What We Pretend We Can't See - Gyzym

thats the best thing i have heard today(3 fucking completed wolfstar!) and even tho patience isnt my forte, but anything for our Moony, amiright?!

thaaaaanks :))

hiii, i just came across your recent wolfstar write-up and my gawd is it AMAZING!!!!! i just wanted to ask if i is a part of like an entire fic or just one-shots, and if its a fic can i please please get a link for the entire thing??! :):)

Hi friend!

So "No Matter the Wreckage" is in process presently. The intention is for it to be a whole fic (eventually...), but when I write and publish fics, I want to make sure I have the energy/brain space to give to it properly. It WILL be a fic, but right now it's just...bits and pieces lol.

They can definitely be read as one-shots/drabbles for now :) I just ask for patience and grace

You can go to the tag "no matter the wreckage" on my tumblr and find all the bits I've written so far and follow along for more updates/garbage from my brain

But! I am on AO3, u/n greyeyedmonster18 and there you shall find three completed wolfstar fics

xoxoxox

fuck yeah!

red white and royal blue has some raw ass quotes that make me lose my ever loving mind such as:

“I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire. And then I was a careless fool, and I fell in love with you anyway.”

and

“history, huh? bet we could make some.”

and

“on purpose. i love him on purpose.”

but it also has:

“bitch mcconnell”

and

cornbread the turkey

and

“Exploring your sexuality: Healthy, but does it have to be with the Prince of England?”

ok hun i hold you and your BEAUTIFUL WORDS and poor little harry responsible for THIS torrential downpour!!!!

Fault Lines pt. 3

Fault Lines 1- read here

Fault Lines 2- read here

In which Remus and Sirius get divorced and are raising Harry and just doing their very best.

--

February 1990

“Moony, I’m stuck again!” Harry turned over his shoulder from where he was working on maths homework from the tiny desk in the corner of Remus’ flat. Remus had set it up next to his own tiny desk, usually opting to do homework alongside Harry during the week, or at the very least read so his kid wasn’t alone in his misery. Sometimes, Remus even enjoyed it, though he was sure Harry would disagree. Although the shift had been challenging to get used to, the amended custody agreement that allowed Remus and Sirius to switch off month by month was actually proving to be better. They both got more uninterrupted time. Harry was no longer living out of a suitcase and trying to remember to bring his toiletries from one place to another. There were fewer checklists and worklists and just more time. Harry had two sets of clothes, two sets of shampoo, two sets of books, and toys.

Two parents.

Income was stable and Remus finally felt his feet were on the ground after years of floating in uncertainty and uncharted territory.

Remus stood up from the couch and walked towards Harry, not feeling entirely confident he would be able to unstick Harry from the horrors of primary school maths. And what made it worse was Harry being excellent at the subject, and Harry enjoying the subject after spending the first 4 years of his schooling learning maths with Sirius during the week. Remus of all people knew how exciting and captivating Sirius could make a subject sound when he was motivated to do so; when Sirius was interested and engaged, there was nothing quite so blinding. Remus had gotten a NEWT in Astronomy for that reason alone, and even now could go out and look at the stars on the street and hear Sirius’ voice reciting constellation longitudes and latitudes in the back of his mind.

“Okay…let’s…see here.”

“It’s another mixed fraction, and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I just keep getting a messier fraction and that’s not right. And then we have to add them but I can’t because I do the first part wrong and then the whole thing is wrong,” Harry looked up at him from behind round glasses, as Remus leaned over his shoulder.

It might as well have been Greek. Remus couldn’t remember a damn thing from his own muggle schooling and even then, maths wasn’t his strongest subject.

“Do…you have a text for this, Harry?”

“It’s at school. We were just given worksheets.”

“Okay…” Remus looked at it again and then back at Harry, “I…am not the person who should help you with this. Why don’t you take a break while I get Sirius over here, hm?”

“Can a break include those chocolate cupcakes in the cupboard?”

Remus smiled, kissing Harry on top of his hair quickly before he could escape from the chair, “As long as you save one for me.”

Harry pumped a fist into the air before getting out of the chair and walking the short distance to the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards. His flat had been thrown together with, pieces collected from different shops and yard stales when he stumbled across them. A grandmother's lap on the end table; kitchen chairs that were already broken in with gaudy plaid cushion covers; the rug that tied the space together in shades of burnt orange and brown that just needed some extra love to become brand new. It wasn't glamorous. But it felt right. Remus went to the end table in his small sitting room, grabbing the two-way mirror Sirius had given him when the time between visits had gotten longer. It wasn’t uncommon for Harry to fall asleep talking with his godfather.

