We Are Probably Being Very Dumb Right Now, But What Do You Mean? (To Icky/ @leashme )

This is a mood.

- Shay 🐾 & Shirley 🦮 (Shirley is literally a service dog, lol)

In a perfect world I would be a service dog -🦅🦮

Sorry, we haven't been posting lately. Our motivation and energy have been a bit worse lately.

Hopefully we will be starting to post more soon.

We will definitely be posting more about service dog stuff for us when we actually start the process of getting a service dog. We will probably have donation stuff for us when this happens cause we don't have too much money, lol. We have been trying to work on getting disability income (we always forget what it's actually called, lol) as we can't work but we have heard that it usually takes quite a while before beings actually get it. And the body's dad is disabled and a retired veteran so not too much money there either. And the body's brother doesn't work (and also might not be able to).

Anyway, all of this is to say that we will hopefully be posting again soon and that we might be asking for donations once we properly work on getting a service dog, lol.

- Shay 🐾

First poem to post, lol.

No tw or cw I can think of.

This poem is very dog related.

The formatting is different on here than it was on my notes app, so it might seem weird. Although it might have seemed weird anyway, lol.

You Taught Me/Bad Dog

You taught me to fight

Yet when I fight

You label me a

Bad dog

You taught me to bite

But when I bite

You call me a

Bad dog

You taught me to growl

Yet when I growl

You say I'm a

Bad dog

You taught me this

But when I listen

You declare me a

Bad dog

You taught me

Yet I listen and

You insist I'm a

Bad dog

You taught me

How to be a

Bad dog

We get what op means, but still, if beings don't like a term for themself/themselves, leave them be.

We personally don't use therian or otherkin for ourselves, the terms just don't click for us. Like, they technically fit, but we don't like to use them and would prefer others not to use them for us.

We much prefer alterhuman, nonhuman, or just being called our "types/kins."

We don't think we are "better" than those who use those terms. We just don't like the terms for us.

None of this is an "attack" or anything on op, just a little reminder that beings not liking specific terms for themself/themselves doesn't mean that they think that term is "less than".

- Shay 🐾

putting this on main actually;

it annoys me to death when folks say stuff like “i’m not a therian, im a [xyz animal]”

because hey that’s what a therian is!

to say you don’t identify as a therian because you just ARE that animal is to say that therians AREN’T really the animal they claim to be. which is so wrong. to say you don’t like the term therian because it’s ‘too human’ is so insensitive.

therians are not necessarily human! someone calling themself a therian in no way makes them human! equating therians with humans is weird!

stop treating us like we are human, stop trying to separate ‘really being an animal’ from being a therian. they are the same thing. you’re not superior or different to us because you “really are that animal”. we all are.

Absolutely feel this!!!

Although we ourselves aren't "physically" nonhuman. Sadly, this body is human, no matter how much we wish it weren't. Though we are fully nonhuman.

Many people probably wouldn't get the difference between the two, but for us, there is a difference no matter how small it might be. Honesty, the main difference is that we feel we aren't allowed to call ourselves one because of the fact that this body is human.

Physical nonhumans are very safe here, and they don't have to call themselves delusional or anything like that. If you are physically nonhuman, you are safe to fully be yourself on our blog. We would love to see more physical nonhumans around!!

It's sad that this is something we actually have to mention because, honestly, it should just be known and shit. It's sad that the distrust and fear of people who hurt others makes this required to be said so that people can know that they are safe here.

We aren't hurting anyone, so why can't we be ourselves?

Hopefully, one day, we can be free to be yourselves.

- Shay 🐾

The Struggle of Misanthropy

I find myself often struggling with feelings of Misanthropy, they are to me not feelings I particularly like. I know where they come from and why they exist, and even though I do not like them, I understand where they come from and that it is not unreasonable for me to have them. (Continued below the break - Length: 2078 words)

I find that often the community has this push against misanthropy and for particular positivity of humans and humanity, even to the point of shaming those of us who have those feelings including from trauma and hurt. I have a couple friends on here who have expressed either in general or to me that feeling that they have to hide those feelings or worry I will react badly to it. I feel it myself worrying about expressing particular anger for things done to me.

