t tell his parents about the sudden decision, knowing they wouldn’t be happy with him but he was done living in his fear. It was what caused him to lose you and he would be damned if he let it happen again.

He eventually told them once everything was set and as expected he received an earful about his decision from his father before he realized how deadset his son was on this before backing down.

Once the spring semester started Jake could slowly feel his world start to mend. Everything seemed brighter at Harvard; the physics program was easier, the people were kinder, he had friends and his new roommate wasn’t an ass.

Jay and Jake clicked the second Jake rolled his suitcases into the new room. Jay took him under his wing and treated him like a little brother. It felt nice to have someone to rely on, sure Jay wasn’t you but he slowly became someone who meant the world to him and he looked up to. Eventually Jay introduced Jake to his friends Heeseung and Sunghoon and the four became an inseparable group. The four of them truly did everything together: they took all their gen ed classes together, they attended each other's sporting events and they would often go to frats together with Jake staying sober to take care of his friends.

The guys never pushed Jake to explore the women that approached him at parties knowing his heart belonged to you. They had heard him go on and on about you on several occasions and knew he only transferred to be close to you. They admired his determination to right his wrongdoings but were truthfully skeptical if it would work. They encouraged him to just text you, arguing the more time he let pass the harder it would be to win you back but Jake argued back that this was something that couldn’t be fixed over text.

The semester flew by and Jake was increasingly getting excited. Once he had submitted his last final exam he was on the first flight back home to Australia in June. He couldn’t wait for you to start school in the fall to talk to you and he was long overdue for a trip back home, two birds with one stone. However, when he made it back home to Brisbane his dreams were once again crushed. His mother informed him about your solo trip to Europe and how your parents had sent you away under the guise of it being a graduation gift but really it was out of fear of your declining mental health.

Jake was lost, he had heard nothing about your mental state as his mother insisted she knew nothing about your life anymore when he would inquire about you over the phone. It came as a shock when his mom sat him down to tell him about you being kicked off the volleyball team rather than you just leaving like he assumed, how you no longer attended study groups and even skip school now. What came as the biggest shock was hearing you didn’t get into Harvard. Jake felt absolutely disgusted with himself.

He had caused this, he was the reason behind your suffering and yet he had the audacity to show up here thinking you would welcome him back. He was right, he really doesn’t deserve you. Look at all the pain he’s caused you and what you’ve lost in the process.

He didn’t stick around much longer after that, He flew back to the states a week before you came back from New Zealand and became hell bent on leaving you alone. He owed you that much, some peace after bringing nothing but chaos into your life.

The rest of his summer was a haze, he spent it getting high or drunk with Heeseung and Jay. He didn’t tell his friends about what he had heard from back home, the guilt eating at him but he made it clear that there would be no Jake and ____. The two of you were officially done.

Heesung and Jay were obviously worried about their friend, they knew of the love the male held for you and to see him so torn up over it that he was drinking all his inhibitions away or smoking until he was numb was alarming but they didn’t stop him.

They did however intervene towards the end of the summer when Sunghoon came back from Korea and Jake insisted the group went to an end of summer kickback. They had never seen Jake so out of it, he got so crossfaded that he passed out at the party and was unresponsive for twenty minutes.

Emergency services had to be called and the party got shut down. It was safe to say his friends were done with his shit and sat him down and forced him to talk about his emotions because they would be damned if they watched him continue down this path and eventually die from it.

That night was an eye opener for Jake and he swore he would get better, promised he would stop holding things in and be more upfront about how he was feeling. Seeing Jay cry over the possibility of his death was what really put things into perspective for him, the thought of you also possibly being torn over him dying got him to take his sobriety seriously.

His friends held him accountable as the new school year began, they cut back on frat parties, made the effort to not drink as much around him and even began being more open with each other due to Jay’s claims of “vulnerability breeds vulnerability.”