“Sirius!” Remus said into the mirror and waited a few moments, the unmistakable sound of classic rock heard in the distance before Sirius’ face appeared. It hurt to admit it, but Sirius looked happier than he had looked in years. Sirius laughed more now, and Remus wasn’t sure if he could attribute the newfound lightness to healing from grief or a marriage that he never wanted. There were some days Remus still put on his wedding ring. Checking to see if it still fit? Checking to see if it was still right to leave it off? Sirius hadn’t touched his since the day they left the ministry, papers signed, tattooed hands now covered with other jewelry. The jewelry Sirius had slowly stopped wearing once the wedding ring went on and a kid was put into his hands.

“Hey Moons, how’s it going?”

“I hope I’m not interrupting a party?” Remus asked, watching out of the corner of his eye as Harry shoved a whole chocolate cupcake into his mouth, “Oi! Make sure you chew that at least 50 times, I’m not prepared to do the Heimlich this evening.”

“Mfffhmmmp!” Harry nodded, exaggerating his chewing for Remus’ benefit.

“Party for one,” Sirius responded, “Do I need to come give an etiquette lesson? I’m sure there’s a book around here somewhere.”

“No, but it would be great if you could come give some help on fractions.”

“Mixed fractions!” Harry said, coming to where Remus was standing, chocolate hanging on the corners of his mouth. Remus angled the mirror down to Harry’s level so he could see Sirius’ face.

Sirius gasped, “Mixed fractions? Those are the best kind.”

“And we’re adding them,” Harry told him, “I think Moony was asleep during maths…”

“Might be right,” Remus laughed and looked back at his ex-husband who had put down a glass of wine he was holding, the music quieting. “Would you mind?”

“I’ll be over. But--”

“But?”

“Do I need to bring my own chocolate-whatever or will I have to lick it off of my godson's face?”

“Gross!” Harry exclaimed, though he started wiping his face with his sleeve, “There’s three left, so you don’t even have to fight over it.”

“Imagine that.” Sirius laughed, “I’ll be over in a bit. Floo alright?”

“Floo’s alright.”

--

August 1990

Sirius attributed it to his namesake that he always had a particular affinity towards the sun. Towards the sky. But particularly, he was certain there was nothing that couldn’t be fixed by enough sunshine, and he was inclined to believe that theory after returning to Number 12 after spending the day at the seaside with Harry and Remus. The water was calm and clear. Remus read on the beach under an umbrella while he and Harry jumped over waves. Sirius loved when Harry was a baby, all soft and giggling; easy to hold and warm against his chest. Sirius also loved when Harry was a toddler and was full of curious questions and too much energy. But there was a special joy Sirius was discovering in having a ten-year-old who now understood how games worked, and Sirius didn’t have to go easy on him while throwing a disc. Sirius could still pick Harry up but didn’t have to be nearly as gentle and he loved listening to Harry’s loud laughter every time he chucked him back into the water. They stayed out there all day, watching the sunset on the sea from a muggle seafood restaurant, and as a result, Harry had passed out in the car on the way home, sunbathed and exhausted.

Sirius also realized that ten was still small enough to be carried up the stairs and tucked into bed after stumbling to get into pajamas. Still young enough to want a hug from both of them before falling asleep.

“I don’t think he’s gone to bed this willingly since he was five…” Remus commented, smiling softly as they walked back to the threshold of Number 12 where all their bags had been dropped in favor of getting a child up the stairs. Harry’s suitcase for the month was still there, Sirius thinking that there wasn’t a better way to start the month and the last few weeks of summer with his kid.

“And he’ll deny it too.” Sirius laughed, “Want to stay for a second? I think I have lemon bars left in the fridge…”

“Well, when you tempt me like that…” Remus said gesturing toward the kitchen.

It was comfortable, as Remus went into the cabinets to fill classes of water and Sirius went to pull out the lemon bars. Harry wasn’t living out suitcases anymore and Remus had stopped feeling like an unwelcomed guest in Sirius’ home. Though, that was probably because Sirius had stopped treating him as one. They had open-door policies during their months, and Sirius found that he would go over to Remus’ flat for dinner sometimes on a random Monday, or meet them in the park on Sunday, at Harry’s request. If Sirius was taking Harry to a Quidditch game, Remus was always invited, even if he usually declined. If Remus was taking Harry to see a special exhibit at the History museum, Sirius was invited (and he definitely declined).