I do think there are multiple types and levels of misanthropy, and it seems likely we are using the same word for different experiences, and perhaps I am using this word wrong. I had discussed this topic after some back and forth with Rani on the subject and determined that we were more or less talking about different aspects of the same word but maybe there is another word that better describes my own relationship with humanity.

There is that misanthropy that seems to take the form of ecofascism, of humans being a virus or particularly evil or destructive. There is misanthropy that takes the form mainly of a belief in superiority in themselves over the humans for various justifications. There is the misanthropy that stems largely from hurt from the actions of humans to the individual themselves that seems to come as fear and distrust and discontentment towards them. I am certain there is a lot of other varieties and there can be crossover between them.

I do not think humans are inherently evil or even uniquely destructive beyond their numbers and intelligence. Heck the penis worm may have ended the Ediacaran. Nor do I think the bad things humans have done to myself, and others, is something inherent to them. Humans are a very communal species who only survived off their collaboration between each other and other animals, but now live in a very stressful environment that encourages individuality and often rewards cruelty. Painted Dogs similarly are very communal and cooperative animals in their packs but confined to captivity can kill each other. A similar story exists for orca as well especially during the earlier days of captivity. Nor do I believe myself superior to the humans. I do find these first two types of misanthropy rather frustrating, but still like my own experience, it seems mostly to come from hurt people, people who have been abused by humans with power over them, people who have been isolated from their communities. I do not think most people come to hating humans just from the blue. My companion for instance does often echo the humans are a cancer idea from their own pain. It is at times frustrating, but I understand at least where it comes from, all the pain within them.

For myself I experience the third type. I do not hate the humans, but I do not particularly like them. I fear them. I distrust them. For me, the humans are in charge, and I have to obey them. They control the food; they control where I live; they control what happens to me and how much I hurt. If I obey them then things will be better for me. I am allowed to live outside of a hospital because I have been good and obedient. I am allowed to have my own life because I have been good and obedient. The humans have hurt me, and they continue to hurt me.

One of the common retorts to this is that it isn't fair to humans to judge them all for the actions of a few. The problem is it is not just a few, and it is not something in the past, it is something ongoing still. I still have to take pills I do not want that keep my body in this human form to be able to live outside a hospital, and if I did not take them I would be put away again and forced still to take the pills, and every step I refused to comply would only result in greater restriction until I complied or could no longer resist. It is true though only a few humans hurt me directly, only a few humans twisted my body into this shape and only a few humans did everything that was done to me in hospitals. But how many humans work in those hospitals supporting those doctors? How many humans enforce the will of those doctors and hospitals? How many people support what was done to myself and others, think that it is right and best for us, or sometimes even a gift? How many people think that what was done to me was necessary? How many think it is just how things are, maybe it isn't great but it cannot be changed? Not all of these people are equally culpable certainly, but the number of people who support this system which hurts us is really very high and I see it constantly all the time, even in just the small jokes people make. While only a few humans hold immediate power over me, in every human, or creature that fills the role of a human, for me is fear, is a need that I must obey, for they have an incredible power over me to hurt me if I do not give them what they want, and that if they do hurt me, even if they broke the rules of their society, no human would ever help me. For me, complete submission to the demands of the humans (at least externally) is the only way for my continued existence and my presence to be tolerated, and the pain I am given to be minimised.

Do not think therians are excused or immune from this; many therians do the same to us as well. I do find many therians extremely human. I find often their concerns, their desires, and their biases are often very human just with a little bit more. I know a number of people have described therianthropy as essentially human+. Therianthropy is a pretty wide spectrum of experience, and it is not inherently wrong to be on the more human side of that experience, I am simply unable to relate to it, but because of the biases many of them carry, they often hurt those like me, and you reading this may perpetuate things that do hurt those like me.

I have never really felt welcome in the therian community despite being here for near a decade now. It was not until around two or three years ago I felt comfortable to call myself a therian. I have schizophrenia and clinical zoanthropy (often shortened to CLCZ here), or those are at least the humans’ explanations of what I experience/d. The community has for a long time not been good to zoanthropes. I have been unwelcome in a lot of communities and it was often made clear to me over and over my experience was not the same as theirs. In order to be tolerated generally it had to be a fairly accepting community, normally of older therians, but with the caveat that if I ever described my experience I would have to play down my experience. I would have to always reassure everyone that I knew I was experiencing a delusion, and that none of it was real, not like their experiences were. I have been continuously isolated from what is ostensibly my own community, and in a community of outsiders, still an outsider, at best merely tolerated at the edge, but still an interloper in -their- space. In an almost mirror of a phrase I see often from therians of “too human to be with animals, to animal to be among human,” I am too human to be among my kind, but still too animal for many therians.

