I Wholly Believe That I Could Have A Sitcom. Why? My Life Is Both Crappy And Hilarious At The Same Time,

why is it always this:

No no no, fuck no, babe, you're gorgeous, no negative self talk.

when it could be:

Darling. You shine brighter than a thousand full moons at midnight. You have no need to speak of yourself in such a derogatory manner. Your radiance rivals that of Aphrodite herself.

One of these days, I will be starting an Etsy shop. Yes! Shroomie, the crazy, ADHD depresso blogger, will be selling their art!

I'll be selling crochet stuff (hats, scarves, plushies), needle-felted clothes, art (prints and paintings and shit), and therian masks.

No. I will not be taking commissions. Although I would appreciate suggestion for themed character hats.

Yay thxxx

I'm a graphic designer (much to my own chagrin).

WHY

In GOD'S HO-FricKING-LY CREATION

Is NO ONE TALKING

abOuT

REFERENCING

I've been a graphic designer for four-ish years. And I have plenty of social media. Tiktok, Youtube, Tumblr, Pinterest, Instagram (kinda).

Yes, I know rendering is hard. Rendering, for beginning artists and designers, is a *insert creative expletives here* of a skill to learn. It's hard. I know.

But refeRENCING. REFERENCING. I SCOUR PINTEREST AND GOOGLE AND FRACKING REFERENCE SITES AND I CANT FIND THE ONE. THE ONE THING. THE ONE THING I NEED.

and it's not even a pose. Those are even harder. I'm talking about a picture of a bee. Just a bee. A bee in flight. Not that hard, right?

THINK AGAIN! IT'S-IT'S A NIGHTMARE! I NEED A REALISTIC- NO, NOT BUGS BUNNY!- A REALISTIC- that's a carTOOOOON- A REALISTIC BEE- that's an abomination get it away- A REALISTIC, HELL, JUST A PICTURE OF A BEE IN FLIGHT.

It shows me everything but the kitchen si- nope, never mind, there it is. Everything except a FLIPPING BEE PICTURE.

And when I do find what I need, it's rarely a transparent png, so I have to manually cut it out of its background and transform it to the right angles and distortions, and then I'll extract the "line drawing" and it just makes it black and white!

REFERENCING IS A NIGHTMARE.

Being a graphic designer was my childhood dream, everyone. But now that I'm getting paid? I hate it. I hate my dream job, people.

This is why I've taken up crochet and Garageband again, people.

INCORRECT QUOTES WITH MY OCS!

Xian: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Aioru?

Aioru: … No…

Rhea: I do!

Xian: I know, Rhea.

Rhea: I’m sad!

Xian, exasperated: I know, Rhea.

Ano: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Aioru does? I mean, what if she jumped off a cliff?

Rhea: If Aioru were to jump off a cliff, she would’ve done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Aioru jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Ryo: You jump off a cliff!

Rhea: Gladly. Provided Aioru did first.

Riane: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Aioru: …Mum, I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours…

Rhea: I got distracted about halfway through.

Xian: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Niki: Hey, Xian? Can I get some dating advice?

Xian: Just because I’m with Aioru doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

Hyiin: I don't know how he did it either.

Niki: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Rhea: The cow???

Aioru: …What…?

So'ren: Rhea, W H Y?

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Xian: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Aioru: ...I did… I broke it…

Xian: No. No you didn't. Rhea?

Rhea: Don't look at me. Look at So'ren.

So'ren: What?! I didn't break it.

Rhea: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

So'ren: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Rhea: Suspicious.

So'ren: No, it's not!

Niki: If it matters, probably not, but Hyiin was the last one to use it.

Hyiin: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Niki: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Hyiin: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Niki!

Aioru: …Guys… let's not fight… I broke it… Let me pay for it, Xian…

Xian: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

So'ren: Xian... Niki's been awfully quiet.

Niki: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Xian, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Xian: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Xian:

Xian: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Rhea: My first car was a Saturn.

Niki: What make?

Rhea: Ummmm… I dunno… A Saturn Venus?

Niki: No, Rhee, those are just two planets.

*Reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

So'ren: Thanks fam!

Hyiin: oh no

Niki: *cries* I love you too

Rhea: Sounds fake but okay

Aioru: *A flustered mess*

Xian: Can i get a refund?

Ano: Neat!

Ryo: Cool! *turns to Ano* what's love??

Riane: I'm sorry, darling, but I'm married.

Ai'nliye: H-huh? Can you repeat that?

Riju: *Raises an eyebrow*

Rhea: Just be yourself.

Xian: 'Be myself'? Rhea, I have one day to win Aioru over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Niki: Two days.

Riju: Few weeks.

Xian: YOU'RE MY SISTER! WH-

So'ren: Six months.

Hyiin: Jury’s still out.

Ano and Ryo, simultaneously: Don't look at us.

Xian: See, Rhea?

Xian: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

Rhea: Are we really going to let Xian keep Aioru?

Niki: We kept Hyiin, and she's just a snarkier, scalier Aioru, so...

Security: Have you seen a person named 'Xian' around here?

Ano: Ugh, yes. He made a horrible mess of the blood fountain.

Aioru: …it looks fine to me…

Ryo: IT USED TO BE WATER!!!

Rhea: OH, THe hOrroR!

Niki: *Screams*

Xian: *Screams louder to assert dominance*

Niki: *Screams louder out of pure fear*

Xian: *Screams louder with dragon voice*

Rhea: Should we do something?!

Hyiin, watching while sipping tea: No, I want to see who wins this.

Aioru: ...What the hell is going on...?!

revenge, madness, and wine.

let the fuckening begin

Witchcraft, Wisdom, Death...