“What’s all this?” Remus asked as Sirius finished cutting out the squares from the tin and plating them.

“What’s all--oh. That. Where’d you find that?”

“I’m nosy and looked through your post,” Remus said inclining his head towards the small table at the edge of the counter that had always held the post.

“Appreciate the candor, Moons…” Sirius put the small plate in front of an empty seat on the kitchen table, noticing Remus bringing the pieces of letters over with him as he sat down. “I’ve…been considering taking a few…courses at the Ministry.”

“This looks like more than considering. It says you're enrolled and--”

Sirius reached across the table, pulling the letter from Remus’ hands whose only response was a cheeky grin, “That’s illegal you know, going through people’s post.”

“Seems like you would know. Has a nice ring to it, I think, Sirius Black, Esquire. Is that what they’d called you?” Remus cut off a piece of the lemon bar with his fork, innocently taking a bite.

“You’re terrible.”

“You’ve told me that a few times before.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and cut off a piece of his own dessert, “Harry starts Hogwarts in…well, too soon. I can’t believe it, really. I wanted to stay home because I know James would have and even when we were together, it was just better with someone at home.” Remus nodded, considering his words, “But…he won’t need someone at home anymore, and I figured I should find something to do. Other than…drinking and going on joy rides.”

“Law? Really?”

“I don’t know if you know this, but I’ve gotten very familiar with Ministry legal procedures these past 10 years,” he said and Remus laughed, “So much of it is bullshit, and I don’t know…thought maybe I would try to put my posh last name to good use and try to…change some of it. It’s stupid, really, but it gets me out of the house.”

Remus smiled, “I think…I think that’s great, Sirius.”

“You don’t need to placate me. It’s just a passing idea, I don’t know if I’m going to start…”

“No, I mean it, I think it’s great.” Remus told him, “And..uh..these are also very good. Thank you.”

“I’ll send some home with you. I can always make more.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know.”

"So...law. Politics. Really?"

"Stop sounding so surprised."

"No, I'm just wondering what all the years of disappointing your family were for if you were just going to end up here," Remus said dryly, smiling around another bite, and Sirius laughed.

"You're right. Should I go find my mother's portrait in the attic?"

"I'm sure she'd love a visit. Pleasant woman."

--

Harry woke up the next morning half in his bed, a foot sticking out of cool linen sheets, and the feeling of sun still on his face. But more importantly, was the feeling of Christmas Morning in his stomach. The butterflies--the dragons-- flapping their wings because your body knew what was in store for the day. Harry knew. Because he had gone to bed and both Remus and Sirius were there.

Because Harry had tiptoed out of his room after being tucked in, to get a glass of water and had heard them laughing in the kitchen. And it was late. He didn’t get his water, not wanting to interrupt Remus and Sirius, rushing back to his room with a smile on his face in eager anticipation of the morning. He tried not to run downstairs because he had fallen a few times doing that and a bruised knee was not going to ruin the day, but he still walked quickly. Two at a time.

He expected to walk through and see Sirius and Remus there. Maybe they would have coffee out. Or Sirius would’ve made something special and Remus would be at the table smiling that smile that made him look younger and maybe Sirius would be hugging Remus the way he hugged everyone that made them feel so safe and so cared about. And it would be perfect.

Harry tried not to let his face fall when he walked into the kitchen and only saw Sirius.

Because that was still good. Sirius was the best. Sirius was his favorite person. Sirius always smiled when he saw Harry and Sirius always let Harry pick his breakfast and would usually go flying with him in the afternoons. But he liked Sirius and Remus best.

“Morning, love. Sleep okay?”

“I don’t even remember falling asleep I was so tired.”

“Yeah, you’re getting heavy too. Practically dragged you up the stairs last night…” Sirius teased as Harry sat down in front of him, Sirius kissing his hand before reaching across the table to put on Harry’s cheek.

“Nuh-uh! You’re just old, maybe.”

“Oh, cheeky, I see. So you don’t want breakfast? I was feeling in a chocolate chip mood this morning and made a bread if--”

Sirius had some superpowers that Harry sometimes wondered where he got them from. If like muggle comic books, Sirius was bitten by a spider, and instead of being able to sling webs, he had the ability to read minds, even if Harry had been away.

“I take it back, I take it back! You’re not a day over…er…t-tw-en--twenty?”

Sirius laughed standing up, “Nice save.”