It was safe to say that Jake was finally beginning to heal. He knew sooner or later he would have to face the consequences of his actions and he was fully prepared to do so, just not so soon. It was Sunghoon’s idea to go to the frat at Kappa Alpha Theta for his birthday. Jake was fully prepared to say no and spend the day alone. This would be his second birthday spent away from you and he wanted the privacy to read through old birthday paragraphs you’ve sent him over the years and stare at the polaroids he took of you during your getaway to Sydney.

Jay and Heesung were having none of it though and insisted he needed to actually celebrate his birthday like Sunghoon said. Jake eventually caved when the three of them offered to stay sober with him. Seeing you at that party was devastating but seeing you in another man's arms was infuriating. Jake knew he had no right to be upset with you but it irked him that he was no longer the only male in your life. Jay had told him about the dance that took place before everything went to shit and Jake couldn’t help but wonder if you had fully moved on from him. Heeseung had to remind him that if you had, Jake couldn’t be upset with you, he had practically pushed you into Jungwon’s arms the second he decided to leave you behind in Australia.

“How long do you plan on staring at your phone?” Heeseung asks as he enters the younger male's room with Jay and Sunghoon trailing behind him.

Jake sighs and tosses the device to the side, “she still hasn’t responded.”

Sunghoon takes a seat beside Jake on the bed, “give her some space dude I’m sure seeing you at the party was the last thing she expected.”

Jay hums, “you did what you can. Give her space to decide what she wants.”

Jake heeds the advice of his friends. He’s inconvenienced you enough, leaving you alone to decide if you want to meet him is what you need now. He can only hope you do decide to hear him out.

“I don’t think you should go.”

You look up at Avi who’s standing above you on the couch staring down at your phone screen, contempt written all over her face. You gently sigh and lock your phone, letting it fall on the couch with a soft thud.

“I know.”

Ever since the party Jake has constantly been texting you. Avi was beyond annoyed with the male and his inability to- “leave you the fuck alone.” You would read them as they come in, unable to bring yourself to delete the messages like Beomgyu advised when you told him about them.

“Just block his number, ____.” Avi huffs, crossing her arms as she stares down at you. You look away and draw figure eights into the couch cushions as you think.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

It’s silent for a beat, you think for a few seconds before shrugging. “I don’t know.”

Avi sighs and uncrosses her arms. “You’re being selfish.”

You stop drawing imaginary shapes on the couch and fix your eyes on Avi, waiting for her to continue.

“What about Jungwon? Have you stopped to consider what this would do to him if you let Jake just waltz his way back into your life?”

You purse your lips, you haven’t talked to the younger male since the party. He’s been reaching out as well, trying to gauge how you’re feeling with the sudden appearance of Jake but you’ve yet to open them let alone respond.

“I don’t k-”

Avi groans in annoyance, cutting you off. “-I swear if you say I don’t know one more time, ____! Can’t you see how bad Jake is for you? One appearance and a few text messages and look at you! You’re not talking to us anymore, you haven’t left your bed in almost two days! Jake is toxic, this isn’t healthy!”

For some reason you want to defend his name, want to call Avi out on being a bitch but you don’t. You know she’s being logical and Jake doesn’t deserve it so you keep quiet. When she realizes her approach may have been a bit too harsh she softens a bit and takes a seat beside you.

“I’m sorry, I just-.” She cuts herself off with a deep inhale. “Jake will never love you the way Jungwon has. It’s harsh but true. Maybe Jake did have his reasons but that doesn’t change the fact that his approach was wrong. He didn’t stop to consider how hurt you would be and that’s not okay. Do you really want to be with someone who can hurt you so easily?”

She gently pats your back before continuing knowing you won’t answer. “Jake is selfish, he’s only ever cared about himself and Jungwon has only cared about you. Don’t miss out on what could be a great love with Jungwon because you’re infatuated with the idea of being with Jake.”

With that, she gets up and leaves you to stew in your thoughts. She’s right, Jungwon was the one to stay and pick up the pieces. He was the one to show you that love didn’t have to be painful, he’s patient, kind and above all absolutely madly in love with you. He healed you from the pain Jake caused so why are you self sabotaging? Who’s to say Jake won’t hurt you again? That he even has a valid reason for stringing you along?

