Evil Wu Au

“Your hand in mine and…”

Fanart for @dynamicsimp >:P

I don't even know what the things you all follow me for is.

Shadowpeach incorrect quotes

Sun Wukong: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute.

Macaque : Sun Wukong, that’s gay.

Sun Wukong: We’ve been dating for 2 years—

Sun Wukong : Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Macaque: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously not the real me.

Macaque : As top in this relationship, I think we should-

Sun Wukong: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Brotherhood era Macaque : We should get you to a healer for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Sun Wukong: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Macaque : But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Sun Wukong: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Macaque : Is it working?

Sun Wukong: Go fuck yourself.

Macaque, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

Sun Wukong: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Macaque : This is a lie.

Macaque : I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Macaque : THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

Macaque : Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Sun Wukong: AS ENEMIES again?!

Macaque :

Sun Wukong: What are you in the mood for?

Macaque : World domination.

Sun Wukong: That's a bit ambitious.

Macaque : You are my world.

Sun Wukong: Aww...

Macaque :

Sun Wukong:

Macaque :

Sun Wukong: OH.

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: I feel like doing something stupid.

Brotherhood era Macaque : I’m stupid, do me.

Peng in the background: *wheeze*

Sun Wukong: Listen, we’re done, we’re over! Okay?

Macaque : Whatever bitch, you ain’t never gonna find no one like me.

Sun Wukong: Yeah, that's the point shithead!

Macaque : This date is boring!

Sun Wukong: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Macaque : Then why did you invite me?

Mk, who's only homophobic when it comes to Shadowpeach: he didnt, he specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Sun Wukong I'll do whatever I want!"

Macaque, to Sun Wukong : We had a date!

Sun Wukong: *aggressively points to Bai he and the Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

Sun Wukong: Did it hurt when you fell-

Macaque : From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-

Sun Wukong: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.

Macaque : ...

Sun Wukong: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Macaque to Mk : Sun Wukong is playing hard to get.

Macaque : Little do he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Sun Wukong: I have feelings for Macaque.

MK : Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Sun Wukong: Look, last night was a mistake.

Macaque : A sexy mistake.

Sun Wukong: No, just a regular mistake.

Macaque : There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?

Sun Wukong: Nope, there's 26.

Macaque : Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.

Sun Wukong: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.

Macaque : You'll get the D later ;).

MK in the distance : Ugh!!!!

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: Macaque and I are no longer dating.

Brotherhood era Macaque : peaches, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re Mated.

Sun Wukong: Fight me!

Macaque : *gets on one knee and pulls out a ring*

Macaque : Fight me for the rest of our lives.

Sun Wukong: Macaque , you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?

Macaque , naked in Sun Wukong's bed: No, I absolutely do not.

Sun Wukong, already taking off their clothes: Fuck... Me neither.

Sun Wukong: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

Macaque : Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Sun Wukong: ...

Sun Wukong: You mean ring bearER, right?

Macaque : ...

Sun Wukong: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Sun Wukong: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Macaque : I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Sun Wukong: I said within reason, Macaque . How about I murder that guy?

Macaque : So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Sun Wukong: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Brotherhood era Macaque, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong, confused: I mean, this is my mountain, so yeah.

Macaque : Sun Wukong, you love me, right?

Sun Wukong: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Possessed Wukong: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

Macaque : In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

Possessed Wukong: I don't know, surprise me!

Macaque : You look good in that hoodie.

Sun Wukong: You know where else I'd look good?

Macaque , zero hesitation: My bed.

Sun Wukong, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Sun Wukong: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

Macaque : Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Sun Wukong: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

Macaque : You always act stupid.

Macaque :

Macaque : Wait...

Sun Wukong: Wow, Macaque , you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Macaque : We literally slept together yesterday.

Sun Wukong: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Brotherhood era Macaque : We should be partners.

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: You mean like, partners in crime?

Brotherhood era Macaque : Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.

Sun Wukong: Bro-

Macaque : No, no, hold up, rewind.