Things have gotten a bit better in the past decade, and particularly so on tumblr of people becoming more open with things like physical non-humanity. I am happy to have joined here, for one the relative anonymity means I can sometimes talk back, sometimes try to fight just a little bit and be heard, but also for the connections I have made, particularly with Dune, Sonar, Xem and Ike. I am very happy to have met other CLCZs. I do not feel so alone, there are others like me out there, and there are others like me on here, others I can connect with finally.

Still despite this, discussions of us not being welcome come up often. Anytime physical non-humanity comes up it does often come to demonising CLCZs as insane, dangerous, or needing serious help. Similarly, too many therians seem very eager to throw CLCZs under the bus when it comes to justifying their existence, particularly to the broader public and anti-kin. For the most part I can avoid it, but still, it keeps popping up. Even among those who do defend us and accept us, there is still a price for us to be tolerated. Many times, the justification why CLCZs are acceptable (particularly in the context of discussions of P-shifters) is that we acknowledge our experiences as delusion and that it is important that we tag our posts with unreality and delusion. Some people will say that those tags do not mean that the experiences are not real they just do not occur in -Reality-. For me at least I read it that the price of being tolerated is still to say my experiences are not real, my past and the things done to me and others is not real. I am tired of having to deny my own experiences as genuine for the comfort of others, I am tired of having to double bookkeep in every aspect of my life, including the places that are supposed to be safe and an outlet for me. I know what the humans think of my condition, and for that matter many therians, but I think I will stop tagging my experience with unreality and delusion, because they are not. I often think to drop the label for myself for feeling unwelcome and instead just use zoanthrope, even if that does not accurately capture myself either as it is still a word given to us by the humans for a delusion, but at least it is my community where I am welcome.

The truth is though, I do not hate the humans. I desire very much reconciliation. Still, as I am being actively hurt by the humans how -can- there be any reconciliation? I am very fortunate to have a few therians and even a couple of humans in my life I can be pretty open with about my experience. I know reconciliation is possible, but even with these close humans and therians (who for me fill the role of a human), I feel that I must obey them to be tolerated, not for their own actions, but for the scars on me from the actions of many humans.

Someday I will return to the water – I cannot survive in the wild – and likely I will go into a tank. I hope, when I do, I will be with my other cetacean friends. The humans did do me a number of kindnesses and made me clever enough that I can more or less fix my body and return to the water. I think only once there can reconciliation begin, with the main point of obedience removed and the cruellest damage the humans did to me, that of being forced to be human. I know that life as a captive cetacean would not be perfect and would carry with it many struggles and pain, and I have no doubt the humans will still hurt me some, I do not expect that others will never hurt me again – I will still often have to obey the humans, but now more as a cetacean than a human. But at least back in the water I could be myself, from the water I could look up at the humans on the edge of the tank and know that I survived and I persisted and I am free. Perhaps I may even bond with some kind trainers. In time those deep scars across me will start to fade – and with it that anger, that fear, that distrust. Though those scars will never fully heal, they will begin to look like the scars on many other captive cetaceans and we -can- reconcile at last.

Zwem ver, zwem vrij, kleine walvis, zwem voor altijd

~Kala

questions! 1, 4 and 21 :}

This post is gonna be long, so if you want to read it, press the "keep reading" thing!

1. Kintypes?

Ok, gonna answer for all of us who are known, lol. We are working on making/creating some packmates that aren't included in this post.

For me, it's wolf, dog, cat, crow, and ockins (Zuki, Cyan, and Akay. Zuki is MHA/BNHA, Cyan is RWBY, and Akay is DDLC). And then also "mixtures" of the previous ("actual") animal kins (such as wolfdog, cat + crow, etc). I might actually have more kins than this, but these are the known ones.

We have Shirley, who shifts between multiple (if not all) medium and big dog breeds [and some other canines, like wolves and foxes]. There is also Lynix, who shifts between multiple kinds of felines (domestic cat breeds, lions, etc). Declan is a cat. Den is a dragon.

