Yeah, 12 Frikin Years Huh?! No One Deserves That.

MY FAVOURITE DPS FICS (in the order they appear on my bookmarks)

Dog Days are Over by rubylaurus - Mordern AU where Neil is a successful actor and Todd is a intern writer for his show. It's adorable with a little bit of ambiguity in the end.

lick me like a flame by perksofbeingpoet - ANGST SO MUCH ANGST. THE BEST ANGST I'VE SEEN.

Let Me Wallow in Your Afterglow by Glittery_Bubbles - This could easily be the script of the 2nd movie if Neil hadn't died. LOVED the characterization and Keating's lessons.

I Read You for Some Kind of Poem by Glittery_Bubbles - A WIP but ADDICTED hello??? Like so sad, so so sad. Cry bitches

True Blue by PureCacophony - Another WIP which is updates pretty periodically. Very fluffy, very adorable. Mordern AU. Extremely well written. Mwah

I Crawl, an Animal to You by dirtbag_dyke - Amazing Characterization, it has smut.

how it is, how it was (how it has to be) by perksofbeingpoet - TEARS. ANDERPERRY BREAKUP. Phone call rituals. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Volta by suffragettecity - Neil meets Todd after med school.

White Walls and Blurry Eyes by lightswechase - four words - crown tattoo, ring finger

but they just JUST kissseeeeeeeeeed!!!!!

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!!

WHY WOULD THE SCREENWRITERS PUT US THROUGH THIS TORTURE!!!!!!!

WHY DID EDDDYYY LEAVEE??? WHY DIDN'T STEDE MEET HIM AT THE SPOT?????

i mean i know the answers to these ofc, BUT OH GAWD-

oh my gosshhhh i lovee it!!! its way tooo amazing!!!

You know, a conventional relationship goes like this:

1. First Date

2. First Kiss

3. Sleep together

4. Say you love eachother

5. Move in together

6. Get married

Remus and Sirius were never conventional.

They had their first kiss at fifteen, over a drunken game of spin the bottle.

They said they loved eachother every day since third year.

Sirius had a tendency to propose on a whim (“Thankyou for doing my homework remus, will you marry me?”, “Remus, I’m bored, marry me”).

They moved in together right out of hogwarts, even though they both knew what a terrible idea it was to live with your best friend that you’re secretly in love with.

Eventually, they said they loved eachother for real, kissed, and fucked.

Sirius proposed for real two months later.

They got married, and then realised they’d never been on an official date because they always just hung out, because it felt natural that way.

They went on their first date 15 years after meeting.

It wasn’t a conventional relationship, but it was theirs.

YAY WE HAVE A BONUS HERE, GUYSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

@greyeyedmonster-18 thank you thank you thank you SO MUCH, you absolutely amazing human!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons (to go to michigan): bonus

authors note and chapter below the cut. thanks for loving this little au so much.

--

read the fic here

notes: it is short, and thats largely because i could easily get carried away, drumming up countless scenarios of their little life together for the time being.

my #brand is kind of sort of love stories. and my mission statement is always this idea of...love comes with an asterisk of like "it doesn't always work this way". one of the biggest messages of ten reasons was for remus to learn how much of himself he had given away in a previous relationship, so much so that the only place he had to go at the beginning of the fic with a drop of familiarity was his childhood town. and you can see this with his speech in particular, how hesitant he is to give anything of himself away. and at the end of the fic, even though he's being brave and starting this relationship for real (and starting it the same way he started his first one that ended so poorly), he also knows this time around more of himself and more of what belongs to him.

he has an apartment of his own. he has a successful book that he is allowed to be proud of. he has the upper peninsula. he knows which friends he can count on (and one of them happens to be Marlene). so yes, it was a love story...but it also wasn't. at the end of the fic, remus knows this time around if it all goes to shit, he'll be okay.

(we could also say the same for sirius, who's last serious relationship was when he was high all the time and wasn't himself. its a love story...but its also not.)

without further ado...

--

“Harry, let’s go!” Sirius said down the hall, “Your butt needs to be out that door in 10 minutes!”

