I Ripped Out Years Of Trauma And Pain Then Acted Out And Left Everyone And Everything While Having Mental
I ripped out years of trauma and pain then acted out and left everyone and everything while having mental health crises I can't even remember happening and at the end I don't find myself suicidal anymore. Just dealing with repressed anger and deep loneliness and PTSD and also regret for putting my feelings on others or trying to be friends with old friends or find a way to restore lost relationships. It's left me feeling estranged and like nobody is out there that can understand my POV. I never thought I would be alone without friends or unable to live on my own. Or that my abandonment issues would lead me down this road completely. I never thought I would fuck up so badly without meaning to to the point where I just feel like I would cause people guilt by association. But I've always felt like a burden. It was how I was raised and treated and still am to this day. Every day I deal with feeling inadequate in every capacity. I wish there was some sort of reprieve and I had a friend left. But most of all I miss my reputation. Schizophrenia is an all encompassing illness and it really ruins things for you. Ontop of that I feel like I most likely have undiagnosed borderline or bipolar even though I don't relate to cluster b personality types from everything I've read. But then there's times I don't think or even feel anything at all.
If only I could go back in time and get a redo.
More Posts from Sadjapes and Others
“Don’t allow someone to treat you poorly just because you love them.”
— Unknown
If you are fighting battles every day that others don't see or understand, I see you and I'm rooting for you 💕
I used to say I was a void person but not so much anymore and I used to feel like I shouldn't take up space or exist at all but now not so much. Being terrible at communicating sucks though. I used to have wit and charm and good looks but I'm just rotting away. I'm giving myself till 35 to pick up the pieces and improve but I doubt it'll go anywhere successful.
"you need to let it go" that would be really cool, unfortunately I'll take it with me to the grave
constant positivity can be a form of avoidance. it's okay to have negative feelings too.
Socially I've ruined myself by being insane and having bpd like symptoms and now I'm just rotting inside while snacking like crazy and I'm not sure how you're supposed to be after electroshock therapy but I'm definitely not the same anymore. I can't hold conversations or anything like that without them being horribly awkward.
Artist of 20+ years. 33. Aro/Ace (depends) He/They. Depressive posting, tw for my reblogs and posts, I'm Schizophrenic among other things. ♋
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