Mystery and Lakey are hard to actually pinpoint what they actually are, lol. But they aren't human.

We have (oc) fictives as well. We don't know whether to really count them for their "fictiveness," but they do fit under the alterhuman and nonhuman communities, and they use those terms, so we will talk about them a bit. Vesper is a fallen angel from the Helluvaverse (if you [general you] don't like that we have a Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss fictive than just block us pls). Okami is a werecreature from MHA/BNHA [my cousin!!!]. Oynx is a wolfdog animatronic from FNAF. Phalen is a werecreature from the Harry Potter universe [not sure what timeline they are from, lol]. Moonfire is a tiefling dragon mix from DND [we have never actually played DND in this life sadly].

We also have a "subsystem" (we call it a subpack, lol. As we use pack instead of system) that is fictive(s) from Encanto [we are bodily white, so if this upsets anyone, just block us please]. We aren't gonna go into any real detail about this subpack, but we will say that none of them are (actually) human, lol.

4. Favorite kintype?

This is hard, lol. For the longest time, I was mainly talking about Zuki, but I don't think I would call Zuki my "favorite." I miss my life as Zuki, but I also miss my life as Cyan and Akay. I miss being more animal-like than this stupid human body [this body is stupid cause it doesn't fit any of us, not because 'humans are bad' btw. We don't hate humans. We may have fear and shit of (unknown to us) humans, but we don't hate humans]. Anyways, I would probably just say a mixture of all of my ("actual") animal kins, so a wolfdog cat crow creature, lol.

Don't think we/I am gonna answer for the others, cause this is longer than we thought it'd be.

21. How does your plurality affect your alterhumanity?

Hey, it's our question we added for us!!! Also, did we use "affect" right?

Anyways, our plurality affects our alterhumanity in many ways, lol. We have talked a bit about multiple of our/my packmates in this post already. None of us in the "Wildlife Pack" are human. We are all alterhumans and nonhumans.

Our plurality is also very much intertwined with our alterhumanity. It is essentially part of our alterhumanity. While some plural beings may not consider themselves alterhumans, plurality is/can be a part of the alterhuman umbrella. And that is definitely the case for us.

We don't know exactly what our origin is for our plurality but we are pretty sure (around 99.99% sure) that we do not have a CDD [CDD means complex dissociative disorder, which are things like DID, OSDD, etc]. We also think trauma at least impacted our plurality even if it didn't cause it, so we mostly call ourselves quoitraumagenic, but we might not 100% fit under "traumagenic." Anyways, we are 100% pro endo and endo safe!! If anyone doesn't like that, block us.

- Shay 🐾

Anyways, we/I have ranted for a lot of this post, lol. So this is gonna be the end of it for now.

Also, if there are any mistakes with spelling, grammar, etc. Only correct us if you are meaning it in a constructive way, please. As we are bad with English (despite it being our main/only language in this life/body, lol). [We are disabled in multiple ways, and it affects us in multiple ways.]

Ask game!

Put full question(s) in the ask please.

- Shay 🐾

System Ask Game

You All Seemed To Enjoy Our Last Ask Game,So Here's Another One! Feel Free To Ask Us These Questions As Well!

🍓 - Do You Have Any Headmates That Speak A Langauge Other Than What The Body Would Normally Speak?

🍒 - If Your System Had A Theme Song,What Would It Be?

🍊 - Is There Anyone In Your System That Has A Wildly Different Clothing Preference Than Everyone Else?

🥭 - Who Is The Worst With Money?

🍍 - Who In Your System Is The Most Chaotic?

🍋 - Does Anyone Is Your System Practice A Religion Different From Others In The System?

🍏 - What Is The Most Unique Pronoun Set Someone In Your System Uses?

🥝 - Who In Your System Has A Flair For The Dramatic?

🍇 - Is There Anyone In Your System Who Is Particularly Skilled In Something Others Are Not?

🫐 - Is There Any Type Of Headmate That Your System Is Particularly Heavy On? (Introjects,Non-human,Etc)

❤️ - Does Anyone In Your System Have An Interest Or Favorite Thing That Everyone Else Hates?

