Humans Are Crazy

Humans Are Crazy

Aliens have such different gender and biology from humans that none of them menstruate. So imagine this.

Alien: Human Steve, why did I find blood on the lavatory floor?

Steve: Oh, that's just Karen.

Alien: What??

Steve: Human females bleed from their reproductive organs once every month for five to seven days.

Alien: wHAT?!

Steve, calmly: Yeah, they can lose enough blood in a lifetime to kill ten grown men.

Alien: WHaT ?!?!

Karen, walking in: Steve, I need A FUCKING break. And chocolate. And a heating pad. I'll be in my sleeping quarters. Also, I threw up.

Steve: Okay, take the day off, I'll bring you your stuff in a bit.

Alien: *jots down in notebook* Human females are indestructible and fearsome. Regard them with respect.

EDIT: I swear, if this is the thing that makes me Tumblr famous, I’m gonna blow a braincell. And I don’t have many of those left, so…

Edit 2: Guys. Guys. What?! My grumpy menstrual rant is in no way worthy of being tumblr famous. *is mildly to severely confused/thankful/bumfuddled*

Edit 3: Why is this still getting notes wtf

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More Posts from Shroomiethefrogwhisperer and Others

my other little funny things

I'm not just on tumblr, as you may have guessed. I have AO3, Pinterest, Instagram (which I don't use very often, but still), Quotev, Wattpad, and... that's about it.

AO3: @shroomie_the_frog_whisperer

Pinterest: @shroomie_the_frog_whisperer under the name Shroomieeeeeeeeee

Quotev: @shroomie_the_frog_whisperer under the name Headcanon Generator Supreme

Wattpad: @AuraSaysRawr

I have forgotten my Instagram, so you guys'll just have to deal with it, but that's okay.

smiles, shroomie


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Fourth rule of washing dishes: when you inevitably drop a slippery knife blade-down, jump halfway across the kitchen as dramatically as possible to avoid stabbage.

first rule of washing dishes: Be yourself and have fun

second rule of washing dishes: Make sure to get water and soap in every possible corner of the entire kitchen

callback ping

Once you realize everyone and everything is on some sort of time limit, life becomes a lot more stressful. You’re welcome!

Update:

Five minutes later, he screeches "ANARCHY" or some shit at the top of his lungs and runs back into the room, also at full speed. But, plot twist, this time I move before he gets elbowed.

When I asked why he did it again, he said "revenge" and elbowed me. In the face. Daintily.

I'm not sure how to feel.

MY BROTHER JUST SCREAMED "MEDS!" AND RAN HEADFIRST INTO MY ELBOW. HE THEN PROCEEDED TO FALL OFF THE SIDE OF THE BED AND SING THE FNAF THEME.

we then had to convince my mom to let me shitpost abt it on Tumblr.

What do the frogs think of the osemanverse?

And where would they get frog sizes books?

🤨🤨🤨

Questions

So, um, funny story?

Minerva McGonagall named her kids Charlie, Oliver, and Tori.

Charlie, coincidentally, is currently dating a frog named Nichard (or Nick for short).

Tori is aroace.

Oliver is too young to date.

Frog Size Books are available at Barnes & Noble and a queer bookstore in downtown Chicago, LA, Seoul, Tokyo and London.

The frogs are nerds.


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My brother likes fortnite.

Him about Meowdas: "he's a cute little kitty and I want to give him squidges."

About Ghost Director: "She's a symbiote- she keeps her symbiote in her backpack."

about Dynamo Tntna: "A hot chicky chick who lives to ruin people's lives."

About Undercover Skye: "She's cosplaying."

"Eat your fish. And then to recycle, turn it into pure gold with your powers and turn it into a battle axe."

I'm so fuckin confused. What the fuck is a "squidge"?


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a neurodivergent blurb

I have ADHD. very, very bad ADHD. Anything and everything can be overstimulating. But there are some weird things that I do that make no sense.

Noises. I hate large crowds. They're loud and chaotic and terrible. But! I can and will blast k-pop at full volume in my earphones.

Using a weighted blanket. Most people think that if I can't freely move around, I'll be overwhelmed. But, actually, that makes it worse.

Lots of accessories. Sometimes, certain pieces of jewelry make everything bad. Like, I can't wear rings on my left hand and I can't wear bracelets on my right wrists. That's how you know that I don't have OCD.

Yay, ADHD.


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What the heck even are migraines

Sitting in my very comfy bed surrounded by my favorite plushies listening to Pkch (@pukicho, check him out he's the best) doing schoolwork in a fluffy, warm snuggy? MIGRAINE. (I was apparently too hot).

Listening to my favorite music while playing the bass guitar in my basement? MIGRAINE. (Music was one click too loud).

Doing my makeup (which is barely makeup, it's basically just eyeshadow and a tiny bit of concealer) in my glowy mirror so I can see it? MIGRAINE. (Lights were too bright).

Every time I'm at church talking to my friends in the cafe and having a great time? MIGRAINE. (Lights are very white and very bright, and also it's loud).

Sitting in my room where the lights are nice and soft, listening to lofi music at a good volume, in shorts and a t-shirt because it's the perfect temperature in my room, writing a tumblr post and otherwise being completely fine? MIGRAINE. (Literally because my hair is a bit greasy 'cos I haven't washed it in three days cos I'm trying a new hair health thing bc I bleach it a lot).

Basically, if I'm even a little bit uncomfortable or overstimulated, MIGRAINE.

Thanks, ADHD.


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shroomiethefrogwhisperer - i'm a mushroom (on indefinite hiatus)
i'm a mushroom (on indefinite hiatus)

ADHD. I have ADHD. Oh, and I'm aroace. Hi. :]

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