Harry watched from the table as Sirius magically got out plates for them, cutting the bread by hand.

I used to think that the best way was with magic, but I’ve learned that…somethings are just better by hand. The old-fashioned way. You’ll see.

“Hey, Sirius?”

“Hey, Harry?”

“Where’s Remus?” he asked finally. Maybe Remus was still asleep, just upstairs. Or he was in the next room over. Any moment he would come around the corner. Maybe they should wait to eat the chocolate bread because he would like it too. Maybe he and Sirius would go outside in the morning like they used to when Harry was little so that Remus could sleep, and eventually, Remus would appear in the backyard, with his cup of coffee and sweater no matter the temperature.

“Hopefully at his home, and by the time…I would guess he’s sleeping.”

“How come he’s not here?”

Sirius set the plates on the table and sat down once more, “...Why…well he doesn’t live here. You know that. It was nice he spent the day with us yesterday but he went home.”

But he was here! I heard you! Harry wanted to scream already until one of them finally heard.

He was here and now he’s not.

That’s unfair!

He swallowed, “I just thought he might…be here? Like maybe he stayed...”

“Oh, sorry. We can write him today if you’d like.”

“No…it’s okay,” Harry said quietly, looking back down. The Christmas Morning feeling had faded with his appetite, butterflies turned to ashes in the blink of an eye. He picked at the fruit on his plate with his fork, unwilling to look up, the colors blurring in front of him as his eyes filled with hot tears. He tried to push them down, shake them away because it was too early to be crying and he had no reason to be.

Remus didn’t live with them.

He did. When Harry was a baby and everything wasn’t so hard.

And now he didn’t.

And that was that.

And that was the way it had been for years.

There was no reason for tears when this was just how it was.

Harry sniffed, reaching a hand up quickly, hoping Sirius didn’t see him do it.

“Harry, babe, what’s all this? Hey, look at me,” Sirius said gently, one of his big hands coming underneath Harry’s chin, lifting it upward. “Talk to me, please?”

“I…heard you talking last night,” Harry managed, his lip quivering as he spoke, “Like you used to? I just…you’ve been getting along more and I just thought that…”

It sounded so stupid now, saying it out loud.

Harry didn’t have to finish his sentence before Sirius realized where he was going, hating that he was so transparent.

Elastic heart.

Sirius sighed softly, “I’m sorry if yesterday was confusing for you, Harry. We’re...just really trying hard to be friends. We don't mean to send you crossed-signals about that."

“So you’re not getting back together?” Harry asked in a voice so small, it didn’t even sound like it came from him.

“I’m sorry.” Answer enough.

“Don’t you love him?”

“Yeah, I do. I always will. He’s Remus.”

“Then why can’t you be together?”

Sirius paused for a very long time, a thumb running across Harry’s cheek, wiping away tears that couldn’t be stopped.

Torrential downpour.

“Sometimes…it takes more than love to make things work, Harry.”

A heart comprised of too many rubber bands formed into a ball finally snapped, one by one, until there was nothing left.

“Hey, come here,” Sirius said, pushing his chair away from the table. Ten was probably too big to crawl into your godfather's arms. Ten was probably too big to be crying at the table uncontrollably too. But Harry did both, letting Sirius pull him into his lap, and he felt Sirius' arms wrap around him tightly.

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t really either.”

“But...what about my Mum? And Dad? They died because they loved me?”

“They did. They loved you so much.” That wasn’t enough. They're not here either. “We love you too, you know that? Both me and Remus. And none of this--”

“Is my fault, I know…” Sirius kissed him on the top of his head, pulling away just enough so he could look at Harry in the face. “I..”

“What are you thinking about?”

“I…just thought it would be nice if we all lived together again. Kinda got my hopes up…” he trailed off, his arm still around Sirius, not wanting to let go just yet.

“I know the feeling,” Sirius offered him a sad sort of smile, “Do…should we go have breakfast outside instead? I don’t know much, but I do know there…are few things that just a little bit of sun can’t fix.”

Did you take Remus outside when you asked him to leave? Did you take Remus outside in the sun to keep him from leaving?

Harry learned two things that day.

Love couldn’t save a single person.

And the combination of Sirius and the sun couldn’t fix everything.

wow. okay WOW!

The Best Worst Thing to Have Ever Happened pt. 6

read parts 1-5 here (links to part 5, the rest are there)

AU in which Jily is still alive but Harry chooses to stay with Wolfstar and everything is worse now.