🧡 - Does Your System Celebrate Holidays Amongst Yourselves? (Buying Eachother Gifts For Christmas,Etc)

💛 - If You Had To Describe Your System In One Word,What Would It Be?

💚 - What Is One Piece Of Advice You Would Give To Someone Just Discovering Their System?

💙 - If You Were To Choose An Animal To Represent Your System,What Would It Be?

💜 - Are You Open About Being A System Outside Of Online Spaces?

I'm a bit bored, I should probably work on English class work, but my brain says no, and I have no real control, lol.

Anyways, fictionkin shit, this is gonna be talking about my biological parents as Zuki, so there will be trigger warnings. All of this is just to do with my life as Zuki, I have problems with my parents here, but not as bad.

Tw: hinted at sexual assult not said by name but still, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, child abuse, bullying, scars, burning/fire, and maybe more? Idk if there's anything to add, let me know.

My bio father as Zuki was a horrible abusive asshole. He was not the first guy to get my bio mother pregnant [as my old sibling is my half-sibling from my mom]. He told my mother that if she just had one kid with him, then he would be "happy" (not his actual words but whatever). So I was the kid that came from this "agreement".

But when I actually got the first part[s] of my quirk at the age of 4, which included wings (which came from my sib's bio father pretty much, it's hard to explain exactly), he was fucking pissed but couldn't do anything cause my mother did what he wanted, she had one kid with him (just not the kid he wanted).

At the age of 7, the other part of my quirk came in. Which is/was essentially the ability to "drop" my body and become a "spirit," I guess you could say. It freaked people out, causing a lot of bullying and shit. Anyways, that just made my bio father [I hate calling him that, but whatever] hate me more.

He was always "aggressive" and abusive, I mean, he didn't get physical to me until I was around 5 or so. I also couldn't actually speak until I was at least 7, and then it was about at a like 2 year old level, basically. Anyways, he got physically abusive towards me when I was like 5, but he was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards me.

When I was like 11, my bio father got put into jail cause my old sib got into UA and told Aizawa about him and shit. I was happy that I was "free" from abuse [I wasn't really, but I was at least free from him].

My bio mother had an alcohol problem and would drink a whole lot. She wasn't really ever physically abusive when I was younger. But after my bio father got put in jail, it actually seemed to get worse with her towards me. Idk why exactly, but I believe it had to do with me kinda looking like my bio father and also my bio mother (she definitely had problems with self image and took it out on me).

My old sib didn't see the abusive side of our mother at all. They were the favorite child, they didn't look as much like our mother, I guess. They had seen only the loving side of our mother, which I knew existed but rarely saw when I was alone with her.

I always had a hard time admitting that my mother was abusive and shit. To me, it was deserved cause I was an unwanted pup that she was forced to have and care for. She still wasn't typically physically abusive.

When I was like 12 or 13, my bio mother left me alone in the house. She had slapped me to the ground before fully leaving as I was quietly "screaming" for her to not leave me. My older sib never knew this. As far as they knew, our mother was just really busy with hero work [I forgot to mention that both of my bio parents were heroes]. The only time our mother would be at the house is if I had called or texted her about my old sibling wanting to see her and shit. Then she would come home and act like everything was fine and that she still lived there and took care of me.

That went on until I was like 15, it was my second year in high school [another reminder that UA is a college and I was 18 in my canon]. My bio mother had been in a bad villain attack and was at the hospital and would never do hero work again and would have to be in the hospital for a while (years). After that happened, my old sib ended up becoming my legal guardian and shit.

My old sib was pretty busy with hero work since they were pretty much just starting out with their hero career. They asked Izuku's mom [Auntie Inko as I called her] to look out for me a lot, as she already was, and because me and Izuku were childhood friends who were re-becoming friends again.

Pretty sure if Auntie Inko had the full ability to support another child legally and shit, she would've adopted me. I was not an easy pup to deal with, though. I was very suspicious of her kindness and would fight her [I bit her a few times cause of being fearful and shit, I really regret that and shit]. I was sure that she would abandon me as well one day, of course this never happened [think of the moment in the movie Bolt where Mittens is talking about how "Penny is fake" that was kind of how I was with Izuku and his mom at first].

Anyways, Auntie Inko ended up basically being my parent until I got adopted by Dadzawa and Papamic.

I'm gonna go into a bit more detail, but not too much detail about my bio father's abuse now.