Macaque : My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

Macaque : Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Sun Wukong: Okay.

Macaque who, has never seen sharkboy and lavagirl : And make out during the scary parts.

Sun Wukong: Th-

Sun Wukong: The scary parts.

Sun Wukong: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Mei : Do you want to explain the text you sent Monkey King last night?

Macaque : It was autocorrect.

Mk: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me." To Monkey King?

Macaque : Yes.

Sun Wukong: Okay, but if your not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your boyfriend?

Macaque : Dude- Its satire!

Sun Wukong: THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

Macaque walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Sun Wukong, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Sun Wukong, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

Here have a drawing I did of Leo I will do a digital version later

*gripping your shoulders and shaking you* you gotta promise me one thing, if nothing else. you have to promise me to live, do you hear me. and if it's for nothing else but spite, LIVE. donald trump wants you to feel defeated and alone. let's show him and all the americans who voted for him that we will not stay quiet, we will not be devided and we will LIVE. we will survive that 78-year old felon, we will OUTLIVE him. so please reach out to friends and family, reach out to each other and STAND TOGETHER.

PLEASE, LIVE!

Ninjago incorrect quotes I'm having too much fun

Nya: Alright, who’s hogging the Netflix account? I’ve been locked out all week!

Lloyd: Sucks to suck! I’m already on the 8th season of Friends!

Kai: Not me.

Nya: Don’t lie. I know it’s not Jay or Zane.

Kai: It’s not me, really!

Nya: …

Kai: …But it might be Ronin…

Nya: You gave Ronin access to our Netflix account!?!?

Kai: he wanted to watch Orange is the New Black!

Nya: I’m going to kill you.

*The team at Home Depot*

Nya: *pushed in the cacti display while wandering around the garden section*

Jay: *Shitting in the display toilets*

Kai: *Tokyo Drifting one of those flatbed carts down the aisles*

Lloyd: *Stealing paint chips for aesthetic purposes*

Zane: *Just wanted some goddamn lightbulbs and everyone ruined it*

Cole: *In the car sleeping*

*The team is asked what they would do with 5 children with only 3 chairs.*

Cole: Get two more chairs!

Nya: They can get their own chairs.

Jay: Make them fight for it.

Zane: You only need one chair to beat them all with.

Lloyd: I would never be near children.

Kai: Kill two.

Zane: A mouse!

Kai, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.

Nya, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!

Lloyd, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.

Cole, gasping: It's Ratatouille!

Jay: His name is Remi, dummy.

Zane: ...I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window... what is wrong with you people.

Lloyd: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Jay: No.

Kai: I did not.

Cole: I may have actually forgotten one.

Nya: Also no.

Lloyd: Oh good, neither did I.

Zane: *Exhausted sigh*

Zane: We’re kind of missing something guys.

Kai: Cohesion?

Lloyd: Teamwork?

Nya: A general sense of what we’re doing?

Cole: And Jay is not here.

Kai: Oh, and that, yeah.

Zane: Stressed.

Cole: Depressed.

Lloyd: Possessed.

Nya: Obsessed.

Jay: Impressed.

Kai: Chicken breast.

Everyone: ...What?

Kai: I just wanted to join in.

Zane: You know, when Nya comes over, Jay can get a little…

Cole: Psycho?

Kai: Scary?

Lloyd: Drunk?

Zane: All three.

Before Lloyd joins the team

Jay: The floor is lava!

Cole: *helps Zane onto the counter*

Nya: *kicks Kai off the sofa*

Kai: *lays on the floor*

Jay: ...Are you okay?

Kai: No.

Jay: What's worse than a heartbreak?

Nya: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.

Lloyd: Waking up in the morning.

Cole: Waking up.

Kai: Waking up in the morning...

Kai: And seeing Zane.

Zane: Hey! Rude!!

Squad reactions to being called straight:

Kai: The fuck, no I'm not.

Nya: Excuse the hell out of you?

Zane: Ding dong, you are wrong!

