It’s A Pretty Average Day Aboard The Ship. Karen Is High Off Her Ass, Moss Is Trying To Make Friends

I feel so called out

Ever just see somebody talking to themselves in public?

Wonder what's going on in there?

Mumbling? Tics? Reciting lines? Thinking of a memory?

Or on the other side.

Talking to headmates? Alters? Imaginary friends?

You'll never know.

I like to call this phenomenon

Schrödinger's Chat

why are humans like this?

Zzgnaru and Karen are walking through the downtown area of Karen's home city. Zzgnaru notices a shop whose sign reads "Tattoo and Piercing." Xey are confused.

"Karen, what is a 'Tattoo and Piercing?'" Xey ask, pointing one of their tentacles at the building. Karen blinks at xem for a moment, and bursts out laughing. She gestures to her arms, which are covered in artistic markings.

"Tattoos are basically just permanent body art. I have over twenty. And piercings are a type of body jewelry." Zzgnaru is still confused. Karen tugs xem into the shop, where a person lies on a table, an artist working on a caterpillar tattoo.

Zzgnaru starts. "Is-is that a needle?" Karen nods. "So you aren't born with those?" Xey ask, shocked. "Yep. And piercings are where you use a needle to put small gems and stuff into your skin. Not permanently, you can take them out." Karen explains.

The person on the table looks up, and recognition flashes over their face. "Karen? Izzat you?" Karen looks over at them, surprised. "Moss? What the fuck, girlypop? I thought you had joined a space crew?" Moss shakes their head, sighing. "Rosatttiiia kicked me off the ship. Said I was 'too confusing.'"

Karen laughs. "Moss, babygirl, you are confusing. You're the most gremlin-y person I've ever met." Moss huffs. Then, Zzgnaru butts in. "Does that hurt?" Xey ask, motioning to the needle. Moss shakes their head. "Nope, not really."

Later, back on the ship, Zzgnaru rants to Steve and two of the Penaconian crew members about how humans are crazy. "The ones with the patterns aren't normal? The unmarked ones aren't albino? What the crap is this, Steve? First Karen bleeds from her genitalia, now this?"

Steve ends up showing them his singular tattoo and explaining that they have ways to ease the pain.

why the actual h*ck do I see more tumblr memes on pinterest than on LITERAL TUMBLR?!

My toxic trait is that I take my medicine without having eaten anything and then, when I feel like shit later, I wonder why I feel like shit.

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Hello. I am Serial Designation 13, or 13013.exe. I am a ̸͆̌̄r̛̄̀̂͌ͨ̀͒̎͑ͫ͐͐̚̕̕ȅ̸̡̐̈̌̂g̶̶̵̸̡̊̈́̇̿̽̃́͛́ͣ̀ĩ̧̡͊ͯͨ̇̽͋̂́̑̍̋ͣͪ̿̀s̷͑̎ͩ̃͗͋̕̕t͛̽̏ͨ̓ͭ͝͏̛͒̎͑ͫ͐͐̚̕̕ȅ̸̡͆̌̄r̛̄̀̂͌ͨ̀͒̎͑ͫ͐͐̚̕̕ȅ̡̛ͧ̐̈́́͊̿d̓͋͜ Horizon Corps. Android Unit. My purpose is to track and ̖̹̦̙͝͞n̴̛̫̘͈͈͈̳̩̘̯̙͈̫̹̜͢͢ͅȩ̴̣̰͓̻͎̯̘̮̯̲͈̙̳̲́͢͡u̵̧̢̖̞̝̖̤̥̱̳͈̤̩̝̣͝ṱ̡͓̺̘͍͚̻̤̕ŗ̸̲͙͉͓͚a͏́͏͖͍̞̥̜͔̘̰͇́͠l͏̘̜̭̤̱͇͞҉͏̫̼̜͉̭í̙͙̙̥̰̯͎̘̥̻̲̭̜̠̭̳͚z̸̛̩̲̘̯̙͈̫̹̜͢ͅͅȩ̣̰͓̻͎͡ any potential threats to my parent company’s security.

People like my fuckin alien shit

So here. Have a list of all my characters.

Karen: Ship's mechanic. Human (American-Indian). Fun, snarky, mom vibes, dabbles in illegal drug dealing. She/Her, heterosexual. Has a brown bob with a side undercut, blue eyes, and dark tanned skin, lots of tattoos (including Rainbow Dash). She's like 36.

Steve: Comms Expert. Human (Korean-Japanese). Chill, easygoing, likes video games and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, can and will beat your ass at fortnite. He/Him, gay. Has short black hair, dark brown eyes, pale skin, and a few piercings. He's in his early twenties.

Moss: Translator. Human (Hispanic). Chaotic, sarcastic, an absolute gremlin, has a pet ratbird (keeps trying to domesticate the entire ratbird infestation that lives in the pipes). They/It, pansexual polyamorous. Has curly, bright green/pink hair, blue eyes, and slightly tanned skin. They're twenty-nine.