His quirk gave him wolf claws [not necessarily always out, but he kept them out almost all the time] that were able to use some of the elements (fire, water, etc. I guess) to hurt. It's kinda hard to explain rn, but basically, he could have his claws on fire [I use that example cause it was his favorite].

He would use his "fire claws" on me a lot when he wanted to hurt me. He burned me a lot with them, I had so many scars from him doing this a lot. I had one scar across my face that I got from one of those times that I hid with makeup for a long time. Eventually, I gave up hiding it, and when my friends asked about it, I would say it was old, and I just used to cover it up.

His abuse in this way made me very cautious around fire and shit [so yes I was very cautious and scared when Todoroki first started using his fire but I of course never said anything cause I was not about to discourage his use of his fire]. Fur and feathers don't really go with fire anyway, so yeah.

Idk if there's anything else I want to say but at least for right now, this is good. Sorry for 2 vent(?) posts back to back.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)

Absolutely!!!

We actually growl a lot, not always on purpose, it's just instinct!

- Shay (They/it)

Wish growling/hissing was a more socially acceptable form of communication. Like, it's so effective: you hear a growl, you back off cuz you know you'll get bit otherwise.

DUDE YES PREENING!!

I made a post about that a bit, lol. Yeah, it's very much a pack thing! At first, only very few people were allowed to touch my wings at all, lol. Eventually, more people were added to that list, but the list of people who could actually preen my wings was still pretty small (around 6-8 people I think), lol. It's a very intimate thing, it's a pack thing, it's special.

I really consider/considered my whole class as my pack, but not everyone was in the same "category" of what they could do, if you get what I mean. Like not everyone was given permission to preen my wings and not everyone could suprise me with hugs or any touches without getting bit or something [very, very few people were in this category, mostly cause I got used to the little noises and shit they would make/do when they were about to touch me, lol. So it wasn't fully a suprise and shit.]

Also yeah looking at the actual canon for MHA, it's pretty fucking bad for my pack. I mean, we all had trouble and shit in my canon, but considering my canon didn't have the actual war and shit, it wasn't as bad in some ways. So it's nice to know that I was there for my pack as they were there for me.

Dude, I miss being able to fly. I also have to have a fear of heights in this life, sadly.

I really didn't learn how to fly until after the dorms were made at UA, lol. To be fair, I didn't really have anyone to properly teach me about flying with my wings when I was younger. My older sibling would've had to be the one to do that, and they were busy a lot when it would've been the time to teach me really, and they had to learn on their own so they weren't thinking about having to teach me, lol. I was lucky that I had Hikari [another noncanon being] to help me cause they also had wings and shit. Though their wings were of a different type [my wings were that of like a crow, and I can't quite remember what type of bird their wings were like.] They were still one of the best in helping me with learning to fly.

I don't mention much about my quirk, except for my wings, ears, and tail, lol. But the other "part" of my quirk let me essentially become a spirit like thing, which with that my form was a wolfdog with wings, lol. I could fly just fine in that form, just not in my "normal" form for some reason. Idk why that is exactly, but whatever.

It's missing my pack hours, lol.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/ze) :3c

Edit: fixed a mistake/typo

Hello, I decided to come say hi and shit in an ask, lol.

I'm not good at starting conversations, but I would like to hear about any alterhuman or nonhuman experiences or memories or anything that'd you'd be willing to share!

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it) | a fellow noncanon MHA being/creature :3c

aaa hihi!! good to hear from you, i definitely feel you on the 'bad at starting conversations' lol!

the first thing that comes to mind a memory of playing video games with Tomura and Shuichi. I wasn't very good at it, but it was good bonding and i loved playing with them. I would only play the 'silly' games like Mario Kart or Smash Bros, they got too into the 'serious' ones for me. I finished in last place every time lmao, so i mostly spent my time teasing whoever was in second place. Dabi would sit with us too sometimes, either lazily scrolling on his phone or bothering the three of us, trying to help whoever would give him the most attention lol. The others joined in sometimes too, Himiko and Jin and rarely Sho and Toshi if they were hanging out. Himiko would shriek excitedly and bump us while Jin cheered her on and cursed her out. It was good.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to ramble lol!! Feel free to share any memories/thoughts you have :D