Callback ping

it's snowing!!!!!!!!

People like my fuckin alien shit

So here. Have a list of all my characters.

Karen: Ship's mechanic. Human (American-Indian). Fun, snarky, mom vibes, dabbles in illegal drug dealing. She/Her, heterosexual. Has a brown bob with a side undercut, blue eyes, and dark tanned skin, lots of tattoos (including Rainbow Dash). She's like 36.

Steve: Comms Expert. Human (Korean-Japanese). Chill, easygoing, likes video games and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, can and will beat your ass at fortnite. He/Him, gay. Has short black hair, dark brown eyes, pale skin, and a few piercings. He's in his early twenties.

Moss: Translator. Human (Hispanic). Chaotic, sarcastic, an absolute gremlin, has a pet ratbird (keeps trying to domesticate the entire ratbird infestation that lives in the pipes). They/It, pansexual polyamorous. Has curly, bright green/pink hair, blue eyes, and slightly tanned skin. They're twenty-nine.

Zzgnaru. Ship's Captain. Alien (Nobletsk). Tired parent vibes, serious, literal, bad at nuance, loves plushies. Xey/xem, aroace. Brown/black scales, 6 yellow eyes, white horns, spiky tail, pink claws. Xey're 52.

Amethyst: Navigator. Alien (Penaconian). Sweet, happy, literally a ball of sunshine, everyone's sweetheart cutie who also has anxiety. Obsessed with anime (Moss showed him JJK and AoT, and now he's into KnY, MHA, and, like, Helluva Boss.) He/they, demiromantic bisexual. Short blonde hair with purple highlights, hazel eyes, pale skin. He's 32.

Banana: First Mate. Alien (Zzbrk). Comedic, silly, madly in love with Moss (BUT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET), completely unserious like Captain Jack Sparrow unserious. She/fae, poly, omnisexual. Yellow/brown scales, vitiligo skin, golden eyes, shaved head, white spikes. She's 43.

Douri: Weapons Operater #1. Alien (Aaki). Depressed as shit, loose cannon-type shit, can and will eat your tacos. It/Its, asexual panromantic. Basically just a humanoid blob of orange slime. No one knows its age.

Josh: 2nd Mate. Human (American). Kind of a psycho, hilarious, autistic, likes sharks. And things that look like sharks. Steve’s boyfriend. He/Him, bisexual. Black dreadlocks, umber skin, dark eyes. He's also in his twenties.

Rhïianae: Weapons operator #2. Alien (Jawa). Collects random shit and makes guns out of them. Has severe adhd. Can never finish a project (took apart a secondary engine about a year ago and it's still disassembled). ??? skin, orange eyes, ??? Hair. Fae/Faun/It, demisexual polyamorous. Faun's in its mid-thirties.

Calixtian: Ship's Doctor. Alien (Penaconian). Likes doing experiments on beings of lesser sentience (or heck, same level-sentience, he doesn't care), mad scientist-esque, no one likes him. Blue-green hair, orange eyes, vitiligo skin. He/Him, aromantic. He's 46.

Nøræxx: Interplanetary criminal. Alien (Asgardian). Wanted for weapons smuggling and illegal mercenary work. Is the cavalry reserved for when Douri and Rhïinae are out, is the bodyguard. Dark hair, green eyes, tanned skin. She/He/They, cupioromantic asexual. 500+ years old.

Bastier. Comms student. Human (British). Clueless, cute, easily confused, has OCD, likes cats. Speaks 8 interplanetary languages (not including Earth languages, which he speaks at least twenty of). Blonde hair, pale skin, blue eyes. He/Him, heterosexual (bicurious). 19 years old.

The Ship. "Steroid Annihilator". Modified Class 8 Torigrian K-Wing Destroyer. Got its name when Zzgnaru, Karen, Douri, and Steve successfully piloted it through the Inter-Galaxian Asteroid Fields. Zzgnaru wanted to name it Ssjuokimbl (Conqueror of Rocks), but Steve suggested Asteroid Annihilator instead, and when they got it painted on the side, the artist doing the paint job spelled it wrong. Karen couldn't stop laughing for days.

Note: Steve is a Chill Gay™️, and Josh is a Chaotic Gay™️.

I must be high or smth because I just looked down at my black camo cropped tank top and saw a piece of blue lint on it and thought it was a tiny mouse.

I also have a Velveeta Cheese mustache. Screw you, shells n' cheese.

Hellooo. I am very new to tumblr, and saw a post you posted about the frogs. So i interacted with it, innocently thinking it will get saved, but now i cant find it anywhere???? Help pls??

So, it depends on how you interacted with it. If it was in Frogblr and you reacted, it won't save. But if it was one of my normal blog posts and you liked or reblogged it, it should show up in your likes or posts.

Idk how to save Frogblr posts, tbh. I'm just a neurospicy frog enjoyer messing around on here.

yet another post abt my mom

My mother used to attend Trinity University in Chicago, Illinois. In her last semester living there, she and her roomate, Michelle, decided to break all (most of) the rules.

One of these rules was "Do not steal."

So, she and her friend decided to be ridiculous. They brought my mom's Honda Accord to the campus, grabbed a bench, put it in the car, and drove away.

To this day, we still have that bench. It sat on my front porch until last night, when my mom and I were coming back to that house to get my supplies for fending off Satan's Waterfall. She was reminiscing, and decided to 'steal' the bench from my dad.

She put it in the backseat. I didn't even notice it. So this morning/afternoon/idk, she tells me this story, and shows me the bench, sitting on my grandparents' front patio.

I'm not sure how to feel, honestly. I'm conflicted between finding it hilarious and being impressed.