Your phone buzzes on the couch pulling you out of your reverie. You sigh, expecting to find another text from Jake as you pick it up to look at it only to find it’s not from him but rather the other male you’ve been ignoring.

[November 17th, 7:37 PM]

[jungwon]: do you want to grab lunch with me at tatte tmr at 2?

You want to scream at how fate is playing out, now you really have to choose.

[November 18th, 2:17 PM]

You march up the sidewalk to the sound of the steady patter of rain against the pavement that leads to the little cafe that’s tucked between the huge city buildings and hidden away from view with vines crawling up its side. You come to a stop in front of the door and take a deep breath to calm yourself before entering.

A part of you is scared you’ve made the wrong decision, you want to turn around and run to him but you know you need to see this through. People love to think about the what if’s: what if I chose the wrong major? What if we weren’t meant to ever meet? What if things had just gone the way I had so desperately wanted them to?

For you, it's what could have been that plagues your mind. To you, they’re far worse than what if’s because they were within your reach, the possibility of it coming to fruition so near but never close enough.

Jake has been your biggest what could have been, your almost. You try and reason that it’s okay that you picked him in the end, you need to know why. Why your love wasn’t enough, why the two of you aren’t together, why he was so quick to give up on the two of you.

You head inside and note the cafe isn’t big, it’s small and cozy. You spot Jake easily, he’s sitting near the back by a window facing you. He offers you a hesitant smile and wave of his hand. You exhale and slowly walk towards his booth and slide into the seat across from him. He meekly slides a drink across the table.

“I know you always liked lattes so I ordered one for you, I hope you don’t mind.”

You look down at the drink he had slid over to your side. It sits prettily in a white china cup, a leaf pattern in delicate milky foam among the pale brown. You wrap your fingers around it, enjoying the heat that spreads through your hands, grateful for the little warmth it provides. You take a hesitant sip, it’s bitter, but you recall telling Jake that only babies ask for hot chocolate.

Truth is, you had stopped drinking lattes once your friendship with him ended, the drink brought back too many unwanted memories. Memories of walking to the nearest cafe in Brisbane during finals season to get your coffee fix to stay up and finish studying were too apparent and hurt too much.

You take a bigger sip and this time let the warm liquid sit on your tongue for longer. You can't smell the bitterness of coffee beans in the warm air of the cafe and you feel safe and calm for just a moment. You allow yourself to get enveloped in the smell of baking bread and let your worries slip away for just a split second.

You place the cup back onto the table and slowly come back to reality. “Thank you.”

Jake shoots a shy smile your way and shrugs, “anything for you.”

You clear your throat and sit straighter, back on alert. You fiddle with the handle of your teacup not knowing what to say. Was this a mistake after all?

Jake, sensing your hesitance, decides to speak up first. “I’m sorry.”

“Why’d you do it?”

Jake studies your face for a good minute. He notes all the subtle changes about you, he picks up on your new hairstyle and the change in your clothes. He also picks up on the awkwardness that hangs in the air, things have never been this tense between the two of you and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

“I was scared that I wouldn’t be enough.” Jake looks away for a brief moment to collect his emotions and make his apology sound as sincere as it can be. “Ever since we were nine you’ve loved me and I was scared that I would mess things up, that once we made things official you would expect more from me, more that I didn’t know how to give and that ultimately I would be the cause of your unhappiness and all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, ____.”

“I had enough love for the both of us,” you softly confess, your heart breaking at the revelation of how he truly felt at the time. “Why didn’t you just say that? Why didn’t you let me love you?”

Jake gulps, tears stinging his eyes. “Because it didn’t seem like a fair trade. You don’t deserve someone broken. I thought love came with conditions and I didn’t want to drain you.”

You frown, growing annoyed with how he declares how you feel. It irks you how his brain works, how he assumed how you would react, how you would feel rather than giving you the opportunity to brave through the motions together.