“Telling me when I need to leave doesn’t help me go any faster!” Harry shouted back and Remus sipped his coffee at the table across from Regulus, both of them used to the morning hurricane that was Sirius trying to get a fourteen, going on fifteen-year-old out the door in a timely fashion, neither of them offering any help. In fact, most mornings, Regulus was content to make Sirius’ job harder with dry comments, occasionally sticking out a foot from underneath the table to see if Sirius would trip over it in the hurry. Remus was always impressed that Sirius managed to dodge it, and managed to get Regulus back later in the day. Remus had witnessed Regulus fall to the ground due to an assault from his brother more than a few times. Despite how early they were, and that Remus could’ve stayed in Sirius’s room, he found it easier to get up with the rest of the house, realizing that once Harry was out the door, the morning slowed down significantly and Sirius made a better cup of coffee than he ever could.

It never got old though.

The morning dance of Sirius packing a lunch (though these days it also consisted of giving Harry a wad of cash and hoping for the best); of Harry stumbling down the hall still half-asleep with his backpack over his shoulder; the banter and the reminders for the day.

“I’m here, I’m going, it’s fine,” Harry said, emerging from his bedroom, his shoes already on, but his school tie undone and the blazer over his arm.

“Seven minutes,” Sirius said, “You remember which train to take?”

“Yes, I’ve been doing it for months now.”

“Homework?”

“Packed,” Harry said, grabbing a bar from the pantry and an orange from the counter that went into his backpack as well. “Coffee?”

“You’re small enough, kid.”

“That was uncalled for. I’m growing,” Harry scowled and Sirius shrugged “I am! Tell him!” He looked at the table for help.

“I’m not telling him anything,” Regulus said, his hands wrapped around his own cup of coffee as he eyed his nephew, “But I am telling you that over my dead body are you walking out the door looking like you’ve rolled out of bed.”

“I mean, I did,” and Remus snorted at the reply. There was something so refreshing about getting to know a teenager and having them as part of his life. No punches were ever pulled, no stone of opportunity for back-talk and sass unturned. But Harry was kind like Sirius, in the way he held doors open for others when they went out together; the way it was always thank you and please when he meant it. The way he stopped what he was doing to listen if he thought it was important.

“I’m not above tucking in your shirt for you, Harry,” Reg put down his coffee, “Fix yourself, please.”

“Sirius said I have five minutes!”

“Four now,” Sirius said and Harry sighed, dropping his backpack to the ground in a huff, Remus smiling silently over his cup of coffee. The adjustment to private school uniforms was one of Harry’s biggest complaints. Though from the rest of what he had observed, and been told from Sirius, the smaller class sizes and the available sports teams were worth it. Harry had friends. Harry had a girlfriend. Harry was no longer the kid whose parents died so he moved, and was just another kid. “And it’s only two if it’s the subway, but I’m always happy to drive and can cut the time in half”

“You shouldn’t brag about that,” Remus said under his breath, Sirius hearing and giving him a wink.

“No one wears the uniform right…” muttered Harry, tucking in his shirt, trying to keep still as Sirius knotted the tie around his neck.

“Well, no one isn’t my nephew so,” Regulus shrugged, “Sorry about it.”

“Can you divorce your relatives? Can I sign a petition for an Uncle who isn't such a--"

"Shhh, it's too early, it's too early," Sirius's voice masked the undoubtedly unpleasant thing Harry was saying to Regulus, the man not entirely able to conceal his smile.

“Shame,” Harry pulled a face at Regulus, and Regulus returned it, the comments all said without bite behind them. Harry picked his bag up again. “Can I go? Anything else? Should I curtsy? Spitshine my shoes really quick?”

“Your shoes are fine, actually.” Regulus commented, “Would love the curtsy though, let me get my phone out so I can have it on video.” Harry ignored his uncle, turning back to Sirius who had caught his face in his hands. The same way they always did before Harry left for the day.

“Text me when you get to school, I love you so much, don’t get caught kissing in the halls again, babe.”

“I know the rules, babe. Love you, babe.” Harry rolled his eyes, Sirius still managing to kiss him on the side of the head before he walked out the door entirely, “Bye Reg, Bye Remus!”

Remus gave a wave. Thinking back to the mornings where Harry didn't acknowledge his existence at the table until after 10am. As if he wanted to pretend his godfather wasn't in a relationship serious enough that warranted sleepovers. Thinking back to the time Harry had cornered Remus by the shared bathroom and sized him up.

I like you. But if you hurt him, I will leave terrible public reviews on your book and drag your name through the mud. Don't underestimate the power of a teenager with a smartphone. Yeah?

As far as Remus knew, he was still holding up his end of the bargain.

Once the door shut, Sirius let out a breath, running a hand over his hair to tie it up.