Lloyd: Who told you that? And why did they lie?

Jay: Rude.

Cole: *punches the person*

Jay: *standing at the top of the stairs* What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase?

Zane: I accidentally fell down.

Cole: KAI PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay THEIR part of our rent!

Nya: Zane bet me fifty bucks that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than they did falling down it, so I slide down the banister to get my money.

Lloyd: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Nya.

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*

Nya: I will not let you down.

Zane: Sounds fun.

Cole: K.

Kai: No, I'm fucking not.

Jay: Do I have to be?

Lloyd: Please god, I am so tired.

*the team at mega monster amusement park, in the teacups*

Jay, Cole, and Zane: *spinning a little and talking*

Nya, Lloyd, and Kai: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

Cole: If you got arrested what would be the charges?

Kai: Theft.

Nya: Disturbing the peace.

Jay: Aggravated assault.

Zane: Arson.

Lloyd: All of the above. In that order, probably.

Nya: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.

Zane: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...

Cole: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Lloyd: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.

Kai: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Jay: Mental stability, my old friend!

Nya: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Cole to Jay, who’s about to get married to Nya: Today, two families are becoming one.

Zane, in an ominous voice: Two families enter, one family leaves.

Kai: That sounds so threatening…

Nya: The Wedding Games…

Lloyd: May the bouquet toss be ever in your favor.

Jay: Beautiful.

Cole: Fuck all of you!

Lloyd: *dies*

Cole: Timer starts now! When are they coming back? I say two months!

Zane: Bullshit. One month.

Nya: Nah, half a month.

Jay, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LLOYD JUST DIED!

Kai, scratching chin in thought: One week.

Nya: I’m the smartest person in my friend group.

Kid Lloyd: You hang out with Kai, Cole, Zane, and Jay.

Kid Lloyd: It’s not as high a compliment as you think.

Zane: Throw lamps at people who need to lighten up, and throw handles at someone who needs to get a grip!

Jay: Throw a refrigerator at someone who needs to chill!

Cole: Throw scissors at someone who needs to cut it out!

Kai: Throw a clock at someone who needs to get with the times!

Nya: Throw matches at someone who needs to get fired up!

Lloyd: Throw a brick at someone to kill them.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Nya: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Lloyd: ...I did. I broke it.

Nya: No. No you didn't. Kai?

Kai: Don't look at me. Look at Zane.

Zane: What?! I didn't break it.

Kai: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Zane: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Kai: Suspicious.

Zane: No, it's not!

Cole: If it matters, probably not, but Jay was the last one to use it.

Jay: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Cole: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Jay: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Cole!

Lloyd: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Nya.

Nya: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Cole: Nya... Kai's been awfully quiet.

Kai: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Nya, talking to Sensei Wu and Sensei Garmadon: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Nya: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Nya:

Nya: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

*the team in the bad timeline*

Cole: So what have you been up to recently?

Nya: Leading a revolution with Zane.

Cole: Good for you two! Me, I've joined the mob.

Nya: *nods* Oh, how cool! That's awesome!

Cole: I know! Anyway, have you heard from the others? Jay?

Nya: Happily living as a hermit in the woods. Lloyd?

Cole: Wrongfully locked up in an asylum, which reminds me, we need to break them out later. Kai?

Nya: Cult leader.

Cole: Yeah, that sounds about right.

Zane: Doctor = $140,000 a year, Furry artist on patreon = $160,000 a year.

Lloyd: I think you’re lowballing the furry art amount tbh.

Zane: Sorry for the inaccuracies Doctor Yiff.

Lloyd: No matter how I respond I don’t look well, well played. I walked into that.

Nya: Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that.

Zane: Did you legitimately just tell me that a person who draws wolf ass is more competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in an university to give you a lung transplant?

Jay: Doctors are bullshit and furry artists perform an infinitely more valuable service to society compared to them.

Zane: You will die in 7 days.

Kai: It took doctors 10 years to diagnose what was wrong with me, some insisting I was faking it for attention while a furry artist I knew said “Sounds like Crohn’s” after hearing me complain once and ended up being right.