(thanks for following along, bebes and letting me guide you through another heartbreaking endeavor. xoxo)

--

January 1996

“So I don’t…have to go back?” Harry asked from their kitchen table, looking at Remus over the sandwich he prepared. Their kid had come home, duffle over his shoulder, running to their bedroom to find Sirius, without even having been filled in on the details. He was just happy to have an excuse to be there against his godfather's side. Sirius had slept for the longest length of time in months, dodging the alarm clocks and morning sun, even as both Remus and Harry got out of bed. Remus told him to take his time, last Remus saw Sirius had been immersed in a long shower.

“Do you want to?”

“Not really.”

“Then, no.” Remus did his best to keep his voice level, not wanting to show Harry just how truly angry he still was. Even through James calling through the mirror. Even with the post received that morning from Lily asking just to talk. Remus wasn’t interested in talking. Remus was only interested in guarding Harry and Sirius, and though he never thought it would be the case, that meant staying away from Lily. And James.

“But I thought….” Harry trailed off, eyes going down to his plate, “I thought I couldn’t? I don’t want to be a pain, I’m not…it’s fine over there, Moony, I promise. They’re nice!”

Remus put down his cup to put two fingers under Harry’s chin, tilting his face upward again so they could make eye contact, “I know this has gotten very messy, and that is our fault entirely. You are a child--”

“I am not.”

“You will be my child until I am dead and buried, love, that’s just how it works. You’ll forty and I’ll be…one hundred probably and you will still be my kid,” Remus told him, “What I mean is…you are not responsible for the actions of the people who are supposed to take care of you. None of this is your responsibility to worry about, but it’s very kind that you are. Makes you a good person.”

Dark eyebrows knitted together behind glasses, “So what happens now?

“I don’t know yet,” Remus admitted, “I had only gotten so far as to this moment…and unfortunately may need to ask Sirius for some…guidance for the next parts.”

Harry grinned softly, “Might make me a bad person, a bit, but I kind of like it when Sirius scolds someone who isn’t me...like when he goes and shouts at Snape?”

“Cheers to that, love.” Remus returned his smile, raising his cup to his lips as Harry went back to lunch, both of them eagerly waiting for Sirius to come downstairs.

--

“He deserves to get to know them, Remus.”

“They don’t deserve to get to know him.”

“She was just mad.”

“I've been mad at you plenty and have never said those things.”

“Remus.”

“Sirius.”

Sirius sighed and ran a hand over his hair, pulling back the covers on the bed, “I--”

“I’m glad, that you can forgive and I am glad that you are made up of second chances, Sirius when it comes to how you’re treated. But I’m not, and I…I am happy to supervise their visits again but like hell is he spending a single night over there.”

“I’m just trying to figure out how this can be amicable.”

“Amicable stopped being a possibility the second they asked the ministry to keep looking.”

Sirius cleared his throat and crossed to where Remus was standing at the bathroom sink. He wrapped his arms around his husband's waist from behind, settling his forehead into his shoulder. He could’ve stayed there forever. Where it was simple and easy and his husband could hold some of the weight he’d been carrying around since he had woken up in the dead of night with a feeling. It was still there. “Fudge says it…shouldn’t take too long for the case to get closed because they…don’t really have one. Harry won’t be involved at all.”

“Good,” Remus said and Sirius wished he could detach the way Remus had. Pretend it was just two strangers and not his best friend and his wife. Not the person whose family had raised him. Remus's hand fell on top of Sirius’s around his waist and Sirius could feel his fingers trace over the tattoo of Harry’s birthday on his wrist, “In case I make fun of you for it again later and forget…thank you for obsessively keeping every bit of documentation about Harry we’ve ever gotten. Neatly organized too. I’d be very fucked without you.”

Sirius laughed, kissing the top of Remus’s shoulder through his long sleeve shirt.

--

James had floo-ed over to Number 12, Harry set to go back to school in just under two weeks, wanting to spend time while he could. Harry was alone in the sitting room when he arrived. He had stayed up talking with Sirius late into the night, not quite having the words to cover everything Lily had said or erase them completely. Even if Sirius was quicker to put things aside, clinging to everything that was familiar, even if it wasn’t good for him, James knew Sirius remembered everything. James knew the hurt was still lurking in the caverns of his best friend's body, alongside the words Orion and Walburga Black had said to him as a child.

He’s not your kid sitting comfortably next to You’re not wanted here, Sirius, get out.

“Oh. Hey,” he greeted when he saw James, not quite a smile, but not quite a frown either.