“That’s an Olympic sport, I think. And I’d medal in it,” he said, walking over to Remus for the first time that day to wrap his arms around his shoulders. Sirius was always up first, and by the time Remus made it to the kitchen, the day at the races was on and consisted of lunch making and double-checking for permission slips and schedules for sports practices. Remus didn’t mind waiting for the morning kisses though. They always came.

Long gone were the days he once sat wondering if affection would come before the nighttime. Before substances and loneliness. Long gone were the days someone reached for Remus because he was there and not because they wanted to.

“Were you really going to let him walk out the door looking like that?”

“Careful, your snob is showing, Reg,” Sirius replied from where he had gone to fix his own cup of coffee, the scent of Sirius’s shampoo lingering somewhere around Remus’s shoulder. Only a few feet away and Remus already missed the weight of arms on his shoulders.

“I’m serious.”

“If you want to be the one who wakes him up after he shuts off his alarm, and makes sure he doesn’t leave his brain in his bedroom with his homework every morning, by all means. I will gladly take over and make sure his shirt’s tucked in before he leaves the house. Drinking coffee leisurely at the table.”

“How else would you get the gold then?” Regulus asked, sharing a smart look with Remus. Sirius came over to join them, immediately taking Remus’s hand and putting it at the back of his neck, Remus’s fingers running along black curls. Sirius’s eyes met his, a soft smile crossing his lips as he picked up his coffee mug.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Morning.”

It wasn’t every night that they spent together, and it wasn’t every morning either, phone calls and text messages bridging the gap between time spent underneath sheets, bodies wrapped around each other like trees grown together. It wasn’t every day they spent together, Remus having his own schedule that was being steadily filled out by meetings and interviews for book podcasts, the rush of finishing first returning quickly when his name stayed on top of the Best Seller list for months.

There was no resentment when Remus was gone. Just Tupperware of Remus’s favorite cookies tucked away into his suitcase to find for later. Just embarrassing Welcome Home signs at the airport. Just long kisses in airports, like they do in all the movies. Just daily reminders of what he was coming back to.

Miss you.

Proud of you.

I love you.

My novelist.

There was no insecurity (well...less insecurity) when Sirius was absent during lacrosse playoffs or what Remus learned was called installation week and Sirius would be at the studio for days at a time with his phone on Do Not Disturb mode, only coming up for air for childcare. Remus left the reminders on those days.

I hope you’re still getting sleep.

Harry is welcome at my apartment if you need more time. I don't know anything about teenagers but I have a television and a full pantry.

Friday take-out is on me

I love you

No matter what, they always came back together. Words dissolved into each other's arms and they caught up on the hours, the day, sometimes the week; hands just thankful to be touching once more, eager to feel warm skin again.

It wasn’t perfect, though Remus thought some days that this painfully realistic Hallmark movie that involved sleepless nights, lingering drug habits, grief, crippling anxiety, and a teenager who told the truth no matter what, was still light years better than the faux-fairytale he was in for his twenties. Remus was still repairing trust in others after being badly burned. Sirius was still learning to ask for help instead of burning out.

It wasn’t happy ever after, because that simply didn’t exist, as much as Remus would look at Sirius on his bad days and see a knight in shining armor.

But it was happy.

It was happy.

this is so important

why would you need to prove it to someone? isnt it just common sense?!

Ok I need to prove something to a friend

Reblog if you think it’s perfectly ok/normal for guys to cry and emotionally express themselves.

There are dumb people in this world who need to know that crying doesn’t make guys look weak!

If the face fits

Jily meet cute! ....well, this might be a meet ugly, but it's all I can think of. Based on a video I saw a while back, and I'll try to post it if I find it again. NSFW below the cut.

Lily hates the first day at a new gym. 

Trying out a new gym is always a bit uncomfortable. There are rules and expectations that are common across every gym, of course, but each one has its own culture that you really can’t know until you walk in the door. What is the flow around the equipment? What is the acceptable time on a machine? Where is the best vantage point to check out the gym hotties?

Lily despises walking in without knowing what to expect, but she and Mary moved to this city a month ago, and running outside is only going to get her by for so long. She needs some actual gym equipment. So, she’s braving gym visits. 

This one, Marauders Fitness (“We solemnly swear to get you swole!”) caught her eye. It’s run by four guys, each of whom are sexy in that sweaty-abs-on-display sort of way, if you’re someone who is into that sort of thing. (Lily… Lily was into that sort of thing). They offered a three-day visit pass, and this is Lily’s first day. 