Kai: Besides I can’t go to a doctor and ask them to draw Rouge the Bat wider than she is tall with tits to match, now can I?

Jay: You could if you weren’t a fucking coward.

Cole: This was like 50 consecutive punches to the face, what the fuck went on here.

Jay: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.

Jay: Violently practices.

Zane: Violently studies.

Nya: Violently sleeps.

Kai: Violently shoots pictures.

Cole: Violently boxes.

Lloyd: Violently murders people.

Nya: Violently worries about the previous statement.

#leo

#tmnt

I did the digital one just like I promised

When Nightmares Strike.

Lloyd was running through the halls as a pitch blackness followed trying to catch him, Lloyd knew if it caught him it would be the end. how he was back was beyond the green-cladded blonde. Lloyd thought he had destroyed him in the final battle, Lloyd had thought he was gone when he saved his father but here he was chasing him through his father's monastery no one else was in sight not even his father's students. "You can't run forever Lloyd~" The overlord taunted the destined teen as he began to catch up with the Golden ninja.Why was this happening? Why was he back? where is everyone else? Why was Lloyd alone? He doesn't want to be alone, not anymore. Just then the overlord pounced out of the shadows aiming to strike the blonde teen in the heart.And then suddenly Lloyd shot up out of bed breathing heavily and looking around. "It was a nightmare," Lloyd spoke quietly rubbing a hand up and down his face realizing what was happening, Lloyd took a deep breath in. Lloyd could hear footsteps approaching as he calmed himself down, then the person walking in the hall rounded the corner looking into Lloyd's bedroom, It was Garmadon. "Everything good Lloyd?" Garmadon asked calmly Lloyd could hear the sleep in his father's voice, he must have woken him up, most likely have unknowingly screamed while in the nightmare."Oh yeah I'm good" Lloyd responded not wanting to keep up or bother his father any longer than he already had. "Then why are you up at two in the morning?" Garmadon asked looking from his son's alarm clock over to his son. Lloyd took a quick glance at his alarm clock to see it was two in the morning. "Nightmare..." Lloyd mumbled with a sigh as he rubbed his palms over his eyes. "Same one?" Garmadon asked softly walking over to sit down beside his son on the bed. "Of me alone running away from the overlord through the monastery, yeah," Lloyd responded exhaustedly, this was the third nightmare this week alone and it was only Wednesday, he'd been having these nightmares for a little over two weeks now. "I just don't know what to do to make them stop," Lloyd mumbled quietly as he leaned against his father's side. "You're safe Lloyd, he can't touch you, he can't get to you. you defeated him." Garmadon reassured his son as he began to run his fingers through Lloyd's bed-headed hair. "I know. it's just...It feels like he's actually there, actually chasing me down, As I could actually feel his presence." Lloyd responded quietly, shaking his head a little bit. "Not that he will, but if the Overlord ever comes back I will not let him touch you, I won't let him hurt you, I promise." Garmadon spoke softly trying to reassure his son. "Thank you." Lloyd mumbled quietly.A few hours later Misako woke up to a quiet alarm, she turned the alarm off as she sat up and stretched before grabbing her glasses. It took Misako a moment to realize her husband wasn't in bed, this wasn't really an unusual occurrence after all Garmadon has always been an early riser. After a a couple of minutes, Misako made her way into the kitchen still in her nighttime clothes and her long hair in a loose down ponytail, expecting to find her husband drinking tea only to find the kitchen completely empty not even a single candle lit. Quietly Misako started to look through the monastery looking to find her husband only to get more confused when she couldn't find him anywhere. Eventually, Misako only had one room left to look at, so she quietly made her way to her son's room being careful to open the sliding door quietly to not wake up her son. The sight she found warmed her heart causing a soft smile to grace her face as she looked on at the scene of her son and husband laying curled up sound asleep together. After a minute she silently snapped a picture and quietly shut the sliding door again deciding to let the two sleep in seeing that none of them really had anything important to do today, Ninjago's been relatively silent since the final battle and the students won't be back for another week and her boys deserve to sleep in once in a while.