“Hey, are…your…Remus and Sirius here?”

Harry nodded, “They’re around. Did you see the snow? We could probably have a proper fight in the backyard…”

“Sounds good,” James smiled, “I’m going to go find them, just let them know?"

“I’ll be here,” Harry looked back down, at the book in his lap but the color of the pages caught James’s eye.

“What are you working on?”

“Oh, uh…it’s just my journal. Nothing important.”

“I journal too. Did you know that?”

“Mhmm. Sirius told me. That’s why I started…he gave me all of your old ones too. So I could get to…know you, I guess,” Harry looked up at him again, “Kind of weird that I read them now considering…I think I know too much.”

Sirius told me.

The journal even looked the same as the one James wrote in.

James snorted, “Please tell me you stopped before seventh year?”

“I really wish I did.”

--

Lily was in the kitchen, putting biscuits onto a tray, ready to go join Harry, Remus, and James in the sitting room, the snow falling outside. Everything was made fresh, and Lily asked Harry to pick a record to listen to. There was faint music playing, light conversation, a noticeable space in the room that would’ve been for Sirius had he wanted to come over again. He hadn’t spoken to Lily, aside from through cordial post regarding Harry, even if the early morning mirror conversations had resumed with James.

“Is this Joni Mitchell?” Lily asked, guitar filling the sitting room, Harry coming to sit in the armchair.

“Yeah,” Harry grinned, “She’s the best for snow days.”

“I love Joni Mitchell. Did you know that?”

Harry nodded again, taking the cup of tea Lily held out for him, “Thank you. Sirius told me. We have a bunch of records that used to be yours, play them a lot. I suppose you could have them back?”

“No…no, keep them.”

--

There was a knock at the door of his study and Sirius sat up from where he was reclining in his desk chair. He was supposed to be collecting documentation, the entire cabinet in his desk designated for Harry pulled open and untouched. Birth certificate, schooling records, every single Healer appointment, and broken bone; a drawing Harry had made at nine that won a prize at school, his first detention from Hogwarts, a copy of a Hogsmeade permission slip. Not a single moment of Harry’s life had gone unaccounted for, and all that was going to be used to prove to a court--a fucked up system that Sirius worked every day to overturn--that Remus and Sirius should be able to keep him.

They left you with me, and I got to keep you.

But he hadn’t been left with Sirius at all and filing to keep him felt dirty. Even if it might be necessary.

Harry opened the door, Sirius immediately glancing at the clock on the wall to get the time, confirming that it was late. Harry didn’t have his glasses on, sweatpants hanging on his hips, and a Hufflepuff sweatshirt pulled over his head that was a little big on him.

“Did you come to tell me to go to bed?” asked Sirius jokingly

“As long as you don't tell me, I won't say a thing."

“Moons can deal with both of us being cranky tomorrow then…” Sirius said, offering a smiling and leaning forward onto the surface of his desk, after flipping over the document that was definitely not for Harry’s eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“Just some filing.”

“Is it about the court case?” Harry had made his way into the study, taking a seat on the leather chair by Sirius’s bookshelves. The ones that were separate from the library and mostly contained legal texts.

“Don’t worry about that, babe.”

“I’m already worrying about it, so you and Remus telling me not to really isn’t helping.” Harry muttered, picking at a thread of his sweatshirt.

“Is that why you’re up?”

“Mmm…yep. Yes. That’s exactly why I’m up. Just…worrying.” Harry said half-convincingly and Sirius snorted out a laugh. Almost sixteen meant a blatant insistence of not needing to go to bed before midnight. Almost sixteen meant navigating an over-tired teenager who had clearly not gone to sleep and had a tendency to get very weepy when that was the case. Almost sixteen also meant that staying up to talk to his boyfriend through a gifted two-way mirror was the most important thing in the world. Sirius remembered feeling that way. “Do…you think they…they’re mad at me?”

“No one's mad at you, Harry. I promise.”

“Okay, but what happens when everything's set with the ministry? What if they’re just…mad?”

Sirius stood up from behind his desk to walk over to Harry, taking a seat on the ottoman next to his godson’s bare feet. “They won’t be.”

“But what if they are?”

“Then you tell me, and I’ll take care of it. That’s how things work right?” Sirius asked him, catching green eyes, and reaching up to pull the fingernail he was chewing on out of Harry’s mouth, “Just as things have always worked. Someone is being rude to you, or you think they’re mad and you don’t know what to do, you talk to me and Moony and we’ll take care of it.”