Zzgnaru. Ship's Captain. Alien (Nobletsk). Tired parent vibes, serious, literal, bad at nuance, loves plushies. Xey/xem, aroace. Brown/black scales, 6 yellow eyes, white horns, spiky tail, pink claws. Xey're 52.

Amethyst: Navigator. Alien (Penaconian). Sweet, happy, literally a ball of sunshine, everyone's sweetheart cutie who also has anxiety. Obsessed with anime (Moss showed him JJK and AoT, and now he's into KnY, MHA, and, like, Helluva Boss.) He/they, demiromantic bisexual. Short blonde hair with purple highlights, hazel eyes, pale skin. He's 32.

Banana: First Mate. Alien (Zzbrk). Comedic, silly, madly in love with Moss (BUT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET), completely unserious like Captain Jack Sparrow unserious. She/fae, poly, omnisexual. Yellow/brown scales, vitiligo skin, golden eyes, shaved head, white spikes. She's 43.

Douri: Weapons Operater #1. Alien (Aaki). Depressed as shit, loose cannon-type shit, can and will eat your tacos. It/Its, asexual panromantic. Basically just a humanoid blob of orange slime. No one knows its age.

Josh: 2nd Mate. Human (American). Kind of a psycho, hilarious, autistic, likes sharks. And things that look like sharks. Steve’s boyfriend. He/Him, bisexual. Black dreadlocks, umber skin, dark eyes. He's also in his twenties.

Rhïianae: Weapons operator #2. Alien (Jawa). Collects random shit and makes guns out of them. Has severe adhd. Can never finish a project (took apart a secondary engine about a year ago and it's still disassembled). ??? skin, orange eyes, ??? Hair. Fae/Faun/It, demisexual polyamorous. Faun's in its mid-thirties.

Calixtian: Ship's Doctor. Alien (Penaconian). Likes doing experiments on beings of lesser sentience (or heck, same level-sentience, he doesn't care), mad scientist-esque, no one likes him. Blue-green hair, orange eyes, vitiligo skin. He/Him, aromantic. He's 46.

Nøræxx: Interplanetary criminal. Alien (Asgardian). Wanted for weapons smuggling and illegal mercenary work. Is the cavalry reserved for when Douri and Rhïinae are out, is the bodyguard. Dark hair, green eyes, tanned skin. She/He/They, cupioromantic asexual. 500+ years old.

Bastier. Comms student. Human (British). Clueless, cute, easily confused, has OCD, likes cats. Speaks 8 interplanetary languages (not including Earth languages, which he speaks at least twenty of). Blonde hair, pale skin, blue eyes. He/Him, heterosexual (bicurious). 19 years old.

The Ship. "Steroid Annihilator". Modified Class 8 Torigrian K-Wing Destroyer. Got its name when Zzgnaru, Karen, Douri, and Steve successfully piloted it through the Inter-Galaxian Asteroid Fields. Zzgnaru wanted to name it Ssjuokimbl (Conqueror of Rocks), but Steve suggested Asteroid Annihilator instead, and when they got it painted on the side, the artist doing the paint job spelled it wrong. Karen couldn't stop laughing for days.

Note: Steve is a Chill Gay™️, and Josh is a Chaotic Gay™️.

She’s $50,000 in debt and doesn’t know that you have to pay off credit cards

pukicho, the sapiosexual

every porn ad is always 'hot milfs in your area', 'big boob woman in your city', etc etc, and never 'intelligent minds’ or ‘hot souls in your zone'

*squirms*

I am snek

I am smol snek

Not snak

Snek

Not for the eatings

Hello little snake, I've come to enjoy your squirming

*puts on big girl pants* WE NEED TO ADDRESS SOMETHING

ZHONGLI AND XIAO ARE NOT FATHER AND SON.

🚨🚨I REPEAT, ZHONGLI AND XIAO ARE NOT FATHER AND SON.🚨🚨

In the lore, Zhongli refers to Xiao as the ‘young adeptus of Guili Plains’, and Xiao refers to Zhongli as ‘My lord’. Nowhere does either Zhongli or Xiao mention ANY familial relationship. You may headcanon as you wish, though.

The reason I am such a devout Zhongxiao shipper is because of The Zhongxiao Alliance by Yellow_Canna on Ao3 and Tumblr. It has a beautiful depiction of how Morax saved Alatus from his previous master and renamed him Xiao.

FAIR WARNING: Contains smut and mpreg/eggpreg.

Anywayyyyyyy, that’s my rant about people being disrespectful in the comments of artists. This is the internet. If you don’t want to see something, swipe away. Don’t be a jerk because someone “violated your headcanon”. Be a decent human being.

Thank you, lovely Tumblr people. Shroomie OUT!