Please, spread this for those who might need it right now

U.S. suicide hotline: call or text 988 (available 24 hours)

U.S. trans lifeline: (877) 565-8860 (when you call, you’ll speak to a trans/nonbinary peer operator. full anonymity and confidentiality)

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – provides 24/7 confidential support and referrals for individuals and families facing mental health and substance use disorders, including panic attacks and anxiety.

LGBT National Help Center: (888) 843-4564

Trevor Project: Call (866) 488-7386, text START to 678-678, or chat online.

Take care of yourself and each other. Please stay safe ♡

Ninjago incorrect quotes Garmadad

Lloyd: What are you doing here?

Emperor Garmadon: I could ask you the same question.

Lloyd: I live here. This is my house.

Emperor Garmadon: I should probably ask you a different question.

Lord Garmadon: I’m going to hell.

Lloyd: Probably.

Lord Garmadon: I'll pick you up?

Lloyd: *nodding* Carpool.

Computer: Please enter a password.

Sensei Garmadon: *types in Lloyd*

Computer: Your password is too weak.

Sensei Garmadon: How fucking DARE YOU-

Emperor Garmadon: Quick! You must come with me! Your in great danger!

Lloyd: Why?!

Emperor Garmadon: Because I’ll kill you if you don’t.

Lil Lloyd: Help! I’m drowning!

Lord Garmadon: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water!

Lil Lloyd: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

Lil Lloyd: But that’s censorship.

Lord Garmadon: Well done. You are correct. You’re being censored. Now go.

Sensei Garmadon: Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Lloyd: Which one? I can't do both.

Emporer Garmadon: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.

Lloyd: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

Lil Lloyd: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-

Lord Garmadon: You sleep with a teddybear.

Lil Lloyd: He’s my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!

Lord Garmadon: I love cooking breakfast. It makes the whole house smell like bacon.

Lil Lloyd: That’s true, but it also smells like fire and panic.

Lord Garmadon: You and the smoke detector need to get off my case.

Lloyd in season 4: *About to do something incredibly stupid*

Sensei Garmadon: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

Lil Lloyd: Hand me the people opener.

Lord Garmadon: ...

Lord Garmadon: Pardon?

Lil Lloyd, annoyed: The g! Just hand it to me!

Lord Garmadon, stressed: WHAT THE FUCK IS A PEOPLE OPENER?

Lil Lloyd: How do you not know what a people opener is? Its pointy- you know? With a handle?

Lord Garmadon: Knife. It's called a knife.

*Lord Garmadon raised Lloyd Au*

Lil Lloyd: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’

Lord Garmadon: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

Lloyd: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*

Lord Garmadon: What did you do?!

Lloyd: NOBODY DIED!

Lord Garmadon: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Lloyd: I think it's time to start fucking some shit up.

Garmadon: Oh no.

Lloyd: More like "oh yes!"

Lloyd: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?

Sensei Garmadon: Do you make any other kind?

Season 3 Garmadon: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated!

Season 11 Lloyd: Killed without hesitation.

Emperor Garmadon: If we lose, you'll go back to not being my son.

Lloyd: I was your son again?

Movie Garmadon: *dangling from a rope over a pit of fire* Remember when I said I’d tell you when we’re in too deep?

Movie Lloyd: Yes?

Movie Garmadon: We’re in too deep.

Sensei Garmadon: How has life been treating you lately?

Movie Lloyd: Horribly.

Movie Garmadon: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

Show Lloyd: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you.

Movie Garmadon: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better.

Movie and show Lloyd: ...

*movieverse At the police station*

Movie Lloyd: Hi, I’m here for Lord Garmadon.

Police officer: Who’s Garmadon?

movie Lloyd: Ah, you must be new.

Sensei Garmadon: How are you today?

Oni Lloyd: Please don’t make me think about my life.