“You don’t get to just make decisions on my half.”

Jake stiffly nods. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Your hands ball up into fists, anger beginning to consume your body. “I’m sorry isn’t enough! I was in love with you Jake! I was willing to go to the ends of the earth just to see you smile! Why didn’t you just talk to me? I would have loved you enough until you could love yourself! We could have made it work!”

Jake shakes his head, “no we couldn’t have.”

You glare at him, “why the fuck not!?”

This time Jake stays silent. Your eyes challenge him though, begging him to continue. To give you one good reason as to why he walked away but he gives you nothing, once again making you look like a fool for throwing caution to the wind and picking him.

Angry tears pool in your eyes as you forcefully stand from your seat and stare down at Jake. He looks up at you in surprise and shame. “Don’t you fucking get it? Even after all this time, I’m still in love with you!” You scoff as you see his eyes widening at your confession. “And yet you still can’t be honest with me, I feel so stupid. You make me stupid Sim Jaeyun.”

You don’t wait for him to respond before you’re bolting out of the coffee shop and out into the rain. It’s coming down harder now than it was when you left. You let out a string of curses at how soaked you’re getting and at how embarrassed you feel for confessing your love to Jake.

“____! ____, wait!”

You hear him calling out to you but you don’t stop, if anything it spurs you on to walk faster. The streets of Newbury are astonishingly empty due to the rain making it seemingly easy for a clean escape. What you fail to take into account though is Jake’s ability to sprint due to years of soccer.

He grabs onto your arm and spins you around to face him, determination written all over his face.

“I don’t deserve love, ____ I don’t!” Jake can feel his head spin with hurt, pain and daunting thoughts that have always plagued his self-deprecating mind. “That’s why I walked away. I can’t be loved, not by you, not my dad, not by anyone. I’m not worthy of it… I’m not a lovable person.” 

“Oh my Gosh..” You place a hand over your mouth, emotions reaching a crescendo as you raise your voice. “Yes you are, Jake. Why do you think I’m standing here and telling you I love you? Why do you think I ever did any of the things I’ve done for you? Couldn’t you see it in the way I looked at you? In the way I touched you, the way I trusted you? You’re worth every fucking last bit of love I have.” 

“You are the greatest love I have ever known, ____. It felt selfish to keep you all to myself knowing you could have had more! Knowing I was holding you back-”

You shake your head cutting him off, “I only ever wanted you. You were always more than enough Jake and I wish you had just told me! I would have reassured you each and every time! That’s what you do when you love someone!”

Jake suddenly closes the gap between you, gripping your face intimately as he looks into your frantic eyes. “I didn’t know how to talk through my emotions, ____. I thought it was better to deal with it alone and that caused me the best thing I’ve ever had. I’m still in love with you. My feelings are so strong I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t think straight, I don’t think straight when it comes to you.” Your eyes stare back at his desperate ones, Jake trying so desperately hard to get you to understand. “I want to try again. I want to do it right this time and never let you go.”

Your lips quiver, taken aback by his warm touch and confession. Unable to resist the urge any longer, Jake slowly leans forward, one hand firmly grasping your waist, the other resting at the base of your neck, and presses your lips together. Lightning cracks overhead as the rain continues to pour down on the two of you, soaking through your clothes. But none of it matters. A warmth radiates through you as you continue kissing Jake as the world seems to melt around you. After a few moments, you slowly pull away, taking a small gasp of air. A sheepish smile creeps onto Jake’s face as you sigh against his lips, breaking eye contact for a moment before Jake plants another, shorter kiss on your lips.

“I love you, ____. I’m sorry for not trying hard enough before but please, give me another chance to love you the right way. The way you deserve. I’m not scared anymore.”

You sniffle and nod your head, “”Okay. Let’s try again. No hiding this time. I want all parts of you Jaeyun, even the parts that scare you.”

He smiles and pecks your lip one last time. “You have all of me.”