She is already feeling the distinct exhaustion in her underused muscle, knowing that she’ll be deliciously sore tomorrow. All she needs is to lift some weights, and she’ll be done. 

She pulls out her phone to text Mary, who is stuck at work, as she sits down on the weight bench. Only, she doesn’t actually sit on the bench. 

Lily turns to look and jumps up again, just in time to see a guy with messy hair sit up from where he had laid down on the bench. “Oh, oh my god. I’m so–” 

She turns and runs. There’s really no other solution now, right? As much as she liked this gym, she can never, ever return. She honestly debates leaving her bag in the locker room, until she realizes her keys are in there, and she doubles back for it. 

“Hey, wait a minute!” 

She turns to see Mr. Messy Hair coming after her, jogging to catch up. “Nope, sorry. I have, um, an urgent appointment somewhere else. Across town. I have to go.” 

“You can’t go yet,” he says, walking beside her as she continues toward the locker room. 

“Yes, I can. Can’t be helped, must go.” She tries to walk a little faster, but this guy is tall and his long legs take big strides. 

“Well, before you run out, at least give me your name and number.” He looks down at her with a smirk, and she pretends it doesn’t make her stomach swoop. “You wouldn’t just sit on my face and run, would you?”

Lily groans. “You did not just use that line.” 

He laughs, and it’s such a full, happy sound. “It’s terrible, I know, but you can’t blame me. It’s like a once in a lifetime kind of a line.” 

“Listen, about that, I’m really sorry–” 

“NOPE!” He smiles as he cuts her off. “You don’t get to apologize for that. I think we were both a little at fault for that one, so if you apologize, I’m going to have to apologize, then you’ll think you have to apologize, and we’ll be stuck in a playback loop.” 

Lily scoffs. “Maybe, but only one of us sat on the other’s face.” 

“You’re really going to make me say it, aren’t you?” He crosses his arms over his chest, a playful tug to his lips. 

“Say what?”

He leans in, like he’s sharing a secret. “I really didn’t mind it that much.” 

Lily feels herself flush. “I really have to go.” 

“No, come on. You didn’t even finish your workout!” He gestures back at the gym. “Why don’t you finish? I can help if you want.”

She narrows her eyes at him. “Was that another double entendre?” 

His eyes go wide. “No. I mean, not intentionally. I just meant–” He sighs. “At least tell me you’ll come back?” 

Lily laughs, and there’s a hysterical note to it. “No, absolutely not.” 

“What if I throw in free personal trainer services?” 

She glares at him. “Do these services involve you laying on my weight bench?”

“No, I promise.” He waves over her shoulder. “I’ll even set it up with Sirius so you don’t have to deal with me.” 

She looks over her shoulder at three guys who are still standing by The Weight Bench (an incident like that deserves a Proper Title), grinning like they enjoy watching this train wreck. One of them–Sirius, presumably–waves back.

It’s only then that the realization lands hard in her stomach. She’s seen this guy before. All of them. “Oh my god. You’re the owner?” She walks past him, a bit in a daze. “I just sat on the gym owner’s face.” 

“It was a new experience for me, too.” He follows her as she walks back toward the locker room. “I’m James, by the way.” 

“Lily,” she says, but she’s hardly paying attention. 

“Are you still going to leave, Lily?”

A hysterical bubble of laughter pops out. “I should. I should move all the way back to my parents’ house and climb under my Barbie blanket and just give up.” 

“You could,” James says. “Or there’s another option and–I might be a bit biased, but I think it’s a better option.” 

“What’s that?” she asks, turning to face him. 

“Go on a date with me?” He’s really very cute when he smiles, glasses a little lopsided (that might be her fault) and a crooked grin. He holds his hands up in surrender. “Face sitting optional.” 

Lily laughs. She can’t help it; it’s just the most ridiculous thing to ever happen in her life. She holds up a finger. “One condition.” 

“Anything,” he says. 

“Please stop mentioning face sitting.” 

lavh-lay!!!!!!!

*body slams j*r and reclaims these 5 as my own*

Goncharov score masterpost

I want to make a post to keep track of all the Goncharov score that’s been uploaded to tumblr, so I will link to all the one’s I’ve found so far and update with any new ones that come up (if you know any I’m missing please share the link!)

