I'm Slightly Obsessed With Gen Z Crystal Palace Looking Right At A Very Dead Boy And Going "you'd Be

Wait a minute if elves take a hundred years to grow up that has some weird implications.

So… if we say a human comes of age in fantasy worlds at 16, that means it takes an elf 6.25 years to age one human year. If we say the age of maturity is 18 that’s 5.55 years.

So then… okay with people that live a long time have to see their human friends die and probably see them like pets yeah that’s been explored to death. But what about a human just seeing their friend not grow up?

An elf toddler and a human toddler become friends at a playdate. At the time the human is two and the elf is 13. Emotionally the elf is just a little older than the human. But then the human grows up. He grows up and as he grows up his friend doesn’t. Not much, anyways.

She’s still sucking her thumb and throwing tantrums the entire time that he grows up. When he reaches the age where he’d choose a trade or go to an academy he’s earning extra money by babysitting her. During his initiation into adulthood on his 18th birthday she’s there with her parents holding a stuffed animal. Later that afternoon he sees her being shown some colorful flashcards with letters of the elvish alphabet on it by her father.

The human gets older. He learns how to fight, he goes from town to town getting work. At some point he joins the army. Every time he visits his hometown he has at least one more scar and by the time he’s 30 and the elf girl is mentally seven by human standards she starts to understand that something is wrong. Even after he settles down to be a home maker for the local blacksmith something feels wrong.

And she watches him grow old. When she’s in her 80s she babysits his grandchildren for extra cash after school, coming over in her school robes and ruffling his hair. She doesn’t remember why she became friends with this human or when but a strange sense of jealousy fills her heart.

Now she realizes it. She realizes it too late, on the day her friend learns that he is dying. The first day of her 100th year and the start of his last. Humans’ lifetimes may only last for the childhood of an elf if they’re lucky, but they learn so fast. They do so much. They cram their days full of love and hate and learning and wonder.

He knew this was coming. He knew all of this decades before she did, because elves are slow. Not stupid, certainly not stupid, but very very slow. She holds her old friend’s hand as he lays down on his bed. A man that has led such an ordinary life but feels so extraordinary to her. Because he has always, always been there and now he just won’t. Because in her eyes he became so wise so fast and now he’s just gonna be gone.

On an elf’s 100th birthday they are allowed to choose a new name for themselves. It can be important, or not. Usually it will follow them until the end of time. She stands in front of her family’s elders and is asked what name she will be called from now on.

She names herself after him.

I have this Payneland fic idea: Niko is so furious when she learns that Edwin’s death was labeled an "act of God" that she demands the Lost and Found Department change it.

They do - and offer to give Edwin his life back. Of course he refuses. He doesn't want to be alive without Charles. So, after long debate they extend the offer to Charles. They get a genie or fae to give them their lives back. They get back to the state they were in before their deaths. RIGHT before their deaths. Edwin is fine. A few bruises, robe burns, nothing he can’t handle. But Charles is like Edwin found him in the attic.

So, they rush him to the ER, Edwin staying calm, speaking gently and holding his hand. But when Charles is out of his sight in the hospital he breaks down and Niko and Crystal hold his hand for hours while waiting for news.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Dead Boy Detectives (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland Characters: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Charles Rowland (DCU), Crystal Palace (DCU), Niko Sasaki Additional Tags: 5+1 Things, Post-Canon, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Reunions, Case Fic, Sort Of, Humor Summary:

Back in London nearly an after losing Niko, Edwin swears he keeps catching glimpses of her but it can’t be her, can it?

#Sir Derek Jacobi is just gonna keep getting away with it huh 😔 (insp)

consuming mass amounts of media related to my hyperfixation isnt enough i need to eat it

Oh to be the guy who’s first introduction to that myth is during that musical

THIS IS SO CHARLES ROWLAND CODED OMG

one of the hardest things to learn as a depressed former Gifted Kid™ is that half-assed is better than nothing. take the 50%, 40%, even 20% job. scrubbing your face is better than not taking a shower at all. picking up your clothes is better than never cleaning. nibbling on some bread is better than starving.

DO THINGS HALFWAY. NOW YOU’RE 100% BETTER OFF THAN YOU WERE BEFORE.

you’re so right

sonadow behavior

HOLY SHIT I JUST REMEMBERED A HC I HAD TO SHARE BECAUSE IT CAME UP IN MY MIND ONE DAY AND IT DIDNT STOP BOTHERING ME.

Both Harry, Merlin and possibly any other agent must have had really close contact with explosions at one point right? Especially Harry because if I remember correctly, in the first movie, he was saved by a grenade in 1997, and then blown up by his own grenade while escaping the university and then the church scene, AND THEN in the golden circle where Merlin blew up. (i still refuse that merlin died so he’s alive and im being delusional shh). He could literally by hard of hearing, almost deaf, or have tinnitus.

Merlin as well but not a lot since he was just behind the desk, but when he exploded (and survived.) he most likely had some acoustic trauma as well.

EVEN EGGSY CAN YOU IMAGINE?? Even though bro was a field agent for a little while having done a few missions (evident in the golden circle when he pins his own newspaper articles on harry’s wall) being in the field often enough he would eventually also have acoustic trauma.

So literally almost everyone at kingsman wear hearing aids and has learned sign language and learning sign language has become mandatory for training ever since Harry began his reign as Arthur. Agents also had to get specially designed hearing aids from medical and R&D when it gets  b a d. Since the glasses also has a microphone implemented in them, Merlin upgraded them so that live translation/subtitles could appear. (it became extremely useful for missions but the microphone can only pick up so far, yknow?)