I Gotbhurt But I Hung Out With. It's A Secret.

you do not miss them btw. you miss the version of them you created in your head to which they never lived up to

Schizophrenic people aren't evil!

We cannot help who we are. We experience a lot of horrifying things, and sometimes react in ways people don't understand. We don't always have control over our own actions. It isn't our fault.

i don’t want to die. i want to live to see when it gets better.

choices made in anger is such a crazy image. if you know what i'm talking about

Never thought I'd be 33 and ruin all my friendships and relationships while dealing with my mental illness. Wish I could explain what it's like to people when you lose your ability to function in reality during an episode of psychosis.

I ripped out years of trauma and pain then acted out and left everyone and everything while having mental health crises I can't even remember happening and at the end I don't find myself suicidal anymore. Just dealing with repressed anger and deep loneliness and PTSD and also regret for putting my feelings on others or trying to be friends with old friends or find a way to restore lost relationships. It's left me feeling estranged and like nobody is out there that can understand my POV. I never thought I would be alone without friends or unable to live on my own. Or that my abandonment issues would lead me down this road completely. I never thought I would fuck up so badly without meaning to to the point where I just feel like I would cause people guilt by association. But I've always felt like a burden. It was how I was raised and treated and still am to this day. Every day I deal with feeling inadequate in every capacity. I wish there was some sort of reprieve and I had a friend left. But most of all I miss my reputation. Schizophrenia is an all encompassing illness and it really ruins things for you. Ontop of that I feel like I most likely have undiagnosed borderline or bipolar even though I don't relate to cluster b personality types from everything I've read. But then there's times I don't think or even feel anything at all.

If only I could go back in time and get a redo.