Main Theme uploaded by @caramiaaddio

Main Theme (End Titles) uploaded by @if-only-angels-could-prevail

Main Theme (Reprise) uploaded by @raccoonfink

The Bridge Breaks uploaded by @nicewizard

The Clocktower uploaded by @dungeonmastersconsortium

Farewell Scene uploaded by @levuna (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Tempus Fugit - “Clock Theme” uploaded by @trupowieszcz  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Goncharov Theme in Minor uploaded by @mapplejuice  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Katya’s Leitmotif (Vinyl Rip) uploaded by @unscharf-an-den-raendern  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Andrey’s Theme uploaded by @the-frosty-mac (pointed out to me by @muzic4sewerratz , thank you!)

It Is True (Extract) uploaded by @hex-of-els (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Memories Of Water - Goncharov Soundtrack uploaded by @rismrus (pointed out to me by themself– please do feel free to toot your own horn!)

Katya’s Sonata uploaded by @arcanistvysoren

“For My Love” Andrey’s Serenade uploaded by @shits-getting-weird (pointed out to me by themself)

Stolen Time uploaded by @avatar-of-the-vast (I lost track of who pointed this one out to me I’m sorry but my notifications at the moment are A Lot, so thank you to whoever it was and I’m sorry I don’t know who you were)

Sharing A Dance uploaded by @the-frosty-mac (pointed out to me by themself)

In The Boathouse uploaded by @madame-karenina

What Was And Will Be uploaded by @piano-flute​

Overture on the Clocktower uploaded by @dead-minecraft-fandoms​ (pointed out to me by @mccoppinscrapyard, thank you!)

Privyet Goncharov uploaded by @rismrus (pointed out to me by themself)

Goncharov’s Gun uploaded by @netcup

Sofia’s Serenade to Katya, from the deleted scene in the boat where she sings “Come Raggio di Sol,” uploaded by @melongumi

Dockside #2, one of the unreleased tracks, uploaded by @reptilemodernism

Unnamed Fragment from Goncharov’s death scene, uploaded by @quizshow1994

Bonus:

Cover of the song Goncharov (2010) by @idiopathicsmile  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

At Goncharov’s Gate (PC Version), song written for the PC game with a Super NES port released in 1994 for PC-DOS, uploaded by @badgraph1csghost (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

One of the official trailers was recently recovered by @talkshowhost1996

(a snippet from the same unpublished raising harry AU except make it wolfstar for all of you who have been suffering through shitposts, have a treat for sticking around <3)

context: sirius and harry relocate to grimmauld place.

-

“Are you sure you’re going to be--”

“Ask me that one more time, Remus,” Sirius said harsher than he intended.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright here?”

“Arse.”

Remus gave him a wry grin over his glass of wine, lips already stained berry from the glass he had before, looking perfectly relaxed on the opposite end of the couch from Sirius. “Still haven’t answered the question.”

“I’m not sure I have an answer.”

Remus clicked his tongue, “You always have an answer. An opinion. It’s one of my favorite things about you, even if it is frustrating.”

“Am I frustrating you?”

“Every second since I met you,” he said, and Sirius opened his mouth, Remus holding up a finger immediately before Sirius could say a single word, “And before you respond with something clever regarding your time prison, no the 12 years there were not any sort of reprieve. Every time I thought I had gotten rid of the traces of you….one more would appear. Dog hair on my clothes, a neatly folded sweater, one year I even found an old letter you wrote me from hols when we were fifteen.”

“Well at least I know I won’t have to become a ghost to haunt you when I die…” Sirius mused, giving Remus a wink before taking a sip of his own wine. 

“...Are you going to be alright here?” Remus asked for the third time, and Sirius actually laughed, watching as Remus’s smile split his face wide open and suddenly Sirius was fifteen again, sitting across the Gryffindor common room with a quiet, golden boy who had the best barbs tucked away behind books and big sweaters. 

Sirius laughed quietly, looking up at the mantle where the ticking clock was. Sirius missed the stained glass windows already and the handsome emerald green clock and the soft beige rug that was in the sitting room at his home by the seaside. And then he thought of Harry’s smile when they arrived that day, trunks in hand, Harry rushing to the backyard to go flying, leaving his trunk in the middle of the hall.

It annoyed Sirius that Harry did that at first, because trunks didn’t belong in the middle of walkways and Sirius had told him to bring it up to the bedroom he had chosen the last time they had come together. Harry had blindly chosen a bedroom then as well, waving Sirius away with his hand and just nodding along, more interested in the backyard and his firebolt. 

It annoyed Sirius, and then…it didn’t.

It was so normal. As if Harry had been leaving his things around and Sirius had been getting mildly irritated for their whole lives. 