“You can’t do that forever you know…fix things.”

“Watch me.” Harry rolled his eyes, but caught himself before his other hand made it into his mouth, “Yeah?”

“I guess.”

Sirius waited, keeping his eyes on Harry, and keeping his hand where it was. Adolescence was just a waiting game, it turned out. Waiting to get taller, waiting for his voice to drop, waiting to be picked up and dropped off, waiting to be old enough to make your own decisions, and waiting to remember what it was like to be young again. Waiting for the world to stop being a series of never-ending questions and start being a place full of magic. Sirius had learned quickly if he just waited…Harry would put pride aside in favor of some answers.

“Why...are they so mad at you? I don’t understand. I’ve tried to, I really have, and…to think how they must be feeling? But I don’t…get why they’re mad at you.”

Sirius smiled sadly, “I…think sometimes, mad is just easier. We’ve talked about that, right?”

“Yeah but I’m a teenager, I'm allowed to get mad at stupid things because hormones," Sirius couldn't help but chuckle, "They're not...and you said it goes away? That you’re supposed to be old and wise and all that and not get mad for no reason?"

“People are imperfect, my love. Including your parents--”

“They’re not my parents.”

“James and Lily,” Sirius corrected, “I’m also imperfect, so is Remus, and…we all make mistakes and it's unfortunate you’re in the crossfire. But we’ll sort it out and it’s far too exhausting to stay mad forever.”

But Harry shook his head, “You’re wrong.”

“Am I?”

“You and Remus were the best things to ever happen to me. That…you’re the perfect people for me. So you’re wrong.”

“I’ll be wrong,” Sirius said softly, Harry’s hand squeezing his own.

I got to keep you.

His kid.

--

Harry stood on the platform in front of the scarlet steam engine, holding onto his trunk as Sirius's arms rested on his shoulders. James and Lily were there too, after a few more missteps over the holiday that were done with the best of intentions. There was some saying about that wasn’t there? That it never ended up well?

It hadn’t.

But Sirius was there, and all Harry had to do was sign a piece of paper saying he wanted to stay with Remus. And Sirius. And that no amount of magic could chance that. Most days, Harry had trouble deciding what kind of tea he wanted for breakfast or choosing the correct answer on a test he definitely should’ve studied more for, but this? Was the easiest decision he had to make in a long while. The paper glowed gold and so did the lining around Harry’s heart that had been drawn tight for weeks.

Harry didn’t know what exactly had happened but had gotten one too many warnings from Sirius to stop asking, Harry James to know it hadn’t been something light. There was still shattered glass that was being picked up, dinner time conversations occasionally halting when a piece was found. All Harry knew now was that he didn’t have to spend a night on strange sheets unless he really wanted to. Everything could happen as he wanted it to, how it was supposed to be.

Harry shifted on his feet and looked up at Sirius, finally feeling ready to leave as he spotted curly brown hair walking towards the train, “I’ll see you in June?”

“Before then.”

“February?”

“Better.”

Harry grinned and turned around giving Sirius a brief hug before anyone saw him, taking a step back away from his godfather. “And…I can call you?”

“Whenever you want, babe. Same as always,” Sirius told him, “And Sunday’s for tea. I’ll be there. Be good, yeah?”

“I know, I know. No skiving off to snog, study before tests, no missing work, got it.”

“I love you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Harry responded, turning away from Sirius’s smiling face to look at James and Lily standing there. I love you definitely wasn’t right. I’ll miss you wasn’t right either. “I’ll…write. I’ll write you?”

“We would love that, Harry,” James said smiling, extending his hand for Harry to slap it as they had been doing for months as hello and goodbye.

“Write us…whenever you want.” Lily added.

Harry still wasn’t sure what to do with her. He had never had a mother before and wasn’t sure he needed one now. Not when everything Mum’s apparently did was already being covered. And…maybe that was the whole point.

It wasn’t a need.

It was going to have to be a want and there was still time for that. Harry had plenty of room in his heart for that.

“I…I’m sorry this didn’t turn out like you hoped,” Harry said before he could stop himself, noises of the platform filling his ears and Sirius’s expression shifting, “But…I kind of told you, I already have parents, and they’re really great. They…make sure I’m polite and turn in my homework and insist I eat vegetables and all that. I…don’t need two more, and I don’t need you. I’m really happy, you know? I’m just fine, more than fine, even. And I'd...be fine if you hadn't shown up. I'd be happy.”

“We know, Harry. It’s okay.”