He thought of Harry’s messy hair and flushed cheeks when he finally came inside after Sirius had called him for dinner twice. Remus had come over to help them settle in, so had Andromeda, Sirius offering dinner in exchange, the table that Sirius had eaten lonely meals at just a few months ago feeling much bigger. 

“I think so,” is what Sirius settled on.

“Were you thinking that entire time?”

“Oi!”

“It was a long pause, thought you had fallen asleep.”

“I believe that’s your modus operandi, Moony,” Sirius said so easily, the nickname fizzling into the air like smoke after a firework. “Remus,” he corrected when he realized his fumble. Remus. 

“I can be Moony…I…missed being Moony.” Remus cleared his throat, “I missed you.”

“Remus…”

“I can’t tell you that? I can’t tell you how I missed you? And even though the dog hair on my clothes and the sweaters and the stupid notes you used to write me were frustrating to find…they also made me miss you? Can I not tell you I thought about you every day for almost 13 years?”

“You can tell me whatever you’d like,” Sirius said, “And I’ll tell you I did the same except it’s not quite so endearing or sentimental. Because what else was I supposed to think about? You were my…you were going to be my fiancee and you didn’t even try….”

“I’m sorry.”

“I…I know.”

“Then--”

“I’m not at forgiveness yet, Remus.” Moony. Whoever you are. “I’d really like to be, but I’m not.”

“I should go.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I didn’t say I couldn’t get there.”

“You think you will? You think one day you’ll be able to look at me and want me again?”

“I want you right now. It’s not a question of want.”

Remus put down his wine glass on the end table, shifting on the couch so he was closer to Sirius, no longer on opposite ends of the couch--of the world. On the same page, in the same proximity for the first time since that night in the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts. The lights were dim, the clock ticked on the mantle as Remus’s knee touched Sirius’s. Amber eyes scanned his face looking for any type of sign and Sirius closed his eyes.

Moony.

“Can I hold you?” Sirius opened his eyes. “...Can I hold you?”

He breathed in deeply, already watching Remus’s hands between them, itching to touch Sirius. Sirius’s hands were longing to do the same. 

Remus was all scratchy cardigans and half-shaven face. Bumps and bruises, and Sirius remembered running his hands over every part of Remus entranced by the indentations of scar tissue and raised freckles. Nothing about Remus was smooth. Clever, but lacking social charm. Knew how to clear a room. Knew precisely the wrong thing to say at the wrong time. But their relationship had been. 

Against all odds, Sirius and Remus, Moony and Padfoot, my love and my darling, had been the smoothest course Sirius had ever sailed. 

“Can I hold you?” Remus asked one more time, even softer, his face moving closer.

“....the only thing I can think of to say is your name. Every version of it.”

“Yes…no…” Remus offered, “maybe…in a few hours…just for a second…”

“That’s a lot of options.”

“Yes or no, then.”

Yes.

Yes.

Hold me. Please. Remind me of what it was like to give my burdens to someone else to carry just for a little while.

“Yes.” 

Remus moved slowly, daring to touch Sirius’s hands first, then his wrists, thumb caressing his pulse point while long fingers skimmed over tattoos and the dark hair on his arms again. Sirius sat still, inhaling and exhaling deeply, afraid Remus was going to make him come undone with the most innocent of touches. Remus’s hands moved up to his arms and Sirius continued to fight with lingering resolve. 

It wasn’t passion, though.

No.

Not like when they were seventeen and they would take turns edging each other into madness with wanton looks in the hallway and hands in places they definitely shouldn’t have been in the middle of class, and kisses that always left someone begging for more. Or even when they were nineteen and finding intimacy in learning how to fix a leaking sink and a tiny shower that really couldn’t fit the two of them properly, but they insisted on being in there together anyway. Sirius would have to hold Remus’s arm when they got out of the shower, so much excess water on the linoleum flooring, taking care not to let his boyfriend-fiance-nearly husband slip. 

The one thing Sirius always handled with care…was Remus, and now it seemed like it was the opposite. Not that Sirius asked for it, or explicitly told Remus that.

This Remus now though, this thirty-something Remus was feeling every valley and curve of Sirius’s arms, then shoulders, moving closer until their faces were mere centimeters apart. 

Sirius inhaled.

Remus exhaled.

Sirius and Remus. One name it was always said so fast and together- SiriusandRemus, carved into trees, etched into pavement, signed on leases and wedding certificates that never came to be.