“No…I mean…I’ve already got parents…but,” Harry paused, “I’ve…never really had godparents before. And...I think I'd like that.”

yup happens every single FUCKING time-

I was calmly having a family dinner and then out of nowhere an image of heartbroken Remus Lupin crying his heart out, head on Mary's lap repeatedly saying Sirius' name after James and Lily died surfaced on my mind. You can imagine what happened next.

Yup, finished reading ATYD for the hundredth time and still not over it.

sash's *bangs gavel* divorce!! recs

lil collection of some faves + tbr's for anyone keen for fics of the sickeningly fond wolfstar exes variety <3

hurling crowbirds at mockingbars @wrapped-up

jesus where 2 begin. the 'then' vs 'now' of it all GAH.. it's sweet and funny and angsty and beautifully written. the characterisations n lil details n the Jealousy.. laurv when rj lupin is w someone else cos we're all like 'hm. sure.' n sirius is all 'sure well. for now.' massive ty 2 @whorerific for reccing this one!!

dreaming of after @del-stars

perusing the r/s + divorce search tab as one does, this one caught me off guard i was NOT PREPARED 2 luv it as much as i did.. sirius my LUV. the angst the miscommunication the lovely ending. well i sure did enjoy this one. the most divorced un-divorced couple 2 ever never divorce undivorceably

rolling in the deep @kaaaaaaarf

present 4 me!!! karfster, whilsttt ur hatefuck r/s saga has my heart, this is delish!! SAUR hot angry n unhinged n i'm v glad u shared this w us. ur writing is..mhm it's just so. like so very. x

orange juice (i've been ready for you to come home for so long) -raggedypond

lads. lads this fic bangs. miscommuncation? No communication!! giggled kicked my feet they should never communicate ever actually. they should exclusively use smoke signals at night or whtevr they should always b this frustrating n wonderful.. luv this lil thing v v much

fault lines @greyeyedmonster-18

think abt this one all. the. time. they're so sickeningly fond of each other.. the depth of their relationship is just. well i don't cry when reading but i rlly wanted 2 w this one. r/s separate n raise harry n well. this is a 4evr fave.. heartbreaking n soso heartwarming n beautiful

bound (series) -shiftylinguini

will always n 4evr rec this series. exes 2 luvrs bby the girls they r fighting!!! angry sirius eeeek.. smiling just thinkin abt when i read this for the first time.. sirius comes back from the veil n his ex-husband has married his cousin n absolutely no one is having a nice time. well. well that's not- [major moon emoji]

here we are again -dykesiriusblack

this was the first r/s muggle au i read so don't remember it teww well but. sexually charged wine tasting ('i tell u wht folks that is really nice. that is- that is bloody loveleh') .. the memories, the banter, the lovely awkwardness of 'hi it's me. n u. well here we fucking are again' ....whimpering

a grave mistake @soloorganaas

PA-LEEK !! another sirius is back from the dead au n rj lupin (chronic loserboygenius extraordinaire) has married his ex-husband's cousin (swotting his nose w a newspaper).. oh they're so messy n flawed n wonderful. (also. well. this fic is rlly hot. mhm.) HEARTBREAKING n LOVELY fic

of memories and milk thievery @mayescapade

if u haven't read this i assume u live under a v hard, soundproof rock. deserves every single bit of love .. it Bangs. silly ex-husbands steal each other's groceries n veg n it's all soso fun n beautiful.. luv it so bad, they should divorce again i think

what's in the tbr....

penciled in -nordicsun

think i'll be leaving sum big fat comments on this. it's this feeling i have.

through the gaps of sunlight @pancakehouse & art by @belleandsaintsebastian

victorian exes2luvrs r/s. r u JOKING. wht the heck this looks gorgeous

right back where we started from @soloorganaas

magic + divorce ..HIHELLOHOWRUUU. cannot believe i haven't begun this yet

you can have this heart to break @anouri

yas, u can deffo have my heart 2 break, this looks delish

labyrinth @mayescapade

'he wasn't you.' .....biting my lip.

read the tags, leave the authors love, etc.. kay bye <3

yassssss!!!!!!! i just finished atyd and im a mess of emotions rn!!!

have y’all ever read a fanfic so good you then want to read fanfics of that fanfic?

Cinderella marries the Prince, part 1/2

All The Young Dudes

“I’ve loved keeping your secret, Remus wanted to say, I’d keep a thousand more, for you.”

"That's why I don't have any friends"

"Hey...I'm your friend"